Welcome to Part 2 of our candid interviews with current online daters! Last week we asked five daters about their dealbreakers, messaging filters and what they’re looking for from online dating. In this week’s edition, things get a little weird as we check in with our daters about creepy dates, odd encounters and bizarre messages. And of course, we wrap things up with everyone’s thoughts on how the ease of online dating is changing the way we think about finding love.

Have you ever encountered a creepy person through online dating?

I know people have had legit creepy situations, I think mine falls into the semi creepy category. I had to block a guy for the first time recently. He asked if I was into a particular sexual fetish. I said no. He then demanded my phone number. I said no. Then he proceeded to have a complete meltdown saying some pretty awful things about himself and about me. It was just so off-putting. We’re strangers. You don’t know me, but I now feel like I know a lot about you. Would you act like that if you met me in person?

Do you think the online experience has changed the way people think about dating?

I go back and forth on this. I think it makes people feel like there is always someone else out there. That’s a good and bad thing. It’s good in that if you aren’t truly happy in the relationship you have, you know you can get back out there. It can be bad because some people could constantly just be looking for the next best thing.

Anything else you’d like to share about your views or experience with online dating?

I haven’t been at this very long so I understand I’ve had pretty limited experiences. I wouldn’t say I’ve had any great dates, but the ones I’ve been on have been pretty OK! I had a good time with the guys I met. They were nice. We chose well. We just didn’t click. So I’ll still continue this experiment, but it does take a lot of energy and effort. Then again, I understand you can’t just conjure up a relationship out of thin air.

What’s the best place you’ve gone on a first date after meeting someone online?

I turned on a dating site in my hometown and went on a date to a bar with someone I had never known – but my high school biology teacher and my best friend from kindergarten were the only other two people in the bar.

Do you have a particularly weird online dating story to share?

My current boyfriend moved in on our first online date.  He showed up at my place and never left.  It’s been over 3 years.

Have you ever encountered a creepy person through online dating?

I haven’t really because my natural creep filters are pretty high, but there was this one guy…

He was 5 foot 3 (I’m 5 foot 10) and he said he was recovering OCD. He wasn’t Aspergers or nerdy at all, he was very social, but in an odd, controlling way. He was unable to communicate about any detail in the relationship, he’d just completely drop out – if I asked him a question he’d literally hang up the phone rather than answer it. While I was dating him he worked behind a computer, but claimed to passionate with natural farming and going that direction – and I got that this was because he wanted to heal the world of all its imperfections.  His OCD, he revealed to me, had manifested itself in his obsessive need to catalog all of the pornography on the internet (he didn’t actually WATCH the stuff, he just cataloged it).

He was incredibly OCD about his health, getting constant work of all kinds done – everything from myofascial release to chelating to random treatments I didn’t recognize.   He then began moving this obsession over to my health, deciding that I too would not be complete without these treatments.  The clincher was when he gave ME a diagnosis that he’d gotten through describing my “symptoms” to his psychotherapist.

Ah, and lest we forget: he was obsessed with squirting and convinced he knew more about my body than I did in that regard (sadly, he is not the only man I’ve met with this predilection).

There’s really no punchline necessary, but a couple years later I came across his profile on a dating site and it said that he was gay.  There’s like, a dissertation in self-hatred and sexual orientation in this story.

The weirdest message you’ve ever received is…

Weirdest, dunno – but I know the one that I hated the most.  I had a photo of me in a headstand and a prominent Los Angeles yoga teacher who I recognized from his photos wrote “Clever, every woman’s boobs will look perky upside-down”.

It wasn’t the implication of saggy boobs that offended me, it was that this guy assumed that I was shallow, self-conscious, deceitful, and manipulative in his statement.  Plus: he’s a famous yoga teacher, so the fact that he sees the world through those old-fashioned eyes is a bit horrifying.

Do you think the online experience has changed the way people think about dating?

I am not sure. I actually don’t have much dating experience from before online dating was an option (such as it was, way back when).  I don’t really know what things were like before, even though I’ve had a lot of “offline dates” too – they were always against the context of online dating being an option.

I don’t think that online dating has necessarily changed the way people think about dating YET, but now that so many people are participating in online dating, it’s possible for statisticians and psychology experts to collect real, massive data sets around dating and gender and love and romance.  I think as this data begins to be parsed we will learn more and more.

I do remember the first time I opened up an online dating site and I was like “OMG, it’s a MENU!”.  As a woman – I’m rarely declined for a date, so for me it felt like suddenly being able to order food delivery online, when before the only options were to go to a restaurant.  It just cut down a lot of the work involved.

Anything else you’d like to share about your views or experience with online dating?

Online dating is REALLY, REALLY different depending on your gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, and more. I feel pretty lucky to be female, straight, and poly in the online dating game – I basically get my pick of the litter and because of the message filtering on Mesh I rarely have to read creepy, offensive things from anyone.

I sometimes want to cry when I have to look at online dating through some of my friends eyes and see how it brings out some awful things in people. The experience of online dating is RADICALLY different for different people.  I am really encouraged to the tools evolving to encompass this, and are trying to bring the same user experience to people regardless of who they are and who they date.

What’s the best place you’ve gone on a first date after meeting someone online?

His bangin’ apartment! The views!

It’s almost always dinner/drinks. And most of them tend to disappoint me with their restaurant choices.

Do you have a particularly weird online dating story to share?

There was that time when he came to meet me in black cutoff jean shorts and sandals, and then proceeded to check his phone every few minutes. That was terrible.

Then there was the guy who rode his bike to meet me, and as he got off it, I noticed he was COVERED in mysterious bruises. His response when I asked him about it: “Oh, I don’t really know.”

Turns out he was a HUGE druggie and had gotten evicted from his Co-op for having too many raucous parties. 

Have you ever encountered a creepy person through online dating?

On Scruff/Grindr, there are tons of guys who give off that creepy vibe. So I’ve “encountered” them in the sense that they message me and their profile just screams CREEPSTER!

But then I ignore or block them right away. Other things like Mesh, OKC and Tindr, not so much, thankfully.

The weirdest message you’ve ever received is…

“Hello I from Bulgaria want to be your submissive pig bottom boyfriend please marry me I make you happy with my hole.” (I cleaned up the spelling)

Do you think the online experience has changed the way people think about dating?

Well it’s now an acceptable avenue to meet people through online dating. Back in the day, like even as recently as five years ago, there was a lot of stigma around a woman saying, “We met online.” It wasn’t socially acceptable. They (my female friends and family members) just all thought online dating would ONLY lead to crazies or murder/dismemberment. But now EVERYONE is online. And we’re all so glued to our devices, head down all the time. How else are we gonna find our Mr. Right, long sigh…

Not so much for the gays, ’cause we’re crafty and ahead of the curve. We’ve been online, ahem, “dating” since AOL days. Anyone remember gay.com?

I think the ease with which the gays can get laid now is… not any different from back in the day. We can get laid all the time, if we choose to (standards be damned). But now online dating can actually lead to more than just a hookup, which is a nice turn of events.

As with everything else in life, the online dating experience has its pros and cons. I think it’s good to have a way to get to know someone, or screen them, based off their profile, and their interests. But I also think we’re becoming too selective/nitpicky/accustomed to swiping left right away that we are potentially ignoring someone truly great. The ease with which you can “pass” on a person, I think, is sad in that it’ll shape future generations’ behaviors. You’ve heard of instant gratification. Tindr and OKC and the rest breed Instant Nullification.

