Revisiting things I’ve written yesterday or even several years back has taught me how easily I deceive myself.  It’s frightening how you can have a huge blind spot. Was it something I believed at the time? Did I write what I really wanted to believe or maybe what I wanted others to believe about me? What was I smoking? The Bible says that all of our hearts are deceitful and mine certainly has proven that to me. I think this is very important for me to remember.      

I’m confident I got at least 2 things right in Best When Broken.   I said that if I had the opportunity to go back and never have broken my neck… I wouldn’t. I got this right. If it meant never experiencing the blessings and having the people that are in my life as a direct result of that day? Nope. Never. Even the thought of that frightens me.

I’m almost 100% dependent other people. I need help with the most trivial and I need help with the most personal. Having dependable people in my life is a gift from our always dependable God.        I hate asking for help but I’ve rarely had to ask. Almost all of the people from 41 years ago are still on speed dial. In addition to the originals, we continue to have new friends that always seem to show up at the perfect time. When someone helps me with things that are humiliating… Yet they do it gracefully and act as if they consider it a privilege… It’s overwhelming. I love these people. The friendship becomes something precious. Humiliation can be sweet. They give me a glimpse of the power of God’s grace and help me understand more about the selfless and sacrificial love of Christ… And for almost 35 years there has been one above all others……..what if I had missed Linda?

Secondly I believe the title today more than I did when I wrote the book. If anything it wasn’t strong enough. Maybe “Best When Crushed” would be more accurate. Whether it’s on the bottom of the lake or in a coma, septic with double pneumonia, we all reach a point where the most dependable people in our lives just can’t help us. Your parents, your closest friend or even a loving spouse…. They just can’t help.  

Thanks to mom and dad I memorized Ephesians 3:20 when I was a boy. I thought I believed it… Now I see and experience it on a regular basis.      

Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

I wasn’t going to mention “The Anniversary” to anyone but Linda. I was hoping no one would remember. But from the moment I rolled out of the house, there have been fresh reminders of so many blessings that it would be sinful for me to keep my mouth shut.

Since publishing the book Linda and I have had some amazing experiences. Some were absolutely brutal and others have been blessings beyond reasonableness.  I’m not sure we would have recognized some of the wonderful, if not for the benefit of contrast that sometimes comes through pain.

Much to share in the future but today is about inexplicable joy and overwhelming gratitude.

I’ve had the privilege of telling our story so many times and in so many places I’ve lost count. (I’m currently interviewing candidates to serve as my quadriplegic stunt double!)

After every opportunity… without exception… at least one person has either called, emailed or personally shared something horrific they were living with. I’ve learned that all of us have BROKEN PARTS. It seems the things that hurt the most are not visible to the naked eye. Many have shared heartache and I would not swap places with anyone I’ve met.

The world is broken. Loneliness seems to be at epidemic proportions.

What separates me from every one I’ve met?  Why do I have a story worth sharing?

SIMPLE = MY LOVED ONES.

For 12,411 days in a row I have been dependent on other people for literally helping me stay alive. At times the help I need is personal, embarrassing and humiliating. It may sound dramatic but it’s my reality. Most of the heavy lifting has been taken care of gracefully by Linda. We’ve also been blessed on occasion when people recognize Linda’s weariness and volunteer to pitch in.

But if you know anything about me at all you know we have done much more than simply exist.

EVERYTHING that is worth ANYTHING in my life is due to the grace provided by others.

Having my burdens carried by others began on the bottom of the lake when I cried out to THE FRIEND who loved me the most, knew me most intimately, and had sacrificed His all to pay for my worst. He was there in an instant and took every bit of my fear and burden upon Himself and replaced my mess and my train wreck with a peace that is impossible to comprehend. I had become the kind of friend to Him that only reached out when I needed something. Yet He came in an instant.  Amazing friend.

This side of heaven the thing that probably puts me on my face, humbles me, strengthens me and gives me the most joy is the realization that God has surrounded me with people that love me very much the way He does.

 When you have a friend that is trustworthy with the worst parts of you, you have a friend to“do-life” with.

If you’ve never gone through a period when you stunk it up and became an absolute train wreck due to your own stubborn pride and hard heartedness… Just keep living. The people in your life that are disappointed, angry and even blow up on you, but continue to love you, are the ones to cherish.

If you have heard me speak or read the book you know I talk pretty openly about some of the struggles and heartache. Well, truth be told I left out many episodes and cleaned up some of the hard details. I’ve come to realize that by doing this it is impossible to fully understand the extent of which friends, family and sometimes acquaintances stepped up for me…. I’ll save that for another day.

The only thing about the book I’m certain I got 100% right was the title. I know the path to joy begins with a humble brokenness, but my heart is bent toward hardness and at times it needs radical surgery. It is so easy to accumulate possessions, places and people that will suck the joy out of your life and try to bury you when you stumble. These accumulations can deceive, manipulate and take you places you thought impossible. These need to be pruned and amputated and that seems to be the recurring theme of my life.

