So many fun events this week! Movies, trivia, food, social justice events, theater… it’s all here, babies. Enjoy this gorgeous city!

Fri 10: Bring It On – presented by Slumber Party Film Society

Videology Bar & Cinema, 308 Bedford Ave, Brooklyn, 7:00 PM – 9:15 PM, $10
One of the great American classics, Bring It On is often credited for reawakening the cheerleader film genre. Come in a cheerleading outfit or with your ~best friend’s brother~ as a date for a free drink!

Fri 10: Sanctuary City : A Benefit for #NoBanNoWallNoRaids

Friends and Lovers, 641 Classon Ave, Brooklyn, 10:00 PM – 4:00 AM, $10-$20 (sliding scale)
It’s a night of music and dance, the proceeds for which support “three community organizations doing vital, on-the-ground work.”

Sat 11: Cat Camp NYC

Metropolitan Pavilion, 125 West 18th Street, various prices
Love cats, but your evil landlady won’t even let you have a pet houseplant? Head on over to Cat Camp! Meet cat celebrities (lol) like Lil Bub and meet lots of adoptable cats. Shop your little cat heart out, and enjoy other amenities that will get your little feline heart singing.

Sat 11: The Stay Woke Comedy Show

Starr Bar 214 Starr Street, Brooklyn, 8:00 PM – 11:00 PM, $5-$10 (suggested donation)
This event is half- comedy show, half-activism gathering. Proceeds go to UnLocal, a non-profit organization that provides immigrant child legal services and deportation defense, and features monologues on immigration and first-generation identity. Have fun and resist fascists.

Sun 12: First Annual Oddities Flea Market

Brooklyn Bazaar 150 Greenpoint Ave., 11:00 AM – 6:00 PM, $2
Flea markets are fun, and often offer the tantalizing possibility  that you’ll find something ~weird~. Well, this one promises more than a possibility- it’s guaranteed. Featuring tarot card readings, strange bits of medical history, taxidermied animals,  and malevolent ghosts (I assume), it’s a flea market you won’t forget (muahaha).

Sun 12: NYC Food Truck Fest 

Grand Bazaar NYC, 100 West 77th Street, 10:00 AM – 5:30 PM, Free
While you’re shoving your face, the organizers of this event will be gathering your money to support public schools. Provide for those children while you’re noshing on Luke’s Lobster, Gorilla Cheese NYC, Neapolitan Express, and more!

Tues 14: The Office Trivia

Tavern on Third, 380 3rd Ave, 8:00 PM – 9:30 PM, Free
THE AMERICAN OFFICE IS BETTER! There, I said it. Wanna fight!? All you have to do to prove your love for the American Office is to reserev yourself a spot, head on over to Tavern on Third, spend $10 on booze/food (easy to do), and throw down for the trivia glory.

Thurs 16: Silence, Please!

Magnet Theater, 524 W 29th St, 10:00 PM – 11:00 PM, $10
I saw this show last week, and it’s GREAT. It’s a lot like old Warner Brothers cartoons, where an orchestral score accompanies a wacky and hilarious journey between furry characters, only the furry characters are very funny improvisers.

It’s getting cool outside again! Let’s celebrate this lovely weather with… a COMPETITION THEMED WEEK! It’s alien vs woman, improviser vs improviser, and human vs a 5K (the 5K always wins) this week with a Bushwick’s Got Talent cherry on top.

Fri 16: Sunshine at Midnight: Aliens

Sunshine Cinema, 143 E Houston St, 11:59 PM, $12
There are a few movies in this world that I will watch every second of if I should happen to catch it on TV or at a friend’s house. Shawshank Redemption is one, Silence of the Lambs is another, and Aliens is the third. It doesn’t get any better than Sigourney Weaver stomping around in a mecha suit, man. I’ve never actually seen it on the big screen, though. Have you? In the past decade?

Fri 16: The Island: Cutthroat Competition

The People’s Improv Theater (PIT), 123 E 24th St, 7:00 PM, $5
As the tagline says, six improvisers will compete for the glory of one audience member in this show, using comedy as their sharpest weapon. Who will survive this improv competition? The event doesn’t describe what happens to the losers, so I assume that they are murdered under the reddish lights of the bar upstairs.

Fri 16: NY Coffee Festival

69th Regiment Armory, 2:00 PM – 7:30 PM (Sat/Sun starts at 10:00 AM) $20 online/$25 door
Your ticket to this event gets you in for a 3-hour session where you can drink as much coffee as you can fit down your gullet, as well as learn interesting coffee stuff from experts giving presentations (for more info see their website) and various ways to brew at home. Yum! I’ve got the jitters already.

Sat 17: Portraits of Women, Feminist Icons: Opening Party

The Diana Kane Boutique, 229 5th Ave, Brooklyn, 6:00 0 8:30 PM, Free
Twenty artists were given a 12 X 12 canvas and the simple instruction to make a portrait of a woman of their choosing. These artists, many of them NYC locals, have produced art representing women from Madonna to Malala. Come for snacks, drinks, and a chance to chat with some of the artists

Sat 17: Balboa Crash Course

You Should Be Dancing! Dance Center, 412 8th Ave, 12:00 – 3:00 PM, $40 advance/$50 day of
Balboa is not, as I had previously thought, a type of tall tree. It is a fusion of dance styles that originated in the 20s and 3os, and here’s you chance to take a crash course that’ll leave you amazing folks on the dance floors. I promise it’ll be way more fun than that couples dance class I took with my mom in high school.

