|Offer - Things to Consider If you're Intending A Skiing Lake Tahoe Vacation - Brunswick Cache Translate Page||
Getting older does not mean staying cooped up inside property all day with absolutely nothing to do but knit only two slippers.
These ambushes frequently leads to a violent strike and a strong-willed fight you should be ready for.
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|Today’s Rental “Swann Street is a luxurious, private and comfortable retreat in the heart of U Street/14 Street corridor” Cache Translate Page||This rental is located at 1432 Swann Street, NW. The Craigslist ad says: “$1950 / 1br – 750ft2 – Renovated 1 Bedroom Apartment – U Street This one bedroom apartment...|
|Awful Farts Apparently Ruined A Girls Night In Portland Cache Translate Page||Another classic showed up on Maine's Craigslist this weekend, about how 'awful farts' ruined a girls night in Portland's Old Port
|[ Marriage & Divorce ] Open Question : Please help? Cache Translate Page||remember craigslist personals, I found out my husband was not only looking at other people, but emailing them telling them he wanted to have sex with them as well, he did this SEVERAL times. when craigslist disappeared I breathed a sigh of relief, but now he is at it again, on a site almost identical to craigslist, I confronted him about it, and he said it was "bs" and acted like it was nothing, and got mad because I have not wanted to sleep with him since. I know most self respecting women would not put up with this type of behavior, but we have 3 children together been married almost 12 years I do love him,,, what should I do? HELP|
|Please Help... or call me a fag. Cache Translate Page||Alright guys, very rarely do I have to ask for help but I'm begging anyone.. Anyone with the know how to track down the person who made this craigslist post please help me. This gear was stolen from my car early Sunday morning after my band had a show and I went to grab a bite to eat. I came back to my car and it was completely empty. The police are not helping me at all and I only have limited time before he either dumps the gear somewhere or sells it. This post was put online but was almost immediately taken down because my band has a decent presence in Pittsburgh and thousands of poeple knew it was mine and were on the lookout. Please... anyone with decent skills at finding people i ask you to do so. I will even pay out a reward of $200 to anyone who gives me enough info to get this person. I lost my entire life this past weekend (not as bad as many, many others but losing $5k worth of live music gear hurts...) |
TLDR: TRACK THIS **** TO WHERE HE ***** AND ILL PAY YOU!
|Awful Farts Apparently Ruined A Girls Night In Portland Cache Translate Page||Another classic showed up on Maine's Craigslist this weekend, about how 'awful farts' ruined a girls night in Portland's Old Port
|Re: Backyard sport court, turf, etc Cache Translate Page||There are places out there (I saw on craigslist near philly) that sell used astroturf for pretty cheap. |
I am thinking that what you need to do is address the drainage, why is it damp. Do the gutters drain there, if so put in some 4'' perforated pipe and direct the water away from that area.
You could do a base like a paver stone patio. Dig down 6-8'' put in Modified (its 2'' rock with dust) pack and pack. Then put a 1'' layer of sand (we did this with pavers, not sure if you would need that much with the turf), packed again and done. This give you a nice sturdy base. But if its damp, you need to address where the water is coming from otherwise you will have a mud pit.
|Comment on sarah-bartholomew-pottery-barn-entry-console-white-table-foyer-rattan-mirror by Katie Armour Taylor Cache Translate Page||Cheryl - I would just search for a Queen Anne console table on your local Craigslist or on eBay or Etsy. Hope this helps!|
|One-Hundred Per Cent Cache Translate Page|
The initiation of this project was my response to my parents dying, my marriage ending, and my fear that I was closing down emotionally. I had situated myself geographically (the void) where I could easily prepare for a sort of social death in a humorless apartment with my two awful cats, close enough to work to not have to travel too far in ice or snow, and far enough away to get some exercise. My neighborhood, if you can call it that, is filled with young families with far too many children, young, under-educated people trying to strike out on their own, and very old people who seem happy enough to patiently observe death approaching. My proximity to the shooting range behind my apartment and its steady stream of gunfire is an unvarying reminder that I have settled for a life which is a preparation for death. Fortunately, inhabiting the intermittent quiet of complacency was not as easy as I had imagined; I could not watch death approach as the older people could, and it seemed that to my surprise, I would choose life, via the Craigslist dating boards.
Many of my friends warned me that this would not be safe or even effective, but I was in a place where I felt I had little left to lose. Two of the three people in the whole world who had to love and support me had just died, and I had left the other with the break up of my marriage. The men I chose to date forced me to dig deep and remember who I was, and more importantly, who I might want to be. The dates gave me a reason to travel outside of the void, to travel outside of my comfort zone, and to remember me.
While many of the people I dated were not my type, it didn’t matter, in fact, I actually learned the most from those who were in some way jarring or surprising. There is a certain rush that comes with having one’s world view questioned by an almost complete stranger: Initially, you write off the question with judgment, obviously the person who questioned you is an idiot. But, after several days pass, and you are no longer forced to look the fool in the eye, you reconsider, and you begin to realize how tenuous your belief system is. On several occasions, my dates would lament the fact that it was so hard to find “someone like me”. While I certainly shared their sentiment, I started to question the logic. If I grew more when I was with people who were different from me, if I was able to question my world view because I was exposed to an individual who saw things differently, how was this of lesser value than being with someone who only served to fortify a belief system which could do with some healthy questioning time and again? Why, if I am to believe that I am a stable person, can I not endure the proximity of someone who is different from me? Is this my real fear, that I am wrong?
People travel the world to find themselves, to interact with individuals from different cultures, to eat food that is foreign to them, and to live in a way that takes them out of their comfort zones. I wonder though, if that isn’t a “safe” way to meet people. If, by traveling thousands of miles to interact with people who are different, you aren’t subliminally sending yourself the message that they have less to do with you than the guy across the street who plays his awful music too loud on the weekends. Is it the geographic proximity of strange that keeps us from being open to them? Is the real fear that I will find out that I have more in common with the couples with too many kids and the old people waiting to die than I want to admit? What would happen, if instead of judging people I have the inclination to write off, I gave them and myself an opportunity to know each other?
