Question: Allana, what is ‘energetic sex’ and how can I do it?
Answer: I think what you’re referring to is when sex is more than just genitals copulating. Instead, when there is an energetic component alive, the flow of breathe and energy throughout your body, resulting in full body orgasms or for men internally orgasming without externally ejaculating.

Yes? I am not a sexologist or sex doctor; but, what I can tell you personally about energy and sex is that when one opens up, puts down their walls of trying to look good or do it right, when you have a communion with your body where there is no shame and total freedom with your desires, that you embody your erotic nature. You are vibrating with desire, openness, expansive possibilities, erotic bliss. When you let this energy flow, when you let your desires be OK, when you let your truth be expressed… it makes sex a truly sacred and transcendental experience. PURE YOU.
I’ve had moments where I didn’t know where my skin ended and their’s began. Moments where I forgot who was the girl and who was the guy… for we were one, swimming through oneness in bliss. And is it like that every time? No. Yet now that I know it’s possible, I choose to cultivate the capacity to be free, open, honoring of my authentic erotic nature, honoring of my partner, honoring of the sacredness of sexual union and experience newer and newer possibilities of bliss with my partner (or by myself!)

I honestly think I’m just a toddler at it, I sense there is so much more to experience and I look forward to exploring deeply and reverently and erotically. And I know that I also have come a long way in being non judgmental of my body, of being vulnerable and courageous, of embracing my erotic creature and orgasmic nature.

Thus if you sense that my non judgmental nature and honor of your journey is a fit for us to connect to dissolve your sexual shame or blocks to energetically fulfilling sex, I would be privileged to connect. Simply process a single strategy session and I will give you the biggest return on your investment to heal shame, dissolve blocks and guide you to connect intimately with your own sacred erotic nature.

From there, the world is your oyster. You deserve to know this bliss. It’s your birthright.

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Explore the dating strategy of being a ‘challenge’ or playing ‘hard to get’ and its impact on intimacy-related issues. Allana Pratt, an esteemed intimacy expert, shares insights into the complexities of modern dating dynamics and the effects it can have on building emotional connections. Discover the nuances of this dating approach and gain a deeper understanding of its potential implications for fostering genuine intimacy. Allana Pratt provides expert guidance on navigating the balance between creating intrigue and maintaining authenticity in relationships. Uncover the key factors that contribute to healthy emotional connections and learn valuable tips for addressing intimacy-related challenges in your dating journey.

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Q: Allana, When does persistence become harassment/stalking?

A: I get juicy when man knows what he wants and it’s me. I adore a man who honors my heart, mind and body and wants to spend time with me. Texting and emails are great once a day or even every other day which gives me space to desire you. I love it when men notice the slope of my neck, or my goofy giggle, or to know they were thinking of me. Personally I have a life and don’t care for several texts throughout the day, yet sexting at night for half and hour can be hot. I have zero tolerance for harassment and stalking.

Persistence from male suitors become harassment and stalking when a woman’s firm “No” is ignored. If a woman communicates “No thank you” then back off and move on. It makes me feel completely slimy if a man stands too close to me trying to talk to me, if he comments blatantly on body parts like my tits or ass, or if I get sexually inappropriate texts or emails especially late at night, before we’ve become intimate. Yet I also want to apologize on behalf of my gender. Many women aren’t clear, kind or brave enough to say, “Thank you, but no thank you.” I get how frustrating and confusing it must be. Is her not calling or texting you back mean she’s the bunny and wanting you to chase her? Is she playing games wanting to see if you’re a ‘real man’ and will pursue her over other women? Some women who have been burned by men play games in an attempt to protect their hearts and I’m sorry if they lead you on, only later to blame you for harassment.