Sun 18: The Brew Hop 5K Race and Craft Beer Fest

Randall’s Island Park, 10:00 AM – 4:00 PM, $60 (access to the race and festival)
You know what the great thing about a 5K is? An actual human can run it without exploding into a thousand tiny melted pieces. I could probably run a 5K and not die… probably. And this 5K ends with a big ‘ol craft brew festival, with unlimited beers you can drink to celebrate that run you did, as well as access to lawn games, food trucks, and live music!

Mon 19: Sunnyside Restaurant Week

Various Sunnyside Restauraunts, All Week, $25
Hooray Sunnyside! Astoria’s next door neighbor that somehow never gets as much attention. Well, this week you can check out some of Sunnyside’s best restos at a great bargain, plus enter to win awesome prizes.

Thurs 22: Bushwick’s Got Talent

House of YES, 7:00 PM – 10:00 PM, $15-$25
Bushwick’s residents and wannabe residents have been working hard at their submissions to be judged in front of you! Come watch celebrity judges (as yet unnamed) cut down (and lift up) Bushwick’s best and brightest for the ultimate glory of a bicycle and $500.

Hi, all! This has been a crazy week in the New York City improv community. Assault charges, bans, Amy Schumer turning out to be not not quite the feminist savior goddess we all thought she was. On the dark side, harassment and assault stories are coming to light that don’t always make the situation seem solvable. On the awesome side, though, women and #allgoodmen have been coming together, meeting up, and supporting each other. For that reason, all these events this week are organized by women and support women.

Fri 19: Legends of the Hidden Tampon

The Annoyance Theater, 367 Bedford Ave, 9:30, $10
There is absolutely no way I’m going to be able to describe this better than the show’s creators. “Legends of the Hidden Tampon is an educational action-adventure game show that challenges a group of comedian contestants to a series of physical and mental games related to women’s health.” It’s a game show about women’s health it’s guaranteed to be hilarious, informative, and action-packed. I mean, just check out the names of the teams: “The Purple Pads” vs “The Silver Speculums” vs “The Orange Oral Contraceptives.” Looks like there are some men playing- hope they’ve done their studying!

Sat 20: Volunteer for the National Organization for Women

Various women’s health clinics, 7:00 AM – 11:00 AM, Free
“How can I support women?” One way is to to help support women exercising their right to choose. You can make a difference in one of the most vulnerable moments in a woman’s life by escorting her past those who would harass and intimidate her and make a difference in her life. Sign up online and, after a brief phone interview, do more than you thought you could on a Saturday morning.

Sat 20: National Scandal at the PIT

People’s Improv Theater, 123 E 24th St, 7:30 PM, $5
If you’ve ever seen a random sketch or improv show, your first thought may have been “Wow, that’s a lot of white dudes.” Groups like National Scandal, consciously formed to be 50% female, 50% male, seek to challenge that norm. Founding member Jennifer Bloodsworth (amazing name) says, “Our core value is to be collaborative. Everyone writes and everyone performs. We decide things like which sketches we will perform and casting as a group. We are always asking things like ‘does this character need to specifically be a man or a woman to make the joke work?'”

Sun 21: Sign Up to Volunteer at Women in Need 

Apx 20 minutes to fill out the application
Knowing how to help a homeless person is a perennial issue for New Yorkers. Money? Food? Fortunately, there’s a way to do actual good through organizations like WIN. For homeless women, particularly homeless mothers, sometimes a step up through things like the Backpack Buddies program, which provides filled backpacks for children in the program, can make all the difference.

Tues 23: Deep Yoga at Bluestockings

Bluestockings, 172 Allen Street, 9:30 AM – 10:45 AM, Free
Bluestockings is an entirely volunteer-driven, feminist, radical bookstore that you need to be going to if you haven’t been there already. This free class, taught by certified teacher Sharyn Hahn, is the perfect chance to get in there and check out this community-driven center for female empowerment.

Tues 23: Two Girls, Tall Boys at the PIT Loft 

PIT Loft, 154 W 29th St, 9:00 PM, $5
The “tall boys” in in Libby Zambrano and Mary-Alice McNab’s two-woman show are beers, but that doesn’t guarantee that there won’t be any discussion of human tall boys. As Zambrano told me, “I’ve been doing improv for 12 years, and I know without a doubt that women have to work twice as hard as men do to get the audience on our side. But once we do, we’ve got them for life!” Go laugh twice as hard this Tuesday.

Weds 24: Check out Troll Hole 

Mermaid Laundromat, 226 Knickerbocker Ave, Brooklyn, 1:00 PM – 10:00 PM, Free
Want to do your laundry AND check out a feminist, queer small business? Head on over to Troll Hole! They mostly specialize in zines and other printed material, but they also have merch (see t-shirts and tote bags above) to browse through while you’re washing your delicates. At the very least, they always have free tampons, pads, and panty liners – a sentence I have never written and which makes me supremely happy to have typed.