The other thing to consider, which I’m telling myself this right now, is: Think about a good friend of yours. Now go back and read their texts/emails and even their online profile, if you’re privy to. Are they all perfect and grammatically correct? No. But you love your friend anyway right? Yes. Because how someone comes across in a medium meant for shorthand is one thing. How they are in real life is another. Similar applies to their profile. They may seem like the GREATEST most adventuresome person, or not, but their online representation is just one part of their actual puzzle. In other words, think about that the next time you swipe left AND right: What you see will probably not be exactly what you thought you’d get . The fun’s in the mystery!

Do you have a particularly weird online dating story to share?

One time a girl told me she accidentally had sex with a third cousin she met on Tinder…and she wasn’t kidding.

Have you ever encountered a creepy person through online dating?

Yes. Told me she saw us getting married before we even met.

The weirdest message you’ve ever received is…

“Let’s see what you’ve got before I straighten my hair.”

Do you think the online experience has changed the way people think about dating?

Yes. It isn’t as sacred. Now it’s too convenient. No one looks for excitement anymore. Now it’s a numbers game. More dates more chances at love.

Anything else you’d like to share about your views or experience with online dating?

It’s not as scary as it sounds.

What’s the best place you’ve gone on a first date after meeting someone online?

A guy once took me to a Broadway show for our first date, which I thought was a bold move. Especially because the show was The Performers starring Alicia Silverstone and was a romantic comedy set at the Adult Film Awards in Las Vegas. I think he was clueless about the content of the show before we got to the theater. I loved it.

 I also drunkenly ended up at Dave and Busters in Time’s Square once. That turned out to be one of the most fun first dates I have ever been on.

Do you have a particularly weird online dating story to share?

Last year a girl invited me to see a stand-up comedy show at a bar for our first date. Turns out she was performing in the show. I met her for about 30 seconds before watching her act which included a sexually explicit bit about a one night stand she had had with a guy about a month before. I guess that’s one way to have that conversation. Watching her stand up actually ended up being a great icebreaker, we ended up hitting it off and going to her place. A few days later she asked me to dinner and I accepted, however she then bailed on that dinner saying she would reschedule and I never heard from her again. Maybe she just wanted a lesbian story for her act? Guess I will never know for sure unless she pops up on Comedy Central someday.

Have you ever encountered a creepy person through online dating?

I dated a girl who was really into Britney Spears. Like really REALLY into Britney Spears. I also had a French guy once order a pitcher of sangria right off the bat and then started to tell me, no teach me, what American girls are all about and what they are looking for in men. He was a few years older than me and seemed to really want me to hang off of his every word and just soak up his wealth of knowledge. After chugging sangria to try and end the night as quickly as possible I think I ended up telling him that what this American girl was looking for in a man was a vagina. This was the date that made me say goodbye to bi forever.

The weirdest message you’ve ever received is…

I went on a hunt and really didn’t find a lot of weird stuff. I can share my most recent threesome inquiry. “This is really aggressive and probably annoying but I think you’re beautiful so just wondered if you’d be open to couples?” The message is nice enough and they are both very pretty. I was out to drinks with a few friends last night and we got to talking about online dating and they think I should give it a try. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it but then I realized that they are only 24. That’s just a bit too much from me to wrap my head around.

Do you think the online experience has changed the way people think about dating?

Oh 100% yes. The more dates I have gone on the more I hone in on what I am really looking for. Which is both a blessing and a curse because it helps me avoid old mistakes but probably makes me overlook people based on silly criteria. I also have a lot of opinions about straight dating vs. gay dating online but that’s a whole other thing. If you’re interested let’s get a drink and talk about it sometime

Ultimately all of my more “serious” relationships have been people I have met offline.

Anything else you’d like to share about your views or experience with online dating?

Well, I haven’t found the one yet but I have had a lot of fun looking and I have learned a lot about myself. The hardest part for me is that when you meet someone from a dating site the expectation is that you will either hit it off romantically or you will never see each other again. The stakes are so low that the odds one of you won’t find a reason to just move on to the next person seem pretty slim. There are just so many other options that the littlest things can turn you off and turn into deal breakers. Why put up with something you don’t like when there are tons of other possibilities for perfection waiting in your inbox?

Oof, that got cynical…

When it comes to any kind of dating online or off I think the bottom line is that you just have to keep on meeting new people until hopefully one day, you don’t. I just got a message from a girl who loves sci-fi, musicals, sports, “science-y stuff”, and reading…we are off to a good start.

We know that being single can sometimes feel lonely, but trust us, you’re definitely not alone. Over 41 million people in the U.S. have tried online dating.

We spoke to five of them to see how they’re currently feeling about the world wide web of dating. In part one of this two-part series, we ask our very diverse group of daters about their dealbreakers, what kind of messages turn them on/off, and what they’re looking for from online dating.

Check out what they had to say, below.

What are some dealbreakers or red flags when you’re looking at profiles? 

Guys with kids, sex profiles, open relationships, and couples looking for a third–those off the bat get pushed aside. Also, guys who don’t take the time to fill out their profiles. If you can’t commit to putting anything down in writing then I’m left with the impression you don’t really want to be doing this.

Diving a little deeper: Guys who make demands in their profiles. “You should be…” is just such a turn off for me. I get the sentiment but I just don’t like the tone. I realize this such a subjective hang-up, but it’s there! haha.

What makes you want to send someone a message when you’re browsing profiles? 

Honestly, if I found myself laughing at their profile I will message them. Those things are hard to write and are a commitment to fill out fully. So if you did it well enough to be entertaining, then I bet you’re also pretty awesome in person.

Are there any key items you look for immediately on someone’s profile?

Just to make sure they are listed as single (not in a relationship, open relationship etc). If I click on a profile, I read the whole thing. I find them pretty interesting.

What are you looking to get out of online dating? 

The golden question: What am I looking for?! I’m looking to date. I want to get to know someone see if we get along and if we’re interested beyond just a drink. To be honest, I have a hard time getting it up for someone I can’t hold a conversation with or laugh with.

What are some dealbreakers or red flags when you’re looking at profiles? 

For the photos I look for either end of the spectrum – either too vain or not caring enough about their photo. It’s astonishing how many people don’t take a decent photo showing their face that is high resolution and well-lit. That alone is usually a dealbreaker, if they can’t work technology well enough to have filled out their profile.

Which brings me to the written part: it has to be fully filled out. Not in a jokey way, not with every answer being sarcastic.

People who brag about their fitness routine, who claim that their offspring are the center of their lives, or who reference that their life will only be full when the reader of the profile are in it are all red flag people.

Fear, insecurity, misogyny, laziness, inadequately having confronted their privilege in life, not having worked out their work/life balance, these are all turnoffs that I just psychic from someone’s written material.

What makes you want to send someone a message when you’re browsing profiles? 

Severe intelligence without much geekiness.  Someone with a lot of breadth to their personality, multiple interests.  Brilliant, eccentric. Emotional intelligence.   Someone who doesn’t say any of the normal, generic things that people say in dating profiles.  I do look at the Mesh number and the friend% and foe% – but honestly I’ve found that a high number just means good friends, and that a lower number (but not too low) often contains the kind of tension necessary for sexual attraction.  I’m not going to lie – a hot photo helps, though I like real men (by which I mean – real people – not overly affected), a hot photo of someone with a gym body who is all neatly groomed just doesn’t do it for me.

Are there any key items you look for immediately on someone’s profile?

