This week, I spoke with a couple of people who were mentally flogging themselves because their show results didn’t go well. It just so happens they were showing in classes that were new to them. They had very little opportunity to develop solid skills before the show.

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:

This week, I spoke with a couple of people who were mentally flogging themselves because their show results didn’t go well. It just so happens they were showing in classes that were new to them. They had very little opportunity to develop solid skills before the show.

They would never expect a friend or family member to do well in those same circumstances. Yet, it’s not uncommon for people to blame themselves, even if their expectations are unrealistic. “Ugh! I should have been able to do that!” are the words heard round the world!

The confusion often arises from failing to distinguish between information, education, and genuine skill development.

This week’s video explores the lesser-known fact that we are the primary drivers of our own learning. If we don’t take responsibility for our learning, our road to success may be much longer and filled with multiple curves and downturns. We may end up falsely blaming ourselves, too.

There’s no transcript this week. Enjoy the film!

If you believed you could substantially add new skills to your skill set (while improving the ones you already have) because of what you do on your own, where might you take your riding in the future?

That’s what this video is all about.

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:

I’m super excited to share this video with you today.

About a year and a half ago, I met a woman, Dr. Stephanie Burns, an Adult Learning Expert.

We worked on a fantastic project together, Ageless Grit, and we became great friends through that.

As I got to know Stef more, I realized that as an Adult Learning specialist, she had something very special to share with us riders – and that is how to help us learn how to learn.

In her research and study, when it comes to process of adults learning, there are many fascinating facts (like adults learn more easily than kids) – but one is that teachers have responsibilities in the learning process – and students have their responsibilities – much of the real learning is in our/your hands.

As horse women and men, we get info from the many sources, trainers, books, videos, blogs (like this) – but it often doesn’t take, or our progress is so slow because we rely only on someone or something pouring it into our brain.

In my own experience in learning, as I look back, much of what I learned was taking the info I saw, read, or heard, and following it up with my own effort to learn.

And, I see it in riders all the time—those who go the extra mile advance more accurately and quickly. But, THERE IS a process, and I believe most of us have so much more to learn about learning.

Well, now there is a specific process for learning that most of us have never been taught to understand how much we can do to install new knowledge and skills into our bones, so we can do the thing accurately and without thinking about it.

I asked Stephanie if she would share her learning process wisdom with us in a training program. This is life-changing information.

When she accepted, I was thrilled.

I asked her to introduce you to this student learning process, through a series of 3 short 8-15 minute mini-podcasts, so that she could explain more.

There’s no cost, and there are some excellent tips in them.

The first short podcast will be released this Wednesday.

I don’t think, I know this information can change so much for you, foremost a leap of confidence and a belief in yourself that you can do so much to minimize struggling to learn and take much more control of your own learning process.

You can sign up today to be notified as the podcasts come out. The first is coming out this Wednesday.

That signup link is just below this video.

I know you’ll be enlightened, and I hope you’ll be excited, too, because this is incredible information.

Last week I did a video about no resistance to challenges, and it was really more about the kinds of things that come up as we’re riding, say, bad weather, the ground, judges, someone’s comments – those kinds of things.

It could also be our own inner voice saying detrimental things.

I was thrilled to see the comments and hear from you. I love that and I always know what’s ringing true for you so thank you.

One of the comments asked how does that idea apply to grief? I thought that was a really good question.

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AUDIO TRANSCRIPT:

Hey, it’s Barb.

Last week I did a video about no resistance to challenges, and it was really more about the kinds of things that come up as we’re riding, say, bad weather, the ground, judges, someone’s comments – those kinds of things.

It could also be our own inner voice saying detrimental things.

I was thrilled to see the comments and hear from you. I love that and I always know what’s ringing true for you so thank you.

One of the comments asked how does that idea apply to grief? I thought that was a really good question.

It’s one that’s really close to my heart. How does that no resistance idea apply to grief?

I want to put things in two big buckets.

One is, on your horse at the show at the clinic, at home, or wherever, with friends and things just come up.

Grief is different. It’s a look at the heart of someone’s personal life experience,

By life experience, I’m talking about what we think about when we wake up at night, how we think about our abilities, our belief in ourself, what we love, if we think we’re on the right track.

When someone or an animal passes or we lose something that’s so dear to us, it puts us in a tailspin. It can be unlike any other pain we’ve ever experienced.

I do have a belief in general for my life that goes like this – no matter what the experience is, there’s always a gift in it or gifts in it.

There’s always something good in every experience- more wisdom, more strength, more courage – if we look for it. That’s the key for me for riding over time in the midst of pain – to have that belief and really look for it.