I thought I wanted to be in a place where I would stop questioning my actions and motives, but what I realize is, much like getting used to the death of a loved one, I must get used to the questions that contradict my world view. It is the opposite of the social death I had planned for myself when I moved to the void, and a path that might show me that instead of having people in my life who have to love me, it might feel just as good to have people in my life that want to love me.
|Date #15: Outside the Box Cache Translate Page|
There I was, four hours into my date, sitting in a booth in the neon and poster-adorned sports bar at Red Robin at Mall 205, as Tony, number 15 of 20, told me why it was so important to tie someone up properly when participating in a bondage session with a significant other.
After the break-up with Seven I was very eager to get back on the bicycle, so I posted another ad on Craigslist and kept it even more vague than previous posts, something about casual dating and a bit about a blog I was writing. I immediately received several hits, and lined up four dates for the weekend. This was the first and it was on a Thursday. Tony had sent an email, and after I sent one back with my picture attached, he asked, “How fit are you?” To which I replied, “Extremely.” When I asked him the same question, he replied that he was a 6.785 on a scale of 1 to 10, not at all inconsistent with the attitudes I had perceived in other men who demanded their dates look perfect while they carried around a 15 to 20 pound spare tire. We also chatted a bit after the initial emails and he let me know he was interested in meeting intelligent people who could “think outside the box.” This is a phrase which in my opinion is used by people who are familiar with the phrase, but quite comfortable with the little area they have artfully arranged for themselves within the box. At the time I assumed that Tony was not an exception, but then again, I had no idea how fond he was of ropes and knots.
I should have suspected something when we were first setting up the date. It was of course his suggestion to go to Red Robin, not exactly an “out of the box” type of place, but by this point in my dating career, I had given up trying to educate people about the evils of multinational corporate non-food. During the chat, he had proven himself at least intelligent, someone who had done and seen many things and more importantly, could spell and construct a sentence correctly. He kept disappearing from the chat room though, each time saying that it was the IT guy fixing stuff on the computer. It was at night, a time I thought strange for an IT guy to be working.
I arrived at the Robin a bit early, which gave me plenty of time to watch the TV behind the bar and keep up on the breaking news which outlined the death of Michael Jackson. I ordered a Cosmopolitan and watched as Al Sharpton spoke and held up a picture of him, Michael, Janet, and Quincy Jones. I had to wonder what was going on with
Tony showed up a bit late, and as he walked toward me, he reminded me a bit of a guy in the mafia; very clean cut, dark hair slicked back behind a slightly receding hairline, pressed pleated slacks and a tightly tucked polo. He was texting as he walked in and barely looked at me as he sat down. His knuckles, in contrast to his very Anglo complexion, were dark brown. I fleetingly wondered if they had been stained by the blood of his victims over the years. The waitress came right over and he ordered, told me he had left his wallet in the car, got up and walked out. I sat there truly believing he was not coming back. I hoped that the Cobb salad that he ordered was good, but then again, it was Red Robin, how good could it possibly be?
To my surprise, Tony walked back in, minutes later, still texting, still looking like a mafia guy. He sat down and immediately it was intensely awkward. This of course is pretty standard, it is usually tough in the beginning, but I believe it was obvious to both of us that we were not each other’s type. There we sat, me in a brown cardigan over my orange bike jersey, hair quite messy from the ride, and across the table, a perfectly coiffed, uptight and distracted middle aged man, who every so often glanced at his cell phone. He half-way apologized for texting and checking his phone during the date, but it did not keep him from doing it continuously throughout.
Within a half-hour we both loosened up and started talking about random things, Tony was a mortgage broker who was starting his own company, relentlessly working and trying to find a LTR with someone who wouldn’t need him constantly. He of course wanted to know about what had happened with all of my previous dates, so I gave him the high points, ending with the series of events which led Seven to break up with me. “Wasn’t that the name of a Star Trek character?” I looked at him quizzically, “You mean Seven of Nine?” I asked, not quite believing that this was his first response to a story which included a cult leader, a Grampa and a hippie. “Yeah, Seven of Nine!” he responded enthusiastically. I was starting to see where his head was at, and not surprisingly, it seemed firmly rooted within the box. Tony was the kind of person who knew about a lot of different things; human biology, the three types of chocolate, Star Trek, but the whole thinking on a human level thing was kind of lost on him.
Then he went back to my date with Hugh and his girlfriend, who was a BDSM enthusiast. “Do you know why people like being tied up?” he asked, and without skipping a beat, replied to his own inquiry, “It’s a control thing, not a sex thing.” I started to suspect which box he was thinking outside of. He launched into a half-hour monologue about the importance of tying a person up correctly, how in some people’s brains the pleasure and pain centers are sometimes right next to each other if not overlapping, and that he knew I was someone who would like being bitten, having my hair pulled, and yes, even being tied up. I was not sure how to take this; was it a complement, a prediction, a simple observation? I also suddenly realized that my face probably displayed a look of confusion and shock on it, so I changed it immediately to one which reflected pleasant surprise.
At about this point the waitress came by and told us that they were closing. I knew by the way Tony kept his eyes on her ass all night that she was more his type. He had also gone out of his way to mention that he liked her lime green tipped acrylic nails. Evidently Red Robin was no longer allowing their staff to wear ostentatious acrylic nails. She was showing her disapproval by wearing these lime green things. Tony showed support by commiserating with her, and stating that “It’s not like Red Robin is a Stanford’s or
All in all, it was not a distasteful evening, so I was not surprised when I received texts, emails, and invitations to chat from Tony the next day. I figured he was just working up to asking me to have sex with him, so I chatted amicably until the question appeared. When I told him no, however, he followed it up by asking if he could tie me up in a “safe, non-sexual way.” It was nice to be able to laugh my ass off in the comfort of my own home while texting back, “I will have to think about it.” I wasn’t quite ready to think outside of this particular box.
|Date #11: Bush League Cache Translate Page|
I was to meet Roger at Gino’s in Sellwood; an Italian place that he said was one of his favorites. It was an unseasonably warm Friday evening and I had ridden my bike down from my Naturopath appointment ahead of schedule in order to cool down and change before the date started. Sadly, I had just been told I was gluten intolerant; not the best news to get right before eating at an Italian restaurant. I went to The Ugly Mug, my friend’s café which is down the street from Gino’s. I was hoping to find her there and hang out for a bit, but alas, the lady working the counter told me she was going for a bike ride, so I just ordered an herbal mint iced tea and sat and waited. I am convinced there is a special place in hell reserved for people who only occasionally keep in touch with their good friends, where I am sure I will be, with bells on. She will also be there, of course, as she is just as bad at keeping in touch as I am, though this does not justify my inability to communicate with my friends.
