Ben Fountain

For the first time in countless years I read a book twice – back to back – it was that good. So good I wanted to experience it again. Every note it hits is perfect. It is one of the most cleverly descriptive books I’ve read – not once in a while, but line by line cover to cover.

I was especially impressed with Fountain’s clever verb usage. Some examples:

Small pockets of applause spark off here and there.

Their eyes skitz and quiver with the force of the moment…

…so they default to old habits.

…overcaffeinated tag teams of grateful citizens trampolined right down the middle of his hangover.

His mouth seems winched a couple of screws too tight.

Strangers make free with Billy’s young body, kneading his arms… clapping a manly hand to his back.

The executive rudders him by the elbow toward the bar, a take-charge guy.

Photographers and TV cameramen eddy through the crowd…

Billy spots Mr. Jones sharking around the fringes…

The cheerleaders sheep together nearby, shoulders hunched, legs pressed together for warmth…

They stay turtled up to the bar.

Hawey is still gassing about his grandsons…

…a gauzy pambling and tinkling like easy-listening jazz.

The Bravos mad-dog the cops with one last stare…

Norm’s smile is jacked a couple of clicks beyond mere courtesy.

Want to be a better writer? Study Fountain’s sentences over and over. Note how nothing is wasted, nor superfluous, and each paints a vivid picture in the mind’s eye.

Many writers mistake the context of seemed, thinking it means “gives the appearance of.” More precisely, the context of seems is: “appears to be one way when in fact it is another – usually the opposite.” Therefore, as an example, if you say that Joe seemed to be unhappy, the context is, it appears he is unhappy, but in fact he’s secretly delighted.

But the main reason I caution writers on its overuse is that in most cases, “seemed” (or “seemed to”) is a WEAK word that waters down the effect and thus dilutes Dramatic Tension.  Note the difference between, and the implication of, the following two sentences:

1. The body didn’t move, he seemed dead.

2. The body didn’t move, he was dead.

Clearly, #2 has more impact on the reader, because there is no question, no doubt – the immediacy of death overtakes the reader. The body doesn’t have to be examined or prodded only to later confirm, “Oh yeah, I guess he is dead after all.”

Like surprises? Use the FIND/REPLACE feature in MSWord; type “seem” in the FIND field and search through your manuscript. I’m betting you won’t believe how many times “seemed” appears.

Beat The Reaper (Josh Bazell). The protagonist is a doctor who’s in Witness Protection because he used to be a hit man. BTR has my all-time favorite opening paragraph:

          So I’m on my way to work and I stop to watch a pigeon fight a rat in the snow, and some fuckhead tries to mug me! Naturally there’s a gun. He comes up behind me and sticks it into the base of my skull. It’s cold, and it actually feels sort of good, in an acupressure kind of way. “Take it easy, Doc,” he says.

But the main reason I recommend BTR: it’s an excellent lesson in how to grab the reader’s interest from the first page; and how not to be fearful of going “over the top”. It’s also my #1 recommendation for authors looking for a top-grade education in first person perspective. Many fiction authors tell me they’re afraid to write in first person; they feel it’s too limiting. Read Beat The Reaper and you’ll see that first person is more compelling than third person (omnipotent narrator) if you have a very smart protagonist at the helm of your story.

Save suddenly for critical situations where (sudden) time can make the difference between winning or losing – life or death. Or when speed is of the essence to accomplish something.

Note: the same applies to “quickly” and “immediately” – use them sparingly as well.

INCORRECT: He suddenly decided to get out of bed.

JUST SAY: He got out of bed.

INCORRECT: It was suddenly time to leave for work.

JUST SAY: It was time to leave for work.

MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE INCORRECT: The clock suddenly struck 1:00!

DUH! The clock strikes 1:00 twice a day every day. How is this a dramatic event?

CORRECT: He wasn’t paying attention and the gun suddenly went off in his hand.

WHY: True drama; the writer isn’t trying to make blasé prose artificially exciting.

CORRECT: She had just stepped into the crosswalk when a car suddenly appeared in her peripheral vision.

WHY: Life and death at stake here.

And of course, you get a free pass if you cleverly use it for special effect; as in one of my favorite play/movie titles: Suddenly, Last Summer.