When trauma occurs in our lives, it cracks us open and makes vulnerable. This level of vulnerability can be incredibly painful and uncomfortable… and in this moment, that’s exactly how I feel.

Pain. Discomfort. Anger. Frustration. Anxiety.

I can feel this way while also holding onto the belief that there’s strength in vulnerability. If I’m going to write about mental health and refer to myself as a mental health advocate, then I damn well better practice what I preach. Throughout my life, writing has served as a helpful tool in dealing with pain and trauma, which is why I tend to journal and blog more frequently during dark days. There’s a purging, of sorts, that comes with moving thoughts onto the page.

I won’t go into detail about what happened, but I will say that I recently lost someone who I loved, and it happened in an incredibly tragic and trauma-inducing way. The important thing now is to focus on my mental health, healing, and overall well-being. And if my writing can help someone else in the process, then that’s my motivation for sharing.

In every moment of our lives, we have choices… and during grief, easy choices – the ones we make without conscious thought – can become difficult. Like getting out of bed in the morning. Going to work. Grocery shopping. Interacting with people. Exercising. In this ultra raw and vulnerable state, everything is harder. It’s possible to burst into tears at any moment. Or experience bouts of anger (I literally had to put myself in check the other day, after snapping at a nice, elderly yoga teacher, whom I still owe an apology).

With that said, we can also make the choice to give ourselves grace. The outside world doesn’t know what’s happening in our minds and hearts, and it’s ok to not be ok sometimes. It’s also ok to sit in the sadness for a little while. But please don’t sit in it alone. Or for too long. I’ve made that mistake before, and it led me to a clinical depression diagnosis years ago. I was much younger then, and I didn’t have the tools, the inner strength, or the self awareness that I have today.

These are some choices that I’m personally making right now:

Exercise. A lot. Even if I cry during my workouts.
Therapy. Even if talking about what happened hurts.
Clean Eating. Even if I don’t want to food shop or cook. Or when pizza sounds better.
Write. Even if my thoughts feel disorganized and the writing is bad.
Ask for Support. Even when I feel like I’m making my family and friends uncomfortable.
Practice Self Awareness. Even when I’m having panic attacks and feel out of control.
Limit Alcohol Intake. 2 drink max/ no liquor, and no more than two days a week. Even when I’m deep in conversation and another drink sounds like a good idea.
Make Art. Even when “I don’t have time.”
Meditate. Even when it feels annoying and hard.
Give Myself Grace. Even when I’m mean to nice old yoga ladies.

Going through grief and trauma SUCKS. No one wants to experience or deal with these feelings and emotions… which is probably why so many people say “therapy isn’t for me.” I get it. I left my counseling session the other day feeling frustrated because it’s not a quick fix. I’ll be back again on Friday, though, because I know I’ll be stronger when I come out on the other side of this.

Pain doesn’t go away because we hide it, and unhealthy vices like alcohol and drugs only make things worse. Which isn’t to say that temporary, doctor-prescribed medication to assist with trauma is a bad thing. It’s not. There’s just a massive distinction between that and self medicating to mask pain.

I don’t have all the answers. But I’m doing the best I can, and I’ll keep writing about it.

The post The Choices We Make After Experiencing Trauma appeared first on Abby Albaum.

“The Tortoise and the Hare” is a favorite childhood book of mine. If you’re unfamiliar, it’s one of Aesop’s Fables – a story about a race between a turtle (the tortoise) and a rabbit (the hare). As the story goes, after being ridiculed by the hare, the tortoise challenges the hare to a race of unequal proportions. The hare, naturally the faster animal, leaves the tortoise in its dust. So sure of his impending win, the hare then arrogantly decides to take a nap near the finish line, which ultimately results in the tortoise winning.

In this moment, I feel like the tortoise. I’ve finished my manuscript, and it’s taken me forever. As for the hare, that would be the publishing industry – beating me down and putting up roadblocks as I go. I’m only half joking, because I’ve quickly realized that making it as a traditionally published author is no easy feat.

There’ve been many challenges along the way, and I’ve quite literally been working on this thing for more than half of my life. Not because the writing part was so difficult. Because I needed to live more life and continue healing, evolving and growing as a human in order to create the kind of book that I’ve always known I was capable of.

Diving into past trauma hurt freaking bad, but it was also an opportunity for me to turn pain into purpose. And let me tell you… holding this beast-of-a-document in my hands feels amazing:

Last summer, I crunched to meet the open submission deadline for a New York based publishing house. Having the chance to submit was a miracle alone, as most NY publishers won’t give you a shot without an agent.

