Kristina Iacono—3 min read—Client resource

Have you ever been in a season that’s hard and uncomfortable? A season where you are just ready to get through it and enter into a more enjoyable season? Maybe you’ve been like me and think you can speed things along and move through the season faster. Like somehow we think we can control the speed at which we go through a season. I’m learning the harder I try to speed things along, the slower the season seems to go. Can you relate?

I caught myself doing this recently. I pulled into the parking lot of a local fast food restaurant and realized the drive-thru line was really long. I didn’t want to wait in the long line, so I decided to go inside instead, thinking it would be faster. God has a way of humbling us because going inside took twice as long as going through the drive-thru.

While this is a simple example, I think there is truth to this, especially in our spiritual life. Sometimes there are seasons that are joyful and exciting, while others are challenging and painful. We wish the former lasted forever and the latter hurried to an end. We don’t like sitting in those seasons, at least I don’t. So, what do we do in times that seem like they’re never going to end?

Sometimes in the dry seasons, we have to wrestle with God to acknowledge what is going on at a deeper level, at a heart and soul level. We want God to show us why we are so discontent. What is He trying to show us that we’re choosing not to work through? It’s often in those dry seasons that God is changing and molding us into who He wants us to be. Here’s some encouragement if you find yourself in this season.

Stay Rooted In God And His Word
In times of wrestling, we want to stay connected to God. We want to abide in Him. We want to remain and dwell in a close and continuous relationship with Christ. This may require spending more time with Him than in past seasons. We’re not in this alone. God is right there with us.

We also want to remember we have His word and His promises. We don’t have to fear the future. He wants us to focus on Him instead. To seek Him daily. We are to cling to Him and hold tight to His Word. He will lead us and guide us through this season.

Are you spending time with God and in His Word daily? If not, let today be the day you start. You don’t need a plan (though Habakkuk could be a good place to start), nor do you need to have everything figured out; just come as you are. He will guide you through the rest.

Surrender Control To Our Sovereign God
Oftentimes, we want to rush through the difficult seasons because they force us to face our fears, anxieties, and questions we’ve been trying to hide or avoid. God can handle our questions, doubts, and emotions. He wants us to bring those to Him. He is All-Knowing, so He knows exactly what will happen regarding the decision, circumstance, or outcome weighing on you. Surrender it to God and trust He will guide you where He wants you to go. This also requires us to surrender to His perfect timing, which is not our timing. However, when we look back at past seasons and see God’s faithfulness in and through them, we can remember that He is still faithful today. Romans 8:28 tells us He will work everything out for His glory and our good.

We can also work through those fears and anxieties in the community He has brought us into. God doesn’t expect us to face these things on our own. We have brothers and sisters who want to come alongside us to encourage us and speak truth to us. A loving and supportive community of believers is necessary, even vital, because we don’t want to go through these struggles alone.

So, what fears, anxieties, circumstances, or outcomes are you trying to control that God has called you to surrender to Him and trust Him with? Do you have a local body of believers who will walk with you through the struggles and fears? If you don’t, I would encourage you to pray for the Lord to provide you with one.

See What He Is Going To Do
I think sometimes we focus so much on what we don’t have – the decision, the outcome, the answered prayer – that we forget what we do have. Life with Christ. The Holy Spirit is living in us. Our time on earth is temporary; Heaven is eternal. Sometimes we need to refocus and change our perspective. We can continue to run the race set before us by His strength and for His glory when we keep eternity in mind. We don’t want to focus so much on the journey that we forget where we are going. We also don’t want to focus so much on where we are going that we stumble along the way. I think we want to focus on both the journey and the destination.

So if you feel you are in a season of wrestling, stay connected to God, surrender your fears and struggles to Him, and keep your eyes on the ways He’s working in your life. The hardest seasons bring the most beautiful views. This season is hard; I get it, but it will be worth it when you get to the other side. Don’t sell yourself short of the blessings God has waiting for you. Take your eyes off your circumstances, and place them on Jesus because perspective changes everything.

Elizabeth Ballard—7 min read—Client resource

I hate to tell you this, but attending counseling sessions is not enough to make the changes you want to see.

Of course, as a counselor, I believe externally processing difficult circumstances and how they affect you is essential. However, it is also what happens between counseling sessions that can lead to long-term transformation (or keep you feeling stuck).

A counseling professor and mentor of mine once said, “outside of God, you are the most powerful person in your life.” I love this, because it emphasizes both our dependence on our sovereign Lord as well as the agency he grants us.

With that in mind, how can we be agents of positive change in our own hearts, minds, and bodies?

First, we are holistic beings: We are not just bodies to please, as the Hedonists believe, nor is our essence solely spiritual, rendering the material immaterial, as Gnosticism affirms. Instead, God formed us from physical dust and animated us with spiritual breath (Gen. 2:7), so that our personhood consists not just of our insides or outsides but everything as a whole. Our physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual well-being are inextricably linked. 

So, what are some steps you can take outside of each counseling session to enhance its effectiveness? How can we pursue healthiness holistically?

And by the way, the pursuit of health and holiness are not diametrically opposed. Caring for your (whole) self well is not selfishness but stewardship, additionally positioning you to show up well for other people. Sometimes we forget that to “love your neighbor as yourself” (originally found in Lev. 19:18, then quoted seven times in the New Testament) assumes that you already love and care for yourself. 

It does take effort and discipline to break bad habits and form better ones. But it is worth it, because, as Justin Whitmel Earley says in his recent book The Body Teaches the Soul, “When our heads go one way, and our habits go another, the heart follows the habit. This is the biblical wisdom of spiritual formation (9).”

