It’s beginning to smell a lot like… Pre-teens?

It’s Christmas. The holidays. Is there anything more wonderful than stepping into a home decked with twinkling lights, evergreen branches, sparkling ornaments and the tantalizing smells of cinnamon, cloves, peppermint, baking cookies & holidays treats? 

Smells often trigger the most amazing memories, nostalgia and comfort. 

But… that can all be deflated once you step into the bathroom after one of my boys has stepped out! 

We are in the pre-teen stage and I love it! However, bigger boys mean “bigger gifts” left in the bathroom. 

There are eight people in our home. 3 ½ baths available for use. But Murphy’s law says that the bathroom you want to use will be occupied by a pre-teen. 

Open the door… And WHAM! All beautiful christmas feelings are gone!

While I can’t prevent the line of children banging on the bathroom door for their brother to get off his phone and finish his business, I can provide a way to trap the embarrassing odors that are released with the opening of the bathroom door!

We love Air Wick candles, air freshener, and plugins. But now, I am no longer sure that we can live without Air Wick V.I.P. Pre-Poop Spray! Found at Walmart in the air freshener isle, these bottles trap all the nose-wrinkling smells and prevent the unanimous groan from everyone who walks by the bathroom. 

V.I.P. traps the smells by creating a layer on the surface of the water with infused essential oils and neutralizing ingredients that release fresh fragrance and not tortuous smells.

When they say, “Every party has a pooper…”  let’s keep that a secret! 

While there’s still a warning disclaimer that the main half-bath of our house is used by children and it’s risky business to do your business, and that there may be a towel on the floor, an empty hand soap bottle, smudged lipstick kisses on the mirror, and most likely the empty toilet paper roll has NOT been changed, I CAN now control the smells with Air Wick V.I.P. Pre-poop spray! (I think our favorite is Lemon Idol.)

Side note: Stop right now and add the V.I.P. to your Walmart online order and don’t forget to use an Ibotta coupon for even more savings!

So, if you have a pre-teen boy (or man, or guest pooper), this is the perfect solution to keep the holiday smells appropriate! (wink-wink)

I may or may not be sliding a bottle of V.I.P. into each boy’s stockings…

Ps. If you like sarcastic bathroom humor, you can grab all of these printable signs for FREE by filling in the form below!

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Can you believe that the holidays are practically here?!

If you haven’t yet, it’s time to break out your favorite list making app or your handy-dandy notebook and create a list of all the people you want to give a gift to and don’t forget to make a list of all the delicious FOOD you want to make and eat!

Good food during the holidays is just as important!

This year, I’m streamlining how I am shopping due to the certain “germs” going around that I don’t want to spread. I’m planning on shopping at just a few stores and ordering online or pick up. 

Sam’s Club is our favorite place to shop for bulk food because we have a huge family of 8. But it’s also an amazing place to shop for holiday decor, gifts for the kids, grandparents, and husbands (think grill). 

They have a huge selection of holiday treats and everything you need for your big holiday feast (even if it is reduced in size you can still make it delicious and special).

Check out all of the holiday gift ideas, decor, and seasonal items available right now at Sam’s Club. There are over $4700 in Instant Savings! Be sure to check out the upcoming sales, club hours and cutoff dates. Order early to ensure delivery before Christmas! Don’t forget that Sam’s Club offers Scan & Go as well as Curbside Pickup options!

If you are not a club member yet, then you can join right now for just $45 and you will get a free Rotisserie Chicken, Take & Bake Pizza, and 8 count cupcakes, valued at $20.95. (Think dinner done for you in seconds!)

Here are some of the deals I’m most excited about:

This Kitchen Aid Mixer set has me drooling! The extra bowl and tools are a HUGE win!

If your hubby is into grilling but not into freezing during the winter… Then check out this Power Smokeless Grill!

I don’t want to waist a lot of time doing dishes during the holidays, so I plan on grabbing these cute holiday paper plates for the kids and my sanity. 

Requested a total of 1 million times already by my girls is L.O.L. dolls! This set is in my cart and ready to be shipped!

ENTER TO WIN $100 e-gift card from Sam’s Club! 