Since that time, I’ve received a couple updates that my manuscript is still in review, and I should have an answer by August 2022. Here’s what I know for sure:

• My manuscript is too long (I have to cut pages, or “kill my darlings” as they say in the literary world).
• It’s not perfect (I need a professional editor).
• I made the deadline anyway (Because trying is better than not).
• And it’s still in review (It wasn’t an automatic rejection, which is a win in and of itself).

Summer is my slow season, and it’s the time of year when I can focus more on my writing. So, while I patiently wait on an answer from the publishing house, I’m making moves. I’ve printed out my manuscript, and within the next couple of weeks, I should have pages cut and edits made. I’ve hired an editor/ fellow aspiring author who I met at a writing conference to professionally edit my book.

(Side note and shout out to Tara Winfield: Remember her name, and follow her blog because this rock star writer is going places. I watched agents battle it out at the writing conference over who’d represent her. Yet she’s somehow still not agented. I wasn’t kidding about this industry being cut-throat).

When my manuscript edits are complete, I imagine I will have heard back from the publishing house. If it’s a ‘go,’ then that would be absolutely incredible. If it’s a ‘no,’ then I’m ready to start pitching agents and indie presses again while I simultaneously work on my next book. I expect the next one to be a million times easier to write than the first. I’ve written about the heavy stuff, and soon, I’ll be able to use my creativity to invent characters and story lines that are light and fun. Yes, I most definitely see fiction in my future, and I’ve already got some ideas brewing.

So, while becoming a published author has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember, it certainly hasn’t been an easy journey. But I’m a tortoise, baby. Slow and steady wins the race.

Before I go, I’ll leave you with some wise words from Duke basketball coach Kara Lawson:

The post The Tortoise, the Hare… and a Finished Manuscript appeared first on Abby Albaum.

Today’s piece of writing has been housed in a file on my computer for more than a month now, and it might have stayed there inevitably if it wasn’t for my friend Michelle Beebs.

She inspired me without knowing it, after posting a vulnerable message on Facebook about how she manages her dark days. I figure, if she’s brave enough to share her truth, then I will be too. After all, I’ve written an entire book on the subject that I’m currently working to get published. So there’s no better time than the present to start getting real about my mental health.

Meanwhile, I’m grateful for friends like Michelle who speak openly about the hard stuff and about self-care. I have a tendency to show the world my sparkly, shiny, happy self. Sharing my deeper, darker, emotional self is much more challenging.

I mean, really: do we look like two gals who struggle with mental health issues?

That’s the thing, though. Depression doesn’t have a ‘look.’ Anxiety has no face. And bi-polar disorder hides among smiles.

Before reading what’s to come, I need you to know that I’m not in this headspace anymore. Writing, among other healing practices like exercising, meditating and clean eating, helped me move through the depressive episode.

I’m feeling good again, but I’ve chosen to share this blog to help people understand what depression feels like, when someone is in the throws of it…

It’s Day 3. Three Days In The Dark.

I’ve said, time and time again, that healing isn’t linear. In the same breath, I’ve prided myself on “having my depression under control.” On the fact that, “I haven’t had a depressive episode in years.” The latter is no longer true.

I knew that the black hole could resurface. I knew that it was possible I’d come back to this place, but perhaps I was in denial about it – thinking I’d given depression a beat down, and I’d won the battle. But I now know that depression can always brush itself off and come back for another round.

Depression is a disease that can’t be seen. And even though I’ve been open about my diagnosis for many years now, it can still catch me by surprise, and it’s still something that even those closest to me don’t understand. The healthy mind says, “there’s much to be happy about, and life is too short to wallow in your sadness.” The depressed mind says, “I don’t give a fuck about your reasoning.” 

Depression is just as much physical for me as it is mental. It’s heavy. It makes my face break out. Tears come fast and furious – but only when I’m alone because I learned years ago not to break down in front of people. Sometimes, I don’t even know what my triggers are. “Snapping out of it” isn’t an option. Ultimately, it feels like a virus that has to run its course. 

When I feel this way, I want to shut off from the world. I want to hide – even from my best friends, husband and family. I don’t want to work, exercise, eat, clean or be productive. In this head space, I’m more sensitive to things like loud noises, violence on TV, and interruptions from my day that creep up without warning (a knock on the door by someone delivering a package, for example).

And it’s a struggle because then I become angry about not being able to control it. I’ve been crying on and off for three days straight, and intellectually, I know there’s no real reason why. It’s the chemical imbalance in my brain, and it doesn’t reason.

It’s not just negative thinking, either. It’s a feeling that takes over my entire body. I try to write it out of me. It’s something that I’ve been doing since I was a kid, and it does help.

It’s easy to show the versions of ourselves that we want the world to see – the pretty pictures, the big smiles, the happy lives…. Social media in and of itself is a giant filter. It’s a misrepresentation of reality and we all play the game.

