The problem with tying rewards to chores is that it gives kids the option to weigh whether the reward is worth the effort. But here’s the thing: chores aren’t optional.
Getting Children to Do Chores: 2 Mistakes Parents Make
I’m about to say something that might ruffle a few feathers, but here it is: paying your kids for chores and using age-specific chore charts don’t work. I know, these are popular methods that many parents swear by, but hear me out: these approaches can actually make life harder for you and your kids. If you’ve tried them but still end up fighting to get your children to do chores, you’re not alone.
Let’s dive into why these methods fall short and what you can do instead to make chores less of a battle and more of a breeze.
Mistake #1: Paying for Chores
First up: paying your kids to do chores. I’ve been there—trying to motivate my kids with “mom-quarters” that they could earn and spend at the mom-market. I even created a whole system where they could shop for little prizes. Sounds fun, right? Well, it worked… for about a week. Then I started finding those paper quarters crumpled up under the couch, and my once-excited kids were over it.
Next, I tried using screen time as a reward. But guess what? Some of my kids decided they didn’t really care about watching a show, so they’d skip the screen time—and the chores. The novelty wore off quickly, and the tasks still needed to be done! The problem with tying rewards to chores is that it gives kids the option to weigh whether the reward is worth the effort. But here’s the thing: chores aren’t optional.
Mistake #2: Relying on Age-Specific Chore Charts
Next, let’s chat about those age-specific chore charts. I can’t tell you how many of those I’ve tried! They look great on paper but often miss the mark in real life. Kids develop at different rates, and a chart might not always align with what your family needs. Instead of sticking to someone else’s chart, try focusing on tasks that matter to you and fit your child’s abilities. Your little ones might surprise you with what they can handle if you give them a chance!
What Actually Works to Get Kids to Do Chores?
Building a Culture of Teamwork
Forget the rewards and rigid charts—aim for a family culture of teamwork.
When everyone feels like a valuable part of the team, and homecare is a natural part of your life, there’s much less resistance when it’s time to clean the kitchen or sweep the floors. I won’t lie and say that attitudes are always sunshine and roses about it, but everyone know that they job must be done and so everyone learns to contribute, with minimal grumbling (yes, even teenagers can learn this!).
This starts with a change in your mindset. When you see chores as an opportunity to teach and connect with your kids, it shifts the dynamic. Next, work on changing your kids’ attitudes toward home care. Show them that taking care of the home is a shared responsibility, and not something to be avoided or traded for rewards. And then take the time to properly teach them the skills to do the work.
Want to know how to make this shift without all the drama? Join me for my masterclass, “How to Get Children to Do Chores Without Fighting, Nagging, or Bribes.” I share practical tips and tricks to help you turn chore time into a smoother, more cooperative experience.
Sign up today and say goodbye to chore-time battles. Let’s make running the household a bit easier and a lot more enjoyable!
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]]>Relaxed Homeschool Schedule – WAHM Mom of 6
What was I thinking? Having half a dozen kids and homeschooling them wasn’t enough, so I added a couple of businesses too. Sure, there are times when I feel like there’s a bit of crazy in me to choose this life (and maybe there is), but most days, things go smoothly. It really helps to have a consistent but relaxed daily rhythm that allows me to work and homeschool all of my amazing little monkeys.
I’ve adjusted our family’s routine over the years as we enter different seasons with newborns, farm work, chronic pain/illness, and even the amount of time I need to dedicate to my work, but the basics really don’t change that much. A couple of my priorities are teamwork with homecare, family meals, and lots of beneficial sleep for Mama.
Here’s what’s working for us in this season (my kids are currently B16, B13, B10, B7, G4, B1):
Wakeup!
I wake up between 7:30 and 8 am, make coffee, write some scripture verses, my praise and prayer, and plan my day. My husband and 16yo are usually outside doing chores by the time the baby and I get up, and my 10yo is listening to an audiobook on the couch. The 7yo and 4yo wake and either play or listen to the audio book when they get up, almost always by 7:30am. The 13yo usually needs a bit more encouragement to get out of bed. He heads out to take his dog for a walk (she’s a farm dog so she lives in the barn or in our backyard) and feed the chickens.
Morning Routine:
Our morning routine, the “high 5” starts at 8:30am (my cell phone alarm reminds us). This routine has been a staple in our family for over a decade, and it is nearly muscle memory for most of my children.
High 5s really don’t take that long and I’d love to do Morning Time with the kids—scripture memory verses, singing a hymn, and longer memory-work pieces—but often I get distracted by singing. Or, on nice days, the kids skip outside to play as soon as High 5s are done.