I have never been the victim of anyone but myself. I know better but I am prone to wander and accumulate.

Pruning is painful but it clears the view and helps you see things more clearly. It also makes room for The Best.

Gracious Lord, thank you for gently breaking me and for pruning me.  Thank you for helping me clearly recognize the precious treasures in my life. Help me to be a blessing to them like they are to me! Thank you for giving me 34 wonderful years and help me live whatever’s left in a way that would be pleasing to you and a blessing to others.

“I had only heard of you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.” Job 42:5 – 6

Scott Coleman figured he had a story to tell.

The longer he lived, the more the story took Coleman out of his comfort zone as a successful financial advisor with a loving wife and a comfortable home adjacent to the 18th green at an Olive Branch golf course.

On a warm June day in 1980, Coleman, who was 17 at the time, broke his neck in a skiing accident at Sardis Lake, an accident that led to months of rehabilitation. He remembers being one of 18 quadriplegic patients in the hospital. Of those 18, he says, only he and one other are still alive.

It was time to let others who may be in similar circumstances know there is hope.

via Olive Branch man recounts long, inspirational journey back from accident » The Commercial Appeal.

The quickest way to “Joy” for me is when I’m intentional about expressing gratitude. But it’s a daily struggle. Recently while in Orange Beach, Alabama, I had the opportunity to spend some time alone and found a spot with not only an incredibly beautiful view, but the breeze was nothing less than perfect. After a few moments the “noise” I typically carry around everywhere I go began to disappear. It was one of those moments, in one of those spots, where I just became overwhelmed at God’s goodness and beauty of His creation.

I started noticing young men and women “zip” by on a jet ski or a sailboat. I’m embarrassed to admit that I would occasionally feel a bit of jealousy or maybe self-pity, regretting I couldn’t participate. I would capture the thought as quickly as I could and recover.

I remember thinking how wonderful I felt…inside and out. My father-in-law walked by and decided to sit and visit with me for a while. My first thought was that I regretted no longer being alone. We talked for a minute and I began pointing at certain things I had noticed and was describing in great detail everything I was enjoying so much. Suddenly I realized that instead of looking at anything I was directing him to, he was looking at me. What was happening? When I finally took a breath and stopped talking, he took the opportunity to tell me how much he appreciated how descriptive I was. He literally was unable to see anything beyond a few feet in front of him. My father-in-law has macular degeneration, and is losing his vision. He no longer
can enjoy so much that he and I have always cherished.

It was one of those moments that the Lord frequently uses to bring my life back into focus. My father-in-law Charlie and I have always enjoyed reading about and discussing any topic we found fascinating. I honestly believe he became a doctor for the most noble reason. It had nothing to do with the financial rewards, and everything to do with the combination of his desire to genuinely help others, and “scratch the itch” God gave him to be perpetually curious. Soon he will no longer be able to read.

I’ve now added “eyesight” to my daily “gratitude” list.

Approximately one year after my accident I hit rock bottom spiritually and emotionally. I was a senior in high school and was horrified by my prospects. I was so prideful that I would roll through the day with a fake smile on my face, but as soon as the lights were out and I was in bed alone, I would start mentally counting all of the “can not’s” in my life. I can’t feel anything from my neck down. I can’t control my bowels. I can’t control my bladder. I can’t bathe myself. I can feed myself. I cannot sit in a chair for even two hours without passing out. I can feed myself. I’ll never be able to drive myself…The list got longer, and I got lower.

I would begin to pray and that would lead to crying. The crying always led to cursing. I was angry at me and I was angry at God. No hope and certainly no future. I cried out to my parents and asked them to bring me my Bible and then leave me alone. I had been in church all my life but had neglected any regular Bible study. I had no idea where to begin. Out of frustration and the inability to easily turn the pages, I would raise my right arm and smack the Bible in one direction or the other. I remembered hearing about a guy named Job. He had evidently had a few bad things happen to him. It took me forever to turn the pages to the beginning of his story.

He was a train wreck—lost his family, his friends, his wealth, and his health. At the beginning of the book, he is sitting in a pile of ashes, scraping boils off his body with some broken pottery. His encouraging wife comes by and makes a sarcastic remark about his God. I know how I would’ve responded to that woman, and I was hoping Job was about to stick it to her. Instead, Job stuck with God. I hated Job! I wanted him to lash out. I wanted him to curse God and everyone around him. I wanted him to justify everything I was thinking and praying. I hated Job … but I kept reading.

I remember thinking, Yeah, but Job wasn’t a seventeen-year-old quadriplegic with no future. But I kept reading and literally wrestling with God. I have never audibly heard the voice of God, but that night, through the book of Job, I was reminded who God was and who I was. While I was telling God that I couldn’t do this and I couldn’t do that, He clearly spoke to me through His Word and said, “I never asked you to do any of that. All I ever asked was that you trust me.”

