Welcome back to Friday I’m In Love! Like most weeks since early March, we’ve seen a lot of ups and downs in the last few days. Here are some of the things happening around the internet and the world that have made it a little easier to deal with the harder moments.

Around the Internet

-On Wednesday Angelica and I had the pleasure of interviewing West End stage actor Michelle Chantelle Hopewell. I’ve been a fan of her talent, content, and community for quite some time so it was amazing to get to char with her.

-Keiko Lynn is basically a detective.

-Plant based nutritionist Sara Bond dislikes vegans and as a vegan, I agree.

-Disney+ announced that they are developing Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson book series into a live action television series. I hope they do Magnus Chase next!

-Listen to Daniel Radcliffe, Eddie Redmayne, Noma Dumezweni, and others read Harry Potter and the Philosoper’s Stone.

-How to stay virtually connected on your own terms.

At Home

-John and I are currently binge watching Dead to Me. How did I not know how amazing this show is?

-I’m currently reading the Two Lives of Lydia Bird by Josie Silver. The December before last I read her last book and absolutely loved it so I’m excited to dig into this one over the weekend.

-I’m listening to Pencil Full of Lead by Paolo Nutini because it’s incredibly hard not to feel happy when it’s playing.

-I’m eating according to my meal plan from my nutritionist but you can sign up for her newsletter or follow her on instargram for delicious recipe ideas.

-I’m looking forward to Hamilton on Disney+! July 3rd is going to be lit!

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2015: Brave

2016: Passion

2017: Confidence

2018: Explore

2019: Simplicity

I thought long and hard about what I wanted to focus on in 2020. I’m feeling more balanced and well rested than I have in a long time. I’m going to take advantage of that by making sure to fill my year with some goals I wasn’t quite up for last year. So without further ado, my word of the year is…

Consistency!

I struggled immensely with consistency last year, especially when dealing with depression. Throughout my life I’ve struggled with consistency because I used to be a perfectionist. I was of the mindset that if I couldn’t do something perfectly, I shouldn’t do it all. Now I know that you don’t have to be perfect at something to still find value in it. Not only that, but consistency usually insures that you will be better at it. So this year I’m trying to be more consistent with everything I love. From healthy eating and moving my body to coffee dates with friends and reading. I’ll be practicing consistency in every area of my life, which should lead to increased overall balance and a more mentally healthy year than the previous one.

1. Autumn Craft Day
2. Carve Pumpkins
3. Fall Playlist
4. Make Hair Wreaths
5. Visit a Fall Festival
6. Visit a Pumpkin Patch
7. Go Hiking
8. Make a Pie
9. Have Hot Butterbeer in Hogesmeade
10. Make Smores
11. Host a Scary Movie Night
12. Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party
13. Host Halloween Dinner

Hunger | Roxane Gay   ★★★★★

This is actually the first book I have ever read by Roxane Gay. Pretty surprising, right? Yeah, I really dropped the ball because she is AMAZING. I have read some of her articles and essays in the past but never one of her books. This one was so powerful that as soon as I finished it, I picked up the rest of her books to read immediately. Roxane Gay tackles issues head on with intense honesty and vulnerability. This memoir is fantastic but have your tissues ready.

Freedom is a Constant Struggle | Angela Davis   ★★★★

Angela Davis has a way of taking complex issues and breaking them down into layman’s terms. If you are trying to explain liberal issues to people who just don’t seem to understand, hand them this book. This book contains essays and speeches from Angela Davis so it may feel repetitive if you are already very familiar with her work but nevertheless, it’s fantastic and definitely worth a read.

The Mother of Black Hollywood | Jenifer Lewis   ★★★★★

I’ve read a lot of memoirs by comedians and actors lately but this is one of my favorites. About 70% of recent memoirs that I have read or read about have been written by people that are really young. That doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t have anything to say. In fact, Tiffany Haddish’s memoir gave me tons of insight into parts of her life I knew nothing about. It kept me both laughing and crying. But in general, I love a memoir from someone who has been around a bit. A mature person if you will. Jenifer Lewis’ has LIVED. She has seen decades of drama in Hollywood, starred on the stage and the screen, dealt with endless family drama, and handled a mental illness before most people would even dare to discuss mental health. So many of us have grown up watching her on screen but haven’t had a chance to actually get to know the real Jenifer Lewis. I highly recommend picking this book up and following it up with the audiobook version that Jenifer reads herself.

