These guiding ideas have been deeply impactful for my family and me, and for the CAFO team as well, and I trust they’ll be impactful for you, too.

1. Attention. 

Over time, where we direct our attention will form us more than any other choices. Little by little, these seemingly insignificant choices profoundly shape our relationships, our effectiveness in work, and (quite literally) the person we’ll become.

2. Tech devices. 

Our devices are masterfully designed to seize attention. So unless we actively set boundaries, they will always take more. Simply put: we must rule our devices, or they will have their way with us.

3. Small changes with big impact. 

Myriad studies find that our devices are harming us more than we realize — driving anxiety, eroding focus and diminishing relationships. But research also reveals that even modest shifts in our tech habits can yield huge benefits.

One 2025 study highlighted in the book found that participants who reduced their smartphone use experienced truly remarkable gains … in just two weeks. They experienced:

• Notably increased feelings of well-being and happiness
• Reduced markers of anxiety and depression — with an effect equal to a series of anti-depressants
• Boosted measures of capacity for focus, equivalent to a reversal of 10 years of aging!

These benefits came at no cost and without side effects. Or rather, there were side effects … and they were all good. These included participants reporting better sleep, improved relational quality, more time outdoors and physically active, and increased self-control in other areas of life.

We can choose 

Yes, our devices do offer marvelous gifts of efficiency, information, communication and more.  But they also carry immense hazards. The very good news is that as we choose to rule our technology — deciding where we’ll receive its many gifts and where we’ll say, “Not here!” — we can regain vital gifts we may have thought were lost forever, including our capacity for focus, a calm heart, and greater richness and pleasure in the people around us.  

Those gifts, in turn, are of immense consequence to the life and ministry to which God calls us. They enable us to love and lead well — from guiding an organization to building a family, from our own spiritual vitality to all that we pour into the person He sets before us. 

– Jedd Medefind is the president of Christian Alliance for Orphans and author of the new book, Rule Your Tech (So It Won’t Rule You). 

Interested in more research like this? 

Rule Your Tech (So It Won’t Rule You) helps you flourish in an age of digital distraction with biblical wisdom, neuroscience and practical habits that reclaim attention and set life-giving boundaries around technology. Also available in Spanish! 

GET A FREE CHAPTER

The post Three potent ideas at the heart of Rule Your Tech appeared first on Christian Alliance for Orphans.

Somehow, her tiny little frame hauled the machine out, got it all hooked up and was somewhat managing to control the force of the water’s recoil to not knock her to the ground as she “kind of” washed the fence. 

I say “kind of” because if you’ve ever power washed anything, you know how it goes: miss a spot, and it’s obvious. In fact, it’s almost worse than if nothing had been power washed at all. It goes from uniformly dirty to now streaky and splotchy. I knew that if I let her continue, it would actually create more work for me to have to come and fix her mistakes. Work I was not planning on doing. Everything inside of me wanted to grab the wand from her and just do it myself. 

There is a natural tension in that moment. It would be faster, cleaner and more efficient to simply take over. It would have been easier. But it would not have been better. 

Because the goal was not just a clean fence. It was also her growth. 

How would she learn how to power wash a fence if I deprived her of the opportunity by just doing it myself? 

Becoming, not producing

In the same way, God’s work in the world is not driven solely by efficiency. It is shaped by formation. He invites people into participation — not because He needs help, but because He is forming something in them.

It cannot be overlooked that Jesus entrusted the work of the Kingdom into the hands of ordinary people.

Fishermen.
Tax collectors.
Shepherds.

And He continues to do the same today. Parents. Teachers. Coaches. Students. You and me. Normal people entrusted with the things of the Kingdom. This reveals something important about how God works.

His primary interest is not just in what we accomplish, but in who we are becoming. God works through people — imperfect, flawed people. And just like any Father, He finds great delight in watching His children learn and grow and be formed.

Why this matters for church engagement

Understanding the Church this way changes how we approach engaging individual churches.

If the Church is first an institution, then engagement often becomes a matter of strategy, systems and organizational alignment. We begin thinking primarily about structures, programs and decision-making processes. Those things certainly matter, but they are not where engagement begins.

The Church — the body of Christ — is first a people.

That means every interaction with a local church is ultimately an interaction with human beings. When we sit across the table from a pastor, we are not meeting with an institution. We are meeting with a person. A person carrying responsibilities, pressures, hopes, disappointments and concerns that may never be fully visible to us. The same is true of elders, ministry leaders, volunteers, foster families and church members. We are never not engaging humans.

I’ve found that this reality is easy to forget in church engagement work. Over time, it can become tempting to think of churches collectively rather than personally. 

We talk about “getting churches involved,” “mobilizing churches” or “engaging churches,” and without realizing it, we begin speaking about the Church as though it were a system to influence rather than a people to understand and help form.

But pastors are not obstacles to overcome. They are shepherds.

Most of them are carrying far more than we can see. They are walking with families through crises, navigating leadership challenges, preparing sermons, caring for hurting people, managing competing priorities and trying to faithfully lead the congregation God has entrusted to them. When they seem slow to respond, hesitant to engage or cautious about new opportunities, the explanation is often more complex than simple disinterest.

Leading with empathy and curiosity 

That’s why the longer I’ve worked alongside churches, the more convinced I’ve become that effective engagement begins with empathy. 

Before asking how we can help a church engage with our mission, we should first seek to understand the mission that church is already carrying. Before presenting opportunities, we should understand the pressures they are already navigating. Before expecting movement, we should take time to understand what faithfulness looks like in their particular context.

When we see the Church primarily as a people rather than an institution, our posture toward individual churches begins to change. We become less transactional and more relational. We become less focused on what we need from churches and more attentive to what churches need from us. We become more patient, more curious and more willing to listen before we speak.

That shift may seem subtle, but it changes everything that follows.

Because church engagement is not ultimately about gaining access to organizations. It is about building trust with people.

And trust grows best when people believe they are understood, valued and cared for long before they are asked to do anything.

Outposts of presence, not transaction

This is also why Jesus’ departure and the coming of the Holy Spirit matter so much for understanding the Church. When Jesus told His disciples He was leaving, they were understandably troubled. Yet He repeatedly assured them that His departure was actually for their good. He would send the Holy Spirit, who would dwell within them and empower them for the work ahead.

