aberrant equation

Fly Delta - Join the CIA

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 01:21:00 +0000

In case I haven't mentioned it before: I travel for a living. Which means I'm on a plane at least twice a week.

Normally I sleep on the plane- or put in my earplugs and read the paper. And, generally, I have a few drinks before- and during the flight.

Anyway... about a month ago- while flying home- I looked up and I SWEAR I saw a CIA commerical on the TV during my flight.

Yes. That's what I said. A COMMERCIAL FOR THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY- on my Delta flight.

Strange- if true. But I wasn't sure if it was real- or if it was the bourbon...

But I needed to find out.

So, for the past few weeks, I payed close attention to the television on the plane- waiting to see the same commercial again.

Finally, this week, I DID!

AND I took a picture of it to prove it was true...

Does ANYONE have any idea why the CIA is advertising on Delta?

Dog and the Design Star

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 15:54:00 +0000

I was flipping through the channels and came across Larry King interviewing someone I initially thought was the really, uh, flamboyant guy from HGTV's Design Star.

On closer inspection, it turned out to be "Dog" from AETV's Dog the Bounty Hunter.

This is "Sparkle" Josh from HGTV's Design Star.

And this is Dog the Bounty Hunter on Larry King Live:

See what I mean?

Worst Slogan Ever

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 02:06:00 +0000

MORE POWER THAN YOU NEED,

ONE DAY YOU'LL NEED IT

huh?

Cheap(er) Gas: Thanks Giant Eagle

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 21:01:00 +0000

Personally, I'm in favor of higher gas prices as a tool for driving down consumption.

But I'm NOT one to pass up a great deal- and today I got one on gasoline.

This afternoon I finally used all of the points I earned from buying groceries at Giant Eagle to save myself $2.20/gallon on a full tank of gas.

As a result, I was able to fill up my truck's 18 gallon tank for $8.44!

Fish Considered Second-Class Pets?

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 14:39:00 +0000

Have you heard about the fish food recall?

I didn't think so.

It wasn't on the news. I just found out about it from this sign at the grocery store.

I checked the Sergeants website and, sure enough, the recalled fish food has the same problem as the cat and dog food that was recalled with such a big fuss last month:

Sergeant's Pet Care Products, Inc. has announced it is voluntarily removing ornamental fish food products from retail store shelves. A portion of the production lots of Atlantis® Goldfish Flake Food and Atlantis® Tropical Fish Flake Food have been found to contain the contaminant, melamine.

No Thinking During National Emergency

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Sat, 07 Jul 2007 01:17:00 +0000

Funny stuff!

Someone posted this sign on High St. in front of the Cup O' Joe.

There Are Alternatives

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Sat, 23 Jun 2007 15:13:00 +0000

I saw this huge billboard along the highway the other night...

This got me thinking about the signs that SHOULD have been there.

Signs like...

or...

Blacks, Jews and Babies?

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Sun, 20 May 2007 19:34:00 +0000

I saw this ridiculous bumper sticker on a car at the grocery store that attempts to equate Slavery and Genocide with Abortion:

Enough said.

Truth Booth?

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Tue, 01 May 2007 04:18:00 +0000

I was in Cleveland last weekend- at the Tower City Mall- when I came across this crazy thing called the "Truth Booth".

Sitting between the cell phone booth and the jewelry booth, this cheesy, mall-based display of unborn baby pictures was a serious embarrassment to the 'pro-life' campaign.

According to the signage, the "truth boof" claimed to have "4D ultrasound" images. (I assume the 4th 'D' is time- which is hardly something to brag about. I would have TOTALLY been impressed by a 5D display- assuming the 5th 'D' was, of course, the TWIGHLIGHT ZONE.)

Anyway... I REALLY wanted to stop and 'talk' with the group of old dudes sitting around the display - but I was carrying a bunch of luggage and decided to come back later- but no one was there when I came back.