Giveaway starts on Monday, November 16th at 12:00 AM PT
Giveaway ends on Thursday, November 19th at 11:59 PM PT
10 winners will receive a $100 e-gift card from Sam’s Club
Enter by clicking the above photo!

See complete Official Rules for entry instructions, full prize descriptions, restrictions and other important details.

I’m excited for the holidays and also ready to focus in at home and let go of all the stress built up over the past few months. I hope you are too!

The post Holiday Shopping at Sam’s Club! appeared first on All My Good Things.

Answer the following questions:

1. Do you have kids? 
2. Do you plan on staying in your home for more than 2 years? 
3. Do you live in Texas or another state that is freaky hot most of the year? 
4. Do you have kids? 

If you answered yes to any of the above, then the answer is YES! it is worth it to put an in ground pool in. 

The only regret that we have about our in ground pool is that we didn’t put it in sooner. 

We got caught in the 2020 quarantine with 6 kids at home and nothing to do! There had been talks of putting an in ground pool in our backyard for months, and we were ready to go, but then quarantine! Never again will we be caught without an amazing backyard pool for our family!

At the beginning of the year did our research for the best Houston in ground pool design and construction companies. While there are many to choose from and we interviewed quite a few, we were so happy to find J. Bradley Pool Designs and contract them to do the work for us. 

There is no question that a pool is an investment. When it comes to investing your hard earned money into a pool, you want the best design, the best contractor, the best construction teams, with no cut corners, lots of communication, and a pool that will blow you away. This is exactly what we got from J.Bradley and their team.

Joe came out to our home and listened to all of our wish list.

• 6 kids and needed a pool that would not feel crowded with all the kids and their friends over.
• A deep pool that the kids can dive in
• Swim out ledges for safety in the deep end
• A splash pad area for our dog to stand in while the kids swam. (He isn’t a big swimmer, but loves the water)
• A hot tub with heater that would be close enough to the patio that my husband could sit in it and watch the game on the weekends
• A heater
• Decking that would create a strait path from the backdoor to the pool without stepping in grass or mud.
• Our budget

After measuring our backyard and listening to our wish list and descriptions, Joe created a gorgeous, custom design for our dream pool.

He took all of our wish items and created a beautiful pool that would flow with our backyard shape and stayed in our budget. That was it. We were ready to build!

J. Bradley construction teams were efficient, courteous, cleaned up after themselves and made sure to accommodate our family during the construction process. 

When there was a delay, they let us know what was happening and when we could expect the next step to happen. 

I appreciated that they would not cut corners during delays to go with a less than superior product or install to make sure that our pool would be solid and guaranteed for years to come. 

There were 4 phases of our pool construction:

• Dig
• Rebar
• Gunite and plumbing
• Decking, plaster, and electrical

Our contract had us approve each stage and pay 1/4 of the contract when each stage was complete. I appreciated this method as it gave us the opportunity to inspect each stage, ask questions, and feel confident with each phase of construction.

If you are not using J.Bradley pools I would highly recommend you request this to be a part of your contract. 

The excitement built quickly during the final phase as you could really see the pool finishes taking place.

We love the flagstone we chose and the tile design is my favorite shades of blue. 

We requested that we would be able to choose our decking after the flagstone was installed. It was important that the decking blended nicely with the decking we already had in our yard as we didn’t want to rip all of that up as well. J.Bradley was flexible with our choices and gave great recommendations for high quality, budget friendly products.

The moment the hoses turned on in the pool, we knew that all of our decisions and ultimately our choice to build a pool was worth it!

You can bet all your dollars that every holiday will be spent poolside from now on. We installed a heater and we live in Texas, so that is going to be a REAL thing!

The kids are already planning their pool birthday parties for next summer. They have practically sent out the invitations they are so excited!

In conclusion. Is an in ground pool worth it? 

YES! A thousand times, YES! And if you are in Houston, TX, you MUST use J.Bradley Pools!

The post Is an in ground pool worth it? appeared first on All My Good Things.

This post is sponsored by Hamilton Beach and may contain affiliate links.

