It was great to interview Sian Cardy and Stefano Capacchione from Puck Creations for the ‘Leaning Forward’ podcast recently. It’s an episode with a decidedly international flavour, not least because they live in The Netherlands and one is Irish and the other English with an Italian surname!

We discuss various aspects of brand communication and how to tell a story about your business that really stands out.

Sian tells a lovely story (at 44.00) about a significant moment, at International Women’s Day in Eindhoven three years ago, where she realised their new business concept was working.

It’s such a powerful communication technique to zero in on a moment when you’re trying to educate your audience – much better than using generalisms and abstract language.

Tune into this episode and gain some valuable insights from this likeable duo.

Highlights:
04.50: The ‘Storytelling with Puck’ initiative
11.00: The story behind Puck Creations
21.50: Customer-led thinking (the story ‘pulls’; irritation vs agitation)
27.15: Keeping your employees connected during lockdown
29.10: The importance of asking questions
35.07: Safe is risky (not everyone has to like you)
38.10: Just be YOU!
41.05: Look outside your own environment (power of ‘weak ties’)
44.00: “The moment I knew it was working” (International Women’s Day)
48.30: Hopes for 2021.

Image from Robert Bye on Unsplash

If only there were more hours in the day!

It’s a familiar lament, but has the shift to remote (home) working actually made that wish come true? Speaking for myself, I’ve certainly cut out a lot of business travel. The commute is from bedroom to lounge (from room to Zoom) and I can’t say I’ve missed the experience of traffic jams and being late for meetings.

It’s now possible to pack multiple meetings into the day – no more pesky journeys in between. It’s easier, cheaper, so much more efficient!

But can I suggest that all this comes with a health warning?

Walls aren’t just made of bricks; the mortar plays a role too!

Let’s run with that metaphor for a moment.

• Think of your working day as a wall (it’s a finite size, like hours in a day).
• The bricks are those times of the day when you’re doing tasks (producing).
• The mortar in between is the remainder of the time.

In theory, you could get more done by having more bricks and thinner mortar. But for the wall to work you need sufficient mortar (and space) between the bricks. Too much mortar and you squeeze out the bricks (not enough stuff gets done!).

So, I’d like to make a case for valuing the mortar, that ‘in-between’ stuff that keeps up happy, healthy and productive.

Here are some examples:

Small talk

This might be, “how was your weekend?” a casual inquiry before you get down to business.

The term ‘small talk’ is an unfortunate term (a bit like ‘soft skills’). It implies something of lesser importance, not be taken seriously. But something small can make a huge difference to the way a conversation goes and the future path of that relationship.

Let’s call it ‘human talk’.

Small talk (‘phatic communication’) is not really about the content of the conversation at all; it’s signalling that you’re open-hearted and feeling positive about the encounter.

The time to understand

Getting down to business too early in a conversation or failing to ‘read’ the other person can result in a lack of human connection and an absence of understanding about the other party.

Taking time to truly understand people is a vital part of building productive relationships. You might think that means less time to deal with the business at hand but it’s a critical investment.

When you take an interest in people they feel valued, understood, they warm to you, you buy yourself time to think of what to say next and you gather valuable intelligence. That’s an amazing return for that investment!

Time to learn

When the first lock-down came in this year most of my work disappeared (temporarily I’m pleased to say). But I took the opportunity to read some of the personal development books on my shelves and update (and upgrade) my workshop content.

If you’re really busy delivering work that’s great, but when you’re busy chopping the axe gets blunt. Take some time between tasks to sharpen the blade.

Sleep

It’s estimated that in an average lifetime we spend one third of it asleep – what a waste! Didn’t Margaret Thatcher get by on 4 hours’ sleep a night? If only we could reduce those lost hours we could achieve so much more; after all, waking hours = working hours.

