From yesterday to today, nothing has physically changed. No decision has been made. Things are pretty much as they were 24-48h ago. Except now I have an immense feeling of dread and despair. I’m unconsciously humming coldplay. I’m thinking black thoughts. This is completely irrational behaviour and I know this. It’s not a normal response. It’s probably triggered by similar past events, but it doesn’t make it less real or easier to deal with.
I sure picked a fucking great time to quit smoking.
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Without actually saying those words.
Actually, the cat and the dog have a beautiful (if odd) relationship.
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Real Name: Bavalanche
Breed: Bulldog
Nickname(s): The Drool Doom
Height: Low to the ground, impossible to move
Weight: Classified (but the floor knows)
Speed: Slow start… unstoppable finish
Strength: Shockingly high for a creature that snores
Endurance: Infinite naps, short bursts of chaos
Forged in the couch cushions of Switzerland and fueled by raw, unfiltered farts, Bavalanche brings a wet, rumbling menace to the arena. What starts as a gentle drip quickly becomes a full-scale slobber disaster. Once he commits, there is no traction, no escape, only drool.
Signature moves:
THE DROOL SLIDE – Sudden head shake creates a hazard zone no human can stand in
THE BAVE BLAST – Direct eye contact followed by an unstoppable slobber launch
THE NAP FAKE-OUT – Appears asleep… explodes into action
THE WRINKLE LOCK – Confuses opponents with sheer facial complexity
Arena speciality:
The Eliminator – Turns the floor into a slip-and-fall nightmare
Powerball – Guards the ball by simply sitting on it
Joust – Unmoved. Unbothered. Slightly damp.
Catchphrase
“No traction, no mercy!”
Theme song
“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…
MAKE SOME NOISE FOR… BAAAAAA—VAAAAA—LAAAAAANCHE!!!”
“HIDE YOUR SHOES… PROTECT YOUR SNACKS…
THE DROOL DOOM HAS ENTERED THE ARENA!”
*Bavalanche snorts, shakes head, drool flies in slow motion. Camera zooms. Crowd loses it.*
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By hamster reckoning, Sophie was antediluvian. Hamsters have an average lifespan of less than 2 years. Sophie was a few months shy of her 3rd birthday. We got her around easter and she saw 3 Christmases. She lived off of benevolent neglect, aided by her emotional support cat. In the end, she was slowing down but we tried to let her life her best life.
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It actually went better than expected, and he settled down much more quickly than we thought he would. At the end of the day, he was snoring out loud under our desk.
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