I’ve been debating on getting an air fryer for months now. But I am so glad I waited, because I found the Hamilton Beach Sure Crisp Air Fry Toaster Oven and it is all my dreams come true!

Counter space is a prime real estate in any kitchen. I strongly feel that an appliance that earns a place on the counter MUST be pure genius and used almost daily in order to be left on the counter in a permanent home. 

Our toaster has been tucked under the counter and randomly pulled out for many years. But now, it’s in the garage. Ready to be donated. Because the Hamilton Beach Sure Crisp Air Fry Toaster Oven is taking over as my new favorite appliance!

If you have been thinking about investing in an air fryer, why not combine it into a multi-functioning appliance that can do ALL the things? 

• Air Fry – the Sure-Crisp function crisps food and cooked evenly & fast
• Toast
• Bake
• Broil
• Save time & Energy as it uses 71% less energy and reheats food 28% faster
• Large capacity – fits 6 slices of bread or a 12″ pizza
• Mesh basket for air frying, bake pan and broil rack included
• And a slide out tray for easy cleanup

I am SOLD!

The first thing I did with my new Sure-Crisp Air Fryer was reheat french fries. French fries are LIFE and there is just not a great way to get back the crispy deliciousness that they are when they come fresh out of the kitchen at a restaurant. Not any more! These babies crisped right up and angels sang when I dipped them in my favorite fry sauce.

Next, I tested out baking a homemade pizza using the bake option. (We did a Philly cheesesteak pizza) First, I loved that it didn’t heat up my house! Usually when I make homemade pizza the oven heat makes my kitchen extremely warm. Not anymore with this awesome appliance!

Toasting bread for our family no longer has to be a wait-your-turn situation. Six kids and six slices of toast are done in all at once and it is wonderful not to have anyone yelling, “I’m FIRST!”

Inspired by the Sure-Crisp feature, I made these Crispy Parmesan Zucchini Chips. Thinly sliced zucchini, sprinkled with salt, pepper, & parmesan and perfectly air fried to a crisp. 

They are addicting, and anything but bad for you!

Here is the quick recipe:

Ingredients:

• 2 small zucchini or 1 large sliced thinly
• Salt
• Pepper
• Garlic powder (optional)
• Shredded Parmesan

Directions:

• Sprinkle salt over zucchini slices and allow to sit for five minutes
• Pat dry zucchini with paper towels
• Sprinkle pepper, garlic powder, and parmesan over zucchini slices
• Arrange in Air Crisp basket and set in Hamilton Beach Sure Crisp Air Fry Toaster Oven
• Set oven to air fry and timer for 25 minutes 
• Serve with your favorite dip!

HINT: The Hamilton Beach Sure Crisp Air Fry Toaster Oven is the PERFECT gift for Christmas!

The post Crispy Parmesan Zucchini Chips appeared first on All My Good Things.

Chicken. It’s what’s for dinner half the week. LOL. 

I like chicken, but I NEED other flavors to dominate the dish. I don’t want to taste the chicken. I want to taste the garlic, and herbs, and onion, and all the seasonings to make it over the top delish!

This recipe was inspired by the basil growing in my garden. My container garden is mostly done for the year, but my basil plant is refusing to stop! I love basil. Give me all the bruschetta all day long. But of course, I need more recipes for basil than bruschetta.

Note: if you do not have fresh basil, you can still make this dish with dried basil! Just half the basil amount. 

I love my cast iron skillet! What was life like before I welcomed this heavy pan into my kitchen? 

If you have not jumped on the cast iron skillet train, let me entice you with all the skillet recipes you can make for dinner the week! CLICK HERE

I also have to gush about the searing factor this skillet brings to the stovetop. Heat the pan on high and watch the seared brown flavors form on the meat and veggies you throw at it.

My favorite chicken part to use in this tomato basil skillet chicken recipe are boneless, skinless chicken thighs. I stock up whenever there is a great sale. I have found that they regularly go on sale in my grocery store every 6 weeks. Almost like clockwork! Check your grocery store ads.

Serve this tomato basil skillet chicken with your favorite pasta or polenta. It’s so delicious!