I walked down to Gino’s shortly before it was time to meet Roger. As I walked into the bar of the restaurant and looked around, I realized I had no recollection of who I was looking for. I am bad at looking at my dates’ pictures after the initial “Does he have crazy eyes?” inspection. What I knew about Roger was that he was 50, had two daughters who were in college, owned his own machine shop, his own plane, went skiing a lot, had traveled all over the world, and lived on Lake Oswego. I was starting to realize through my experiences on Craigslist that I am not very comfortable with people who have money. It could be due to the fact that I worked in Lake Oswego at a chocolate café where I experienced a level of obtuse soullessness which whittled away my faith in humanity bit by bit over a period of 24 excruciatingly long months. This already intolerable situation was made worse by the fact that the company was owned by the daughter of Columbia Sportswear Founder Gert Boyle. A piece of advice: if you ever have an opportunity to work for a company owned or run by the son or daughter of a business tycoon, run as far and as fast as you can, screaming, if possible. There are obvious exceptions to this rule, but in general, these people have no idea what it is to work or be a working person, so you could perceivably find yourself in the uncomfortable situation where you are being regaled with stories of new ponies and brand new four story homes on 20 acre lots while you are working your 13th day straight because you need the overtime in order to earn the money for the medical procedure you have to pay for yourself because you have no insurance. While I am not sure this experience alone created my Pavlovian skin crawling reaction to rich people, I know for a fact it didn’t help.
I was standing in the bar of Gino’s looking around for someone who might recognize me, and in walks Roger. He looked like your typical middle aged man: grey hair artfully combed to the side, glasses, slight pot belly, beige Hawaiian shirt with huge beige Hawaiian flowers on it, and, there, growing out of and around his nostrils, mammoth and unruly NOSE HAIRS. I had to stifle the laughter threatening to spring from my belly initially, but the very next second what had been laughter was replaced by a heavy sorrow as I realized I would have to sit across from him and eat while looking at those things. I was definitely not ordering anything with angel hair pasta.
As it was such a beautiful evening, we were seated at a table outside, and he ordered a beer and the Cioppino, and I ordered wine and the salmon. Initially he had suggested that we split the Cioppino, but because it was served on pasta, and because he had huge protruding nose hairs, I could not bring myself to do it. As we talked to each other we both looked away intermittently; me for obvious reasons, and him, well, I can only assume he was put off by the fact that I had not gotten my eyebrows done. Every time I looked at him the words “nose hairs” kept repeating in my head. It was quite a challenge to listen to what he was saying, and our conversation suffered for it. I was giving mostly one word answers and he was doing his best to keep the conversation going. Then our salads came. What I thought was awkward before became horrifying. He was a spit-talker. He asked for cheese to crumble on to his salad, and after he crumbled it on, he ate it, all the while talking to me about the big economic bust that occurred at the beginning of the millennium. I noticed that flecks of cheese were being spit onto my salad as he spoke, so I tried to discreetly move sideways and out of the path of the copious amounts of partially chewed projectiles flying out of his mouth. The table was too small to stay out of the line of fire, so I just started inhaling my salad. Then came the burping; he never actually burped out loud, but was gesturing as if constantly trying to keep one down. I finished my salad in roughly a minute and a half. He noticed and said through cheesy teeth, “you eat fast; you must be hungry from the bike ride.” I could only smile.
Soon after, our meals came, and mine was beautiful. The Salmon was cooked perfectly; medium rare and still a bit pink inside. His Cioppino looked amazing, and he offered me some, but I could not bring myself to do it. Nose hair. By this point the sun had moved to a place in the sky where it was shining directly into his eyes, so he moved across the table from where he was sitting, to my left side and much closer to me, and each time I looked up, the sun’s rays were glistening off the bits of food on his lips and his ever-present and disgusting nose hair. Dinner went quite quickly; by this point it seemed as though neither of us wanted to be there, and after I cleaned my plate, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. It was hot and dark in the restaurant, but I was happy to be away from the table. I went in to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. It was kind of dark in the bathroom, so I got closer to the mirror and saw what turned out to be a tiny piece of partially chewed food on my cheek. I thought it was cheese, but I couldn’t be sure, though I was sure that it was chock full o’ nast. I turned on the cold water full blast and rinsed my face thoroughly before going back out to the table.
When I returned, the ends of my bangs all wet from the cleansing I had just given myself, I found him talking on his iPhone and holding the dessert menu. It sounded like he was making plans with someone, but as I sat down I realized he was talking to someone about the date. The person on the other end must have asked him how his date was going, because he said in a very apathetic voice, “OK”, then told the person on the other end that he would call back “in a minute”. It was somewhat comforting to know that he liked me as little as I liked him. After he hung up he gestured to the dessert menu and asked if I was interested. I told him no, and as I did, the wind blew the menu out of his hands and into the street next to us. He did not get up to get it, but when the waitress came back, he pointed it out to her so that she could do that for him. Yup, classic Lake Oswego. She returned with the check, and I watched as he gave her just over 10% for a tip. Great, I was out with 10% tip guy. In addition to nose hair guy, spit-talking guy, Lake Oswego guy, I was also out with a man I have waited on hundreds of times in my food service career: the guy who gives you 10% and thinks he’s leaving you a great tip. He might in fact even point it out to you to give you the opportunity to express your gratitude. I hate that guy.
At this point, it was pretty obvious we were both dying to get away from each other. We shook hands in front of the restaurant and parted ways. I think this was my shortest date on record with the exception of “Bob Crazy”. This whole tragic experience kept going through my mind, and it got me to wondering, if you are going on a first date, why the hell aren’t you bringing your “A” game? I mean, the guy is 50, seemingly well off, and he doesn’t have grooming implements which he could use to clean his shit up? REALLY?? And why hasn’t anyone told this guy that he spits when he speaks? This type of behavior, the bad tip, the treatment of the waitress, the spit-talking, and the protruding nose hair, is all bush league. This goes back to the idea based in Human Resources philosophy which basically states that if a person is not bringing their “A” game to the interview, what is going to happen when they get the job? Nothing good, I can assure you, and I for one am very glad I will never have to find out.
