Many instances of abuse are accompanied by or followed by an assertion of love. Abusers are controllers, not lovers. Abuse is a message of control and dominance, never a message of love.

Make no mistake: abuse is about control, not love.

What Does Abuse Look Like?

It is that old “I love you but…” routine and “This is only for your own good” that make the abused person feel confused or even crazy. Emotional abuse is frequently used to break down the victim’s will and bring her or him under control.

It may be difficult to understand that  the abuser’s actions are a disguise for abuse. In fact, you may not be able to find a word for it.

Abuse in a relationship is about a pattern of behavior that one person uses against another to intimidate them and to get them to do what they want. It is about dominance.

Emotional Versus Physical Abuse

Abuse doesn’t necessarily have to involve physical contact. Not all abuse leaves scars and bruises. Emotional abuse does not have any direct visible signs, making it difficult to prove the abuse it happening or to even admit that it is.

Emotional abuse is any speech or behavior that is used to control, punish or manipulate. It can also include withholding love, support or money. These are all methods or control in order to maintain power.

Emotional abuse can make you feel:

• frightened
• controlled
• isolated
• shamed
• guilty
• criticized
• humiliated
• neglected
• codependent

Has This Happened to You?

“Darling, I-love-you-but…” If and when it does, remember that it is a control issue, not a love issue.

Another ploy of the verbal abuser is the “No one will ever love you but me” or “No one could possibly ever love you as much as I do.” This is actually a put-down to gain power.

You might be confused about whether what’s happening to you, but remember that what is happening to you is abuse. The abuser will probably try to convince you that his/her jealous or possessive actions are because they love you. This kind of behavior isn’t about love; it’s all about control and dominance.

What To Do If You Are Being Abused

If you think that maybe you are being abused, you probably are. Trust your instincts!

Any instance of physical abuse should be dealt with through proper authorities. Never hesitate to call 911 if your partner inflicts physical pain upon you. If you are hesitate, or scared, to call the police, there are 24 hour resources available to help:

• The National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 800-799-7233 is a number you can call in the United States. They will reach out and help with service providers and shelters.
• In Canada, there are many crisis hotlines you can contact depending on where you live.

Apart from reaching out for help, there are things you can do for yourself if you are in an abusive situation:

• Understand that it is not your fault! And it’s not your responsibility – you are not responsible for fixing your abuser or helping them to stop the abusive behavior.
• Set personal boundaries. Make the decision that you will not respond to the abuse and maintain distance from the abuser.
• Give yourself time to heal. Abuse is a traumatic experience and, if not processed properly, could lead to another abusive relationship. Seek support from family, friends and medical professionals.

The post Abuse: Control or Love? appeared first on CyberParent.

How would you guys like to don a dress and then ride a donkey backwards down the main street of your town? Everyone could line the street snickering and making fun of you.

I doubt if you would even consider it.

Male abuse by women? Why not? We accept the “hen-pecked man.” This passive man, abused by his wife, has been the brunt of jokes and cartoons forever.

Yet, in medieval France, a man who had been physically abused by his wife was forced to do this so everyone could see how weak he was.

Male abuse by women: is it real?

We probably all accept the fact that both men and women can be the victim of emotional abuse. The “hen-pecked” man abused by his wife has been the brunt of jokes and cartoons forever.

Physical abuse is another story. In our society we think of women as the victims and men as the aggressors in physical abuse. This is largely due to the fact that, statistically, more women are abused than men. However, this is no reason to ignore the occurrence of male abuse.

While it may seem logical to focus on the larger population of victims, this is an unfair approach too all those who have been abused.

When a man is abused, he suffers not only the physical or psychological pain of the abuse but also the struggle of having their story believed. Men are also placed in a precarious position because, if they attempt to defend themselves against a woman, they are seen as a batterer.

A 1997 survey conducted among dating couples showed almost 30% of women admitting that they had used some form of physical aggression against their male partners within the dating cycle.

If this is still a hard pill to swallow, think about the recent #MeToo movement targeting sexual assault and abuse in the film industry. Not all the victims who came forward were female. Many male actors admitted being victims of this abuse.

So, why is this the case?

It is believed that the following 5 factors come into play with male abuse:

1. Less men report abuse. They are ashamed to report being abused by women.

2. Health care and law enforcement professionals are more likely to accept alternative explanations of abuse from a man. They will believe other reasons for the presence of bruises and other signs of injury.

3. Our justice system sometimes takes the word of the woman above the word of the man in abuse cases. It is just more believable that the aggressor was the man, not the woman.

4. Men will tolerate more pain than women. They are more likely to “grin and bear it.” And again, many are ashamed to seek medical help for abuse.

5. Unless a woman uses a weapon (and many do), a woman usually does not have the strength of a man to inflict serious injury by abuse.

Additional information about abuse or being abused:

Abused men can reach out to the following organizations for help:

• U.S. and Canada: 1-800-799-7233 – The National Domestic Violence Hotline
• UK: 01823 334244 – ManKind Initiative
• Ireland: 046 902 3710 – AMEN
• Australia: One in Three Campaign offers a number of crisis hotlines
• In other countries: Visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a list of hotlines in your area.

If you’re a gay man who’s being abused, you can also find support and advice from the following organizations:

• U.S.: 1-800-832-1901 – Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project
• UK: 0800 999 5428 – Galop

The post Men and Physical Abuse by Spouses or Girlfriends appeared first on CyberParent.

Males and females can be abused and abusers. Women and men can be verbal abusers. The following recurring thoughts indicate you are being mentally or emotionally abused by your spouse or lover.

“Sandy has no right to do that.”

“I had better not tell Harry or he will be mad again.”

“I’d better keep this private to avoid being criticized again.”

“I can never do anything right with Chris.”

“I can’t stand it when Erin does that to me.”

“Sometimes I think Natalie is tearing me apart with her mouth.”

“Bob is always so sarcastic.”

“When Pat talks to me like that I feel really small.”

Mental, Emotional and Psychological Abuse Targets Self-Esteem

All abuse takes a toll on self-esteem. The abused person starts feeling helpless and possibly even hopeless. In addition, most emotional abusers are adept at convincing the victim that the abuse is his/her fault. Somehow, the victim is responsible for what happened.

Emotional abuse can take the form of:

• Extramarital affairs
• Provocative behavior with opposite sex
• Humiliation and put-downs
• Hyper-criticism
• Refusal to communicate
• Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice
• Unreasonable jealousy
• Extreme moodiness
• “I love you but…”
• “If you don’t shape up, I will…”
• Domination and control
• Withdrawal of affection

A common form of emotional abuse is “I love you, but…” That sounds so sweet, yet it is both a disguised criticism and a threat. It indicates, “I love you now, but if you don’t stop such-and such, that love is of short duration.” It is a constant put-down that works on your self-esteem.

And mental abuse often has some threat involved such as, “If you don’t shape up, I will…”

“If you leave me, I’ll go off without a trace. You and the kids will never find me and never get a penny from me.”

Mental abuse is a blow of death to your self-esteem. Often the first step in leaving the abuse is obtaining counseling to rebuild that esteem.

One Reader’s Story:

I’ve recently realized that my husband of eight years is verbally abusive with me. My self-esteem is so low. I hurt so badly inside. I honestly believe that at least with physical abuse, there’s something concrete to show an outsider. How do I extract my broken will and damaged psyche and show anyone how I feel?

This morning I was told I could never disagree with him. That indeed our eight years of fighting was my fault, as I am not as submissive as The Bible instructs women to be. That if we were in a Middle Eastern country, he would sell me.

I have financially supported this man for eight years while he worked on his music “career”. I have given up many, many things so that he could pursue his dream. I’ve been so mentally broken that I don’t even remember what my dreams used to be. I feel more worthless every day, when it comes to him.

Honestly, I don’t ever see him looking at himself as abusive. How do I gather the courage to leave, when I don’t want to?

The post “I love you, but…” – Understanding Mental, Emotional and Psychological Abuse appeared first on CyberParent.

What is Bullying?

Bullying comes in many forms, from physical abuse to verbal insults.

Verbally, bullying can be name-calling, gossip, threats or teasing. It may be the hardest form to prove since there is no physical evidence of it occurring – with the exception of cyber-bullying which happens online. While playful name-calling and teasing can be benign, the line is crossed when the victim feels anxious, stressed or scared as a result of it.

Physical bullying encompasses both abuse of a person and abuse of property. This includes hitting, punching, pushing or damaging personal property.

Mental bullying can also occur both in person and online, and includes actions such as exclusion, rumor-spreading and ignoring. Again, harder to prove but still as detrimental as other forms of bullying.

Signs That Your Child is Being Bullied

The one thing that divides harmful treatment and playful teasing is how the victim is affected. If your child is being bullied you may notice physical symptoms such as frequent crying, complaints of stomach-aches and headaches with no apparent cause and weight loss.

Emotionally, your child may show increased withdrawal from friends and activities, a sudden drop in grades, a resistance to attending school and/or negative self-talk.

What Can You Teach Your Child About Bullying?

Childhood is a confusing time for our little ones since they are not only growing physically into their bodies but dealing with emotional development as well. They may not even recognize that they are being bullied and are likely unable to cope with the situation when it happens.

Take the time to teach your child the following skills to use if being bullied by a peer or classmate:

1. Leave the situation before it gets worse.There is so much power in being able to walk away. So often our children, and us adults as well, feel that innate need to stand our ground and defend ourselves. The truth is, there’s nothing our children need to prove to bullies. The best thing your child can do is simply walk away. If that is not possible, they need to learn how to deliver neutral statements.
2. Respond vaguely to the bully with a neutral tone and statement.Bullies seek intimidation and reaction, so if your child is expressing fear or becoming angry with the bully, the bully is getting what they want. Teach your child to use neutral statements such as “whatever” or “maybe” to eliminate the reaction the bully is looking for. Hopefully, the bully will realize they are not getting what they want and cease the behaviour.
3. Practice your responses.The more your child practices these responses, the more natural they will come if they are needed. Role-play different bullying situations with your child and have them practice neutral statements. This way, they won’t get tripped up and give in to that fear or anger when it does happen.
4. Ask for help.No child should have to deal with a bully alone. Discuss with your child any teachers or staff at their school that they are comfortable talking to and have them go to these individuals if there is a bullying issue. Be supportive of your child and never judge them when they disclose to you – make sure you keep that line of communication open and healthy.

What Can You Do As a Parent?

Like I mentioned above, listening to your child is so important. If you judge them or make them feel doubtful about their situation, they may not come to you the next time it happens. Just by listening you are not only gathering information about the situation but helping to empower your child as well.

Let your child know you appreciate them coming to you and praise any appropriate behaviours they exhibit toward the bully. Never shame them for making mistakes or dealing with the situation inappropriately. They are learning and you are there to help them.

Notify someone at the school of the situation and be sure to check in with them on a regular basis. Schools have very strict anti-bullying policies and are responsible for helping to cease the bullying behaviour.

Lastly, if all else fails, contact the bully’s parent. Approach the situation from a place of helping and understanding – the bully’s parents may have no idea that their child is bullying another child. Never be accusatory and try to work with the parents to find a solution to the issue.

The post Signs That Your Child is Being Bullied & How to Deal with Bullies appeared first on CyberParent.

Abuse: Many men are verbally cruel and abusive. The verbal abuse of others is more subtle to the point that some women do not even recognize that they are being verbally abused.

Although verbal abuse does not leave black eyes or visible bruises, it is often more seriously damaging to your self-image. Verbal abuse is cruel and scars your soul.

Many verbal abusers are delightful, charming men in public. They treat their spouse or girlfriend with such respect that people often think they are the “perfect couple.” They save their abuse and cruelty for a private audience of one.

Many women never discuss verbal abuse. Indeed, some do not even recognize that they are being verbally abused.

Often a verbal abuser is quite sensitive to outsiders finding out about the abuse and is very careful to save these scenes for the home environment only. Many verbal abusers are delightful, charming men in public. They treat their spouse or girlfriend with such respect that people often think they are the “perfect couple.” They save their cruelty for a private audience of one.

Why do intelligent, warm women permit verbal abuse from boyfriends and later from spouses?

During the courtship period, everyone is on their best behavior. The verbal abuse is slight and incidences are probably few and far between. Since women want to believe the best of their lovers, they overlook obvious verbal abuse. Chemistry adds to the capability women have to overlook the first subtle signs of abuse.

Then they marry or move in together.

Verbal Abuse Destroys Confidence

One of the most devastating effects of living with a verbal abuser is the change in self-esteem. As women begin to internalize the criticism and believe it’s valid, self-image sinks lower and lower. They start feeling worthless, incompetent and unlovable. After all, when someone who knows them so well thinks they are so worthless and unlovable, then “it must be true.”