The Creator of the universe has given me the permission and the privilege of not worrying about my future. I am simply to trust Him with it.

My prayer that night and to this day has been, “Lord, forgive me for not keeping my eyes on you. I do not feel like it. The circumstances do not make sense to me. I am clueless. I am helpless. But I am going to trust you, and I am going to trust you with my today, my tomorrow, and my eternity.” The following morning the “can’t do” list had not changed, but the most important thing in my life had changed. My focus had changed from my limitations and inabilities to God’s omnipotent power and possibilities.

I’ve lost the ability to go more than about one mile an hour. I’ve come to appreciate this as a blessing. It has become such a noisy and busy world that we frequently rush by some of the biggest blessings and opportunities for refreshment.

My wife and I crave time in the wilderness alone and with our best friends. When is the last time and how often are you truly alone? When is the last time you even spent 30 minutes alone with a friend, totally inaccessible by any form of communication to the rest of the world? I believe you can learn more about a person in the wilderness, even if for only a short time, than you can know about the same person in other settings for several days in a row. I go to the wilderness to recharge my batteries, draw closer to friends and closer to my Creator.

I love to ride through the woods very slowly and stare at everything from trees to critters. On a piece of property where I spend a tremendous amount of time, there is a very ugly patch of ground. For years we rushed past this place so we could get to the next pretty patch of woods. One day, instead of focusing on what I consider a scar in the land, I happened to raise my eyes and look up beyond the area we were hurrying through. Amazing! When I changed my focus, when I lifted my eyes and looked beyond where I currently was, I saw the most incredible view from the ugly sandpit. I had never noticed that the area
was elevated quite a bit and offered a spectacular view where you could see untouched forest for what had to be 20 or 30 miles

What a wonderful experience. A place we rarely even considered became a place we intentionally spend time because we slowed down and changed our focus.

Every time I lose my way, whether I am on the pavement or in the wilderness, if I will intentionally changed my focus and begin to count the blessings that God has given me, I am overcome by God’s goodness and the reality that He knows me by name.

32 years ago at the age of 17, I took my last steps and have since lived life as a quadriplegic. James Taylor wrote, “every now and then the things I lean on lose their meaning, and I find myself careening, into places that I should not let me go…”.

It is such a “noisy” world, and I frequently forget how blessed I am. I frequently forget all of those wonderful blessings that I “lean on”, and I lose my way.

A funny thing happened over the last several years while I was trying to write a book about my life (available in fine bookstores everywhere very very soon :-)! In trying to write about me, all I could think about was everyone else in my life….. Every word. Every letter. Every note. Every joke. Every Hug. Every kiss. Everything, anyone sent in my direction to encourage or simply say “hello, you were on my mind today”! I remember many things I had completely forgotten about.

When I am reminded of where I am in life versus what the experts predicted, I want to shout from the mountaintop and brag on my God, my family and my friends. So I’ve written a book, and now evidently am going to be writing a blog. Even posting on Facebook is a bit outside my comfort zone, so even though my friends have wanted me to write a book for many years I just couldn’t get enthusiastic about it.

But even strangers are telling me that they think I got it right… I finally have pointed the finger away from me, and given credit where credit is deserved.

So let the enthusiastic mountaintop shouting commence ASAP!

While trying to write I frequently have been crying and I’ve not been able to really figure out why. Poor Linda. But I think it all came together for me in the way it always has.

Selfish pride and enjoying attention came on my radar through circumstances, conversation and contemplation. Then I started reading the Bible.

One night I read dozens of chapters in Psalms that were written by David. If you did not know the man you would wonder if he was a flake, manic depressive, or having a mental breakdown. His highs were incredibly high, and his lows were devastating. I’d not been sure what was going on inside of me, but evidently King David was experiencing some of the same kind of stuff.

Eureka! I honestly believe that you never get to experience the full joy of your salvation until you come to a proper understanding of filthy rags and who you really are. The irony of the Christian life is sometimes… well, most of the time if not always the journey on the way to joy sometimes begins with a visit to the dung heap that is me. And then when I consider how much God loves me to do what he did for me in all my worthlessness…

All of a sudden I remembered that God says in his word, “You can do nothing apart from Me”. But what does “nothing” mean……Hmmmm? Well, “nothing” means by golly nothing! So I have been “trying” with all of my own effort, creativity, strength, cleverness and it just occurred to me that exactly what I’m trying to communicate in the book is… I do not have what it takes and have never had what it takes…

When I get out of God’s way… Focus on him… Take inventory and realize I am nothing… I become broken…

When this happens God gives me purpose, power, passion, productivity and overwhelming joy.

I am definitely “BEST WHEN BROKEN”…