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|FOCUS Cache Translate Page|
I had four dates scheduled this weekend. I was trying to motor through a few to get a breather on the other side. One was with Seven on Friday, one was with a new Craigslist dude Saturday Morning, one was with Al for Saturday afternoon, and one was on Sunday morning with another new Craigslist dude. Shortly after the weekend began, I decided to postpone the two new guys and concentrate on the repeat offenders.
On Friday Seven picked me up at roughly , and we decided to go to the Farm Café before going to the Laurelthirst to see a band. On the way to the Farm, I was attempting to ascertain if Seven had read my blog, and thusly, found out I liked Al. I was a bit worried that he would be hurt by this, though he knew the deal. He admitted that he had, and told me that he thought it was cool and that Al sounded great. I was completely relieved; Seven once again proved to be super cool and completely supportive, and it of course made me like him that much more. As we drove, we passed this little Ethiopian place on 52nd and Division, and Seven mentioned he wanted to try Ethiopian food, which sounded like a great opportunity as I freakin’ love the stuff. So we changed our plans and went to eat at the Ethiopian joint. It was a very nice place, and our waiter was absolutely hysterical, which of course Seven played off of well. Seven is hilarious. There is always at least one point in our evenings together when I am clutching my side laughing or rubbing the smiley-pain out of my cheeks.
We both had the vegetarian combo, which was served to us on a giant platter. It was a great dinner. After, we went to the Laurelthirst, drank beer and danced. It was a great date; Seven even tried to teach me how to hula hoop on a band break. The next morning as he was getting his stuff together, he was talking about what he had to do before a birthday party for one of his daughter’s friends. This included getting something together for a potluck, which pretty much sent me into hysterics. This was a topic Seven and I had discussed on our first or second date. I have an issue with Potlucks. If you are going to have a party, feed your guests. Why ask everyone to bring a dish? This sends a bad signal in my estimation, in addition to the fact that you end up with lots of bread, chips and salsa for dinner. I have heard the argument that potluck parties help to create a sense of community, but I would argue that if you want a community, feeding people at your party is a faster way to make friends than asking that they bring their meals with them. Before I moved to
So, Seven left, and I decided to hang, take a bath and watch Sense and Sensibility until I was ready to go to Al’s. It was a bit weird to be finishing one date and planning to go right to another, but I figured, as long as I mellowed a bit between them, it would all work out. I decided to shoot for a arrival time at Al’s. Al lives in the Pearl District in a large-ish condo down the street from PNCA. His condo is empty for the most part, some furniture, a few very beautiful things hung up on the walls, but mostly, it seemed as though he used this place as an in-between; a place he went to in-between going to other places. Two of the beautiful things he had on his walls were line drawings by Van Gogh. Before he told me who had drawn them, he asked me to guess who the artist was. I hate guessing games. Especially when there is no way you could guess the correct answer to the question being asked. Al seemed to love this type of interaction. Of course, one hung in his narrow and darkened hallway and one had a lamp positioned directly in front of it, but he seemed very proud of these items, and told me that Van Gogh was one of his favorite painters. He also had some woven textiles hanging, and a picture he took of a waterfall in a cave in some remote area he had visited once while he was living abroad. Even with these items, the condo was spare. I could never have guessed what kind of person he was by the place he lived in.
Soon after I got there, Al told me that he was becoming possessive of me, and felt strange knowing that I was with Seven the night before. I offered no apology or explanation, but it did not seem as though he needed one. In retrospect, his statement was the beginning of the end. I had told Al earlier that I was not in a place to be serious about anyone, and that I wanted to go through with my twenty dates in twenty weekends, and he told me that he knew what he was getting himself into because I had been honest about everything, but the whole conversation just didn’t sit that well with me.
Later he threw out the hypothetical situation where I would learn to play bridge, be his bridge partner, and we would travel across the country in a van and play bridge at tournaments. That was pretty much the end. Though I know next to nothing about bridge, I can tell you without a doubt that I am not one to sit still in one place playing cards with a bunch of geriatrics for hours on end. In fact, sitting still for me is in itself hard enough; I plan trips across campus at work every half hour just so I don’t have to sit behind my desk for too long. While in every other way this date was amazing, these things he had said basically told me that he had ideas for me which would drastically change the course my life was taking presently, and going his way would mean giving up control of the wheel once again. I had just regained control of the wheel and was white-knuckled at present, trying desperately to stay on my path. No matter how smart or self-aware Al was, I could not bring myself to consider altering my present course. The problem with Al was that I was excessively attracted to him. There was something about the way he spoke, his mannerisms, his smile, that just drove me out of my mind. It also sucked that he was amazing in bed. Bastard.
The next morning, we grabbed some doughnuts and juice, and then Al went to a bridge tournament. I called my friend Annie before I left his place, discussed the present unpleasantness, and she agreed that my decision to break it off was sound and then told me to start volunteering or something. She reminded me of who I was, told me to start making things again, then told me all about the changes she was making to her condo in
The next day I called my brother David in
I ended up deciding not to count these as dates in my experiment and accepted the fact that I had ten new dates in front of me. As much fun as the first ten have been, I am thinking the next ten will be even better, in one way or another.
|Fifty Per Cent Cache Translate Page|
Unlike the first five dates I went on, dates Six through Ten were all quite good, some bordering on excellent. The men I went out with, much kinder and more thoughtful, and in the end, helped me understand my place in the world a bit more. Now I am having a different kind of struggle; I am changing. Due to the events of the past few weeks, I have been thoroughly re-examining my values.