Sticks and stones – and that saying of old keeps many women in place until verbal abuse has destroyed self-esteem, making leaving even harder. They even start thinking that if this man loves them, they should hold on to him.

Verbal abuse escalates. Verbal abuse can, and sometimes does, turn physical.

The fact that verbal abusers are quite often charming people adds to the confusion.

The abuser can turn on the charm with the woman he is abusing, making her doubt her instincts.

If the woman does challenge the abuser, he might turn on the charm and even make her doubt her instincts. This lowers her self-confidence even further.

Other abusers have stock answers when challenged. He might answer with:

“What’s wrong with you, making such a big deal out of nothing.”

“Come on, honey, I was drunk …..”

“Honey, I love you but sometimes you…”

“I had a bad day at work …”

“You’re not really going to bring this up again, are you? This is getting old.”

“I was upset with my ex,”

“You know I didn’t mean anything I said. I’m the one who loves you more than anyone else in the world loves you–remember.”

If you are in a verbally abusive relationship, start by acknowledging the abuse.

This is not an easy thing to do, especially as your self-esteem is weakened. Outside help may be necessary because family, friends, and relatives are often under the spell of your “charmer” and don’t offer belief or support. They think you are crazy not to marry this man.

Make plans to create a better environment for yourself. Don’t stay too long, though, because every time your self-esteem sinks further, you lessen your chances of actually leaving.

Remember, verbal abuse escalates. Verbal abuse can and sometimes does, turn physical.

The post Females and Abuse: Mental, Verbal & Emotional appeared first on CyberParent.

You’ve probably seen this term used a lot to describe narcissists and abuse. Sometimes it’s even thrown around out of context and misused when labeling someone’s behavior.

But gaslighting is very real and it is a form of abuse – except it’s not as obvious as a black eye and more subtle than verbal abuse.

Most of the time, victims don’t even know they are experiencing gaslighting!

While you may or may not be in a relationship that is abusive and toxic, it’s helpful to understand what gaslighting is. You never know if this information will save you from a scary situation or help out a friend or family member.

So let’s look at the 8 things you should know about gaslighting as a form of abuse:

1. What is Gaslighting?

Let’s start by looking at exactly what gaslighting is.

This is a form of abuse mostly used by narcissists but anyone who is abusive can gaslight someone else.

The name itself comes from an old movie called Gaslight where the husband makes his wife feel like she is going crazy by doing things like hiding jewelry, accusing her of stealing it, and then tucking it into her purse.

Most notably, he dims and brightens the gaslights in their home, telling his wife that it is all in her head.

She eventually feels like she is going insane.

As a form of abuse, gaslighting is a power-gaining tactic abusers use to control and oppress their victims by forcing the victim to question their own perceptions, memories, and reality.

They do this by lying, denying, and accusing so that you become confused and feel guilty over what has happened.

2. Gaslighting Can Be Hard to Spot

When the abuser denies that something has happened or something has been said, they are adamant and will not budge. They wear you down with arguing until you’re too tired to bother and you simply accept what they are saying is true.

You think you are merely giving in to end an argument but over time you will start to believe what they are saying to avoid an argument altogether.

This happens so slowly and deliberately on the abuser’s part that you don’t even realize it’s happening. In fact, you may not even realize you are being gaslit until you learn what gaslighting is.

3. Gaslighting Is More Than Just Having You Question Your Reality

Because this is a complex form of abuse, there are many other things at play than just lying, denying, and accusing in order to confuse you.

Gaslighting also involves:

• Minimizing your feelings and accusing you of overreacting or being too emotional.
• Undermining the importance of issues by saying it’s no big deal.
• Hurting your reputation by discrediting you to others.

4. How An Abuser Manipulates Your Memory is Scary

There was a scientific study done where individuals were told that a made-up story actually happened in their childhood. Out of the people involved in the study, 25% believed the story to be true!

This is how gaslighters take control of their victims. They use body language and persuasive words to inject subtle suggestions into your mind, starting with small lies that end up becoming massive ones.

You eventually come to rely on the abuser to provide you with a sense of reality because you no longer have the confidence to trust your own mind.

5. Gaslighters Are Not Just Romantic Partners

When we think of abuse, we tend to immediately think of romantic relationships.

However, gaslighters can be partners, parents, bosses, coworkers – anyone!

How deeply their abusive tactics affect you will depend on the nature of the relationship but it is possible to experience its effects even in the workplace.

6. You Can Recognize the Signs of Gaslighting

Knowing what the signs of gaslighting are can help you determine if you are dealing with a gaslighter.

Although we’ve talked about what gaslighting is, here is a list of behaviors to look out for:

• They insist you said or did things you didn’t do.
• They brush off your recollection of events.
• They call you “crazy” or “too sensitive” when you get upset.
• They retell events to shift the blame to you.
• They insist that they are right and refuse to consider your side of things.

You may be experiencing the ill effects of gaslighting if you find yourself apologizing all the time, constantly feeling nervous or worried, losing your identity, and immediately believing that you are to blame when something goes wrong.

7. Gaslighters Tend To Use the Same Language

Put gaslight abuse victims in the same room and you are going to hear very similar stories.

This is because gaslighters tend to use the same language when lying, denying, accusing, and discrediting.

Here are some common things gaslighters are known to say:

• “That never happened.”
• “You’re too sensitive.”
• “You have a terrible memory.”
• “You’re crazy and other people think you are too.”
• “I’m sorry if you think that I hurt you.”
• “You should have known I was going to get angry.”

You can see how each of these statements discredits the victim’s experience and places the blame on them.

8. You Can Deal With Gaslighting

Luckily, gaslighting is not something you have to put up with. If you believe you are being gaslit by an abuser (or anyone in your life), try these tactics to deal with it:

• Detach yourself from the situation. Take a step back and try to focus on the situation and truth.
• Keep a journal. Write down things as they happen as well as how you feel when they are happening.
• Connect with someone you can trust. Find one person you can trust (a friend, family member, neighbor, clergy, etc.) and share your experiences with them. They can help you gain perspective on what is really happening.
• Don’t react or retaliate. There’s no point in trying to set your abuser straight on what is really happening. This will only lead to more conflict.

Overall, dealing with a gaslighter means getting a grip on your own reality and gaining the confidence to believe in your own thoughts and feelings.

Gaslighting is a Serious Issue

In the end, gaslighting is a serious and subtle form of abuse. It is used to wear away at the victim’s self-confidence to the point where they do not have the strength to leave the abuser.

In essence, they become trapped.

But there is always a way to get out and the first step is understanding your situation and validating your experience.

Next, you need to seek support whether it be a friend, family member, lawyer, therapist, etc.

You can even reach out to local shelters or call a domestic abuse hotline for more help and information:

• National Domestic Abuse Hotline (United States)
• Domestic Abuse Victim Support (UK)
• DomesticShelters.org (Canada)

The post What is Gaslighting? 8 Things You Need to Know About This Form of Abuse appeared first on CyberParent.

It’s unfortunate, but chances are good that someone you know has been a victim of abuse at some point during their life.

Abuse is far more common than people would like to believe, and it has a long-lasting impact on the mental health and well-being of those who have been affected.

Many people who are victims of abuse experience it during childhood. This can affect their adult lives in many ways, including their romantic relationships.

Here are some of the reasons it can be difficult for abuse victims to maintain healthy relationships:

How Trauma Impacts Mental Health and Wellness

Childhood trauma, especially trauma that is unaddressed, can impact many areas of a person’s life. They may develop PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), struggle with anxiety or fear for their safety, anger, phobias, and might find it difficult to trust others. These effects can all impact a person’s mental health and overall wellness.

There are many types of trauma, but abuse and family violence can have some of the deepest impacts on mental health.

It’s very difficult for victims to feel safe and able to trust those closest to them when they have been abused by a family member or intimate partner. Those feelings can affect a person’s ability to lead a normal life and thrive in relationships.

How Trauma and Abuse Affect Interpersonal Relationships

As if trauma isn’t bad enough when it occurs, many victims struggle with interpersonal relationships after they have experienced abuse, especially those who experienced abuse in childhood.

Children learn how to form strong attachments to their caregivers and how to trust others. When that trust is broken, they may struggle to react appropriately, be vulnerable with others, and regulate their emotions.

Many of these responses are adaptations. Children who experience abuse are forced to create their own coping mechanisms that help them to survive.

While these responses and coping strategies can be necessary for dealing with abuse, they can become harmful later in life. They may have trouble letting people get close to them in the future.

Relationships rely on trust and vulnerability. You have to be able to feel safe and trust your partner in order to create strong and healthy bonds.

People who have experienced unhealthy relationships and abuse sometimes even seek out those kinds of relationships and perpetuate the same cycles.

From an outsider’s perspective, it may seem strange for a person who has been abused to enter into another abusive relationship.

However, if a person hasn’t experienced healthy relationships, they may gravitate toward the only type of relationships they know.

How to Form Healthier Relationships

Everyone deserves to have healthy relationships with friends and intimate partners. Even if you’ve been a victim of abuse, you can learn how to form healthier relationships and build your ability to trust others.

The first step is to learn how to identify abusive behavior. If you have been abused in the past, you may find it difficult to spot the signs of abuse in future relationships. Understand that abusers not only exhibit abusive behavior but also often blame their victims for that behavior.

Understanding what is and isn’t abusive or unhealthy behavior is important for avoiding future problems and for choosing partners who will help you build healthier relationships.

You will need to become aware of your own emotions and reactions that could be creating barriers in your relationship, such as avoiding letting others get close to you.

Actively recognizing these tendencies will help you to work on changing how you react and manage your emotions.

Get Help if Needed

Therapy can be key for processing trauma and moving forward with your life. A therapist can help you learn new strategies for coping that are less harmful to your ability to build healthy relationships.

They can also help you understand yourself so you can improve your mental health and wellness.

If you are in an abusive relationship, it’s important to get help immediately. It’s never safe to stay with an abuser and there are people and resources available to help you get into a healthier situation as soon as possible.

Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline if you need to talk to someone—and remember, you deserve to feel safe, loved, and respected in your relationships!

The post Why Victims of Abuse May Find It Difficult to Be In a Relationship appeared first on CyberParent.

Knowing the signs and symptoms of child abuse not only will protect your own children from those out in the world, but it may give you the knowledge to protect someone else’s child as well.

If you suspect a child is being abused, report it to the proper authorities. That’s the law and it is the only choice when children are involved in abuse.

The Warning Signs of Child Abuse

There are many warning signs of abuse of children. One sign, one or two times, does not necessarily mean anything. Keep watching before you jump to conclusions but once you are reasonably sure, report it to the proper authorities.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse involves any physical damage to the body. Oftentimes a child will be reluctant or vague about where marks and sores have originated.

• Sores
• Burns
• Bruises on body

It may be difficult to discern physical abuse from common physical injuries. Some common areas of injury (such as bruises and scrapes) for children are the forehead, crown, elbows, knees, knuckles and shins. Common sites for non-accidental injuries (i.e., potential abuse) include:

• Eyes
• Ears
• Cheek
• Mouth
• Chest
• Upper and inner arm
• Front and back of thighs
• Buttocks
• Genitals

Neglect

Neglect does not involve violent physical contact with the body. It involves being unable, or unwilling, to provide the necessities of life to a child. These include food, water, shelter, clean clothes and access to proper hygiene.

• Soiled diapers
• Dirty hair
• Unwashed clothes
• Body odor
• Weight loss
• Lackluster skin and/or hair

Emotional or Mental Abuse

This is one form of abuse that may be difficult to recognize since the effects are extremely covert and not visible to the eye. Abused children are often quiet and lack the self-confidence to report their treatment but can manifest their suffering in other ways:

• Withdrawn
• Suddenly behaves differently
• Wets the bed and/or soils clothes
• Depressed
• Aggressive
• Self harm and/or thoughts about suicide

Sexual Abuse

In 1999, the World Health Organization (WHO) Consultation on Child Abuse Prevention formulated this very clear definition of child sexual abuse:

“Child sexual abuse is the involvement of a child in sexual activity that he or she does not fully comprehend, is unable to give informed consent to, or for which the child is not developmentally prepared and cannot give consent, or that violates the laws or social taboos of society.”

Noticing the signs of sexual abuse can be tricky if there are no physical marks. However, there are many symptomatic behaviors that a child may exhibit if they have experienced sexual abuse:

• Precocious behavior
• Sexual knowledge that is beyond what is normal for their age
• Copying adult sexual behavior such as kissing on the mouth and/or attempting to insert tongue
• Habitual sleeping with parent of opposite sex in preteen age or older
• Persistent sexual play with other children, themselves, toys or pets
• Soreness, redness and/or chafing around the genitals

Reporting Child Abuse

If you notice a pattern of any of these signs, please do not hesitate to contact the authorities or Child Protective Services. Even if you doubt yourself, there’s no harm in having potential abuse investigated.

