Any mishandling of this sensitive relation can create a gulf between them and sometime concluding in breach between the parties tied in this agreement. The cycle of generation remains in continuations in result of this new patch up.

This ceremonial bond is almost an integral part of every religion. Only the difference in customs and religion makes it different in different culture. But Islam has its credit in formulating this union as a relation of love and credibility. Islam has also provided a way out in condition of miss adjustment but it is its ultimate remedy abhorred by Holy Prophet. It is the most detestable action in Islam. But unfortunately; the trend of divorce is rapidly up surging in our society. The worse is that it is usually demanded by girls who are ready for new match. Are these signs of day of doom? Are we going towards moral and ethical degradation and downfall?

Divorce although is halal but is highly condemnable act which has been asked to avoid in any case. To avoid divorce, the role of elders cannot be left behind. No matter how modern our society gets and however freedom we gain, divorce will always remain a despicable thing.

The multiple reasons of annulment of marriages are debatable but not justifiable. Underage marriages have been targeted by various schools of thought as a primary cause of early dissolution of marriages. But now this factor is in background and lot of new intrigue elements are prevailing. Rather it is taking the form of fashion to remarry. Only trivial and trifling matters become motive for breaking the strong bond of marriage. Not only in illiterate societies but also in most literate and civilized communities.

This curse is casting its heinous shades. Once it was a symbol of damnation for both the families. A rough calculation and various surveys highlight that more than 30 percent marriages are detached before two years without solid grounds. How poor!

Rapid influx of foreign elements and penetration of western culture through social media and other digital media added fuel to the fire. The destiny from Dish antenna to 4G technology has brought along with a lot of catastrophic tools for the Muslim culture. Diverse culture and amalgam of varied civilizations is creating new chances of breaking the old ideals of urbanity.

Our dramas have no other themes than displaying issue of second marriage and separation. These plays are hitting immature and teenage minds and they are badly influenced by such scenes. The young girls are not trained to understand the original meaning of marriage. They consider it the game of dolls. Social norms and traditional values of families are fading away and are being replaced by so-called modern and snobbish families. Great expectations in love marriages breed chaos and mental agony for both the partners. Dissolution of marriages in these cases is due to nonsupport of families on either side.

Last but not least is the job of female resulting in detachment of marriages. Girls having own income and working outside the home is formidable hurdle in appropriate proceeding of family matters and grooming the offspring. If both partners are in a job the situation becomes even intense for the young ones. In case of joblessness of male, the domination of female is natural one and instinct nature of male domination is pinched. He feels disgraced and degraded at each and every moment and consequently gets rid of this formal relation by saying good bye to this frail bond.

The earning woman is not reluctant to this break up. She prefers to live alone with her pay rather than her partner. The ratio of divorce of employed women is more than any other type of women. Sorry to say, there is no feeling of regret or remorse on either side.

Even the involvement of elders is equal to zero in case of reconciliation or resolving the issue. Such a minor differences result in extreme decision. Great expectations in love marriages breed chaos and mental agony for both the partners. Marriages outside the family create misunderstanding and consequently results in early break ups.

Fragmentation of family bond is expanding rapidly. Respect and dignity of relations have no existence in present social fiber. The glorious traditions of family ties seem to be ceasing now owing to early damages to newly built nests. Our media should revise its policy of dramatization of scenes of divorce.

It ought to discourage this trend by producing healthy and thought-provoking plays. The basic objective of literature should be kept in mind which propagates instructions and moral lesson to correct the inconsistent elements of society. Free flow of alien cultural absorption should be checked and media should be alert to this sensitive issue.

Even in Christianity, the process of disowning is not permitted in society except in some unavoidable circumstance. We all should play our positive role to convert houses into homes. The intelligentsia of our time must intervene and tackle the situation by writing against far-reaching consequences of this trend of divorce in society. It can undermine the social structure and then collapse the priceless moral standards of Islamic society. Let’s be aware of this grave issue in time otherwise every family will suffer it in case of nonchalance in handling this tense situation.