It’s not to deny the pain, or the experience, but it is to walk hand in hand with acknowledging – I am in pain and at some point in time, I’ll understand more or I’ll see something about this experience, how it’s helped me.

In my experience with our son Zane, that belief was a big strength for me.

Now, our family is currently going through grieving a loss of one of our dear, dear family members.

It surprised me again about how hard grief is and how painful it is.

That’s a long answer to the no resistance question and how it applies to grief.

I don’t think grief is the same application or the same kind of life experience as what we talked about last week.

So thank you for the question and thank you for allowing me to express myself on this topic cause it’s one that’s really important to me.

I’d love for you to leave a comment and share your thoughts. Have a great week. Bye-bye.

Today, I want to tell you something that came up this week in our cutting class: I shared a mindset that is one of my favorites because it is so empowering. Inherent within it is a growth and resiliency mindset.

It’s about challenges and about not resisting them but embracing them.

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:

First, we acknowledge them. Then we can ask ourselves, “What do I have control over? What do I not have control over?” The answer to “What I have control of” is always the same – my response to the situation.

Hand in hand with this is the idea that nothing is ever happening TO me; it’s happening FOR me.

I’ll give you some examples.

Okay? Let’s say the weather is funky – cold, hot, rainy, windy – whatever, and you are getting ready to go to a clinic, a horse show, or a trail ride.

You’ll be able to decide on your response. Either you go or not go. And if you go, what you don’t want to do is get in the funk of complaining about it.

It’s just – What’s my job? And what do I have control over? I love that.

Another example that would be similar is the judge.

If you are into horse shows and haven’t agreed with the judge, it’s either don’t show or show, and do your job. Know that you have no control over the judge and are in it to be excellent and gain experience. You’re there for whatever reason, but you have no control over the judge. So that’s another one that you let go of and focus on your job.

The same idea would be with poor ground. You either decide to stay and ride and have a strategy, or you decide you won’t stay. You may or may not get through it with the ‘external success’ you want, but you will have learned.

Examples of that would be in cow classes. You can strategize and learn how to handle the cattle when they’re bad and difficult to navigate. You can think, “This is part of riding a cutting horse and showing. If I can do it now, I can do it anytime. I’m going to give it all I’ve got. I’ll get grounded and focused and see how it turns out. This is an opportunity for me to grow stronger and wiser, knowing that I will always run into these types of situations.”

It’s the same way with late draws or if you’re in a pattern class. It could be that you don’t like the obstacles or think there’s too much stuff in such a small arena – or whatever it is. You use these challenges as opportunities to grow wiser, stronger, more confident, and courageous.

This no-resistance challenge mindset is a massive benefit because in our situations with horses, things that are not ideal always come up.

One fun thing you can remember to do is when something challenging and unexpected comes up, you can say, “I love this!” That’s one of my favorite things to do. First, saying that makes you laugh, takes away the sting of it, and puts you in the mindset of “What do I have control of, what’s my job, and how can I navigate this?”

For example, somebody tells you this huge thunderstorm will move through right about when your class starts, and you think, “No problem! I love this!” Then, figure out how you will help yourself and your horse navigate the storm.

That’s what I wanted to share with you today.

Have a great week, and I’ll talk to you soon. Leave a comment. You know I love that.

Hello, it’s Barb. I want to share something that happened this past week.

Have you had the experience of learning an idea and using it successfully to help you stay focused or get back on the right track, but it just fades away over time? Then, all of a sudden, it pops up again, and you realize how valuable it is.

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AUDIO TRANSCRIPT:

Hello, it’s Barb. I want to share something that happened this past week.

Have you had the experience of learning an idea and using it successfully to help you stay focused or get back on the right track, but it just fades away over time? Then, all of a sudden, it pops up again, and you realize how valuable it is.

That’s because if we don’t use something consistently, we get further away from it, making it less memorable. However, it’s still there somewhere in our minds, and it becomes more prominent every time we review and return to it.

This happened to me this week with Byron Katie’s four questions.

She created four questions that, when taken together, are an excellent tool for letting go of fear or worry.

The questions can be used when you notice you don’t feel great.

You can use them when you’re not feeling comfortable inside, (maybe something just happened), or you saw someone you had a judgment about, or you saw someone you were concerned had a judgment about you, or you think about what your horse may or may not be able to do – those kinds of things.

In many situations, asking yourself these questions gets you centered again.

Their use is connected to the idea that we tell ourselves something about something and become self-aware that the outcome of that thought doesn’t feel good or move us forward.

Here are the four questions:

Number one, “Is it true?

Number two, “Can I absolutely know that it’s true?”

