Weird Encounter with High Strung Mom at the Library
So I had this weird encounter with a single Mom at the local library. I’m browsing through books and a lady is watching me. I get self-conscious. Does she think I’m stealing books or something? It’s awkward. Then she approaches me and I smile nervously.
“Kirk, you don’t know me, but you have changed my life and my relationship with my son completely.”
I nod awkwardly. I still have never figured out what to say. “Yeah, I know, I’m amazing, aren’t I?” Haha. It’s just weird. But I know it means a lot to people to express this so I tell her that means a lot to me. I also know there’s emotion coming and that makes me nervous because I’m a guy.
“I never imagined life could be this way with my son. The constant yelling, fighting, all of the true nasty days have ended. With all the ideas from your CDs, we have made learning fun. And now we enjoy spending time together now.”
Crap. Now the tears come. I’m standing next to a crying lady in the public library, like I did something to hurt her. “So what has changed?”
“Well, my son is in the first grade and has a hard time with reading. So we made a reading fort and read by flashlight. He will practice reading to the dogs and cats. We actually make learning fun now!”
Ah good. We’re into the practical stuff now. So I give her a few more ideas to help her son with his anxiety. Have the teacher give him a specific job to do every morning. When you ask him to do something, remove yourself and give him space to do it without hovering over him. She nods and takes notes (which I love!!), but then I see the tears start again.
“I’m a little high strung by nature,” she begins. And inside I’m thinking, “No! Really?!” The truth is most of us are. I LOVE LOVE LOVE when people are honest about themselves.
“I’ve helped my son, but now I want to stop lecturing and worrying. I want to break these patterns of control, perfectionism and anxiety.” She began to explain that she’s a single Mom. I said, “I have an idea. I’ll mentor you as long as you don’t stalk me in the library again.” 🙂
I never give people my phone number unless they sign up for mentoring with me. But this single Mom had made a financial and emotional investment already, and I knew we were on the verge of something life-changing.
This Mom, high strung and stalker lady as she is (kidding), is doing something monumental. She is literally changing who she is. She is breaking patterns that have been in her life for decades. Not only has she changed the relationship with her son, she is breaking this pattern in his life and his kids’ lives forever. That’s more important than good grades or good behavior. That is creating a new family tree.
Side note: I also know that the next time she begins to date or decides to marry, she will be whole and confident and attract a caring, selfless, guy to her. Because she’s going to be a different person. And that rocks!
Are YOU ready to change yourself? Ready to surrender, change the way you view your child, and have a new relationship like this Mom? Focus on changing yourself instead of your child and spouse! It’s amazing how much this works. And if you want me to mentor you, learn more here.
Final Week: Get THE BAG FREE ($150 value). Only 17 sets remaining.
Want to finally stop the yelling and lecturing? Get control of yourself with our 30 Days to Calm Program. And we’ll show you how to calm your kids for FREE.
You react when your kids push your buttons and just can’t seem to stop, even though you know you have to. You get on your kids constantly, lecturing and eventually yelling. It merely creates more power struggles and strains your relationships.
Only YOU have the power to create a new family tree and break these patterns so your kids don’t grow up and struggle with the same issues.
Want to control your emotions? Click here to listen to this short podcast: “Stop doing so much and get control of your emotions.”
You invest in yourself to finally stop the yelling, lecturing, and power struggles. WE GIVE YOU THE BAG ($150 value) FREE. These are the same CDs that have changed over a hundred thousand families. FREE this week. Click here to learn more about The Bag. See complete descriptions and listen to audio samples below.
You’ve struggled with this for years. It took me 22 therapy sessions and $3,350 to learn these steps. We’ve consolidated this and made it simple, practical, and easy to apply. The regular price of this program is going to be $300. But during this SPECIAL SALE, you get a step-by-step guide to calm for the price of one trip to a therapist: only $150. PLUS you get an additional 9 hours of practical strategies and GET THE BAG FREE ($150 value).
30 Days To Calm: Stop Yelling, Lecturing, & Reacting (1 CD + 1 PDF Workbook + 45-page Q&A)
Kirk provides 30 specific, concrete strategies to:
- Stop the lecturing and yelling for good to create a new family tree.
- Stop reacting when your kids, spouse, and friends push your buttons so you are in control of yourself.
- Break the old patterns that cause you to worry about your kids’ future and feel like you’re not a good enough parent.
- Get control of your time instead of feeling rushed, on edge and anxious. No more drama. No more anxiety.
- Deal with daily pressures of morning rush, traffic, homework, bossy parents, social media, over-scheduling your kids, and more.
You will learn how to control yourself…instead of controlling everyone else. Finally. Includes a downloadable Workbook and 30 action steps (one per day) to break those old patterns.
Bonus: Features a 45-page Q&A with answers to your toughest questions and strategies to overcome your toughest triggers.
THIS WEEK ONLY: GET THE BAG FREE WITH YOUR PURCHASE OF 30 Days to Calm!Â
Get 9 hours of practical strategies and answers to your 100 toughest questions. Listen alone, listen WITH your kids, or have them listen alone. You will learn dozens of very practical, concrete strategies to stop defiance, disrespect, yelling, sibling fights, power struggles over screen time and homework. Plus your kids listen to Casey’s Straight Talk For Kids and learn to control themselves.
Stop Power Struggles with Your Strong-Willed Child (2 CDs, 2 hours). Kirk will show you how to cultivate a deep, trusting relationship with a strong-willed child who:
- Only wants to do things on his terms.
- Doesn’t care about consequences or anything you care about.