Yes, I look for whether they drink regularly, since I’m not down with alcohol culture, but not down with abstinence either.  I also look to see if they answered the question about being willing to date overweight people, since I’m about 15 pounds overweight, and even if I weren’t I wouldn’t want to date someone for whom a few extra pounds is a dealbreaker. Also, since I’m poly and in an open relationship, I look for people who are also poly, or who are open to dating someone who is in a relationship.

How do you filter your messages online? Are there any red flags when you read a message that make you not want to respond?

I filter out cut and paste messages. I really love that feature on Mesh. That’s pretty much the only filtering I have set, because I’m pretty tolerant of everything else and I trust my ability to decide on my own.

Yeah I immediately do not want to respond when guys preface their message with “Hi beautiful” “hey pretty lady” “hey angel” “hi darling”. I smell Nice Guy Syndrome, and they are opening with a compliment that I am expected to pay them back for in some way.  It’s a dead giveaway for douche.

However, I always respond.  90% of the time I say “Thanks for the compliment, but I’m not interested.”

What are you looking to get out of online dating?

Meeting more people and practicing communicating, practicing relationships of all kinds, figuring out what I’m attracted to.  I don’t have any specific rules about what relationships can evolve into other than my agreements with my primary partner.

What are some dealbreakers or red flags when you’re looking at profiles? 

If they have a man bun, but no beard, chances are I’m not gonna be into it. Man bun + beard = virility. I’m ok with that. Also, I’m a shorter guy, so if anyone is 6-foot or above, I’m just gonna automatically assume you won’t be into me, so therefore I won’t even look at you.

When your profile is way too long, rambles on, and has tons of typos and lols and ums and basicallys and literallys in it, I’m gonna swipe left. I also hate it when every picture of you is with a group of friends.

What makes you want to send someone a message when you’re browsing profiles?

Kindness in their eyes + plus something enticing in their profile, such as things we have in common or some tidbit that piques my interest.

Are there any key items you look for immediately on someone’s profile

In order: All the profile pics, their height, their smoking status (smoking is a deal breaker), their star sign because I believe in it when it comes to compatibility, then their profile description, and back to their profile pics.

How do you filter your messages online? Are there any red flags when you read a message that make you not want to respond?

If you message me and I think you’re remotely interesting, I’m gonna respond.

I immediately ignore:

• “Sup?”
• “Looking?”
• “Trade pics?”
• Unsolicited wang pics.
• And something along the lines of, “I just love Puerto Ricans/Colombians/Dominicans/insert nationality & ethnicity here.” It’s gross. Don’t just message me because I’m Latino and you’re in a Latino phase.

What are you looking to get out of online dating? 

Hookups, short term, long term, and even friends.

What are some dealbreakers or red flags when you’re looking at profiles? 

Kids. Bad teeth. Overly sexual.

What makes you want to send someone a message when you’re browsing profiles? 

Genuine profile. Maybe a funny one liner.

Are there any key items you look for immediately on someone’s profile?

Religion. Education.

How do you filter your messages online? Are there any red flags when you read a message that make you not want to respond?

I always respond once. I think it takes courage and a real sense of wanting to meet someone to send a message. Therefore I always respect it.

What are you looking to get out of online dating? 

Long term although it is so foreign. I end up with hook ups.

What are some dealbreakers or red flags when you’re looking at profiles?

Girls who have boyfriends and are looking for someone to go on dates and have casual sex with because their boyfriends are “fine with them seeing other girls”. Of course they are. I admire people who can function in open relationships but the last thing I need while searching for my special someone is a reminder that other people have already found that someone and now get to look for seconds.

Also, if there is no clear picture of their face then it’s a no go. Kind of like when you are looking for an apartment online and there is only one picture and it’s of the bathroom. Would you go see that apartment?

If a person admittedly doesn’t like to read and that is something they thought was important to share in their profile then that’s a deal breaker for me.

What makes you want to send someone a message when you’re browsing profiles? 

For me, variety is probably what draws me in most. I am the type of girl who has a hockey game going on her computer while watching an episode of Glee on the TV. I enjoy being able to talk a little about lot of things instead of a lot about a few things, so I tend to look for girls who have eclectic interests. In Tinder world, where there isn’t really a profile, I will be more likely to send a message if someone shares pictures of them out doing things instead of selfies in their bedroom or bathroom.

I have been trying to send more messages lately. I used to wait to be messaged first but I have to imagine that other girls do the same thing, which kind of defeats the entire purpose of online dating.

Are there any key items you look for immediately on someone’s profile?

The first thing I check is if they are “bi” or “gay”. I have used online platforms to date men in the past so I have nothing against identifying as bisexual or admitting that you fall somewhere on a spectrum. However, the online dating pool is very large and I find this criteria to be a simple way to narrow the field. When it comes to relationships I connect more deeply with women and can really only see myself with a woman long term. As my focus shifted from just dating to looking for something more long-term, going on dates with men just felt pointless. I know first-hand that bisexual can mean a lot of different things and at 29 I like to reduce my chances of getting excited about someone who ultimately doesn’t see herself ending up with a woman.

I also look at the movies, shows and books a girl likes. If our tastes are too different or she says something along the lines of “I don’t watch television and only like Woody Allen movies” then we probably won’t like each other very much. If a girl can’t watch Sister Act 2 with me from time to time then it’s just not going to last.

Are there any red flags when you read a message that make you not want to respond?

Messages from guys. I am identified as gay, have the two girls dancing emoji and the rainbow emoji in my profile but they try anyway. If emojis can’t protect me, I don’t know what can! Also, messages from couples, I would imagine that all females have to deal with this and often wonder if lesbians get asked more. I would say about one out of every four messages I get is from a couple.

If I’m not attracted to you I’m not going to write back. It is what it is.

If someone just says “Hey”, or “Hi” or “You’re cute” I usually won’t respond. I think it says a lot when someone initiates

What are you looking to get out of online dating?

This has jumped around a lot for me over the years. Now I just try not to have expectations, especially not until we have been out a handful of times. Also can someone explain to me what a short term relationship is and how one seeks that out? What is this magical in-between time where you agree that you aren’t just hooking up, but there’s also no future, but you’re going to ride it out anyway? Maybe you’re moving in a few months? Is that what short-term is for?

We’re talking to five online daters to get their views on a very important aspect of online dating: meeting someone (IN PERSON) for the first time. Check out part one of what they had to say about their best first dates, what to wear, and their biggest fears about meeting up with an online love interest – in the flesh!

What’s the best first date you’ve had with someone you met online?

I took someone to a day date at MoMa once. It was nice and I scored intelligence brownie points. 

What’s your biggest fear when you go on a first date with someone you met online?

That you’ll meet somebody that looks/is nothing like advertised. It’s annoying because you spend so much time getting to know someone beforehand and given short time constraints in NYC that becomes annoying

What do you usually wear on a first date?

Depends on where we’re going, but most time I’ll wear all black.

Tell me about the weirdest or worst first date you’ve had with someone you met online.

So many… One time the guy was actually 30 years older than his picture, another time I got trapped in a 3 hour dinner with the the world’s most boring man? Prefer not to think of those

In your experience, do the people you meet look like their profile pictures?

80% of the times they don’t. The degree of disparity varies though.

What’s the best first date you’ve had with someone you met online?

I’ve actually been on a lot of great first dates with people I met online. I love meeting people and unless there’s just nothing in common I usually try to have a good time whether or not I’m attracted to them.

The best one of all though, hmmm…. I was living in a guest house in Topanga, CA.  We’d been talking online for a while – but he lived in another city. We finally arranged to meet – at my actual place.  He showed up, we went down to my woodpile, and he split some and stacked it to replace the armload we each then carried up the hill.  We built a fire, cooked dinner from my CSA box, listened to music, had sex – and he hasn’t left since.