On the other hand, be careful that you are not overcompensating for an emasculated heart and being disconnected to your masculine instinct in your pursuing of women. One client of mine always finding himself in the ‘friend zone’ tried to be more aggressive with women because he heard that women wanted a bad boy. Yet because of past wounding from his Dad and other women, his ‘aggressive’ was actually ANGER and it pushed women away. Do your inner work so you can hear your heart, intuition and act appropriately with your masculine instinct. And if you can’t connect to that, call me, that’s my specialty.

Bottom line, be clear, noble and confident in your intentions. If she shows interest, smiles, then pursue. If she says ‘No Thank you’, move on. If she ignores you, sorry for her lack of class, yet move on. There are plenty of women out there who won’t play games. And a quality woman will appreciate a Good Man. Promise.

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Discover expert guidance from Coach Allana Pratt on navigating intimacy issues in marriage, specifically addressing the challenge of unsatisfied sexual needs. Explore insightful advice for couples facing this common concern, and gain valuable strategies for fostering open communication and finding mutually satisfying solutions. Learn how to approach this sensitive topic with empathy and understanding, paving the way for deeper connection and intimacy within your marriage.

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Q: You asked,”Allana, is it ever ok for a couple to agree to a “hall pass”?

A: I believe there’s nothing wrong whatsoever with a couple agreeing to a hall pass, yet if it’s not done consciously with rules, understanding, mutual consent and what if strategies, that you can destroy your relationship beyond repair.
While I”m never interviewed him (and this reminds me to invite him on Intimate Conversations LIVE) I’ve heard of a man named Reid Mihalko who speaks on polyamory. I would research him and see what advice he gives. I understand he gives workshops on the topic.

And lastly, I would ask you to inquire into the reason beneath the reason that you want to have sex outside the marriage. It could be indeed that you’ve never had sex with anyone else on the planet. It could be that your partner and you are not erotically matched and one partner is highly unexpressed and unfulfilled. Yet it could be that you haven’t found the courage, vulnerability or intimate connection to truly communicate honestly about what you desire… you’ve been unwilling to go on tantra workshop weekends or dive into erotic film or literature together.
Before pulling the trigger, I would most certainly get professional guidance for a few sources until you find one that resonates deeply with both partners so that this exploration servers to expand not destroy what you’ve built. I would be honored to be that mentor to awaken your sexual grandeur. My strategy sessions are found at AllanaPratt.com/strategy I welcome the possibility of creating the most elevated journey possible for you and your partner.

Blessings,

Allana xooxox>

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Q: You asked Allana, “I have a problem with commitment but I would love to be married some day. How on earth can I find the one if I don’t want to settle down?”
A: My love, one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake is only going to frustrate and exhaust you! Let’s start to define what you’re making commitment mean… as perhaps with a fresh perspective, you could actually create a relationship beyond your imagination that includes both freedom and intimacy.

Most guys are afraid that commitment means never having sex with another woman again. In monogamous relationships, that’s true. Yet that doesn’t mean you have to choose that yet… enjoy savoring wonderful women and communicate that you’re not looking to settle down yet while learning what you choose and don’t choose in a partner. Of course you could also create a polyamorous relationship although there aren’t as many women into that, yet it is an option.

Perhaps you think commitment means you’ll have to give up guy time, or your legacy, or time alone… ONLY if you don’t create a deal first. What if you both get to know each other, fancy each other a lot, and begin to talk about how to each be in allowance of who each other is… and integrate that INTO the relationship? Like she doesn’t give up yoga. And you don’t give up hockey games. And she doesn’t give up nights out with the girls. And you still have your yearly guy trip. Get the picture? You’ll have to honor each other, include each other in one schedule, introduce each other to each other’s worlds… yet with respect, you can let the other know of an event/class/trip you’d like to take… so that they can plan something lovely on their own or with their friends. Don’t give up YOU just cuz you’re married.

I think it’s pretty normal for men to want to focus on adventure and growth of their business at a time when women are watching the clock tick wanting a child… it’s a cruel joke of nature… yet if you can find someone with whom the sex is great, who handles their money well, who thinks what you’re about is super cool and doesn’t try to change you, and you don’t change her… then what if settling down one day is even better than being single?