I can distract myself though, and I have tools to manage my depression. Focusing on a creative task – like making jewelry – that helps. I also know I need Vitamin D when I feel this way. So I’ll force myself to get out in the sun, go to the beach, or for a walk. Because even if I don’t want to do these things, I know I’ll feel better afterwards. Healthy foods help too.

It will pass, and I’m not experiencing feelings of self-harm. If that ever happens again, I have a trusted doctor and I know what to do. I’m not on medication and I haven’t been for years – but I’m also not opposed to taking medicine again if my depression becomes too much.

It’s not my intention to scare anyone with this post or to seek sympathy. It is my intention to create space for understanding, awareness and compassion. Someone you love might be suffering in a way that can’t been seen, in a way that maybe you can’t relate to. Just know that the smallest acts of kindness can make a world of difference.

In closing, I’ll leave you with Michelle’s words – which inspired me to muster up the courage to share my own today…

By Michelle Beebs:

If anyone is having a rough day mentally, just know you’re never alone. We’ve all been through a lot in our own lives on top of what we’ve been living through collectively for 2 years. As I was reminded through a friends post today…. Rest is not a reward for work. It is neccesary- especially now. Never feel guilty for taking time to yourself. I often times have anxiety about not getting back to people right away or answering an email within an hour but thats just a feeling and pressure I’m creating. Theres no law that says you HAVE to communicate with everyone demanding your attention. These days I find more solitude in my alone time and create more space for it because I need me and at the end of the day I’m all I’ve got. If you can’t create peace inside your own mind, it becomes harder to deal with anything coming your way “good” or “bad”. How do you create peace inside? I don’t have all of the answers but I can share some things that really help me to reach that space.

in a place thats sunny

• laying outside while taking slow and steady deep breathes- 5 count in- 5 count hold- 5 count breath release. Try this for 5 min and work your way up to 15 min or more each time you try this technique.

no
-lay on the floor in the most silent place you can access. Do the same breathing technique. A dark quiet room is one of my favorite spaces as it reminds me of a float tank and helps me tap into that silent space.

FLOAT TANK (sensory deprivation)
Try a float tank! This helped me tremendously in finding where the silence in my brain could exist. Its almost like a cheat code to mediation. The science is to deprivate all of your senses- forcing your brain into a natural meditative state. You will still need to practice you breathing while inside. Especially your first time as this is a new experience for your whole being. (Note: I’m claustrophobic but I do not get that feeling inside of the tank- which is pretty cool!)

SLEEP
Getting proper rest so you can hit deep R.E.M sleep is crucial to your mental health. I try to remind myself- if I’m feeling depressed that means I need Deep Rest.

FOOD/JUICING

Eating clean food ( avoid processed sugar or mass amounts of preservatives and other things you can’t pronounce).
The easier you make it for your body to digest the more energy your body has for other functions. I also try to juice as much as possible and if thats something you’re into trying, this is my favorite recipe:

4 green apples
3 beets
1 bunch celery
1 lemon
Ginger

CREATE BOUNDRIES

This is something that took me a long time to be ok with and is a constant work in progress as I never want to dissapoint anyone- to the point where I would over commit- only to my own detriment. IT’S OK TO SAY NO and possible without having guilt. Only YOU are IN CONTROL of your micro verse and the better you get at stating boundaries, the more energy you have for all of the things you enjoy. Stay true to who you are and never feel like you HAVE to do something you don’t want to do even if that means politely backing out of commitments for your own wellness.

CREATE NEW NEURAL PATHWAYS
“how the f*ck do you do that?!” You may be asking yourself right about now. The simplest way I’ve found is to stay committed to changing my perspective. Instead of saying “I HAVE TO GO DO….” Say “I GET TO DO…..”.
When past traumas come in a situation, try to be aware and recognize that it may be more that the current situation thats triggering you. Becoming aware in the moment or even afterwards also helps set your boundries moving forward.

REMEMBER
We are perfect in our imperfections- thats what being human is all about. Learning, relating, applying, adapting. You can only experience the moment you are RIGHT NOW. Everything is temporary including our experience as a human being. Whatever moment you are in right now is a gift – celebrate it.

P.S – life gets rough- make sure the friends you have right now would also be there on off day. Don’t be afraid to reach out when you’re feeing shitty. Your burdens are yours and won’t instantly transfer to someone else just because share your thoughts with them. It can be uncomfortable being vulnerable but it always feels better to not hold it all in. No point in having friends around if they can’t relate and embrace our humanity.

The post Three Days in the Dark appeared first on Abby Albaum.