That said, here are some areas to assess and consider adjusting that, with faithful practice, will make a difference over time:

1. What are you consuming?

Take a look at what you’re taking in. Are there harmful and/or addictive substances you are putting into your body (such as tobacco, drugs, too much alcohol, excessive sugar, heavily processed food, or too much caffeine)? Are there sources (i.e. whole foods, necessary medications, and plenty of water) that you need to prioritize to function and feel your best?

The application isn’t limited to eating and drinking. What kind of media are you consuming? What is your personalized social media algorithm feeding you? Are your senses feasting on what is poisoning your heart and mind? Are there more edifying inputs from which your soul would benefit? Scripture reading and theologically sound worship music/hymns are obvious ones, but it’s also beneficial to enjoy truth and beauty through avenues like nature and the arts.

2. What are you developing?

Now let’s look at your output. What are you producing? What skills are you honing? What muscles are you building?

The evidence for how exercise improves both our physical and mental health is incontrovertible. Are you moving your body at least 150 minutes a week? Could you start slow with a walk around your neighborhood, perhaps making it a prayer walk as you thank God for the good gift of his creation? How might challenging physical activity remind you that you can do hard things? Acting out the metaphor of muscles being torn, broken down, and built up can remind you that other struggles can similarly build endurance, character, and hope (Romans 5:3-5).

What creative or recreational outlets are you pursuing? What brings you joy? Sometimes when we are depressed, we don’t feel like doing anything at all. The best medicine is often to make our bodies get up and do something we know we enjoy.

Whom are you serving? Service is one of the best antidotes for self-focused self-pity. Remember, “humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.”

3. How are you spending your (limited) resources?

As finite beings, we don’t have an infinite capacity. Our time and energy are limited. To what are you devoting yours?

One way many people live in denial of their limitations is by neglecting good sleep habits. God invites–commands–us to follow his example and rest (Gen. 2), and Jesus frequently prioritized rest in his earthly life. Though it can feel like we are cutting back on our “efficiency” or “productivity,” quality sleep actually enhances both as we are better able to function in alignment with our design. Start by going to bed and waking up at roughly the same time every day (shooting for around 8 hours total) and limiting screentime a few hours before sleep.

Additionally, we have limited capacity for relationships. Anthropologist Robin Dunbar posited that we are able to manage 150 meaningful connections at a time, with only a handful of those being really close. So, we simply cannot invest in every person we encounter. Who are the people we want to prioritize time with? Which relationships suck us dry, making it harder to devote time and energy to those who are more mutually encouraging and/or sharpening (Prov. 27:17)?

4. When do you need to let go and/or lament? 

Do these ideas overwhelm you because you worry you can’t perform them all perfectly? Let go of the idea of perfection; only one perfect Person has ever walked this earth. Are you afraid to fail? Trying often helps you realize it’s not actually as scary as your anxiety is telling you. Do you feel frustrated because many of these things seem unattainable due to illness, injury, disability, or season of life? Do the honest work of grieving those realities. And be realistic about what you can do instead of dwelling on what you can’t.

Lastly, is there anything you need to let go of through forgiveness? This doesn’t guarantee reconciliation or restored trust, and that is worth lamenting, too. Are there lopsided, dysfunctional, or destructive relationships you need to take a step back from in some way? Are there friendships you once believed were lifelong but turned out to have just been for a season? I’m not sure if anything in life aches as much as broken or bruised relationships. Sometimes they can be mended. But other times, we must lament and let go of what we can’t fix (at least on our own).

For all these, take comfort in the many psalms of lament. Name the pain. Be honest. Cry. Cry out to Jesus. Agree with him that this brokenness is not how it should be. But don’t let bitterness grow by giving God the cold shoulder and wallowing in all that is wrong. Look up. Let go. Cast your cares on him because he cares for you (Psalm 55:22, 1 Peter 5:7). Again and again and again.

Practical step: Take a lifestyle inventory of a typical week. Record your daily routine: what you do, what you eat, when you exercise, when you wake up and go to bed, etc. Also take inventory of your relationships. Which ones are life-giving? Which ones are strained? Are there any unhealthy patterns? Any areas in which you feel motivated to make changes? Discuss them with a counselor or other trusted person who can provide feedback and accountability. 

If any of these recommendations sound far-fetched or, frankly, you just don’t feel like doing them, let me offer one more encouragement/exhortation from The Body Teaches the Soul:

“Acting out [an] emotion helps you feel the emotion more strongly, and that physical design is a gift! A gift of having a frontal lobe is that instead of having to wait to feel an emotion you ought to feel, you can use your upper brain (which is so good at knowing the truth) to coax your lower brain (which feels the truth emotionally) to come along for the ride.” (222)

C.S. Lewis famously said it similarly:

“Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets: When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.”

Oftentimes, in order to start doing the thing…we just have to DO the thing! Our habits can form our attitudes and affections. 

So, if you’re feeling stuck in the same old patterns, maybe it’s time you start doing something different–even if you don’t, at first, feel like it. You might be surprised to find you grow to love it as your heart follows your healthier habits.

But, as important as these are, our hope isn’t ultimately in strong bodies, impeccable mental health, or healthy relationships. Our hope is in a God who is making all things new (Rev. 21:5). Our hearts, bodies, and relationships will one day be fully redeemed and perfected. While we can pursue wholeness and holiness now, we won’t fully realize it now. But Jesus promises us he will one day make us completely whole and entirely holy. 