Thurs 25: Adult Tai-Chi at the Center for Anti-Violence Education

The Center for Anti-Violence Education, 327 Seventh Street, #2, Brooklyn, 6:00 PM, Sliding Scale (contact annie@CAENY.org for specific info)
Come check out a Tai-Chi class taught by Annie Ellman of CAE, which she says “helps relax, strengthen oneself, and let go of stress and tension.” Stick around afterward to find out about all the amazing ways CAE supports women, minority groups, and the LGBTQ community. Readers of this blog may be interested in their 5-week self defense classes which empower women against “physical and verbal violence,” which is offered free-of-charge to victims of assault. Check out their video introduction to find out more!

A couple of big events this week! Father’s Day is this Sunday, so many sure to call the old guy and give him some tools or something. One year I gave my father and stepfather both a special grill thing to make steaks and I’m pretty sure neither of them used it, so, you know, shop wisely. It’s also summer solstice, so use your sunny hours wisely… on these events!

Fri 17: Salon VI 

137 Marcus Garvey Blvd, Brooklyn, 7:30-midnight, free
Do you ever hear of things like Gertrud Stein’s salons, where deep concepts and art were discussed and think, “man, I should maybe play fewer cell phone games on the train?” Well, now’s the time to get out there and start being more ~cultured.~ Check out some art, drink a fancy (or not fancy) drink, and meet some folks who may own a beret. Plus, there’s even a secret password: monster. Confront the monster within.

Fri 17: Friggin’ Wrestling (HOGxBEYOND) 

NYC Arena, 91-12 144th Pl, Jamaica, $20
Confession time: if I am flipping channels at someone’s house and wrestling comes on, I become transfixed. I cannot look away. Two people, locked in a hateful embrace, fighting for glory? It’s obvious how wrestlemania overtook the United States in the 1990s. I also have no idea what HOG X BEYOND means, but it sounds mysterious and masculine and enticing.

Sat 18: Staged Readings by PostGrad Theater Company 

The Grand Theater at The Producers’ Club, 358 W 44th St, 3:00 PM and 7:00 PM, Free
One of the best things about knowing people getting their MFA’s is that you get to see free shows performed by people who are likely to go on to perform in shows you can’t afford. Check out either show for a chance to see works you’ve never seen at a venue you might never have visited.

Sat 18: Hot GlAss Cold Beer Pride Party 

Brooklyn Glass, 104 14th St, 7:00 PM – ?, $25 (includes handmade glass)
This event sounds AWESOME. You get a glass for the price of admission, plus demonstrations in “glassblowing, neon and flame-working.” I have no idea what that entails, but there are also a drag performance and plenty of drinks. I literally don’t know what else you could want out of a Saturday night.

Sun 19: Harlem One-Miler

Marcus Garvey Park, 9:30 AM, $30

Have you been wanting to get into running, but the thought of a 10K or even a 5K is just super overwhelming and un-fun-sounding? That’s me, basically, except for the wanting to get into running thing (family history of bad knees and hips.) No experience is required for this fun run, and plenty of prizes for the winners! While you’re in Harlem, why not check out this other event…

Sun 19: A Father’s Day “Taste of Harlem.” 

Marcus Garvey Park, 10:00 AM – 4:00 PM, “pay as you taste.”
It’s Father’s Day, and I miss my dad really hard. When he was around, one of his favorite foods was soul food. Fried chicken, mac ‘n cheese, fried okra- I’m pretty sure he had chitlins once or twice, too. Spare a thought for my old dad as you enjoy some of the best food Harlem has to offer.

Tues 21: River to River: Night at the Museums 

Various Locations, 4:00 PM – 8:00 PM, Free
It’s the summer solstice! This being the longest day means you’ve got plenty of time to check out this free event, which features walking tours and music at the following locations. For fun, I’ve italicized those I’ve never visited, and made bold those I have. Are you more cultured than I?

African Burial Ground
The Anne Frank Center USA
Federal Hall
Fraunces Tavern Museum
Museum of American Finance
Museum of Jewish Heritage – A Living Memorial to The Holocaust
National Archives at New York City
National Museum of the American Indian
National September 11 Memorial Museum
NYC Municipal Archives
9/11 Tribute Center
Poets House
The Skyscraper Museum
South Street Seaport Museum
Wall Street Walks

Wow. Turns out I am culturally illiterate. A skyscraper museum, huh!

Thurs 23: Redefined and Redesigned: Defying Gender Norms in Fashion

Brooklyn Historical Society, 128 Pierrepont St, 6:30 PM, $10
As someone who teaches at a fashion college, I can tell you that gender plays a huge role at every level, from the way garments are designed to the way collections are marketed. Experts in the field who play a dual role in questioning the role of gender lead a panel discussion. 

Okay, NOW we’re in proper summer. How can you tell? Beach volleyball! Hispanic festival! Parks ‘n Recs trivia! Okay, that last one if great whenever, but it’s still fun- so grab a buddy and head on out!