Mom’s Work Time:
By 10 am, I’m working in the office while the older kids do housework and the younger ones play. Some days they interrupt more than others. On days when I really need the focused work time, I might lock the door and assign one of the teens to keep his siblings busy and away from the door so I can focus. Some days I get really lucky and Adam is able to be inside by 10 am to hold the baby (who ADORES his daddy!), but it’s so dependent on the farm work and whether we’re in a busy season or whether something has broken down.
Often the teens and I pass the baby back and forth trying to keep him content. In a pinch, he hangs out in the playpen in my office. Sometimes I come out of the office to find that one of his older brothers has walked him to sleep and is snuggling the baby on the couch while reading a book. (Those are some of the sweetest moments for this mama-heart!)
A huge part of balance is recognizing that life is just constantly pushing forward small sections at a time, rather than doing everything perfectly all the time.
Afternoon Activities:
Adam is nearly always in by noon and enjoys making lunch for us. After eating together, I sip a coffee, nurse the baby, and chat with Adam (about the farm, silly things the kids have done, or errands that need to be done) before he returns to work around 1 or 2 pm.
At 2 pm, I set aside work and to-do lists to help the kids with their learning card activities. It’s busy, with 1-2 kids on my lap and constant requests for help. The baby, now toddling, adds to the hustle.
Snack time is at 3 pm. We used to watch a documentary, but that got tough with different age-appropriate content, so we stopped. Now they snack and chat until the older kids start farm chores around 3:30 pm.
When the 16, 13, and 10-year-olds are out, I take a break. Sometimes I read emails or news, or pick up a paperback from my end table. And I HOPE the little ones play politely.
When the 13 and 10-year-olds return, they finish any leftover chores or learning cards. Then, it’s tidy-up time for everyone. (The 16yo usually doesn’t get back in until 5pm so he often doesn’t participate in tidy-time anymore. You won’t hear him complain about that.) We go through their sticker charts and learning cards to make sure they have actually done what they need to do and everyone tries to catch up so they don’t eat away at one of their favorite times of day.
At 5 pm, it’s screen time, which keeps the kids busy while I start dinner, often with a toddler on my hip since he isn’t into screens. He loves plastic containers though so sometimes I can distract him with those or by pulling out a bucket of canning rings. It’s the simple things, right?
Adam (almost always) comes home by 6pm, and we have dinner as a family. Afterward, he and some kids clean the kitchen. The 13-year-old tends to his dog, chases chickens, and collects eggs. Sometimes I join him, help in the kitchen, or attend to the little ones. There is usually loud music and some killer dance moves or air guitar by the younger kids.
Evening Routine:
Adam takes the 4 and 7-year-olds downstairs to start bedtime at about 7:15 pm. The older kids and I hang out or read before the 13 and 10-year-olds head to bed at 8 pm. They each get to read a bit more in bed, but have lights out at 8:30pm.
Adam, the 16-year-old, and I might watch a show, play a game, or they play video games while I write. A couple evenings a week I have a work block in my office, or I go to choir or some other music reharsal.
The baby nurses down between 8 or 9 pm and, at 10 pm, we all head to bed. I like to wind down with a non-fiction book on my Kindle, but I’m almost always asleep by 10:30pm, 11pm at the latest.
Maintaining Balance As a Mom:
Sometimes the day goes off the rails. That’s just the reality with farming, mothering, and life in general. My “secret weapon” (that’s really not so secret) is that I’ve found if we can just get our High 5 Morning Routine completed at some point during the day, it keeps the chaos at bay by knocking out laundry and dishes first thing.
A huge part of balance is recognizing that life is just constantly pushing forward small sections at a time, rather than doing everything perfectly all the time.
How to Design A Daily Routine That Works for Your Family:
It’s a simple truth: having a plan leads to peace and joy.
Creating a family routine that works for your family doesn’t need to be complicated:
- Document Your Current Routine:
- Take some time to write down your current daily activities.
- Be detailed and include everything from morning rituals to bedtime routines.
- Evaluate What Works:
- Look at your list and identify the parts of your routine that are effective.
- Highlight these activities as they are the strong points of your day.
- Spot Areas for Improvement:
- Notice which parts of your routine aren’t working well.
- Mark these areas for potential changes.
- Maintain Effective Practices:
- Keep the aspects of your routine that are functioning well.
- Ensure these successful elements stay consistent as you make adjustments elsewhere.
- Make Gradual Adjustments:
- Start tweaking the less effective parts of your routine slowly.
- Implement small changes rather than overhauling everything at once.
- Review and Adapt:
- Regularly review the changes to see how they’re working.
- Be flexible and ready to make further adjustments as needed.
Follow these steps to create a routine that works well and fits your family’s unique needs.
I recommend grabbing my free High 5 morning routine printable to kick things off. It’s not about instantly perfecting your schedule, but about small changes that make life more organized and joyful. A smooth morning routine is a great step towards simplifying your day.
