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As a child of the ’90s, my Friday nights of preadolescence were filled with innumerable trips to Blockbuster. It was always a treat to roam up and down the aisles until I found just the right movie or movies—depending on if there was a sale—to take home and enjoy throughout the weekend. Older millennials and Gen Xers remember the supreme annoyance of their freshly popped corn ready to be devoured while warm, only to be disappointed by a VHS that is at the end of the movie! Now, your microwaved treat becomes cold while you wait several minutes for the video to be rewound so that your viewing pleasure can begin. In order to discourage this common infraction, Blockbuster popularized a phrase in order to motivate customers to properly return their VHS tape rentals: “Be Kind. Rewind.”

While inanimate objects carry a certain level of importance, the most valued in all of God’s creation is people—and how we treat one another matters greatly to God. As Christ followers, we are charged to “speak evil of no one, avoid quarreling, be gentle, and show PERFECT COURTESY toward all people” (Titus 3:2 ESV- emphasis added). We are called to demonstrate an unparalleled quality of hospitality & courtesy to others. Paul admonishes Titus to model and motivate others to show perfect courtesy to everyone. The Greek word translated as “courtesy” is prautes. The word carries the idea of not being overly impressed by one’s self-importance. In other words, we make others the big deal.

At my home church, the single most obvious core value shared by the staff and leaders is this, “people matter.” It is in light of this reality that we facilitate various ministries to reinforce this standard. From feeding those who are hungry on a weekly basis to grand service projects impacting families and schools on a monthly and annual basis. This idea bleeds into our home, family, and relationships. For the Cormiers, taking care of people has become second nature to us.

I think that as leaders, we should focus more intentionally on this area if we are to impact our world. A few simple gestures of “perfect” courtesy are as follows: 1) showing conversational interest in others, 2) inconveniencing yourself in order to meet the needs around you, 3) never justifying rude or demeaning behavior towards those around you, and 4) even when you don’t feel the need to be kind, demonstrating kindness to all—no matter their perceived status (or lack thereof).

In September, Octavia and I received word that some dear friends from our previous church back in Colorado were going to be here in Tucson due to a family crisis involving their daughter. It was a medical emergency which warranted this couple flying into our city. At the time of the call, we were headed to Phoenix in preparation for a ministry trip. After speaking with the couple, we knew it would be a blessing to them to lodge in our home. We turned our vehicle around and quickly rushed home to take out needed supplies, facilitate a quick cleaning, provide some snacks, and prepare a room for them. Once we returned from that ministry trip, this couple remained in our home for several more days while ministering to their adult daughter. Then, in the face of our faith-filled prayers, their daughter went to be with the Lord. A few of our evenings and mornings were spent praying together and listening to stories of their daughter. Mutual encouragement was shared between us (millennial, African-American couple) and them (baby-boomer, caucasian couple). At the end of our time together, we thanked God for the rich time we were able to share in arguably the darkest moment of their lives. It bonded us. It was our privilege that week to strive our very best to show “perfect” courtesy, because, well…people matter.

I implore you to seek for ways to show “perfect” courtesy to those around you. The Spirit of God that lives on the inside of you is readily available to empower you to conquer the giant of self-absorbed living that is so prevalent in our culture. We are kingdom citizens. The way of Jesus is greatly demonstrated by the perfected level of courtesy we show everyone—especially those who are “of the household of faith” (Gal 6:10).

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Other than the temptation to residually engage in secret sin, I find insecurity to be the enemy’s weapon of choice to sabotage Christian leaders. Insecurity is the quiet voice whispering into our hearts. “You’ll never add up. You’ll never be good enough. What you have is not needed. What they have is better.” Those whispers eventually impact how we see others by growing into shouts of, “They are against you! They must be controlled! They think they are better than you!” Once this occurs, it is difficult to identify and admit our insecurity, because the friend who gleefully gallivants around with insecurity is pride. And as Solomon has forewarned us, the road sign of pride is typically the last warning before crashing into the ditch of destruction (Prov 16:18).

So, here is my attempt at encouraging leaders (young and old alike—unfortunately, we do not simply “age” out of this battle) to fight insecurity with everything you have. For I have seen insecurity grow in the hearts and lives of seemingly “mature” and “seasoned” Christian leaders—and it’s not pretty. Unchecked insecurity is sure to afflict unnecessary pain in the lives of those we love. It will leave carnage all around us while we unknowingly wonder why relational rifts and wounded people in our sphere of influence have become the norm.