What if you did the inner work to feel free in your being, to be able to speak your truth and not be afraid of what other’s think or say? What if you promised your Soul that you’d both have self love and love of another and have it be your spiritual practice? What if the intimacy shared and the connection build fueled your legacy even more than it could alone, all the while never neeeeeeeding her… choosing her to be your partner?

This is big deal. And a great question. And worth time to go inside or you may end up marrying someone who isn’t a great match then getting divorced, all unnecessary pain… or you’ll wait until you’re too old and not as attractive a package… there is a sweet spot with timing just for you and I’d love to help you find that. That way you can be fully self expressed alive and vibrant knowing who you are and what you desire, holding nothing back in life, carpadiem! Seize the day! Resonate? Let’s talk. www.AllanaPratt.com/strategy You owe it to yourself to not hide your grandeur or waste your precious life force energy and masculine grandeur spinning in your head. Can’t wait to connect.
xoxo
Allana

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Why do people feel inclined to share advice?

Most healthy people have a core need to have made a difference. A less evolved person who feels empty inside needs to be right, be in control, be liked, be thought of as important. When people don’t feel a strong sense of inner worth or self esteem, they tend to seek validation on the outside by giving unsolicited advice. They aren’t connected to their most inner selves… so they don’t have the capacity to sense another’s inner self… and that their advice wasn’t asked for is making another uncomfortable or downright pissed off!

Another reason people give unsolicited advice is that they can’t stand to see someone struggling or in discomfort because they can’t be with their OWN inner pain or fear. Thus their advice is a projection to get away from their own inner discomfort. You’ll see this a lot with helicopter parenting when a parent doesn’t want their child to feel ANY pain or fear… yet it’s like cutting a butterfly out of it’s cocoon… challenges are the fuel of confidence, adversity makes us stronger.

What is and is not helpful?
It’s helpful to be present, listen, seek to understand not to fix or change the other person. It’s condescending to think that they need you to save them! They are a whole being, a brilliant soul just like you! They can do it, just give them the gift of your unconditional love and non judgment… and just BE THERE. If and only if someone ASKS for advice, give them your point of view, knowing you aren’t right, it’s just your viewpoint based on your values.
Even as a coach where people are clearly paying me for my advice… I still ask permission out of honor, respect and kindness. I am not interested in being right, I am interested in asking poignant questions to help empower them to navigate their life journey more successfully.

Do people with certain personalities give/receive advice better (or worse)?
Empaths feel advice or constructive criticism more intensely than say a more logical analytical mind would. Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements speaks of not taking another’s opinion personally… knowing it’s their point of view, based on their values. You can think of yourself in an egg of light that has mirrors on the outside… comments that contribute come into the egg nourishing you… and comments that don’t are reflected off and down into Mother Earth where she transforms it like compost into fresh energy.

How should people respond to unsolicited advice?
If it’s someone who either you don’t know or who isn’t aware or evolved enough to have an intimate authentic conversation with in the first place, don’t waste your time or breath. You can simply say, Thank you for your point of view. Then walk away.

If it’s someone that you need to put healthy boundary down with, you can say, Thank you for your point of view yet I didn’t request your advice. In the future I’d appreciate it if you’d ask if I’m open to hearing your opinion before you offer it. Thank you. (They may get their feathers ruffled, yet you’re not about trying to please them, you’re about honoring their intensions yet also honoring and protecting yourself.

If it’s someone really close to you that you desire to heal and grow your relationship with, you can say, Love, may I be straight? When you give me advice without asking my permission first, it hurts my heart and makes me want to pull away. My desire is to stay connected and to deepen our relationship. What would work for me is if you ask me first before giving me your opinion. Would that work for you?