And there you have it! A perfect way to use up the overabundance of fresh basil from the garden and a delicious change up from spaghetti.

The post Tomato Basil Skillet Chicken appeared first on All My Good Things.

Are you a decorator? Or do you feel like you have no idea what you are doing? 

That’s me. I’ll admit it. Decorating my home is NOT my expertise. 

I love all of the IG feeds that are gorgeous and inspiring, but transferring that over to me actually buying something to put on my walls and style my home… it’s a struggle.

When I heard about Decocrated, I KNEW that I needed to sign up ASAP and let them take over my lack of decorating skills and do all the work for me.

Decocrated is a home decor subscription box that comes quarterly full of seasonal decor items that help take the guess work out of shopping and decorating! 

Their items are are timeless, high-quality decor items that are tailored for each season. Their pieces can be styled in just about any room of the house and many of them can be used for any season of the year.

Each box comes with a styling guide with several examples of ways to style each piece in different rooms of the house. They give suggestions of colors to pair with decor items in the box as well as guides for how-to-style.

Think of each box as a home-refresher that comes to your door each quarter!

Every box contains 6-9 full-size items that together cost much more than the subscription price. There is an assortment of items that can be used all over your home or combined in just one room. 

I used all of the Fall 2020 box items in my dining room, but already have plans for a few of the pieces to move to the family room for Christmas.

I’m already picturing this candle ring decorated with Christmas and Easter garlands! 

The Fall 2020 box came with all of these items: 

• Wooden Crate with interchangeable signs
• Two velvet pumpkins
• Circle Candelabra
• Black & white table runner
• Hanging basket
• Adorable Fall Sign
• Wood & Metal Our Happy Place sign

I’m totally going to sound like a sales pitch right now… But I don’t even care!

YOU NEED THIS BOX!

It’s going to make your life easy. It’s going to make you feel happy when you look at your cozy, styled room. And it all came to your door!

No decisions needed.
No shopping needed.
All the work done for you!
That’s a WIN!

Use my code for a $10 off your first box: ALLMYGOODTHINGSBLOG10

Grab your fall box ASAP before they are all gone and get on the list for the Winter box. Those go FAST!

The post DecoCrated Subscription Box Review – Fall 2020 appeared first on All My Good Things.

Dear Momma,

You are stronger then you think you are…

But… It’s okay not to be.

I keep saying, “This is a weird time.” 

I’ve been saying it for months. And I don’t think it will be changing anytime soon.

Are you like me? Tired, wiped out, overwhelmed, and starting to feel like someone has been practicing the recorder in your house for a solid 4 months? 

We began this quarantine with a two week prediction of staying at home, isolated with the kids. And now, here we are starting the fall school year with At-Home Learning for the foreseeable future. 

All of this has been hard. Like, figuring out calculus while wrangling a monkey, hard. 

There are no quick solutions, no official end date, no one else who can step in and take over easily.

The responsibilities are falling heavy on us mommas and we are feeling it. 

This isn’t a complaint post. No really!

It’s a reality post. 

It’s a post where I tell you I feel you. 

I am over this, but I can’t be.

I am doing my best, but feel like I am failing.

My house has seen better days.
My kids have seen a LOT of screens.
Our meals have been slightly over carb’d.
And I really would like to through an epic fit over being “forced” to do school at home with my kids!

I know. I am blessed.

We are healthy. 
My husband still has a job. 
I still have coaching clients and blogging contracts.
We have plenty of food. 
We have a house.
I have wine.
We have internet. (THANK GOD!)

All things that I am very thankful for… 

BUT…

I am having days where I seriously question whether or not I have the strength to do all that needs to be done. 

• Whether I will be able to keep my children’s education on track and where it needs to be.
• Whether I will loose my ever-loving-mind listening to my boys talk smack to each other all day every day. 
• Whether I will be sucked into the piles of laundry that need to be washed and put away. 
• Whether I will find the will power to ever cook a healthy meal again, or if we will just live on tacos and mac & cheese and nuggets for the rest of the year…

All of these things and much more all are swirling in my head every day, all day.

Let’s also just bring up the fact that I feel deeply that my children are missing out on part of their childhood. 