Fri 10: IRTE Presents: Last Resort

Producer’s Club, 358 W 44th St, 8:00 PM, $12
What do you think you’ll regret not doing when you’re nearing the end of your life? Never climbing Machu Picchu like all those dudes with their dating profiles? Not writing a memoir of all those Machu Picchu climbs? Not telling that dude in your improv class you thought he was pretty cute? For the seniors in IRTE’s improvised resort, they have one more chance to fulfill these last wishes, chosen by the audience. You may never get around to crossing off items from your bucket list, but these folks will!

Fri 10: Relationsh*t

QED Astoria, 27-16 23rd Ave, 9:30 – 11:00 PM, $8
Do you have those friends who describe their relationship problems and you just want to wave your hands at them to stop, stop, PLEASE STOP because sweet Lord are you not qualified to address why he doesn’t want to have sex without the dog in the room or why she won’t meet his parents unless he agrees to speak Elvish in public? This show gives up the opportunity to hear people talk about their actual relationship problems, followed by advice by a licensed therapist. Come, my fellow snoops, let us listen.

Sat 11: 116th St Festival 

116th St, Harlem, 10:00 AM – 10:00 PM, Free
Where would you guess the largest Hispanic festival happens? Miami? Or LA? Or maybe somewhere like Mexico City? You’d be wrong, muchacho! It’s right here in NYC! Join Puerto Ricans, Dominicans, Mexicans, Cubans, and anybody else who wants to party this Saturday with food, costumes, and of course music and dance.

Sat 11: Pour the Core: A Hard Cider Festival 

Brooklyn Expo Center, 72 Noble St, $29 (discounted until they sell out)/$45
I remember the first time I had hard cider. I was in Stratford, Canada with my good friend Leslie, there for a Shakespeare festival. We were underage, but not in Canada! After we tired of apple martinis (so sophisticated) we decided to sample some Strongbow. Oh the thrill of drinking an apple-based alcoholic beverage among other lit nerd friends! These days I’m more of a beer girl (anything but stouts [unless it’s snowing]) but I still think so fondly of cider. Sample 75 different styles of cider from over 40 cider makers- I bet you’ll get warm fuzzy feelings, too.

Sun 12: Drums along the Hudson 

Inwood Hill Park, Upper Manhattan, 10:00 AM- 6:00 PM, Free
Sad fact: I don’t know where to find Native American food in New York City. My friend and I recently tried to meet up for some, since I’ve been curious about trying some since watching a buzzfeed video. I’m a pretty lazy person, but I got curious and Googled after Yelp produced a diner and a few Peruvian chicken places in response to my queries. It turns out that Native American food just doesn’t really exist in NYC. That’s pretty sad, especially considering Manhattan means “island with many hills” in Lenape.

That doesn’t mean that the culture is gone, though. There’s a community house and a free museum and opportunities like this one to get to know something about the people whose ancestors were here before mine, in a deeper way, probably than my curiosity about trying those awesome-looking foods.

Sun 12: Parks ‘n Rec Trivia 

Videology, 308 Bedford Ave, Brooklyn, 8:00 PM, Free
Quick! What is Ann Perkin’s middle name? What brand athletic shoes does Chris Traeger wear? When is Jerry Gergich’s birthday? If you know the answer to even one of those questions, you’re better at trivia than I am. Test your wits at Videology! 

Mon 13: Frontiers Lecture Series: Coloring the Universe 

American Museum of Natural History, 7:30 PM, $12-$15 (discounts for members and students)
What could be more romantic than gazing at the stars with a lover? Perhaps seeing state-of-the-art photographs of our extended universe beyond the possibility of sight, explained by Astrophysicist Travis Rector.

Wed 15: AVP Beach Volleyball Tournament 

Manhattan Beach Pier, 8:00 AM – 6:00 PM, Free
A few weeks ago, I stopped abruptly on my walk through Central Park to gaze at several men playing beach volleyball. I am not lecherous in my daily life, but call me crazy, there is something so sexy about watching dudes (and ladies) fling themselves at sand in bathing suits. Want to watch three days of sand volleyball? No, of course not, you’re not crazy. But you do want to check out a few games, and it’s free, and I bet nobody will be checking to see if that’s secretly beer in your canteen. Let the summer truly begin.

What spells summer fun? Is it Pitbull and potlucks and Pride? I believe so! Lots of fun events this week, so grab a date and head out!

Fri 3: The Witness Premier

IFC Center, 323 Sixth Avenue at West 3rd St, 12:00 PM, $16
As an urban pigeon of a person, I find cases like that if Kitty Genovese, murdered in front of 38 witnesses, fascinating. What does it mean that nobody called the cops? Am I safe in my bustling neighborhood? This movie delves into the mystery in a way that VICE claims is a “visualized Serial,” which is pretty high praise.

Fri 3: Free Pitbull Concert

Summerstage, Manhattan, 7:00 PM, Free
I once heard a podcast host refer to Pitbull as “Cuba’s greatest shame” and spit out my coffee. Pitbull may come out with such offensive lyrics as Me not working hard? / Yea, right! / Picture that with a Kodak / And, better yet, go to Times Square / Take a picture of me with a Kodak but he will get you dancing, or at least me. Come for the stupid, stay for the shimmies.