In one sense, Jesus was leaving. In another sense, His presence was multiplying.

No longer confined to one physical place, the Spirit would now work through ordinary men and women who followed Him. The mission would advance through people. The ministry would continue through people. The presence of Christ would be carried into homes, neighborhoods, cities and nations through people filled with the Spirit of God.

The Church has always been that people.

Not perfect people.

Not powerful people.

Not people who always get it right.

But ordinary people who are being formed, and through whom God has chosen to make His presence known in the world.

And if that is true, then every conversation with a church leader, every interaction with a congregation and every effort to mobilize churches begins with remembering who the Church actually is.

Not first an institution.

A people.

– Jason Johnson is the National Director of Church Engagement and Mobilization at CAFO.

Looking for more guidance and practical wisdom to help you engage churches in your community?

Check out Effectively Engaging Churches, by Jason Johnson, for more insights and practical tools.

The post The Church and the Kingdom of God: Ordinary people entrusted with extraordinary callings appeared first on Christian Alliance for Orphans.

Their prayer was, as Steven shared, “We want God to do something, maybe through our story and us sharing our journey, in the church that we have not really seen happening.”

God answered in incredible ways, and over the years, they have seen Him grow and shape a movement within the body of Christ to care for vulnerable children and families. And a hallmark of that movement has been collaboration. 

As Mary Beth explained, “What I’ve seen change and grow is a willingness to step into the hard … and to say, ‘Is it [my] time to go deeper, or is there somebody else that can do that?’ … [There’s been] a willingness to not just be stuck in a lane, but be a little more outward facing with your hands to go, ‘How can we all help each other,’ instead of going, ‘Oh, this is my thing and this is what we do.’”

For the Chapmans, collaboration and unity are not just about getting things done on behalf of children and families. They’re about bearing witness to God’s goodness and character with a skeptical world watching.

Because, in Steven’s words, “In God’s brilliance, [He says] ‘This is pure religion … This is as clear as you’re going to be able to reflect my heart.”

The Pure Religion Project, CAFO’s church ministry initiative, aims to inspire and equip God’s people to live out the “pure religion” described in the book of James and invited throughout Scripture through resources, supportive community and ongoing connection and coaching. 

The post Unity and collaboration bear witness to pure religion appeared first on Christian Alliance for Orphans.

Now, my husband Jedd and I have a household of teens and young adults. We are part of a generation of parents who faced a new digital frontier: algorithms, portable and interactive screens, and human interactions shifting to online spaces. 

Parenting suddenly required decisions about device use with no roadmap or communal consensus.

Enthusiasm for the new technology and its “keep-you-coming-back” appeal swept society, and parents quickly feared their children would feel left out without a smartphone or social media account. 

Foster and adoptive parenting also became more complex as the technology landscape shifted. Young people entering foster care may have experienced unsupervised access to devices, very heavy screen use and greater exposure to online harms. When there are struggles with self-regulation or other delays in readiness, a teen may need additional oversight and limits for longer periods. Tension over screen use can strain relationships and leave parents feeling that they are facing a losing battle.

Whether parenting through foster care, adoption or birth, a critical part of raising children in an online era is equipping them to establish healthy tech habits now and as a pathway toward adult life.

Eight principles for helping your teen navigate technology

A healthy relationship with technology begins with parents establishing screen limits and healthy family habits. A family tech rule can support consistent screen-free mealtimes, phone-free rooms for better sleep and an atmosphere that cultivates attending to people rather than devices. As children grow, however, parental oversight must gradually shift toward coaching them to live wisely and fully without being dominated by devices.

Here is some guidance drawn from principles that have been important in our parenting as we have sought to help our teens develop healthy technology habits.

1) See your teen as capable of a full and meaningful life.

Assume your teen has a deep-seated longing and need for a meaningful life, one not dominated by gaming, social media or constant device use. See your child as someone capable of cultivating good relationships, connection to God, meaningful work and personal growth.

Though your teen may understandably be strongly drawn to screens, you can help them by holding firmly to the view that their flourishing, like your own, depends upon growing little by little toward healthier habits with technology.

2) Build a daily life centered on real-world experiences.

Even if you begin later than you would like, you can help your child experience what it feels like to live more fully in the real world. Stack the day with embodied, in-person relationships and responsibilities: physical activity, time outdoors, helping around the home, serving others, prayer, meals together, meaningful work and time with friends.

Whatever patterns they establish as a young adult, the gift of a tech-limited adolescence will remain part of their experience. They will know what such a life feels like and that it is possible.

3) Talk about important things — a lot.

Use mealtimes, car rides and any time you can to talk about God, what matters most in life and His purposes for us. Discuss the benefits of technology, along with the costs and risks that come with devices being ever-present.

Help your teen recognize how screens and social media are designed to keep people coming back for more. Consider together how current screen habits may help or hinder the life they want to build, including their ability to devote themselves to a vocation, attend to those they love and grow in relationship with God.

Talk to God together about these things and ask for His wisdom and help.

4) Hold off on smartphones and social media as long as possible.

Evidence strongly suggests that the longer families wait to introduce a first smartphone, personal tablet or social media, the better the overall well-being outcomes for young people. Wait longer when self-control, honesty or social skills still need bolstering.

Access should be shaped by readiness rather than age alone. A teen who is not yet able to manage limits, tell the truth about device use or respond responsibly to online relationships may need additional time before receiving greater freedom.

5) Connect privileges to agency and responsibility.

Help your teen understand their own agency. Their choices help steer their opportunities. As they make responsible and trustworthy choices, they can gain greater technology privileges.

Make clear that device use is not a right gained at a certain age. It is an opportunity that grows as a young person demonstrates reliability in daily life. The opportunity to use a device tomorrow depends, in part, on using it responsibly today.

Poor choices may also carry natural consequences. A teen who spends time on a phone instead of studying, for example, may do poorly in a class. Helping young people recognize the connection between their choices, responsibilities and freedoms is a critical part of moving toward adulthood.

Involve your teen in pacing the growth of their privileges. Ask them to answer these questions in writing:

• What privilege do you believe you are ready for?
• What responsible choices demonstrate that you are ready for that privilege? 
• What commitments will you uphold if it is granted?

If their case is sufficient, sign and date the agreement together. This makes the privilege part of a mutual agreement your teen has helped initiate and is responsible for maintaining.