My Grandfather Would Have Shot Me | Jennifer Teege   ★★★

This was a very interesting read. While I’ve read many books about the Holocaust and what survivors have dealt with afterwards, I’ve never read a book by someone who is the grandchild of a Nazi. Even more interesting, she didn’t find out this information until she was an adult with a family of her own. I had a hard time reading about the way the author spoke about her adoptive family. After learning more details about her biological nazi grandfather, her biological grandmother, and her biological mother, she stopped calling her parents who raise her mom and dad. Despite them always being open about the adoption, it seems like she resents them for some reason. I can’t pretend to know what it is like to be adopted but the way she started treating her parents during her journey to discovering her biological family’s terrible past was somewhat upsetting. Outside of her family issues, there is a lot of insightful (albeit horrible) information about her grandfather, Amon Goth and his time spent as a war criminal.

Hidden Figures | Margot Lee Shetterly   ★★★

I wanted to love this book. I really tried. In the end though, I was disappointed. Seeing the movie first gave me incredibly high expectations. The reality is that the screenplay and the book were written incredibly differently. The book reads more like a textbook but it’s incredibly organized. You don’t get to read any dialogue between people which was a letdown. While you learn a lot of facts about the women involved as well as NASA in general, you don’t feel like you actually get a sense of who they are the way you do in the movie. Ultimately, the issue is that they are just two completely different experiences and I went into this book expecting something different.

Bad Feminist | Roxane Gay   ★★★★★

Bad Feminist is a book that everyone should read. I’m honestly embarrassed that it took me so long to actually read it. Roxane Gay writes essays so effortlessly that you feel as if she is sitting next to you and talking to you. This book explores modern feminism through honest musings and reminds that us there’s more than one way to be a feminist.

Black Panther: A Nation Under Our Feet Book 1-3 | Ta-Nehisi Coates   ★★★★★

I read all three of these before heading into the Black Panther movie. I’m a Ta-Nehisi Coates fan so I was really excited to read his work in this format. I’ve been a fan of comics since I was young so the combination of a Marvel comic book and one of my favorite writers was pretty exciting. I love the story arcs in this series and like the movie, there are so many strong female characters involved. If you enjoyed the movie, enjoy comics, or love Ta-Nehisi Coates, pick these up immediately!

Difficult Women | Roxane Gay   ★★★★★

Wow. There are stories in Difficult Women that are difficult to read. Not because they are not beautifully written (they are) but because they are heartbreaking. Some of these stories will rock you to your core. All of these stories are incredibly compelling and important.

Mom & Me & Mom | Maya Angelou   ★★★★★

Maya Angelou has always been an important force in my life. Her writing never disappoints. This book explores her complex relationship with her mother. Like many mother daughter relationships, Maya and Vivian had a complicated one that evolved over time. Maya’s mother was a force, just as she was. It is incredibly insightful to get a chance to better know the women who gave birth to one of my personal heroes. Maya’s writing is like a hot cup of tea and a warm hug on a cold winter day. I’ll never tire of it.

Well folks, we are almost to the end of March so expect another Well Read post soon! In the mean time, you can head to my instagram to see what I am currently reading. I’m focusing on female authors for the month of March and I can’t wait to share all of the amazing books I’ve been reading with you!

Yesterday I went to an early screening of Black Panther. I’ve never walked out of a movie theater feeling so empowered. I walked out with a confidence I haven’t experienced in a while. After the movie ended, I went on social media to see the responses of friends who were going to see the movie early as well. I loved witnessing the black joy on my feeds and in my inbox. Every black friend who saw the movie in various theaters around the country all had the same reaction; they felt inspired, incredible, powerful, and strong.

Although black people have less chances to land roles in Hollywood, we still are out there giving amazing performances. From Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer to Denzel Washington and Morgan Freeman, black actors are giving amazing performances on movie and t.v. screens. Unfortunately, black actors are often seen as side kicks, there to move along the narrative of the white lead. When a movie has a large black cast, the topic usually involves slavery or the civil rights movement. While, these are incredibly important topics that we need to continue to reflect on, they don’t represent everything that black people have to offer when it comes to the box office.