“Come, Lord Jesus!” (Rev. 22:20)

Jasmine Timm—7 min read—Client resource

People often say the only two guarantees in life are that you’ll pay taxes and die. That’s not quite true. While these things are certain for most of us, there is actually more that is guaranteed. God himself has given us a glimpse into several realities that are certain. We know for certain that God exists (even if we can’t see him). We know what he’s moving the trajectory of history toward (reconciliation with himself). We know how he is doing this (through Christ and his church). We know Jesus rose from the grave and ascended to heaven (where he rules and reigns right now). And we know what this world is moving toward (Jesus’s return where he will judge the living and the dead). We know the final home we are being invited into through Christ (the new heavens and the new earth, with no tears, sorrow or sin–happy in God’s presence with God’s people throughout history).

There is plenty we are certain of as Christians beyond taxes and death. Yet we still struggle (dare I say, hate) the presence of uncertainty in our lives. We want to know what will happen today and tomorrow. We want to know we will be okay, and to a degree this is psychologically healthy. Of course we should desire what is good, and safety and joy and provision are good. But our sinful nature creeps in and whispers the earliest lie in the book: “You should be in control of your own life. You should figure this out on your own. You don’t need God.” It’s the same audacity Satan had from the beginning: “Don’t be satisfied with being made in God’s image and being under his care—be your own God. Ensure all certainty. Guarantee all control.”

Even more, we struggle with uncertainty because we forget the ultimate certainty that Christians have been rehearsing for centuries: Jesus will come back to judge the living and the dead. This world belongs to him, and he will come back for his bride. We ultimately can deal with all the uncertainties we face in this life because we have absolute certainty that Jesus is coming back. He will not leave us as orphans (John 14:18). And because he is with us and is coming back for his own, we can endure anything life throws at us.

The Source of Our Resilience

I often think of the resilience displayed by children who know they are loved. When kids are loved, they feel safe. When they know they can always come home, they are equipped with courage to try new things. Kids become brave when they know they can return home to mom and dad, and that mom and dad will always love them no matter what happens.

Many of us haven’t experienced this privilege on earth, at least not to its fullest extent. But if we are in Christ, this reality belongs to us. Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:31-39). And because of that, we grow to be brave. Because Jesus has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you,” we can “confidently say” with the author of Hebrews, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” (Hebrews 13:5-6). We can face any uncertainty, no matter how fast our heart pounds in our chest, because we know we are not on our own to figure it out. We have a God who feeds the birds and clothes the lilies of the field–how much more does he care for his own children? (Matthew 6:25-33)

As challenging as it can be to not know what is coming next, we don’t have to know what God is doing in order to trust him. If we know he loves us and is with us and is faithful to complete the work he started, we can tolerate any uncertainty that’s flung our way. We feel weak in the face of uncertainty, and thus tempted to seize control and certainty, but God himself becomes our strength in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). And because he is strong, we can rest, casting our anxieties on him because we know without a shadow of a doubt that he cares for us (1 Peter 5:7).

Seizing Knowledge That Doesn’t Belong to Us

Tim Mackie in several of his talks highlights one of the most common patterns we see playing out in human nature. It has its origins all the way in the first chapters of Genesis. There is a pervasive temptation to seize knowledge that doesn’t belong to us. We see this pattern when Eve disobeys God by eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Notice what the forbidden tree consists of: knowledge. Knowledge of good and evil. Forbidden knowledge. Why would God forbid this knowledge? Because when they eat of it, they will “become like us in knowing good and evil…” (Genesis 3:22). There are some things that are too high for us, some areas of knowledge that are too big (Isaiah 55:8-9). Why? Because we are not God. We are creatures, and creatures are limited. One of the tragedies playing out in Genesis 2 is that human beings are already like God. They are made in his image. Yet there are some ways we are not like God, and perhaps the most notable is that we are limited. God is not. There is a clear hierarchy to who is in charge, and it’s for our good because he is benevolent.

We see God’s generosity in Genesis 1:28-31:

“And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” 29 And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. 30 And to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the heavens and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.” And it was so. 31 And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.”

God is generous toward his creation. He blesses his sons and daughters. He gives them food and provision in abundance and invites them into his very own life, to rule graciously over what he has created. He’s merciful and gracious to his core (Exodus 34:6-7), and all wise in how he runs the universe and human affairs. Of course we would want to listen to God if this is the case (and we can be certain that it is–he does not lie). And he has determined that some knowledge does not belong to us. It is a good gift from God to be limited, and that includes the foresight we have into what happens in our lives and in the future. We don’t have to give into the temptation to seize (that is, take with force) knowledge that doesn’t belong to us but rather can receive wisdom from God as a gift. Fast forward to Genesis 2:16-17 and we see God setting these kind limits: “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” Why did God set a limit on taking from the tree of knowledge of good and evil? Because it was too much for Adam and Eve. Some knowledge is too much for us, and it is God’s kindness to set limits.

Here’s an important distinction—we are not left totally in the dark. Being made in God’s image, we have reasoning and discerning abilities. We can have wisdom, but its source matters. We should be warned by the temptation present in Genesis 11 where human beings build a name for themselves apart from God. In our sin, our tendency is to rival God. We want control. We want to be our own masters. We believe the serpent’s lies and ask, “Did God really say…?” This Tower-of-Babel grasp for control leaves us restless and unhappy because we are operating out of our design. As hard as it is to not know the future, it is even harder to slowly corrode into something we were never created to be: independent from God. As the famous adage goes, “Our hearts are restless until they find our rest in you.” There is a temptation to seize knowledge that does not belong to us. Instead, we are called to receive wisdom as a gift that only the all-knowing God can give.