What’s your biggest fear when you go on a first date with someone you met online?

That they will reject me because of the shape or size of my body.

What do you usually wear on a first date?

I work from home and don’t give a shit, and often go out in my pajamas, so I have pathetically few flattering outfits.  I actually have a series of date outfits, specifically so it doesn’t look like I’m wearing the same thing every time, and I keep track of the sequence of them, lol. I usually wear leggings, a short skirt, and a V-neck long-sleeved shirt.

Tell me about the weirdest or worst first date you’ve had with someone you met online.

Mostly they’ve just been boring.  I seem to be the kind of person that people trust, so a lot I’ll get told really strange deep secretive stuff on a first date. Recently a bisexual date told me that he went on a date with a man just to have sex, but then there was an additional man there when he got there that was older and a friend of his father’s – and that he went through with the sexual activity with both of them anyway out of some sort of weird obligation – and he didn’t feel good about himself for it.  That’s definitely a weird thing to hear on a first date.

In your experience, do the people you meet look like their profile pictures?

Yes, mostly – there’s usually some resemblance.  Except this one guy I went on a date with a few weeks ago looked all pudgy in his profile photos and was in ridiculously toned shape when I met him in person!  He’d just not bothered to change the photos, which made him all the more hot to me because he wasn’t sorting for women who care deeply about how toned his body is, nor was he getting healthy and toned for the sake of the way it made him look, rather how it made him feel.

What’s the best first date you’ve had with someone you met online?

There’s been a couple that I’ve been on that I’d entered with zero expectations, and they turned out to be genuinely good times. They didn’t materialize into much, but it was fun getting to know and spending time with some new, interesting people. 

What’s your biggest fear when you go on a first date with someone you met online?

That it will be incredibly awkward, they don’t look anything like their pictures, they’re serial killers.  You know, the usual.

What do you usually wear on a first date?

Nothing too fancy. Jeans and a cute shirt. Maybe some boots.

Tell me about the weirdest or worst first date you’ve had with someone you met online…

I luckily haven’t had any horror stories. Maybe I’m due for one now? I had one date that there was just no chemistry there at all. I felt like I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.  I basically chugged my beer looking to speed things up, but he really nursed that bad boy. I counted my lucky stars afterwards that we never exchanged phone numbers. We had only communicated via the dating sight, so there was no opportunity for any post-date uncomfortable texts.

In your experience, do the people you meet look like their profile pictures?

I think most of the guys in have met generally look like their pictures.

What’s the best first date you’ve had with someone you met online?

I went on a great first date over the summer with a girl that said she was down for anything as long as it was outside.  We met at a coffee shop and bought drinks to take outside. We walked and talked for a few hours and wandered around until we found a street fair. A photographer took our picture and asked how long we were dating. We said several months and laughed about the lie. We grabbed dinner at a restaurant that played silent movies on a big projector outside. The rest of the night we spent bar hopping and eventually cabbed it home. We made out in the back seat and parted ways.

What’s your biggest fear when you go on a first date with someone you met online?

The thought of having nothing to talk about or dating someone whose easily offended sounds like a nightmare to me.  The idea of the date being awkward and uncomfortable is enough to make me want to get the check quick and split.

What do you usually wear on a first date?

If you choose a laid back watering hole for a drink, you may just wear what you wore to work or plan to dress a little less casual by sporting a nice pair of slacks or shoes. If the date seems a bit more formal and you have dinner reservations, a sports coat partnered with a button down and clean jeans is a solid choice. Usually, you can’t go wrong with a clean button down, a pair of jeans and your favorite boots.

Tell me about the weirdest or worst first date you’ve had with someone you met online…

I once went on a date with a girl that had used photos of her roommate as her profile picture.  When I arrived at the bar to meet her I was approached by a random girl I had never seen before who knew exactly who I was. I later revisited her profile and discovered that she was indeed featured in her profile photos – only in the background, out of focus and completely in shadow.  Needless to say, it was a disappointing discovery and despite being catfished I had a decent time talking with her. This was however our first and last date.

 In your experience, do the people you meet look like their profile pictures?

Other then the date mentioned above, the dates I’ve been on have always looked like the person represented on the profile.  I will say that usually the person is never as good in person then their carefully selected photos that they think represent them. There is also a trend with some women to feature older photos that show them in a more flattering light. This usually comes down to images of themselves before a noticeable weight increase. Not always but sometimes.

What’s the best first date you’ve had with someone you met online?

Hmmm…well there are fun first dates and there are “best” first dates. I think the best dates are when you really feel like you clicked with someone by the end and you know you want to see them again. When that happens it doesn’t really matter what kind of date you went on. I think on my best date we just kind of bar hopped and then made out outside of the subway for a while.

What’s your biggest fear when you go on a first date with someone you met online?

That I will be bored. The worst is when you are on first date and two minutes in you realize that the other person can’t carry a conversation. I went on a first date last Sunday and here is how the beginning kind of went. Me: “So you grew up in Italy, what’s that like?” Her: “It’s fine.” Me: “How long have you been in NY? Do you like it?” Her: “A few years. It’s okay?” Me:“What do you do?” Her: “Work in Finance.” Me: “Do you like it?” Her: “Yeah” Me: “Okay do you mind if I ask you a weird question? If you could choose between flying and being invisible which would you choose?” Her: “Huh? I don’t know.” Okay that last part is a little exaggerated, but you get the point. First dates are awkward but you know nothing about each other so all you have to do is be able to talk about yourself and ask a few questions. If you just engage a little I find more interesting conversation happens on its own. If you refuse to use more than four word answers then you are both fucked.

What do you usually wear on a first date?

I wear what I would wear out to dinner with friends. Jeans, a nice top and fun shoes. I also usually up my make-up game for dates. I am relatively femme and I tend to like girls who are even more femme then I am.

Tell me about the weirdest or worst first date you’ve had with someone you met online…

The weirdest was definitely the stand-up comedy show I mentioned last time. The worst was this girl whose best girlfriend’s friends has just gotten engaged. She told me about it right away and I quickly got the feeling she was very upset by this engagement and had serious feelings for one of the girls. She was distracted the entire time and both of us just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. Shit happens, but if you have some drama going on then re-fucking-schedule.

In your experience, do the people you meet look like their profile pictures?

When I was dating guys I always thought they paled in comparison to their pictures, but the ladies tend to look better than their pictures. Either guys are blinded by self-confidence while ladies tend to curb expectations. Oooooor I’m just uninterested in the reality of dating a man and very interested in the reality of dating a woman.

Netflix – it’s the cheapest date around. For just $7.99 a month, you gain access to a seemingly endless library of binge-worthy content. Perfect for a marathon weekend date, or an intimate night in with your bae. Sometimes, there’s no better date than a Netflix date.

But with so many choices, it can be hard to decide what watch. To avoid any unnecessary bickering, we’ve done the browsing work for you. Here’s some of the best date movies and shows that are currently streaming Netflix:

If you’re looking to become the next big power couple…

Watch House of Cards, Season 3

Frank and Claire Underwood are not a typical couple by any means, but they understand one another and stick by each other, no matter what comes their way. It’s an odd romance, but one that will keep you hooked for a long weekend in if you and your boo feel like a binge watching session.