6) Help your teen establish a personal tech rule.

As your teen gains greater technology freedoms, especially if they have their own smartphone, invite them to establish a personal tech rule.

A personal tech rule is a self-imposed plan for boundaries around when, where, how long and with what content devices will be used. It helps protect important parts of life, such as sleep, relationships, time with God and work, and is a vital part of preparing for adulthood.

Have your teen write the first draft on their own. Your job is to guide them, not to write it for them. Make sure they understand that the plan must be reasonable and respect the family’s existing rules. Within those bounds, give them latitude to establish parameters they are willing to keep.

Encourage them to be specific about:

• Times and places for device use;
• Length of use;
• Content and apps;
• Sleep and schoolwork;
• Time with God and family; and
• When devices will be put away.

Encourage them to pray and ask for God’s guidance. They might consider Paul’s words:

“‘All things are lawful for me,’ but not all things are helpful. ‘All things are lawful for me,’ but I will not be dominated by anything” (1 Corinthians 6:12, ESV).

What structures might they want to establish with God that will help protect and free them from domination by devices?

7) Use technology to support their commitments.

Tools that intentionally make it harder to use certain apps or access the internet at particular times can help interrupt addictive patterns and support intentional use.

Physical blocking tools, such as Brick, can lock selected apps. Software such as Freedom can establish internet-free times. Certain apps or internet access can be removed from a phone so that a laptop is required for those activities. Even changing a smartphone screen to black-and-white can diminish its appeal.

These tools can support your teen in living the way they have decided they want to live, with technology limited to the times, places and purposes they have established.

Encourage them to involve trusted friends or mentors as well. Healthy friendships can spur important conversations, accountability and even shared commitments around screen limits.

8) Revisit the plan and expect growth to take time.

Creating a personal tech rule demonstrates maturity. Fulfilling it will be hard. Your teen will almost certainly fail along the way.

They will need encouragement in areas where they are doing well and understanding when they fall short. Invite them to revisit their rule periodically and consider what may need to change. Offer empathy while also expressing confidence that they can grow in fulfilling their commitments.

The path toward healthy tech habits will likely involve many conversations, withdrawal of privileges when needed and seasons of discouragement. But press on. Helping your teen develop a worthy vision for life and understand the connection between present choices and future good is a vital, hard-earned skill.

Growing in self-control around technology use will serve them for years to come. It will help them fulfill their calling and duties to God and others, attend to the people they love and pursue a truly satisfying life.

Limits affirm agency and lead to transformation

In our own family, we have found it immensely helpful to engage our children as responsible agents in their use of technology and to invite them to think and act with God in these matters. It has not been easy, but there has also been great reward in walking alongside each of them as they gain these critical life skills.

As you help your teen grow in healthy screen habits — and commit to growth in your own technology habits — you offer your child a powerful gift. The road may be rocky, but your loyalty, persistence and confidence convey a deep truth: God is present with us even in our failings, and He provides a way forward.

As we choose to walk in that way, God will help us grow bit by bit in consecrating even our devices to Him.

– Rachel Medefind is the director of the Institute for Family-Centered Healing & Health. 

Help Your Teen Develop Their Own Tech Rule

CAFO’s Teen Tech Rules worksheet⁠ can help teens think through and create a Personal Tech Rule of their own.

For a fuller exploration of screen limits and the habits families need to flourish, see Screen Limits for Family Flourishing⁠.

The post Teens and Technology: Helping your teen create healthy tech habits now  appeared first on Christian Alliance for Orphans.

When I talk with parents, it doesn’t take long for the topic of technology use to come up. Almost invariably, it is emotionally laden: fear, frustration, distress, discouragement or resignation show up in the conversation. 

Screens may be a source of ongoing tension between parents and children, and compulsive use of phones, social media or gaming can feel too deeply ingrained to hope for change. Parents’ own near-constant device use can also contribute to a sense that the dominance of screens is inevitable.

In my experience, parents genuinely want their children to be protected from online harm. Most parents also have a sense that spending too many hours on devices and social media isn’t good for kids. And many are concerned about potential harms with AI becoming ubiquitous in daily life.

Despite these reservations, in American households, children spend an enormous amount of time on screens each day with very few restrictions. 

Here are a few common barriers parents feel in translating their concern into action:

• It’s too big: Our family tech choices couldn’t make a real difference in our kids’ lives.
• It’s too late: I can’t turn the ship around, since they’re already addicted to devices.
• It’s asking too much: It would be mean to set limits when other families don’t.

In response to these barriers, I want every parent to know: it is not too big, too late or asking too much to make serious changes. 

At any point, there is much to be gained by establishing and maintaining firm boundaries around screen use. These limits help a family resist the constant pull of “just a few more minutes” and begin to recover the many good things screens may have crowded out.

Still, many parents feel an additional barrier to establishing any serious screen limits in their family life:

It’s overwhelming. I don’t know where to begin.

Parents may want effective screen limits but are unclear about what the boundaries ought to be, what is reasonable and how to implement and stick to a plan when it gets hard.

That’s where a family tech rule comes into play.

Creating a family tech rule

A family tech rule is simply a written plan that helps a family move from reacting to screens as each conflict arises to intentionally shaping how technology will fit within family life. 

Rather than merely trying to slow the onslaught of technology in children’s lives, it gives parents a structure for mapping out what they most desire in exchange for screens, what patterns and protections are needed, what principles will guide their rules and how each child’s readiness should shape access. 

In this way, a family tech rule helps parents build a fuller response — one that supports the life, habits and relationships families need in order to flourish.

Picture the life you desire together

But if you are a parent, where do you start?

The way forward begins with a picture of the good life you desire for your family, along with an honest assessment of how devices may be getting in the way. Very often, we want to jump to making rules. And while clear guidance on technology use is vitally important for children, any hope of a life and home not dominated by devices requires more than rules.

First, you need to envision the kind of life you hope to have together as a family. That life may currently feel far from the reality of daily life in your home, but without a vision of what God might intend and how that could work out in an ordinary day or week, getting there will be nearly impossible.

What would you like day-to-day life to look like together? How would you like to spend your time, individually and together? What would it look like to grow together as a family — spending time together, enjoying each other’s company, serving and encouraging growth as individuals? What would you aspire for the hours within a day to look like in your home?

Now you can ask the question: In what ways do devices get in the way of such a life?