Number three: “How do I react? What happens to me inside when I believe that thought?

Number four: “Who would I be without that thought?

My response to question four is typically, “I feel free,” and that’s a great feeling.

I hope you enjoy trying out the questions. I believe they are incredibly valuable, mainly when you have thoughts and judgments that are uncomfortable or limiting.

I always appreciate you being here. Please leave a comment. Bye bye.

In this video I discuss a friend’s experience of feeling self-conscious and distracted during a private riding lesson with a trainer she admired.

Her feeling is natural due to our innate desire to connect and be approved by others.

I then suggest a simple tool for handling such feelings: asking oneself what one’s job is at that moment. In this case, my friend’s job was to gather information and feedback.

I introduced the concept of “pinging” (recently learned by Dr. Stephanie Burns), which involves directing one’s brain to focus on something specific—in this case, hearing and integrating the trainer’s information into the ride—undistracted.

I emphasized the importance of setting an intention to tune into the experience’s purpose and integrate the feedback received.

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AUDIO TRANSCRIPT:

A friend of mine asked me this question this week.

But before I share my answer, here’s a little background.

She went to one of her favorite trainers to ride with him, and it was a private lesson. She was very excited and greatly admired him for how he teaches and for his kindness, clearness, helpfulness, and support.

But when she was there and riding with him, she felt self-conscious and distracted from being present with her horse and taking in his instruction.

So that’s what we’re doing here – talking about managing self-consciousness in lessons.

We can all relate to what she said because of our innate desire to connect with other people, to care for them, for them to care for us, for them to like us, and for them to approve of us. We’re hardwired for that as humans.

So that’s what I mean when I say it’s natural.

And while it was a great luxury to have his undivided attention, it is almost like he had laser vision! We imagine someone seeing every little flaw and maybe being judgmental.

And, of course, that’s the farthest from the truth.

Great teachers see what’s working, and then they see the next step we can take to help us in our weaker areas.

My friend knew why she was there and knew all that rationally, but she wanted help to sort out her feelings of distraction and self-consciousness.

A straightforward tool that can be very useful is asking ourselves, “What’s my job?”

At that moment, her job was gathering information to get feedback on what she was doing well and what she could do to keep improving.

I will tell you about this fun fact I learned from my friend, Dr. Stephanie Burns.

We can program our brains in a fun way; she calls it ‘pinging.’

Pinging is telling our brain to pay attention to something.

We can say, “Hey, brain, I want you to pay attention and take in the feedback I’m getting without judgment. I just want to hear it and integrate it. So, that’s what I want to pay attention to.”

When other thoughts arise, or someone else distracts me, I want my brain to say, “Thank you, but no thank you.”

In other words, I will program my brain to take in the information I want and leave the rest.

I’ll relax and take a breath. I’ll keep breathing; I’ll listen and feel my horse, and I’m going to play with the ideas. When appropriate, I’ll get clarification if I don’t understand something.

But my only job is to tune into the purpose of why I’m there.

In this case, the purpose was information and feedback – not to be my close circle of support.

That’s the job of a spouse or a good friend.

She could tell herself, “I’m not there for their approval. I’m there for the information. Before and as I ride, I will set an intention to ping or tune into the information I desire to learn, letting it come into my mind and body and integrate it. To the best of my ability, I will allow that ongoing information to soak in, incorporate feedback and understanding, relax into that cycle, and take in what this experience and mentor offer me.”

So there you go. It’s about directing your brain to be clear about an activity’s purpose, get grounded, and set an intention about where you will focus your attention.

When something distracts you, say to yourself, “Thank you, but no, thank you. I’m here to take in information, relax, hear, see, respond as best I can, and learn.”

Okay, enjoy. I hope that’s helpful.

I hope you have a great week. Please leave me a comment and let me know what you think.

It’s Barb, and I’m here with my favorite boy, Nic.

I want to tell you about some things that happened this past week.

First, my husband and I called a good friend because we knew his shoulder was sore. It turned out that he had a shoulder infection and was in the hospital. His shoulder replacement had become infected, which was quite serious, so he was in the hospital.

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:

It’s Barb, and I’m here with my favorite boy, Nic.

I want to tell you about some things that happened this past week.

First, my husband and I called a good friend because we knew his shoulder was sore. It turned out that he had a shoulder infection and was in the hospital. His shoulder replacement had become infected, which was quite serious, so he was in the hospital.

And then I called my sister because I wanted to check on her. She lives down the road. She answered the phone in this horrible voice, so I took her to the doctor.

And then I called a close friend of mine.

She was on her way to take her husband to the emergency room because he had fallen backward.