After I posted my date with Hugh, he sent me an email which I think was meant to sound light and airy, but ended up being a defense of his actions and motives. It also sounded like I hurt his feelings. After a series of paragraphs defending himself and pointing out my misinterpretations of various events, he wrote:
“You sometimes put out the vibe that you're all business; that biking is a single-minded task from point A to point B. That this experiment is putting your head down and getting from date one to date twenty. It comes off as a little mechanical, even in person, which doesn't help connect with other human beings, but probably does help support the thesis of your experiment. You've already shown that you can slow down and smell the roses (referring here to number Seven, about whom I'm quite excited for you!) so that's a good step. I hope you keep doing that. Life is short, you loner. Sometimes it's worth following someone down a less-familiar winding route, even one that's admittedly slower. :)”
Ouch. Um, yeah, that’s me. That has always been my M.O., I am usually quite impatient and single-minded in most of my endeavors. Should I be slowing down? Should I be going down “less-familiar winding routes”? Would I come off as mechanical if I weren’t so fuckin’ Heavy Metal? It is ironic that the man who initially referred to my project as a “marathon” is now telling me to slow down. Marathons are long enough without slowing down intentionally to smell the freaking roses. I know I would not react in this fashion if this analysis did not hit home in some way, but I don’t recall ever feeling good after having apologized for my actions, much less for who I am. In fact, what the last few weeks have taught me is that all we have in this world is what we carry within us, and compromising this to make others feel better is a huge waste of energy. In the last weeks, I have been told I am selfish, mean, slutty, and of little value by the people I used to be closest to. Some of this stemmed from my blog, some not, but all were meant to in some way pacify the teller’s own feelings of inadequacy. This is pure bullshit, and I have to say, I am happy I have had the opportunity to experience it all, because it has cemented in me the importance of being true to yourself and trying with all your strength to retain your integrity. As my mother used to tell me when someone was mean to me at school:
“Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke, and joke ‘em if they can’t take a fuck.”
I have in the past days been feeling a drain on me from this experiment. First dates are arduous, and I have been doubling and tripling up on some weekends, due to the fact that many of the gentlemen I have seen have wanted a date sooner than later. I am scheduling more dates over the next few months, but I now have two people I am starting to care about. I wonder how fair this is to the other first dates I am planning to meet, but I also wonder if I will find that not only can I like two people at once, but three and four is also a possibility. Who is this person I am becoming? How many first dates will it take for me to figure it out? Or will these dates just keep bringing up additional questions?
While I have seen ugliness over these last few weeks, I have also seen amazing love, generosity, and depth of character. The interactions I have had with some of these men have restored my faith in people, and while many whom I have loved have turned their backs on me, these strangers have shown a depth of feeling I believed to be long lost from this dark world. It sounds dramatic and somewhat amplified, but a renewal of hope is no small thing, especially when it occurs within the confines of Craigslist personals.
|Date # 10: Half Way Home Cache Translate Page|
This date took place on a Sunday; we were to meet in front of one of my favorite
Thankfully, Al soon came toward me from across the street. We decided to walk around a bit, and as I was still carrying my bike bag, he offered to put it in his trunk while we walked. Though it made me nervous, I agreed; keeping my bag in his trunk would make it difficult to leave quickly if I had to, but I decided to chance it. I had brought my Tevas to wear on this date, as I was planning to go grocery shopping later and would not have room in my bag for what I was planning on buying if my boots were in my bag. Al had told me in his initial email that he wanted to walk around first before we decided to eat so we could determine whether or not we would want to sit down to a meal with each other. This seemed like pretty sound thinking to me, made even more so by the beauty of the warm and sunny spring day.
We walked down
After we had walked around for about an hour or so, Al and I were both hot and hungry, so we decided to find a place to sit and maybe eat. We chose a place on
We sat there eating and talking for roughly three or four hours more. As we were talking about relationships, Al asked me what I was looking for, and I had to admit that I did not know, that I was trying to figure out who I was again, and because of this, I was not sure what this new person I was turning into needed in the way of a relationship. He conceded that he too had not a clue, but posited that he thought that if two people went into a relationship together, making an agreement to work towards growing together, and giving each other what the other needed, that it could work. I was skeptical; neither of us could think of a couple we had known to be a good model. I asked what about attraction, similar life paths, or my usual problem, inconsistent communication styles? He believed that none of this would matter if each person consciously worked toward giving the other person what they needed in the relationship. I was still skeptical, but I could feel myself growing to like him more and more.
My feelings were starting to throw me into a minor state of panic. I was wondering how it was that the day before I could not dream of liking two people at once, and here I was, feeling conflicted about my feelings for both Seven and Al. This is the type of situation that makes me think I am completely fucked, but luckily I am very good at throwing caution to the wind and just going with it, so that is what I did. We decided to walk a bit after our lunch, and tried to find the shade in our walk as we are both sensitive to the sun. While the long afternoon shadows were providing shade, there was not enough, and Al suggested we go to a park. I considered telling Al the truth, that I had a date with Seven later that night, but I decided against it, instead telling him I had to do some things to prepare for an early start at work the next day. He walked me to his car to get my bike bag, and then carried it for me to where my bike was locked up. I sat down on the sidewalk and took off my Tevas to reveal several blisters on the sides and bottoms of my feet which had developed over the course of our walk that morning and afternoon. Stupid Tevas; they always produce blisters the first few times I wear them every summer. We sat on the pavement together and talked about getting together again later in the week. Of course, he was wide open. We made plans for Tuesday evening, and then he leaned in and kissed me. I was a bit surprised and nervous, and as he pulled away from our kiss, I giggled nervously, and could not find the fortitude to look at him directly. Yup. It seemed I was very capable of liking two people at once.
As I jumped on my bike and rode away, I looked back to see him watching me. I didn’t know what it meant, but something inside me was scared, and I had no idea why. I figured I had time to find out, after all, I had started this experiment with the intention of being open to anything that might happen, and it seemed like that fear was telling me “anything” was coming.
|Date #9: Four or Five Abreast Cache Translate Page|
This date was one I had been looking forward to; I had been emailing back and forth with this guy for a couple of months and he seemed cool, aka, his world view was similar to mine. Unfortunately, since my dates with Seven, I had started to feel conflicted about the whole dating thing. While I have no problem having sex with multiple people whom I do not like in any significant way, dating several people I do like is a whole different matter. I think I am old fashioned in this way; I simply don’t have it in me to like more than one person at a time. We were to meet at Powell’s downtown and walk around the Pearl District, looking at galleries and other oddities. We were especially looking forward to going to the Mark Woolley Gallery, as, after fifteen years, it was set to close down at the end of the month.