Yes, screen limits and protections provide vital safeguards for children and for your family. But even more foundationally, limits help create space for the activities, commitments and practices you long for as a family. A tech rule is ultimately focused on cultivating a real-world life together, in which devices are used to support that life … or put away when they undermine it.

Set limits you are willing to maintain

Next, determine what you are willing to follow through on with your children and as a whole family. Establishing a rule only to enforce it inconsistently, or giving in when it gets hard or when a child pleads for more time, works in the opposite direction of what you are working toward.

Be clear about the limits you plan to establish and be prepared to enforce them consistently, including when children push back or when it is inconvenient. Consider carefully what you are truly willing to maintain.

Children need kind and firm parental authority in order to flourish. Such authority requires understanding and consistently upholding what is best for a child’s well-being, not only now but in the long term. It is a devotion to what is farther down the road than today.

Such parental commitment is especially needed to establish and maintain sound device limits. If you struggle as a parent to consistently offer kind and firm authority, remember that this is a skill like anything else. You can practice and grow in building important limits, following through and remaining respectful.

For foster and adoptive families, this may be especially important. Children who have experienced early adversity may have added vulnerabilities related to impulse control, emotional regulation, prior exposure to harmful content or dependence on devices for comfort and escape. Consistent, warm and firm authority around screen use helps create conditions that support the long-term healing and growth of children.

Write it down and get specific

Get as specific as possible with your family tech rule. Spell out the times and places where you commit, as a family, to keeping devices out of daily life. These are times and places reserved for other things worthy of putting aside the phone, tablet or laptop.

As you plan:

• Determine what devices are needed and which ones are not.
• Keep screens and devices to the most basic level possible.
• Set up sound protections, including through the home router, individual device settings and filtering or accountability tools.
• Don’t give a child more access than he or she is ready to steward.

As you begin to write out your family tech rule, include:

• When devices are put away;
• Where devices are not used;
• Where devices charge overnight;
• What requires parent permission; and,
• What happens when limits are not respected.

Your tech rule provides vital clarity for all family members. It is a written plan built on a vision for the whole of life. It lays out the limits you are willing to consistently enforce and offers specific rules to make the boundaries clear for everyone.

Growth and transformation are possible

Few families are where they want to be with screen limits. Most of us recognize that our phones and devices intrude into daily life far more than we’d like. Still, establishing clear technology commitments as a family gives each member something to grow toward. It will not be easy, but even faltering efforts will reap rewards. 

A clear plan helps screens stay in their proper place, enabling families to have room for the ordinary sources of good that support healing and flourishing.

With persistence, such commitments will bear much fruit.

– Rachel Medefind is the director of the Institute for Family-Centered Healing & Health. 

Get the Free Resource: Screen Limits for Family Flourishing

For more specific guidance and practical steps, check out Screen Limits for Family Flourishing, a free resource that helps families think through these decisions and create a family tech rule of their own.

DOWNLOAD NOW

The post Technology and family life: Setting limits to support flourishing appeared first on Christian Alliance for Orphans.

The good news is that healthy child development and technology can co-exist with thoughtful guidance and intervention from a caring adult.

The following six strategies are designed to help caregivers navigate how to lead the children in their care through the ever-changing shifts in technology.

Strategy 1: Lead by example

Children learn healthy technology habits by watching the adults around them, making your own relationship with technology one of your most powerful teaching tools.

One of the most difficult but vital contributions we can make to our children’s healthy relationship with technology is cultivating a healthy relationship with it ourselves. 

It can be tempting to expect more from the children in our care than we do from ourselves, and that approach will almost certainly backfire. Children will observe our practices first. 

It can be challenging to be self-aware in the face of the powerful and often addictive qualities of our devices, but it can be helpful to pause and reflect on the following questions:

• What are the healthy reasons I use technology?
• What are my unhealthy reasons for using technology?
• Do I use screens more frequently than I would like?
• What apps or websites do I tend to spend more time on than I am proud of?
• What is my screen use displacing? Where is it getting in the way of what matters most?

Perhaps even more clarifying than our own reflections is talking with our children and those around us. Some simple questions to ask them can be:

• What do you notice about my technology use? 
• How does my technology use affect you?
• How does my technology use affect our relationship?
• What is one change that you would like to see in my use of technology?

Even if we believe we are being careful with our use of technology, our children may view it differently. Understanding their experience of us and our technology use may offer a different and useful perspective for us to consider as we reflect on and adjust our interactions with digital technology, both for our sake and for the children in our care. Healthy child development with technology begins with us.

Strategy 2: Begin the conversation

Healthy technology habits in child development come through many small, ongoing conversations that grow alongside a child’s age, maturity and experiences. 

Very few important topics are fully addressed in a single conversation. Instead, meaningful conversations tend to unfold gradually, deepening as children mature and move through different developmental stages.

Conversations about technology do not need to be intimidating. They can begin simply with you sharing something you are learning or thinking about. 

Sometimes, a thoughtful question is all that is needed to open the door. For example: “How does it make you feel when you have been scrolling for longer than you planned?” or “What is it like for you not to have a phone when your friends all have phones?” 

Even mentioning when you are aware of your own struggles with technology and describing the steps you are taking to address them can be the starting point for a meaningful discussion. Creating space for children who have experienced early adversity to have these conversations may be even more important than for the average child, considering their tendency to use technology to meet unmet needs.

Strategy 3: Set clear boundaries 

Thoughtful technology boundaries help protect children today while teaching them the self-control and discernment they’ll need tomorrow. 

Developing boundaries for children and adolescents helps protect young people from harm and,  over time, can help them learn how to set their own healthy boundaries.  There are countless ways to establish limits around technology. There is no single correct approach, but being proactive and intentional is essential.  

Here are some ideas to consider when developing boundaries around technology to support healthy child development, inspired by Tech-Wise Family: 

• Create a standard of not checking phones until spending some time with God each morning.
• Designate one tech-free common room of the house as a sacred space.
• Choose not to have TVs or phones in bedrooms.
• Keep a dedicated alarm clock in each bedroom, so phone alarms are not necessary.
• Keep one hour per day, one day per week, and one week per year completely technology-free. 
• Try to create more than you consume on any given day 
• Make meals a technology-free event.
• Install parental controls on any device used by children, and let children know you will monitor them regularly.
• Broadly speaking, interacting in person is preferable to video calls, video calls are preferable to a phone call, and a phone call is preferable to text.  
• Put down your screen and acknowledge people when they enter a  room.  
• When out of the home, ask the question, “Do I need my phone for this activity, or could it be left at home or in the car so I can be more present?” 
• Only allow television for pre-determined community events, like family movie night.
• Charge all family phones outside the bedroom, in a secure place such as a locked closet, so they’re not a temptation right before bed or first thing in the morning. 

