Christine Leeds, LCSW

Looking Into The Mirror of Relationships

Chris — Mon, 03 Dec 2018 23:09:59 +0000

We all want to live” happily ever after”. Many of us are raised on the fantasy of it and we enter marriage (or committed partnership) with the idea that that is the way it should be. And the first blush of new love furthers our belief (false, I assure you) that Love and Happiness is the norm that we should expect right out of the gate. The inevitable challenges, disagreements and general unpleasantness that most often unfolds in early partnerships results in people “running for the hills”; stepping way back from committed vows, often resulting in divorce.

I spent the early part of my adulthood living in a spiritual community—single. And it turned out to be a wonderful training for marriage. It was a very structured environment-up early; prayer; meditation; more prayer; assigned tasks; more prayer and meditation, etc. I was often living with several thousand people— Lots of opportunity to interact and bash heads in relationship with others. We were encouraged to always look inward when confronted with a challenging situation or disagreeable person: why had I drawn this situation to me; what was it bringing up in me that I needed to look at; what could I learn from it?
And in this community, we all had jobs. I was assigned to pickup pebbles from a very large hole in the ground; wash poop from bathroom walls; sweep leaves from wooded pathways—often very unpleasant tasks and seemingly stupid ones! One could never rid that hole of all those small pebbles; leaves would always fall on that wooded path; how disgusting that people left poop on the walls and I was supposed to clean it! Over time, I became acquainted with my judgments, my angers and my resistances. Gradually, I learned that these reactions were all mine and that they clouded my hopes for a loving heart.

Those years in a spiritual community taught me that life brings us what we need to learn about ourselves to grow. If we are committed, each life situation is an opportunity for expansion.
I brought that commitment into my marriage at age 36. Without that commitment, I would have “run for the hills” early on. With that commitment, I held firm and used each situation of married life to learn more deeply what dwelled in the dark crevices of my own heart and soul. It has been quite a journey of healing and transformation for both my husband and me. We soon will joyfully celebrate 30 years of marriage. And we’re still learning.
I look forward to sharing more of life’s teaching with you in this column. Thanks for reading! Chris

Prayerful Intentions

Chris — Mon, 19 Nov 2018 17:04:25 +0000

Consciously asking for what we want to see change in our lives has the power to create the very openings we need to allow that change in. It is often said, if we don’t ask, how can we receive?

Over the years, I’ve learned a technique that I call “Prayerful Intentions” that I often share with my clients as homework.

It’s easy but very powerful:

1. Think of the situation that you want to address ( ie. sadness).

2. Create a statement that requests what you want to bring into your life ( ie. I want to be filled with happiness and joy)

3. Repeat out loud 5x’s in the morning and 5x’s in the evening.

Many people have reported shifts when using these “Prayerful Intentions”. Rather than affirming “I am happy”, beginning the statement with “I want (or I want to want)” opens up a yearning that puts us on the path of shifting to allow this new energy into our lives. With our intentions, we begin a process of aligning ourselves with this new state of being.

Healing: A Spiritual Journey

Chris — Sat, 10 Feb 2018 17:05:00 +0000

I have learned that loving myself is the same as loving spirit.
I have learned that life provides us with all of the tools and opportunities that we need to come back into a loving relationship with ourselves.
I have learned that the greatest meaning that we can bring to our lives is to open ourselves to love.

One of the greatest wounds of our childhood is to come to believe that we are not worthy, not quite good enough, not lovable. I remember in my youth, sitting with a group of people that I did not know, in a city that I had just moved to, New York, literally hearing an internal chant, “I am not worthy”. What a scary time for me. And exciting.

In NYC, I learned to take on each new challenge and look for the opportunity for my growth. I learned to move towards that scary edge of uncertainty and find my place and my confidence in it, over and over again. As more of me filled with confidence and strength, I began to understand the words of one of my teachers, ” It is important to know that you are great. It is important to know your greatness.”.

As I learned to embrace my own greatness, I learned to bring a quiet sense of my own ok-ness into each new situation. And I learned that it is enough. And that I am enough just as I am.

I hope that you will return to this blog from time to time to read my musings and to share your thoughts.

Inspiration

Chris — Thu, 03 Aug 2017 16:57:28 +0000

Reading something inspiring and contemplating its meaning for us can bring needed comfort and sometimes even needed shifts in our awareness.

I came across something meaningful last week that I want to share:

An Indian proverb says that each one of us is like a home with four rooms. We have a physical, a mental, an emotional and a spiritual room within us. Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time. But unless we go into every room, everyday, even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person.

Three Tools For Healing

Chris — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 23:05:12 +0000

I think it’s important to assemble some supportive tools to assist us on our path to healing and wholeness. Tools we can turn to at any moment throughout our day to provide insight, steadiness and support.

Some of my favorites:

1. Inspirational books that we can open to any page for guidance and contemplation. Some recommendations:
Books or audio recordings by Pema Chodron such as When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times.
Books by Thich Nhat Hanh such as Peace is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life.

2. Guided relaxation CD’s or mp3 downloads. Spend 10 to 30 minutes a day being guided into a deep, peaceful relaxation. Recommendation: Relaxation and Wellness by Belleruth Naparstek. You can order it from healthjourneys.com.

3. Focusing for a few minutes throughout the day on a peaceful, positive phrase such as “The core of who I am is Love”. We can learn to retrain how we think and feel about ourselves.

I hope you will comment and visit again for more helpful Healing Tools.