Several friends and family members, including those experiencing the flu and COVID-19, have not felt well this week.

My brother-in-law had to go to the hospital this morning for pain in his leg.

And then there are about three or four people I know that passed away.

It was a week full of sad news—illnesses, accidents, or passings.

Amid all the sad news, in my quiet time this morning, I was overcome with gratitude for the good things in my life. I often hear about the value of gratitude in our lives. It is a great practice that can bring us back to a good place. That’s all true.

But this morning, I was moved by my gratitude. I experienced its fullness. I was grateful for the things I have, the people I love, and whatever else I appreciate that brings me back to the moment and lets me see the abundance in my life.

I know this has been said a million times, a million ways, but each day is such a gift. Living in that awareness is the perfect mix of gratitude, awareness of blessings, beauty, and good in people.

At the same time, I’m excited to do my work about reaching our potential.

It’s a dynamic duo to live in gratitude at the moment and be excited about the future simultaneously.

So that’s it.

I hope you have a great week. We’ll see you later. Nick says bye, too.

Leave a comment for me. Bye-bye.

For several weeks, I’ve hosted a Webinar Series with Dr. Stephanie Burns, a specialist in adult learning and the human brain and body.

The series focuses on transforming our thoughts about what’s possible as we age, our perception of time, and strategies for experiencing an enriched life regardless of age.

After each webinar, I’ve enjoyed offering some “Cowgirl Perspectives” on how the ideas of that week’s webinar can be incorporated into “horse life.”

Last week, we briefly explored the topic of fear, primarily as it relates to returning to riding after an accident.

This week’s video is a clip from one of my “Cowgirl Perspectives.”

If you haven’t joined us already, there’s still time. This work is truly life-changing.

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:

We had a heartfelt discussion about fear, a journey we all embark on when facing something that triggers our deepest anxieties.

I will share two different ways I’ve navigated fear, especially when it comes to riding.

For example, if you’ve had an accident with a horse, just walking into your boot room and thinking about putting your boots on could be uncomfortable.

One strategy is to walk toward the boot room. When discomfort sets in, take a breath and give yourself permission to stop.

The next day, take another step and find where the uneasiness begins. Pause again and perhaps retreat. This gradual approach builds self-awareness and respect for your own comfort zone.

The comfort-discomfort-pause threshold is personal.

If you feel you should be able to put on your boots without fear but can’t, that’s okay. This journey of small steps and self-awareness is unique to each individual.

Honoring your feelings with honesty and integrity can be freeing and confidence-building.

Also, you don’t have to share your approach with anyone other than someone you feel safe with.

The second strategy is to relax and think about the small steps you will take when you go to the barn, but you do this away from the barn.

Get very relaxed. Then, when you’re ready, go through those small steps in the same way you would do it in physical reality. When you get to that place where it’s uncomfortable, that is your spot to pause. Don’t resist it. Breathe and be with it until it melts away.

When you reach that place, you can step back to a safer place in your mind if you like. It’s your choice.

Understanding that our bodies, minds, and hearts don’t know the difference between something vividly imagined and the real thing is crucial. Therefore, doing those exercises develops self-awareness, the ability to be kind to yourself, and the ability to feel fear and know you’re safe.

When we experience unpleasant emotions, our physiology changes. Our heart rate increases, our muscles tighten, our vision narrows, our brain waves speed up, and sometimes, we experience sweaty hands. This is typical of the sympathetic (fight or flight) nervous system state.

The ability to practice the empowering skill of returning to a parasympathetic nervous system state from the sympathetic nervous system at will allows you to access a more relaxed and open perspective – and – be at your personal best in any situation.

Let’s say you were walking to the barn and felt your heart rate go up. You can back off, take a big breath, and practice feeling your body and breathing into your abdominal area.

By practicing self-regulation in either of these two ways, you can learn to manage your fear and anxiety, which will serve you well in all aspects of your life.

Leave a comment for me below, please!

This video is one more in my “finding your seat” series of video for working a cow. I talk about why it is so important for you to be grounded in your center of balance as you put your hand down after making the cut and before working a cow.

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:

This video is one more in my “finding your seat” series of video for working a cow. I talk about why it is so important for you to be grounded in your center of balance as you put your hand down after making the cut and before working a cow.

So here is our goal … to be grounded in your core before you begin working a cow.

This is one of those areas that can be overlooked by coaches because there’s a lot going on in those final moments between making the final moves on the cut and transitioning to putting your hand down and working the cow.

But being down in the saddle as you put your hand down is a must, and here’s why.