Where We Find Our Comfort

So, here’s the irony that brings us comfort: embracing uncertainty, accepting our limits, and realizing that we are not in control. This is where we find rest, comfort and peace. We often want to fight the anxiety that results from uncertainty by doubling down and doing everything we can to ensure control. But ironically, we find freedom in confessing that nothing is certain but God himself. No outcome is guaranteed.

What we do know is that God himself is unchanging. His love is certain. His promises are yes and amen in Christ. He will never leave us nor forsake us. And he is coming back again. We can endure any uncertainty in this life because we have a steadfast anchor for the soul: God himself. “We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever…” (Hebrews 6:19-20). Jesus has gone before us and will ensure that we arrive home with him in the end. This makes us brave to face any of life’s uncertainties, no matter how filled they are with grief and anxieties. Jesus will always be with us, and we can always come home whenever the sunset fades and darkness sets in. We can be clear on what is certain—the wisdom God has revealed to us in Christ—which gives us endurance and courage to face any uncertainty in this life. So we say it again: “Therefore I can confidently say, the Lord is my helper, I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.” (Hebrews 13:20-21).

Debbie Lewis—3 min read—Client resource

Is This Relationship Growing Me or Damaging Me?

Whoever stubbornly refuses to accept criticism will suddenly be destroyed beyond recovery. Proverbs 29:1 NLT

Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:24 NLT

Do you find yourself feeling confused in relationships?
Do you lose your sense of agency or autonomy around certain people?
Have you questioned your ability to discern truth, trust yourself, or understand the role of the Holy Spirit in your life?

Relationships are messy. Navigating them can feel incredibly difficult and confusing. On top of that, our culture constantly floods us with buzzwords and opinions through reels, shorts, podcasts, and vlogs. Terms like toxic, narcissist, gaslighting, and cancel culture are everywhere.

So what is actually true?
Who is truly narcissistic?
Is narcissism a diagnosis, a personality trait, or part of the human condition?

All of this conflicting information can make it hard to discern what is healthy, unhealthy, difficult, or destructive in a relationship. Relationships can become some of the most beautiful experiences in our lives — and also some of the most painful.

What Does God Speak Over Me?

Before trying to discern another person’s behavior towards you, it is important to remember what God already says about you. Zephaniah 3:17 reminds us that God delights in His people. He quiets our hearts and rejoices over us with love.

Take a moment to sit with that.

God is not merely tolerating your presence. He delights in being with you. We often understand the idea of rejoicing in God’s presence, but in Anatomy of the Soul, Curt Thompson highlights something profound: God Himself rejoices over His creation — His people.

That changes the question from:

“What do others think of me?”
to
“What does God speak over me?”

Hard Relationships Heal. Destructive Relationships Hurt.

See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people. 1 Thessalonians 5:15 NLT

Not every difficult relationship is abusive. Healthy relationships can still involve conflict, discomfort, growth, and accountability. But destructive relationships slowly erode emotional safety, clarity, and identity.

Some harmful relational behaviors may include:

• Belittling
• Constant dismissiveness
• Silent treatment
• Manipulation
• Chronic blame-shifting
• Emotional invalidation

Am I Overreacting… or Is This Relationship Unhealthy?

Sometimes it can be difficult to distinguish between discernment (the ability to judge well)and emotional triggers(situations, people, places, or sensory experiences that spark a sudden, intense emotional reaction). One important question to ask yourself is: “Do I feel emotionally safe in this relationship?” To be clear, this section is referring to emotional safety. If you are not physically or sexually safe, please contact local authorities or seek immediate help. As adults, someone cannot simply tell us we are safe — we have to discern and believe it for ourselves. Here are some things that are healthy and okay to do in relationships:

• It’s okay to need more information.
• It’s okay to ask questions and verify what is true.
• It’s okay to be honest about what you can and cannot handle emotionally.
• It’s okay to set boundaries without guilt.

If you want to explore this subject further, I highly recommend I Want to Trust You, but I Don’t by Lysa TerKeurst.

Is This Relationship Hard… or Actually Harmful?

Are you the only one trying harder? Healthy relationships are two-way streets. Both people engage, show up, communicate honestly, and take responsibility. In healthy relationships, effort is usually reciprocated. In unhealthy relationships, trying harder may only increase the other person’s entitlement, control, or selfishness.

If you repeatedly walk away from conversations feeling like:

• “I can never measure up,”
• “Nothing I do is enough,” or
• “I have to save this relationship alone,”

You may begin to realize the other person is asking you to become something no human can truly be — a savior.

And eventually, you recognize:
You cannot be that person.

When Difficult Starts Feeling Destructive

Sometimes relationships stretch us.
Other times, they slowly diminish us.

Learning the difference matters.

In the meantime, if any part of this blog stirred confusion, curiosity, or concern within you, please reach out for support. You do not have to navigate these questions alone. We are here to help, educate, and walk alongside you.

Jasmine Roberts—5 min read—Client resource

Maybe you can guess where this song is from–,

See, that will all make sense when I am older
So there’s no need to be terrified or tense
I’ll just dream about a time
When I’m in my age of prime
‘Cause when you’re older
Absolutely everything makes sense

This is fine.