- Resists or shut downs when you try to talk to him.
- Would rather suffer and do things the hard way than do what you ask.
- Gets upset quickly over changes in plans.
- Feels different than his siblings and classmates.
- Gets the entire family revolving around his drama.
CD 2 Track 04: You can’t let strong-willed kids walk all over you. But tough discipline should always lead to a closer relationship. Listen how to do this even when your child is defiant.
Straight Talk For Kids (3 CDs, 3 hours)
Kids listen as a teenager (Casey) shows them how to deal with daily disappointment, anger, frustration, peer pressure, siblings, and homework.
- Kids feel understood, confident, motivated, and purposeful.
- Casey teaches kids how to communicate with parents respectfully to earn trust.
- Casey gives dozens of practical tools to handle sibling fights, organizational skills, focus, and social skills.
Discipline That Works: Get Your Kids to Listen the First Time (2 CDs, 2 hours)
Kirk will show you 25 ways to discipline without yelling to stop the fighting, lying, tantrums, whining, complaining and more. Learn to give directions ONE time… NO more repeating things!
- Give directions one time. No more repeating yourself, yelling or bribing!
- Stop lying, hitting, interrupting, tantrums, whining, and complaining.
- Teach kids how to control themselves. A must have in every home.
Listen to a sample track:
If you have any questions or need help selecting the best CD/DVD sets for your family, please call us at 888-506-1871 or email Casey@CelebrateCalm.com. And yes, you will actually speak with us!
So about a month ago, the new teller at my bank, Christine, asks, “What’s this Celebrate Calm?” I tell her how we work with kids who like to do things on their own terms, argue and negotiate, create fierce battles over little issues, are bright but only curious about subjects they don’t get grades for, resist when pushed, etc. Her eyes light up and she says, “That’s my daughter!”
She proceeds to tell me all about her trials and tribulations. I listen patiently, nodding my head, commiserating. Then because I felt like it, I asked, “Do I have permission to tell you bluntly what the issue is?”
She says, “Of course.” And the older teller who I’ve known for awhile just laughs. Because she knows what’s coming.
“The problem, and therefore the solution,” I begin, ” is you. You are filled with anxiety over your daughter’s future because she isn’t living up to your expectations. She’s capable of so much more–those were your exact words. You spend all of your time trying to fix her. You lecture and explain and practically beg her to listen to you. She resists more.
“You get flustered and take things away. She doesn’t care. You have control issues because you want everything done a certain way-but your daughter will never, ever do it your way. And you don’t know what to do, so you double down and get more intense. And it gets worse. And probably causes problems in your marriage, too.”
Christine stared at me blankly. Then I saw the lone tear. As she wiped her eyes, she lamented, “I know. I just don’t know how to stop. I love her so much.”
“So, are you REALLY ready to change this? Because the only person in this relationship you can change is yourself. And I promise that when you change your tone of voice, your words, your focus…when you control your anxiety and mouth…then you will see your daughter through different eyes. Then you will see her blossom and change. But as long as you hold on to your way she will resist you to the grave. And you don’t want that.”
Christine uttered five beautiful words that actually brought tears to my eyes. “I am ready to surrender.” Wow.
So I asked her to go through the 30 Days to Calm program with me. Honestly, it was fascinating to see all the issues that surfaced from her past relationships and experiences. Every time I’d go into the bank, she’d have a new story. But the stories weren’t about her daughter–they were about herself. Here’s what she said to me:
“I got so focused on becoming a new person and controlling my own anxiety that it gave my daughter some space to be herself and grow. Since she was in pre-school, I had spent all my energy trying to change her. It never, ever worked. But I didn’t know another way. When I became a different person, I saw her differently. She’s still frustrating, but I see her blossoming and our relationship has turned around 180 degrees. SHE has noticed the difference in me. I don’t lecture, I don’t make snide comments. It feels so good!”
So today I dropped off THE BAG (our 4 most popular programs) at the bank for her as my gift--now that she has changed herself (which never stops), she has tools in these CDs to help her daughter with focus, attention, impulse control, social skills, homework, discipline, controlling her emotions and more.
YOUR strong-willed child will NOT change until you change.
Final Week: Get THE BAG FREE ($150 value). Only 17 sets remaining.
Want to finally stop the yelling and lecturing? Get control of yourself with our 30 Days to Calm Program. And we’ll show you how to calm your kids for FREE.
You react when your kids push your buttons and just can’t seem to stop, even though you know you have to. You get on your kids constantly, lecturing and eventually yelling. It merely creates more power struggles and strains your relationships.
Only YOU have the power to create a new family tree and break these patterns so your kids don’t grow up and struggle with the same issues.
Want to control your emotions? Click here to listen to this short podcast: “Stop doing so much and get control of your emotions.”
You invest in yourself to finally stop the yelling, lecturing, and power struggles. WE GIVE YOU THE BAG ($150 value) FREE. These are the same CDs that have changed over a hundred thousand families. FREE this week. Click here to learn more about The Bag. See complete descriptions and listen to audio samples below.
You’ve struggled with this for years. It took me 22 therapy sessions and $3,350 to learn these steps. We’ve consolidated this and made it simple, practical, and easy to apply. The regular price of this program is going to be $300. But during this SPECIAL SALE, you get a step-by-step guide to calm for the price of one trip to a therapist: only $150. PLUS you get an additional 9 hours of practical strategies and GET THE BAG FREE ($150 value).
30 Days To Calm: Stop Yelling, Lecturing, & Reacting (1 CD + 1 PDF Workbook + 45-page Q&A)
Kirk provides 30 specific, concrete strategies to:
- Stop the lecturing and yelling for good to create a new family tree.