So, anyway, I just checked out their website and found even MORE ridiculous info:

Philosophy:
* State the facts scientifically by referring to the brochures. (I MUST get one of those brochures ... ha!)
* Withhold from discussing any issues. The images of the baby speak for themselves. (ha HA!)
* Locate in area malls to better reach the youth. (HA HA HA!)

I'm Kevin Kurgis and I'm a Lawyer...

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Sun, 15 Apr 2007 06:43:00 +0000

People are confused by, and deathly afraid of, legal stuff. Lawyers know this- and often create advertisements that exploit these fears.

This Ad for Kevin Kurgis- a personal injury lawyer in Ohio- is a great example of ads that use fear to gain new customers. It's really funny- and completely over the top- even though it totally follows the personal injury lawyer ad format.

The Kurgis ad starts off with a cheesy accident reenactment (sorry, I left cut this part off of the youtube video)- followed a fast-paced message from Kevin Kurgis, Lawyer, delivered while he walks quickly through a dark courtrooom accompanied by spooky lighting and scary music.

Just watch it and you'll see what I mean...

Pat Boone's Gonna Save My Soul

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 02:21:00 +0000

I guess I shouldn't care- they always have stupid ads on these right-wing websites.

But come on- Pat Boone? Pressuring TV advertisers not to show ads during sexy tv shows?

Like network television has ANYTHING sexy? Violent- maybe. But nothing sexy, I promise you.

Hell - the shirt Pat is wearing in the anti-sexy-TV ad is more sexy than ANY network television show I've ever seen.

I've included another view of the same shirt. Damn! now THAT's sexy....

Postal Service Sells Child Porn- Then Arrests Customers

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 04:06:00 +0000

Don't get me wrong- I'm not a fan of child porn or people who promote it. But reading this story leaves me with a lot of unanswered questions like :

1. How can the postal service post an ad for child porn and then arrest people who respond to it? Isn't that entrapment?

2. Who the fuck buys anything on VIDEO TAPE anymore?

3. Has this guy never watched a cop show on TV (or on video tape even)?

Jesus, man- Rule #1, after being arrested, is ALWAYS: ask for a lawyer before you say ANYTHING.

And even if you can't remember that rule- you can AT LEAST REMEMBER NOT TO ADMIT OT SOMETHING EVEN WORSE! e.g. if they arrest you for watching child porn DO NOT make it worse by admitting to touching and/or exposing yourself to small boys at a church camp.

--------------

Former pastor pleads guilty to receiving child pornography
Associated Press
COLUMBUS, Ohio - A former pastor pleaded guilty in federal court Wednesday to receiving child pornography across state lines, the U.S. Department of Justice said.
David Waser, 57, former pastor of Newark's Second Church of Christ, faces five to 20 years in prison when he is sentenced in U.S. District Court.
Authorities said Waser ordered 11 child pornography videos in June 2006 by sending a $130 money order to an address listed on an Internet advertisement that had been posted by the U.S. Postal Inspection Service. Officials said some of the videos involved children as young as 4.
A postal inspector who posed as a letter carrier delivered the videos to Waser's home in July and obtained a search warrant immediately afterward. The inspector found the package opened and one of the videos inserted into a VCR, the government said.
"He cooperated with authorities, he accepted responsibility, he's seeking treatment," said Waser's attorney Keith Yeazel. "Once he's sentenced, he's potentially looking at a lifetime of supervision."
Besides a prison sentence, Waser faces a fine of up to $250,000, supervised release for up to life and the possibility that he would be required to register as a sexual offender.
A U.S. postal inspector testified in August that Waser said in interviews that he touched several children inappropriately during the past 37 years and had exposed himself to children at church camp and pretended it was an accident.
Waser was being held in a Franklin County jail. A sentencing date had not yet been scheduled, Yeazel said.

My stick is sharpened… what was that return address again?

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 03:51:00 +0000

You can buy all kinds of crazy, politically-themed crap these days.

This, for example, is something called a "Postage Pal™". It contains a mildly funny joke comparing two likely Democratic candidates to a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

A Postage Pal appears to be nothing more than a sticker that the buyer is supposed to attach to the front of an envelope prior to affixing the proper postage.