Have you figured it out? In the movie Frozen 2, Olaf, an adorable snowman, is in the middle of an enchanted wood. In his wandering, he encounters a strange purple fire, mysterious weather formations, and creepy eyes in the dark. Interspersed with some screams of terror, he sings about how everything will make sense when he is grown up–how everything will be easier. It’s hard NOT to laugh when you listen to this song. The irony of this is that it is designed to make the listener chuckle. Why?

Because all adults watching know that life gets more complicated–not less– in time.

There are so many things to be uncertain about. Relationships with friends, spouses, family– as you change and shift, so do they. Maybe a health diagnosis has sent your life spinning wildly out of orbit. Even current events in the US make one realize just how much our world is tied to things outside our control. And all the pertinent, pressing questions can only be answered with an “I don’t know” and a frustrated shrug.

I’ll show my cards…I absolutely despise uncertainty! It would be so much easier if there were less “gray” in life, and more “black n’ white”. It would be so much more convenient and better if life weren’t full of unexpected, anxiety-inducing situations. Right? Right?!

Let’s take a moment to see what God’s word says:

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

Psalm 139:7-12

This passage tells me two really important things. First, you can’t escape from God’s presence. He is as high as the heavens, as deep as the farthest ocean trench, and beyond stretches of this tiny universe. Even more so, wherever I go, it is his hand that shall “guide me” & “hold me fast”. Second, God has better eyesight than I. The psalmist isn’t talking about literal eyesight here. When I believe that a situation, a person, a place, an emotion–transcends me– I am also tempted to believe that God can’t see through it either. But praise to God, he CAN see through it. “The night is as bright as the day”. Our limitations and weaknesses are not the stopping point for Him.

Imagine, for a second, that you are trapped in an interconnected, complex labyrinth. The sky above you is pitch black, and the walls are indiscernible from it. You wander in endless circles. You need to get out, but how? For most of us, we might panic, desperate for anything that might help. Or, maybe the thought of this labyrinthine maze would bring on despair.

When I am faced with the uncertain darkness, it is so easy to rely on my eyesight to navigate. It is so easy to forget God in favor of false strength. I assume that if I try hard enough or long enough, I will find a way out. I assume that I can figure out the “right” answer, and the suffering will end. I forget that I am not meant to know all, see all, understand all. I forget that to God, this darkness & uncertainty is as clear as day.

I wonder if our efforts to see can sometimes blind us from recognizing who is walking beside us.

4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
They comfort me.

Psalm 23:4

In the end, God is asking us to trust him in the places where we feel the most unsteady— not because he wants us to perish– but truly because it is in the darkness where we can see his Light shine the brightest.

Works Cited

Frozen 2 When I Am Older Olaf Song/Music by Josh Gad

James Hall—8 min read—Client resource

Why doesn’t God feel close? The weight of this relational question and the emotions that come with it can bring tears to the eyes. You are not alone in asking it; you’re actually in the best company. I believe it echoes what Jesus felt on the cross in Matthew 27:46: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (ESV). In his pain at taking on the sin of the world, Jesus quoted David in Psalm 22:1, which shows that we have been questioning our relationship with God for a while. Don’t be ashamed, but be comforted that even Jesus felt forsaken by the Father. And he felt this way despite being in a perfect union with him. When looking at Jesus’s relationship with the Father, we can have hope that this feeling can be more of a rare experience in our friendship with God. As a Christian, take heart that your Heavenly Father wants you to tangibly experience the steadfast, loving relationship he has with you.

This question and its response require exploration on multiple levels. To understand what’s unhealthy, there are a couple of fake relationships with God we can fall into that can lead to feeling distant from him. A theological perspective on the Trinity and the nature of sin will help us see how we can feel far from God while he is right next to us. A key aspect of genuine relationships is emotional vulnerability, and, as it turns out, there’s good biblical precedent for being emotionally honest with God. We’ll wrap up with some ways to practice being real with God and letting him be real with us.

Fake Friends
Our relationship with God can be put on a spectrum from fake to real. As we get closer to the fake end of the spectrum, we can feel far from God. I’ve experienced two kinds of fake friendships and sometimes fall back into them. The first one is seeking God through learning about him and behavior modification. I call this the Pharisee relationship, and it boils down to: “If I know and do the right things, then a relationship with God will result.” While growing up in church, I knew all the Sunday school answers and how to stay out of trouble, but the number of times I prayed the prayer of salvation and rededicated my life to Christ showed how insecure I felt in the relationship. This friendship isn’t real because it’s transactional in nature, thinking that God owes us because we’re good at Bible trivia and legalism. A bond based on head knowledge and rule following makes God feel like a cold taskmaster. It doesn’t want God; it wants to avoid punishment. The next fake relationship can be an attempt to get out of this one.

I call the next fake friendship the Seeker relationship, and it’s always seeking emotional experiences. It comes from a discontentment with merely an intellectual understanding of God and drives us to seek experiential signs or proof that God is there. We can search for emotional ecstasy in things like spiritual disciplines, revivals, or spiritual gifts. In ordinary life, we are starving for divine action, craving the high that will hopefully hold us over until we get the next fix. And great discouragement comes when these rituals and incantations let us down, because that means either God has failed or it’s our fault for not having enough faith. A relationship based on sporadic mountain top experiences makes God feel like a fair-weather drug dealer or a flaky genie. This friendship doesn’t want God; it wants to escape or overpower reality. Real relationships aren’t built on bursts of emotional highs. They do have highlights, but they’re mostly developed over time in the normal day-to-day of earning trust. When we grow tired of chasing emotional experiences, we can fall back into the Pharisee relationship to try to at least get a sense of consistency.

