Comments for Barnaby's English Journal

Comment on Paragraph of analysis on speech by Christopher Waugh

Christopher Waugh — Fri, 26 Sep 2014 16:53:54 +0000

I love that you originally wrote “Infliction”. The dangers of accent!

Comment on FITT Script by Christopher Waugh

Christopher Waugh — Tue, 16 Sep 2014 21:16:39 +0000

Hi, Barnaby.

I’ve installed an extension to allow you to highlight text – have a go with it and let me know what you think.

Mr Waugh

Comment on Is she invisible? by Miss Drewett

Miss Drewett — Mon, 09 Jun 2014 09:47:32 +0000

The strange thing is Barnaby, you haven’t actually shown that you ‘can and have read a series of words in the holidays’… just the pictures on the front cover…

Comment on Practice PEAL by Miss Drewett

Miss Drewett — Fri, 23 May 2014 11:46:52 +0000

Well done for considering theme and authorial intention without overly stating them as much a before or having them as an add-on – they are the main focus on your argument, which works well.

Perhaps consider revising your phrasing so that character is the key focus and themes are something gauged from it: e.g. ‘The development of Macbeth’s character throughout the play is a key aspect of the themes of instability and insanity, which play an important part in the action of Macbeth.’

Diseased it – infected.

Make sure to say Lady Macbeth, not LM.

To avoid / rephrase obvious stating of intention: e.g. ‘It could be that Shakespeare intended to … ‘ ‘It seems that Shakespeare wants to..’
Your analytical skills and argument are there. Focus on developing your writing with varied and sophisticated phrasing that shows your understanding as a whole not separate parts (authorial intention, themes, analysis of language all links into our understanding of character and vice versa).

Comment on Quiz about the Globe theatre by Miss Drewett.

Miss Drewett. — Sun, 18 May 2014 19:28:12 +0000

Will you be able to present this tomorrow?

Comment on HW Macbeth 6/5/14 by Miss Drewett

Miss Drewett — Thu, 15 May 2014 13:13:10 +0000

All the points are there Barnaby and you have tried to consider all of the success criteria we have been talking about e.g. authorial intent, theme, devices. However, I think you are getting caught up in the terminology of these and are trying to make it clear you have considered them. Don’t worry about stating the terminology, your ideas (like your analysis presented in Wednesday’s lessons) are very clear and you consider the depth of the language and how it links back to interpretation of character; there is no need to state you are considering theme/authorial intent/devices etc. Continue to focus your analysis on the connotations and effect of language choices as you really grasped this concept today.
Some points to consider:
1. Is Lady Macbeth being rude in the context of what has happened? They are rushed and panicked at that particular moment.
2. Be more specific in your last sentences – this is where you identify the device specifically and explain the effect clearly (what is the influence she has on Macbeth?)
3. Check the meaning of your sentence about the theme. Could you more clearly explain how the evidence of Lady Macbeth’s actions/speech is part of the theme of imbalance? (Imbalance is a great theme by the way as it covers a variety of other themes in the play – gender, power, can you think of any others?)

Comment on Haiti speech by joelbnorth

joelbnorth — Sat, 29 Mar 2014 13:09:23 +0000

Hello,

This reads very well.
Two editing points:
– you repeat the word countries on your first paragraph;
Your second paragraph should read
– A marker point at which we can start to develop upwards and outward to form a sustainable worldwide community that will eradicate the problems that once faced us.

Some points to develop:
– Haiti was the first country to break free of slavery and declare themselves a republic. The man responsible was Toussaint L’overture. I think I remember reading that his father was a doctor. Toussaint was an educated man who could no longer bear the injustice of his people. He fought against England and France.

– The Arcade Fire are from Haiti and have donated a high percentage of their profit to charities dedicated to rebuilding Haiti.

– I once saw Tony Benn talk about Haiti; research that.

Hope this helps,

Mr North

Comment on Haiti speech by joelbnorth

joelbnorth — Sat, 29 Mar 2014 13:09:05 +0000

Hello,

– The Arcade Fire are from Haiti and have donated a high percentage of their profit to charities dedicated to rebuilding Haiti.

– I once saw Tony Benn talk about Haiti; research that.

Hope this helps,

Me North

Comment on The Life of Pi review by jnorth

jnorth — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 22:20:06 +0000

Hello Barnaby,

I think your review reads very well. I agree with Lethaniel, your structure is very cohesive and your vocabulary has been carefully selected to suit your tone. Nice work.

I think Lethaniel might have been looking for further development of your own opinion in the final verdict.

Comment on The Life of Pi review by barnabymh

barnabymh — Sat, 22 Mar 2014 12:27:31 +0000

In reply to Lethaniel.

Review of Lethaniel’s review of my review of ‘The life of Pi’:
-please check the grammar
-CAPITAL LETTERS
-and if the verdict had more what?