then a lot of opinions wear Ed Hardy shirts.
If opinions are like assholes…
then you are like an opinion.
then you are like an opinion.
Opinions are like orgasms.
Mine’s the most important and I really don’t care about yours.
]]>Mine’s the most important and I really don’t care about yours.
A. Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
]]>“If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity”
…damn. This is a man’s law, right here. When Conan became king at the end of Conan the Destroyer, you can bet he made sure there was a rule just like this his first day in office. “Ladies, we respect your right to resolve disputes in whatever manner you feel necessary for the situation. But, DO NOT GRAB THE JUNK.”
If you’re not a believer and don’t think this “grab the nuts, lose a hand” commandment is from the almighty at all, then it becomes obvious what happened: The rule was handed down by some angry clergyman within the first minute or so of having his junk crushed.
Deuteronomy 23:1:
– Proverbs 31:6
Have a drink, you’re just going to die anyway. Things also just make more sense when drunk.
]]>If money is the root of all evil, then why do they ask for it in church?
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth and just won a stupid toaster.
While on the cross, jesus calls out to John. John fights through the romans, wraps his arms around the base of the cross, looks up and CRIES, YES MY LORD! Christ looks down upon him and says: “JOHN, I CAN SEE YOUR HOUSE FROM HERE!”
Q: Did you hear about the priest who became a marathon runner?
A: He never finishes in first; he’s always cumming in a little behind.
Q: What do you call it when Batman leaves church early?
A: Christian Bale
Because they don’t allow gays in the military.
]]>…I forgot where I was going with this.
]]>Me neither.
]]>