- Stop reacting when your kids, spouse, and friends push your buttons so you are in control of yourself.
- Break the old patterns that cause you to worry about your kids’ future and feel like you’re not a good enough parent.
- Get control of your time instead of feeling rushed, on edge and anxious. No more drama. No more anxiety.
- Deal with daily pressures of morning rush, traffic, homework, bossy parents, social media, over-scheduling your kids, and more.
You will learn how to control yourself…instead of controlling everyone else. Finally. Includes a downloadable Workbook and 30 action steps (one per day) to break those old patterns.
Bonus: Features a 45-page Q&A with answers to your toughest questions and strategies to overcome your toughest triggers.
THIS WEEK ONLY: GET THE BAG FREE WITH YOUR PURCHASE OF 30 Days to Calm!Â
Get 9 hours of practical strategies and answers to your 100 toughest questions. Listen alone, listen WITH your kids, or have them listen alone. You will learn dozens of very practical, concrete strategies to stop defiance, disrespect, yelling, sibling fights, power struggles over screen time and homework. Plus your kids listen to Casey’s Straight Talk For Kids and learn to control themselves.
Stop Power Struggles with Your Strong-Willed Child (2 CDs, 2 hours). Kirk will show you how to cultivate a deep, trusting relationship with a strong-willed child who:
- Only wants to do things on his terms.
- Doesn’t care about consequences or anything you care about.
- Resists or shut downs when you try to talk to him.
- Would rather suffer and do things the hard way than do what you ask.
- Gets upset quickly over changes in plans.
- Feels different than his siblings and classmates.
- Gets the entire family revolving around his drama.
CD 2 Track 04: You can’t let strong-willed kids walk all over you. But tough discipline should always lead to a closer relationship. Listen how to do this even when your child is defiant.
Straight Talk For Kids (3 CDs, 3 hours)
Kids listen as a teenager (Casey) shows them how to deal with daily disappointment, anger, frustration, peer pressure, siblings, and homework.
- Kids feel understood, confident, motivated, and purposeful.
- Casey teaches kids how to communicate with parents respectfully to earn trust.
- Casey gives dozens of practical tools to handle sibling fights, organizational skills, focus, and social skills.
Discipline That Works: Get Your Kids to Listen the First Time (2 CDs, 2 hours)
Kirk will show you 25 ways to discipline without yelling to stop the fighting, lying, tantrums, whining, complaining and more. Learn to give directions ONE time… NO more repeating things!
- Give directions one time. No more repeating yourself, yelling or bribing!
- Stop lying, hitting, interrupting, tantrums, whining, and complaining.
- Teach kids how to control themselves. A must have in every home.
Listen to a sample track:
If you have any questions or need help selecting the best CD/DVD sets for your family, please call us at 888-506-1871 or email Casey@CelebrateCalm.com. And yes, you will actually speak with us!
Dear Mr. Martin,
You and your son are the first people who have really understood me so I want to ask a favor. After my Mom made me listen to your ADHD University CDs over the weekend, it gave me an idea. I want to write a note to my teachers–would you be willing to review this?
I was blown away by this request, but even more by the letter that followed. I have reprinted it here, with minor edits and permission from Justin.
To my teachers:
I appreciate how hard your job must be, teaching 25 kids who are all very different. I know that even though we don’t always see eye to eye, you do want the best for me.
(1) I want to do well in your class. I just learn differently. I know you think I’m not listening when I’m doodling, but the opposite is true. Drawing and coloring is calming to me, and it stimulates the neurons in my brain (how’s that for learning science, Mr. D?!). Plus I learned that some kids like me learn best when not looking adults in the eye-so please don’t think I’m being rude!
(2) Would it be okay with you if I took tests sitting on the floor in the back of the room? I think better when relaxing. And if not tests, could I do class assignments like that while chewing gum if I promise to spit it out at the end of class? Chewing brings blood flow to my brain, creates rhythm in my brain, and relaxes me. I’ve always thought there was something wrong with me, but now I know I’m perfectly normal-I just learn differently. It’s all brain science.
(3) I apologize for being negative and having a bad attitude. I know it only hurts me. May I ask a favor? Ever since I was a little kid, adults have assumed the worst about me and been frustrated with me. Those behavior charts just destroyed me when I was little. Giving consequences and lecturing me makes me want to fight. If I change my attitude, would you assume the best about me this week?
The Celebrate Calm guy had this great phrase that spoke to me. He said a teacher once told a student, “I like that you can work independently and make decisions by yourself. It shows me that you’re mature, have initiative and are a leader. Let me know if you have any questions or need help.”
I’d like someone to treat me like that. I’ll work harder for you! Thank you for your consideration.
Okay, put your Kleenex away and go hug your strong-willed child. Let’s empower your kids and build their confidence. These are world-changing kids if we can just understand them and give them tools to succeed instead of punishing them.
And that’s what we are going to do for 20 kids across the country through our Entrepreneur BootCamps. Click here to learn more about our Camps.
Can’t make it to one of our camps? Let your kids listen to the ADHD University™ Program (FREE this week with Brain Boosters™ for School Success Program) Click here to learn more about our Brain Boosters and ADHD University Programs.
With this week’s special, you receive:
* ADHD University CDs (3 hours of insight you’ve never heard)
* ADHD University PDF Workbook to write a plan for your child’s success.
