The first month of quarantine, we hoarded beans.

The second month, we baked bread.

The third month, we put ourselves on a waiting list for a hypoallergenic (Siberian) kitten.

Meet Bella, our Covid-19 quarantine therapy pet.

Other names for Bella: Bells, Belly, Belle Belle, Baby Bell, Michelle Ma Belle, Belly Boo, Bell Biv Devoe and Bellissima. This kid likes to call her “Person” because, irony I guess? Let’s go with it.

They’ve totally bonded. Sometimes Bella sits by her feet while she does Zoom school or homework and it’s the sweetest.

As for our almost 6-year-old…she’s working on her cat skills.

Hang in there, baby!

When it gets to be too much, Bella knows where to hide.

Totally camouflaged!

We’re still all getting to know each other. Sometimes she’s extremely chatty.

Other times, it’s still life with Bella.

I’m not sure how we ever survived without her.

It was May 27, 2010 when the eagerly anticipated “Sex and The City” movie sequel premiered to savage reviews.

Roger Ebert described the film as “pretty thin gruel,” while New York Magazine called it a “mildly-to-completely terrible movie.” The cultural insensitivity of the Middle East-set portions of the film did not help matters, with The New York Times noting, “the ugly smell of unexamined privilege hangs over this film like the smoke from cheap incense.”

“Sex and the City 2” still made buckets of money at the worldwide box office, but the sheer amount of hate — and a Rotten Tomatoes critics score of 16% — doomed it to Razzie Award status.

So why would I give “Sex and the City 2” another chance? Because it’s been 10 years since we’ve had new SATC content, and I miss my girls. Though the 94 regular series episodes and a thoroughly satisfying first movie should be enough to scratch my “Sex and the City” itch, I wanted to revisit the second, reviled film and see if there weren’t any redeeming features.

I had to ignore the puns so broad my third grader could have written them — like “Abu Dhabi doo!” and, God help us, “Lawrence of my labia!” — and cling to a few juicy scenes offering real feeling or insight. (I did not include Liza Minnelli’s high camp performance of “Single Ladies”, though I was tempted.)

So here they are, the 5 most compelling parts of “Sex and the City 2.”

Please keep reading at Medium!

My dearest family, you have it easy this year. Due to the coronavirus quarantine, Mom will not be dragging you to an arboretum, high tea or fancy brunch for Mother’s Day. I will not be forcing you to wear cute matching outfits and take photos for my Instagram. I don’t need flowers or gifts.

But you’re not entirely off the hook.

There are a few things I want dearly, and I have faith that you can make them happen for me. So, darlings, here’s what Mommy truly desires on her special day, quarantine edition:

1. No cooking. I don’t care if we eat Goldfish crackers on the floor as long as I do not have to go into the kitchen. Let’s just seal off the entrance with caution tape to be safe.

2. I do not want to tidy, straighten, sweep, vacuum, wash or scrub anything. There should be no reason for me to bend over, period.

3. To wear noise-canceling headphones the entire day, including when I’m in the bathtub, like a DIY sensory deprivation tank. Children, on this one magical day, you should be seen but not heard. And also maybe not seen, except in pictures when I’m scrolling my phone and thinking about how cute you are.

4. For my husband to be 100% in charge of breaking up fights, finding lost toys and marker caps, providing snacks (and second dinners), getting juice out of the carpet and wiping tushies. Good luck!

5. To watch an R-rated movie with all the F-bombs. I love you Disney+, but I need to see other channels.

Continue reading at Mommy Nearest…

Want more lighthearted Coronavirus entertainment? Follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram! XOXO Amy

Evite just contacted everyone in my daughter’s preschool class to remind them about her 5th birthday party. Oops. Looks like amid all the homeschooling, short order cooking, Zoom meetings and toilet paper hoarding, I forgot to cancel the event.

Not only had we already put down the deposit on a venue, ordered a cake and secured the RSVPs, but we had amassed the party favor bags, including 27 stuffed raccoons (long story). With this socially un-distant affair impossible during COVID-19 and a birthday still to celebrate, I had to pivot quickly.

Celebrating my daughter’s 5th birthday at home with none of her closest friends wasn’t what I had in mind, but I was determined to make the best of it. I didn’t want her looking back on turning 5 with anything but joy.  Here’s how we handled it:

Keep reading at Momtastic!

I’m not trying to sugar coat it—this quarantine situation mostly sucks. My housebound kids are needy, whiny and constantly fighting. Between cooking three meals a day plus snacks and cleaning up, I barely leave the kitchen (unless I’m doing laundry—woo hoo!). Meanwhile, my suddenly work-at-home husband tries his best to tune out our chaos, which is totally reasonable yet also infuriating.