It was a beautiful Saturday; sunny, warm, really perfect. I made my way downtown from my apartment on the edge of
After the craziness of the bridge, riding through downtown Portland to Powell’s was a serene journey, floating through streets lined with recently emptied storefronts and contemporary building projects made mostly of glass. As I arrived I noticed that my date, Hugh, was not yet there. I scoped out a place to lock up my bike and started changing into my Doc’s from my biking shoes. I looked up and he was there, wearing a bright green retro helmet and riding a bright green retro bike. What made his bike retro? It had a kick stand. He had also just been riding through the hoards on the
After we locked up our bikes we headed off into the Pearl District. Just ten years previous this small area had been a sketchy part of town, but had recently blossomed into the place where all the young up-and-comers lived the lives they had always dreamed of. We had not planned out our journey, so I just led us around, going to the places I had remembered there being galleries. Unfortunately, not much of what I used to know remained. It was very depressing. Finally, we went to PNCA, where there was a Font show, or rather, a show which consisted of large posters of different kinds of fonts, supposedly describing the styles of various artists. There were also posters on the walls with random common phrases, one in particular which had been so popular in the previous year’s election:
“Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both”
This of course is the famous quote by Ben Franklin, which more likely referred to the Bush Administration’s failed agenda and the ability of the masses to continue to embrace it. In general I have a hard time with words in art or words as art. I feel the same way about the use of images laden with symbolic meaning such as apples, hearts, or the flavor or the moment, black birds. This type of art does not demand much from the viewer.
We left the main floor and the main gallery and went upstairs to see the student work hanging on the walls around the perimeter of the mezzanine. They all looked very much like the stuff you would expect to see at an art school; pictures which were not very interesting, but intense with the labor of their maker. Looking at this work exhausted me, as it reminded me of my own time in
Hugh was a follower of my blog, and we spoke extensively about it, about number Seven, who I still referred to as such, even to him, and about Hugh’s situation, which I originally thought was complex, but quickly found was more dimensional than I had realized. While I knew that Hugh had a girlfriend with whom he had an open relationship, I was not aware that he also was seeing another woman casually. I thought it was fascinating, as I was struggling with the whole notion of liking two people at once, and here he was, very comfortable with the two people he was dating, and out on a date with a third. He suggested that I was capable of dating multiple people at once; they just had to be the right people. I was skeptical.
We decided to leave PNCA and try to find some other galleries. As we were walking down N.W. 13th, we started to pass by Cargo, and then decided to go in. Cargo is one of those places where you can buy strange items for your home from far off lands for a mere pittance. For the most part, it is run-of-the-mill, until you get to the area where there are statues, paintings, vases, and coasters, all with the likeness of General Mao on them. They were all diplomatically rendered; he looked kind and gentle in every portrait. The best part of this area were the propagandistic pieces, and of these, the most wonderful was a sculpture of a man and a woman in worker attire, carrying tools and riding a rocket ship. I loved this sculpture so much I thought very seriously about taking it home and putting it in a place of honor among my much less communistic collectibles, but alas, as I was on my bike, I really had no place to put it on the ride home, so I had to pass. We looked around a bit more, then went upstairs and found two lounge chairs and sat and talked about music. Years ago, Hugh had started a non-profit he was presently on the board of, and had run for several years. The conversation flowed easily to the types of music that we liked and what we used to like, and by some miracle, he actually liked Heavy Metal. We discussed the fall of Metallica, the eras which we were most familiar with and fond of, Iron Maiden, and of course, my beloved Motorhead. It is so refreshing to meet people with similar interests. At this point, we were both hungry, so we decided to get Sushi. We were both wracking our brains, trying to think of a good Sushi place which did not source its fish from the dreaded Reverend Sun Myung Moon. As we thought, we went into Bullseye gallery, my favorite in
Dragonfish is located in the Paramount Hotel on the corner of Taylor and Park, and faces a giant hole in downtown
It turned out that Hugh’s long term girlfriend, who lives in
Then I asked him about the other woman he was dating. He had met her the previous Halloween at a party. He saw her on average once a week and they were very casual. It was quite the crowd we had sitting there at our table: Hugh and his two girlfriends and me and Number Seven. While Seven and I are not what you would call exclusive, I found it ironic that my feelings for him were keeping me hesitant in regards to dating others, while Hugh and his two girl friends were quite happy keeping it free and easy. It seemed I had a lot to learn about dating in the new millennium.
After we ate, we walked down to Mark Woolley, looked around, and then popped in next door to Augen gallery. Both shows were very good, and of course I had the privilege of hearing Hugh say that he is much less impressed with paintings he believes he could do himself. While I understand why people might ignorantly think this too-often-heard thought, I often wonder why it is that I have to hear it. The reality is that the making of the art is not the thing; it is the showing of the art. The ability to put something on the wall which has your guts in it takes courage and integrity which most people do not possess, and I would posit that these same people would not even make it through their first brush stroke on an empty canvas. Of course, I did not mention this to Hugh, I was not especially offended by the comment, just surprised.
After we left the gallery, we walked to Powell’s where we looked long and hard for a book on orgasms I had seen on Amazon but could not find, so instead I bought a book on Taoist health, sex and longevity which I had owned years prior but had loaned out and never gotten back. After, we went to the North Park Blocks and sat in front of a small play area and watched the kids and the homeless people converge on the swings and jungle gym in the waning afternoon sun. We started to talk about movies, and he suggested we might go to one, but to one at a second run theatre, which
We rode up
As I rode away, I realized I was very happy to finally be alone, riding at my own pace with the ability to go whichever route I chose.
|Date #8: Seven and Point Five Cache Translate Page|
Date two with Seven. Yes, I decided to abandon my rule about weekdays not counting. I mean, it is more of a guideline than a rule, really, and let’s face it- if you find what you think might be something good, do you toss it away callously? My answer is no, and it is backed up by my personal philosophy that I would rather regret something I have done rather than something I haven’t. Sometimes I just gotta roll reckless.
I was supposed to have a date with another Craigslist guy on this particular day, which turned out to be a weekend day- Friday. But when number Seven called and asked if I was up for going with him and his friend to
He picked me up at with my bike. This is one of the great things about Seven. He accepts the fact that at any point, I might feel the need to leave, perhaps irrationally, and he is more than happy to bring my bike with us in case I need to do that. Seven is very supportive of this particular neurosis, a very good quality to have in a friend, to my way of thinking. He was telling me about his friend, Point Five, (Point Five wanted this name, so please do not accuse me of reducing the men I know to numbers, I am not that much of an asshole), telling me that he knows everyone in the Portland music scene, is super kind, laid back, and that you just want to give him a big hug every time you see him. Again with the hugging. I also assumed from this description that Point Five, like Seven, was a hippie.