Summer had no special trips. 
We have barely left the house.
They have only seen their friends a handful of times. 
School routines and the classmates & teachers they love will be missed terribly.

This and so much more.

They feel it too.

And then I feel it. 

I want to break.

I want A break!

Recently, I was reminded of something I said on my dear friend, Alex’s podcast, The Adoptive Mom. 

In reference to motherhood as an adoptive mom, a biological mom, or any other kid of mom….

“You are stronger then you think you are… But it’s okay not to be.”

It’s true. 

You are so strong, Momma.

Like turn green – Hulk Smash strong!

I am BLOWN away by the women I see on social media, my other mom friends, and women who are plowing through and adjusting, pivoting, making the best out of this crappy year. 

I am inspired.

And when I doubt that I can do the same. I remember, I am stronger than I think I am. I have done harder things than this. I am capable of squeezing out the last drops of sanity and with the help of some really strong coffee, I can find the energy and strength to do what needs to be done. 

AND YOU CAN TOO!

But also…

You don’t have to be strong all the time. 

You don’t have to put on a brave face every day. 

You don’t have to be perfect and Pinterest-worthy.

It’s okay not to be… (you fill in the blank)

Kick the darn mom guilt out of your head. 
Give it a time out. 
Tell it to buzz off. 

Give yourself a huge hug, pat on the back, and fist bump, as your remind yourself you are stronger then you think you are, but it’s okay not be today.

The post Dear Momma, You are stronger then you think you are… appeared first on All My Good Things.

This post is sponsored. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

When you start out on your foster care journey there are a lot of unknowns.  Your main expectation is that you will impact a child’s life and they will impact yours. However, I discovered that there were several unexpected ways my life was impacted for good by becoming a foster parent. 

Our foster care journey began in December of 2015. After a conversation with another foster mom, who bravely shared her story, my husband and I were both on board with finally pulling the trigger and getting our foster care license. 

I literally had no idea where to start! Thankfully, a google search bar and a great Facebook Group for foster parents pointed us in the right direction and we connected with a local foster agency that was more than willing to answer our questions. 

If you are in the Dallas, TX area, I highly recommend Hope Cottage as a starting point for your foster care and adoption journey! They can answer any questions you may have and help you get started with the first steps you will need to take. 

Now here we are, years later and I am sharing this post with you to point out the unexpected ways my life was impacted for good by becoming a foster parent. 

Of course, our three beautiful adopted children are the best blessing, but looking back, I can now see that so much unexpected good came from our time as foster parents.

These are some of the unexpected the ways our life was impacted by foster care:

Awareness for others and our community. 

The situations that bring children into foster care are not always violent. Many times the parents of the children in foster care have been through such hard things that I could never fathom and lack the resources that we have been so blessed with. 

It quickly became obvious that our community and society could change the narrative of so many families with more support and resources.

This inspired me to find more ways to become involved in our community. To be a voice when it comes to supporting resources and systems that help keep children out of foster care in the first place. This starts with our community and doing our part (whether big or small) to help and support families before CPS ever needs to be involved.

A depth of appreciation for those who serve children  

Social workers are some of the most under-appreciated and under-paid people. Right next to teachers, they serve and give in ways that go above and beyond the time-clock. 

Navigating situations where children, families, and lots of emotion is involved is not easy. They show up for the children, support the parents, and advocate for families both foster and biological. 

If you are considering becoming a foster parent the first thing I will recommend is finding a great agency to work with that empowers and supports their social workers. 

Agencies like Hope Cottage are one of those agencies that go above and beyond for their foster families. Their social workers work hard to support their foster children and families. Just visit their website to see the amazing resources they offer their families. 

Hope Cottage is currently celebrating their 102 year anniversary with a 2020 Donation Campaign with a goal of raising $200,000 to be invested directly into all of their programs including those serving foster children and foster families. 

I love supporting non-profit agencies whose mission is to ensure the future of children and families through foster care, adoption, and pregnancy support. Click here to donate now and support them in their mission to strengthen communities and families. 