These days the accepted wisdom is that sleep is vital for our well-being and productivity. Getting plenty of sleep can reduce the likelihood of obesity, helps our problem-solving skills and memory, reduces the risk of heart disease, stroke, diabetes and depression, boosts our immune function, improves social skills and our ability to recognise people’s emotional expressions.

Sleep, in other words, is time well spent!

Exercise

Over the last few months we’ve become used to home working; some people love it, others can’t wait to “return to normal”. Fans of remote working point to its efficiency and convenience – no commuting, manage your own space, get more done!

The problem is you often find you’ve spent hours sitting on your back-side, with meeting after meeting and no space in between.

The absence of ‘in-between’ time is as problematic as it is efficient. It’s like a meal that’s served in a rush; as soon as one course is finished the plate is whisked away and replaced with the next. No! We need some time to reflect, chat and gear ourselves up for what comes next.

Physical movement is critical too. Distances walked tend to be less at home than with traditional work settings and experts point out that a single piece of strenuous exercise (eg a gym visit, run or brisk walk) does not compensate for long periods of inactivity.

Getting up and down from our chairs throughout the day is highly beneficial.

Mortar matters

My message here is to value the things that happen between-the-tasks. It’s not all about the bricks – mortar matters too!

Dad, you’ve really got to watch this.

So said my daughter last week, and she was right – I really DID have to watch this, and so do we all.

She was referring to the new Netflix film ‘A Life on our Planet‘, released this month and fronted, of course, by Sir David Attenborough. I’ve been watching the great man’s documentaries for as long as I can remember and it’s interesting that his life span matches that of television itself.

Series like Blue Planet, Life in the Freezer and Seven Worlds, One Planet have employed powerful storytelling techniques to connect with us on the level of Logos (informative), Ethos (credibility – from ‘the man’ himself) and Pathos (making us care, triggering powerful emotions).

The storytelling in these series often centres around the travails of individual creatures – the extraordinary lengths to which they go to attract a mate, feed their young or simply avoid falling prey to those higher up the food chain.

This Netflix movie is different, because the story centres more around Sir David himself. Now 93, he’s seen the impact we’ve had on our precious world. The documentary and its salutary message serves as a testament, shared by the most trusted and qualified of witnesses.

The ‘logos’ element comes partly in the form of a numerical counter, with population and atmospheric pollution going up over time, while the percentage of the planet classed as ‘wilderness’ declines alarmingly.

This time it’s Attenborough himself in the starring role, a calm but clearly anguished voice, shaken by the damage we have done to our fragile world. As he puts it:

This film is my witness statement and my vision of the future.

This is a plea for partnership, a recognition that we cannot survive in a world where biodiversity is sacrificed in favour of short-term need and greed. We can, he argues, live in harmony with our planet but it means some pretty fundamental changes to the way we go about our daily business.

Cleverly, the film is bookended by a visit to Chernobyl, a town where humans have withdrawn and nature has been allowed to flourish. It’s a welcome note of optimism for the viewer, where catastrophism can leave people feeling helpless and fatalistic.

A great (and vitally important) story needs a great storyteller to do it justice. Sir David, and his dedicated team of film-makers, have raised the bar once again.

In the opening chapter of his book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell introduces the concept of ‘thin-slicing’ with the strapline “How a little bit of knowledge goes a long way”. It’s about the way we draw big conclusions from very little evidence, in the blink of an eye.

Gladwell cites a study of medical malpractice cases in the US; researchers found that surgeons who got sued less than others spent more time with their patients, engaged in active listening and were more likely to laugh and be humorous during their visits.

In short, they were more likeable. 

Research done by Robert Cialdini and Steve Martin highlights the role of likeability when it comes to persuasion (selling); we find it easier to buy from people we like and from people like us. The “like us” bit points to the importance of finding common ground in conversation (although beware of the habit of conversational theft – “You know, the same thing happened to me the other day…”).