Strategy 4: Consider tech alternatives

Children thrive when technology is balanced with meaningful relationships, creative pursuits and real-world experiences that support healthy child development when using technology. 

We can act on childhoods being pulled by the magnetic force of technology, redirecting them toward full lives filled with non-tech and low-tech activities, with carefully chosen opportunities for meaningful technological engagement that enrich our children’s lives rather than controlling them. 

Non-Tech Activities. Technology boundaries are most effective when paired with healthy, engaging alternatives that support children’s development. Healthy alternatives might include outdoor play, reading, sports, music, art, chores, cooking, nature walks, board games, journaling, youth group, volunteering and time with friends or family.

Alternative Tech Activities. One false assumption we can make is that we either need to be all in or all out when it comes to technology and the children in our care. We think, “We may as well give our child a smartphone.” In reality, there are many ways to be strategic about technology use that enable measured, thoughtful engagement. Here are a few approaches:

• Focus on creation over consumption. Technology can have legitimate applications for creative purposes, and these will engage distinct parts of the brain from those involved in consumptive activities.  Examples could be filming and editing a video, recording and producing live music, or even using a Word document to write a story. 
• Prioritize co-viewing. Prioritize co-viewing and shared use whenever possible. Technology becomes far less isolating (and far more instructive) when it is experienced together. Shared engagement allows adults to model discernment, answer questions and build relational connection alongside digital literacy. 
• Consider single-use devices. Single-use devices can also reduce temptation while preserving some benefits of technology. Examples include MP3 players or audiobook players, DVDs instead of streaming platforms, e-readers, digital cameras without internet access, basic phones without apps, and supervised school or library computers.

Strategy 5: Build scaffolding 

Technology privileges should be earned gradually, giving children the guidance and practice they need before taking on greater digital independence.

Children — especially vulnerable children navigating digital spaces — grow best within thoughtful scaffolding. Lev Vygotsky described learning as a social process, rooted in relationships and guidance. His concept of the Zone of Proximal Development emphasizes that growth is often best achieved by small, progressive steps.  

When it comes to managing our children’ s technology exposure, a useful tool is the staircase model.

Each step represents new skills, freedoms and responsibilities added over time. At the lower steps, support is high and independence is small. As the steps rise, support gradually shifts toward less direct control and more coaching from the side.  

For example, certain tools, like smartphones, belong on much higher steps of the staircase. Children reach these steps only after demonstrating attention, self-control and accountability, ensuring they can use these technologies responsibly and thoughtfully.

There need not be a responsibility added at each age. 

In fact, much of what we think of as digital technology may be reserved for older ages. Although family movie nights, listening to music or ebooks, and having video chats with grandparents can be perfectly appropriate at younger ages, there is no need to offer email, texting, or regular computer use until much later. 

These stairs are not escalators. Children do not automatically rise simply because time passes. Some may reach stages earlier or later than others, and some may never use certain types of digital technology. Consider this map general guideline. 

Each step must be built intentionally: guided practice, conversations about online safety, modeling healthy tech habits, teaching critical thinking and gradually expanding access only after demonstrating readiness.

Strategy 6: Create awareness

The goal isn’t simply to manage children’s technology use today, but to help them become thoughtful, self-aware and responsible throughout their lifespan.

One of the most common pitfalls in children’s use of digital technology is having too much access before they are developmentally ready.  

When children lack the cognitive capacity to understand the benefits and consequences of certain decisions, technology use tends to be most damaging. However, we are raising future adults, and we also need to help them take personal responsibility for their technology habits as their capacity to use freedom wisely grows. We need to build their ability to become equipped, thoughtful and reflective users of technology.

This requires intentional awareness-building through clear education, expectations, habits, practice, reflection, ownership and predictable consequences. 

Children need adults to talk honestly about online risks, define boundaries clearly, help them notice emotional triggers and time blindness, rehearse plans for moments of temptation, and reflect on what went well or poorly. 

Most of all, they need us to walk alongside them as they grow in their self-awareness of their experience with technology.

Small changes add up to big shifts 

Most people will not use all of these suggested boundaries, and some may incorporate others. There is no one right way to proceed, but we can start with one step in the right direction for us and our children, then another and another. 

Soon, these small changes can add up to big shifts, both in terms of practices and outcomes. 

-Dr. Nicole Wilke is the director of the CAFO Research Center. 

Navigate Technology Wisely for the Children in Your Care

Vulnerable Children in a Digital Age brings together the wisdom of Scripture and insights from science to help Christian caregivers and practitioners understand what’s at stake and respond with confidence. This book offers practical, evidence-informed strategies to see risks and opportunities, gain actionable practices and navigate emerging challenges. You will be well-equipped to help vulnerable children navigate technology in ways that support long-term healing and resilience.

Learn more and download a free chapter today.

LEARN MORE

The post Six practical strategies for healthy child development in a digital world appeared first on Christian Alliance for Orphans.

In this blog post, you’ll learn from research about the mechanisms that underpin problematic technology use and gain more practical strategies to move from merely reacting to challenges with technology use to helping children develop the skills they need to flourish, both online and offline.

• Formation is continuous 
• Eight areas where trauma and technology meet
  • Attachment
  • Emotional regulation
  • Mental health
  • Sexual behavior
  • Focus and attention
  • Self-control
  • Social relationships
  • Sleep
• Hope for the journey ahead

A psychologist friend once called me about a child in residential care who was doing well at school but unraveling at home. His caregivers had fallen into a painful cycle: when he demanded screen time, they gave in because it calmed him and protected the other children from his aggression. But when the screen was removed, his behavior became even worse.

It is all too tempting to judge caregivers in this situation — until you have lived it. 

Technology can feel like the only thing that works to quell the chaos. Yet, for children with histories of early adversity and trauma, this cycle can become especially risky.