I’m so excited to share my Best of ETSY & Small Business 2020 Handmade Holiday Gift Guide with you!

As a handmade ETSY seller, local vendor and small business shopper of 13 years, I’ve curated this Top 25 list with love, care and intention. So if you’re big on conscious consumerism, supporting small business, and making a difference in the lives of full-time artists, then you’ve come to the right place, my friend.

Be sure to read through to the end of my handmade holiday gift guide blog for tips on making the most of ETSY this holiday season and scoring one-of-a-kind gifts you won’t find anywhere else.

So, without further ado, here’s my Best of ETSY & Handmade Holiday Gift Guide:

1. Engrave to Remember: Personalized gifts and leather goods. Everything from wallets to journals, makeup bags to travel tags.
2. Bohemian Reves: High quality, plant-based skincare and Boho home decor.
3. Hoola Monsters: Fun, handcrafted hula hoops that are much higher quality and way easier to use than the store bought variety. With one-of-a-kind styles and customizable options, these hoops are great for kids and kids at heart. Just be sure to shop early since wait times for these in-demand hula hoops can be up to 3 weeks during the holiday season.
4. Playa Paper: Custom greeting cards, invitations, boxed note cards, and stationery with free postage included.
5. Meraki Designed: Where function and art merge… Truly some of the most beautiful coffee mugs and ceramics in all of the land.
6. Amelias Wreaths of Joy: Adorable, custom wreaths for holidays and year-round home decorating.
7. Esra Leather: Genuine leather bracelets, bags, and jewelry for men and women alike.
8. Adriana Soto: Mexican folk art jewelry and vintage home decor. This also happens to be one of my favorite ETSY shops of all time!
9. Akua Creative: Everyone loves great apparel with cool designs, and this is your one-stop shop for it. Featuring original artwork inspired by nature, Akua Creative even has an awesome selection of high quality yoga pants (I’m obsessed with mine)!
10. Traveling Soul Studio: Personalized, colorful license plate signs handmade in Maui; they’re adorable!
11. Ellectric Elliegance: Custom, handmade stained glass art, sun catchers, and jewelry.
12. DrapelaWoodworks: Incredibly unique and beautiful wood products made with love. From personalized piggy banks to docking stations, desk organizers and more… a gift from this shop will surely put a smile on your loved one’s face.
13. Mimi Green: Fur babies deserves holiday gifts too! Home of the coolest personalized dog collars around, Mimi Green’s designs are super unique and handcrafted with love in Albuquerque, NM.
14. RindleWaves: This shop turns your favorite songs into sound wave art. How cool is that?!? What’s more… A portion of every purchase is donated to help with autism education and assistance.
15. ETSY Gift Cards: You can’t go wrong with a gift card… especially one that encourages your recipient to shop small and choose their own handmade goodies on ETSY.
16. Solbaby: This one’s for the littles! Super cute children’s clothing for sun-loving kiddos. Solbaby also features a fun section of youth trucker hats and face masks.
17. Sea and Soul Charts: Unique & handmade coordinates signs for home or office.
18. Belles Apothecary 13: Great prices and high quality, handcrafted bath products.
19. Simply Snow Designs: Everyone loves cool, stainless steel tumblers and this shop does not disappoint! From personalized glitter & rhinestones to wood grain & marble designs, there’s something for everyone.
20. Good Vibe Nails: With more and more ladies turning to at-home, DIY manicures during these crazy COVID times, nail strips have become all the rage. These high quality nail polish alternatives are simple to use, non-toxic, and affordable. They also look just as great and can last as long as gel or shellac when you apply them properly.
    
    In fact, I’ve become so obsessed with them that I’ve launched my own line called Good Vibe Nails. Yep: #20 is some shameless self promo Good Vibe Nails also make great stocking stuffers.
21. Seasick Gear: A fun, family-owned business with a great selection of high performance fishing apparel and swag. Gifts for sun-lovers of all ages.
22. Element and Flow: My friend Jenny makes some of the coolest high-quality malas and natural stone jewelry in all of creation. She’s also a giant ray of sunshine, and she puts all the good energy into each and every piece she makes.
23. Be Hippy: A grassroots lifestyle brand with super cool merch that exemplifies a passion for music, the outdoors, traveling, fashion and living life to the fullest! Fun Fact: The company is owned by my long-time festival vendor friends, Leigh and Bart.
24. Stage Coach Treasures: Quirky, unique and custom gifts. From custom vinyl wood frame signs to keychains, mugs and more, you’ll find some great creations made by my friend Talia.
25. Warehouse Candles: Love beer, wine, and high-quality candles? Then this shop’s for you. This awesome company upcycles and cuts beer and wine bottles to create the perfect vessels for their hand-poured soy candles. And they smell oh-so-wonderful. Perfect for any man cave or she shed!