I am not exactly sure who the target audience is for something like this. I do know that it would certainly be inappropriate for any type of business or professional correspondence- and the humor would certainly be lost on the person processing your phone bill.

It should probably be excluded from your yearly batch of Christmas cards- but it might find an interested and enthusiastic audience among the people processing your donation to the ultra-conservative, faith-based charity of your choice.

Whatever you do- don't send it to me... because I have my stick sharpened- and google maps all ready to give me directions to your house.

Cinci-tucky Airport (CVG) Is #1 (most expensive airport)

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 03:55:00 +0000

I live in Columbus, OH and I travel for work almost every week.

Two weeks ago I got a call on Thursday. I needed to be in Cincinnati on Monday morning.

It's about a hundred miles from here to there- maybe an hour an a half if the traffic is bad- but still, I decided to look at flights online.

The cheapest I could find was for $1100... That's like ten bucks a mile!

Ridiculous. I decided to drive.

Then I got a call from my boss on Friday to tell me that I was not going to Cincinnati- instead, I would be working in Florida.

I again went online to price flights... Flight to jacksonville, Florida: $299- with one stop. And guess where that stop was?

Yes: Cincinnati.

HOW THE FUCK CAN THEY CHARGE $299 TO FLY TO FLORIDA- WITH A LAYOVER IN CINCINNATI - BUT CHARGE $1200 ON THE FIRST HALF OF THAT FLIGHT?!!!!!!

I still don't get it.

Anyway... here's an article about it... please let me know if YOU can figure it out.

CVG earns a bad No. 1
Airport has nation's highest fares once again
BY ALEXANDER COOLIDGE ACOOLIDGE@ENQUIRER.COM

HEBRON - We're No. 1 again. And again, and again, and again.

Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport has racked up an entire year atop the list of the nation's most expensive major airports to fly.

The average roundtrip ticket here costs $556 - $80 more than No. 2 ranked San Francisco International with an average fare of $476, according to a new report issued by the Department of Transportation's Office of Aviation Analysis. The latest data are from the third quarter of 2006.

Rounding out the top five: No. 3, Washington's Dulles International with an average roundtrip fare of $434; No. 4, Dallas/Fort Worth International with tickets averaging $428; and Newark (N.J.) Liberty International Airport with tickets averaging $422.

With the Hebron airport dominated by Delta Air Lines' second-largest hub, consumers have long complained that ticket prices are sky high. With the exception of six months in late 2004 and early 2005, the airport has consistently ranked among the most expensive major airports in the country. The last time CVG wasn't No. 1 was during the third quarter of 2005 - when it was No. 5.

"If you've got an unlimited bank account, you don't mind living with Cincinnati's fares," said John Banner, a 56-year-old Clifton attorney who frequently catches flights out of Dayton or Indianapolis to save money.

Delta and its Erlanger-based Comair subsidiary operate more than 80 percent of the flights from CVG.

Airport officials have said they've tried to woo low-cost carriers, but the prospect of competing with Delta at its hub has been less than tempting. Spokesman Ted Bushelman added that even when low-cost carriers have come to CVG, Delta lowers its prices on competing routes until the competition abandons the airport. "Fliers stick with Delta," he said.

Delta officials have defended local fares in the past, saying they cover the costs of offering direct service to more than 120 destinations, including Europe, Mexico and the Caribbean.

"Cincinnati customers continue to choose their hometown airport to take advantage of convenient nonstop service," said spokeswoman Gina Laughlin.

Local flyers got a break from the high fares in the summer of 2004 through early 2005 when Delta launched a simplified pricing structure before later filing for bankruptcy in the fall of 2005.

George Bush: Ethanol Scientist

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 01:29:00 +0000

George loves to dress up and play pretend- Fighter Pilot, Rancher, President...

Last week he dressed up like a lab tech while visiting an Ethanol plant in North Carolina.

He was there promoting his weak-ass "20 in 10" proposal to reduce gasoline usage by 20% in ten years.