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]]>3 Steps to get more done as a mom (without having to hustle)
I don’t have time to do all the things. And yet, the things need to be done!
In a world that often feels like it’s spinning at breakneck speed, we’re presented with two stark choices: hustle to get everything done or resign ourselves to getting nothing done. But what if life isn’t an all-or-nothing game? What if there’s a happy medium that allows you to slow down enough to connect with your family, accomplish all you need without burning out, and even have leftover energy and mental capacity to pursue your dreams within and even beyond your role as a mother?
The Beauty of Balance: Finding Your Purposeful Path
Slow living doesn’t equate to a halt in productivity; rather, it’s about being selective with where you channel your energy. It’s about finding harmony in the pace of life, ensuring that every task, every moment spent, is infused with purpose. This philosophy becomes even more profound when applied to motherhood.
My Journey Through the Lens of Purposeful Living
I’m a homeschooling mom of six (ages 16 down to 1), a dairy farmer (though in this season I mostly focus on the office side of things rather than driving tractors and feeding calves), a life coach and online business owner, plus I’m heavily involved in our community choir. I also dabble in gardening and homesteading.
It’s fair to say that my life is full.
We serve best when we are serving from a place of wholeness and abundance. So it our duty to live our lives in such as way that fills us.
Yet, I rarely feel busy. I actually feel…. lazy some days! I am able to sit here at my computer to type this out, listening to my kids playing happily with each other. My housework is relatively caught up so, if someone drops by unexpectedly, I can let them in without feeling ashamed of the mess. I have time later today to connect with my kids through read alouds, homeschooling workbooks, and cooking together. I spend my morning leisurely sipping my coffee while reading and writing scripture and planning my day.
I’m strictly a no-hustle, yet still get it done kind of woman.
I truly believe this is because the things I do commit to resonate with my personality, my gifts, and my strengths, which makes it energizing rather than exhausting. I’m not naturally high-energy (in fact, for many many years I struggled with depression and chronic fatigue), but by operating from a place of life-filling rather than life-depleting activates, I can operate from a place of abundance.
The Power of What Really Matters
As mothers, our hearts are so intertwined with our children, that they become a huge part of our purpose. I believe that God designed it this way. We are SUPPOSED to want to give our all to our children. Yet, we are still whole people with our own needs as well. If we neglect who God designed us to be, we are only ever able to give our family fragments of what they need.
This doesn’t mean we dive into the culture of neglecting our children for the purpose of “self care,” or even worse “self fulfilment.” Nope, as a Christian, we are called to serve. However, we serve best when we are serving from a place of wholeness and abundance. So it our duty to live our lives in such as way that fills us.
Three Steps to a More Purposeful Life
- Evaluate: What are your strengths? Spiritual gifts? Passions? spend some time in prayer and/or journaling about how God made you unique.
- Discern: Take stock of your activities. Which ones rejuvenate you? Which ones leave you feeling drained? Do they reflect who you want to be and the lifestyle you wish to create for your family?
- Plan: Design an ideal week framework. Organize your time in a way that reflects your values and nurtures your family’s well-being. Make sure you’re planning time for marriage, children, homemaking, friendships, personally filling interests, and SLEEP!! In fact, schedule your sleep time in BEFORE putting in anything else!
Envisioning a Life of Peaceful Productivity
Imagine a life where every day is calm and efficient. You handle tasks with grace and purpose, not pushed by the rush to do more or held back by exhaustion. You respond to your children with gentleness rather than frustration.
What if you could go to bed at night smiling, eager for what tomorrow brings?
If you’re ready to take the first set toward slow living and purposeful motherhood, be sure to get my free High 5 Morning Routine printable for families.
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]]>The post Why More Kids Is Easier appeared first on Aimed at the Heart.
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I didnt believe them. I figured the more kids you have, the more work you have. More laundry, meals, emotional needs, etc. That makes logical sense right?
Umm nope!
One child is the biggest adjustment from a life built around yourself to one that now revolves around this little person who is 100% reliant on you. Baby number 2 often comes at a time when you’re still fumbling to find your footing as a mom. If you have a bit more time between kids then 3 can mean the older 2 play while you tend to baby so some find it easier. If you have 3 really little ones then it can feel like you’re pulled in too many directions.
But I think by the time the 4th child rolls along, most moms seem to find their mom groove. You start recognizing things that you thought were problems to solve are not actually problems and just the next phase of baby or toddlerhood. It takes a lot of pressure off of you when you realize that almost everything is normal. And after several babies, you recognize that, while personalities may vary, almost everything is normal and just a phase that will pass.
Mothering is a lot easier when we aren’t as hard on ourselves. When we recognize that our baby isn’t crying because we are doing something wrong, they are crying because babies cry sometimes. When we accept that babies will walk and talk eventually so you don’t need to track everything or be concerned that your baby isnt keeping up to your friends’ baby. When you stop fussing about the fact that your baby spit up in her shirt (or yours) and just roll with it.