If you love Rom Com’s but your date doesn’t…

Watch Sleepless in Seattle

Rom coms are usually hard to agree on, but that’s not true in this case – in fact, people still bring up Sleepless in Seattle as one of the greatest romantic comedies of all time. It was even nominated for a Golden Globe for Best Film – Musical or Comedy. If nothing else, it’s worth the watch to see Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, two of America’s sweethearts, at the top of their game. If you’re gonna go rom com, you’re gonna wanna start here.

If you need something to do on Pi day…

Watch Labor Day

3/14 is Pi day, and I can’t think of a better way to celebrate than by watching the pie baking scene in this flick that’s so sexy it’s been compared to the pottery scene in Ghost. Josh Brolin plays a hottie of a convicted murderer who escapes from prison and ends up shacking up with Kate Winslet’s lonely divorcee and her 13-year-old son in this drama from Director Jason Reitman.

If you and your date are ready to LOL…

Watch The Interview

Want to show off your sense of humor to your boo? Choose this controversial flick, starring Seth Rogen and James Franco as two American entertainers asked to interview (and assassinate) Kim Jong-il. The jokes are on the silly/weird side, but if want to see the reason South Korea supposedly hacked Sony a few months ago, it’s only a play button away.

If you don’t mind your date ogling naked ladies…

Watch Wolf of Wall Street

Are you ready for 3+ hours of terrible behavior, lying, cheating, stealing, sex, and lots of drugs? If you and your date answered “yes” to that question, then add Wolf of Wall Street to your Watch List, stat. Leo DiCaprio plays real life broker Jordan Belfort in this 2014 Oscar nominated film and to say that he’s a shady character is an understatement. Tune in if you and your boo are like, way into quaaludes, or if you just want to see Leo dancing like this:

If you want to feel like you’re out on the town…

Watch Aziz Ansari Live at Madison Square Garden

Watching Ansari’s special is like going on a date to a comedy show, without leaving the warmth of your apartment and the comfort of your couch. Perfect for lazy late night laughs, watching this with your date can help break the ice for new loves, or bring new fun to seasoned couples. Added bonus? The beers at your apartment are way cheaper than what you’d pay at MSG.

If you and your date are fans of 30 Rock’s odd humor…

Watch Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 1

NBC passed on this sitcom from creators Tina Fey and Robert Carlock because they found it too weird to air. It stars former cast member of The Office, Ellie Kemper, as a woman who moves to NYC after spending 15 years trapped in an underground bunker run by a cult leader. Now you probably understand why this never aired on primetime TV… If anything, it will give you and your date something to talk about (and hopefully make you laugh, too).

If you and your date are a little crazy about each other…

Watch Silver Linings Playbook

You can’t really go wrong with this classic about two attractive singles who are a little mentally unstable, until they find balance in each other.  It stars Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence, so there’s something for everyone to drool over in this fun romp.  Hopefully this movie will have you and your date a little more accepting of each other’s quirks, and your own.

If you need a new way to sift through your long list of potential suitors, look no further than the stars. No, I’m not suggesting that you tweet Kanye & Kim asking for dating advice. I’m talking about tapping into some good old-fashioned astrology knowledge.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I sometimes roll my eyes when people mention how their zodiac sign affects their life, and don’t get me started about how I feel when every Facebook status I read is about how Mercury is in retrograde.

But whether you’re a believer or skeptic, this Astrology stuff seems to know what it’s talking about. Or at least it talks a big game and has confidence. And when you’re looking for love, I guess it can’t hurt to take all the advice you can get.

So find your sign below and see what kind of zodiac lover would be best for you.

If you’re an Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You’re most compatible with: Sagittarius

If you’re looking for someone to match your natural Aries’ passion, enthusiasm and upbeat look on life; a Sagittarius is a perfect match for you. And they won’t hold you back, either – Sagittarians value their own freedom, so your strong independent streak won’t bother them one bit. In fact, you two might enjoy conquering new adventures together. And since both signs are ruled by the element of fire, you’ll be the hottest pair around.

You’re least compatible with: Cancer

As an Aries who values their freedom, shacking up with a Cancer might be the worst possible thing you can do. Cancers are extremely sensitive and they need strong emotional security to feel at ease, so they may find it hard to deal with your spontaneous and sometimes combative nature.

If you’re a Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’re most compatible with: Capricorn

Capricorns share the deep-seated need for security that comes along with being a Taurus, which makes you a good match for a long-term relationship. Caps natural drive to succeed and make money will also help you feel secure, and their romantic nature will appeal to your passionate sensibilities.

You’re least compatible with: Aquarius

Aquarius might be the name of a catchy song from the musical Hair, but that’s about all you should try to get out of this zodiac sign – Aquarius is your worst possible match. Much like the song bearing their name, Aquarius natives are highly progressive, rebellious and non-conformist, which doesn’t mesh well with your cautious manner and resistance to change. Steer clear if you can!

If you’re a Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You’re most compatible with: Libra

This will be (quite literally) a beautiful relationship, since you both share a love of art, culture and fun. Neither of you has a problem with jealousy, so don’t worry about doing your own thing with your friends. And since you’re both social beings, you won’t have to worry about dragging a Libra out with you on a Friday night – they’ll be ready to go! This pairing will be warm and open, which sounds pretty darn good to me.

You’re least compatible with: Pisces

Life’s a party, right? NOT WITH YOU AND PISCES! If you try to make it work with a Pisces, you will find yourself getting frustrated with their extremely sensitive nature and tendency to brood. On the flipside, Pisces will see your fun-loving, playful nature as fickle and careless. The result? Miscommunication, mistrust and instability.

If you’re a Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You’re most compatible with: Scorpio

You and a Scorpio are a match made in heaven – your Scorpio’s love of power will help you get the security you crave from the relationship, and their passion will help you come out of your shell. This is truly a case where each person’s personality will make the other feel safe and loved, and it doesn’t get much better than that.

You’re least compatible with: Gemini

You might hit it off with the social, fun-loving Gemini, but in the end you’re far too different for things to work out long-term. You’re pretty introverted, so the boisterous, outgoing Gemini might be too much for you to handle. You’d much rather stay home and have a House of Cards marathon on Netflix, while Gemini would lose their mind without some time out and about, hanging with friends.

If you’re a Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You’re most compatible with: Aries

You and Aries have a similar disposition, which will help you both understand where the other is coming from. You are both very energetic and passionate, and share a mutual love of sex (50 Shades of Grey, anyone?). You both have egos that can cause you to butt heads, but as long as you respect one another, this can be an asset.

You’re least compatible with: Capricorn

Leos and Caps do not see eye to eye on much. The lack of creativity and imagination from your Capricorn partner will disappoint you, since you value passion and the arts. More importantly, you both have totally different viewpoints and energy levels when it comes to gettin’ it on. So unfortunately, this match wouldn’t even work out for a booty call.

If you’re a Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You’re most compatible with: Taurus

As Earth signs, both you and Taurus are introverts who like to spend time at home. You also both value security in love, so you’ll both find lots of comfort in the solid safety of your relationship. The only issue you may have is losing patience with one another, but that’s is easy enough to do when everything else will come easily to your love match.

You’re least compatible with: Gemini

Gemini are much too flighty and impractical in your eyes for a lasting relationship. On the flipside, they’ll find you dull and boring (Can you even imagine?!? The nerve of them!). Nope, you and Gemini are definitely not a match made in heaven – the fickle Gemini won’t be able to provide you with the security you’re looking for. Better look elsewhere for love.

If you’re a Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You’re most compatible with: Libra

Venture no further than your own sign to find a great potential partner. You’ll share a love of beauty, art and harmony. And since Libras want nothing more than to get along and be peaceful, there won’t be much fighting at all in this relationship. Libras love to be in love, and you’ll enjoy doing romantic things together like candlelit dinners and dancing under the stars (if you’re into that sorta thing).