We are constantly being formed

Research increasingly shows persistent connections between early adversity and risks related to digital technology use. Caregivers, child welfare practitioners and clinical professionals see these patterns daily: technology can calm a child temporarily, but it can also intensify dysregulation, isolation, sleep disruption and unhealthy coping.

For Christians, this is not only a behavioral issue. Scripture reminds us not to be conformed to the pattern of this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. What children repeatedly engage with shapes attention, desires, relationships and character.

The brain constantly adapting — a process called neuroplasticity — and is molded by repeated experiences, relationships and environments. Digital media is one of those shaping forces. While not all technology use is harmful, heavy exposure — especially frequent, intense or unsupervised use — can train the brain toward speed, novelty and constant stimulation while weakening deep focus, impulse control, sleep and emotional regulation. This matters even more for children whose brains are still developing and for those whose stress responses, self-regulation and attachment have been affected by early adversity.

Beyond what research can easily measure, patterns of isolation, comparison and compulsive consumption quietly shape who a child becomes, and those effects on the soul may be the most significant of all.

Eight areas where trauma and technology meet

As we learned in our last blog post, early adversity primes individuals for the negative effects of digital technology use. Early adversity can set the stage for patterns of behavior, emotional responses and cognitive processing that intersect with digital technology in harmful ways.  There are multiple pathways through which early adversity can increase children’s risk of problematic technology use and its consequences. 

Here, we will explore eight common areas where technology and adversity meet.

Attachment 

Attachment is the emotional bond formed through consistent caregiving. When attachment is disrupted, children may seek connection through screens, mistake unsafe online relationships for trustworthy ones, or treat devices as substitutes for human connection. 

GOOD NEWS: Healthy attachments can still be built through consistent, nurturing relationships.

Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation — the ability to manage intense feelings in healthy ways — is undermined by early adversity and also becomes a significant risk factor for problematic technology use. Children who struggle to regulate emotions are more likely to use screens as an escape, react more intensely when devices are removed, and gravitate toward violent or aggressive content.  

GOOD NEWS: Children can make great strides in emotional regulation with support and practice.

Mental Health

Children and adolescents experiencing anxiety, depression or excessive stress are more likely to develop unhealthy patterns of technology use, while excessive or problematic media use can worsen emotional difficulties and increase the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors.  

GOOD NEWS: With proper mental health interventions and appropriate limits on technology use, symptoms can improve.

Sexual Behavior

Early adversity increases vulnerability to online sexual risks, including pornography use, online solicitation and sexual exploitation, while these experiences can further compound the developmental and health challenges associated with early adversity. 

GOOD NEWS: Attachment relationships, education about the risks, and an understanding of God’s best and grace and forgiveness can go a long way toward supporting young people with these challenges.

Focus and Attention

Early adversity is associated with difficulties with attention and focus, and these challenges can be intensified by digital technologies that encourage constant stimulation and distraction. Individuals with attention problems are more vulnerable to problematic technology use, while excessive screen exposure can further impair attention. 

GOOD NEWS: With adult support, focus training and tech limits, symptoms can improve.

Self-Control

Self-control and impulse regulation are often compromised as a result of early adversity, increasing vulnerability to unhealthy patterns of technology use. In turn, problematic use of digital media can further weaken self-regulation and reinforce impulsive behaviors, creating a self-perpetuating cycle. 

GOOD NEWS: Adults can support the development of impulse control in the children they love with regular connection, firm boundaries and lots of practice.

Social Relationships

Early adversity can contribute to social impairments such as isolation, anxiety and a diminished sense of belonging, increasing vulnerability to problematic patterns of technology use. In turn, excessive reliance on digital spaces, including social media and AI interactions, can further weaken social skills and reinforce loneliness and disconnection, creating a self-perpetuating cycle. 

GOOD NEWS: A strong sense of belonging is protective against problematic outcomes and supports better wellbeing. 

Sleep

Sleep problems are among the most common consequences of early adversity, and inadequate sleep also increases vulnerability to problematic technology use and magnifies its emotional and mental health effects. Excessive screen exposure — especially at night — can further disrupt sleep, creating a cycle that compounds the impact of trauma and undermines healing. 

GOOD NEWS: However, supporting more and better sleep through education, healthy sleep environments, and tech limits can create new habits and better outcomes.

Hope for the journey ahead

Reading through these eight areas can feel overwhelming, especially if you recognize your child in more than one of them. But just as trauma and early adversity need not define a child’s future, neither does technology.

The encouraging news is that neuroplasticity works in both directions. Just as repeated technology habits shape children over time, repeated experiences of safety, loving relationships, healthy boundaries and wise technology use can also form them. God designed children with an extraordinary capacity for growth, resilience, healing and transformation.

Children who have experienced trauma often need more support, more connection and more opportunities to practice healthy habits as they learn to navigate an increasingly digital world.

Understanding how technology affects children with trauma is the first step. The next is knowing what to do about it.

In our next article in this series, we’ll explore six practical strategies that caregivers can use to help vulnerable children develop a healthy relationship with technology while supporting long-term healing, resilience and flourishing.

-Dr. Nicole Wilke is the director of the CAFO Research Center. 

Navigate Technology Wisely for the Children in Your Care

Vulnerable Children in a Digital Age brings together the wisdom of Scripture and insights from science to help Christian caregivers and practitioners understand what’s at stake and respond with confidence. This book offers practical, evidence-informed strategies to see risks and opportunities, gain actionable practices and navigate emerging challenges. You will be well-equipped to help vulnerable children navigate technology in ways that support long-term healing and resilience.

Learn more and download a free chapter today.

LEARN MORE

The post Where trauma and technology collide: Eight key areas every caregiver should know appeared first on Christian Alliance for Orphans.

In this blog post, you’ll learn from research on early adversity and technology, and gain practical strategies to move from merely reacting to technology use to helping children develop the skills they need to flourish, both online and offline.

• The cost of technology for children 
• Where trauma and technology collide 
• The science of early adversity and technology
• Understanding the adversity-technology spiral 
• Navigating digital technology with wisdom
  

“To live just about anywhere on the planet is to have access to the entire base of human knowledge in just a few clicks. So much information is available to us, on every conceivable subject, that we haven’t noticed what it’s done to us.” – -John Eldredge

In just a few decades, digital technology has shifted from room-sized computers to pocket-sized devices containing technology more sophisticated than that of the first moon landing. These advances have brought tremendous opportunities, from access to information to disaster response to gospel outreach. However, there is often a cost to progress, and digital technology is no exception. As continual access to technology has climbed, so has the incidence of mental health problems, sleep challenges, isolation, and even accidental death.