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One of the key factors that have been the reason of increasing number of divorce rates is the lack of Relationship Compatibility. According to Dr. Lisa Firestone, a Psychologist, Compatibility exists when couple treats each other with respect and equality, they share companionship and activities. Incompatibility is a subjective term, and it can mean many things depending on one’s marriage. It can be a situation, where you married a person at a young age, when your ideas of life were different but with the passage of time it appears differently. Your personality and beliefs might not b e the same as before.

Muslims are urged to maintain peace and harmony in their matrimonial relations. According to the study conducted by Mr. Ilyas Ba-Yunus conducted in 1990, the divorce rates among the North American Muslim community stood at 31.14% which was far greater than the rest of the Muslim countries.

There may be event when one social belief may create problem for his/her partner. This may involve the society, culture, ethnicity, religion they share. The incompatibility may also raise due to the fair y tale expectations of the couple for themselves or for their spouse. This is specially the case in a society where it is assumed by default the role of specific gender for example, women will act as housewife etc.

The issue of Relationship Compatibility has the same impact on the Muslim community around the world as faced by the rest of the world, despite of the fact that religiously divorces (Talaq), though Halal (an acceptable Act ac cording to Sharia Law), is considered to be most awful thing to do. Muslims are urged to maintain peace and harmony in their matrimonial relations. According to the study conducted by Mr. Ilyas Ba-Yunus conducted in 1990, the divorce rates among the North American Muslim community stood at 31.14% which was far greater than the rest of the Muslim countries.

One of the article published in 2017 ranked the Arab countries by divorce rates, among which Jordan top the list by 2.6 per 1000 residents, Kuwait 2.2 per 1000 residents and list goes on.

There have been many solutions to the problem, such as early education about the importance of marriages in Islam, the role of man and woman, Premarital Counseling and the proper understanding of each other’s world view before marriage so that the compatibility can be achieved.

We are fortunate to live in the times when technological advancements have altered our way of living. Taking opportunity, a startup named Muslim Better Half comes with the idea that aims to solve the compatibility issue.
The aim is to provide opportunities to prospective couples to find their compatible better half based on the pre-defined set of logical traits backed by an expert Couple Therapist, coupled with the power of data mining, and A .I algorithm to give a user the best possible Match. Further, unlike other match making apps, Muslim Better Half not only provides a platform to discover the prospective Matches, but one can get endorsement of its guardians or parents (a normal practice in Muslim community especially in Sub continent).

The mission of Muslim Better half is to disrupt the conventional method of Match making based on location, through it’s A.I algorithm, enticing features, and lucrative marketing campaign for the Muslim community.

The post The Increasing Trend of Divorces and the Technological Solution appeared first on Dunya News Blogs.

Social relationships play a vital role in health and wellbeing, and it follows that loss experiences like marital relations can be highly stressful for some people.

The experience of separation or divorce confers risk for poor health outcomes, including a 23% higher mortality rate. However, most people cope well and are resilient after their marriage or long-term relationship ends. Despite the fact that resilience is the most common response, a small percentage of people (approximately 10–15%) struggle quite substantially, and it appears that the overall elevated adverse health risks are driven by the poor functioning of this group. 

Many of our most deeply felt emotions are expressed in the context of close relationships like marriage, and relationship stress or loss can be profoundly difficult for some people.

Nearly three decades of research evaluating the impact of family structure on the health and well-being of children also demonstrates that children living with their married, biological parents consistently have better physical, emotional, and academic well-being. 

Two large meta-analyses, one reported in 1991 and the other reported ten years later in 2001, showed that “children with divorced parents continued to score significantly lower on measures of academic achievement, conduct, psychological adjustment, self-concept, and social relations” (Amato and Keith 1991; Amato and Booth 1997 as quoted in Amato 2001).

With facts and figures rising from different research by the scientific community on the negative impact of divorce in mind, we need to delve into the pattern and highlight predictors that result in divorce or separation in marital bliss.

Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington has done extensive research on what causes a marriage to work. You may know Dr. John Gottman as “the guy that can predict divorce with over 90% accuracy.” His life’s work on marital stability and divorce prediction has been well documented in the American national media. He and his team have also arrived at some important conclusions as to what causes divorce. From their research, they have found four predictors of divorce. Based on these four factors, which they call ” The Four Horsemen of Apocalypse “, they can predict with more than 90℅ accuracy who will divorce. These four predictors of divorce are

Criticism: Communication comes across as attacking your partner’s personality. It is often stated in universal terms – ” You never” or “You’re too lazy”. The complaint against something a partner has done is voiced as an attack against the personality of the partner rather than the deed. These harsh personal criticism of other partner which become harsher when more a spouse feels his or her complaints go unheard or ignored. Women are more likely to criticize their husbands in return husband’s start to stonewall and shot up of heart rate of wife’s are recorded as a consequence signaling high distress.

Contempt: Any statement or non-verbal behavior that tries to elevate ourselves to a higher ground, spouse shows disrespect to partner’s feelings and emotions by put-downs, mocking, rolling your eyes, sneering. When one spouse shows this expression of contempt, the other, in an emotional exchange, registers a jump in heart rate of two or three beats per minute. Gottman found, if a husband shows contempt regularly, his wife will be more prone to a range of health problems, from frequent colds and flu to bladder and yeast infections, as well as gastrointestinal symptoms. And when a wife’s face show disgust, a near cousin of contempt, four or more times within a fifteen minutes conversation, it is a silent sign that the couple is likely to separate within four years. In contempt, a person focuses on the qualities they dislike in their partner and builds up these qualities in their mind. You think yourselves as superior and treat your partner as inferior.

Defensiveness: Countering a perceived attack often with a defensive counter-attack. The negative communication is escalated and goes out of control. When we become defensive, we don’t take any responsibility for the part we play in the negative communication. We always think that it is our partner fault and we are the victims, not focusing on the part played by us in a bad case scenario or what steps we could take to stop situations to get out of hand.

Stonewalling: Avoiding contact and engagement with the spouse so that he/she feels ignored or invalidated, often results in non-cooperation. The stonewaller just goes blank and as a result, withdraws from the conversation by not responding and without any expression. Stonewalling is the alarm that signals extreme trouble in marital relations. In 85% of cases, stonewallers are men. On the continuous basis, it is devastating for the health the of relationship. It cuts off all possibility of working out disagreements in the relationship through conversation.

One study of 373 newlywed couples, for example, found that couples who yelled at each other, showed contempt for each other, or shut off the conversation about an issue within the first year of marriage were more likely to divorce as far as 16 years down the road.

Divorce and parental separation are damaging to children, families, the economy, and society as a whole.

Therefore, it is both responsibility of men and women as the parent, social being, citizen, member of the community to try to minimize the rising number of divorce which would be ultimately beneficial for all.

We need to be emotionally intelligent to tackle this threat and also educate our childrens.  Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling needs to be end in the marital relationship. So that the demon of increasing divorce rate could be annihilated.

Here’s the good news. Dr. Gottman’s ability to predict divorce is contingent on behaviors not changing over time. So, first, we need to change our behavior against our spouses and try to deal them gently and kindly, starting from hearing their side of the story as civilized and normal communication is necessary ingredients of all types of relationship. Try to suppress feelings of anger, disgust and animosity in our relations and need to point out bad deeds in one another by not attacking the personality of our partners, just to remind them, how good they are but only need little work on certain areas for further improvement. To stop a relation from falling apart continuous efforts are required from both sides, it’s not one time or one sided game.

Remember that children learns to how to deal emotions from their parents, if they experience such type of negative feelings in their early age, it will be harbinger of trouble in their relations in future and therefore, it is mutual responsibility of both partner to remain modest and learn to compromise for well-being and better future of children.

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