But…

I know I’m not the only mom who has thought to herself, “at least we’re together.” It’s special to have this time as a family. (Well, it’s not 24/7 special, but it has its moments.) Here are 21 things I’m secretly enjoying while I complain about the quarantine:

1. Never wearing makeup, a bra, or, if I’m being totally honest, deodorant. My skin is getting an amazing vacation and so is my razor.

2. Being able to say “yes” to creative projects that are messy and take hours because really, what else have we got to do?

3. Curing my FOMO. Nobody is going to the hot new restaurant/concert/resort, and everybody’s Instagram looks basically like mine.

4. Forcing the kids to watch my fave ’80s movies, like The Karate Kid, Big and The Princess Bride.

5. Feeling zero guilt over screen time. I mean, the teachers are making us do it.

6. Learning new skills, including trimming my daughter’s bangs and baking actual bread. (It tasted like bread!)

7. Finally being able to show my husband what my days with the kids are really like. I think he’s impressed with the sheer number of “Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!” yelps in an afternoon. (Never “Dad,” even though he’s home.)

8. Reconnecting with family and friends. It feels more important than ever, and technology has made it easier than ever.

9. Speaking of technology, the quarantine has de-aged this Gen X’er into a veritable millennial, what with my Zooms, Marco Polos and Houseparties. I’m so fire. Dope? Just humor me.

10. Taking it slow. I’m not missing that heart-pounding panic of being late for school, caught in traffic during carpool and all the other over-scheduled moments of our normal lives. The rat race is now a turtle crawl and I like it.

11. Relying more on ourselves. If it’s broke, we have to fix it. If we’re hungry, we have to make it. It’s like Little House on the Prairie times, but with Netflix.

12. The snuggles. I mean, I don’t want my kids to feel anxious, but if they need to work through their feelings while curled up on my lap, I’m not going to stop them.

13. Kondo’ing our closets. Paring down and decluttering is super satisfying. And if we ever get out of the house, we’ll know exactly what to wear.

14. Rediscovering simple pleasures like jigsaw puzzles, card games, scratch pancakes, finger knitting, bubble baths, long walks and sunsets—basically anything you’d falsely claim to be your hobbies in a dating profile.

15. All the freebies, from Harry Potter books and educational apps to online classes from KidPass.

16. Moms coming together in force to support each other with virtual book clubs, happy hours and just general venting sessions. We are a community, and we are all in this together.

17. Some of the funniest memes ever.

18. Appreciating nature for the gift of fresh air and sunshine, as corny as that sounds. I’ve noticed us literally stopping to smell the roses, wish on the dandelions and spy on the ladybugs.

19. Knowing that even though it’s hard, we’re still making memories.

20. Living in the moment. This might be the first time in my life I’m not obsessively planning the future, making to-do lists, booking reservations and otherwise living in next week when today is where it’s at.

21. Family dinner with all four of us every night. Lunch too. Sometimes even breakfast. This time together is truly a blessing, and it’s the thing I’ll miss most when life goes back to normal.

Want more lighthearted Coronavirus entertainment? Follow me on Twitter and Instagram! XOXO Amy

This post first appeared on Mommy Nearest.

I don’t recall my mother losing her temper much when I was growing up. I do remember her looking skyward and sighing, “When you’re a mother, you’ll understand.”

Now that I have two little handfuls of my own who push me past my breaking point on a regular basis, I more than understand. And, I am humbled because truly, I had no idea.

I had no idea what tired was. I thought I understood about sleep deprivation because I’d pulled a few all-nighters in college. (Feel free to LOL at that one.) I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to wake up all night every night for months — years even — and never catch up.

I had no idea how much it hurts to love that hard. Whether I’m putting my hand on my daughter’s chest to make sure she’s still breathing or sleeping with the phone under my pillow while she’s at a sleepover, I never stop worrying, and I know I never will.

I had no idea how challenging it is to get dinner on the table every night when nobody ever likes what I make and half of it winds up in the trash…

Keep reading on Medium.

Would you like to take a tour? Come on in, have a glass of wine. Just for God’s sake take your shoes off!  Jk, jk. So, remember how we used to have a hole instead of an oven?

Now there’s a fancy range with six working burners! More than I deserve! And the built-in microwave was swapped out for a ventilation hood, which is much prettier, and doesn’t scream “I microwave on the daily” (even though I do).

Before the remodel, we had this bizarre split sink that not only didn’t fit our large pots but also caused copious water spillage, mostly down my front.