I hope my handmade holiday gift guide helps to jump-start your 2020 gift giving and save you some time!

Seeking out unique, one-of-a-kind gifts requires pre-planning, and I’ll be the first to admit that this isn’t always my strong point. But I’m making a valiant effort to do so, especially as we move into a holiday season like no other.

As ETSY sellers and handmade artists like myself continue to adapt to a new norm of increased online sales in the midst of a pandemic, there’s a bit of a learning curve.

To further explain… I was primarily an in-person market and festival vendor before COVID-19.

Since March of 2020, my online year-over-year sales have increased by approximately 600%. All of my business is now online, and considering everything I sell is custom and handmade to order, there’s going to be a wait time, but this holiday season: I expect for that wait time to increase two-fold.

Most ETSY sellers put tons of love, care and intention into every single item they sell. Totally different than mass produced products found on Amazon or at Walmart, for example.

We also spend lots of time answering inquiries to set our customers up for success by delivering the best quality, most appropriate product for the individual.

So, if you’re planning to use this handmade holiday gift guide to shop on ETSY for presents this year, PLEASE plan ahead and be patient with your sellers. Understand that many sellers like myself experience increased volume during a normal holiday season. And this year is anything but normal.

ETSY reviews are so super important too. They help to maintain the integrity & positive reputations of our shops. So, when you shop with an ETSY seller, be sure to post a review! Finally, if you’d like to check out my shops, you can do so here: Hoola Monsters & Good Vibe Designs.

And if you’ve got a favorite small business or ETSY shop of your own, I’d love for you to share it in the comments below. Let’s help one another shop small and handmade this holiday season.

As always, thanks so much for taking the time to read.

About the Author: Abby Joan Lee is a full-time hula hoop and jewelry artist, fitness instructor, aspiring author, and mental health advocate.

The post Handmade Holiday Gift Guide: The Best of ETSY appeared first on Abby Albaum.

You guys!!! I am SO EXCITED to be featured in the January 2020 issue of First for Women Magazine! It’s one of the top women’s books in the country with a readership of 3 million. You can find it at the checkout counter of most chain grocery stores.

This is the second national story that’s run on me in the past month (if you missed the BuzzFeed feature, you can check it out here). I feel extremely grateful and blessed for both of these opportunities. And even though the magazine article is financially-focused piece, I can’t put a value on doing what I love for a living. I get to inspire others to lead healthier and happier lives through fun fitness and movement meditation. The real gift is witnessing their transformation/ positive change. As for the news media… my professional background is public relations, and I recognize the value of utilizing the news media in positive ways. Feel-good, inspiring stories can make a real difference and open people’s eyes to possibilities they might have previously been unaware of.

Being able to share my story with the masses means that I get to reach more people with my message. In turn, more hoop dancers are created. More people take action for their physical & mental health. More lives are changed for the better. And for that, I’m truly grateful. ????????

The post I’m In This Month’s Issue of First for Women Magazine! appeared first on Abby Albaum.

The post My BuzzFeed Feature Story: Hooping for Depression appeared first on Abby Albaum.

For a long time, I thought I was healed from depression. That I’d overcome it for good and that it would never strike again. I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was in my 20’s, though it had plagued me long before the diagnosis. And seeing as though I’ve been ‘breakdown-free’ and haven’t been on antidepressant medication in more than a decade, I really thought my depression was just a distant memory. I now know that’s not true.

It’s hard for me to admit that I’m not entirely done with it and that depression is something that I might have to deal with for the rest of my life. Depression looms like a thunderhead that can cause torrential downpour at any moment, even when you think you’re standing in the sun.

I know what triggered my most recent bout with it, and I think the ‘knowing’ fueled it. The self deprecating part of me said, “You know better. You shouldn’t have eaten that food, skipped the gym, had that extra drink. You shouldn’t have listened to that song, watched those videos, stayed in your pajamas. You allowed yourself to slip into this place, and it’s your fault.”

So, what is it? For me – it starts off with a feeling of inadequacy. Like I’m not good enough. In my history with depression, there’ve always been triggers. One thing happens, and it leads to a negative emotion. Then, I seek temporary distractions from my thoughts. But they make things worse. Like overeating. Or drinking a whole bottle of wine. Like putting on a song that brings up sad memories. Or watching videos on my phone of Nala – my dog of 14 years – who died in April. I can’t explain why I do these things when I’m already spiraling into the darkness. After all… I know better, right?