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As an Intimacy Expert for the past 18 yrs AND as a real-life twice divorced woman, many have asked me if I knew now what I knew then, would I have still gotten married? Short answer, yes. Long answer, I learned several things by being married, those lessons I would not trade:

HE’S NOT GOING TO HEAL YOUR DADDY WOUNDS: I was in my early 20’s, insecure, impressionable. He was in his early 30’s, tall dark and handsome, multimillionaire. He chose me. I thought I would never do ‘better’. Yet I hid in the closet to meditate cuz he thought that was ‘weird’. I was looking for Daddy’s love, security and attention. No regrets because of all I learned. Yet I tell my clients heal their inner wounds FIRST and you’ll make a mature, grounded and aware choice in a partner.

DON’T GET MARRIED WHEN YOUR MOM IS DYING: I was jaded from the first marriage. Fairytale Disneyland love is bullshit. I just need someone with a checkbook, pulse and working sperm. My heart was so closed in terror of losing my mom to cancer that I was grasping for anything on the outside to make the pain on the inside go away. Got pregnant right away. Divorced within a year. Single motherless mom. Not fun. Again, no regrets because of all I learned, yet I tell my clients to live from an open heart where they can hear their wisdom and act with courage.

CUSTODY BATTLES ARE A REAL POSSIBILITY: I ended up choosing a 2nd husband whose heart was wounded (just like mine) and his way of moving forward to get revenge on me ‘breaking my word to stay with him until death do us part and humiliating him by divorcing him’ has been a decade long custody battle. I’ve lost my home, savings and I’ve almost paid off my $255K legal debt. And while I’ve done my best to be a vibrant, honest, bold, spiritually grounded mom… my 14 yr old son is now living full time with his Dad. My greatest fear came true. He’d win taking him away from me.

While this TOO is another step on my spiritual journey of forgiveness, compassion, trust and self love… I tell my clients to remember that divorce doesn’t necessarily make the issues with the ex go away. It can exacerbate them! So choose wisely ???? And even if things do get worse with court… you WILL be able to find your voice, be stronger, honor your truth and live with your heart open no matter the circumstances. Your kids will always remember that.

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As we begin the new year, we make resolutions, promises, declarations to ourselves and the universe. New year, new life, new love, new you. Question is, do we believe all that we declare? Specifically, do we truly need a new love or is loving “You” enough?

There are a few signs to know when a life partner is not right for you:

YOU THRIVE ALONE: Signs that your partner is a contribution to your life, is that all OTHER areas of your life get better. Thus a sign that having a life partner (or THAT life partner) is NOT for you is that when you date/be exclusive/get married, all other areas of your life worsen, fall apart or suffer. Take a bird’s eye view and assess your situation honestly.

YOU’RE RESISTANT/UNWILLING TO MAKE SPACE: Everything in life either lifts you or depletes you. And everyone is wired differently. If you get cranky at the thought of having to share your home, your time, your closet, your money, your vacations, your evenings… then making space for a full time life partner isn’t right for you now, or at all. Honor what’s true for you.

YOUR PRIORITIES ARE ELSEWHERE: Relationships take time, energy, money and focus to thrive. If your priorities are on your career, your spiritual growth, your children as single parent… be bold and courageous enough to honor that and don’t string someone along, use them or lie to yourself just to be socially acceptable if you’re happier going it alone.
So what do you do now?

BE HONEST: Just because you may not desire a life partner, doesn’t mean you don’t desire sex! Be upfront, honest and truthful when meeting people so no one’s heart gets hurt or expectations crushed. Create a solid foundation of authenticity and allow yourself to ask for exactly what you desire: Do you want them to stay over? Do you want to engage in texting/emails/phone calls in-between sexual adventures? Do you desire gifts or public displays of affection when out? Do you require you or them sleeping with only one person at a time or are you OK with many partners at one time?