White people are able to see themselves in a variety of roles in any medium. Want to see a movie about a kickass white woman assassin? Have your pick. Interested in a movie where a white man plays a doctor or a lawyer? There are plenty. Want to see white people falling in love? That’s not hard to find. Looking for white superheroes? They are almost all white. While we’ve had Falcon and War Machine show up in past Marvel movies, both characters have played side kicks to Captain America and Iron Man. T’Challa plays side kick to no one.

In fact, this movie doesn’t really have any sidekicks at all. Everyone has a goal and everyone does what they need to do to reach it, whether T’Challa is involved or not. Shuri, Okoye, and Nakia are all main characters who are multi-layered. There is no “sassy black friend” in sight. These women are all strong, smart, and superheroes in their own right. My favorite thing about the women in this movie is that they don’t even need superpowers to save the day.

For the first time ever, black people are going to be able to see themselves reflected in film the way that we deserve to. Movie posters and previews alone were making black people feel confident, happy, and proud. Now that we have two hours and fifteen minutes of black excellence playing out on screen, the positive effects will be plenty. Many people will get the chance to see themselves represented for the first time on a movie screen. Many people will feel as if the screen is a mirror that shows the excellence that they are capable of. I don’t want to give away any of the amazing moments in the movie but there is one moment in particular that made me feel incredibly proud to be a black woman. Because of that moment, I left the movie theater feeling invincible. It helped me remember the power that has always been inside of me.

I hope Black Panther has many sequels. I hope that the box office success of this movie will lead to more movies that feature black actors in more roles than maids, slaves, and sassy black friends. I hope this inspires more black creatives to continue working on their art and keep pushing to get their projects green lighted. Representation matters which is why I believe it has been so hard for us to get proper representation. Black people being properly represented to ourselves and others is another step towards dismantling white supremacy. I can only imagine how far we will go in the coming years if art and entertainment continue to make us feel this empowered.

When a plant is growing it needs to be nourished, it needs sunlight, it needs time, and it needs space. As humans, we are no different. We need to be nourished with the right food and given the time to fully see the results of balanced nutrition. We need to spend time outside in the sun, with nature. We need time and space to explore different ways to grow and improve. Rome wasn’t built in a day is a cliche, but it’s true. You need time and space to create a masterpiece.

If you want to be the best version of yourself, you need to give yourself the space to explore what that even means for you. At the end of the day, you decide what makes you the best version of yourself. Tune out the overwhelming messages about self improvement and focus on what is important to you. Where do you want to improve? Who do you want to be? What steps do you need to take to become that elevated version of yourself?

The beginning of the year is a great time to refocus your goals, set new ones, and focus on self improvement. Just remember that self improvement isn’t a race and no one is boxing you in when it comes to what you can accomplish. Give yourself the time and space you need and there will be no limits to how far you will grow.

My cousin crocheted a pink pussy hat for me. I tried to learn how to crochet but it proved to be more challenging and less relaxing than I anticipated. With the march only a week and a half away, it seemed like a better option to accept defeat and have her make one for me. At first, it didn’t dawn on me that the pussyhats were pink because they represent white vaginas. It’s an easy conclusion to draw but I’m black and assumed pink was chosen because it is often associated with femininity. Three minutes at the Women’s March and I understood otherwise…vagina was the star of this show.

More women than I had ever seen in my entire life paraded posters throughout the march that featured ovaries, uterus, and vaginas. Women in all of the art I saw, whether clothed or otherwise, were white. At first I carried my pink pussyhat not wanting to wear it and deal with the aftermath of my curly tresses. But the deeper I went into the rally, the more the idea of putting it on just didn’t feel quite right.

There was a lot to process at the march. It was without a doubt one of the most memorable experiences of my life and I’m so thankful that I was able to be there. It also was an opportunity for me to witness first hand what needs to be worked on to make this space more inclusive.

Empowering people with vaginas is great but do we need the symbol of an equality movement to be a pink pussy hat? Not all women have vaginas, uteruses, or ovaries and not all pussies are pink. I understand the pussy hat originally serving as a response the Nacho Nazi’s “grab them by the pussy” comment but it doesn’t need to represent the entire movement. I also understand how important it is to normalize vaginas and stop acting as if they are this complex mystery, only really here to serve men. However, I believe we can still educate people on the female reproductive system and stand up for our rights without centering the entire movement around the pink pussyhat. The march and feminism as a whole is about so much more than white vaginas.