Sat 4: Massive Vegan Potluck Picnic 

Grand Army Plaza, Prospect Park, 12:30 PM – 3:30 PM, Free
I went on a date with a Muslim from Pakistan recently who talked about how most of his friends were other South Asian Muslims he would meet and drink various teas with. “Come to think of it,” he mused, “How do non-religious people make friends?” If you don’t have a similar background to fall back on (no judgement) it can be tough to find a group of like-minded people. Come make friends with vegan buddies so you’ll have your answer ready the next time a Muslim asks you this question!

Sat 4: Guided Tour of the Gardens at the Cloisters 

99 Margaret Corbin Dr, 1:00 PM – 2:00 PM, Free with Admission
Two questions: 1. Why haven’t I been to The Cloisters yet? 2. Seriously what is my problem why haven’t I been to The Cloisters?  This Sunday, hop on the train up to The Met’s less-visited sister to check out a guided tour of the gardens of The Cloisters. No reservations needed.

Sun 5: Figment Festival!!! 

Governor’s Island (like the whole thing), 10:00 AM – 6:00 PM, Free
I have special feelings about Figment Festival. That’s the day and event last year my good buddy Tim and I solidified our friendship, spending about 5 hours together taking various ferries, looking at sundry projects, eating many foods. You might just make a new friendship going to Figment, too- it’s that friendly, open, and fun. The whole island transforms into a playground of sights, sounds, and tactile experiences. Trust me- it’s worth the trip.

Sun 5: Arts in Bushwick Community Day

Irving Square Park, Brooklyn, 12:00 PM – 6:00 PM, Free
Everyone knows that Bushwick is THE place to be for art. I know this because I sometimes have to come home from Bushwick at 1:00 in the morning, when the city conspires to force everyone to take taxis because the subways forget how to run. This is all happening during the day, though! Lots of info tables, activities, music, and collaborative arts projects await you for this day of fun.

Mon 6: Drop-in Class at Julliard 

The Julliard School, 60 Lincoln Center Plaza, 10:00 AM – 11:30 AM, $15
When I think of Julliard, I (and you, don’t be ashamed) think of Julia Stiles dancing her GUTS OUT as (sob) she thinks of her dead mom and (sob) she worries for her troubled boyfriend in Save the Last Dance, one of 2001’s most perfect movies. Now you can finally live the cosplay fantasy, as you dance with the talented company of Julliard for the paltry sum of $15. Hey, if you fall down during the class, get back up! The panel of judges will appreciate your verve and your boyfriend won’t go through with that crime. Sorry, I went back back to Save the Last Dance.

Tues 7: Brooklyn Pride Party

The Brooklyn Community Pride Center, 4 Metrotech, 7:00 PM – 9:00 PM, Free
Food! Art! Performance! Fun! Kick off Brooklyn Pride with an evening of celebration. The night ends early, but don’t worry, I bet one or two people will know of some bars in the neighborhood continuing the celebration.

My neighbors have all installed their air conditioning units and the baby birds that lived in my wall have all flown away, which means it’s time for some BADASS SUMMER ACTIVITIES. Check out an outdoor sculpture garden, a movie on a lawn, Prospect Park yoga, and a bike club happy hour. Sun’s out, fun’s in!

Fri 27: Signal Summer Sculpture Garden 

SIGNAL, 260 Johnson Ave, Brooklyn, 7:00 PM – 10:00 PM, Free
According to the event’s promoters, this sculpture garden seeks to engage its audience by limiting its artists to the confines of an engaged outdoor space. “The architecture, trees and ground itself all become props for installation,” so see how many surprises you can find in this limited-engagement garden.

Fri 27: Free Outdoor Movie: Best in Show

Myrtle Lawn, Fr. Green Park, Brooklyn, 7:30 PM, Free
It’s impossible to pick a favorite Christopher Guest movie. Spinal Tap opened the gates with its genre-creating genius and Waiting for Guffman spoke deep to the soul of all those of us who’ve ever done community theater. For years I tried to get my music snob father to enjoy A Mighty Wind‘s gorgeous soundtrack, and I believe he would have had he not known its jokey origins. Best in Show is so quoteable, so hilarious so BUSY BEE that it can’t be kept from the list of contenders. Check it out for free – and bring your dog! – this Friday.

Sat 28: ATTCK Summer BBQ (free!) 

HEATONIST, 121 Wythe Ave, Brooklyn, 12:00 PM – 6:00 PM, Free
Is it summer yet? It feels like summer. Sadly, there is no way to know when summer technically starts, but I do know that last night I slept fully nude with all windows and doors open (sorry, roommate) and several fans pointed directly at me. These signs mean it’s time to barbeque, and the web developers at ATTCK want to make sure you get out there and eat many grilled things. They recommend that you bring something to grill/eat/drink, but it’s optional. HEATONIST’s many, varied and unusual hot sauces will be on standby for your tasting pleasure!