Depression isn’t one thing. It’s many. I think it began to rear its ugly head for me over the summer. I traveled a lot, and I ditched my diet. Eating clean isn’t just for my physical health and the desire to look good. It’s wildly important for my mental health, too. When I eat crappy food, it most definitely affects my mood. And everyone knows that alcohol is a depressant. But when you’re on vacation or out with friends “celebrating,” drinking is par for the course. I know it’s not good for my mental health, though. It never has been.

So yea – bad food plus alcohol = trigger. Sprinkle in some self-doubt and a few professional fails, and before you know it, I’m in that dark place again. The place I thought I’d left in my past.

With depression, all the little downward dips start to feel like quicksand…. until I’m sinking. When I feel this way, I don’t want to leave the house. I don’t want to get dressed, wear makeup, or exercise. I don’t even want to answer my phone or return messages from friends.

And in this ultra filtered world of social media perfection, where we have the ability to expertly curate the way we want to be seen, it seems as though there’s no place for depression. So, yea – I’m the bubbly hula hooping rainbow glitter girl. That’s how I want you to see me. I healed myself from depression by doing what I love in life. That’s the message I preach. I’ve left mental illness in the past because I’ve learned how to live in the present moment. Therefore, I can consciously choose sunshine over darkness. That’s what I want you to think.

But the reality is… dark days still come.

There’s one thing that’s always enabled me to feel a little better when depression consumes me. It’s something I’ve done for as long as I can remember. Ironically, it’s the same thing that sometimes triggers my depression and leads me to believe I’m a failure. That thing is writing.

To be clear, I love writing – the act itself. Writing is how I make sense of the world. It’s the challenges that come with pursing my lifelong dream of becoming a published author that trigger me. Like the time I queried an agent who I thought would be the perfect match for me. I received an immediate rejection. It came the morning after I pitched her, while en route to New York City with my sister to celebrate my 40th birthday. It was a form rejection (not specific to my query), and I cried my eyes out when I read it.

I put a lot of pressure on myself, and intellectually, I know that it’s difficult to “make it” as a writer. ‘You’ve got to have thick skin,’ they say. ‘Rejection comes before every writer’s success story,’ I’m told. I’ve spent 15 years writing my book – which I now know doesn’t fall into a marketable genre within the traditional publishing world. The advice I’ve been given is this: Age your story down. Make it fiction. Write for a YA audience. You need a bigger platform.

But I want to be the face of my story. It’s important that I share my truth, the way it happened. Not the way the publishing world wants it to have happened. I become consumed by these thoughts, and I feel stuck.

I cried myself to sleep two nights ago, and I didn’t change out of my pajamas until 4 pm. Then I put on my workout clothes, and I dragged myself to the gym. And guess what? It made me feel a little better. It also gave me the energy to cook a healthy meal, which helped to elevate my mood a bit more. Then, I sat down to write this blog. And here I am… doing the thing that I have such a love/ hate relationship with at times. But I also know it’s part of my inherent nature, and even though the business of being a writer is hard, I have to stick with it.

So I guess my purpose for sharing this is simply to say… things aren’t always as they seem. Mental illness isn’t linear. It’s also nothing to be ashamed of. Over the years, I’ve learned what helps me when I start to spiral. Sure, I might dip down for a moment before I’m ready to rise up. But I will always rise up. And if I don’t – if I ever dip too low – I know to ask for help. Today is a new day, and yesterday’s depression has no place here. Today, I’m starting to feel like myself again.

I also want to share some tips for self-care. These are the things that help me when I’m in the throws of a depressive episode:

10 Tips for Managing Depression:

• Get some fresh air and sunshine. I know that going outside may sound like the last thing you want to do, but try to muster up the energy to take a walk, spend time in the garden, or go for a bike ride.
• Sip on herbal tea. Chamomile and green tea are my top picks during a depressive episode. It’s like a cozy hug that warms you from the inside out.
• Cuddle with your pet. Studies have shown that spending time with your fur baby can help increase oxytocin levels and reduce cortisol (the stress hormone).
• Do something you love. For me, it’s hoop dancing, reading, writing and making jewelry.
• Refrain from alcohol. Seriously. It will only make it worse.
• Hit the gym. If the depressive episode is really intense, then going to the gym probably sounds like a terrible idea. But it ALWAYS helps. In some cases, it’s even more effective than anti-depression medication. According to Harvard Medical School, “high-intensity exercise releases endorphins – the body’s feel-good chemicals – and it causes a natural high. But even very low-intensity exercise improves brain function and makes you feel better.” Read the full Harvard article about exercise and depression here.
• Get lost in a good book or movie. If you’re into thrillers/ suspense – save it for later. I’m talking feel-good shows like Modern Love on Netflix (I’m a fan).
• Dance. Just do it. Put on your favorite song and go crazy.
• Create something: Art, food, music. Being creative helps you get into the flow state. It occupies the mind and breaks the depressive feedback loop.
• Meditate. This is one of the best ways to calm the mind. And if you’re new to meditation or pressed for time, I highly recommend the Chopra Center’s Guided Meditations. You can successfully meditate in less than 10 minutes, for free. All you have to do is find a comfortable place to sit, close your eyes, and listen.