It appears that likeability can indeed get you a long way – so, what makes some people likeable and others not? It’s not as simple as it sounds (I’ve chosen 4 people in the header image I would consider likeable, but they may not be your cup of tea).

I was a bit shocked when my son told me some of his friends are not fans of Tom Hanks. For me, the modern-day Jimmy Stewart can do no wrong – Hanks (although loud and extroverted) is often considered an archetype when it comes to charm and likeability.

By contrast, New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern is softer and less showy. She’s a woman with strong opinions who still comes across as warm and humble.

Ardern and Hanks are very different characters, but both have a huge fan base. 

We can agree that likeability comes in different forms and that you can’t please everyone. The desire to be liked is also problematic if it’s at the expense of being respected (think of David Brent in The Office).

However, I do believe there are some guiding principles, some tips and techniques (often small things) that make it more likely you’ll win admirers, gain respect and attract new opportunities.

Big doors swing on little hinges – W. Clement Stone (American billionaire and philanthropist) 

Take an interest in people

People are flattered when you take an interest in them, but don’t pretend to be interested when you’re not (true intent matters). Try to find something in what they are saying that intrigues you.

I remember running a workshop in Leeds a few years ago and we were doing some role play around the topic of small talk. At one point, things ground to a halt when one delegate said they were into golf and the other (who clearly wasn’t) couldn’t think of anything else to ask.

One way out of this conversational cul-de-sac might be:

Mmm, I know a few people in the office who are really into golf, but I don’t get the appeal. Tell me, what is it about golf that gets people so hooked? 

In this situation, you’re not pretending to be interested in golf – you’re interested in why people are interested in golf (a different angle which could easily trigger new threads).

Develop your conversational skills

It stands to reason that taking an interest in others requires you to be a good questioner and listener. It helps if you enter a conversation with an intent to understand – like a detective or journalist, but less intrusive.

On the flip side it’s great if you’ve got something arresting to say about yourself (your storytelling skills). Many people avoid this by claiming, “Nothing interesting ever happens to me.” But it’s a learned skill and it’s the smaller observations and incidents that make the best anecdotes (see this legendary episode of the Graham Norton Show).

Storytelling (and story-listening) is something we explore in depth in our Applied Storytelling programme.

Make others feel better about themselves

Dale Carnegie recognised the importance of winning friends as a route to success; he suggested that the sweetest sound we can ever hear is the sound of our own name (although perhaps not when it’s read out in court!).

If you’re on a group video call, refer to something another delegate said earlier if you feel it adds something to the discussion. It’s not always about you saying something impressive; recognise the contributions made by others.

In fact, if you DO want to make an insightful point, refer to others as exemplars, people who exhibit the techniques and behaviours you are looking to promote. It’s nice if you’re an expert in your field to have the confidence in yourself to acknowledge the work of others, ostensibly your competitors.

Learn to accept (and give) compliments

If someone gives you a compliment, rather than brush it off (a very British thing), accept it gracefully. Recognise the contribution others have made to your success. Tell us who you admire, the people who have shaped your thinking and beliefs. Whatever success you have had has probably involved standing on the shoulders of others!

Sending someone an unsolicited LinkedIn recommendation is one of the most appreciated things you can do. 

Point out the mistakes you’ve made (and the lessons learned)

Brene Brown maintains that the most connected people (not in terms of LinkedIn numbers, but those with rock-solid relationships) share one characteristic – a willingness to embrace their own vulnerability. Be willing to accept and point out the mistakes you’ve made, and what you have learned along the way. If you do this skilfully you’ll come across as humble, reflective and wise.

This can be a useful strategy as a manager when you’re dealing with under-performing employees. Remind them that you were in their position once and made the same mistakes. But a mentor pointed you in the right direction…

Humour

Judicious use of humour can get you a long way. Great speakers often open with a self-deprecating story (as with the first few minutes of Bryan Stevenson’s wonderful TED talk). It temporarily lowers their status, makes them human (and flawed), gets the audience behind them and then…they deliver the goods.