The post Signs and Symptoms of Child Abuse appeared first on CyberParent.

If someone accuses you of domestic violence, that’s never easy, particularly if you feel you’re innocent and they’re misrepresenting some incident in which you took part.

You’ll want to hire an attorney who can represent you as you go through this challenging process.

You will find that a domestic violence case goes through four stages. It’s helpful to know those stages so you can understand what to expect if someone brings an accusation against you.

1. The Arrest and Investigation

Understanding the domestic violence case process should always start with the arrest and investigation phase. That’s what will kick off the whole process if someone reports to the police that you assaulted or physically abused them.

Usually, the police will come to your home and arrest you, but they might come to see you at work, or they may stop you somewhere else.

That depends on your location when they receive the complaint against you. Anyone can bring a complaint of this nature, but a spouse, partner, or family member are all common complainants.

The cops will not automatically arrest you. They might only detain and question you. They will usually arrest you if they feel like the person who told them about the domestic violence has a credible story with some evidence behind it.

Whether they arrest you or not, they will start investigating at that point. They will talk to the complainant and yourself. They might also speak to any eyewitnesses.

Those might include any neighbors, other family members, or anyone else who saw the incident.

If the cops arrest you, you’ll need to contact an attorney without delay. They can help you through the bond process so you can remain free while the next steps occur.

2. The Pre-Filing Intervention

The pre-filing intervention will take place next. During this phase, your lawyer talks to the prosecutor to see where they are with the case.

You’ll want a lawyer who has gone through this process before and not a neophyte who doesn’t know how the system works.

Your lawyer might get the prosecuting attorney to drop the charges if there’s not enough evidence. 

Obviously, that’s the best outcome for you. They might also get the prosecuting attorney to reduce the charges to a misdemeanor from a felony. That can potentially help you as well.

If your lawyer can get the prosecuting attorney to reduce the charges, you might plead guilty. Maybe you’ll plead guilty to disturbing the peace or aggravated trespass.

If you feel adamant that you did nothing wrong, though, you might plead not guilty to all charges.

3. The Arraignment and Pre-Trial Hearing

Next, you’ll go through the arraignment and pre-trial hearing phase. You’ll appear in court and hear the formal charges the prosecuting attorney wants to bring against you. This process won’t take long.

The court might issue a protective order at this time. That means you can’t approach the individual who says you assaulted them. You’ll need to stay somewhere else for a while if you live with this person.

You will have some time to avoid going to trial. This usually involves your lawyer talking to the prosecutor on your behalf. They might submit motions to exclude evidence or to hear witness testimony outside of a courtroom setting.

The prosecutor will often want to avoid going to trial since that takes time and energy. If you refuse to plead guilty to any charges, though, and the prosecutor feels certain they can convict you, you may have no choice but to go to trial.

4. The Trial Phase

That leads us to the trial, the fourth phase. Not every case gets this far, but some do. This is where you’ll definitely want an experienced lawyer on your side since your freedom might depend on the trial’s outcome.

The prosecution will want to prove the evidence against you beyond a reasonable doubt. The jury will hear all evidence during the trial. You might take the stand to speak on your behalf.

The jury might also hear from neighbors, other family members, or anyone who saw the alleged incident.

If you get off, you’re free to go, and the charges will not follow you around after that since they won’t remain on your record.

If a jury convicts you, you might have to face jail time at that point. That’s why pleading guilty to lesser charges sometimes pays off.

The post The 4 Phases of a Domestic Violence Case appeared first on CyberParent.

Teachers have an essential role to play in the life of their students. They provide a safe, nurturing environment for children to learn and grow as individuals.

Since children spend a lot of their time at school, instructors can identify behavior patterns resulting from past traumas.

Hence, teachers are also responsible for identifying child abuse or neglect when they see it. While many teachers take this responsibility seriously, some do not. Studies show that between 10% and 23% of educators fail to report suspected child abuse and neglect incidents.

These incidents may be where children exhibit unusual behavior such as shyness, screaming, or bullying.

Childhood trauma is one of the most common reasons kids struggle with schoolwork and social development. It can manifest itself through low self-esteem, behavioral issues, depression, anxiety, and more.

Child protection agencies like the Department of Children and Families (DCF) often require teachers to report any signs of potential child abuse.

Trauma can have many shapes and forms. Additionally, different children have separate ways of releasing their frustration. In the end, they really just want to be heard. 

Schools need to hire exceptional counselors to deal with such situations where a child suffers from trauma. However, teachers can also opt for an MS in Education Crisis and Trauma School Counseling degree program to help them understand what childhood trauma looks like academically. 

The following 12 facts about childhood trauma should give you a better understanding of its effects on children.

By learning more about this topic, you’ll be able to identify traumatized children better and offer them the support they need.

1. Trauma Begins Before Birth

Trauma begins long before children experience it directly. Fetal alcohol syndrome affects babies born to mothers who drink while pregnant.

As a result, these infants may have a higher risk for developmental delays, including impaired cognitive ability and behavioral problems. Some children are even born addicted to drugs or alcohol.

2. The Effects of Trauma Can Last a Lifetime

Children’s brains continue developing until around age 25. Therefore, trauma during early development can affect a person’s behavior for years to come.

For example, an infant exposed to domestic violence may experience behavioral disorders later in life.

3. Traumatized Kids May Be More Likely to Develop Depression Later in Life

Research shows that people with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) are at increased risk for depression. This link holds regardless of whether the trauma occurred before or after adulthood.

4. Childhood Trauma Is More Common Than You Think

According to the American Society for the Positive Care of Children, 1 in 5 children suffers from a mental health condition.

Most experts attribute this statistic to exposure to adverse life events, including child abuse and neglect.

5. Children Who Witness Violence Are At Increased Risk for PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression

Witnessing violent crimes like murder, rape, and assault has been linked to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Children who witness these events are also more susceptible to anxiety and depression.

Researchers believe witnessing violence could lead to a lifetime of mental health problems.

6. Abused Children Have Higher Rates of Substance Abuse

As a result, abused children are more likely to use drugs and alcohol to cope with their traumatic experiences. They may also begin abusing substances earlier in life than other kids. These behaviors can cause further psychological damage and increase the likelihood of future addiction.

7. Many Parents Fail to Report Signs of Child Abuse

In most cases, parents are aware of the signs of child abuse. However, many choose to ignore them out of fear of losing custody of their children.

When parents don’t seek help for their troubled kids, they put them at greater risk for developing lifelong mental health problems.

8. Children With Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Are More Likely to Become Criminals

Research shows that children who have PTSD are more likely to commit crimes later in life. People with PTSD are up to seven times more likely to end up in prison.

9. Traumatized Children May Suffer From Learning Disabilities

Children exposed to trauma may have difficulty paying attention, focusing, and retaining information. Children with ADHD often struggle with reading comprehension.

10. Children Who Witness Violence May Struggle to Form Healthy Relationships

Witnessing violence in early childhood can make it difficult for children to connect with others. They may distrust people and find it hard to trust those around them.

As a result, they may struggle to form healthy relationships in adulthood.

11. Child Developmental Trauma Can Lead to Psychosis

Children who’ve experienced trauma may develop psychotic symptoms like hallucinations and delusions.

In some cases, they may become aggressive or violent. If left untreated, these behaviors could lead to violence against themselves and others.

12. Most People with Trauma Have Difficulty Recovering

According to estimates, only half of the people who’ve suffered childhood trauma fully recover. Others may continue to experience symptoms of trauma even decades later.

How Can You as A Teacher Help?

These facts will help you understand the effects of childhood trauma on children. But what can you do to help? Here are five ways to help traumatized students:

Create a Safe Environment for Your Students

Safe environments foster emotional growth and development. You can create such an environment by taking steps to minimize your students’ anxiety.

For example, you can use positive reinforcement when interacting with your students. Also, please encourage them to share their feelings and express themselves openly.

Teach Empathy

Teaching empathy is essential to helping traumatized children heal. When teachers teach students how to empathize, they help them learn to recognize emotions in others.

This skill can improve their relationships and reduce the likelihood of committing crimes later in life.

Foster a Growth Mindset

Fostering a growth mindset helps children realize they can overcome adversity and achieve success. You inspire them to do the same when you think positively about your students. You also give them hope for the future.

Encourage Peer Support

Peer support groups allow children to share their experiences. They also provide a place to receive encouragement and support from other people.

Research shows peer support groups can significantly reduce the symptoms of PTSD.

Offer Additional Resources

Some children require additional resources to aid their recovery. For instance, they may need therapy, medication, or both.

An excellent way to identify such children is to ask them open-ended questions like “What would make you feel better?” If they mention anything related to mental health or counseling, consider referring them to specialists.

Final Words

Childhood trauma can impact children for the rest of their lives. That’s why it’s so important for teachers to take their responsibilities seriously.

By educating yourself about childhood trauma, you’ll be able to spot the signs and respond appropriately. This will help your students heal and reach their full potential.

The post 12 Things Educators Must Know About Childhood Trauma appeared first on CyberParent.

Talking to a child about sexual harassment is something that parents wouldn’t want to deal with – but at the same time, it’s essential.

Just like you have to talk to them about the birds and the bees eventually, you need to teach them about what’s ok and what’s not ok. 

By having “the talk” with them, you can prevent them from putting themselves in danger in the future. Here are some ways in which you may approach this discussion.

Start the Conversation Early

You might feel tempted to put this conversation off, thinking that you want to shield them from the evils of the world – but the earlier you have this conversation, the better. 

Stats show that with the COVID-19 lockdown, online child sex abuse saw a concerning increase.

Therefore, you must make sure your child knows what is wrong before they even receive that first message. 

Ask Open-Minded Questions

If a child feels that you are judgmental, they will be less likely to talk to you. This is why you need to talk in an open-minded manner with them, without sounding like you are judgmental. 

Rather than admonishing them for saying something or using a certain phrase, ask them open-mindedly where they heard it, or what they thought about it.

This will give you more time to find the information that you need so that you can take the right steps.

Be Truthful Without Over-Explaining

While being open-minded and truthful with your child is ok, there is still such a thing as “too much information.”

Explain to your child what they need to know, but without saying too much just to satisfy their curiosity. 

Some states such as Baltimore advise you to be careful on what you tell a child, for example (you can’t even curse near them!). So, if you believe your child is being sexually harassed, a sexual harassment attorney can offer you advice on what to do or say. 

Create an Opportunity for Them to Talk

If you want to talk to your child about sexual harassment or cyber-stalking, then you need to create a home environment that is trusting and safe.

If they feel that you would be angry, they might not feel too inclined to share anything with you.

Avoid dismissing their concerns and encourage them to speak up when they believe they are being sexually harassed. Make sure they do not feel like they need to keep things to themselves. 

Teach Them What Is OK and What Is Not

Make sure that when you are talking to your child about sexual harassment, they are aware of what is ok and what is not.

When passing the lesson, try not to sound too controlling – but put the control in their hands instead. 

Teach them that their body is their own, and no one should be allowed to touch them without consent or in a way that is uncomfortable for them.

This should apply to online harassment as well, where they may be asked for pictures of their private areas. 

The Bottom Line

Talking about sexual harassment with your kid may be tricky and it’s a talk that can make both parties feel uncomfortable.

However, by approaching the situation ahead of time, and with a non-judgmental attitude towards your kid, you might as well prevent an unfortunate situation from occurring. 

Remember, by creating a safe environment for your children, they will feel more inclined to come to you if they are being sexually harassed. 

The post How to Talk to Children About Sexual Harassment appeared first on CyberParent.

Many children from all over the world are affected by abuse. Most people think of abuse as the physical kind, involving violence and other such things.

But child abuse goes beyond that.

An abused child doesn’t always have bruises or other injuries on their body but may also show emotional signs of abuse.

For example, in some cases, the little one may be neglected.

Many times, the abuser is someone the child already knows, such as a family member or another close person.

It’s essential to recognize the signs of neglect or abuse in children in order to seek help and put an end to it. 

Physical Abuse Signs

Physical signs of abuse may be the easiest ones to notice because they are visible.

There are various injuries that an abused child may have on their body depending on what type of abuse took place. 