The costs of technology for children

As with many ills of our current era, children seem to be bearing much of the consequence for these costs. In children, research has previously demonstrated that language acquisition, attention, physical health, academic achievement, moral development, and personal safety can be negatively impacted by digital technology exposure. 

These themes are concerning, but mental health may be the area in which the costs of technology use for children are most obvious. 

One study of almost 28,000 young people in 41 nations found that delaying smartphone ownership was connected with better adaptability and resilience, drive and motivation, mind-body connection, cognition, social self, and mood and outlook. 

Similarly, we also see a decrease in multiple mental health problems when smartphone ownership is delayed. All problems surveyed showed a downward trend as the age at first smartphone ownership increased.

In short, delaying smartphone use could be one intervention to support improved mental health in children and adolescents. Perhaps this is why tech industry leaders delay or limit their own children’s access to personal technology devices and social media, citing concerns about distraction and addiction.

Trauma & technology collide

Although the risks of digital technology use are concerning for all children, they are even more pronounced for children and adolescents who have experienced early adversity and trauma. 

Early experiences like abuse, neglect, violence and exploitation can disrupt healthy brain development, laying a foundation for difficulties in thinking and learning, increased vulnerability to high-risk behaviors, chronic disease and functional impairments. 

At the same time, Scripture never gives adversity the final word. God has created each individual in His image and with a good plan and a purpose. He has made us to be more than conquerors (Romans 8:37). 

Scientifically we see that, although early adversity can create special vulnerability to some negative outcomes, early adversity in itself doesn’t determine our future.  In fact, there is an entire field of research on resilience, or the concept of overcoming difficult circumstances. The experience of early adversity comes with risks to be conscious of and a motivation to be even more intentional in our caregiving, offering every child in our care every opportunity and advantage to fulfill their potential. 

It’s through this lens that we must consider technology for a child who has experienced adversity or trauma. 

While parents and caregivers want the best for all children, many caring for children who have experienced early adversity may not realize that digital technology use can amplify the physical, cognitive and behavioral risks these children are already facing. 

The science of early adversity and technology

Several years ago, a dear friend and adoptive mother approached Dr. Mandy Howard and me about the issue of problematic technology use in children who had experienced early adversity. Well-connected in the adoption community, she was alarmed at the number and severity of stories she was hearing about technology playing a detrimental role in the lives of children who had been adopted. 

She asked us to review the empirical literature to determine what was already known. After thoroughly investigating the research, we found no published peer-reviewed studies on the topic. So we launched the first study of its kind examining the relationship between childhood vulnerability and problematic technology use.

We surveyed 616 adults about their experiences of childhood adversity and their habits and practices around technology. In particular, we examined the relationship between early adversity and problematic technology use. 

We found a decisive relationship between early adversity as children and problematic technology use. Participants reported struggling to control their media use, feeling drawn back to devices even when they wanted to stop, and using technology in ways that interfered with sleep, work and relationships. Individuals who reported facing greater challenges early in life were more likely to struggle with controlling their media use later on. [See infographic in English or Spanish.]

While we gathered data for this study, we also surveyed another group: caregivers of current children.  The findings were clear. 

First, higher levels of early adversity were associated with a greater likelihood of problematic technology use, consistent with our first study. Second, children who had experienced foster care or adoption showed higher levels of problematic technology use than children who’d not had these experiences. Third, when we analyzed different types of early adversity (for example, physical abuse, emotional neglect or household instability), all types were linked to an increased likelihood of problematic technology use compared with children who had not experienced that adversity. 

Importantly, these relationships remained significant even after accounting for the total amount of time children spent on screens. In other words, the relationship was not simply about how much children used technology. [See study infographic here].

There are clear, persistent and concerning connections between early adversity and the risks of technology use.

Understanding the Early Adversity–Technology Spiral

Early deprivation, maltreatment and other adversity don’t directly cause technology problems, but they can set the stage. Adversity can alter developing brain systems in ways that make some children more susceptible to misusing technology.

This lays the foundation for the Early Adversity-Technology Spiral: early adversity creates vulnerabilities in the brain, making children more likely to turn to technology in ways that provide quick rewards or emotional relief. Technology misuse or overuse then further shapes those same brain systems, increasing the likelihood that these behaviors will continue.

The more this cycle repeats, the stronger the patterns of impulsive engagement, rapid reward seeking, and difficulty disengaging become.

Understanding this spiral helps us see why the role of loving, attentive adult guidance is so essential. The powerful pull of screens reflects a deep interaction between a child’s developmental history and the robust reward systems built into digital devices. 

Recognizing this relationship is essential for caregivers and practitioners, guiding them both to establish wise boundaries and oversight, and also to provide the support, guidance and opportunities children need to develop healthy coping strategies, self-regulation and attention skills. 

By understanding the underlying dynamics of the Adversity–Technology Spiral, we can respond in ways that help children break the cycle and build resilience for the future.

Navigating digital technology with wisdom 

The evidence is sobering and the risks are clear. If we are to offer the children in our care an optimal chance of fulfilling the purpose God has for them, it will require intentionality, commitment and persistence.  

To hide our children from technology or pretend it isn’t a problem isn’t the answer. Rather, we want to prepare our children to flourish in an increasingly digital world. We must gradually build their child’s capacity, offering developmentally-appropriate exposure to digital technology within the shelter of guidelines and boundaries. 

This model requires effort in the short term but builds long-term resilience and self-governance. 

In the weeks ahead on the CAFO blog, we will continue the conversation on what it means to set wise boundaries, respond to emerging risks and nurture healthier patterns of growth in children who have experienced early adversity. 

– Dr. Nicole Wilke is the director of the CAFO Research Center. 

Navigate Technology Wisely for the Children in Your Care

Vulnerable Children in a Digital Age brings together the wisdom of Scripture and insights from science to help Christian caregivers and practitioners understand what’s at stake and respond with confidence. This book offers practical, evidence-informed strategies to see risks and opportunities, gain actionable practices and navigate emerging challenges. You will be well-equipped to help vulnerable children navigate technology in ways that support long-term healing and resilience.