New life-long friends 

The community of foster families has been one of the most open, embracing, and supportive communities I have ever found. The moment another foster mom and I meet there is an instant bond. The exchange of stories, empathy, support, and phone numbers for texting at any time is readily given. 

I have made some really amazing friends through the foster care system. And they continue to be a wealth of love, information, and support through the years. 

A better understanding of parents of children with special needs

While I did have biological children when I became a foster parent, I had no idea what it was like to parent a child with special needs. 

I am ashamed to admit my ignorance and lack of understanding for families with special needs kids. I was often too quick to judge and slow to offer support. 

Many children who are in the foster care system have special needs ranging from ADHD to Autism to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  These children are not broken. They are some of the most beautiful children I have ever met. And the parents who have willingly opened their home to these children deserve all the love and support we can provide. 

Discovered new strength in myself.

You already know that I won’t lie and tell you that being a foster parent was not hard. 

It is hard. 

It takes commitment. 

It is a sacrifice. 

But, let me tell you, sitting up at midnight with two tiny infants, coaxing them to eat their bottles, rocking them to sleep, soothing their night terrors, and deep-breathing about their unknown future taught me that I was stronger than I knew. 

I look back at how I grew as a mother during our time as a foster family and I am amazed at how I grew. My heart expanded to depths I didn’t know it could and my experience as a mother of children I did not birth gave me a perspective I would never have gained any other way. 

I am forever grateful for the experience as a foster mom that shaped me into the mother and the strong woman that I am today.

Foster Care impacted me in so many ways. I know that if you are on the fence about opening your heart and home you are wondering how it will impact your life. 

There are no guarantees. Every story is different. Each foster child is unique. Every journey takes its own winding path. 

But I can confidently say that it was worth it and the unexpected ways your life will be impacted will surprise you and will be something you will cherish forever.

The post Unexpected Ways My Life Was Impacted For Good by Becoming a Foster Parent appeared first on All My Good Things.

If you love oysters and spinach dip, then this Smoked Oyster Rockefeller Dip will be addicting to say the least. 

My husband is oyster obsessed. If he sees oysters on the half shell anywhere on the menu, you can bet that he will be ordering a dozen. 

His favorite way to eat them is raw with a little horseradish sauce. I like them raw too, but prefer them with a bit of cocktail sauce. Like, good spicy cocktail sauce.

While on one of our dates in 2019, (remember when we could go on dates without worrying about a pandemic?) we saw Oysters Rockefeller on the menu. 

If you have never had Oysters Rockefeller, they are baked oysters in the half shell with spinach and parmesan cheese and cream. Oh. My. God. They are good!

Seriously, we had never had anything like them before. 

First off, they were covered in cheese. You know that cheese makes everything good. 

Second, they were baked! Served warm and fresh, the plate of Rockefeller Oysters was something like we had never had before. 

Fast forward to this past week when we were reminiscing about going on dates and eating oysters, I decided to take matters in my own hands and find a dish that would satisfy our Rockefeller oyster craving.

I couldn’t find fresh oysters at my grocery store, but I did find canned smoked oysters. I was skeptical. 

Canned seafood can make me suspicious. But I was willing to give it a try as it was less than $1.50 a can. 

The smoked oysters were actually VERY delicious straight out of the can! Smokey, flakey cooked oysters that were packed in sunflower oil blew me away as this was my first time having canned oysters. 

Now on to making the Smoked Oyster Rockefeller Dip.

We ate the dip hot out of the oven (burning our mouths because we couldn’t wait for it to cool) and cold the next day. I preferred eating it warm, but I would eat it cold if you brought it to me right now while I am typing this out. 

Serve this dip with toasted baguettes, garlic crackers, or even pretzels!

My husband and I may or may not have scooped a heaping spoonful onto our baked Salmon for dinner last night. It was sooooooooooo good!

The post Smoked Oyster Rockefeller Dip appeared first on All My Good Things.

Foster care. 

Two words that carry a lot of weight. Words that often come with sadness, brokenness, fear, and unknowns. But they are also very special words that represent hope, family, love, and healing. 

You most likely ended up here, reading this article, because you felt that tug on your heart. You saw the need of the 440,000 plus children that come into foster care over the course of a year in the United States. And while that number is staggering, realizing that each one of those represents a child who did not make the choice to be placed in foster care.