Physical signs of abuse include:

• A strange and unusual bruising pattern that resembles the shape of a particular item or instrument used to cause the injury (such as a hand, belt, hairbrush, and others)
• Burns, welts, and bruising that are hard to explain, especially on the mouth, lips, face, or multiple areas on infants or very young children
• Burns that have no logical explanation (such as cigarette burns)
• Body injuries in areas where children do not usually get hurt (thighs, neck, back, torso, and others)
• Clusters of burns, welts, or bruises that hint to repeated abuse with the hand or a certain item
• Abrasion or laceration on the child’s external genitalia
• Bleeding beneath the scalp or hair absence from hair pulling
• Tears in the gum tissue (potentially as a force-feeding result)
• Fearful, withdrawn, or extreme behavior

Emotional Abuse Signs

Usually, it is harder to notice emotional signs of abuse, or they may be mistaken for other types of behaviors.

However, if you pay attention to the child, any of the following symptoms and signs should make you ask questions about the child’s safety:

• Depression
• Loss of self-esteem or self-confidence
• Loss of developmental skills that were previously acquired
• Seeking attention desperately
• Losing enthusiasm or interest in activities/things they once enjoyed
• Inappropriate/delayed emotional development
• Avoiding certain situations
• Having a worse school performance all of a sudden
• Isolation

Signs of Neglect

Neglect is also a form of abuse, so you should look out for signs of neglect too. Here are some symptoms a neglected child may show:

• Bad hygiene
• Losing weight or being overweight
• Poor growth
• Hiding food to enjoy it later
• Taking money or food without being permitted
• Not having supplies or clothing to meet physical needs
• Not getting proper attention for psychological, dental, or medical problems, or getting no follow-up care
• Having a poor school attendance record

Sexual Abuse Signs

A child who is sexually abused may show the following warning signs:

• Blood on their underwear
• Inappropriate sexual contact with other kids
• STD or pregnancy
• Too much sexual knowledge/behavior for their age
• Statements regarding being sexually abused

Conclusion

Kids will show different symptoms of abuse depending on what form of abuse they experienced. Also, the statistics are quite worrying in this regard.

For example, in N.Y., the child abuse rate is 17.1 per 1,000 children.

If you live in one of New York’s areas, such as the Bronx, and you suspect a child is abused, look out for the signs mentioned in the article and then hire a domestic assault attorney for legal help.

The post Top Warning Signs of Domestic Neglect or Abuse in Children appeared first on CyberParent.

The coronavirus pandemic has resulted in many of our daily activities being moved online.

Education, work, and socialising with family and friends now all happens on the internet and it has proven to be a fantastic tool in this regard, keeping the economy moving and connecting people who would otherwise be spending most of their time alone.

Unfortunately it’s not all positive. Police and support services have reported record increases in cyberstalking cases and general cyber-related abuse during recent lockdowns.

Victims of domestic violence are often also victims of cyberstalking and experts have warned that stay-at-home orders only increase the danger these individuals face.

Influencers, who largely operate via social media platforms such as Instagram, have also spoken out about the rising number (and volatility) of harassing messages they have received, often from complete strangers.

It’s important to understand the potential dangers that being interconnected online can bring.

Whilst cyberstalking is a crime and the victim is never to blame, having knowledge of the ways that online stalkers operate and who you can turn to for help will grant you greater peace of mind and improve your online safety.

What is Cyberstalking?

Cyberstalking is broadly defined as the use of the internet to harass others. Whilst the odd negative comment or message is upsetting, cyberstalking is usually seen as a planned, systematic and sustained attack against an individual.

Common characteristics of the crime include monitoring, making false accusations, threats, identity theft and exploitation.

In some cases, a victim may not even know they are being stalked online.

Cyberstalking can also take the form of a perpetrator inconspicuously monitoring their target, gathering personal information in an attempt to either carry out identity theft or offline harassment.

On the other hand, cyberstalkers are often well known to their victims in real life.

Online stalking of ex-partners is very common, upsetting and at times, dangerous — particularly when blocking the individual and their messages does little to help solve the problem.

Cyberstalking and Covid-19

The spread of Covid-19 has resulted in an incredibly disruptive year on a worldwide scale. The pandemic has influenced nearly every facet of our lives, including our use of the internet and social media.

With everyone now relying on their phones and laptops to work, learn, socialise and even order groceries, cyberstalkers now have access to their victims 24 hours a day.

Several protective organisations and individual victims of online stalking have recently spoken out, saying that stay-at-home orders have only spurned stalkers and trolls to increase their attacks.

National lockdowns have made it increasingly difficult for victims to seek support and assistance.

This is particularly true for those who are suffering both domestic violence and cyber-abuse from intimate partners — now trapped living with their abusers and not able to leave the house.

Who You Can Turn to for Help

It is very important to know that police and protective services are still on hand to help you.

National lockdowns do not extend to a person escaping a situation of domestic violence, nor should you feel like the pandemic means that as a victim of cyberstalking, you are not able to reach out for assistance.

If blocking the individual and reporting their behaviour to the relevant platform (if the harassment is being carried out via social media) does not help and you still feel unsafe, the next step is to report the situation to the authorities.

If you are living with the abuser, reach out to friends and family as well as domestic abuse shelters.

A Few Tips to Keep in Mind

It can be incredibly difficult to protect yourself against cyberstalking, particularly when the stalker is known to you.

With that in mind, there are a few tips and tricks you should consider whenever you go online:

• Maintain vigilance over your physical devices
• Practise good password management and security
• Ensure any online calendars or diaries are made private
• Use the privacy settings made available to you on all social media accounts
• Make use of reputable online security software

Cyberstalking can be incredibly distressing and dangerous to the victim.

Always seek help whenever you feel that you are in danger and know that pandemic or not, you deserve to feel safe and secure online.

The post What Is Cyberstalking And Why Is It On The Rise? appeared first on CyberParent.

Countless individuals all over the world are now suffering from psychological abuse. What is psychological abuse anyway?

Psychological abuse is defined as a systematic use of hateful manipulation by means of non-physical acts against a child, an adult, or even a partner.

Also referred to as emotional abuse, these abusive actions may include threatening one’s psychological or even physical health and their loved ones, acting to isolate or undermine their victim, and controlling the victim’s freedom.

Psychological abuse may take place before sexual, physical, or other types of abuse. However, these can all happen at the same time, and even if this happens by itself, there will be a long-term damage to the mental health of the victim.

Broken bones and frequent bruising are common signs of physical abuse, but when it comes to emotional abuse, this leaves no physical and visible marks, but the emotional damages can be too devastating.

Emotional abuse is now more common in marriage, dating, and relationships. These can also occur in relationships between family, friends, and co-workers.

Some are left stuck or trapped in a manipulative and emotionally abusive relationship, but many still manage to have the courage to get out of the trap.

Signs You Are in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Psychological or emotional abuse in relationships is sometimes difficult to detect.

If you feel that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you better stop and take time to think and assess your relationship with your loved one, your partner or your friend and know how they make you feel.

Keep in mind that no one deserves to be abused, whether physically or emotionally. You also deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

The following are signs that you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship:

Displays Unrealistic Expectations

An emotionally abusive individual possesses unrealistic expectations. These might include:

• Expecting you to give up everything just to meet their needs.
• Criticizing you if you can’t complete the tasks according to their expectations or standards.
• Making unreasonable demands.
• Demanding you to name exact times and dates when talking about things and events that upset you.

Invalidates You

An emotionally abusive person invalidates you and does the following unpleasant acts:

• Dismissing, distorting or undermining your reality or your perceptions.
• Accusing you of being crazy, too emotional or too sensitive.
• Trying to define how you feel and refuse to accept your own feelings.
• Refusing to accept or acknowledging your ideas and opinions.
• Accusing you of being materialistic, needy and selfish when you express your needs and wants expecting that you should not have any of these.

Uses Emotional Blackmail

A psychological or emotionally abusive person makes use of emotional blackmail, such as:

• Humiliate you in public and in private.
• Manipulate and control you by making you feel bad and guilty.
• Use your values, compassion and your fears in controlling you or the situation.
• Deny that event took place and lie about it.
• Punish you by means of withholding affection  or giving you the cold and silent treatment.

Acts Superior

Emotionally abusive individual acts are so entitled and superior. Some manifestations are:

• Blaming you always for your shortcomings and mistakes.
• Telling you that you have illogical, stupid and irrelevant thoughts, values and ideas.
• Doubting all the things that you do or say.
• Treating you like you’re inferior.
• Making jokes at your expense.

Creates Chaos

A person is said to be emotionally abusive if:

• He is very argumentative and always starts arguing just for the sake of arguing.
• He behaves unpredictably and erratically to the extent that you seem like you’re walking on eggshells.
• He makes contradictory and confusing statements.
• He often displays sudden mood changes and emotional outbursts.

Controls and Isolates You

If you are isolated and controlled, then you are with a psychologically abusive person. He also does the following negative acts to hurt you and make you suffer, such as:

• Criticizes or makes fun of you or your friends and loved ones.
• Accuses you of being jealous or cheating in the relationship.
• Controls who you spend time with or who you see.
• Treats you like a property or possession
• Monitor you digitally including social media, emails and text messages.

Different Types of Psychological or Emotional Abuse

Psychological or emotional abuse comes in different forms, such as:

• Criticism
• Constantly opposing and arguing
• Possessiveness
• Refusing to participate and work on the relationship
• Blaming or shaming
• Gaslighting
• Silent and cold treatment
• Verbal abuse and name-calling
• Withholding attention and affection

Helpful Ways to Deal with Psychological or Emotional Abuse

The very first thing to do to deal with emotional abuse is to recognize the abuse. The moment you acknowledge the emotional abuse successfully, identify the aspect of such abuse, it is highly imperative to acknowledge the problems once and for all.

You need to be honest with your experiences so you can start to take control of your life once again. The following are helpful ways and strategies to reclaim your life:

• Practice Self-Love. In terms of physical and mental health, you need to practice self-care and make yourself a priority. Don’t consume all your time and effort pleasing the one that abuses you emotionally. You need to take care of yourself and your needs. Take actions and do things that can help you think positively. Self-care and self-love is a way to deal with emotional abuse effectively.

• Set Boundaries. Be firm in telling an abusive individual that they can no longer shout at you, be rude to you and insult you. You need to set boundaries but never communicate boundaries that you don’t intend to keep. Tell the abusive person that if he crosses the boundary, the conversation is over.

• Avoid Blaming Yourself. Having been in an emotionally abusive relationship for quite some time now doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. You’re not the problem either, so stop blaming yourself and focus on healing and moving on.

If you are emotionally abused, realize that you cannot fix them at once despite your efforts. But you can always choose to get out of the trap and live happily and peacefully because you deserve it.

The post What Is Psychological Abuse? appeared first on CyberParent.

Abuse comes in many forms and it doesn’t always leave marks and bruises.

Emotional abuse is not an overt form of abuse – you don’t have to be constantly insulted or belittled to suffer its effects. Emotional abusers and manipulators use subtle tactics to break down your psychological strength and gain power and control over you.

One such instance of emotional manipulation is known as “gaslighting” and is a term used to describe an abuse tactic in which one person makes the other person in the relationship doubt their own memory, perception of events and sense of reality.

What Gaslighting Looks Like

People who gaslight do whatever they can to avoid and deflect any sort of blame or responsibility for their actions and become the victim in the situation.

They do this is many ways, mostly by pushing blame back onto the other person in an effort to transfer culpability.

For example, my narcissistic ex didn’t work and would never do anything around the house. It came up in discussion one day and I expressed how I was never in the mood for intimacy because I was too tired from working all day and then cooking and cleaning when I got home.

Instead of accepting responsibility for not lifting a finger throughout the day, he told me that the reason he didn’t do any housework was because he wasn’t getting any sex – he needed regular intercourse to feel motivated enough to take care of our home.

It was like this during many arguments – every concern I had was turned around and blamed on me.

Signs of Gaslighting

None of us are innocent of deflecting blame to self-preserve and avoid guilt, but intentional gaslighting is a phenomenon that occurs on a regular basis.

If you notice your partner engaging in any of these behaviors consistently, you may be dealing with gaslighting in your relationship:

• Your partner denies things you have proof of.
• Your partner tells deliberate lies.
• Your partner projects their behavior onto you.
• Your partner’s actions do not match their words.
• Your partner manipulates your relationships with other people.
• Your partner makes you question your sanity.
• Your partner makes you believe only they can be trusted.
• Your partner displaces blame and makes things your fault.

These actions can have a negative impact your own mental health and can cause you to question who you are. You may find that you are blaming yourself for everything and over-apologizing even if it’s not your fault.

Eventually, you may feel isolated from your friends and family or constantly defending your partner to them.

How to Deal With Gaslighting

Remember that intentional gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. The thing about abuse is that the person receiving it is NEVER deserving of it or responsible for it.

Don’t take responsibility for the way your partner treats you. You are not provoking this treatment in any way. This is a ploy by your partner to gain control over you – there is nothing you have done to create this need.