They can do this because their status is established (after all, they’ve been asked to speak), so more care needs to be taken with self-deprecation in things like a job interview.

Incidentally, Malcolm Gladwell observes that interviewees who speak with confidence are seen as either self-assured or arrogant, depending on their likeability. 

Gentle teasing can boost likeability, but again you have to be careful. When it comes from a place of affection (and the target sees it that way), the bond strengthens. There’s a rule in comedy that teasing works when it’s directed at those who are higher or on the same level, but to tease downwards is just mean. Watch this clip where Hanks teases David Walliams on the Graham Norton Show – he seems to take it well!

Leave a good footprint

Carnegie got it right when he identified lots of little things which, when combined, help us win friends and influence people. Think of each interaction you have as leaving behind a footprint, where people feel more confident, empowered, informed, inspired, understood, appreciated and listened to as a result of that time with you.

We all get this wrong for time to time, occasionally assuming we did well when the reverse is true. But if you have the humility to recognise this, and the desire to improve, you’ll develop a powerful fan base over time.

Top row: Andrew Vincent, Ali Foxon, Andy Hall, Andrew Greenwood

Bottom row: Ellie Pool, Linton Foat, Paul Lewis, Charlotte Simpson

It was twelve months ago this week that a group of 8 individuals stepped onto the stage at Bollington Arts Centre in Cheshire. They had something to say about ‘the art of connection’ and the very first TEDx event to come to our town provided their platform.

Over the past year their talks have accumulated almost 12,000 views on YouTube and people from all around the globe have connected with their message and story.

Many things have happened since that extraordinary Sunday (Father’s Day 2019), not least the outbreak of a global health pandemic, so it felt right to ask them three questions:

• What do remember most from that day?
• What’s changed for you in the last year?
• Do you think the topic of your talk has even greater relevance today?

Here’s a reminder of the topics our speakers addressed, and their responses to our questions:

Q1) – what do remember most from the day? 

“Nerves, fear, relief, exhaustion!” answered Ali Foxon (drawn to love nature) to the first question, but also a huge sense of pride and connection with her fellow speakers – “We were all rooting for each other.”

For Andrew Vincent (the art of asking questions) being first on stage meant, “I could relax and enjoy listening to the other speakers.”

Manchester-based Youth worker Paul Lewis (how to connect with a teenager) recalled a later conversation he had with a member of the audience, a mother who was struggling to connect with her own child.

Recreating his TEDx experience, Andrew Greenwood (why repetition can be a unique experience) donned the same shirt he’d worn on the day for this short video, reflecting on the day! He also talks about the pride he felt in producing the visual branding for TEDx Bollington, as well as being a speaker.

Andrew found the rehearsals especially memorable – the sense of mutual support, seeing people grow in confidence and hearing their stories for the first time.

Social media advocate Ellie Pool (time to remove the filter from social media) was struck by the air of positivity in the room (“an exciting and inspirational place to be”). 

“I remember that day so vividly,” says Andy Hall, (can we combat our own mental illnesses?) “the teamwork, the excitement, the buzz and especially my 18 year-old son in the audience, hearing me share my story on stage for the first time. It was the most liberating day of my life; like everything I had been through was for this one day.”

Airline pilot Linton Foat (do we need to change our attitude to altitude?), a man used to operating under pressure, felt huge relief as he stepped off stage and heard a loud “Well done!” from a familiar face in the audience.

You wouldn’t know it from watching her talk, but Charlotte Simpson (the art of story-listening) recalled the, “dreaded fear that I’d forget whole chunks of my talk!” And she describes the experience of feeling like a celebrity, being summoned for a photo shoot, as “surreal”.

TEDx Bollington Curator Sara Knowles

Q2 – what has changed in the last 12 months?