What makes Seven a hippie, you might ask? It is an amalgamation of many things, some of which I will name here. He wears a pendant with an asteroid chip in it tied in a leather strap around his neck, he has crystals all over his home, he wears tie-dyed shirts, his hair is quite long, and, finally, instead of saying “good-bye” on the phone, he says simply, “peace”. For a long time I have had issues with hippies due to some interactions I had with some of their ilk while road tripping in California and at a Dead show in Eugene (yes, I know, the irony here is thick). My biggest issue of course is that many of my old friends in Chicago have the highly annoying habit of referring to me as a hippie, which I know is a by-product of having lived in Portland, the land of no dress code, for so long. I have to say, though, I see nothing wrong with Seven. He is kind and generous, smart and funny, and really, I am not one to judge what anyone chooses to put on his back. More than that, he is very nice to me, and really, that is a tough quality to argue with.
So, we go to Point Five’s house, as he is driving to
So we all start to get in the car and Seven asks if I want to sit in the front with Point Five. He calls me “Sarita”. This kills me. I love it when he speaks Spanish to me. It drives me absolutely crazy. I reply that I am fine, but he doesn’t seem comfortable with it. He says he feels bad because of the fact that I would be out of the loop of the car conversation for much of the ride, but I assure him that I would not say I was fine if I wasn’t. So we start driving, and Seven starts telling Point Five about his mother’s visit which just ended. Evidently, his mother asked him “when he was going to cut his hair short and look like a real man should”. She also wants him to take his daughter to church. Seven’s mom is big in the church, and Seven, having been raised in it, is not. Point Five commiserates, saying his mom has been hounding him to visit for a while, and he has been putting it off for as long as he possibly can. Unfortunately, I can’t really add anything to this conversation because my mom is dead, and volunteering this information usually ends whatever conversation I am having if I mention it. I have tried on several occasions with many different people, and the result is always the same: everyone says they are sorry, looks at me with “sad for you” eyes, and the subject is changed. So I sit and listen as they talk about their plans for the summer, the music festivals they have gone to and are going to go to, and Point Five talks about surveying the land in the Gorge for his job, in one particular case leading all the engineers he works with though the woods, casually mentioning the Poison Oak they are walking next to, and scaring the crap out of them.
Eventually, we get to a gas station so Point Five can fuel up. When he does, he opens the door to the back seat opposite me, pulls out a little plastic contraption, looks up with a little smile on his face and says to me “Have to take my anti-anxiety pills”. Mr. laid-back hippie dude has anxiety problems.
As we continue driving, Seven points out Bonneville Dam to me and laughs, then tells Point Five about the social experiment I am conducting and my date with Grampa Tom. This is when Point Five asks to be called as such, to which I am more than willing to oblige. That’s just good copy.
We arrive at the bar roughly an hour later and before we go in Seven gives me a long hug. While Seven is not a big man, when he hugs me, I feel like we fit; his hugs are warm, comforting, and his big shoulders and muscular arms make me feel safe. As we walk in, I am delighted to see that I will receive a stamp on my hand for the entry fee Seven is paying for me. I look at it, trying to figure out what it is. I can’t tell, but it looks vaguely like a squiggly paisley design, which is a technical art term and too complex to explain here. Seven gets us some beers and we stand in front of the stage, holding hands and watching the bands warm up. Much to my surprise, they are both bluegrass. Actually, I am not surprised at all as I know this is the kind of music Seven likes, which is too bad, because it is a similarity he shares with my wasband. But, live music is live music, and the bands warming up sound very good. Seven is right about Point Five; he seems to know almost everyone at the bar, and demonstrates this by hugging almost every one of them. Evidently Point Five does not have a personal space bubble to contend with. I briefly consider suggesting one to him in order to perhaps alleviate the anxiety problem he faces, but I quickly dismiss it as I just met the guy and with my luck it is probably an aspect of his life which soothes him. I would hate to think that I might be responsible for pushing some poor schmuck over the edge by suggesting a personal space bubble.
The music starts and everyone starts dancing, Seven and Point Five included. Thankfully, Seven has rhythm. It is such a relief to date someone who has rhythm; it means you are able to forgo the awkward conversation where you tell him his lack of rhythm doesn’t matter to you, which is a lie, or worse, where you have to be the one to tell him he has no rhythm whatsoever. Point Five is a bit of a different matter; it is not that he doesn’t have rhythm; it is that he is a twirler. Yes, a twirler. These are the people at concerts (usually Dead shows) who dance well, but not to the rhythm of the music, and while their moves are impressive on a certain level, as was Point Five’s, it is hard to tell if they are dancing to the music or their own inner soundtrack. So, good, there we all are, Seven and Point Five cutting a rug, and me kind of moving back and forth a bit, but not really doing anything approximating what you could call dancing. I was people watching, and I was pretty much transfixed by this stunning young couple dancing together. The guy was dressed in a cream and light brown suit-like outfit and wore a fedora which he used as a prop in his extravagant dance moves. The woman was dressed in a very feminine, demure blouse and skirt and wore a wide headband on her head. She was much less confident than he, but her timidity was quite appealing, and I found myself in love with them; dreaming into them an amazing and exciting life which kept them riding the crest of a wave of superiority. Sometimes it is nice to not know people; you experience much less disappointment that way and they can be exactly who you want them to.
This date was proving my theory that it is best to always keep your options open. I had had a perfectly dreadful week, my “best friend” dumped me, work sucked, and my wasband had once again told me how horrible I was. I had no idea I would end up at a bar in
|Speed Bumps Cache Translate Page|
There are times in your life when bad things rain down on you like hellfire. It is during these times where you just have to keep your head down, remember who you are, and look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Very recently, the universe decided to test my grit and throw some shit my way that would push anyone to the limits of reason. Of course I am aware that nothing “happens” to anyone; I have had a hand in bringing everything that has befallen me onto my head, and as the truest of my friends have reminded me, this is what happens when you are the man.