* Q&A with Answers to Your Toughest 50 Questions
* Brain Boosters Audio (MP3/Download Only–2 Hours)
* Brain Boosters Workbook for Teachers and Parents (PDF)
Every tool imaginable to help your child succeed for the price of one visit to a therapist. And thousands less than testing.
The post Letter from a child. Get the Kleenex out. first appeared on Celebrate Calm.]]>I received a phone call from a pastor recently, angry that his church had booked me to speak because I didn’t believe enough in punishment and consequences. He accused me of allowing children to rule the home.
I asked him to please read this blog post and listen to this podcast. You should, too!
You Can’t Let Your Kids Walk All Over You.
When Kids Are Defiant Podcast.
He was afraid that I was too wimpy with kids. I’m not. But in too many homes and churches, that authoritarian, “my way or the highway” approach literally destroys relationships between fathers and sons and mothers and daughters. The damage is often irreparable. And it doesn’t work!
So I sent this patient, curious Pastor OUR MOST POPULAR CDs so he could listen to the Discipline That Works: Get Your Kids to Listen The First Time program for himself (FREE this week with our special). And here’s what he emailed back.
“This sounds an awful lot like the way I would want someone to parent me. Firm, but understanding. An emphasis on giving tools to succeed rather than punishing for failure. We can’t wait for our community to hear you. I think this will change relationships.”
(If you want your community to hear this message, email Emily@CelebrateCalm.com or call 888-506-1871. She will send you a one-page proposal for you to share with your PTA, school, church, or foster care organization.)
So here are 8 critical principles for discipline.
Forward this to your spouse and ask him/her to be open to a different way if the endless cycle of consequences and tears isn’t working now.
1) Discipline is something you do FOR your children, not TO them. It is a gift to your children.
2) Discipline is about changing a child’s heart, NOT about changing a child’s outward behavior.
3) Discipline literally means to teach, not punish. I can get “good behavior” and outward compliance with threats. That is coercion, not obedience. A heart that trusts can surrender and feel safe to listen to parents.
4) The best discipline is self-discipline. I want to teach kids to control their own behavior so you don’t have to “make them” behave. That’s why I want your kids listening to Casey’s “Straight Talk for Kids” program (FREE with the summer special). My son shows your son and daughter how to control their own emotions. Powerful.
5) Good discipline will always lead you closer to your kids, not further away. If the “my way or the highway” approach is alienating the kids, change tactics. You change the way you communicate with different people at work–do the same at home.
(Listen to the two short podcasts below to learn how to control your emotions and tone of voice under pressure!)
6) Humility and authority walk hand in hand. Want your kids to actually respect and listen to you when you’re not standing over them? Discipline with humility. It will make you appear stronger and more confident. Yelling and flailing about makes you look out of control and weak.
7) Discipline is love. Because I love you…
– I take the time necessary to instruct you.
– I risk you being mad at me for saying no.
– I summon the physical and emotional strength to follow through when it is inconvenient, when I am tired, when I am in public.
It is NOT about the convenience of the moment or your behavior right now. Quick fixes don’t work. My goal is to teach you self-discipline, a huge competitive advantage for you.
8) I always ask three questions when I discipline: Have I SHOWN my child HOW to control himself? Have I given my child TOOLS to be successful next time? Have I built my relationship with my child?
Because if you do those three things well, the child’s behavior WILL change AND you will have built a trusting relationship with even the most strong-willed child. Can you do that? Can you control your own emotions and stop the yelling and lecturing?
I want to be the trusted parent who shows my kids how to be successful instead of the yelling, nagging parent who’s always pointing out what’s wrong. Are you ready to be that parent your kids can look up to?
YOUR strong-willed child will NOT change until you change. Are you ready to first change yourself? If you are, then I will give you OUR 3 MOST POPULAR PROGRAMS ($297 value) FREE as well. But you have to promise that you’ll work on yourself first. No cheating. See below to listen to short podcasts.
Need help or want to customize your download? It’s easy. Email Emily@CelebrateCalm.com or call 888.506.1871 and we’ll help you ASAP.
Final Week: Get THE BAG FREE ($150 value). Only 17 sets remaining.
Want to finally stop the yelling and lecturing? Get control of yourself with our 30 Days to Calm Program. And we’ll show you how to calm your kids for FREE.
You react when your kids push your buttons and just can’t seem to stop, even though you know you have to. You get on your kids constantly, lecturing and eventually yelling. It merely creates more power struggles and strains your relationships.
Only YOU have the power to create a new family tree and break these patterns so your kids don’t grow up and struggle with the same issues.
Want to learn how to stop reacting? Click here to listen to a practical 9-minute podcast and a preview of one of the 30 action steps.
Want to control your emotions? Click here to listen to this short podcast: “Stop doing so much and get control of your emotions.”
You invest in yourself to finally stop the yelling, lecturing, and power struggles. WE GIVE YOU THE BAG ($150 value) FREE. These are the same CDs that have changed over a hundred thousand families. FREE this week. Click here to learn more about The Bag. See complete descriptions and listen to audio samples below.
You’ve struggled with this for years. It took me 22 therapy sessions and $3,350 to learn these steps. We’ve consolidated this and made it simple, practical, and easy to apply. The regular price of this program is going to be $300. But during this SPECIAL SALE, you get a step-by-step guide to calm for the price of one trip to a therapist: only $150. PLUS you get an additional 9 hours of practical strategies and GET THE BAG FREE ($150 value).
30 Days To Calm: Stop Yelling, Lecturing, & Reacting (1 CD + 1 PDF Workbook + 45-page Q&A)
Kirk provides 30 specific, concrete strategies to:
- Stop the lecturing and yelling for good to create a new family tree.