You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to spare your partner’s feelings. It may be tempting to simply give in and agree to their lies or manipulations to avoid a conflict, but in doing so you are weakening your own sense of truth.

Remember who you are. Write it down in a journal if you have to. Document incidents as they occur. Do what you can to maintain your own sense of reality.

Ultimately, trust your intuition. If you feel you are in danger, leave the relationship. Seek help from friends, family members or mental health professionals.

Have you ever experienced gaslighting in a relationship? How did you deal with it? Let us know in the comments below!

The post 8 Signs of Gaslighting in Your Relationship appeared first on CyberParent.

Domestic violence typically occurs when a partner in a relationship acts on their need to dominate their partner. As a partner in a relationship, you need to be aware of the top domestic abuse warning signs.

The most prominent incidents include insults and name calling. These actions can be small, but consistent and frequently occurring. Moreover, many abusers excessively track their partners’ day-to-day activities as well.

In addition to the warning signs, partners need to familiarize themselves with the main causes of abuse. Continue reading to discover the main causes of domestic violence in relationships.

Poor Upbringing

One of the main causes of domestic violence is a poor upbringing. When people grow up in house holds that normalize abuse, they often end up abusing their significant others later in life. During their childhood, they watched their main influencers cope with their emotions through violence.

When children see their parents solve their issues through physical abuse, they grow up to believe that they should do the same.

Especially for small children, these events can create traumatic memories for them. For this reason, poor upbringing is a main cause of domestic violence in relationships.

Major Life Changes

Partners also turn to domestic violence when they are undergoing major life changes. When shifts occur in partners’ lives, they feel overwhelmed. As a result, they take out their anger on those they love most. These shifts can range from pregnancies to family illnesses to job changes. At times, the negative emotions associated with major life changes stem from a feeling of loneliness. When abusers feel alone, left out and/or neglected, they try to take control of a prominent part of their life through domestic violence.

Negative Self Perceptions

Furthermore, negative self perceptions cause abusers to lash out on their partners. Many abusers take out their self anger on their spouses.

Often times, their anger arises when they receive insults, perceive someone as a threat or feel insecure. They can feel these emotions in various environments. Partners can start to negative self talk anywhere from work to home to the grocery store.

Once they begin, they continue to speak to themselves harshly, intensifying the already-dangerous emotions. Professionals refer to this harsh self talk as the “critical inner voice” that promotes destructive thought. Unfortunately, this is one of the root causes of domestic violence.

Intoxification

Alcohol addiction and drug abuse also cause domestic violence in relationships. According to Matthew Hand, a Denver domestic assault attorney, “Many domestic violence cases deal with conflict that is intensified by alcohol, drugs, or mental health episodes.”

When abusive partners drink or use drugs irrationally, their moods and behaviors shift drastically. Your partner might be fine when they are sober, but destructive when they are under the influence. For this reason, many alcoholics and drug addicts end up needing domestic assault attorneys.

When spouses cannot stop their partners from abusing substances, they turn to authorities for assistance and safety. In doing so, they gain protection and, often times, help their partners get the help they need. As a result, their spouses have the opportunity to put an end to this cause of domestic violence.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Post-traumatic stress disorder is a root cause of domestic abuse. Many soldiers return from war and deal with the common disorder referred to as PTSD. The disease overwhelms them due to their experiences in the war zone. Unfortunately, the war zone environment causes veterans to view the rest of the world as a war zone as well.

They think that everyone around them is trying to do them harm. Their reaction is to fight back using verbal and physical violence. Professionals advise both soldiers returning from war and their spouses to get expert assistance. Take preventative measures to avoid dealing with domestic abuse caused by post-traumatic stress disorder.

When an abuser feels the need to control their significant other, they turn to domestic violence. Their reason for reacting violently can stem from a variety of situations. For instance, many abusers grew up in a household that promoted abuse.

Others resort to violence when they undergo major life changes like having a child or finding out that a family member is sick. Negative self talk leads to domestic abuse as well. When partners abuse drugs and alcohol, their moods and behavior shift, often leading to abusive behavior.

Lastly, post-traumatic stress disorder is a leading cause of domestic violence. Familiarize yourself with these root causes of domestic violence in relationships.

The post The Main Causes Of Domestic Violence In Relationships appeared first on CyberParent.

Abuse escalates in marriage and can turn into death by a spouse or intimate partner. In fact, abuse turns into death much more often than many of us would imagine.

It’s a sad reality that violence can exist within a relationship to the point of one spouse causing the other’s death. In most cases, the pattern of abuse escalates until the violence leads to murder.

Even sadder is that most victims do not recognize how serious the violence is until it’s too late. Either the abuse becomes so commonplace that the signs of escalation are ignored or the victim feels too helpless to escape or seek help.

Anyone Can Be a Victim

Victims of domestic violence by intimate partners are five to ten times more likely to be women than men. In the United States alone, four women are murdered each day by a spouse or an intimate partner.

Domestic violence occurs in male-female relationships and same-sex relationships. Although victims of domestic violence by intimate partners are five to ten times more likely to be women than men, this does not mean that a man cannot be a spousal murder victim.

And pregnancy is not protective either. The sad truth is that the number one cause of death for pregnant women is murder by their baby’s father.

The marriage phrase “until death do us part” can be real.

Signposts of Spousal Homicide

How will you know if the abuse occurring in your relationship has the potential of leading to murder?

Maybe you won’t know, but you do know that abuse escalates. Even emotional abuse can escalate to physical violence or death.

Despite what anyone thinks, though, very few people just “snap” and commit murder. Signposts leading to murder are usually present to some degree, but are missed or intentionally disregarded by the victims of spousal homicide.

Apparently there are some signposts which indicate a potential death threat. There are signs that a husband or wife is the killing kind, says Dr. Robi Ludwig, psychotherapist and author of “Till Death Do Us Part: Love, Marriage and the Mind of the Killer Spouse”.

Ludwig lists some traits you should beware of in your significant other that may indicate they are a potential spouse killer:

• Intense controlling behavior
• Explosive feelings of rage
• Difficulty forming intimate relationships
• Poor impulse control
• Inability to understand your feelings
• Absence of emotions like remorse and sympathy
• Searches out easy pleasure (i.e. a thrill seeker)
• Intense feelings of victimization and rejection
• Devalues human life
• Pathologically idealizes partner

Ending the Relationships Does Not Necessarily End the Violence

If you have been in an abusive relationship, don’t assume that the end of the relationship ends the potential of physical harm or murder.

The domestic abuse that leads to murder does not necessarily occur during the marriage or relationship. It may also occur while the relationship is breaking up, or even after the relationship has ended.

Support for Abuse Victims

If you are experiencing abuse, or have in the past, there are resources to help you and authorities to guide through the process of ending the violence and healing from it.

There is never any reason why anyone, male or female, should stay within a violate relationship and suffer at the hands of an abusive partner.

Here are the steps you should take if you are experiencing violence and abuse:

• Call the police for emergency protection.
• Go to a hospital or tell your doctor.
• Call a telephone crisis line for assaulted women.
• Contact a settlement agency.
• Contact a community information centre.
• Speak to a social worker or counsellor.
• Go to a shelter.

Resources for United States

Resources for Canada

The post Abuse Can Lead to Spousal Death: Killer Spouses appeared first on CyberParent.

Not all abuse leaves cuts and bruises.

And not all abuse happens at home. In the last ten years, the incidences of workplace abuse has increased by 200% and affects nearly 30% of employees during their careers.

Why is it that in the dynamic, ever-changing nature of business, workplaces are now more susceptible to bullying behaviour? How can we protect ourselves against that?

What is Verbal Abuse?

Verbal abuse is when one person uses forceful language with the intention of harming another person’s self-concept and producing negative emotions.

This use of language may include:

• criticisms
• insults
• accusing and blaming
• name calling
• ordering and commanding to show control
• undermining
• threatening

Verbal abuse in the workplaces is not always so easily identified. These behaviours are usually not overt but can be recognized by their purpose. Loraleigh Keashly, a professor of communication at Wayne State University explains that workplace abuse does not necessarily have to be tied to sex or race but is “directed at gaining compliance from others.”

Her definition of workplace abuse includes behaviours such as yelling and screaming, name-calling, gossip, intentionally ignoring someone and withholding information.

While some of these may seem trivial as isolated incidences, Keashly explains, “It’s the patterning of it, the repetitiveness and persistence of it, that wears away at people.”

Why is Workplace Abuse a Growing Problem?

The demands of the modern workplace can often lead to workplace abuse. Nowadays, it’s not only companies competing with each other, but employees must compete with each other as well.

Because of our fluctuating economy, people are worried about cutbacks, lay-offs and losing their jobs. This creates an environment of paranoia and competition in which people are resorting to ruthless and abusive behaviour in order to maintain their status and position.

Apart from the fear of losing a job, the demands of the modern workplace – high pressure jobs, lower wages, fewer resources – can often lead to workplace abuse.

The Effects of Workplace Abuse: Meredith’s Story

Studies have shown that the effects of workplace abuse is costed the health industry millions of dollars. Even though verbal abuse does not leave physical scars, the results of being abused and harassed at work include stress, anxiety, weight loss and sleep issues as well as the impact it has on job performance.

In 2009, an Ontario woman by the name of Meredith Boucher was awarded $400K after suffering workplace abuse from her manager. A ten-year veteran of Wal-Mart, Meredith was a model employee until her manager began to bully and humiliate her.

The abuse began after an incidence in which the manager requested that Meredith falsify information on the temperature logs in the frozen food section. Being an honest person, and a good employee, she refused. From the day on, for six months, she was tormented by the manager.

Over that period of time, Meredith lost more than 25 pounds, couldn’t eat and couldn’t sleep. After filing harassment claims against the manager, and having them denied for being “unsubstantiated”, Meredith eventually quit her job.

Soon after, she filed a lawsuit against the former manager and Wal-Mart. An appeals judge sided with Meredith and she was awarded $1.4 million – but that was later reduced to $400K.

Although she may have won the battle in court, the war still wages on. That manager was never fired or reprimanded – Wal-Mart openly disagreed with the court findings.

How to Protect Yourself Against Workplace Abuse

If you feel you are falling victim to workplace abuse, there are steps you can take to protect yourself:

• Stand your ground. Let the other person know that you do not like their behaviour and will not tolerate it.
• Document everything. Be sure to write down what occurred, when it occurred and if anyone else witnessed the behaviour.
• Speak to a supervisor. Take the matter to someone in charge and show them your documentation. If your supervisor is the problem, try speaking to someone above them.
• File a complaint. Speak to a lawyer about filing a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (United States) or the Canadian Human Right Commission. You can only do this if you have previously reported the issue to your employer.

The post Workplace Abuse is on the Rise – How Can You Protect Yourself? appeared first on CyberParent.

As unbelievable as it seems, physical abuse (along with mental/emotional abuse) is one of the most common causes of complications during pregnancy. Abuse affects women of all ages and from all socioeconomic backgrounds. The group of women who are most at risk, however, are those who have been physically abused before.

As unbelievable as it seems, physical abuse is one of the most common causes of complications during pregnancy.

Numerous studies report from 10% to 25% of pregnant women are physically and sexually abused. At least one woman in six is abused during pregnancy. Some experts think that abuse of pregnant women is even higher.

From the NBCI, 10.6% of women reported having experienced violence, 8.9% during pregnancy and 4.9% after delivery. Of these women, 61.7% were abused only during their pregnancy, 21.7% were repeatedly abused, and 16.7% were abused only after their delivery. Sexual violence rarely occurred in the absence of physical violence.

Twenty years ago, experts with the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists told doctors that up to one-quarter of pregnant women are physically abused. They also said the abuse harms not only the women but often the babies as well.

Even when help is available, however, many abused women never seek help because:

• They are rarely allowed to leave the house and then usually only in a controlled situation.
• They may not have the money, the means of transportation, or both.
• They may be too frightened or ashamed to confront this situation.

The fact that the woman is pregnant is a risk factor for abuse in itself. Judith McFarlane, a professor in the department of nursing of Texas Woman’s University, says that abuse is one of the most common problems in pregnancy.

According to Eli Newberger in the Journal of the American Medical Association, physical and sexual abuse of pregnant women can cause several adverse birth outcomes such as fetal fracture, infection, and rupture of the mother’s uterus.

Intensifying chronic illnesses of the mother may have adverse effects on the fetus as well. Intermediate risks from abuse are elevated stress, isolation leading to inadequate access to prenatal care, and inadequate nutrition. Maternal psychological stress has been associated with depression, and stress and/or depression may have direct or indirect effects on the fetus.