You’re least compatible with: Pisces

You and a Pisces might start off hot and heavy, since you’re both sentimental signs that focus on the happiness of others. But beware of rough roads ahead! Pisces don’t generally get along with everyone and anyone like you can, which might make you uncomfortable. Plus their tendency to sulk and brood when upset will irritate the shit out of you.

If you’re a Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You’re most compatible with: Pisces

As a Scorpio, you are oftentimes caught up in making your own secret plans in your head, so you’ll appreciate Pisces’ ability to deal with your withdrawn or mysterious nature. You’re similar in that you’re both very much in touch with the subtleties of human interaction, which will bode well for staying on the same page. You’ll also find it fun to help the dreamy Pisces turn their ideas into reality.

You’re least compatible with: Leo

Leos are too lighthearted for your intense nature. You’ll also find your Leo partner’s constant need for attention and praise a bit draining, to the point of annoyance. You’re looking for a partner, not to babysit an ego. Plus, you are both extremely strong-willed, which could result in power struggles down the line.

If you’re a Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You’re most compatible with: Aquarius

Aquarius shares your excitement for life and idealism, which will help you both feel secure and ready to go after your goals. You’ll also love the individuality, vision and creativity your Aquarius will bring to the relationship. And since you’re both independent creatures, neither of you will feel suffocated (or neglected) by the other.

You’re least compatible with: Taurus

Taurus? More like SNORE-us! If you date a homebody Taurus, you’ll be bored out of your mind when they insist on hanging in at their apartment to play board games – you’d much rather be out socializing with friends. Pair that with their sometimes harsh nature, and you’ve got a match that isn’t so perfect.

If you’re a Capricorn (December 21 – January 20)

You’re most compatible with: Virgo

You’re both smart and pragmatic, so this will be a mutual partnership that shares a realistic approach towards life and love. You’ll appreciate your Virgo’s intuition and attention to detail, and since you both expect a lot of yourselves (and others), you’ll be turned on by each other’s drive to succeed.

You’re least compatible with: Gemini

You might be drawn in by Gemini’s boisterous, outgoing nature as a welcome respite from your natural quiet – but over time you two will have to deal with your very different worldviews. You’re very realistic and concerned with advancement and status. The flighty nature of your Gemini may get on your nerves in the long run.

If you’re an Aquarius (January 21 – February 19)

You’re most compatible with: Libra

Libra are very sensual people, and your natural abilities in the bedroom will leave your partner satisfied and wanting more. You both share a love for the finer side of life, and appreciate the beauty around you. You’re both social and charismatic, and will attract friends of both sexes. This is a pairing that will work both at at the bar and in the bedroom.

You’re least compatible with: Cancer

As an Aquarius, you lead an upbeat lifestyle that isn’t always super conventional. You love to party, go out and are a super social creature, which does not sit well with reserved Cancers who would much rather have a night in than a night on the town. Your progressive nature will also not bode well against Cancer’s old-fashioned ways and traditions.

If you’re a Pisces (February 20 – March 21)

You’re most compatible with: Scorpio

You will be very intrigued by the Scorpio’s intense passion and mysterious nature, and they will be drawn to your kind and warm spirit. In fact, Scorpio is such a great match for you, oftentimes you’ll feel like you won’t even have to talk to be on the same page. Even the jealous nature of the Scorpio will play to your advantage, because honestly – you kinda like the extra attention.

You’re least compatible with: Pisces

Dating another Pisces will give you a partner who understands your ways, and a match for your sensitive and emotional nature. However, you’re a very easy-going person, and paired with another Pisces you may become lethargic and lazy. Since it’s in your nature to avoid conflict, oftentimes if there’s a problem neither partner will bring it up and it will fester, causing issues with your relationship.

Date one is in the books! And it was . . . not so great. But how should you cut ties with the person you just shared a few hours of awkward small talk and sudsy brews with? Keep your head up, tiger, we’ve all been there.

In some cases, they won’t be interested in you either. This is the absolute best-case scenario! Neither of you will hear from each other, or care to! You can just go on with your search for love, knowing that the last words you both texted to one another were before you actually met in person. I like to call this mutual ghosting.

They never heard from each other again (and both lived happily ever after).

But let’s say the disinterested feeling is not so clearly mutual. What happens then? Well, there are a lot of ways you can let your date know that a second date won’t be happening. But how you choose to tell them will definitely affect how you go down in the book of your former date’s life.

To help you out, here are a few options of how people might text a first date goodbye. And since karma really is a bitch, I’ll point out which of these tactics should best be avoided, and which you should try out.

1. The Short Answer

Giving someone abrupt or one-word answers to any text communication they throw at you is a surefire way to let them know you aren’t into it. Unless they’re terrible at reading social cues, or ridiculously optimistic, sending short messages is one way to clue your date into the fact that you aren’t feeling it, without totally ghosting.

Karma Scale: Kinda immature.

While giving short answers will make it quite obvious that you don’t want to go on another date, it’s not the nicest way to let someone down. Think of their excitement watching the little “typing” dots on their smartphone, only to receive a one word, deflecting message. So while short answers may make it easier to avoid the big goodbye, it’s certainly not the most polite way to let your date down.

2. The Fake Mistake

Sending a quick text right after you leave the date that was supposedly meant “for a friend” will end things pretty quickly for you.

Karma Scale: Slimy as Hell.

NEVER EVER DO THIS. It’s terrible and mean and will make your poor date feel like a-hole. I’ve heard of people getting texts like this and it’s so unnecessary. Dating is hard enough as it is, let’s ditch the mean shenanigans. And if anyone ever sent out a text like this by accident, I’M STILL MAD AT YA! Concentrate on what you’re doing! People’s hearts are on the line!

3. The Busy Bee

One way of avoiding a second date is to never have time in your busy schedule to meet up again. This tactic gives you many different creative excuses to use for why you can’t hang out — maybe you’re going on vacation, or work has been super busy lately. Perhaps your family is coming to town, or you simply already have plans with friends. The possibilities are endless, you busy bee, you.

Karma Scale: It’s not necessarily mean, but it sure is annoying.

There’s a couple ways to look at this tactic: It’s an easy way to avoid telling someone that you have no desire to see them again, but it also encourages them to keep asking you to hang at a later date. It’s not inherently mean, but also not the most straightforward way to go about ending things after a first date. Most people will probably get the hint, or just get fed up and stop asking you to hang out again, but you’d be surprised at how persistent a lonely human soul can be.

4. The Too Much, Too Fast

As a general rule, what’s the fastest way to make a date run quickly in the other direction? TALK OF COMMITMENT AND THE FUTURE! Keeping that in mind, here’s a surefire way to get your date to never want to talk to your crazy ass again: talk about your future together.

Karma Scale: You’re walking a very dangerous line.

Odds are your date will be the one ghosting YOU once you start talking about marriage and kiddos, but this plan has a very big risk factor. If you’re dealing with someone who is looking for a long-term commitment, this text may be encouraging to them – and that means it’ll be even harder to shake them later down the line. This technique should probably never be used.

5. The Actual Ghosting

It’s a phrase we’ve all heard many times – the oldest trick in the new book of dating: ghosting. For those of us keeping score at home, ghosting means that you just stop responding to someone’s texts – total, complete silence. It can be a sad tactic for the person being ghosted on, but you can’t argue with it’s effectiveness at proving your point.

Karma Scale: Eh, I forgive you.

