40-Word Years

anecdote: 302: Baritone

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Fri, 27 Apr 2018 16:17:00 +0000

the senior backed me against the fridge

when I said wha?
he shoved his tongue
down my throat,
stopped
patted my head
said, niiiice
in his baritone
wandered off smiling.
I sputtered at colleagues
who said I must have misunderstood.

anecdote # 301: E

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Wed, 18 Jan 2017 20:30:00 +0000

His lowered gaze: "the Bible says to forgive
so I do"

he paused

then a sharp glare
"but I don't forget"

(at 14 I felt he got forgiveness wrong.
compassion as equal — key.)

he enters dementia.
their reciprocal grudges remain.

tribute #289: tattooed bear

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Mon, 16 Jan 2017 20:28:00 +0000

In university I went downtown.
got turned around.

Anyone I asked said no change, sorry
or turned suited shoulders away.

Outside Living Colour
big ole tattooed dudes smoked.

Taller asked what I was looking for,
directed tenderly as a father.

anecdote: #300 - neighbour

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 21:24:00 +0000

we've talked dozens of times.
she's in a constant dreadful fret.
I presumed it was her nature.

what if associations with me
call up all her anxiety.
automatically worst words come.

she's trying to drive me off.
it's finally working.

tribute: #288 - Pete

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Fri, 15 Jul 2016 21:25:00 +0000

I presumed we were clicking.
He wasn't leaving.
Laughed at my joke
added to it.
instead of backing away.

He'd be a good role model.
There to dance, conversationally.
No promises or implications
doing figure 8s
around my straight-kneed stammer.

tribute #287 - Mrs. Martin

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 20:20:00 +0000

bless her, she hired me
with doubts intact.

all my answers were:
yes, I can. laundry?
ironing? cleaning?

I'd never touched
an iron or machine.

I burned straight thru
her nightgown.

she knew: everyone's got to
have a start sometime.

anecdote #299 - boys

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Tue, 03 Nov 2015 20:16:00 +0000

in the parking lot
at the feed mill
two skateboarders
yelled, "old man"
at my father. he
gripped the wheel
shook from the hands
through all of him
tore off on foot
after them as
they laughed.
do they recall?

collective #91 - general public

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Sat, 18 Jul 2015 14:09:00 +0000

broadcasting by blogs, photos, social media
situates interactions in cold interstitial space
not intimate, connected, compassionate hover.

why should they surprise me with failures
to engage, indifferent remarks? we aren't
allies, never were. offer energy to tribe instead.

wherever they may be.

anecdote #298 - S

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 16:17:00 +0000

goodbyes aren't always coded clearly.
when she strained, emphatic: how I'd
always matter, she'd always support me.
mute, didn't know what to make of it.

that was goodbye. that was her final
letting go, not the holding on it seemed.

anecdote #297 - the old neighbours

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Tue, 10 Mar 2015 15:54:00 +0000

heard emotional meltdowns
volume-cranked articulate insecurities

her husband's walk to cool off,
read each walk as quieter version of,

shale sheared from the ideal of her
wider range. they won't implode.

"such displays" — my prudence.
managing best they can, too.

anecdote #296 - C

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Fri, 06 Mar 2015 16:53:00 +0000

ah, look in there. heart fists
cramps. competitive. bitter.
earnest need to beat her

at scrabble. means something
more when it's her. grudge.
is she iconic of a group?

what's that about heart?
ego, identity seems pinned
tight for win.

tribute # 286: Talus Taylor

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 17:06:00 +0000

Barbapapa, innocent safe.
He and Tison made a world
of constant picnics, riverside
community, painting and play
becoming whatever you wanted
as a lark. be a lark, a fish, a boat.
joyful interactions. face value, this.
messages of protecting good.

anecdote #295 -CanDoA

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 16:49:00 +0000

newbie, utter new to idea
of writing but on fire.
can you do anything?

even open heart surgery?
yes (she must assures herself
libraries must have a book)

I've had students with
decades more skill and
education, but they quail.

collective #90 - quiet ones

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Sun, 01 Mar 2015 17:21:00 +0000

need to retune attention towards quiet ones
who don't click
as if forcing mismatched jigsaw pieces

not seeking to close on my usefulness,
open palmed, they could take or
leave me.

quiet, not self-divulging but
solid, cautious to draw out.

anecdote #294 - hygienist (1990s)

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Sat, 28 Feb 2015 16:44:00 +0000

my jaws open for longer,
wider than ever. then
the way she asked if I
would want lip balm.

how she smoothed it on
the sympathy of her face.
was I ashen, shaking?
a wave of compassion
energy, almost visible.

anecdote #293 - craft person

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Sun, 30 Nov 2014 16:08:00 +0000

still carrying her
how she tore into me
plaintive about how I was
stealing food from her mouth
by documenting the fair I organized
by photographing a room her crafts were in.
I can't let crazy people rule my future.

tribute #285 - M

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Wed, 15 Oct 2014 17:09:00 +0000

was a mix of hanging out, joking
with an annual proposition. now that.
the rest fallen away.

his identity is horny. nothing personal.
part of him *shrug* but if that's all I get to see
there's no gain for me.

anecdote #292: H

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Mon, 08 Sep 2014 17:10:00 +0000

crossfired. H loaded one word
used to accuse me of illiteracy/infinite stupidity.

unfair this explosion at me as intolerable
should be H's whole legacy.

one withering echoes another withering like a flank
H battled chaos towards one correct thing.

anecdote # 291- Palestine's blogger (1.5 post)

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Tue, 19 Aug 2014 18:36:00 +0000

I assumed she meant Palestine/Israel
but maybe she meant Palestine, Texas.

I found it like a train-wreck — her talk
of PTA-meeting blowouts, husband, gossip,

kid acting out, doing flower arranging
cooking and never a political edge

how could she omit the landmines
soldiers, bombs, raids but then

in my daily reports how do I omit
muted on wrongs, injustices?

tribute #284 - Ramsey

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Mon, 18 Aug 2014 20:37:00 +0000

Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares is a reality check. You can work sloppily in a field for years without foundational knowledge or skill. Continuing is proof of nothing. Small commitment to learn, small returns. Best practice doesn't need invention but application.

anecdote #290 - L

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Wed, 13 Aug 2014 16:36:00 +0000

pressed for time together
and I deflected. fond of L
but busy. I didn't realize
bond establishments needed
intense rapid contact then
I could be put on a schedule
of relationship maintenance.
missed that window. L's
busy. "we're" "at sea".

tribute #283 - Moriarty

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 13:14:00 +0000

Moriarty said I want to stuff you with crumpets.

It came to be a shorthand for: I can't do much, but this much happiness and luxury I can make. Past basic needs, loving and treasuring you the best I can.

tribute # 282- Lesley

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Fri, 23 May 2014 17:05:00 +0000

It's the quiet ones you've got to watch
(Instead of the complaining noisemakers).

Makes the world she wants to have, the time
to be present, water off duck's back,

gives detailed feedback, encouraging people,
enthusiastic asides. speaking up for good.

anecdote # 289 - Mark Twain

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Thu, 22 May 2014 15:37:00 +0000

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
Thanks. Lightbulb. Extending my limited energy at insistent indifference/resistance?
We don't need to be friend(s/ly). Even a context of collaboration is a sham(e), a waste.

anecdote #288 - column man

noreply@blogger.com (Pearl) — Tue, 20 May 2014 20:29:00 +0000

opened his relationship for what
he could get.
when she agreed, men came
who enjoyed her.
he became jealous, baffled why anyone
would find her interesting.
what she realized? past time to move on.

what boring doors don't I close?