But now, voila! One big sink, with the counter angled to meet the body of the person cleaning up (not it, not it!). It’s so much easier to use and also really good at hiding dirty dishes.

In the old kitchen, my out-of-control cookbook collection sat right on the counter, meaning I spilled liquids under the books constantly, gluing half the pages together (this is likely how Rachel wound up making meat trifle for Ross and Joey).

In the new kitchen, tada! Floating shelves just for me and my fetish.

And the Franke sink came with a cutting board that fits onto it, so i can just chop and sweep. It’s brilliant. Did you all know things like this existed? I had no idea.

But wait, there’s more! We replaced the serviceable but very 90s brown speckled counters with this Quartz prettiness that Dave selected. Props to my husband, he has an eye. (It’s Vadara Bianco Molassa, for those who like to know these things.)

I love how it ties in with the new floor.

We used to trip over our trash can, which half blocked the patio door. Now we have one of those stealthy drawers. Recycling too!

Another cool small-kitchen solution–a pull-out pantry! I love this thing!

I did lose a bit of counter/cabinet space in exchange, but a person needs a place to put her enormous collection of carbs.

Luckily, we gained extra cabinet space in the form of this hutch slash perfect party cocktail area:

And the lower cabinets come with cute and practical sliders so every item has its own place and doesn’t come crashing down on my toes when I pull out a pan.

If you recall, we couldn’t increase the window size as much as I’d wanted to, but the 5″ gained still feels bigger and brighter to us:

And lastly, check these hilariously tiny drawers to the right of the fridge. I’ve got tea bags in there right now (they’re too short for spice jars) but would love to hear what you would do with them. I’m pretty sure they’re just filling a hole but they make me giggle.

Truly, the only thing wrong with this kitchen now is that the people in my house expect me to USE IT. It’s like 85 degrees outside and I’m supposed to turn on the oven? Which is how I wound up making these room temp items from What’s Gaby Cooking, my favorite source for summer eats. (Not an ad, just an obsession).

So what do you think of the new kitchen?

READ DIARY OF A KITCHEN RENOVATION PART 1

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Here’s something new to show off: it’s a slab of reclaimed wood where our window used to be. So rustic. It’s like bringing the forest inside.

And I know all you art lovers will appreciate the broken pedestal sink in the middle of our living room. Very Marcel Duchamp, mais non?  I must confess, I would not have come up with this unique design touch myself (many thanks to our construction team), but it just kind of “works,” don’t you think?

Oh, and we’ve decided to go with just “half cabinets.”  I know, it’s a little edgy, but I’ve been studying Architectural Digest and it’s all the rage among Hollywood celebrities right now.

I’ve saved the best for last. It’s our new super minimalist powder room. Just a little hand sanitizer and a bucket is all we need to complete the look. Sure, we now have to run three flights of stairs to wash a bowl of blueberries, but that is just good cardio and good sense.

Truly, Dave and I got ourselves all worried for nothing, because in nine short weeks, we got ALL OF THIS.

(Send prayers, and vodka.)

XOXO

READ DIARY OF A KITCHEN RENOVATION PART 1

READ DIARY OF A KITCHEN RENOVATION PART 2

READ DIARY OF A KITCHEN RENOVATION PART 3

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Keep reading at Mommy Nearest, thanks!

Our kids – now 4 and 8 – are finally at an age where they can really entertain each other, playing kid games in kid language. I have heard this time in parenting referred to as “the sweet spot” and I don’t want to jinx it, but it was pretty darn delicious.

I slid a deck chair near the pool and was able to actually read a book (Normal People by Sally Rooney–so good!) though I did so in half-page increments, in between checking to make sure no one was drowning.

The big one is a good swimmer. The little one compensates.

We had such a relaxing long weekend that I almost forgot we still have no kitchen. But we do have a floor. Wanna see?

I’m told the new hotness in kitchen design is white tiles with dark grout or dark tiles with white grout. I was a little nervous about making such a bold move, but I like the way the grout makes the hexagons pop. The rest of the kitchen design will be pretty simple and classic, so the floor is kind of the show pony. Plus it makes me want to DANCE. Should I be shopping for a disco ball?

Progress! Tune in next time for cabinets.

XOXO

READ DIARY OF A KITCHEN RENOVATION PART 1

READ DIARY OF A KITCHEN RENOVATION PART 2

READ DIARY OF A KITCHEN RENOVATION PART 3

READ DIARY OF A KITCHEN RENOVATION PART 4

READ DIARY OF A KITCHEN RENOVATION PART 6