I have a very specific moral code when it comes to many things. In this case, I think it’s totally okay to ghost after a bad first date. Compared to all the other tactics we’ve covered so far, this is the most painless way to show your date that you’re just not that into them. And in my book, shooting each other a couple texts and meeting up for a drink doesn’t mean you owe each other anything afterwards. It’s the equivalent of meeting someone at a bar one night, chatting a bit, and then never talking to them again. After date one, if you have the option of being mean, leading someone on, or simply cutting all ties – I say ghosting is the way to go.

6. The Open, Honest Communication

Now that we’ve covered pretty much all the things you SHOULDN’T text after a first date, let’s examine a much easier route: telling the truth. No games, no lies, just 100% honesty. It seems so simple, yet it’s so effective.

Karma Scale: Honesty is the best policy.

Everyone out there dating is in the same boat as you, just trying to find companionship – so why make it any harder than it already is? Being straightforward in a polite way lets both you and your date move on and find someone else who is a better fit. And even if they are a little bummed at first, being upfront spares them heartache and saves them time. You’ll generally find that if you decide to use this tactic, your date (and humanity) will appreciate it.

Turns out, there’s a lot to say about a first date. In part 2 of our First Date Sound Off, our daters delve into what makes a great first date, how to greet your date, and the most dreaded question of all – who should pay the tab? See what our daters had to say, below.

What do you think is the perfect first date activity?

Going to a museum, a quick drink or coffee (Not dinner, movie or anything that traps you).

Is there anything you look for immediately when your date enters that turns you on or off?

Intelligence. Anyone who asks for my astrological sign is out.

How do you generally greet your first date? Hug? Handshake? Wave?

Hug.

In your opinion – who should pick up the check on a first date?

Split 50/50…unless I really feel strongly about the person and I want to signal that I’m interested.

How do you feel about kissing on a first date? If there’s no kiss, do you consider the person just a friend?

Could go either way. I’ve had dates where no physical activity of any sort took place that were most intriguing and I saw the guys again, and there have been ones where it turned into a hook-up and bye bye in less than an hour.

What advice would you give to someone going on a first date with you?

Cliche ahead: just be yourself. I could find something charming in shallowness if I really try, but the pretending guys I have no time/patience for.

What do you think is the perfect first date activity?

I think a meal and drinks are the best, but I notice lately how dates seem to meet at the bar and then we get a drink and figure out if we actually want to move to a table. This is probably the best plan, but I have to learn to be better about just taking the drink…

Is there anything you look for immediately when your date enters that turns you on or off?

Posture. I think it’s the best indicator of where someone is storing emotions in their body, and how they’ve locked themselves up or what emotional blocks they are facing.  Posture doesn’t lie.

How do you generally greet your first date? Hug? Handshake? Wave?

Hug.

In your opinion – who should pick up the check on a first date?

To me, there is no “should” here, it can all be derived via communication. That said, dating is a world of subtle signaling.  If he picks up the check, and I let him: I probably want to sleep with him. If he doesn’t pick up the check, I will not take it as a sign of interest, or as a sign of him being feminist – I’ll take it as a sign that he is not interested, or that he does not value me highly.  On a first date, if I am definitely not interested, I will adamantly offer to cover my half.

How do you feel about kissing on a first date? If there’s no kiss, do you consider the person just a friend?

If I really like a person – the chances are we’re going to kiss on the first date. But there might be other circumstances – like recently I went on a date in the city where my parents live, and they were standing right there when he left. It was clear we’re both attracted to each other and he was cool enough to hang out with my parents on a first date – and I’m sure I’ll see him again if I’m in his city – but we didn’t kiss because it would have been totally awkward.

What advice would you give to someone going on a first date with you?

Practice Tit for Tat.  Be conscious, present, and focused on me. Ask questions, but also reveal yourself. Share fearlessly. Don’t sweat the mainstream stereotypical b.s. (I don’t care how tall you are, ffs).

What do you think is the perfect first date activity?

Meeting for happy hour. If it goes well it can continue into the night. If it doesn’t, there’s always the ‘I have dinner plans’ out.

Is there anything you look for immediately when your date enters that turns you on or off?

Not really. Just that they look presentable!

How do you generally greet your first date? Hug? Handshake? Wave?

Usually a hug. Once or twice there’s been a handshake in there.

In your opinion – who should pick up the check on a first date?

I think the check should be split on the first date. I always go for the split, but if the guy INSISTS on picking it up, I’m okay with that.

How do you feel about kissing on a first date? If there’s no kiss, do you consider the person just a friend?

I think if the date goes well, it’s nice to gauge if there’s any chemistry there with a kiss. But I don’t necessarily think no kiss equals being friend-zoned.

What advice would you give to someone going on a first date with you?

Just to go in with an open mind, and without any expectations.

What do you think is the perfect first date activity?

Meeting at a bar is the old standby for most.  In my experience however, I find that sitting in a loud bar talking while slowly getting drunk tends to be less memorable and let’s face it, is no different then how meeting someone at a bar usually goes. For the best experience, I suggest doing an activity that encourages cooperation and fun.  Escape the Room is a great first date if you really want to get to know someone.  Also, any bar with a Jenga set is a sure fire way to pass the time while getting a healthy dose of competitive play.

Is there anything you look for immediately when your date enters that turns you on or off?

Looking like their profile picture is a turn on. You obviously found the person’s profile pictures attractive, otherwise you wouldn’t have agreed to the date in the first place. If they don’t, that’s a definite turn off.

How do you generally greet your first date? Hug? Handshake? Wave?

If its an impromptu date and the texting between us is short and to the point, ill usually greet them with a handshake.  If I feel like a stronger bond was formed via text (telling jokes, stories, and generally have a better knowledge of the person) I’ll greet them with a more affectionate hug.

In your opinion – who should pick up the check on a first date?

I would say it depends on the nature of the date.  I have had dates where we were both very attracted to each other and this made picking up the check a battle of who was trying to impress the other. On one date I was insistent on picking up the check but was told that I was better off  saving my money and splitting since she didn’t think this was going anywhere.

How do you feel about kissing on a first date? If there’s no kiss, do you consider the person just a friend?

Kissing on a first date is great. Depending on the level of kissing you can get a good idea of how the person feels about you. Cheek kiss at the end is respectable and might just mean that person had a good time and wants to take their time with the relationship.  Handshakes however, mean you ultimately fucked up somewhere on the night and the chances of getting a second date is low. A close lipped kiss on the lips is a seal of approval. if it is reciprocated, this means that the date went great and you want to see the person again. Now, a french kiss at the end of a first date can mean that a strong sexual attraction had been reached and both parties are interested in enjoying each other on a very physical level, very soon and possibly that night if they play their cards right.

What advice would you give to someone going on a first date with you?

Be yourself. I find that most people on the first date will try to act like 20 different people to see what sticks with the date. I know I once changed my entire political stance just to seem compatible with a date that I was really attracted to.  In the end, just be honest and don’t be afraid to embarrass yourself. You’d be surprised how many people find it endearing/charming.

What do you think is the perfect first date activity?

First dates are always better with an activity. Something more than just eating dinner and/or drinking. Even if it is something simple like walking the promenade or walking through a street fair or seeing an exhibit at a museum. This way when you sit down for drinks you have a shared experience, some common ground and time to loosen up a bit. Alcohol also always helps a first date.

Is there anything you look for immediately when your date enters that turns you on or off?

Okay time to get shallow. I have a weird thing with moles. I won’t try to justify or explain it but if there is a large face or arm mole happening then I’m going to have a very hard time getting past that. Sorry, I’m a horrible person.