Theological Gaps
When considering Jesus’s experience on the cross, there’s some trinitarian and sin theology that can help us understand why we feel far from God, and how we are actually close and secure in him. It’s important to know that the Godhead, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, is in a perfect relationship. God is eternal and unchanging (Hebrews 13:8, Malachi 3:6, James 1:17). Jesus bore our sin on the cross (1 Peter 2:24), and he willingly laid his life down (John 10:17-18), but sin didn’t overcome or divide God. However, the very nature of sin makes us feel like God is far away (Isaiah 59:1-2), which is what I believe Jesus felt on the cross as he took on the sin of the world. We have a Lord and Savior who has felt how we feel when we’re at our lowest (Hebrews 4:15). But not even death could separate God, which is why we can be confident that nothing can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39) and that God is always close (Psalm 139).

Biblical Venting
The Bible has multiple passages in which the writers share how they honestly feel, even if what they feel isn’t factually accurate. A misplaced fear of the sin of lying by saying anything other than the facts can keep us from being emotionally truthful with God. Jesus wasn’t lying on the cross when he asked the Father why he’d forsaken him. I believe the Father had not, in fact, forsaken him, but that was how Jesus honestly felt. Lamentations 3:10-13 is a great biblical example of emotional truthfulness. God isn’t literally a bear or lion waiting to ambush Jeremiah, and God’s not an archer shooting Jeremiah in the kidneys with arrows, but that’s how Jeremiah feels about God. Jeremiah later recalls the truth of God’s steadfast love and new morning mercies in Lamentations 3:21-25, but he was emotionally honest with God first. We may need to be truthful with how we feel before we can believe God’s Truth.

Truth encompasses more than just the facts. Our emotions can reveal what our prideful, logical minds won’t let us think about: which is what we actually believe. We can inaccurately think that God’s just an all-powerful version of us; that he’ll get angry and strike us down if we say what we really feel. But God’s different from us (Isaiah 55:8-9), he already knows us better than we do (Hebrews 4:12-13), he isn’t insecure or easily offended like we are, and his love is steadfast (Psalm 86:15). We are only deceiving ourselves by not letting God address the false beliefs that fuel our emotional distance. Instead, let’s approach God with confident humility (Hebrews 4:16) and tell our Father how we feel.

Two Legit 
So what does a genuine relationship with God look like? Simply, being real with God and letting him be real with you. Practically, this looks like sharing authentic feelings and thoughts with God, and imagining how God would respond, based on how he’s revealed himself in the Bible. Regular time in the Bible is needed because this is how we know who God is and how he responds to us.

One way of doing this is to imagine being in the same room as God, bringing your burdens, wants, and needs before him, and imagining what God would say and do in response. A biblically sound counselor can help facilitate this since we can have inaccurate pictures of God, barriers to being vulnerable, and trouble with recognizing, labeling, and communicating our emotions and beliefs. There are many ways to walk through this process because it’s a relationship, so there’s no simple formula to follow.

To give some ideas of what this time with God could look like, here are some biblical scenarios you could imagine. Picture God greeting you as a friend, wanting to catch up on your day (Genesis 3:9, Exodus 33:11, Matthew 11:28). Imagine coming home like the prodigal son, and God running out to meet and embrace you, like the father did in the parable (Luke 15:20). Cast each of your cares before him and see how he takes care of each one (1 Peter 5:6-7). Share what you want and what you think you need from God, ask God to reveal what you actually need, and ask him to provide for those needs, then see him provide for those needs (Philippians 4:19). Share how you feel, especially if you’ve felt forsaken or forgotten (Psalm 22:1, 13:1). Listen to God tell you to stop talking to yourself harshly and to be kind to yourself (Matthew 22:39). Listen as he preaches the Gospel to your specific situation (John 3:16-17). Feel his nearness as he is with you in your suffering; suffering that he knows well (Psalm 34:17-18, Isaiah 53:3-4). Fill your mind with what he reminds you is good (Philippians 4:8-9).

This can also be practiced throughout the day. Sit and do nothing while God sings over you (Zephaniah 3:17, Psalm 46:10). As you enjoy a meal or snack, imagine God’s delight as you enjoy the taste of his creation (Psalm 34:8). When the wind blows over you, imagine God lifting your head and tousling your hair (Psalm 3:3, Job 8:21). In the warmth of the sun, imagine God smiling while he looks at you (Numbers 6:25). Rest in his comforting presence as you relax in a blanket of peace (Psalm 4:8).

Don’t settle for a distant friendship with our Father. If he feels far away, that’s okay, talk to him about it. He is eager to hear from you, no matter how long it’s been (Isaiah 65:24). May we taste and see the real relationship that we have with our God, and that it is viscerally good.

Photo:
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Laura McGee—4 min read—Client resource

I work with clients suffering from trauma, grief, anxiety, and depression, and at the end of each session, I don’t pray for relief, which might seem unusual; instead, I pray that they come to know Christ’s love more deeply in their lives. My prayer for them is based on Ephesians 3:16-21.