HONOR YOU: Take regular time to get clear inside with what’s true for you. Then be courageous and noble by communicating these truths to lovers. AND be willing to change your mind as you navigate life without a life partner in your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and beyond… stay out of conclusion. Stay intimacy connected to YOU. You are amazing, unique… one of a kind

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Question: Sometimes we get distracted by life and drift apart. Do YOU have any tips on how to rebuild intimacy?

Answer: I absolutely love your question. It’s so true. Life is busy and challenging and we can take for granted that we have this amazing partner and we drift apart. It’s like a plant that you assume will just keep growing without water, sun or pruning. Doesn’t happen. I’ve heard there is technology where you can actually hear the plant SING when you walk in the room and shine your light love and water on them!

People require tender loving care, starting with ourselves so our bucket is full. That’s a challenge with never-ending demands of life so here are 3 tips that will support you rebuilding intimacy with your partner:

1) ME Time: I know you want to rebuild intimacy with your partner, yet when you’re running on empty, this is an inefficient use of your time and energy. Where do YOU get the biggest bang for your buck with renewal, replenishment, returning to your most alive state? Being in nature? Meditating? Being with people? Appreciating beauty? Being touched? Make appointments in your calendar once a week for YOU even if it’s only 30 minutes. Make it sacred and don’t ditch your ME Time for work, errands etc. If something comes up, you can move it, yet not cancel it. The plant will forgive you for missing it’s watering for a day or two, yet leave it too long and it withers… and so will you.

2) Building Affinity: When you have an affinity for someone, you like them. Of course you love your partner, yet have you forgotten how much you like them? What about when you turn around and your earrings you left on the coffee table somehow find their way back to your jewelry box? What about that snack that miraculously appears while you’re watching the game? What about the way they smell? What about that dimple and how it makes your heart open? What about their choice not to rub it in when you were late picking up the kids and they just hugged you in appreciation? Catch your partner in all the ways you LIKE and appreciate them and TELL THEM. Face to face, in a text, an email, a sticky note. Express affinity and watch the chords of love, light and intimacy weave your bond of connection.

3) Weekly Dyads: This is something that was taught to me by Warrior Sage and a practice I did with a boyfriend every Sunday for nearly a year. It consists of 3 questions. You go back and forth and you’re only allowed to say Thank you which means I understand, not I agree. It creates a really safe space to be heard and not fixed or argued with. We did this practice for 40 minutes yet even 20 minutes will rebuild intimacy.

Question 1: Tell me something you like about me. (go back and forth for about 5 minutes)

Question 2: Tell me something you think we agree on. (reminds you that you’re on the same team)

Question 3: Tell me something you want me to know. (this is space to share about your desires, fears, frustrations, dreams…try not to say YOU which puts people on the defensive. Stick with I feel, I desire, it would make me happy if…)

As time goes on, you can use this communication model when driving on a road trip, when on a date, when in bed sleeping in… Tell me something about you and your sexual fantasies. or Tell me something about you and money. or Tell me something about you and your aging parents. This will HUGELY rebuild intimacy. You can even create your ritual to end with making love each time, sometimes slow and tender, sometimes crazy kinky… you’re in charge.

And lastly, intimacy has a lot to do with trust, honestly, vulnerability and it requires consistent loving attention to grow, deepen and expand. Remember intimacy isn’t sexual, it CAN include sex, yet it’s a way of connecting so expand your intimacy to speaking with your kids, your clients, your friends… to God, Source, Nature, your Body… how many places can you experience communion?

And I would LOOOOOOVE the blessing and privilege of having a potent love-life changing one hour strategy session with you to hold deep intimate space for the most important relationship of all, YOU with YOURSELF. Often what’s in the way of rebuilding intimacy is guilt, fear, shame, denial… and once we connect and heal/shift those ways of being, your intimate relationship with your partner will be met with ease, grace and of course deliciousness.

Go to www.AllanaPratt.com/strategyand sign up today. I will contact you personally to book our time on my private conference line or face to face on Skype. Your return on investment will be priceless.

Huge blessings,
Allana

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