- Stop reacting when your kids, spouse, and friends push your buttons so you are in control of yourself.
- Break the old patterns that cause you to worry about your kids’ future and feel like you’re not a good enough parent.
- Get control of your time instead of feeling rushed, on edge and anxious. No more drama. No more anxiety.
- Deal with daily pressures of morning rush, traffic, homework, bossy parents, social media, over-scheduling your kids, and more.
You will learn how to control yourself…instead of controlling everyone else. Finally. Includes a downloadable Workbook and 30 action steps (one per day) to break those old patterns.
Bonus: Features a 45-page Q&A with answers to your toughest questions and strategies to overcome your toughest triggers.
THIS WEEK ONLY: GET THE BAG FREE WITH YOUR PURCHASE OF 30 Days to Calm!Â
Get 9 hours of practical strategies and answers to your 100 toughest questions. Listen alone, listen WITH your kids, or have them listen alone. You will learn dozens of very practical, concrete strategies to stop defiance, disrespect, yelling, sibling fights, power struggles over screen time and homework. Plus your kids listen to Casey’s Straight Talk For Kids and learn to control themselves.
Stop Power Struggles with Your Strong-Willed Child (2 CDs, 2 hours). Kirk will show you how to cultivate a deep, trusting relationship with a strong-willed child who:
- Only wants to do things on his terms.
- Doesn’t care about consequences or anything you care about.
- Resists or shut downs when you try to talk to him.
- Would rather suffer and do things the hard way than do what you ask.
- Gets upset quickly over changes in plans.
- Feels different than his siblings and classmates.
- Gets the entire family revolving around his drama.
CD 2 Track 04: You can’t let strong-willed kids walk all over you. But tough discipline should always lead to a closer relationship. Listen how to do this even when your child is defiant.
Straight Talk For Kids (3 CDs, 3 hours)
Kids listen as a teenager (Casey) shows them how to deal with daily disappointment, anger, frustration, peer pressure, siblings, and homework.
- Kids feel understood, confident, motivated, and purposeful.
- Casey teaches kids how to communicate with parents respectfully to earn trust.
- Casey gives dozens of practical tools to handle sibling fights, organizational skills, focus, and social skills.
Discipline That Works: Get Your Kids to Listen the First Time (2 CDs, 2 hours)
Kirk will show you 25 ways to discipline without yelling to stop the fighting, lying, tantrums, whining, complaining and more. Learn to give directions ONE time… NO more repeating things!
- Give directions one time. No more repeating yourself, yelling or bribing!
- Stop lying, hitting, interrupting, tantrums, whining, and complaining.
- Teach kids how to control themselves. A must have in every home.
Listen to a sample track:
If you have any questions or need help selecting the best CD/DVD sets for your family, please call us at 888-506-1871 or email Casey@CelebrateCalm.com. And yes, you will actually speak with us!
How Can You Get Kids Moving ASAP When There Isn’t Time to Be Calm?
So this is cool. A dad downloaded the new CDs and listened on his way back and forth to work. I’m always happy to personally answer questions as you’re listening to the new CDs.
Q: “Kirk, I have used 5 strategies already with success to get kids to listen and diffuse meltdowns. I like the succinct, direct, practical advice. I’m an engineer so this is perfect! But I do have a dilemma.
“There are times when we have appointments or time critical situations where you can’t just lay on the floor with your child. How do you get the resistant child to move quickly so we’re not late?”
A: Let’s assume there really was an emergency. Assuming you weren’t freaking out yourself, you would lead the kids out the door in a calm, authoritative way that is reassuring and confident with a steady voice and some intensity.
Think about how a military leader leads his men into battle. He’s not going to explain things, commiserate about how scared they are, and listen to them share their feelings. But he’s also not going to scream, threaten and create chaos.
(Listen to the two short podcasts below to learn how to control your emotions and tone of voice under pressure!)
He may take a knee, draw the kids (troops) around him, and say in a direct, matter-of-fact manner: “Guys, we’re marching now. We stay focused, we execute our plan, we move now.” There’s a confident, purposeful tone that takes charge.
He also gives his kids (troops) very specific jobs with some intensity. I’m reading about D-Day now and all the soldiers say the same thing:
– “I was scared waiting for battle, but once my commanding officer gave me a specific mission to focus on, the fear left and I did my job.”
– “The captains, lieutenants and generals we revered most were the ones who lead us calmly into battle upfront. We followed them because they lead with confidence.”
Try adding intensity of purpose and action to your directions–you’re not being intense AT or TOWARD the child who needs to move, you’re stimulating the brain with a purposeful mission.
“Son, I need your help. We have to get to our appointment quickly. I need you to be my navigator so find the quickest route. Daughter, you need to keep your eyes pealed for cops so I don’t get a ticket. Got it?”
Create a “march mode” routine. Maybe you have a special code word (kids love that stuff), play certain music, or create a family marching song-even if it’s silly. Use it sparingly but confidently. It’s a tradition you create in your home.
Affirm when the soldiers (I mean kids!) march well. Don’t forget this part. Give some intensity to it. Later that day, “Man, we were in a real crunch this morning and you guys saved the day. I know you wanted to stay home and play with Legos, but you guys really stepped up. I’m proud of you. Well done!”
Want to learn ten other ways to get your kids to listen the first time? Yeah, you do!! Want to learn how to calm upset kids? Motivate a strong-willed child who wants to do things on his terms? All without yelling, giving consequences that don’t work, and ruining your relationship? Good, we will show you exactly how to do this with real life examples. Because the quickest way to change your child’s behavior is to first control your own.