Also, the nature of larger families is that kids need to become more independent and helpful. For me, this means that my kids all help out with housework, which takes a huge load off of me. They also help with childcare. For example, this morning my nine-year-old took the baby outside so I could sort laundry and get the washing machine running. Much easier to do that when I don’t have a baby at my ankles! My eldest also loves to sit the baby in her high chair and have breakfast with her which gives me time to drink my morning coffee and do devotions.
We have such a family-team atmosphere in our home and I think it really binds us together. Me with the kids but also between siblings. The olders recognize that the youngers have more intense physical needs but they also know that mom will sit to nurse the baby, or hold her while she naps, and then I can have a good conversation with her about minecraft or tanks or which caliber of gun is best for hunting which animal.
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]]>How to Do Personal Devotions With a Baby and Toddler
Every mom dreams of uninterrupted morning coffees, and peaceful time spent journalling or praying or being in the Word. Any mom with littles knows that this is not something easy to come by. In this phase of my life, my mornings are often spent with children in my hands rather than my Bible. I needed to find a more creative way for how to do personal devotions with a baby and toddler.
I didn’t even know where to start, as personal devotions was not something I was taught growing up. I knew I wanted to include Bible reading, prayer, and journalling. That felt like a lot to bite off in one chunk so I went back to baby steps and found a simple goal: read the Bible.
Did you know that if you read to 15 minutes of the Bible a day you can get through the whole Bible in a year? I learned that from an excellent book I read a while back. (Seriously one of the best books I’ve read on living a Christian life and that I referance often but I lent my copy out years ago and I miss it terribly and should really buy another copy!) If you are anything like me, that sounds way less intimidating than looking at that big fat Bible thinking, “I know I should read it but when can I find the time?”
So the first step to personal devotions was set: Read the Bible for 15 minutes each day
It was so easy and I felt great and mostly rocked it!
But then…
Quote Sample
The last few days I have been suffering from a terrible headache. I believe it was a side effect of mastitis and it even got to the point that, out of desperation, I took two extra strength acetaminophen, which I haven’t needed to take in… years and years. (In retrospect, I could have tried the peppermint essential oil that I have sitting in my cupboard). It helped take the edge off but the pain was still there. It hindered my ability to keep up with housework, play with the kids, and was made significantly worse when I read and write.
The thing about being a mom is that I don’t get any sick days. So now I am behind on my housework and haven’t spent as much time outside with the boys as normal.
I am also behind on my Bible reading.
I might as well be perfectly honest and tell you I was about two weeks behind anyway. I had recently given another pep talk to myself and seriously been trying to catch up though. I didn’t want to get even further behind!
My normal reading time had been in the rocking chair while nursing the baby down for his nap. (I use the term “nap” very loosely here because sleep is very challenging with him.) I held him a little longer than I needed too so I could read two days at a time. He had just started to get into the rhythm of napping at a semi-regular time but even the kids were thrown off by Mama’s sickness.
Once I got out of the rhythm of reading regularly I knew it would be tough to start up again
After a couple of days I reminded myself that the Bible app on my smartphone that I use to keep track of my reading plan has a wonderful feature: a British man with a soothing voice reads it out loud to you!
So I recommitted.
This left me with no excuse to get behind, even on mornings when my hands are busy with little ones.
Then I wanted to find a way to listen while keeping my toddler’s hands busy. He needs my constant attention and interaction.
Typical toddler stuff.
So I grabbed his crayons and coloring book and he and I colored and listened. It wasn’t ideal for me because I kept getting interrupted by my toddler asking me for my crayon or what color he should make something but at least we were both getting some scripture in our heads. It is a good thing the baby was napping or I would also have been distracted by picking crayon out of his teeth.
I had been looking for a simple way to get more Bible reading in with my boys and now I think I found it. So I thank God for showing me another way to make His Word a part of our daily lives. I have a feeling we will be doing a whole lot more coloring in the future.
Then I wanted to find a way to listen while keeping my toddler’s hands busy. He needs my constant attention and interaction.
Typical toddler stuff.
So I grabbed his crayons and coloring book and he and I colored and listened. It wasn’t ideal for me because I kept getting interrupted by my toddler asking me for my crayon or what color he should make something but at least we were both getting some scripture in our heads. It is a good thing the baby was napping or I would also have been distracted by picking crayon out of his teeth.
I had been looking for a simple way to get more Bible reading in with my boys and now I think I found it. So I thank God for showing me another way to make His Word a part of our daily lives. I have a feeling we will be doing a whole lot more coloring in the future.
Do you have an favorite ways to get your devotions in with little ones? Please leave a comment below as I’m always open to new ideas!
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