I’ve heard suggestions of creating new hats that are various shades of pinks and browns. While this takes a step towards being inclusive of women of color, it is still completely isolating to trans people. Both trans women and femme people belong in this movement as much as anyone else. Statistics show that trans people need a safe space more than anyone else as they are killed in higher numbers than any other group of people. Sometimes trans women and femme people have vaginas and sometimes they do not. Either way it is none of our business to know but completely our business to include them in our feminism.

Not everyone was at the Women’s March for the reasons I was. Not everyone wants equality for all women. Some women are happy to just find equality for themselves, bridging the pay gap and getting the healthcare they deserve, and then leaving other groups of marginalized women to fend for themselves after receiving their help. They are not concerned with police brutality or bathroom bills. This certainly isn’t the case for all white woman and I would say that more white women are trying to practice intersectional feminism than those who are complicit with white supremacy. With that being said, it’s incredibly important to check our privilege constantly and continue evolving. Wanting to practice intersectional feminism isn’t the same as actually practicing it.

At the time, maybe you didn’t realize why the pussyhats were pink. Maybe you want to be an ally for LGBTQ* but you failed to remember that not all women have the same parts as you. Now you know, so now it’s time to do better. Let’s create a feminism movement that is intersectional, inclusive, and intentional. Let’s think before we speak, act, or create so we can evaluate whether what we are adding to the conversation around feminism is truly intersectional. Put down your pussyhat, pick up a stack of books on feminism and a willingness to learn from others, and let’s get to work!

With movements like #TimesUp gaining steam, one would think that equality for all women would be first on the agenda. Sadly, I have seen more people posting and retweeting images and videos from this year’s Women’s March than I have seen support for the actual individual causes that the march is supposed to support, especially if those movements involve people of color.

Over the past few weeks, there has been outrage over white female actors like Michelle Williams not being paid as much as their co-stars (in this case Mark Wahlberg). This outrage is deserved as Michelle Williams can act circles around Mark Wahlburg and the pay discrepancy was astronomical. (Wahlburg also has a history of racial violence so I don’t know what business he has starring in movies to begin with.) However, the same outrage hasn’t been extended to black female actors like Taraji P. Henson, Wanda Sykes, and Monique. While my timeline was full of support from black woman for Tracee Ellis Ross when she was renegotiating her contract for a higher salary, I didn’t hear anything from white woman.

This seems to be a common theme in Hollywood, on my timeline, and in the world. When a problem is a white women problem, it is a problem for all women but when a problem is a woman of color problem, we are left to handle it without support. And why should I be surprised? After all, 54% of white woman voted for the Nacho Nazi and many women who didn’t are still afraid to talk to their family and friends who support him.

I understand that women who benefit from white supremacy are still fighting an uphill battle against misogyny. I also understand that some of the issues that people of color deal with daily may be out of sight and out of mind for them. However, once you know better, you do better, and claiming ignorance in the age of quick and constant information is not acceptable. I’m sure that speaking with your racist uncle about his use of the n-word over a family dinner isn’t pleasant. You know what else isn’t pleasant? Being called the n-word. It can’t be enjoyable to explain to your older white mother the realities of misogynoir. Do you know what’s even worse? Dealing with the realities as a woman of color because of the uninformed votes your mother keeps casting. Ignoring your old friend from high school’s inappropriate remarks over brunch might be easier than confronting her. You know what’s not easy? Rebecca dropping your resume into the trash without reading it because your name is LaShonda and she assumes you are not capable.

I spoke to many white women before the election who confessed that they had multiple people in their life that they could take the time to try to educate but they chose not to because it would be difficult, uncomfortable, or create family drama. Meanwhile, people who look like me can be stopped and killed at a traffic light.

Silence is no longer acceptable. Silence, when you have privilege, is violence.

When you walk into a room, if everyone looks like you, ask yourself why other types of people are not in that room. Were other types of people invited? Did they feel as if they would be safe and welcomed if they showed up? When I enter a new space, I ask myself if trans people would be comfortable and accepted in that space. If not, I need to create a new space where they are celebrated. We all have a certain amount of privilege and it is the job of the privileged to create an even playing field. If you consider yourself a feminist and you truly want equality for all people, getting rid of privilege should be high on your agenda. The more privileged you are, the more work you should be doing. Only when white privilege is eradicated will we have true equality among all people.