Sat 28: The Cast: Mime Edition

Magnet Theater, 254 W 29th St, 10:30 – 11:30 PM, $10
I have dreams of being a mime. Fantasies. Goals. I recently sent an email to Freakonomics Radio for a project they are doing asking them to pair me with a mime teacher. Why? Because mime, when it is done well, is fricking magical. You use your BODIES to make STORIES. Have you ever been at a performance and been distracted by the sign language interpreter’s performance, your eyes drifting leftward to wonder at the fluid movements, sometimes more expressive than the verbal performers?

I’ve written about The Cast a few times. They’re just a brilliant group of women, and there is no doubt in my mind that they’ll inspire you, make you laugh, and make you want to be a mime, too.

Sun 29: Boogie on the Boulevard 

Center lanes of the Grand Concourse starting at 162nd Street, 12:00 PM – 4:00 PM, Free
Head up to the Bronx this weekend for several streets’ worth of free music, fun, and fitness. This week’s theme is disco and 80’s, so bring your dancing shoes and get ready to shake your booty.

Mon 30:Morbid Anatomy Museum Presents: Come to Me, or Else! 

Morbid Anatomy Museum, 424a 3rd Ave, Brooklyn, 7:00 PM, $8
Santa Muerte is the saint of death (thus the name,) but she mostly appears as a sorceress of love. Perfect for a third date, right? Come learn all about this folk saint at an illustrated lecture at one of New York’s most beloved museums.

Tues 31: Bike Month Happy Hour

Hashtag Bar, 388 Van Duzer St, Staten Island, Free (+ a free beer!)
Two summers ago, my then-boyfriend and I did a day-long bike ride that took us from Astoria, down Manhattan, straight down to the tip of Staten Island. We called it our “bike-and-pizza tour,” because we stopped three times to get slices along our ride (not advised.) This happy hour, organized by bike-lovers who want to see more initiatives passed to make New York more bike-friendly, is the perfect chance for you and a loved one to follow in my ill-advised footsteps. Staten Island is excellent for biking, with wide lanes and not-quite-so-crazy drivers. Check it out!

Thurs 2: Free Outdoor Yoga in Prospect Park

Long Meadow at the north end of Prospect Park, 7:00 PM, Free
Prospect Park is great. There’s a zoo, a bunch of lovely paths, and a 3.35-mile bike loop with a killer hill and a really nice grade down on the other side. There’s also free yoga, led this week by Bend and Bloom Studio. Align your chakras and enjoy the fresh air!

Oh man, there are events happening this week that are going to knock your socks off! From Kaufman Studios opening its unfathomable gates to a poker class to giant mountains of food, this is one week you’ll be happy to spend in NYC!

Fri 20: Going Mental: Stopping Stigma One Story at a Time 

Queens Theater, 14 United Nations Ave, 7:30 PM, $20
May is Nationa Mental Health Awareness Month, and this is one way to open your mind to the estimated 26% of Americans living with mental illnesses. Company members invite the audience to share their stories about mental health, which they then weave into a performance using music, improvisation, and storytelling. I’ll be sure to tell my therapist all about it!

Sat 21: Essex Street Market Block Party

Essex Street Market, 120 Essex St, 12:00 PM – 5:00 PM, Free

Yaaaay Essex Street Market is turning 76! I tried to look up what kind of anniversary gift you get someone at their 76th but those ageist jerks only went up to 75- the diamond anniversary. I guess that means Essex Street Market will have to settle with being showered with your diamonds when you go visit. Enjoy cheap food (most food $5), music and dancing, as well as free tours every half hour. Make sure to tip your tour guide in diamonds.

Sat 21: Take a Texas Hold ‘Em Class 

QED Astoria, 27-16 23rd Ave, 1:30 PM – 3:30 PM, $25
So you have your eye on a trip to Vegas next year (Celine Dion still performs there, right?) and you’d like to do a little gambling. Playing the penny slots is literally the most depressing thing in the universe. How about a little poker? That’s the one with the numbers and the kings and the queens, right? That’s my summary, but it doesn’t have to be yours. Go ahead and book a two-hour class where you’ll learn some strategies you can use to mop the floor with those casino bosses!

Sun 22: Museum of the Moving Image: On Location

Kaufman Astoria Studios backlot (36 Street, between 34 & 35 Ave), 11:00 AM-5:00 PM, Free
Holy crap, you guys! The gate to Kaufman Studios has become like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory to me over the years: always gated, always mysterious, possibly containing the revolting Jonny Depp. Since there’s no way I can tell it better than the professionals at MoMi themselves, I’ll just do a little block quote here.

The public will have the rare opportunity to go inside 20+ working movie trailers and trucks—straight from productions shooting in New York—and speak directly with movie professionals about what they do on set. As in past years, the event will feature stunt performers demonstrating street fighting, high-falls, and stunt-driving; makeup and hair demos; and weather effects like snow and rain. Food will be available from movie catering trucks and treat trucks.

HOLY GUACAMOLE DOES THAT SOUND AMAZING. I’d be willing to suffer a Jonny Depp sighting for all that!

Tues 24: Taste of Sunnyside 

46th St – Bliss St, 5:30 PM – 7:30 PM, $35 (general access)/ $65 (VIP)
I have a shameful thing to admit. Despite living in Astoria, I have never been to Sunnyside. I’ve been to its Westerly neighbor plenty of times, for theater, gigs, and dates. What the hell am I doing with my life? We’re talking about a 13 minute bike ride, guys. Sunnyside looks awesome! I seriously just lost 30 minutes falling down a rabbit hole of links and articles about living in this Queens neighborhood.