Some of the pregnancy complications from abuse include:

• Miscarriages
• Stillbirths
• Fetal fractures
• Low birth-weight
• Early deliveries

Elizabeth Sussman of Penn State University states that: “Biology responds to the environment. A child will experience stress in a bad situation, and these stressors will affect the child’s hormones. An abused pregnant woman’s stressors will influence hormones present during pregnancy, affecting the woman and the unborn child. If we can intervene to prevent these stressors, we could reduce the changes in the individuals as well as their children.”

Dr. Ronald Chez of the University of South Florida, Tampa, said some women may get inadequate prenatal care because the men who abuse them forbid them to go to appointments.

Dr. M. Allen of NYU Medical Center reported the stress of abuse may hinder women’s efforts to eat right or give up cigarettes, alcohol or drugs.

If you are abused or know of such a situation, one place for battered women to turn is is the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: the federal government’s domestic violence hot line at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

The post The Problem of Physical Abuse in Pregnancy appeared first on CyberParent.

Hillary Rodham Clinton’s Press Secretary is not issuing a denial about tabloid news reports that she recently struck her husband hard enough to cause a bruise on his head. The Drudge Report story elicited only a “no comment.”

It could be that the White House sees no particular ‘fallout’ to such reports, as they assume that the reaction most people would have is that such an incident (if true) is only a minor and understandable reaction of a woman hurt by her husbands’ indiscretions.

This small picture of the Clinton’s private lives (along with a new government report the President and First Lady strongly backed) could be used however, to ask some questions that are rarely asked.

What would the reaction be if he had hit her back? What if she was the unfaithful partner and he hit her? Would that also be understandable and receive no comment?

Historians believe an earlier occupant of the White House had some similar problems. Mary Todd Lincoln threw firewood, as well as other objects, and hit Abraham Lincoln on several occasions. Times have changed in our response to domestic violence since Lincoln’s day for women, but not for men.

The Abuse of Men is Not Limited to Politicians

In Maryland, 33-year-old Kimberly Hricko was found guilty (January 1999) of not only injecting her husband Stephen with poison but then setting his body on fire.

In Washington, 34-year-old Amy Weir was charged with murdering her boyfriend, Scott Weisenborn when he asked her to move out. She cut his body up into pieces.

These recent particularly gruesome and sensational murders, however, are unlikely to receive notice from most national or state domestic violence advocates because of the victim’s gender.

The overwhelming majority of domestic violence incidents however, do not result in death. Is Hillary Clinton guilty of domestic violence? Is she a batterer? Should she be taken into custody because of this minor injury, even over his objections?

The Numbers Show that More Men are Abused than We Thought

The domestic violence arrest rate for women, under newer mandatory arrest laws in 19 states, has leaped from an average of five percent to around twenty-five percent. Police in all jurisdictions do not have the discretion they once had in dealing with domestic violence incidents.

The most recent government survey under the White House backed National Violence Against Women Act found 835,000 annual male victims of domestic violence as well as 1.5 million women victims. In other words, the largest most recent government survey whose purpose was to discover how much violence there is against women actually found out that men make up 35% of domestic violence victims. The survey, however, lumps together singular incidents of pushing, shoving, grabbing, and pulling hair with having something hard thrown, being beat up, threatened with being killed, hit, kicked, or bit.

Domestic Violence Legislation

Hillary and Bill Clinton have been strong supporters of domestic violence legislation. Like almost all government officials as well as most of the news media, they have failed to address the messy reality of domestic violence and ignored inconvenient facts and issues. Domestic violence policy is sacrosanct ground and has rarely been questioned.

But the reality does not fit the gender-feminist political theory, which governs most domestic violence programs. Lesbians assault other lesbians at the same rate heterosexual couples do, so how can such violence be attributed to a patriarchal society?

The truth is far more complicated. The majority of the incidents involving the 1.5 million women and 835,000 men a year are one-time “minor” incidents. Our policy, however, is to ignore the male victims and treat every female victim as being in the grip of a sadistic abuser. The studies and complete surveys of women seeking shelter show a different picture.

Some couples engage in a repeated pattern of mutual serious abuse, in other pairings there is only one victim. Many women and men return time and time again to abusive relationships. Women do get injured more often, but male injuries, because of the frequent use of objects by women, can also be serious or deadly. The overwhelming majority of men and women have never been abused by a partner.

Male Victims Are Rarely Heard

Bill Clinton, Abraham Lincoln, comedian Phil Hartman, actor Humphrey Bogart (stabbed in the back by one wife), are presumably ‘macho’ men. It turns out the not so famous are the same way, from the steel worker hit by his wife with a baseball bat, to the six foot five man terrorized in his sleep by his 110 pound wife with a knife, the myths about male victims do not hold up to scrutiny, nor does most of our domestic violence policy.

The problem is that objective views are rarely heard. Domestic violence policy and our reaction to these incidents wherever they occur has been focused only on women as victims-rarely as perpetrators. Perhaps activist women have been too upset over past personal and gender-group injustices to recognize that some women can become violently angry with intimate partners.

This is not just a matter of gender discrimination. These women and their families also don’t get the help they need.

Philip W. Cook is the author of Abused Men-The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence (Praeger-97).

The post The White House & Understanding Male Abuse appeared first on CyberParent.

The decision to put a loved one in a nursing home is oftentimes a difficult one. You do so with the expectation that the best care will be delivered and the nursing home is a safe place.

Unfortunately, that is not always the case since nursing home & senior abuse is a reality and one that often goes unreported. If you notice any warning signs of abuse, you should report it. Here are four ways to report nursing home abuse.

1. Contact the Adult Protective Services (APS) Office

An APS office is a social service provider that is established by each state and/or local governments nationwide, that in part, investigates and responds to complaints of cases of abuse, neglect or exploitation. They work closely with various healthcare professionals and law enforcement and vary from state to state when it comes to populations served, power of APS and scope of the program.

Once you have located the APS office, make contact and learn about the process of reporting nursing home abuse and how the agency responds. Make your report, which will be screened by a trained professional to evaluate if it meets the statutory requirements for what may constitute abuse, neglect or exploitation.

2. Call 9-1-1

Witnessing nursing home abuse first hand, provides clear grounds for calling 9-1-1. It is your right to call 9-1-1 if you are concerned about a loved one’s physical or emotional health in a nursing home. Don’t worry about repercussions because it is better to be safe than sorry.

Depending on your claim, both the paramedic and the police may show up. Paramedics would likely respond by evaluating your loved one, and if you wish, they’d have him or her taken to the hospital for further assessment and care.

Officers on the scene may take your report, do an investigation and depending on the outcome, would make the appropriate decision regarding what action needed to be taken. You may find that you need a nursing home abuse lawyer to help guide you.

3. Contact your Long-term Care Ombudsman

Each state has an Office of the State Long-term Care Ombudsman that addresses complaints and advocates for improvements in the long-term care system and residents of nursing homes.

The ombudsman office investigates and resolves complaints involving allegations of abuse, neglect, and exploitation that may adversely affect the health, safety, welfare, or rights of the nursing home resident.

They are there to be the voice of the voiceless, ensuring that the resident’s rights and quality of care are secured.

4. Talk to a Nursing Home Representative

Report abuse or suspicion of abuse immediately to a representative of the facility. A nursing home administrator, director of nursing, floor supervisor or social worker are all key leadership personnel to assist with reporting incidences of nursing home abuse.

These individuals have an obligation to perform investigations and protect those in their care.

Don’t be afraid to report nursing home abuse. The elderly is a vulnerable group and should be given proper care by those tasked with that responsibility. There are ways to report abuse, from calling 9-1-1 to contacting the office of the APS.

Hesitation could mean the difference between life and death.

The post Before It Gets out of Hand: 4 Ways to Report Nursing Home Abuse appeared first on CyberParent.

Abuse and Healing: Can an abuser actually be mentally ill? Schizophrenia is not one condition or disease but is a group of symptoms. It can include abusive behavior to others.

My name is Ariana (not my  real name) and I have a story to tell about mental illness.

My husband and I lost a son to suicide because of schizophrenia. This happened in l995 when he was 25. He’d had several attempts before, some serious and some not so serious, starting when he was in the 9th grade. We didn’t know about that one until after he was gone.

Because of the years of watching him suffer and trying everything we could think of to no avail, his death was more of a relief that he was free of his diseased brain. We grieved for his tortured life and prayed that he was now free.

I have had a passion for natural healing that has kept me reading for years. I have several books and lots of information on mental health. A naturopathic physician suggested that I share some of my information with others who might have family members who are suffering from a mental condition. At the end I will list a few books that I feel are extremely enlightening and helpful in the area of mental health.

Some of the basics I have learned are:

1. Schizophrenia is not one condition or disease but is a group of symptoms that can be caused by a number of different conditions.

2. Not every schizophrenic has the same symptoms.

3. Different kinds of mental illness can come and go in the same individual. Sometimes our son manifested schizophrenia symptoms, sometimes bi-polar, sometimes paranoia, anxiety, etc.

4 Negative thinking can change brain chemistry and bring on symptoms of mental illness or exacerbate those already present.

5. Schizophrenia brought on by some conditions fosters thoughts of suicide more than others.

6. Schizophrenia is a physical disease or condition with other physical as well as mental symptoms.

7. What we eat matters to our mental health, though the same foods are not right for everyone.

8. There are several biotypes, each of which can be helped by a different protocol.

9. The only permanent cure for mental illness comes from using natural methods such as those used by Orthomolecular Psychiatrists. Drugging a patient only masks symptoms.

I don’t intend to try to treat anyone. I’m not trained for that. I can recommend books by authors who are extremely knowledgeable in the field of Orthomolecular Psychiatry.

There are two psychiatrists, namely, Carl Pfeiffer (who is now deceased) and Abram Hoffer, who were the pioneers in the field of Orthomolecular Psychiatry. Their emphasis is in testing the individual showing symptoms of mental illness, then supplying natural substances, not drugs, to achieve a balance that is necessary to regain mental health. These substances differ with each patient.

Their success is remarkable. During treatment, which may be life long, the patient is not drugged, but is taking only natural substances.

Some of the things that can cause mental symptoms are pellegra, vitamin and mineral deficiencies and excesses, essential fatty acid imbalances, sugar imbalances, high blood pressure, brain allergies, etc.

Listed below are the books I have that I’ve found very helpful to my learning. I hope they give hope to someone else. There is much that can be done.

These are some of the books that I think are extremely helpful.

1. Healing the Mind the Natural Way by Pat Lazarus. This is probably the best introductory book.

2. Natural Healing for Schizophrenia and Other Common Mental Disorders by Eva Edelman This is an extremely enlightening book but difficult to read, particularly for the beginner.

3. Nutrition and Mental Illness-An Orthomolecular Approach to Balancing Body Chemistry by Carl Pfeiffer, M.D., Ph.D. Carl Pfeiffer found nutritional causes of psychotic disorders.

4. Brain Allergies: The Psychonutrient Connection Including Brain Allergies Today : An Update by William Philpott, M.D. and Dwight Kalita Ph.D.

5. Mental and Elemental Nutrients:  A Physician’s Guide to Nutrition and Health by Carl Pfeiffer, M.D., Ph.D. This classic book is out-of-print and thus has limited availability. Try a used book store.

6. Common Questions on Schizophrenia and Their Answers by Abram Hoffer, M.D., Ph.D. This classic in its field is no longer available.

The post Abuse & Mental Illness appeared first on CyberParent.

Sometimes we adapt so well to verbal abuse, we do not realize it is happening. Although we keep trying to make life better, we have adapted to being diminished, blamed, and discounted.

In her book Verbal Abuse, Survivors Speak Out, Patricia Evans suggests you try the following exercise to determine if you are being verbally abused.

In a private place like a notebook or journal you can hide, record two or three recent incidents with your mate. Then exchange roles in your imagination. Imagine yourself acting his/her part and vice versa.

Ask yourself these questions:

1. Does the conversation sound like a conversation between two friends?

2. Is it easy for you to imagine talking like him/her? You are not necessarily talking about the same things. For example, you might substitute “a movie” for “a ballgame” or vice versa.

3. Is it easy for you to imagine him/her talking like you?

4. Does each of you show good will and an effort to understand the other?

5. Is there any ordering or blaming going on?

Evans writes, “Abusive men stop at nothing to squelch, put down, correct, criticize, belittle, trivialize, ignore, snub, sneer at, and, when all else fails, put on displays of rage in order to dominate and control their mates.”

While healthy teasing and ‘joking around’ may be present in a relationship, name calling can often be deadly.

From the List of Controlling Behaviors compiled by women of The Marin Abused Women’s Services and by men in the Men Allied Nationally Against Living in Violent Environments (MANALIVE) program comes these three objectives of verbal abuse to accomplish the destruction of your partner.