Learn more and download a free chapter today.

The post Vulnerable children, trauma and technology: The science behind the struggle appeared first on Christian Alliance for Orphans.

He grew up calling his grandmother “Mama,” and calling his mother “Sister.” 

Only later did he learn the truth. But over time, he came to see a purpose flowing from his story. 

“It dawned on me that I was saved from abortion to help other people who are vulnerable to find safe environments or safe families to belong to,” Kwayisi explained.

He has served as a pastor and youth pastor for 15 years and is passionate about helping vulnerable children and teenagers find a sense of identity and belonging. He wants these youth to know that “God cares for them, that it doesn’t matter how they were born, and it doesn’t even matter the challenges they face.”

Kwayisi has led his church into this type of counter-cultural ministry with approximately 200 youth and their families, holding together both “gospel proclamation” and “gospel demonstration.” 

“It’s a tension we’re going to hold between social justice and preaching the gospel,” explained Kwayisi. “A gospel that cannot transform the society, a gospel that cannot change people, is not a gospel enough. It must change our hearts, must transform our minds and must empower our hands to be able to do the good works which God ordained for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10). 

This holistic commitment to both holiness and helpfulness is at the core of how Kwayisi views faithfulness for a church. “Pure religion to a church is about making room for the other, the other that doesn’t look like them, to care about them and to stand with them for justice.”

The Pure Religion Project, CAFO’s church ministry initiative, aims to inspire and equip God’s people to live out the “pure religion” described in the book of James and invited throughout Scripture through resources, supportive community and ongoing connection and coaching.

The post A gospel powerful enough to transform our hearts, minds and hands appeared first on Christian Alliance for Orphans.

When Arun Raj* first began helping organizations across South Asia support children in families, he had no roadmap. 

During the COVID-19 pandemic, his organization moved hundreds of children from residential care into family care. Eventually, that work expanded across multiple organizations and reached nearly 1,000 children. Children were reconnecting with families, and organizations were exploring new ways to support them.

But behind the scenes, Raj was learning through trial and error. “I was at zero. We learned after making a lot of mistakes,” he said. 

Without formal training or a clear process to follow, he searched online for resources, trained social workers and learned as he went. Some approaches worked. Others didn’t. Looking back, he realized he had been measuring success in a simple way: How many children had returned to families? 

For a long time, that number felt like the most important outcome — until he began encountering situations that challenged his assumption.  

When success isn’t success

After Raj helped reunify a child with her family, ongoing follow-up visits revealed something troubling. The home was not as safe as it had first appeared. Over time, concerns about abuse began to surface. 

The experience forced him to wrestle with questions that didn’t have simple answers.

“I thought that placing children back to family was the ultimate goal, but it is not [always the case],” he said.

He was beginning to learn that care decisions cannot be reduced to a single formula. Rather than measuring success by the number of reunifications completed, he began asking different questions: Was the child safe? Was the family prepared? Would this arrangement truly help the child and family thrive over the long term? 

“I learned that each case is different, and each child is different,” he said. 

From doing the work to developing others

As Raj’s understanding of family care grew, so did his understanding of leadership. 

For years, he carried much of the work himself. When organizations had questions, he tried to find the answers. When challenges emerged, he felt responsible for solving them. That began to shift during his time as a fellow in the Care Transition Accelerator Academy (CTAA) at CAFO.

One of the most influential relationships in the program was with his CTAA practicum coach, Phil. Through regular conversations, Phil helped him see that sustainable change would require more than his own efforts. 

“I thought that I was the one who was supposed to do [the work],” Raj recalled. “But Phil told me, ‘You’re not the one who’s supposed to do [that work]. You’re the coach.’”

Instead of trying to carry every challenge himself, Raj began investing more intentionally in developing others. The goal was no longer simply to help organizations navigate change. It was to equip leaders who could continue supporting children and families long after his direct involvement ended. 

As he worked alongside organizations, Raj began paying closer attention to the people involved in the process. Coaching conversations, mentoring relationships and opportunities to walk alongside leaders often proved just as important as technical knowledge.

“I learned that coaching is about building people and investing in their lives,” he said.

Learning to believe in family

During his CTAA practicum, Raj worked closely alongside a volunteer who had grown up in residential care and was helping support the organization in their next steps. As they talked about family and the importance of helping children grow up in families, the young man began sharing his own story. 

His relationship with his father had been difficult, and after years of tension at home, he eventually entered residential care. When conversations turned toward family, it became clear that his own experience made it difficult for him to see family as something safe or good.

“He was not happy to go back to the family, because of the things that happened,” Raj said. 

Over time, Raj walked alongside him through the difficult questions and helped him broaden his perspective. “Every family is not like his family. Every father is not like his father,” he shared.

This experience reinforced something he was learning throughout his work: children do not all carry the same stories, fears or hopes. Effective care requires understanding those realities and walking alongside each child and their unique situations. 

Raj’s experience also strengthened his conviction that children benefit from belonging and lifelong relationships that families can provide. Not because families are perfect, but because children deserve the opportunity to experience healthy, nurturing family relationships.

Building the next generation 

Today, Raj’s understanding of success looks very different from how it once did. Earlier in his career, he measured success through visible outcomes: a child completed school and became a financially independent young adult. Those milestones still matter, but he no longer sees them as the ultimate goal. 

“Before I came to Care Transition [Accelerator Academy], I thought that the success of an orphaned boy or girl is becoming something great, having a good job and making big money,” he said. 

Over time, Raj began thinking about success as the relationships children would one day build and the families they might one day lead. The boys growing up today may become husbands and fathers. The girls growing up today may become wives and mothers. The relationships they experience will help shape the families they build in the future.

That conviction continues to guide his work in South Asia. For Raj, the vision extends beyond a child’s immediate circumstances. It is helping children experience God’s design for family so they can carry those experiences into the relationships and families they build in the future.

“It is not just about placing children back in families,” Raj said. “It is about caring for the families of the next generation.”

Explore the Care Transition Accelerator Academy

If you’re interested in helping more children grow up in families, we’d love to connect with you. Learn more about the Care Transition Accelerator Academy (CTAA) and join our interest list to be notified when future cohorts open.

The post Caring for the families of the next generation: How one leader redefined success appeared first on Christian Alliance for Orphans.