For the cost of a meal and drinks, a ticket to this event will give you access to twenty six of Sunnyside’s tastiest restaurants and eight of their best bars. Check it out, and check out Sunnyside, JESSICA.

Weds 25: The Guerrilla Lit Reading Series

Dixon Place, 161A Chrystie St, 7:30 PM, Free
I’m not a huge reader, but I am PUMPED UP for two of the three out of four authors who are appearing as part of this reading series. Lev Grossman wrote one of my favorite series, The Magicians, a Harry-Potter-For-Grownups series that you should stop reading this blog right now to go read. Ryan Britt wrote Lule Skywalker Can’t Read, and while I haven’t read it (yet) I absolutely loved an interview I heard with him on one of the nineteen thousand podcasts I listen to. This leaves final author Sam J. Miller in very good company.

Weds 25: Bryant Park Ball (Rescheduled) 

Bryant Park, 5:30 PM – 8:30 PM, Free
I heard a podcast (99% Invisible?) that talked about how Bryant Park used to be called Needle Park, as it was mostly frequented by drug users, prostitutes, and muggers (who were they mugging?) These days, it’s occupied by mommies and tourists, and this Wednesday it’s going to be occupied by fancy ladies and gents who are going to teach you how to foxtrot until you become a foxwolf. Check it out- it’s free! Dress all fancy-like!

Thurs 26: Troop Beverly Hills in Concert 

The Duplex Cabaret and Piano Bar, 61 Christopher St, $5 (advance)/$10 (door), 2 drink min
You remember Troop Beverly Hills, right? Of course you do. Who could forget those spunky little rich girls proving their chutzpa at the annual jamboree? This loving musical sendup was written by the charming Robin Rothman Taylor, a fixture of the musical comedy/performance scene and is sure to be fabulous, just fabulous!

Oh nooooo… spooktacular Friday the 13th is upon us! Worry not, for this week presents so many fun events that it’ll definitely scare away any bad luck. Go to an kid-party-for-adults birthday extravaganza, check out a bike rave and look at some excellent dogs as we head into mid-May!

Fri 13: Happy Birthday, Stupid Kid!

The Producers Club, 358 W 44th St, 8:00 PM, $12
Remember the excitement that birthdays used to evoke? The thrill of funfetti frosting, the ecstasy of ALL THOSE PRESENTS and knowing that, probably, maybe, a Spice Girls CD was in there somewhere? These days, birthdays are more of a trigger for anxiety than excitement for us, but improv group IRTE wants to bring back the fun. Birthday cake, games, and prizes abound in this improvised birthday party for grownups.

Fri 13: NYCXSKYMALL

Wintercheck Factory, 1241 Bedford Ave, 7:30 PM – 3:00 AM, Free
Solutions for design problems get plenty of attention. That basically describes the function of every TED Talk you’ve ever watched. But what about solutions to design problems that don’t exist? A fanny pack for hands, perhaps, or paper paperweights. How about a votive candle that fits in a used tire? Check out these any many more. Drinks and music to follow. I’ll see you there.

Sat 14: Brooklyn Bike Rave

Newtown Barge Playground, 37 Commercial St, 7:00 PM – 10:00 PM, $38-$54
Two things you should know about me. One is obvious, one is not so obvious. First: I am an avid cyclist. I have the road bike (Warrior Princess Xela- don’t you judge me) and I have the padded shorts. Second: I used to be a raver. I had the UFO pants and the shitty plastic bracelets and the ability to dance until 5:00 AM. While the idea of doing that now sounds like an absolutely barftastic proposition, this bike “rave” sounds awesome. The money goes to supporting Brooklyn Greenway Initiative, which connects bikers and pedestrians to the waterfront. It’s only a seven mile ride (a veeeery slow hour-long trip) so put on your craziest outfit, listen to some party music, and get riding!

Sat 14: The Bowery Cannabis Club Storytelling Session

The Alchemist’s Kitchen, 21 East 1 St, 7:00 PM – 9:00 PM, $5 advance/$10 door
I really wanted to call this event “Weed Stories!” but I decided to be ~professional.~ You know how a lot of the stories you tell a group of people start with “oh God, I was so high…?” Well, I have news for you. Those stories are not so great. I get that you thought your roommate’s bed was your bed, but at the end of the day it was still a bed. These storytellers, however, have real stories of adventure, of mayhem, and of the ups and downs of that sort-of-not-quite-smell-it-everywhere plant we all know and love.

Sun 15: BarkBistro in Hudson River Park 

Pier 26 Dog Run, 10:00 AM, Free
Aaaaah I’m currently having tiny heart attacks because of the picture above.

Do you and your pooch need some pampering? Then head on over to Hudson River Park for toys, treats, caricature artists, and music! It’s all organized by BarkBox, a company which sends miscellaneous treats to dog owners every month. They didn’t sponsor this post, but BarkBox, if you’re reading this, I will happily be your official dog snuggler at this event.