Here is a better idea: because the price-elasticity of gasoline is 20%, put a 100% tax on all gasoline sales and the usage will drop 20% TODAY!

But MTV would not pimp his wheelchair...

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 05:59:00 +0000

Neither Rain, Nor Sleet, Nor Snow...

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 02:20:00 +0000

After I spent a bunch of time digging through the ice and snow on my sidewalk to make a path for the mail guy...

Cornell McCleary's Grammar Sucks Almost as much as his Predictions

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 06:28:00 +0000

In a recent post, Cornell McCleary claims that William Todd (dirtbag republican lawyer) can beat Columbus Mayor Michael Coleman. "If Todd can get outside Central Ohio money to flow his way" he says, "a Mayoral campaign ran on character issues will potentially destroy Coleman. "

1. Keep dreaming. Todd is a dirtbag lawyer with no political experience.

2. it's RUN not RAN.

Shooting Stuff

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 05:40:00 +0000

I was a Bevis and Butthead fan... but never really got into King of the Hill.

However, I found this pretty funny...

Hank Hill: But I never get to bond with Bobby
on account of he's not good at much. Shooting stuff is something A father and son can do together.

Twenty-Twenty-Twenty Four Hours- Oh No!

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 04:21:00 +0000

Let me start by saying that I like the show 24- even if it is on FOX and even though, in a recent post on RAB, Matt confesses his love for it.

I will admit, there certainly are a lot of things for creepy, right-angled weirdos like Herr Naugle to love about this show. But it is not, as he claims, "the most Republican show of all time".

His statement, however, is not at all suprising.

That's because Matt doesn't understand the difference between being a Republican (i.e. a member of the more 'conservative' of the two political parties in the US) and being a right-winged kook.

In reality, the most Republican TV show of all time would have to be one of the many sit-coms from the 50's or early 60's (Leave it to Beaver, Andy Griffith, etc.)- simple and conservative with lots of white people in traditional family roles.

24, on the other hand, has none of this. It is a tense serial drama about terrorism and torture. It even has TWO black presidents!

Matt and the Republicans will agree on one thing: it's AWESOME that everyone on 24 gets their news from the FOX News Network. The terrorists, CTU (The anti-terrorists) and even the President of the United States; everyone on 24 is watching FOX.

But the more subtle, more serious stuff - the stuff that really gets wingnut juices flowing- would actually be offensive, or just ignored, by most true Republicans.

For example, in the attached photo, Jack Bauer is stabbing some Arab terrorist in the neck with a pen in front of an American flag curtin (see photo).

I'm sure a socially conservative Repubican would be offended by the image, if he wasn't already in bed.

A fiscally conservative Republican, if still awake, would be watching the stock reports from Asia instead of some sit-com on Fox.

Personally, I found it quite amusing.

But Matt and his crew?

They spent the next commercial break quickly and quietly (so as not to wake up Mother) zipping up their pants and cleaning off the TV screen with a tissue.

All Signs Point To...

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 06:19:00 +0000

I have always wondered who was responsible for changing all of those signs that show the name of the Governor- and how soon, after the new Governor takes office, the signs are changed.

Well- I'd like to thank the Toledo Blade for answering one part of this question.

According to the Blade, "Minutes (after Strickland is sworn in as Ohio's new Governor), workers plan to scrape Mr. Taft’s name from the window of the door of the office and replace it with Mr. Strickland’s."

This certainly makes sense. You can't be a respected leader with some other guy's name on your office door.

But what about all of the other signs? Like the really big ones that currently say: WELCOME TO OHIO – Bob Taft, Governor.

Will those all be updated? By whom? When?

Here's a better question: will Ted put his name up there too?

It seems like a waste of our tax dollars to change these perfectly good street signs every few years just to promote a recently elected official .

I did a little research (very little, actually) and found a photo of the Welcome to Ohio sign from the early 70's- and a more recent one.

You'll notice that they didn't used to have the name of the Governor on the sign.

