Facebook celebrated its 20th anniversary a fortnight ago, bringing back a flood of memories from my time there between 2011 and 2013! Working and learning in such an environment was an absolute privilege. Let me share with you three key takeaways from my stint at Facebook:

1. The Power of a Mission

Being mission-driven propels an organization forward. Facebook, or Meta as it’s known today, showcased this ethos more effectively than any other company I’ve had the pleasure to work with. “Make the world more open and connected” was not merely a slogan but our guiding star. Immersed in a culture that reminded us “we’re 1% done,” we always focused on the journey ahead, instead of resting on our laurels.

I have always been a positive person, but a transformative workshop at Facebook revealed I had been focusing too much on improving my weaknesses rather than enhancing my strengths.

We actively practiced a strengths-based execution approach, with my managers significantly contributing to adopting this mindset. This change in perspective has profoundly influenced my work and leadership style across different settings. For those interested in discovering their strengths, I recommend exploring StrengthsFinder as a starting point.

Reflecting on those years, the lessons and growth I experienced at Facebook have been foundational, and continue to influence me. Thank you for taking a moment to revisit this chapter of my life with me.

Photos:

1. Listing Day in 2011 — the day Facebook went public on the NYSE, with Zuck ringing the bell. We celebrated this milestone at the Hyderabad Office. Can you spot me in the photo?
2. A candid snap at work.
3. My farewell from Facebook in August 2013. 

My daughter, Mireya, or Dottie as I call her, has a funny bone.
Or three, maybe. Three funny bones.
She loves to laugh and enjoys making others laugh, too.
In fact, her penchant for drama and entertainment means that she will often make me crack up at something she says or does.

They say the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. Kids are like their parents.
But her sense of humour? I don’t know where she got that from.
She’s hilarious!
To think that she’s only 7 and has been dishing out funnies since she was 3!

I’m really looking forward to seeing what she’s like as an adult…
while making sure I savour every moment in the here and now, and cherish all the hilariously special moments we’ve shared over the years.

Take a look at the 14 stories I’ve shared below.
For more, click here and follow me on Facebook.

This one is from when Dottie was 4 years old and so focused on her work!

When I really need her to be sweet and encouraging, this is the sort of stuff she says…

She knows how to play with words, too.

Dottie and her birthday obsession! Are most girls the same?

Over the years, she has learned to choose her words to her advantage.

One of my favourites of all time. I had to be picked up from the floor. LOL!

Dottie is as crazy and passionate about food as I am.  Perhaps, even more?
I’m not as dramatic as she is, not even close.
I do see where she gets this from, though
KFC India, you guys are one of her favourite fast-food chains

Every once in a while, when I have to be stern with Dottie, I think back to the years when this would happen…

Haha! This was from earlier this year. Those who have been married long enough will know how I knew what expression my wife had on her face.

Dottie always has the nicest things to say to her grandmother. LOL!

She regularly comes up with gems like this one. Makes sense, right?
A logic-centred approach to learning and using languages.

Dottie loves Dominos Pizza. But is this normal?

I’m doing all I can to teach Dottie to be humble, and now this…

I love seeing reminders of her love for me. This girl is precious!

“…that’s Mireya’s dad,” I hear someone say, as they walk up to me on a post-Church Service Sunday afternoon. Three years of practice have quickened my reaction time to such introductions and I smile; with a twinkly-eye matter-of-fact-ness that’s hard to ignore – I AM her father, and I love it!

In the 9 months leading up to Mireya’s birth, my friends and family often said: you’ll be a great dad; you’re a natural! I gloated, but I also knew it’d take much more than “past successes” – elder brother-ing, baby-sitting and sunday school-ing – to be a good great dad.

~3 years and 3 months on from the day my dottie was born, here are 10 “becoming-a-better-daddy” lessons I’ve learnt.

1. Be patient – it’s a no-brainer that needs every-moment practice
I’ve struggled with this; still do. Hearing a child scream drives me crazy,
seeing my daughter throw a tantrum annoys me.
I’m learning not to be quick to correct, but to wait and keep myself from saying too much. Thought over instinct always wins, when thought gets there first.

2. Listen
Don’t get too caught up with what you’re doing. Really, it can wait a while. Take a moment to listen to your child. If not, your shirt will get yanked on, your hair pulled at, and your ear drums enslaved until you do.

Paraphrasing a scary quote I read not too long ago, if you don’t listen to the silly, seemingly unimportant things your kids tell you when they’re little, they won’t tell you the important stuff when they’re older.

3.  Encourage, encourage, encourage…

4. Discipline your child, but not when you’re angry
Discipline is good.
I always remind myself to let Mireya know that I discipline her because I love her. If you discipline your children out of anger and frustration, they most likely will always fear making you angry and the consequences that brings rather than focusing on what you’re trying to help them change.
Breathe + think > Address the situation, calmly > Make it rain affection!

5. Build trust
Don’t lie to your kids or tell them stories to scare them just because you want them to listen to you. Indian friends, threats like “if you don’t eat your food, the tiger will come and eat you up” need to leave our homes.
If you lie to your kids now, how will they trust you when they’re older?

6. Manipulation is a no-no
The “if you come to me now I’ll give you a chocolate” strategy will come back to bite you in a few years. Make your kids listen by being stubborn and refusing to budge in any situation.  