During the cut, if you begin working a cow with your center of balance up, as well as your energy extended forward (from the excitement of making the cut), you may have a difficult time getting yourself and your horse back in your core … and grounded again in your center of balance.

On the flip side, if you are in your core as you put your hand down and begin working a cow, both you and your horse will be anchored from the beginning in your center of balance.

Depending on what the cow does, your horse will begin to pivot to turn or move forward on the line from his hindquarters. You too will be balanced.

And because our abdomen is also the physical seat of our emotions, you will feel calm, centered and in the moment to begin working a cow. You won’t be overly excited.

Here are the steps:

1. As you drive your cow forward on the cut, remind yourself to stay in your core.

2. As you put your hand down, drop dramatically down in your saddle. 

3. Breathe.

4. Tell yourself to stay still and deep as you wait for the cow to make its next move.

This is truly a simple routine. But don’t let the simplicity of it fool you. If you are not down and anchored as you begin working a cow, both you and your horse will be out of kilter until you can get down as you work the cow. That is a big challenge on a fast cow. It is much easier to begin working a cow from that secure, deep position in the saddle.

Previously I did Part 1 about developing a deeper seat as you work a cow.

This is Video 2 in that series. While it’s for all who work cattle (cutting, reined cow horse, and ranch cutting riders, etc,) there’s a message here for riders in all discipline.

I also focus on the role of using the horn in cultivating a deep seat.

This is the second video in a series for developing a deeper seat.

This video is for cutters and for people who work cattle. However, there is a message that I’ll share at the end of the video for everyone who rides.

The first thing I want to talk about is to define a deep seat and what that really means.

Our core center balance for us is right here in the abdominal area. When you experience a deep seat, there is a feeling of heaviness and a feeling of being grounded in the abdomen.

When that happens, we get connected to the center of balance of a horse which exists right behind the withers (and it moves around a little depending upon where the front end is, or the rear end is of the horse).

We want to feel a very grounded connection. It feels like our shoulders are soft. Again, our core will ideally have a sense of weightiness to it.

When we get ready to stop on a cow we drop our hips and our core down even more into the seat. That’s where we talked about developing in deep seat.

Now, I want to talk about the function of the horn because the horn has so much to do with what happens with your seat as you’re working a cow.

Now, there’s a lot of talk and a lot of instruction about pushing on the horn.

That’s because when you’re first starting to cut you sometimes feel like you’re being thrown around … you just can’t get grounded in the saddle. In that particular situation, it’s a good idea to push on the horn.

Here’s another scenario when it’s a good idea to push on the horn … if you tend to grip the horn and pull on it. In this case, you pull yourself up and you actually come out of your center of balance. This would be a good time to push on the horn to get back down.

However, you don’t want to push on the horn forever once you find your seat. Instead, you want to use the horn more of like a lever, shall we say. Use it to experience a light steadiness. Press the horn and bring your attention back to your core.

So, when you hear the instruction, “Push on the horn,” I have an idea for you.

Check in with your hand. Make sure you’re not pulling with your fingers. Do whatever you need to do to feel steady (press on the horn) and then bring your attention to your core and tell yourself to push down on your core. Push your belly button back to your spine and get down. Push down in the saddle. Translate those words, “Push on the horn,” to “Push on your core”.

That’s it for this video … except here’s my message for everyone who rides.

Much of the time when we’re learning, and we’re doing kind of funky things with our hands or our feet … we’re coached to do something in the extreme (to bring us back to a better maneuver). It’s like a rubber band. You come back to the middle. That’s good.

Overexaggerated instructions are good, except in the long run.

You always want to be very clear about what you ideally want to do, instead of doing things that are stop gap measures indefinitely. Use the temporary actions to help you, just not forever. In this example of pushing on the horn, you don’t want to have that extra tension in your arm and shoulders in the long run. You want to be soft in your upper body with light pressure on the horn. Your real center of balance is in your core. Be sure to focus your attention there.

Thank you! Enjoy your horse, and I’ll see you in the next video.

One of the biggest challenges of cutting and cow horse riders is to find and maintain a “deep” seat.

If you’re like many riders, try as you may, you just can’t seem to master a consistent and deep connection to your horse through your seat.

Perhaps, you don’t feel stable in the saddle when you work a cow.

Then there’s one more scenario. You do feel connected to your horse, but when you work a cow, you still hear, “Sit; Sit; SIT!!!” commands from your trainer or sideline friends. Have you ever thought, “I AM sitting! What else am I supposed to do?”

I made a video for you to explain a simple exercise sequence to develop a deeper seat, and to develop your horse’s awareness of your seat … all at the same time.

Enjoy!
Barb