Creation Museum Puts Artifacts of History in True, Biblical Context

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Fri, 05 Jan 2007 20:33:00 +0000

Something big is happening in Petersburg, KY. Something monumental.

They are building a museum. A very special museum. And it's about damn time.

For far too long 'science' has had a monopoly on museums. But that is about to change with the Creation Museum now under construction in Petersburg, KY.

Unlike Traditional, Godless Natural History museums that focus only on the theory of evolution,
the new Creation Museum will provide its visitors with a bible-focused "walk through history" as it really happened; as it was dictated to us by God in the Bible.

The new Creation Museum will provide the correct (i.e. biblical) context for the artifacts of history normally found in the traditional, homosexual-run museums.

At long last, you will be able to see life-size dinosaurs in larger-than life dioramas depicting the
world at the time these great creatures lived alongside man… over SIX THOUSAND YEARS AGO.

Unfortunately, the museum is still under construction and they don't plan to be open until at least June, 2007.

In the mean time, I recommend checking out their really great website. Especially the online walkthrough of the future Creation Museum , which gives you a glimpse of what you will be able to see on your vacation to Kentucky next summer.

Stay tuned for my next post where I will provide some advice and insight for visitors to this new kind of museum.

Biblical Natural History In Petersburg, KY

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Fri, 05 Jan 2007 16:34:00 +0000

Answers in Genesis, the group building a creation museum in Petersburg, KY, couldn't have chosen a better site for their $25 million temple to the simple beauty of history as defined by literal bible interpretation.

For the uninitiated, here is the description from their website:

The 50,000 sq. ft. Creation Museum located within the greater Cincinnati area will proclaim the Bible as supreme authority in all matters of faith and practice in every area it touches on. Set to open in June 2007, this “walk through history” museum will counter evolutionary natural history museums that turn countless minds against Christ and Scripture.

Petersburg is a community in Louisville, KY. According to info from the last Census, Petersburg has a Population of only 1,843. 97.45% are white and 71.712% are Republican.

Yes- Petersburg is the perfect place for a small group of Christian soldiers to make their stand against the Science Conspiracy's anti-faith agenda. Finally, a museum where Christian Home schooled children can learn the truth.

Stay tuned for my review of their awesome website!

YOUR A SCUMBUCKET FOR TAReiNG THIS OFF!

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 04:00:00 +0000

I found this above the urinal at a local bar. It says:

YOUR A SCUMBUCKET FOR TAReiNG THIS OFF!

Everyone knows that bathroom graffiti always contains grammar and spelling mistakes.

One of the most common is the use of "your" instead of "you're". (usually in the form of: your a fucking idiot- or some such retort)

Therefore if the incorrect use of "your" was the only mistake in this message then I certainly wouldn't have bothered to include it here.

But this one has another wonderful and amusing spelling mistake: "tareing". (Which I assume is supposed to be "tearing" i.e. ripping)

That's an original one- and not just for bathroom walls.

A google search finds only '2,700 results for tareing' - making me think the author of this graffiti is pretty original.

And, except for the crappy internet poets (e.g. tareing up the sheets ), this turns out to be true:

June 29, 1805
Captain William Clark (of Lewis and Clark fame)

Captain William Clark... a torrent of rain and hail fell more violent than ever I saw before, the rain fell like one voley of water falling from the heavens and gave us time only to get out of the way of a torrent of water which was Poreing down the hill in[to] the River with emence force tareing every thing before it takeing with it large rocks & mud,

Warning: Shoe Contains Security Device

noreply@blogger.com (AberrantEquation) — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 03:51:00 +0000

While returning my shoes after bowling, I noticed this message printed on the inside:

Warning: Shoe Contains Security Device

Whatever could it be?

I walked outside the bowling alley, to my car, while wearing these shoes earlier in the evening.

No alarm went off.

They might as well have written Warning: beware of dog.

Anyway- I can't imagine anyone would really be fooled by this message.

Instead, they should consider writing: Please don't steal our shoes or we'll be really, really sad.