Three objectives of verbal abuse

1. Diminish partner by making him/her seem less than he is.

2. “Thingingfy” him/her–make a thing out of partner.

3. Threaten partner.

Men or women may actually believe they have a right to control and dominate, or have power over, others. However, as the divorce rates began to escalate and domestic violence increasing, the entire question of dominance, control and oppression has come under scrutiny.

For the most part, victims of verbal abuse have lived in isolation, each thinking he/she was the only one suffering. This made it hard to define the cause of suffering, plus… the survivors have almost all been blamed for their suffering.

In addition, all survivors of verbal abuse have lowered self-esteem, no matter how much they may try to ignore it.

Evans writes, “The survivors of verbal abuse consistently reported that they came to believe what they were hearing.”

In the verbally abusive relation, control is the issue. “I love you” usually means “I want to get you and control you.”

When a person believes someone loves her/him, it is hard to believe that person would against her/him “subtly, covertly, sometimes overtly, and always hurtfully.”

Many survivors did not what what was wrong in their relationship–mistakenly blaming themselves, their partners’ drug or alcohol abuse, their partners’ childhood, job, etc.

Evans writes, “To live fully, creatively, and enthusiastically requires that the survivors of verbal abuse know fully what they have encountered and how many of them there are. With this knowledge they can break the taboos and bring about change.”

The post How Damaging is Name Calling in a Relationship & how to Identify Verbal Abuse appeared first on CyberParent.

Our society still sees women as nonviolent peacemakers, the victims of men, perhaps, but not as aggressors against men.

The fact that women are more likely to be severely injured in domestic violence adds to the problem of recognizing male abuse.

Health care professionals often do not even think of abuse as a potential explanation. When they see an injury, they accept even a fairly lame explanation.

For example, on seeing a bruised man, they are quick to accept a work-related accident or “a week-end game of football with the guys.” Men find it harder to discuss pain then women and even harder to admit to being a victim. In addition, men often have more hazardous occupations than women and certainly show more physical aggression to each other than women show to other women.

All of this makes it easy for the health care professional to accept an injury explanation other than domestic violence. Even a mugging might be more acceptable than a female beating.

Unless the report is of a woman wielding an iron skillet or throwing a flower pot, of course. The so-called humorous side of abuse is more acceptable to a male ego.

When a man does report domestic violence, he often encounters law enforcement professionals who are quick to believe his female aggressor rather than him. If it seems pretty unbelievable that a single female would stay in an abusive relationship, why would a single male?

Abused men are as likely as their female counterparts to have low self-esteem. In addition, a male victim also has to deal with the examination of his masculinity.

Men and women often come to believe that it is their fault that they are abused; they are somehow responsible for what happened. Men are also in denial! This should not happen to man, therefore it is not happening.

And men, as well as women, hope things will get better. The woman he “loves” will quit when they are better adjusted, or her job is not so frustrating, or the children get more responsible.

Pretty much the same excuses women make for remaining with men who batter them.

The post Male Abuse & Self Esteem appeared first on CyberParent.

Men: If you suspect your present or last relationship was abusive, you should read this book.

Verbal as well as physical abuse by women is the reason behind some divorces and relationship endings, even if that reason is never given or even realized by the men and women involved.

Men: Was Your Last Relationship Abusive?

Although it is a little known fact, men as well as women are abused in relationships.

Many men in abusive relationships either don’t realize they are being abused or can not admit, even to themselves, that a woman could abuse them.

Verbal as well as physical abuse by women is the reason behind some divorces and relationship endings, even if that reason is never given or even realized by the men and women involved.

Sometimes abuse is dismissed as PMS or “just the way women are so emotional.”But if you suspect your present or last relationship was abusive, you should read this book. This eye-opening book begins by examining the most common misconceptions about the issue of male abuse.

After laying the groundwork for a serious reconsideration of how society thinks about domestic violence, Cook allows a number of abused men to tell their stories.

He then puts these experiences in the context of what therapists and others who have worked with such men know about domestic violence and how the male victim is similar to, yet different from, his female counterpart.

Cook shows how the abused man, his friends and family, and the abusive or abused woman can come to grips with domestic violence.

Abused Men – The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence explores a range of peoples views from Emmy-Award winning actress Judith Light, to news reporters, sociologists,attorneys, and many others as they explain the resistance to and the acceptance of,domestic violence against men as a significant social problem.

Abused Men – The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence offers gripping, emotional stories, self-help for victims and those concerned about them, and provocative insight into public issues, and provides a basic reference source for professionals.

This work presents practical solutions for reducing domestic violence, whether its victims are male or female.

Drawing from a variety of sources, the final chapter of the book brings the diverse elements together and proposes practical low-cost solutions for reducing domestic violence whether its victims are male or female.

The author is a former broadcast journalist who won awards from the Associated Press and The Professional Journalism Society. He has been a director of news at several major market radio stations, and has also been a television news reporter and anchor.

Abused Men – The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence is a book any man should read if he even has a nagging suspicion he has been or is being abused.

The post Abused Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence Book Review appeared first on CyberParent.

Although pregnancy should be a time of peace and happiness, that is often not the case for many women.

Verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse often escalates during pregnancy.

According to psychotherapist Bob Carver, emotional abuse can take many forms.

Forms of Mental-Emotional Abuse

• Extramarital affairs
• Provocative behavior with opposite sex
• Humiliation and put-downs
• Hypercriticism
• Refusal to communicate
• Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice
• Unreasonable jealousy
• Extreme moodiness
• “I love you but…”
• “If you don’t shape up, I will…”
• Domination and control
• Withdrawal of affection.

The fact that the woman is pregnant is a risk factor for abuse in itself. In fact, Judith McFarlane, a professor in the department of nursing of Texas Woman’s University says that abuse is one of the most common problems in pregnancy.

Abuse affects women of all ages and from all socioeconomic backgrounds.

Effects on the fetus

According to Eli Newberger in the Journal of the American Medical Association, maternal psychological stress has been associated with depression, and stress and/or depression may have direct or indirect effects on the fetus.

Elizabeth Sussman of Penn State University said “Biology responds to the environment,” she said. “A child will experience stress in a bad situation, and these stressors will affect the child’s hormones. An abused pregnant woman’s stressors will influence hormones present during pregnancy, affecting the woman and the unborn child. If we can intervene to prevent these stressors, we could reduce the changes in the individuals as well as their children.”

CyberParent: A Readers’ Story:

Although I was probably being verbally abused before I was pregnant, it certainly got worse while I was pregnant. The abuse took the form of general sarcasm, kidding me about my appearance, pointing out supposed defects in my personality that would make me a bad mother, and even complaining that physical relations were no fun with a fat, pregnant lady.

He even started to say that he doubted if the child was his–but that was after he started having an affair with a lady who lived in the neighborhood.

As soon as he found out our baby was a girl, he started complaining about wanting a son–one day the baby was not his–the next day he was upset that he was not going to have a son.

What started off as making me feel slightly off-center, got worse and worse. By the time our beautiful daughter was born, he was occationally pushing me around.

After the baby was born, it seemed to ease a bit, although looking back, maybe I was just immune to it–the excitement and exhaustion of a new baby and all.

To make a long story short, I got pregnant again when our daughter was 10 months old.

The emotional abuse started to get bad again as soon as I told him.

When I was about three months pregnant, he got really angry because he said I was not paying “attention” to him and started to shake me.

That was a turning point. Although it took me another month or so to get my life together and leave him, I did leave.

Certainly he came after me and begged me to come “home” where I belonged. But, by that time, I had read two books about emotional abuse and was sure that his home was not the home my children and I deserved.

My son is five years old now. His dad is somewhat in the picture but he has a new victim for a wife. She is now pregnant. I pity her but am thankful every day that it is not me going through another pregnancy with that man.

The post Mental-Emotional Abuse of Pregnant Women appeared first on CyberParent.

Physical abuse is a serious problem, and unfortunately it is all too common even with the awareness that exists today.

If you feel you may be being abused, or know someone who is, Ask yourself the questions below.

Physical Abuse Quiz – Questions:

1. Do you have a plan in case the danger escalates and you decide to leave your spouse or lover?
2. Is he/she extremely jealous of you?
3. Do you believe he/she is capable of seriously injuring you or your children?
4. Are you spending most of your time trying not to make him/her mad?
5. Has he/she threatened you, your children, or other family members in the past?

If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you may be in serious danger and should seek help now!

More Questions

1. Have you ever thought that ‘it’s time’ you and your children seek help?
2. Do you feel as though you need immediate police protection
3. Do you need a safe shelter?
4. Did he/she grow up in a violent family?
5. Does your partner keep a gun or other weapon in your home?
6. Is he/she abusing alcohol or drugs?
7. Is he/she threatening you, your children, or other family members?
8. Do you believe he/she is capable of killing you or your children?

If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you are in serious danger and should seek help now. Now, not tomorrow!

The post Abuse: A Quiz About Physical Abuse of Men or Women appeared first on CyberParent.

The following is a poem via an unknown author that discusses 3 Monkeys and their observation of humans.

Three Monkeys Poem

Three monkeys sat in a coconut tree
Discussing things as they are said to be

Said one to the others, “Now listen, you two,
There’s a rumor around that can’t be true

That man descended from our noble race
The very idea is a great disgrace.”

“No monkey has ever deserted his wife
Starved her babies and ruined her life

And you’ve never known a mother monk
To leave her babies with others to bunk

Or pass from one on to another
Till they scarcely knew who is their mother.”

“Here’s another thing a monkey won’t do
Go out at night and get in a stew

Or use a gun or club or knife
To take some other monkey’s life

Yes, man descended, the ornery cuss
“But, brother, he didn’t descend from us.”

CyberParent thanks Bob Anderson for his contribution to the Abuse Web

The post Three Monkeys Agree ‘Tis Man’s Disgrace! (A Proverbial Wisdom Poem) appeared first on CyberParent.

Child abuse rarely involves a stranger in a dark alleyway nabbing children.

The frightening reality is that the majority of children who are abused suffer at the hands of someone they know – and that someone knows exactly how to manipulate the child to avoid getting caught.

The abuse is methodically planned out and rarely ever just happens. It’s a lengthy process that can take weeks, months, and even years – this is known as grooming.

However, you can help prevent child abuse, whether it is your own child or someone you know, by recognizing the signs of grooming.

Here are the 6 stages of grooming to watch out for:

Stage 1: Targeting the Victim

A perpetrator’s first step is finding their victim. They will often target children whom they see as vulnerable, emotionally needy, and isolated with low self-esteem.

They will use social media platforms (Facebook, Snapchat, etc.) to direct message children and initiate their abuse process privately.

Stage 2: Creating a Bond

Once they have chosen their victim, the abuser will gain their trust and gather information. They pay particular attention to the child’s needs and offer ways in which they can fill them.

But not all abuse happens online. Perpetrators will also gain the trust of the child’s parents and other adults around them by helping and becoming “part of the family.”

This way, if the child does talk about the abuse, it’s less likely that the adults in their life will believe them because the abuser is such as “good person.”

Stage 3: Filling That Need

Once the perpetrator has gathered information about the child, they will then offer the child what they are “missing” in their life, such as attention and affection through flattery, compliments, and support.

They may also offer gifts, including drugs and alcohol.

Once the child feels their needs are being met, they become dependent on the abuser.

At this stage, children will often break rules, and once these rules are broken, the abuser has a secret they can use against the child as a threat.

Stage 4: Isolating the Child

In this stage of grooming, the offender creates situations in which they are alone with the child using their “special” relationship – granting them access to the child while isolating them from their parents.

The parents may not even realize what is happening, believing this amazing family friend simply wants to spend time with and treat the child.

Stage 5: Abuse

Sexual abuse typically does not happen until this stage, but now that dependency has been established, sexualized behaviors begin.

Abusers begin by normalizing this behavior in small ways, such as “accidentally” walking in while the child is changing, tickling, wrestling, and cuddling under a blanket.

The abuser is checking to see how the child reacts before they push further. They are also manipulating the child’s sexual preferences and manipulating them into feeling excited about the touching.

The child will eventually begin to define the relationship as special and accept that sexual touching is a normal part of the experience.

Stage 6: Control

The last stage of grooming involves the abuser controlling the child through blame, threats, secrecy, and sometimes violence. They will also use the child’s affections to maintain their continued participation and silence.

How to Prevent Child Sexual Abuse

Now that you understand the stages of grooming, there are ways that you can avoid this situation, even during the grooming process.

Talk to Your Child About Their Body

Abusers are not likely to target children they believe will tell an adult about the situation. This is why it’s essential that you speak to your child about consent from a very young age.