As always, thanks for taking the time to read. And I hope you’ve found my self-care tips for managing depression to be helpful.

The post Dark Days Still Come appeared first on Abby Albaum.

My gym always has motivational quotes on the dry erase board. Today’s said, “It doesn’t get easier. We get stronger.” But the quote didn’t make me think about the number of push ups I can do or how long I can hold a plank. Instead, I’m thinking about my book.

I haven’t written about the Authorpreneur Conference I attended a few weeks ago in Red Bank, NJ yet. More on that soon…

Today, I want to share my biggest takeaway which came after the conference, during my phone consultation with Marisa Corviserio – Founder of Corvisiero Literary Agency. We talked specifically about my manuscript and writing goals. This is the feedback she gave me:

Consider making it fiction and age the story down for a young adult audience (age 12-18). Memoir is a harder category to sell, especially without a platform, whereas YA Fiction is hot right now. Cut the manuscript down to 75K words (I’m currently at 90K) and pitch it as ‘own voices.’ (Own voices means that the writer shares a marginalized trait with their protagonist. In my case, it’s a clinical depression diagnosis and being a survivor of suicide loss).

She also made the point that 15-year-olds aren’t reading the same books as 30-year-olds. I’ve been pitching my manuscript as ‘young adult with adult crossover appeal.’ Reason being, suicide is the second leading cause of death in people age 15-29. This also happens to be the age range of my story as it unfolds.

If I heed the agent’s advice, then I’m going back to the beginning with a young adult (YA) audience in mind. I’m also looking at two books instead of one, considering the YA book would end at age 18. And this isn’t the first time it’s been suggested that I split the manuscript into two different stories. Still, I’ve got mixed emotions about the feedback.

My mama always told me to make a ‘Pros and Cons’ list whenever I’ve got a big decision to make. So…

To re-structure my manuscript so it fits into YA Fiction Parameters:

My ultimate goal is to help teenagers who suffer from depression, bi-polar disorder, and trauma. To make a significant impact, I need to create books that are marketable and easy to sell to publishers. And yep, I said ‘books,’ plural. Writers write. So that’s exactly what I’ve got to do.

When I originally sat down to write my story, I wasn’t thinking about the publishing industry. Truth be told, I barely knew anything about it back then. I’ve learned a ton over the past few years, and with knowledge comes growth, improvement, strength, and sometimes… re-direction. Plus, agents want to work with writers throughout their careers. It’s not a ‘one and done’ relationship, and the idea of securing a 3-book deal, for example, really excites me!

I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was 10 years old, and I have lots of books inside of me. Yea, maybe it’s taking longer than I’d hoped, but the best things in life are worth the wait. So I’m putting the brakes on pitching agents for now. Marisa already told me that she’d be happy to take another look at my project if I make her suggested changes.

Therefore, I’m splitting the book into two different stories. The first will be my YA novel. I can still say that it’s inspired by a true story even if I categorize it as fiction. I like the idea of having more creative freedom, and there won’t be any limits, in terms of what I can and can’t say (with non-fiction, it has to be 100% factual). This will enable me to build more compelling story lines and characterization.

The next book will be a sequel intended for a New Adult audience (twenties). What I’ve already written will still be utilized; it will just be stretched and re-structured. I can do this. I will do this.

To all who’ve been following along and supporting me on my journey towards publication: thank you. Your good vibes certainly help! This isn’t an easy road to navigate, but I’m on it until I reach my final destination.

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“Do What You Love!”

“Follow Your Dreams!” 

“Manifest Your Reality!”

Sounds awesome and…
I think we should talk about the “in between.”

I’ll start by saying that I preach the follow  your dreams message all the time. I’m a full-time hula hooper, jewelry maker, and aspiring author – so how could I not? As a creative entrepreneur whose been self-employed for more than a decade, I’m a huge proponent of people doing what they love in life. I think we’re all born with unique gifts and talents that we can tap into, to help make the world a better place.

With that said, I think people sometimes mistake manifesting with wanting. Manifestation is all about embodiment and alignment. It’s not a blind call to the wild, void of effort.