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide, and long, and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.   Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

This prayer for them represents what I want most for my clients—for them to remember who they are and whose they are, which actually brings true healing.  Let’s look at how this prayer centers clients by reminding them of their true identity:

1. They are united with Christ. You have received His Spirit in your inner being to strengthen you so that Christ may dwell (live or reside) in your heart through faith. There is no closer foundational relationship than the one between Christ and my clients. This solid foundation can give a struggling client hope and confidence as we work to remind them of this glorious truth that reveals their true identity.
2. They are rooted and grounded in love. Often, clients have been hurt by others and are seeking deep healing, coming to counseling feeling lost or alone. Part of our work together is to remind them and anchor them in the truths of Scripture. They may not feel it or believe it at the moment, but God’s love for them is so powerful that He has rooted and grounded them in His love. I use the analogy of trees and plants in a storm to explain rooted and grounded; it means that even when winds and storms come, their deep roots and groundedness give them the ability to withstand the storms. They may feel buffeted by the winds, but they will never be lost or alone again; God’s love keeps them steady, and His presence—His dwelling—is constant in the midst of uncertainty.
3. The love of Christ for you exceeds knowledge. It is very common for my clients to come in struggling to believe in God’s love and kindness for them. Sadly, those who were meant to protect and keep them safe are often the ones who hurt them deeply. Part of our work together is teaching them how different the Lord is from those who harmed them. This often involves trusting Christ’s love even when it doesn’t make sense or feels fake. Recognizing this truth can open the door to understanding Christ’s love more deeply, especially with the help of God’s holy people, to grasp “how wide and long and high and deep”—in contrast to the conditional and limited love of others.
4. Doxology. The final part of Paul’s prayer is his worship of God’s power to do more than we can even ask or imagine. This is where clients and I will cast vision for what healing can look like, and I encourage them to dream big.

It is no accident that the word “power” is used three times in this prayer. When a client understands God’s incredible power in uniting them with Him so intimately that He dwells with them and loves them with a love that will never be taken away and can’t be measured, true healing begins.

Omar King—3 min read—Client resource

“The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. But whoever doubts is condemned . . .because. . . it is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith, to him/her it is sin.” (Romans 14:22-23)

I’m not usually someone to make New Year’s resolutions. However, over the past few years, I’ve been more interested in my inner life than in adopting external practices.

So, this year, I’ve decided to focus on addressing violations to my conscience, taking greater responsibility for my inner life.

What I mean is that I want to become better at listening to my conscience when it prompts me to act in particular ways. Whether it’s pausing one activity to focus on something more urgent or relevant in the moment, or starting something I’ve been procrastinating on, I believe much of our personal anxiety comes from accumulating small violations of our conscience. These violations are often projected onto the people around us, especially those close to us, and expressed as anger, criticism, or judgment because we haven’t acted properly in our own lives. Over time, guilt from these small conscious violations builds up and leads us to offload these feelings onto others to ease our conscience and feel better. When we blame others, our mistakes seem less serious. Subconsciously, we might think, “Whew, I feel better now that I’ve released my guilt.”

Paul, discussing conscience, said, “to him who knows what is right and fails to do it, to that person it is sin.” (Romans 14: 23) This suggests that sin can be subjective and relative. Not all sin, but some. The idea that our God-given agency influences what counts as sin is both complicated and comforting—complicated because subjectivity isn’t standardized, and potentially alarming for those with black-and-white thinking, who see right and wrong as dictated by consensus. Being on your own regarding what’s right for you can be unsettling. Comforting because we can make choices that feel right to us without needing to conform, and without guilt or fear of retribution.

However, we are capable of making decisions that others might not, exercising our agency to outcomes that vary. Romans 14 grants us permission to choose what we believe is good for us—meaning actions aligned with our conscience—and to abstain from actions that violate it.

God values our consciences. How we feel about our choices impacts us psychologically and influences our relationship with Him. God desires us to have a good relationship with Him, primarily by accepting Jesus as our atoning sacrifice, and also to feel that our relationship is good, based on our compliance with our Holy Spirit-informed and guided conscience.

An overactive conscience can become a barrier to self-acceptance, similar to an overactive immune system attacking healthy cells. It becomes overly sensitive, reacting to harmless thoughts and feelings.

An under-responsive conscience can cause us to neglect important issues. Since our actions have consequences, confronting those outcomes often leaves us confused and angry because of our lack of foresight. We tend to blame others, or even God, for the results of our mistakes. Proverbs 19:3 reflects this idea: “When a man’s folly brings his way to ruin, his heart rages against the LORD.”

Tuning one’s conscience involves effort—to care about the right things, in the right way. A healthy conscience evolves to better distinguish between good and evil.

God wants our consciences to be healthy and pure. He wishes us to feel enough discomfort about our faults to be a refuge for Jesus, while also recognizing that our psychological self-acceptance, linked to our agency, is vital. Saying “for him/her it is sin” implies that individuals are entrusted with moral judgments made by their conscience, a part of the divine design that God delights in and does not want to take away.

A well-refined conscience, cultivated through consistent practice, is a genuine blessing to the soul. While our consciences are not flawless, they can, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, offer a sense of equanimity—calm and balance. Frequently, we seek stability and security from the external world, often neglecting the crucial role that acting in harmony with our conscience plays in establishing a firmer foundation in life.

Today, our lives often feel as though they are not truly our own, driven by external forces, often malevolent. Building strong confidence in our behavior can serve as a shield against such outside influences. A fulfilling life depends more on our own choices than on the actions of others that affect us. While we should pray for righteousness to prevail and wickedness to diminish in the world around us, we should also pray that God refines and enhances our own conscience through the Lord.