Sun 15: Bronx Little Italy’s Car Show 

Crescent Ave, Bronx, 11:00 AM – 4:00 PM, Free
I am not a car person. As I have written in this post and elsewhere, I am a bicycle person, and sometimes a kayak person. Occasionally I am a ski person. These things, however, are rarely featured in vintage shows, for a very good reason. Vintage cars are way, way cooler. Check out awesome vehicles ranging from across the decades and check out a neighborhood you might not have known existed before this Sunday. AwOOOOga!

So many fun activities this week! Dance it up with Gregorio Uribe’s Big Band, come see some free improv, buy some local artisanal stuff, and stuff yourself with vegetarian food!

Fri 6: Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with Gregorio Uribe Big Band

Ginny’s Supper Club, 310 Lenox Ave, 7:00 PM, $20
Okay. First, Cinco in Spanish means five, so that means that this is a continuation of that much-beloved booze festival, not something on the day proper. Second, this is a holiday meant to celebrate Mexican heritage and this is a Colombian band leader. Hey! Can we stop at poking details in this fun event and have some frickin’ fun over here?! Enjoy the bright atmosphere of this this Harlem establishment along with tasty food and excellent music.

Fri 6: Come See Some Class Shows

Magnet Training Center, 10th Floor, 22 W 32nd St, 9:00
Jessica, is this a shameless plug for a show you are doing yourself? Did you use, as a method to advertise this Level 3 improv show, a fairly random photograph of you and your improv crush taken by world-famous photographer John de Guzman?

Yes, and yes. I rarely plug shows I do in here, but it’s a plain fact that class shows at the Magnet are free and extremely fun. Not only that, they’re directly across the street from Pocha 32, which has the best soondooboo jjigae in the whole damn city. Get some dinner, drink a beer, and come see a free show. There’s another show directly after mine at 10:00, which means it’s two hours of the free-est entertainment NYC has to offer.

And I really love that picture.

Sat 7: The Good Goods Market 

Interface, 140 W.30th St. Manhattan, 11:00 AM – 6:00 PM, Free
You can think of the Good Goods market as a sort of live Etsy. This is a market that celebrates the independant designer and the artisinal crafter. The market features more than 40 designers in jewelry, accessories, textile arts and home goods, so save yourself some shipping costs on that cool lamp you’ve been thinking about, or that cool leather backpack, or that hand-woven rug.

Sat 7: Freize Art Fair

Randall’s Island Park, 11:00 AM – 7:00 PM, $45
Fun fact: I almost went to the Freize Art Fair for free(z) last year. A dude I was casually dating had some free tickets, and so he (casually) texted me. He met me on our bikes, and then his popped a flat and we spent the rest of the afternoon getting it fixed. This is some kind of metaphor for how I have never mastered the “getting stuff out of dating” mode of living, but it also makes me more interested in going this year. Freize is one of the best collections of art, food, and gallery talks that happens in New York, and it’s definitely worth the cost if only to spend some time on beautiful Randall’s Island. Just don’t try to bike it.

Sun 8: 2016 NYC Vegetarian Food Festival 

Metropolitan Pavilion, 125 W 18 ST, $35
Hooray for vegetarianism! I am not one of these, but I loooove vegetables and I love that there are people maknig those vegetables so delectable that these days I very rarely reach for a dead animal to satisfy my chomping needs. This festival features two floors of activities, from tastings to cookbook signings to wellness activities to a kids’ area to arts and crafts to demonstrations. Whether you’re a vegan, a vegetarian, a something-tarian, or you just enjoy vegetables, here’s an event for you.

Sun 8: Poetry at Berl’s Brooklyn Poetry Shop

126A Front St, 4:00 PM – 6:00 PM, Free
Last week had a day of events celebrating Brooklyn’s independent book shops, but that doesn’t mean we’re done supporting them. Check out some readings by five of New York’s most celebrated poets, and enjoy supporting this charming local shop.

Mon 9: The Dark Comedy “A Life Behind Bars”

The Gutter, 200 N 14th St, Brooklyn, 7:00 PM, $20
We’ve all got that friend who’s got a thousand-mile stare that has come from decades in food service. Heck, I only waitressed for at an Indian restaurant for one summer and I saw a 6-year old get stabbed because the owners would hire drifters who hung out around the dumpsters behind the restaurant. For real. Writer/performer Dan Ruth has a lot more experience behind the counter than that, and he’s seen a lot more. Check it out, and then head over to the bar and think about the guy slingin’ brews.

Weds 11: But I’m a Cheerleader! and Dance Party

House of Yes!, 2 Wyckoff Ave, 8:00 PM, $7
Remember this movie? Oh my glob. I remember watching this as a 15 year-old Catholic schoolgirl who still kinda thought gay stuff was ~taboo~ and just LOVING that people could talk about this stuff… out loud?! In a MOVIE?! Wow, times have changed. (In the United States. For lucky people.) Enjoy the nostalgia of an era when conversion camps for children were legal- wait, they’re still legal? Daaaaaamn. That was not a happy Google search. But this WILL be a happy event! Watch a funny movie and daaaance iiiit uuuuup!