I’ve found that, when I expect opportunities to fall into my lap simply because I want them to, it usually doesn’t happen, and I don’t think we talk enough about the “in between.” I’m referring to the time period in between the commitment you’ve made to pursue your passion and the actualization of it. I’m not saying that things have to be difficult. I’m saying that living in flow is the best way to turn dreams into reality. It’s possible the dreams won’t play out the way you envisioned, either, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes, when we’re open to change, we’re pointed in new directions – to opportunities that we didn’t even know were there.

Working towards accomplishing what we want takes unwavering commitment and extraordinary effort. When we make the decision to pursue our passions in life, commitment is at the heart of everything we do. When something doesn’t work, we don’t give up. We re-route. This is what I mean by living in flow.

I have a magnet on my refrigerator that says, “When nothing is certain, everything is possible.” I love this quote by Margaret Drabble, and I make a conscious effort to view uncertainty in a positive light. 

I’m experiencing the “in between” right now. For many years, I’ve known that I have books inside of me. Not just one, but many. I’ve always wanted to be a writer. From the time I was old enough to pick up a pen and paper, I was scribbling handwritten thoughts into my journals. Writing is how I make sense of the world, and it’s an inherent part of what makes me me. I made the commitment to write my current book more than 15 years ago. It started out as a passion and something I knew I always wanted to do. But it wasn’t coming easy.

I started the book, set it aside, lived my life, wrote more, edited some, put it away, and eventually came back to it. I’ve always known that it was important, but I kept getting stuck in feelings of self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and fear. There were even times when my writing was angry and charged with negative emotions. So much so – that, had it been published back then, it wouldn’t have served anyone well. And that was the exact opposite of what I wanted to accomplish. My intention was always to create something that would inspire people and help them discover self-love and the beauty of human existence.

So, during my “in between,” I realized I had more life to live and more healing ahead of me. If I was ever going to write the kind of book that would truly make a positive impact, I needed to press the pause button and get clear on my intentions.

Last summer, I knew I was ready.

I started showing up at my favorite coffee shop every Tuesday. I sat for hours, diving into old journals, reading, writing, and working to re-structure my story. I sought out writing conferences, workshops, and special events to educate myself about the publishing world. I listened to podcasts about grammar, author success stories, and the business of writing. I also became friends with other writers who inspire and motivate me. I’m now working with beta readers, too. I realized that I needed to break out of my comfort zone and show my work to others. Feedback is critical.

And some days – like today – I get stuck. I hit a point in my story where I need to cut words, or “kill my darlings” as they say in the writing world. It’s sometimes difficult and frustrating. So when I start to feel like I’ve hit a road block, I step away. I give myself a break so I can return later with fresh ideas and new perspective. This is also a part of being in flow. 

The “in between” serves a purpose. Maybe the “in between” are the hours you spend working to master a new skill – like a musical instrument, a hit rhythm on the speed bag, or a cool skate boarding trick. The time spent learning, analyzing, messing up, and trying something new… those moments matter, and they help us reach our end goals. The struggle often makes the reward that much sweeter when it comes because we know we’ve been through something to get there. 

So, in closing:
Yes! Absolutely following your dreams. Commit to doing whatever it takes to accomplish them. Be fluid in the pursuit, pay attention to signs along the way, and embrace the “in between.”

As always, thanks for taking the time to read!

The post Following Dreams and Embracing the “In Between” appeared first on Abby Albaum.

I just returned home from a 3-hour writing workshop. It’s Fourth of July weekend, and while the class (hosted by Keep St. Pete Lit and appropriated titled “Writer’s Gym”) normally attracts between 10-15 students, there were only two of us today. I presume the low attendance is because people are enjoying the long holiday weekend. Fortunate for me and my new friend Ramona, we had lots of quality time with the teacher.

The intention of Writer’s Gym is to share first draft copies with the group for critique purposes. And because there were only two students in attendance, we each got 45 minutes of workshopping. I also came to a huge revelation in the process… I’m not writing one book. I’m writing two.

This week, I’d been struggling with how to include teachable moments into my story. I toyed with the idea of creating separate sections at the end of each chapter, but in doing so, I was concerned that I’d break up the story’s flow. During my critique today, after my work had been read and evaluated, I mentioned this. It was collectively agreed upon that I should separate these sections out into another book. Great, ’cause writing one book isn’t difficult enough.

Now, I just need to figure out how to transmute this feeling of anxiety into excitement. I know it’s the right thing to do, but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t feel overwhelmed. The good news is: the instructor and Ramona agreed that my story is compelling and the writing is interesting enough for two books. Most writers go through numerous rough drafts before publication (speaking of, I’m also happy to report that I’ve secured five beta readers for Book 1, but that’s a story for another time).

So, I need to look at this two-book realization as a helpful part of the process. But right now, I’m just looking at this full Bloody Mary I’m about to drink while I start making plans to re-create and re-structure.

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