YOUR strong-willed child will NOT change until you change. Are you ready to first change yourself? If you are, then I will give you THE BAG ($150 value) FREE as well. But you have to promise that you’ll work on yourself first. No cheating. See below to listen to short podcasts and audio samples, and learn what’s included in detail.
Final Week: Get THE BAG FREE ($150 value). Only 17 sets remaining.
Want to finally stop the yelling and lecturing? Get control of yourself with our 30 Days to Calm Program. And we’ll show you how to calm your kids for FREE.
You react when your kids push your buttons and just can’t seem to stop, even though you know you have to. You get on your kids constantly, lecturing and eventually yelling. It merely creates more power struggles and strains your relationships.
Only YOU have the power to create a new family tree and break these patterns so your kids don’t grow up and struggle with the same issues.
Want to learn how to stop reacting? Click here to listen to a practical 9-minute podcast and a preview of one of the 30 action steps.
Want to control your emotions? Click here to listen to this short podcast: “Stop doing so much and get control of your emotions.”
You invest in yourself to finally stop the yelling, lecturing, and power struggles. WE GIVE YOU THE BAG ($150 value) FREE. These are the same CDs that have changed over a hundred thousand families. FREE this week. Click here to learn more about The Bag. See complete descriptions and listen to audio samples below.
You’ve struggled with this for years. It took me 22 therapy sessions and $3,350 to learn these steps. We’ve consolidated this and made it simple, practical, and easy to apply. The regular price of this program is going to be $300. But during this SPECIAL SALE, you get a step-by-step guide to calm for the price of one trip to a therapist: only $150. PLUS you get an additional 9 hours of practical strategies and GET THE BAG FREE ($150 value).
30 Days To Calm: Stop Yelling, Lecturing, & Reacting (1 CD + 1 PDF Workbook + 45-page Q&A)
Kirk provides 30 specific, concrete strategies to:
- Stop the lecturing and yelling for good to create a new family tree.
- Stop reacting when your kids, spouse, and friends push your buttons so you are in control of yourself.
- Break the old patterns that cause you to worry about your kids’ future and feel like you’re not a good enough parent.
- Get control of your time instead of feeling rushed, on edge and anxious. No more drama. No more anxiety.
- Deal with daily pressures of morning rush, traffic, homework, bossy parents, social media, over-scheduling your kids, and more.
You will learn how to control yourself…instead of controlling everyone else. Finally. Includes a downloadable Workbook and 30 action steps (one per day) to break those old patterns.
Bonus: Features a 45-page Q&A with answers to your toughest questions and strategies to overcome your toughest triggers.
THIS WEEK ONLY: GET THE BAG FREE WITH YOUR PURCHASE OF 30 Days to Calm!Â
Get 9 hours of practical strategies and answers to your 100 toughest questions. Listen alone, listen WITH your kids, or have them listen alone. You will learn dozens of very practical, concrete strategies to stop defiance, disrespect, yelling, sibling fights, power struggles over screen time and homework. Plus your kids listen to Casey’s Straight Talk For Kids and learn to control themselves.
Stop Power Struggles with Your Strong-Willed Child (2 CDs, 2 hours). Kirk will show you how to cultivate a deep, trusting relationship with a strong-willed child who:
- Only wants to do things on his terms.
- Doesn’t care about consequences or anything you care about.
- Resists or shut downs when you try to talk to him.
- Would rather suffer and do things the hard way than do what you ask.
- Gets upset quickly over changes in plans.
- Feels different than his siblings and classmates.
- Gets the entire family revolving around his drama.
CD 2 Track 04: You can’t let strong-willed kids walk all over you. But tough discipline should always lead to a closer relationship. Listen how to do this even when your child is defiant.
Straight Talk For Kids (3 CDs, 3 hours)
Kids listen as a teenager (Casey) shows them how to deal with daily disappointment, anger, frustration, peer pressure, siblings, and homework.
- Kids feel understood, confident, motivated, and purposeful.
- Casey teaches kids how to communicate with parents respectfully to earn trust.
- Casey gives dozens of practical tools to handle sibling fights, organizational skills, focus, and social skills.
Discipline That Works: Get Your Kids to Listen the First Time (2 CDs, 2 hours)
Kirk will show you 25 ways to discipline without yelling to stop the fighting, lying, tantrums, whining, complaining and more. Learn to give directions ONE time… NO more repeating things!
- Give directions one time. No more repeating yourself, yelling or bribing!
- Stop lying, hitting, interrupting, tantrums, whining, and complaining.
- Teach kids how to control themselves. A must have in every home.
Listen to a sample track:
If you have any questions or need help selecting the best CD/DVD sets for your family, please call us at 888-506-1871 or email Casey@CelebrateCalm.com. And yes, you will actually speak with us!
Click here to listen to this podcast.
If you want hours and hours of more strategies like this, then take advantage of our SUMMER SALE.
The post NEW! 10 Ways to Stop Meltdowns & Arguing first appeared on Celebrate Calm.]]>Click here to listen to this FREE Podcast.
If you want hours and hours of more strategies like this, then take advantage of our SUMMER SALE.
The post 10 Positive Ways to Improve Behavior & Confidence first appeared on Celebrate Calm.]]>3 Quick Facts
(1) You have a billion times more control over your child’s behavior by controlling your own behavior. Parenting isn’t even really about kids–it’s about parents.
(2) Parents spend thousands of dollars and every waking minute worrying about their child’s behavior–when in most instances, it’s really about YOUR behavior!