Begin by teaching your child the appropriate names for body parts and the difference between good touch and bad touch.

Allow your child to make decisions about their body by encouraging them to say “no” when they don’t want to be touched by others (even in nonsexual ways, such as hugging or tickling).

Also, give them age-appropriate privacy. For instance, if your child is old enough to take a bath by themselves and they don’t want you in the bathroom, respect that boundary.

Talk to Your Child About Trust and Secrets

Ensure your child knows they can talk to you about anything without getting into trouble. You want to create an open environment of trust where your child feels comfortable approaching you about things that make them feel confused or uncomfortable.

You should also teach your child about the difference between good secrets (like a surprise birthday party) and bad secrets (those that make your child feel uncomfortable and unsafe).

Monitor Technology Use and Educate Your Child

Kids at very young ages are on the internet and cell phones, so monitoring these activities is important. Keep an eye on your child’s contact list for people you don’t recognize.

Educate your child about how to use the internet safely. Teach them about the dangers of sharing personal information and trusting strangers that contact them online.

How Can I Tell If a Child is Being Groomed?

Perhaps you’re not involved enough in the child’s life to see the interactions they have with other adults, but there are ways to tell if a child is being groomed and sexually abused:

• The child may seem withdrawn from their normal life and activities.
• They may exhibit new behavioral problems at school.
• The child has unexplained new gifts like toys and clothes (but they don’t want to talk about where they came from).
• They talk a lot about a particular adult or older child.
• They won’t talk about what they do with that adult or older child (or they lie about it).
• They are getting a lot of messages from someone they only know online.
• They have a much older boyfriend or girlfriend.
• They won’t talk about their thoughts and feelings.

The actual relationship between the child and the adult may look like a normal adult-child relationship, so it’s important to understand how grooming affects the child so you can recognize the signs.

What Do I Do If I Suspect a Child is Being Groomed?

If you suspect that a child is being groomed, you can report your suspicions to your local child protection service or the police – whether it’s happening in person, online, or both.

If it is your own child, immediately limit your child’s interactions with the person you suspect is grooming them – and absolutely don’t let them be alone with your child!

Ask your child about their relationship by having a safe conversation with no judgment.

And, of course, contact the proper authorities.

Protecting Our Children

It’s unfortunate and sick that there are individuals out there who will dedicate so much time and energy to a child simply to abuse them.

However, as adults, we can take steps to ensure this doesn’t happen and ensure that children suffering from this abuse get the help they need.

Please share this article to help others understand the stages of grooming and recognize the signs so they too can help prevent child sexual abuse.

The post Recognizing the Signs of Child Grooming appeared first on CyberParent.

When we think about abusive relationships, we often think of someone being hit or physically assaulted by their partner.

However, there’s another form of abuse that is prevalent in toxic relationships that are used to control and manipulate partners.

Emotional abuse isn’t always recognizable – but it’s present in so many relationships.

If your relationship is leaving you feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted, it may be worth considering if you are suffering at the hands of emotional abuse.

What is an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?

Emotional abuse does not always involve physical violence, but it is a form of domestic abuse that creates psychological harm.

Relationships become emotionally abusive when a pattern of abuse happens over and over. One or two incidents can be chalked up to fights and arguments, but several incidents will create an abusive dynamic in a relationship.

These incidents include things like verbal threats, manipulative and controlling behavior, insults, gaslighting, and isolating you from other people.

The type of treatment in a relationship can result in anxiety, depression, and PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder).

Types of Emotional Abuse

In order to help you fully understand what emotional abuse is, let’s look at the different types of emotional abuse:

• Intimidation
• Bullying
• Ridicule
• Coercion
• Harassment
• Isolation
• Silent
• Manipulation
• Control
• Threats

It’s important to note that the different types of emotional abuse in a relationship include behaviors that happen over time.

For instance, calling someone “stupid” in the heat of an argument is not emotional abuse. Constantly calling them “stupid” as a means of belittling is.

We are all human beings who experience complex emotions every day, so we can’t simply call foul on everyone who hurts our feelings and call it “emotional abuse.”

However, if these behaviors persist and don’t change after an open and honest conversation, you need to explore the type of relationship you are involved in.

To help you with that, here are more signs of an emotionally abusive relationship:

Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Emotional abuse can be difficult to recognize compared to physical abuse, and the treatment typically starts as subtle behavior and escalates over time.

However, if you feel that you may be involved in an emotionally abusive relationship, here are some signs to look out for:

Jealousy

Jealousy is not a sign of a healthy relationship. It is a controlling behavior that frames possessiveness as positive feelings.

You may think your partner cares about you if they are jealous, but they are trying to control you and limit your access to things like money and friendships.

They may expect you to answer their calls and texts immediately, question what you are doing, openly dislike your friends and accuse you of cheating with no evidence.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic emotional abusers will use to make their partners question their reality, such as blaming you for their own terrible behaviors.

They may say that they never said something you remember them saying or telling you that you are crazy and that other people are lying to you.

Ultimatums

An emotionally abusive partner may hold your relationship hostage by threatening to break up if you don’t do what you want them to do.

Or, in extreme cases, they may threaten suicide or self-harm if you try to end the relationship.

This is known as emotional blackmail, and it creates a dynamic of control because their affection relies on you meeting their requirements.

Insults and Mean Jokes

In an emotionally abusive relationship, the abuser may put you down or insult you.

This typically starts as mean jokes, so they can accuse you of being overly sensitive or taking things too seriously when you get upset.

What Does Emotional Abuse Do?

Emotional abuse is used to destroy the self-esteem and confidence of the victim, so they are easier to control and manipulate.

Along with decreased self-esteem and confidence, victims also suffer from a lack of self-worth and identity.

After being under the control of someone else for an extended period of time, it becomes difficult to make independent decisions and trust other people.

While these effects occur during the relationship, they can last even after the relationship is over.

Here are some other side-effects of emotional abuse:

• Feelings of confusion
• Anxiety
• Shame
• Guilt
• Frequent crying
• Emotional numbness
• Over-compliance (People Pleasing)
• Powerlessness

How to Deal With an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

It may take multiple attempts for you to leave the emotionally abusive relationship, but it is possible!

You may be hesitant to break up because you have children together, your partner provides you with financial stability, or you don’t have the confidence to leave.

However, there are ways you can get out of an emotionally abusive relationship and deal with your mental health afterward:

Talk to Someone

Emotional abusers treat their victims in specific ways to create confusion so their partners become dependent on them and are less likely to leave.

The first step in dealing with an emotionally abusive relationship is to talk to someone. This could be a friend, a family member, an online support group, or a therapist.

You need to start building a supportive network and talking about your experience to make sense of it.

Safety Plan

Emotional abuse can escalate to physical abuse, so you need to come up with a safety plan to get out of the relationship quickly and with as little conflict as possible.

This involves saving money, planning where you will go, and how you will get there.

Put Yourself First

Going through an abusive relationship can take a toll on your mental health, so while you are making plans and leaving the relationship, you need to prioritize your well-being.

Figure what makes you feel calm, relaxed, and distracted from the situation, and incorporate these activities into your daily life.

Click here to check out some self-care ideas.

Supports and Resources to Find Help

It’s completely normal to feel scared when leaving an emotionally abusive relationship – but you are not alone!

There are many resources out there to help you navigate this tough situation.

Crisis Text Line

• If you are in the United States or Canada, text “Home” to 741741.
• In the UK, text “Home” to 85258.
• In Ireland, text “Home” to 50808.

Hotlines

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-779-SAFE (7233)
• Safe Horizon Hotline: 1-800-621-HOPE (4673)

Websites

• Safe Horizon
• Love is Respect
• 7Cups
• The Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness

If you are ever in immediate danger, do not hesitate to call 911 or your country’s local emergency number!

Emotional Abuse in Relationships – You’re Not Alone!

While it is unfortunate to think that there are many people out there suffering from emotional abuse in relationships, this means that you are not alone.

If you are suffering from emotional abuse in a relationship, you likely feel isolated. However, it’s important to know that there is someone out there that completely understands your situation.

Never hesitate to reach out, even if it’s online. Connecting with those who share your experience is both liberating and validating.

This will help you leave the relationship and begin your healing journey.

Check out these articles for more information about emotional abuse and what you can do:

• “I love you, but…” – Understanding Mental, Emotional and Psychological Abuse
• Females and Abuse: Mental, Verbal & Emotional
• What is a Toxic Relationship? How Do You Know If You’re In One?

The post Emotional Abuse in Relationships: What Does It Look Like? appeared first on CyberParent.

It seems that nowadays, the word “narcissist” is a buzz term being thrown all over the place to describe someone who is, for lack of a better term, an a-hole.

But narcissism is an actual diagnosable mental health condition that involves a number of specific symptoms and behaviors that can lead to emotional abuse and long-term effects for the victims.

Yet the same can be said when it comes to toxic individuals.

So, what’s the difference?

Simply put, the label is the difference. Both narcissistic and toxic individuals can cause significant emotional damage to others.

Can We Call People Narcissists?

Unless you are a mental health professional who can directly examine the person and diagnose them as narcissistic, we technically can’t call them narcissists.

At least not in an official capacity.

What we can do is refer to toxic people as having narcissistic traits. We can talk about narcissism in order to understand a toxic person’s behaviors.

Overall, all narcissists are toxic, but not all toxic individuals are narcissists – but they can be narcissistic.

But just because someone is toxic and irresponsible doesn’t mean they are a narcissist.

Why Does It Matter What We Call Them?

Simply put, overusing the term narcissist to describe someone who acts selfishly or rubs us the wrong way trivializes the experiences of those who have suffered abuse from an actual narcissist.

However, there is nothing wrong with referring to someone as a “narcissist” based on an understanding of what narcissism is and how you are affected by their behavior.

By recognizing that someone may be a narcissist (again, we can’t diagnose), you can come up with strategies to deal with their toxicity, whether you are in a relationship, trying to leave one, trying to parent with an ex-partner or have a narcissistic parent.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental condition where a person possesses an inflated sense of importance and requires constant attention to support their fragile self-esteem.

They behave in ways that hurt other people and make forming meaningful relationships next to impossible.

Here are some common signs of narcissism:

• They act superior to others and always have to be the best, right, and most competent and intelligent.
• They constantly need attention but what they do receive is never enough.
• They want everything to be perfect and have an idea in their head of how life should play out.
• They manipulate and control others to get what they want (whether that’s admiration or something tangible).
• They don’t respect boundaries and believe that they are entitled to everything.
• They blame others for everything and don’t take responsibility for their words or actions.
• They can’t understand how other people feel and struggle to empathize.
• If anything goes against the way they see themselves and the world, they see this as a threat.

In order to receive an official diagnosis of NPD, an individual must display five characteristics out of a list of specific criteria.

So, if someone only exhibits one or two signs, they aren’t necessarily a narcissist – but they are definitely toxic!

How to Deal with a Narcissist or Toxic Person

Ultimately, whether they are narcissistic or toxic, dealing with them can be frustrating, but both types of people can be handled in the same way.

It all starts by understanding why that person does what they do.

For instance, if they start arguments because they need that attention, don’t get pulled into arguments. Ignore their ploys to create conflict, and don’t defend yourself when they throw around insults (it won’t change the way they think of you anyway).

If they tend to put you down and then love on you, they are using this cycle to maintain control of you. Don’t excuse their bad behavior because they can lay on the charm when they feel you are pulling away.

You can use tactics like parallel parenting if you are trying to co-parent with someone who is toxic or narcissistic.

Overall, you can choose how you react to their behavior. Minimizing your reactions can help you avoid manipulative treatment.

Spotting Narcissists and Toxic People Early On

Most of the abuse suffered at the hands of a narcissist or toxic person happens in relationships.

By knowing what to look for when meeting and dating people, you can avoid this situation altogether!

Here are some red flags you should watch for:

• They push the relationship into something serious too fast.
• They exaggerate or amplify their accomplishments and don’t pay attention to yours.
• They are always the victim in every story they tell, and everything bad that has happened to them is someone else’s fault.
• They are rude and abusive if they don’t get what they want.

The Difference Between Narcissists and Toxic People

The only real difference between narcissists and toxic people is that in order for a narcissist to be diagnosed as a narcissist, they have to display very specific and detrimental behaviors.

A toxic person can have narcissistic traits, but how many they have can vary.

The important thing to know is that labels don’t matter when it comes to dealing with people who hurt and abuse you.

Understanding their behaviors and why they act the way they do is key to dealing with them and minimizing the effects they have on your mental health.

The post Toxic People Versus Narcissists: Is There a Difference? appeared first on CyberParent.