7. Be a man of your word. Always.

8. Don’t yell at your kids
You wouldn’t like your dad shouting at 30-year-old you in a room full of people (or even 1:1, for that matter) would you? Don’t yell at your kids. If you really need them to “snap out of it”taking them aside and speaking to them firmly or giving them a much need spanking (you read that right) in private is the route I’d recommend.

9. Embrace madness
Play their real “imagination games” with them, dance, run, joke, listen to their jokes, laugh, giggle, eat doll-house food, play house-house every few hours…
When you make an effort, it can be a lot of fun!

10. Love her mother MORE (and learn from her approach to parenting)
It’s important to love your children unconditionally, it’s also important to shower their mother with love, affection and adulation in their presence.
I’ve found that displaying affection makes Mireya happy. Every once in a while she says: “Papa, kiss mama; I think she’s missing you!”
A few seconds later, she initiates group-hug mode!

My wife is a goldmine of information, stats, creative ideas and general super mom-ness. I’ve come a long way as a dad because Mireya has her for a mom.

The cycle goes on: depravity, shock, anger, protests, resignation, apathy, [repeat].

When will it stop?

Today – a few days post the most recent ‘rape incident’ in India – my Facebook Newsfeed is still full of opinions and articles that condemn the act, express solidarity with the victim, and appeal for justice. Good on you, people; what some of you are doing is necessary, but it’s not enough. I’m telling myself the same thing, too.

Over the past few months I, like many of you, have spent many hours thinking about India’s women harassment and rape problem, and what I can do to help curb it. Of the many factors that are perpetuating this problem there are two that I consider most significant.

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I. The breakdown of accountability

“Who are you to tell me what to do? I can do what I want! <enter obligatory expletive>”

Sounds familiar?

We don’t like being questioned; we don’t like being told what to do; we don’t like hearing opposing thoughts and ideologies and, more importantly, the people they come from. We don’t like rules and laws; we don’t like the government; we don’t like the idea of being considerate and thoughtful; we fear no one because “we know someone” – someone who can get us out of trouble. We don’t like having to wait for the good things in life.

Selfishness is rampant. We like getting, taking. Everything has slowly begun to become about us, and satisfying our dreams and desires. We blatantly flout the rules, and then scoff at the stereotypical “tu jaanta nahin main kaun hoon?” (paraphrased: don’t you know who you’re talking to?) Delhi boys (who, actually, live in every corner of India). We’re short-tempered, needlessly violent, and always looking to get ahead and get what we want – at any cost.

Our friendships are superficial. We’re not as invested as we should be in surrounding ourselves with good friends who not only are fun to be around but also question and correct us when we need it.
With the recent rise in (reported) gang rapes, I’ve asked myself why there was not a single member of the group (of friends) who vociferously objected to the others’ plans? Was there not one person who was willing to stick his neck out and say that their thoughts and schemes were wrong?
We’re not talking about hardened criminals and repeat offenders here; many of the rapists in the news are first-time offenders.

It’s sad that our frail identities and need for acceptance makes us compromise and conform…and do things we most likely wouldn’t do if we were by ourselves. No one is accountable to us; we’re not accountable to anyone.

We need to bring accountability back!
“You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another.”

II. The monumental failure of husbands/fathers

How will our youth and successive generations learn to respect women and uphold their rights if menfolk, especially husbands/fathers, continue to malign and demean them at home?

As fathers, most men in our country set a terrible example for their children, especially their sons – lording over their wife; expecting to be served; never helping with the running of the home; valuing what their mother says far more than their wife’s opinion; being unfaithful; arguing and talking rudely to their wife in front of their children; hardly ever demonstrating their love for their wife (if there’s any at all) at home – no kisses, hugs or time spent in conversation. Not enough is done to demonstrate to their family that they value their wife.

Several studies have concluded that one of the biggest keys to bringing up confident, secure, good children is having a healthy relationship with your spouse. By healthy, I don’t mean tolerating each other or doing everything you can to stay away from the D-word. I’m talking about being in love with your spouse, telling them how much you love them, doing things that show you do, and talking to others – especially your kids – about how much they mean to you.

Instead, most fathers (and mothers) beam with pride only when talking about their children. “My kids are the centre of my world,” they say, and then go on to tell their kids: “I love you more than anyone else!” Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to be expressive with your kids, and it’s natural to feel strongly about them and want the best for them. I’m only asking that we (again, especially husbands/fathers) question our relational priorities and how we articulate their importance. As ‘the head of the home,’ men, this is your responsibility!

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The way forward

…is not capital punishment for the rapist you’re pointing your finger at and blaming.

it’s in making big changes in the way we run our homes. Fathers everywhere need to be more involved, not just a figurehead who earns brownie points for taking his children to the movies or buying them whatever they ask for.
Involved in the running of the home.
Invested in building strong relationships.
Intentionally working towards being a great example.

Parents need to be seen as being on the same team – unshakeable, loving, consistent, and firm. Good Cop vs Bad Cop has to go! Mothers need to stand their ground with their kids. Please, PLEASE don’t pamper your sons at your daughters’ expense and have different standards for them!

I talk to my young friends often about preparing for marriage and fatherhood – hoping they see how wonderful it is, and how much of themselves they should be prepared to invest to keep it that way. I also encourage them to build solid, real friendships – the “steel sharpens steel” kind.