There should be no doubt that there is a great need for foster families in every state of our nation. 

But what if you have biological children?  

“Should foster care just be for those that don’t have kids or their kids are out of the house?”
“Isn’t it scary to have both biological kids and foster kids?” 
“What would the effect of being a foster family have on my biological children?”

The above questions and more were all ones that we asked ourselves when we started our journey to become foster parents. 

We were concerned. We were worried. We had a lot to think about. Just like you are right now. 

When we decided to start the foster care licensing process, we had three biological boys, ages 5, 3, and almost 2.

My husband and I both had concerns about how foster care would affect our boys. We were unsure of how we would talk to them about the children who may come into our home. All of the questions and concerns about our hearts being broken by foster care were felt times three with our biological children to consider as well.

While we didn’t have all the answers when we began our foster care journey. We did find some answers and learned a LOT along the way as we became foster parents with biological children.

The number one thing I would share with anyone who asks is that being a foster family gave my children so much!

These are some things that our biological children gained from being foster siblings in our foster family:

• They gained an awareness of others. 

So often children see just themselves. They are usually unaware of any other kind of family unit or family situation than the one they are experiencing themselves. 

Becoming a foster family really opened our bio children’s eyes to the world around them. Seeing for the first time that there were different kinds of families, different kinds of children, and a lot of love to be given and shared.

• They learned about love and giving and sharing. 

The most beautiful thing about seeing our children with their first foster siblings was seeing the love, acceptance, giving and sharing that they gave. 

They learned that sharing simple things like toys and bedroom space was not hard and that they had plenty to share with anyone and everyone. 

• They gained an amazing family. 

Until the point of adoption we talked openly with our children that their foster siblings may not stay in our home forever, but they would always be our brothers and sisters. Adopted or not, the children in our home were family, and always would be.

There were a few things that gave us confidence that becoming a foster family was right for us. Some of them we had in place already, and others we found ourselves. If I had to start all over again I would make all of these priority number one for our family. 

Vital resources for your family when you are fostering with biological children:

• A strong family foundation 

While you don’t have to be the perfect family by any means, you do need to have a solid family unit before becoming a foster family. 

A strong marriage or partner relationship will give you confidence that you are on the same page. And a solid pattern of family communication with your bio children is extremely important. 

Having good (but not required to be perfect) relationships in your immediate family will give you the strength to share the love that the foster children coming into your home will need. 

Being a foster family is not always easy, but you can weather anything when you are working together as a team.

• A great agency

I had no idea how important a good agency would be to our foster care journey. I can’t emphasize enough how vital it is to have an agency that represents the best interest of the foster child and foster family. 

Look for an agency that has many years of experience, has helped both parents and children in their foster care journey, and has a record of successfully reunifying and helping children be adopted into permanent families.

Hope Cottage in Dallas, TX is one of those foster agencies that has a century long reputation for serving families, children, and the community through their resources, programs, and agency.

They are celebrating 102 years of  helping families. They serve women who are pregnant and are in distress, foster families, foster children, adoptive families, and give parenting support. 

An agency like Hope Cottage, has the experience you want to be a part of your team. They will have programs that will support you and your family during your licensing process, during your foster placements, and adoption and beyond. 

A good agency will offer a wide range of services that do not leave you scrambling for help, but rather foresee the needs that will arise and meet you with grace, love, and support.

Hope Cottage is currently celebrating their 102 year anniversary with a 2020 Donation Campaign with a goal of raising $200,000 to be invested directly into all of their programs including those serving foster children and foster families. 

I love supporting non-profit agencies whose mission is to ensure the future of children and families through foster care, adoption, and pregnancy support. Click here to donate now and support them in their mission to strengthen communities and families.  

• Support from friends and family

Not everyone will agree with you or understand your decision to become a foster family. Support from friends and family is crucial to a foster family. We need a strong village of those that love us, will share in our ups and downs, give respite when we need it, emotional support, encouragement, and patience as you navigate your foster care journey as a foster family. 

