“This experience changed my entire outlook on people. Before I got arrested I thought that everyone had some morals and values… but in there, they treated people like animals.”
Mentally, I was a child when I got arrested. I had to transform into a cold-hearted adult. I was 17 and about to be 18, so the week after I was arrested, I was moved upstairs to be housed with all the adults. This experience changed my entire outlook on people. Before I got arrested I thought that everyone had some morals and values, and I assumed that people were nice until they proved otherwise. But in there, they treated people like animals… they were so mean. It was extremely degrading – correctional officers wouldn’t give people toilet tissue or pads. At first I was trying to talk to people and make friends. The next day those same friends would try to steal my stuff or gang up on me and try to fight me. It was like mental torture.
Someone was always trying to take advantage of you, so it made me put my guard up. I wouldn’t talk to anyone. I’d just lay on my bed by myself and cry because I didn’t know who to trust and I had no one to talk to. I felt so alone and confused. The one person I made friends with went home, and I didn’t want to make any more friends just to have them leave me again.
Mentally, I still struggle from my time in an adult jail. I automatically judge that everyone is against me. I’ve been trying to change it back, but mentally I was set in that way. The bottle in my photo represents an escape. It’s like an opportunity for the old me to come back and forget about the bad stuff to live in the moment. I want to live life without it, I don’t want to feel so frustrated or agitated that I need an escape.
It’s been three years and I’ve gotten better now – I won’t let a lot of stuff get me to the point of anger. I’m finally reaching the point where I want to be. I want to be happy and bubbly. Even if someone is disrespectful to me I want to be that person who still reacts with respect.
– N.R.
“How many more generations need to pay for the mistakes that I made as a child?”
When I was a kid, I didn’t have my family. I didn’t have anywhere to go to get a home cooked meal or to hop in the shower and lay my head. I found ways to make money and survive. I’m not excusing anything I did, but I am a different person now.
I am trying to do things the right way, but it feels like it’s too late because I have this criminal record. A felony will slowly kill you – it destroys all opportunities that come your way. People look at me differently because of my criminal record and then I can’t get a job. I go from job after job after job, they are like temporary jobs…they usually aren’t fulltime. I want something steady, something I can have for years. When I try to get a job like that, they look at my background and I can’t get past the interview.
I know I can succeed. I’ve worked really hard to get as many qualifications as I possibly can. I have state and federal certifications for asbestos and lead removal. I don’t want to be a burden to society, I want to climb up the ladder – be a productive member of my community. I want to work.
Having a criminal record isn’t just a barrier for me; it’s a barrier to making a better life for my son too. This is what the net [in my photos] symbolizes. I don’t care about me anymore, it’s all about him. Money doesn’t always take care of everything, but it helps. I want him to have a father growing up so that he doesn’t have to go to the streets to find money and a family. I don’t want everything to just be given to him, but I want him to have a better life than I had growing up. I want it to be fantastic – a better, fantastic life.
Being automatically charged a youth as an adult has made it very difficult for me to succeed. I know that I needed to be held accountable for what I did, but for how long? It’s been 10 years — how many more generations have to pay for the mistakes that I made as a child?
– R.R.
“I felt like I was boxed in and would be doing dead end jobs for the rest of my life.”
I was charged as an adult in the 11th grade. I had promise – I thought I was going to graduate and get into a career where I was going to make good money or I could go into the military. After being arrested, those options just weren’t the same anymore. It cut my options in half – I couldn’t find an open door. I felt like I was boxed in and that I would always be doing dead end jobs for the rest of my life.
Being charged as an adult took four or five of the most important years of my life. I felt left behind, lost and off track. I had to try to figure out what doors were open for a person like me. I started trade school because I thought that it was the best option to get a job and health insurance to help me provide for my family. In my situation, if you have a son with cystic fibrosis how are you going to provide for his treatment if you are only making $7.25 working at a dead end job? It’s kind of heartbreaking because you can’t provide for your family. It makes you feel like less of a man because of mistakes that you made in your past that hinder you from being the person you know you can be and leading by example for your child. You don’t want your child to go through things that are rough in life just because of decisions you made.
It was a lot to get through trade school, but in pursuing welding I finally found something that I was passionate about and that I could take pride in doing. I love working with my hands and I still think it’s amazing how you can cut through metal like you can cut through butter. People told me I was doing the wrong thing and that I could get money faster in other ways but I feel as though securing a stable job is the best decision I can make for my child’s future.
I want to be a success story. I don’t want to do anything halfway. The odds have been against me, but I am graduating from my trade school in December and I can’t wait for my last day of school. I’m planning on going back to school and getting my carpentry certification so that I can renovate and build houses.
You can’t go backwards; you just have to keep succeeding.
– D.W.