Advertise with Googlier.com Davezilla | Visual Arts | Humor https://davezilla.com Mythic imagery. Bold concepts. Feral color. Mon, 05 Oct 2026 15:17:55 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1.3 https://i0.wp.com/davezilla.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/favicon-2026.png?fit=32%2C32&ssl=1 Davezilla | Visual Arts | Humor https://davezilla.com 32 32 59987029 Movies have led me to believe… https://davezilla.com/movies-have-led-me-to-believe/ https://davezilla.com/movies-have-led-me-to-believe/#respond Mon, 05 Oct 2026 15:17:36 +0000 https://davezilla.com/?p=23168 All old buildings are home to trained flocks of choreographed, jump-scare pigeons in the dust-laden rafters.

Killers can turn rusty doorknobs and cross the most decrepit and warped hardwood floor without making any measurable sounds, but their victims’ tiniest movements clock in around 92 decibels.

Everyone but me swallows pills without water with no problems.

Lawyers get hired on the spot in one interview by impressing the partners.

All spies meet on park benches.

All police chiefs are angry, middle-aged black men who are sick of your excuses.

All criminals can be triangulated by cellphone towers and advise recognized in seconds, but cases over five years old are still on paper and hidden away in “the archives,” which are “still waiting to be alphabetized.” They are run by an officer with an odd personality who knows exactly where every case file is.

]]> https://davezilla.com/movies-have-led-me-to-believe/feed/ 0 23168 If zodiac signs were apps https://davezilla.com/23147-2/ https://davezilla.com/23147-2/#respond Tue, 29 Sep 2026 14:22:16 +0000 https://davezilla.com/?p=23147 Aries: ESPN

Taurus: Zillow

Gemini: Trivago

Cancer: Day One Journal

Leo: TMZ

Virgo: Excel

Libra: SHEIN

Scorpio: mSpy

Sagittarius: FanDuel Casino

Capricorn: Empower

Aquarius: Khan Academy

Pisces: Headspace

]]> https://davezilla.com/23147-2/feed/ 0 23147 I’ll take Reykjavik https://davezilla.com/ill-take-reykjavik/ Mon, 21 Sep 2026 14:51:22 +0000 https://davezilla.com/?p=23136 Missing the thrill of being stuck in a passenger seat for hours, stowing your tray, or closing the window shade on your flight? I got you. Enjoy this In-Flight Simulator. inflightsimulator.com

SOURCE: b3ta

]]> 23136 A Monkey Won’t Give Two Shits in a Barrel https://davezilla.com/a-monkey-wont-give-two-shits-in-a-barrel/ Sun, 23 Nov 2025 17:45:48 +0000 http://www.davezilla.com/?p=5740 I like to make up fake clichéd phrases that sound like something an old man would say (now that I am one). Feel free to confuse your coworkers with them:

  1. A monkey won’t give two shits in a barrel and call them Ben Parsons.
  2. If a farmer scraps the melon rind, the oldest dog will lag behind.
  3. If it’s sunny in the morn, then snails will wish they were ne’er born.
  4. If an orange goes to roost, the milking cows won’t beat you at TopGolf.
  5. The longer you spend writing, the less the other person spends bedwetting.
  6. Shave a prune on Tuesday, good luck for 8 seconds. Shave a prune on Friday, you’ll swallow 8 spiders in your sleep.
  7. Everyone knows the best cure for being left-handed is to threaten them with being a redhead as well.
  8. If Bigfoot sees his shadow, we’re in for 6 more weeks of Ancient Aliens reruns.
  9. Crows in fact, will never fly. They are gently thrown by passersby.
  10. If the Mothman do appear, blurry cameras are surely near.
]]> 5740 WKRP today? https://davezilla.com/wkrp-retrofit/ Tue, 19 Aug 2025 19:00:45 +0000 https://davezilla.com/wkrp-retrofit/ This is super fun. What would Venus Flytrap and Johnny Fever be playing if they were real DJs still working today?

Airchecks Retrofit

]]> 21419 Free idea https://davezilla.com/free-idea/ Fri, 18 Jul 2025 14:08:45 +0000 https://davezilla.com/free-idea/ Why hasn’t any razor company had the common sense to call their product Occam’s Razors? It’s such a simple and obvious solution.

]]> 21188 You keep saying that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means. https://davezilla.com/you-keep-saying-that-word-i-dont-think-it-means-what-you-think-it-means/ Sat, 07 Jun 2025 14:51:22 +0000 https://davezilla.com/you-keep-saying-that-word-i-dont-think-it-means-what-you-think-it-means/ LIGHTNING: The occurrence of a natural electrical discharge of very short duration and high voltage between a cloud and the ground or within a cloud, accompanied by a bright flash and typically also thunder.

LIGHTENING: A drop in the level of the uterus during the last weeks of pregnancy as the head of the fetus engages in the pelvis.

Please stop mixing these two up. I keep picturing giant babies emerging from the storm clouds whenever someone spells lighting with an ‘e’.

]]> 20836 “I have encountered a succubus,” Sir John said https://davezilla.com/i-have-encountered-a-succubus-sir-john-said/ Sat, 15 Mar 2025 23:22:49 +0000 https://davezilla.com/?p=20225 ]]> 20225 That Dirty Hill guy https://davezilla.com/that-dirty-hill-guy/ Sat, 15 Mar 2025 21:29:39 +0000 https://davezilla.com/?p=20214 [ picking up my lunch ]

CLERK: ZZ Top.

ME: Wha?

CLERK: You. Your beard.

ME: […]

CLERK: You look like the ZZ Top guy.

ME: I’ve gotten that before, yes.

CLERK: Yeah, I bet. That Dirty Hill guy. That’s who you look like.

ME: You mean Dusty Hill?

CLERK: Whatever it was. Here ya go, ZZ.

]]> 20214 Manifest this https://davezilla.com/manifest-this/ Tue, 11 Mar 2025 23:23:17 +0000 https://davezilla.com/?p=20227 Man saying, "These are the crystals I need to manifest my intentions this week." He is in a cave with crystals twice his size. ]]> 20227 Like one does https://davezilla.com/like-one-does/ Wed, 05 Feb 2025 13:34:13 +0000 https://davezilla.com/like-one-does/ You know when you wake up from a dream that you were assisting Robert Smith solve a cold case that it will be an interesting day.

]]> 19923 New Year, New Pronouns https://davezilla.com/new-year-new-pronouns/ Thu, 30 Jan 2025 16:35:08 +0000 https://davezilla.com/?p=19869 According to my daughters, my pronouns are Bruh / Dude / and Hey!

]]> 19869