We’ve heard a lot about the need to ‘pivot’ in recent weeks, and whether pandemic-related or not, all our speakers have experienced significant change in their lives.

Paul Lewis became a dad some eight months ago with the arrival of a beautiful daughter.

For Andrew Vincent, the strong response to his talk has given him greater impetus in his professional life, where posing the right question is incredibly important for his clients.

Ali Foxon’s talk led to a commission to write a double-page magazine article and an interview on BBC radio.

Ellie reported a feeling of celebrity status within her existing network and the opening up of new conversations and relationships.

“I definitely feel more connected to the Bollington community,” says Charlotte. I hadn’t got involved that much locally beyond the community of my children’s school but I now feel more motivated to do more things for and with my community.”

Andrew Greenwood felt a little flat in the days immediately after the event, but was heartened by the many people who stopped him in the street afterwards to say they’d enjoyed his talk.

“I receive messages weekly,” says Andy Hall, “from local friends to strangers living far afield. Many have said my talk gave them the inspiration to speak up about mental illness.”

Like many, Andy has experienced changes to his routines and an increase in both anxiety and workload – “I have to listen to my own advice!”

Linton’s life took a new turn pre-COVID with the liquidation last year of the company he’d worked with for 17 years. Since then the airline industry has been rocked by the pandemic but, happily, Linton is still in the cockpit, working for a domestic carrier in Japan. In between flights he’s been illustrating a children’s book and writing for a Japanese newspaper about his experiences in Asia.  

Q3) – is your topic more relevant now?

Andy Hall describes mental illness as the largest hidden symptom of the pandemic, with isolation and loneliness causing huge suffering. “People need to take control of their own mental well-being; we have to reconnect with each other sincerely, and with the natural environment too.

“I’ve never known people express so much gratitude for our beautiful countryside,” says Ali Foxon. But she warns, “As lockdown eases, we mustn’t forget how nature comforted us, and our responsibility to protect it. There’s never been a better time to start green sketching and doodle that daisy!”

For Andrew Vincent, the pandemic has highlighted the importance of asking good questions. “It’s been fascinating to watch politicians grapple (so badly) with this in the last 3 months, in part because they seem to have asked poor questions of the situation.”

Paul Lewis points to the pressure on relationships caused by the lockdown, with some teenagers feeling trapped and lonely and parents forced to confront issues they may have with their own children.  Living in a multi-cultural area of Manchester, Paul sees more conversations happening around race and reminds us, “You cannot form connections with people when your opinion of them is negative before you even start.”

Ellie Pool addressed the use of social media in her talk and its role in helping people discuss mental health. “As we’ve all been forced to physically distance ourselves from one another, social media has become the go-to way for people to reconnect. Brands, influencers, small businesses and individuals have been checking in with others, offering advice and support.”

“We’ve all begun to notice what is special in our local environment,” says Andrew Greenwood. “My message last year was to listen, look and feel as we walk around our regular surroundings, and appreciate the positivity in the everyday.” It seems our forced confinement has underlined Andrew’s point.

From the curator…

I leave the last word to the woman who made all this possible, TEDx Bollington curator Sara Knowles. “As the last speaker walked off the stage I realised it was almost over; something we’d worked on for so long was coming to an end, and there was mixture of sadness and relief. It was such a wonderful day, the result of a lot of hard work and generosity by so many volunteers and sponsors.”

Sara drew on her TEDx experience to re-orientate her career, taking on a team-leader/manager role in her international trade work and standing (successfully) in the Bollington Town Council election. Since the lockdown she has worked with fellow councillors and the Town Hall team on the community’s response to COVID-19 and other resilience and strategic projects.

“This pandemic has definitely brought us closer together in so many ways. We may have been physically separated but somehow we’ve found a different kind of spiritual and emotional connection. There’s a stronger recognition of the need for collective well-being, not just relating to people but the natural world too. None of our speakers could have anticipated where we are now, but their themes have more relevance today than ever.”