(3) The good news is that you cannot control another human being’s behavior, but you have 100% control over your own. Well, that’s assuming you can control yourself. You must.
This summer, take the Calm Challenge. Focus relentlessly on changing yourself and we’ll show you how to calm your kids. So here’s how one everyday Mom just like you, with three kids, put this into action in very practical ways.
SIBLING FIGHTS
“So one day my 7-year-old ran outside to tell on his brother, as usual, but this time I said, ‘Give me two minutes.’“I really did go make myself a bag of popcorn and walked into the room where they were fighting and sat. I said, ‘You all demonstrate great debating and arguing skills, maybe one of you will be a lawyer one day. I am just here to watch but if you want to problem solve IÂ am here to talk about it, when you are ready.’
“What happened then was amazing to me. My four-year-old said, ‘Mommy, I need to roll the thinking ball.’ I complemented him on what a wonderful idea that was and soon the 7-year-old was rolling the ball with us. We worked through the problem while I complimented them on the skills they used to get to a calm place.
“My 10-year-old looked at me and said, ‘Wow, Mom. I like the way you handled that. You didn’t yell, you were just calm and talked to them so they could work it out.’ I am not a crier but I cried.”
I love how this Mom trusted her kids to own this disagreement rather than jumping in to fix it. She trusted her kids to step up and own their issues, while staying engaged and teaching them how.
(Want to learn how to stop reacting and control yourself? Click here to listen to these two short podcasts.)
“My older son has been stealing snacks out of the pantry. I made him a ‘Secret Snack Box.’ I made rules about when and how he can get snacks, and it has given me the opportunity to compliment him on self confidence, self control, critical thinking skills. He has not stolen any snacks in 2 days now AND all the ‘secret snacks’ are still there! I cried, again.
CHORES
“This morning, I gave our boys a list of things I wanted them to finish by 5pm. ‘I am going swimming at 5pm. If you guys are finished, you may go with me.’ Even my strong-willed one was done by 3:30pm. This is a HUGE accomplishment for him. And, well, for myself actually.
“Normally he would be dawdling and I’d repeat, nag, or provoke him. But today I did not nag him. He did the last thing on the list first, which is what you said he would do! That made me laugh (instead of getting angry). Then he did 30 other things I didn’t ask him to do and played in between–just as you said!
“But I controlled myself instead of controlling him. I caught myself several times jumping up to remind him or say something, but I didn’t. I simply set timers and confidently did what I said I would–and I’ve never seen them move so fast.
“I feel like for the first time in a long time I am building, teaching and understanding. It is working and I have cried like a baby every day for the last 6 days.”
This isn’t even really about the kids–it’s all about the Mom’s attitude and confidence. Are you ready to cry happy tears for once, to feel confident, like you know exactly what to do and say? Are you ready to change yourself?
YOUR strong-willed child will NOT change until you change. Are you ready to change like this Mom? Focus on changing yourself instead of your child and spouse? If you are, then I will give you OUR 3 MOST POPULAR PROGRAM ($297 value) FREE as well. But you have to promise that you’ll work on yourself first. No cheating.
Summer Sale: Get Our 3 Most Popular Programs ($297 value) FREE. (Only 19 sets remaining)
Want to finally stop the yelling and lecturing? Get control of yourself with our 30 Days to Calm Program. And we’ll show you how to calm your kids for FREE.
You react when your kids push your buttons and just can’t seem to stop, even though you know you have to. You get on your kids constantly, lecturing and eventually yelling. It merely creates more power struggles and strains your relationships.
Only YOU have the power to create a new family tree and break these patterns so your kids don’t grow up and struggle with the same issues.
Want to learn how to stop reacting? Click here to listen to a practical 9-minute podcast and a preview of one of the 30 action steps.
Want to control your emotions? Click here to listen to this short podcast: “Stop doing so much and get control of your emotions.”
You invest in yourself to finally stop the yelling, lecturing, and power struggles. YOU GET OUR 3 MOST POPULAR PROGRAMS ($297 value) FREE. These are the same CDs that have changed over a hundred thousand families:
(1) Enjoy Your Strong-Willed Child: Stop Power Struggles from Morning to Midnight
(2) Discipline That Works: Get Kids to Listen the First Time
(3) Casey’s Straight Talk for Kids: Get the Power & Freedom You Want
See below for complete descriptions and audio samples of these three programs.
*Available this summer only as Instant Downloads so you can listen ASAP, without shipping costs, while traveling, on your Smartphone, computer, tablet or other devices.
You’ve struggled with this for years. It took me 22 therapy sessions and $3,350 to learn these steps. We’ve consolidated this and made it simple, practical, and easy to apply. The regular price of this program is going to be $300. But during this SPECIAL SUMMER SALE, you get a step-by-step guide to calm for the price of one trip to the therapist: only $150. PLUS you get an additional 9 hours of practical strategies and GET OUR 3 MOST POPULAR PROGRAMS FREE ($297 value).
30 Days To Calm: Stop Yelling, Lecturing, & Reacting (1 CD + 1 PDF Workbook + 45-page Q&A)
This is the same exact process Kirk used to change and become the Calm Guy. He provides 30 specific, concrete strategies to:
- Stop the lecturing and yelling for good to create a new family tree.
- Stop reacting when your kids, spouse, and friends push your buttons so you are in control of yourself.
- Break the old patterns that cause you to worry about your kids’ future and feel like you’re not a good enough parent.
- Get control of your time instead of feeling rushed, on edge and anxious. No more drama. No more anxiety.