1. Fight for a culture of honor. I often say, “In a culture of honor, everyone wins!” I believe that with all of my heart. Honor has a way of dismantling insecurity. Honor declares, “I need what is in/on your life!” while simultaneously communicating with great humility, “You need what is in/on my life.” It’s often said that culture trumps vision any day of the week. I wholeheartedly concur! To create a culture of honor requires a “fight” because we live in arguably the most dishonorable culture on the planet today! We are exposed to dishonor on a daily basis via social media and even in some of our face to face interactions. This desensitizes us and results in a counterfeit version of Christianity where both young and old alike are plagued with insecurity—never really harnessing the full gifts and callings of God on our lives! A careful study of Jesus’ interactions with people will give us vision to cultivate homes, teams, and ministries that champion a culture of honor.
2. Assess your gifts & understand your anointing. You are gifted and anointed. You have been brought into the earth for such a time as this. Neither of these realities can be overstated. It is your God-given responsibility to identify your gifts and talents which will then lead to a journey of understanding the anointing God has placed on your life. Gifts are signposts leading you to your purpose. The anointing is the supernatural power of God that rests on you to serve others and advance God’s kingdom. Whatever your gifting, there is an anointing reserved with your name on it! So you do not have to vie and compete for the gift in someone else or the anointing on someone else! Take the time to complete gifting & personality tests, and even more importantly invest in the development of your gifts. Nothing keeps insecurity at bay like humbly acknowledging that every gift you possess has come from the “father of lights” above.
3. Prioritize and value the “garden” (thanks for the metaphor, Pastor Dino Rizzo). I know, this seems so elementary, but you would be amazed at the number of leaders who allow the tyranny of the urgent to rob them of personal time with God. One verse that became a PILLAR of truth for me in one of the most insecure seasons of my life is Colossians 2:10a, “In Christ, you have been made complete.” I cannot tell you how many times I have spoken (and continue to speak) this over my own life while preaching this to thousands of teenagers through the years: “In Christ, I am complete…full…lacking NOTHING!” This verse coupled with another scripture I first heard in an old Israel Houghton worship song that says, “He [God] rejoices over you with singing and dancing” have become the chief antidote for insecurity in my life. See Zephaniah 3 for the full passage; it will deposit the delight of God in you.

Insecurity is sent from the enemy to assassinate every gifting God has deposited in your life. I believe that the more time you spend with Jesus, the more he affirms his plans and calling on your life. One of my favorite lyrics that so deeply moves my heart right now is sung by my good friend, Cory Asbury. Though “Reckless Love” is making its way around the world and sure to be a staple worship anthem for decades to come, there is a more obscure song on that same album entitled, “Your Love is Strong.” It boldly declares, “I have come to know a love who’s power has overcome every insecurity. Heaven moves and demons flee as I lift my voice to sing, ‘Oh Your love is strong.’” Exploring, studying, and receiving the strong love of God is the key to annihilating the assassin of insecurity in our lives.

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The most profound definition of love was introduced to me 12 years ago while being discipled at Youth With A Mission in Tyler, TX. Love is intentionally choosing someone’s highest good. I believe that this is the least costly expectation of which a leader can assume from their team.

1. Are you leading in a such a way that your team feels that you are genuinely concerned about and committed to their highest good?
2. Have you gone out of your way to know their love language and details about their lives?

Trust & Respect

To be trusted and respected by your team comes at a slightly higher price than love. While I realize these are two different traits, I think they are so tightly tethered that they can be dealt with as one for the purposes of this blog. Here are three actions to create and grow trust & respect amongst your team:

1. Be Consistent. A former youth leader of mine shared this statement after a powerful night of youth ministry: “Consistency breeds credibility” (thanks Tyler Hill). No one respects or lends trusts to a leader who appears unstable and inconsistent. Consistency is not sexy in our culture—especially amongst millennials, but it is a timeless trait that is paramount within the kingdom of God. Coupled with dependable actions is a whispering voice conveying this truth, “You can really trust me.”
   • Do you bail at the last minute on the regular basis?
   • Are you constantly canceling meetings or appointments?
   • Would you be described as “consistently inconsistent?”
2. Pay the Price. Few young leaders realize that there is a price to be paid in order to secure these quintessential qualities in the hearts of their team members. Nine years ago, I sat in the living room of the incomparable Jeanne Mayo (i.e. “America’s Youth Pastor”) where she, by way of illustration and unrivaled passion, imparted to a small group of youth pastors the idea that we must earn the right to lead and influence others. Nothing dismantles the spirit of entitlement like a realization that your team does not owe you trust and respect…until they are earned!
   • What area do you need to pay a higher price to earn trust & respect among your team?
   • Have you given sacrificially of your time and energy to anyone for an extended period?
   • Can anyone personally attest to you going “above and beyond” when it comes to shepherding & pouring into your people?
3. Work Hard. If there is anything that robs a young leader of respect & trust, it is behavior that demonstrates laziness and apathy. For several summers after my senior year of high school, I had the honor of serving as a counselor at the esteemed Louisiana Boy’s State Program. Amongst other tasks, it was my responsibility to oversee my floor within the dorms which meant I literally had to be the last one to bed (typically 2:00am) and the first one up (5:30am). Amongst the myriad of leadership principles I gained each summer that has never eluded me, there is one that towers above them all: NEVER ask those whom you are leading to work harder than you!
   • Is it overwhelmingly obvious to your team that you are working harder than them?
   • Would your team be able to use your work ethic as a guide?
   • Can you ask and receive honest feedback by posing the question, “Do I appear lazy?” to your team?

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