[4-5 min read—client resource]

One of my fondest memories of grade school is participating in Sunship Earth- a weeklong camping excursion that offered 4th and 5th-grade students the opportunity to gain an understanding of nature. To be completely honest, while most of my classmates were excited, I initially dreaded leaving the comfort of my home for this event. What was familiar to me and the amenities available in my house led me to decide to stay home, a more logical choice than going into backwoods Louisiana. At that time, my youthfulness didn’t afford me the maturity necessary to appreciate God’s creation, nor was I conscious of His presence in it. In fact, my deepest level of interest in nature was merely equated to its usefulness to human life for oxygen, food, wood, etc. Therefore, to my 4th-grade mind, a leaf was just a leaf. I hadn’t connected the concept of God’s handiwork in the tangible beauty of nature or the change of scenery because my immediate comfort took precedence.

I’ve often found myself back at this place in life, where I’m challenged to choose between the opportunity for comfort or change. Quite naturally, it can be much easier to gravitate towards comfort because it offers familiarity. Yet, the funny thing about comfort is that it can give the illusion that things are as good as they will get. Comfort optimizes the predisposition toward complacency and the immediate gratification of “right now”, making you miss the anticipated beauty of what’s to come. It can be the barrier that slows momentum and makes you resistant to change, even when change is needed most. According to Ecclesiastes 3:1, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” The author reiterates that not only will change take place, but change is inevitable. Hence, God has a purpose in the shift. His goal for change is to usher us into anticipation of him developing something new, whether in us or through us. It also offers biblical hope that serves as a precursor for what’s to come, regardless of what’s momentarily available before us.

Throughout Scripture, we repeatedly encounter people confronted with the tension between the safety of the familiar and God’s call to step into change. We see it in the Israelites, delivered from Pharaoh’s oppression, yet grumbling through the wilderness because bondage felt more predictable than freedom. Or, in the Pharisees, scribes, and chief priests, as Jesus worked to bring the kingdom, they resisted him because the change Jesus offered was unfamiliar.

Yet, Jesus loves us too much to leave us in that place. He walks with us in the change as the Good Shepherd. Although it might seem easier to cling to what we know than to embrace the unknown, He guides us through paths of change for our nourishment.

As an adult, I’ve become more cognizant of God’s omnipresence. His meticulous design throughout creation reveals His love, His kindness, and His intentional purpose behind everything He has created. Nonetheless, there are times when the toils of life can blur my vision and keep me from seeing him clearly. The forest can become a hindrance to seeing the trees, and seasonal changes can be seen as an inconvenience. It’s in the midst of these hardships that I work to develop a bifocal view -seeing reality for what it is, but also having hopeful anticipation in what God is doing next.

By slowing down, I can witness evidence of God’s magnificent expression of love, graciously displayed. It shows up in the swaying of wind-blown trees, shaking off the golden-hued leaves. He is present. It shows up in the beauty of a stranger’s smile after a friendly hello- another reminder that He is still present. In the melody of a bird song or the nuzzle of a pet, He is present. In fact, His fantastic imprint is woven throughout creation, multiplied in ways we can see, hear, and feel when we take time to notice. Practices like journaling, prayer, and meditation can help us experience God more intimately. And, when we take a few minutes daily to stop and identify five things we are grateful for, we can begin to recognize the beauty of today, as we yearn for the fullness of new creation.

I’m sure that there is a photo somewhere of me standing in the middle of a Louisiana forest, pretending to be mesmerized by tree bark. What once felt like pure dread has become a memory that I can now treasure, because I’ve come to understand that everything God creates- and everything that He allows to shift in my life- He does out of love for me.

[3 min read—provider resource]

Thank you for being a critical part of my church (1)
The way you sit with our people reflects the care and love I have for my children.
Wading through the muck and mire of mortal existence can be harrowing
Thank you for being my light on the lampstand, ushering the broken back to my marvelous light (2)
Thank you for hoping in me, your assurance in my power that anchors weary souls
Your reliance not on your own knowledge but instead on my truths to guide wayward hearts (3)

This is not meant to be only a thank-you letter from me, but a letter to you, for you.

I see…you.
I see the burdens you carry as you courageously and compassionately bear the emotions of others.
I see you,
I see the way you care for your family by putting on your brave face while you wrestle with the nightmares that plague my creation.
I see you,
The silent tears that fall in the brief moments between clients
I see you,
I see the grief that pulls at you when you feel insufficient to aid those I have given to you.
I see you,
I see the sleepless nights as the woes of your charges hit close to home.
I see you, I know you, I love you, I am WITH you. (4)

Be. Still. (take a deep breath)
In the weariness know, I am your Lord God (5)
Be still, (take a meaningful breath)
Just like the winds and the waves know and obey me, know no fear, for you are mine (6)
Be still, (in for five seconds, out for five seconds)
The wind may blow and toss to and ‘fro, you shall not be moved for I will not fail you (7)
Be still, (don’t miss this, pause for 5 seconds)
Relax in my presence, let my peace become yours, and my joy be a balm to your soul (8)
Be still, (Close your eyes and take a slow breath)
You see the darkness, you hear the cries of anguish, you are exposed to the deep desperation for relief, know I am carrying you and protecting you (9)
Be still, (pause here, take a breath in, verbally thank God out loud)
Your knowledge is limited, but my spirit will always guide you well (10)

Until we meet face-to-face, when I can tell you ‘well done.’ Be still, my child. This is not the end; there is more ahead, in this life and the next. (11)

(1) 1 Corinthians 12:18
(2) Matthew 5:14-16
(3) Proverbs 3:5-6
(4) Zephaniah 3:17
(5) Psalm 46:10
(6) Isaiah 43:1-2
(7) Matthew 7:25
(8) Philippians 4:7
(9) Psalm 23:4
(10) John 16:12-16
(11) Psalm 37