- Deal with daily pressures of morning rush, traffic, homework, bossy parents, social media, over-scheduling your kids, and more.
You will learn how to control yourself…instead of controlling everyone else. Finally. Includes a downloadable Workbook and 30 action steps (one per day) to break those old patterns.
Bonus: Features a 45-page Q&A with answers to your toughest questions and strategies to overcome your toughest triggers.
SUMMER SALE: GET 3 PROGRAMS FREE with your purchase of 30 Days to Calm!Â
Get 9 hours of practical strategies and answers to your 100 toughest questions. Listen alone, listen WITH your kids, or have them listen alone. You will learn dozens of very practical, concrete strategies to stop defiance, disrespect, yelling, sibling fights, power struggles over screen time and homework. Plus your kids listen to Casey’s Straight Talk For Kids and learn to control themselves.
Stop Power Struggles with Your Strong-Willed Child (2 CDs, 2 hours). Kirk will show you how to cultivate a deep, trusting relationship with a strong-willed child who:
- Only wants to do things on his terms.
- Doesn’t care about consequences or anything you care about.
- Resists or shut downs when you try to talk to him.
- Would rather suffer and do things the hard way than do what you ask.
- Gets upset quickly over changes in plans.
- Feels different than his siblings and classmates.
- Gets the entire family revolving around his drama.
CD 2 Track 04: You can’t let strong-willed kids walk all over you. But tough discipline should always lead to a closer relationship. Listen how to do this even when your child is defiant.
Straight Talk For Kids (3 CDs, 3 hours)
Kids listen as a teenager (Casey) shows them how to deal with daily disappointment, anger, frustration, peer pressure, siblings, and homework.
- Kids feel understood, confident, motivated, and purposeful.
- Casey teaches kids how to communicate with parents respectfully to earn trust.
- Casey gives dozens of practical tools to handle sibling fights, organizational skills, focus, and social skills.
Discipline That Works: Get Your Kids to Listen the First Time (2 CDs, 2 hours)
Kirk will show you 25 ways to discipline without yelling to stop the fighting, lying, tantrums, whining, complaining and more. Learn to give directions ONE time… NO more repeating things!
- Give directions one time. No more repeating yourself, yelling or bribing!
- Stop lying, hitting, interrupting, tantrums, whining, and complaining.
- Teach kids how to control themselves. A must have in every home.
Listen to a sample track:
If you have any questions or need help selecting the best CD/DVD sets for your family, please call us at 888-506-1871 or email Casey@CelebrateCalm.com. And yes, you will actually speak with us!
This is a huge insight for you. As much as these kids appear to be defiant and disrespectful, the two words I’d use to describe them are frustrated and ashamed.
Please let that sink in. Meditate on that for a moment. For years now, you may have been assuming you just had an obstinate, defiant, strong-willed child who makes everything difficult. And outwardly speaking, that’s probably accurate. But if you really want to change this, you have to get to the root. If you were God and could read what’s smeared all over their hearts, it’s frustration and shame.
They know they don’t fit in. They know they are different. But they feel misunderstood (rightly so), like everyone assumes they are bad on purpose. They beat themselves up more than you know. You’ll even hear them mutter, “I’m so stupid.” Is it any wonder they develop a hard shell that pushes people away?
Instead of shaming the child with, “How many times do I have to tell you?” or “What were you thinking?” you come alongside and say quietly, “I know that you know what you did was wrong. I’m not surprised or upset at you. My assumption is you don’t want to be in trouble all the time. So if you want to come outside and kick the soccer ball around, I’ll show you three different ways to make a better choice next time. Why don’t we rewind that situation and practice doing it differently?”
See, now I am SHOWING and giving the child tools. It’s moving from thinking, “He’s just an insolent little jerk who wants to make my life miserable” to “He’s overwhelmed, frustrated and ashamed. I’ll come alongside and help.”
Now you’ve assumed the best about your child’s intentions, demonstrated that you’re a safe place to come with problems, and equipped your child with tools so they don’t keep making the same mistake. Always think, “What tool can I give my child to help with focus, impulse control, social skills, etc.?
I want to be the trusted parent who shows my kids how to be successful instead of the yelling, nagging parent who’s always pointing out what’s wrong.  Do you want to be that parent? Then take three concrete steps.
(1) Control yourself. If you cannot control your own tongue and anxiety, how will your kids learn to do this? Spend the next 30 days learning how to finally calm those inner voices that tell you you’re a bad parent, that you’re not doing enough, that you need to lecture all the time.
Want to stop reacting and learn how to control your emotions?
Click here to listen to two short podcasts to learn how.
(2) Help your kids learn how to control themselves. When they listen to my son, Casey, share his story and how he learned how to control his impulses and emotions, it will make a difference in their lives. Show your kids how to put out the emotional fire and calm down-it’s a huge gift! And it’s FREE this week.
(3) Show your kids how to be successful. Give them tools. In the Discipline CDs (FREE this week), you’ll learn how to give tools instead of consequences for 30 tough behavior issues. THAT will change behavior.
Click here to learn about our SUMMER SPECIAL.
For the first time ever, you get OUR 3 MOST POPULAR PROGRAMS ($297 value) FREE when you learn how to finally calm yourself down. Within a few weeks, you will be different and so will your kids.
Need help? It’s easy. Email Emily@CelebrateCalm.com or call 888.506.1871 and we’ll help you ASAP.
The post Defiance or frustration? 3 steps to change it. first appeared on Celebrate Calm.]]>
If you want hours and hours of more strategies like this, then take advantage of our SUMMER SALE.