How do you generally greet your first date? Hug? Handshake? Wave?

Hug. This isn’t a business meeting and the possibility (even if it’s a small possibility) of sex is on the table. Let’s skip the handshake.

In your opinion – who should pick up the check on a first date?

We split. I have had girls try to pay when they choose an expensive place but there is no way I would let that happen. One of the perks of being a lesbian is that we don’t need to play into some stupid patriarchal power structure. *Climbs off soap box*

If we end up going to a second or third location then there is a lot of “I’ll buy this round and you get the next round.” I feel like when that happens you are both saying “I’m having a good time and I’m in this for a few more drinks”. If you offer to buy a round and they refuse to let you then they are probably planning on ending the date after the next drink.

How do you feel about kissing on a first date? If there’s no kiss, do you consider the person just a friend?

It can really go either way on a first date. If the opportunity arises and you are both feeling it then it will happen, but if it doesn’t then that doesn’t mean you didn’t connect. I once prevented a first kiss from happening because whatever I ate and/or drank made my mouth feel really dry and I didn’t want her walking away thinking “gross” or me walking away thinking “could she tell my mouth was dry?”. Kind of sucks the romance out of it.

What advice would you give to someone going on a first date with you?

Just be willing to contribute to the conversation. Nothing is more exhausting than having to carry the entire conversation and nothing you can say will turn me off more than you saying nothing at all. Okay…that’s not entirely true.

They don’t call it the most wonderful time of the year for nothing — in fact, the holiday season can be one of the coziest, most loving times. So why not take advantage and invite your hunny over for a romantic dinner date? It’s intimate, affordable and sure to spark some holiday passion. Cook your favorite recipe (or order take out), tune into the Yule log TV channel, and throw on our Holiday Dinner Date Playlist to help set the mood. And don’t forget the mistletoe.

The holiday season is always tricky, but it’s even tougher if you’re dating someone new. It’s natural to want to give your boo a little something to spread some cheer. But it’s hard to find a balance between a gift that says you like spending time with someone, and one that makes them want to run in the opposite direction. The general rule of gift giving for someone you’re casually dating is that you shouldn’t spend too much money. Instead, try to give a little something that has a personal feel to it, without breaking the bank.

1. King’s County Distillery Whiskey, $40, Various locations

Help your date stay warm this winter with a nice bottle of bourbon whiskey from King’s County Distillery in Brooklyn. Made from New York State organic corn and malted barley from the U.K., this whiskey is aged in American oak charred barrels for 12 months, or longer. That means your new partner will enjoy robust, deep flavors. And if they want more, your next hangout can be at the Distillery, which hosts tours and tastings every Saturday.

2. Rakka Chocolate Gift Box, $30, Raakachocolate.com

Give your sweetie something for their sweet tooth with this 4 bar gift box. Rakka Chocolate is handcrafted in Brooklyn, and their chocolate is certified organic, certified fair trade, soy-free, nut-free, gluten-free, and vegan. So pretty much anybody can eat it!

3. NYC Bars & Lounges Gift Cards, $20, cityshuffle.com

This gift may look like just a regular deck of cards, but trust us, it’s much more. City Shuffle’s Bar & Lounge Deck gives your date a $10 discount off a bar tab at 52 different drinking establishments around NYC. The deck features a variety of bars, including Off The Wagon, The Creek & The Cave, Keg 229, The Stumble Inn and more. It also will give your boo some future date ideas, and saves them some cash to pick up the bill!

4. Hard Cider Making Kit, $40, brooklynbrewshop.com

Let your date make some of the hard stuff with this spiked cider making kit from the Brooklyn Brew Shop. It’s a fun little DIY gift that you and your date can use together for a fun hang session. Plus, you’ll have some alcohol on hand in a few weeks to help you get through the “defining your relationship” stage.

5. A candle reppin’ your favorite hood, $14, Urban Outfitters

You can’t really go wrong giving a candle as a gift. Anyone can use one, and it shows your date that you’re thinking of them without spending too much of your hard-earned cash. Plus, they’ll think of you every time they light it up. These candles from Urban Outfitters feature different NYC neighborhoods, so you can also get a little romantic and choose the ‘hood where you had your first date.

6. New Orleans Iced Kit, $25, Blue Bottle Coffee

Is your new love interest a coffee aficionado? If so, this is the perfect gift for them. Blue Bottle Coffee Co.’s New Orleans Iced Kit gives your date everything they need to make their own batch of the coffee shop’s sweet caffeine fix, including coffee, roasted French chicory and a copy of the iconic recipe. All they need to add is milk, ice and a little sugar (you can take care of that last part!).

If a new love is something you’re thankful for this holiday season, there’s a good chance Turkey Day will mark the first time you meet your beau’s family. To many people, this can be a very nerve-racking time. But don’t worry — we’ve got you covered. Follow these steps and you’ll be the apple of their family’s eye before dessert is even served.

1. Prepare

Alexander Graham Bell said, “Preparation is the key to success.” He was a pretty smart guy, so I say you listen to him and do your homework before you head off to Thanksgiving dinner. Talk to your special someone and find out which family members will be attending Turkey Day. It’s also helpful to know what their family is like – are they political? Religious? Most importantly, make sure you find out if any conversation topics are off-limits. There’s nothing worse than accidentally hitting a sore spot when you should be enjoying your pecan pie.

This is also a good time to talk dress code. Every family celebrates differently, and you don’t want to be under or overdressed. When all else fails, dress conservatively. Nice jeans and a collared shirt for men, and a blouse with trousers work well in most occasions. But remember, nothing too tight (you’ve got to leave room for stuffing, after all).

2. Bring Gifts

Any good guest brings a token of their appreciation to their hosts. You should do the same. Try to pick something that your hosts will like, but don’t break the bank. Gifting something that’s too expensive can make your date’s family feel uncomfortable, or could come across like you’re showing off.

Instead, give a gift that is a reflection of you. If you have a favorite winery, bring a reasonably priced bottle from there. Or perhaps a speciality good from your hometown? If you can’t think of anything else, flowers or a potted plant are always a nice gesture. But whatever you do, don’t get too stressed out about this gift, because it’s the thought that counts.

3. Remember your manners

It may seem obvious, but being well-mannered goes a long way when meeting anyone for the first time – especially the family of the one you love. If you want to make a good impression, doing the little things goes a long way. So make sure you say those “please” and “thank yous,” don’t dig into your sweet potatoes until everyone at the table’s been served, and lend a hand when it’s time to clean up. And whatever you do, don’t whip out your phone at the table. Instead, offer to help clear the table, help with the dishes, or take out the trash. Making yourself useful in little ways will take the stress off your host, and show that you’re not afraid to pitch in.

Oh, and don’t forget to lay off the booze. The holidays are a stressful time, but drowning your fears in seven pumpkin beers probably won’t endear you to your date’s family (except maybe their Drunk Uncle). Plus, you’ll already have a turkey hangover — you don’t need a real one, too.

4. Your presence is not a present – do the work

You want to impress your date’s family, so make sure you’re interested in the conversation at the dinner table, and don’t try to steal the show (no one likes a show off). Before the big day, ask about their family’s interests so you’re prepared to ask questions and add to the conversation That way if you and Aunt Sue are left at the table alone, you have more to talk about than mashed potatoes.

It also doesn’t hurt if you compliment your date to their family. These people are your beau’s biggest fans, so they’d love to hear all the great things about their personality that you fell for. Just keep it G-rated, ifyaknowwhatimean.