This will be important for your biological children too. They need to continue to have outside friends and family who are supportive of them and you, as a parent, throughout your foster care journey. 

During our licensing process for foster care and after bringing home our first foster care placements (twin, infant girls) we began an open conversation with our bio children. Of course, they were pretty young at the time, so we had age appropriate conversations. But we wanted to set a precedent for them and our family to have openness, communication, and boundaries that would give our bio children security as well as our foster children. 

These are the values we prioritized with our family:

• Honesty  

Our children had no idea what foster care was. They needed to learn about foster care and what it means for our family. 

Foster care is not adoption. But foster care does mean that they are a part of our family right now and we get to love them. We don’t know the future. We are okay with not knowing and thankful that we can be together today. 

We explained that children come into foster care because their mommy and daddy were having a hard time and we get to help out their family while they get help. 

• Openness 

It was important to use that our bio children and foster children always felt like they could ask us any question and not feel bad. 

We worked to create conversations that allowed them to verbalize their feelings. Just because a child is silent does not mean that they do not have an opinion or questions.

There were times we would just ask the children if they had questions or if they wanted to know anything. While we couldn’t always give them full answers or we didn’t know the answers, it created an atmosphere of openness and communication.

• Availability 

Anytime a new child comes into your home whether biological or foster, your time and attention has to be split a bit more. It’s just reality. It was important to our family to make sure every child knew that mommy and daddy were still available to them any time you needed them.

We worked to give our bio kids assurance that we were not going anywhere. They were still important to us and making sure they had our full attention and could request our attention at any time gave them the assurance that we were still available to help them, give love when they needed it and attention when they requested it.

• Unconditional Love  

As a parent you know that you will love your child no matter what. But our children do not always know that or are not confident in that. 

We purposely speak out-loud “I love you no matter what.” all of the time. It’s a statement I don’t mind repeating too much. And not just speak it, but put into action acceptance, forgiveness, and kindness. 

• Boundaries 

While last on this list, it is not least. Boundaries are important. We let our bio children know that they had personal boundaries that were okay to have. 

“Safe touch” has always been a conversation in our home and we continued to teach it when our foster children were present. It’s an important Your stuff/space. Our stuff/space

Before accepting any foster child placements into our home, our agency encouraged us to think about our family and our needs first. They gave us valuable information that helped us in the process of getting our foster care license.

Here are two things that we were encouraged to consider during our licensing process:

• Birth order 

Did we want to keep birth order for our biological children? 

Meaning, would we accept a child that was older than our oldest? How would we and our bio kids feel about being suddenly the third oldest child instead of the second? 

We went into foster care with the intention to adopt any of our foster children if they were unable to return to their parents. I always want to be clear that reunification is always the goal with foster children until it is absolutely clear that it can’t be. But reality is, there are some cases where it is in the best interest of the child to be placed for adoption with a forever family.

Our hope was to be able to be there for our foster children when the goal was reunification and to be ready to be a forever family for them if it came to that point.

Because we knew that adoption was a possibility at some point, my husband and I discussed at length whether disrupting birth order was something that we were okay with. 

In the end, we decided that we would not disrupt the birth order for our two oldest children. And would consider cases where the foster child was older than our youngest child. 

There is no right or wrong answer to this question. In fact, I know several foster families that have had foster children who were teenagers and biological children who were babies and birth orders of all kinds of ways and they had no issues at all. It’s a personal choice and decision. 

• Trauma  

The second consideration we were encouraged by our agency to think about was trauma. 

Foster care and childhood trauma go hand in hand. And while it is no fault of the foster child it is a reality. We were encouraged to have open and honest communication with our social workers about what trauma needs our family was able to help with and which we were not. 

I do not regret one tiny ounce making the decision to become foster parents with biological children! 

In fact, I count it as one of the best decisions we have ever made as a family. 

There is no “Typical” journey for foster families, but I can confidently say that it is worth it. 

Your journey will most likely take a very different path from our journey, but the foundations are the same. The openness to love is the same. The determination to share your family with another child by choice will still remain the most beautiful and wonderful thing you will do for your family. 

Get the first steps to foster care and adoption HERE.

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