I think I have mentioned earlier in my blog that I am an asshole. If I haven’t, I am stating this fact now. Clearly, there are issues I am working out still that keep me from being as kind to people as I could be. So, last week, my wasband called me at work to let me know what a horrible person I was for sending him the link to my blog. (I told you, I am clearly an asshole). He went on and on telling me that I wasn’t the person he used to know, that I would have never done this to someone when he knew me, that basically, I am a shitshow. I am sure you can imagine. I told him I agreed, I was sorry, I made a mistake, and that I was fucked up. I admitted all of this to him, but he would not let up, and at a certain point, I had to hang up on him. Yes, again, I know. I am not kind. Well, it doesn’t really stop there.
While I cannot go into the exact details of this, something at my job exploded in my face, making a workplace that I have loved quite hard to work in. Basically, I caught a co-worker stealing and came forward with the information. When my boss confronted him, instead of owning up to it, he instead disparaged me by telling her that I was having sex with one of his employees, some of the students at the University where I work, and I, myself, was guilty of stealing. Typical; accuse a man of theft and he calls you a whore. Instead of firing him, she kept him on and started investigating his allegations, which unfortunately bought him enough time to steal more stuff and make my life at work incredibly difficult to bear. Again, in this situation, I did things to bring this about; I knew there would be consequences for my actions, but, I partook in them anyway, believing my actions to be in the name of justice. Somehow I had forgotten that justice is blind (or is that love?). Either way.
Then, I received an email from a friend who basically told me that she could not be my friend anymore because of my blog. Sadly, I had lied to her about my first two dates, (who is honest about people they meet on line anyway?). I told her the dates were set-ups and not what they were: Craigslist arrangements. So, she sent me an email with a WordPerfect letter attached, which I could not open for hours because I only had Microsoft Office on my computer. When I finally did open it, it said that she could not support me in my project; she did not think it was good, and she needed time away from me. Of course, the why of it was never mentioned. She went on to tell me that she did not want to sound condescending or judgmental, which basically meant to me that she was judging me and thought less of me for doing this. All this attached to an email in an outdated word processing format. No call, no consideration of maybe telling me this information in person.
This is a woman who I have referred to as my “BFF” for years. I had, on many occasions forgiven her shortcomings and mistakes. I had gone to people’s houses for her to get things when she was too scared to go herself. I had comforted her when her dogs died, listened to her when she ranted about all of her workplace problems, and put up with her ginormous mood swings which seemed to occur for no reason whatsoever. Why? It is what friends do.
I have to say, since I have started my blog, I have learned about myself. I have changed and recognized in my otherwise incidental actions my frailties and my strength. What does all of this tell me? I believe it tells me one of two things: I am either A: On the right track because the huge changes I am making in my life are allowing me to be more of the person I want to be, or, 2: I am on a path paved with good intentions which will eventually lead me to hell and I will burn for eternity in its fiery depths. Though, for the record, I do not believe in hell.
|Twenty Five Per-cent Cache Translate Page|
“It is the quality of our interactions which defines our humanity”.
As an artist, you start a project, thinking you know what you are going to get out of it, or thinking that you know the answers to the questions you are asking. The good projects change your perspective in a way that results in additional questions. As I look back over the handful of dates I have had, the people I have met, my original hypothesis regarding our need to connect and our tendency to distance ourselves from each other with technology has been sidelined. As I have met these men, and I have taken the time to talk to them and get to know them in a short amount of time, I realize more and more that my perspective has been slightly flawed and perhaps oversimplified. I started to see this as I spoke to my friends about my interactions with my dates. The questions regarding how I could handle some of the harsher comments about my beauty, my age, my intelligence, have always yielded the same response: these comments have much less to do with me than they have with the people who have said them. A couple of my friends have tried adamantly to dissuade me from this project, telling me that either there is no good reason to do it, or that it is a part of a thrill-seeking tendency that could end up getting me hurt or killed. While I appreciate the concern, I also believe this is more of the same; a concern that has less to do with me than it has with the person who said it.
After my fifth date, one quarter of the way through my experiment, I realize that the interactions I have considered “good” have been with people who share my world view, and not surprisingly, the others have been with those who have not. The question then becomes, how good is it to surround ourselves with people who are just like us, and how healthy is it for us to marginalize those who are dissimilar from us? On each date I have been on, no matter how different any of these guys have seemed from me, I made it a point to pay attention to them and listen. Of course, they were not operating under this same directive, and at the end of each date I was exhausted because I was not used to this practice. Does this mean that most of the time I am an arrogant bastard who does not listen to my friends when they speak to me, or that I assume I know what will be coming out of their mouths next? Am I surrounding myself with people who are like me because it is easier to get through the day? Do I shy away from putting real effort into my interactions with others?
I have come to the conclusion that while it might not be pleasant, the more I am challenged by conflicting perspectives to my own, the more I examine why I believe the things I do and the more I grow. The young man who wanted to be a cult leader served as a mirror in that his tendencies to control every situation around him brought to light my own tendency to do the same things, on a lesser scale. On the surface he seemed very different from me, but our similarities were what struck me most. After he read the blog I wrote about our date to me over the phone, he asked, “I sound kinda psychotic, don’t I?” The first gentleman I dated sent me an email that stated simply, “I am such an asshole.” I too have been accused of being an asshole, and this is not far from the truth. I am an insensitive, judgmental, irrational woman who is searching for meaning by meeting complete strangers through Craigslist and exposing these experiences publicly on a blog.
Due to a number of major shifts in my personal life, I am searching for meaning in the eyes of strangers. I am looking at people, alone in their cars, and wondering if they are thinking of anything other than themselves. In as much as I am looking into the lives of others, I am uncovering my own and measuring my endurance. One of the men I have been exchanging emails with leading up to an eventual date has referred to my experiment as my “Dating Marathon”. I ran a marathon. Once. It was all I needed to know that I would not be running any more, and that I could have read the paper that Sunday morning while drinking tea and eating a Voodoo maple bacon bar and been just as satisfied with the use of my time.
This does not feel like a marathon. While it is long and requires stamina, I feel like I am gaining more from it than I originally predicted. I am more aware of my shortcomings, as well as my potential, and in this way, the potential of everyone I meet. I recognize that I put about twenty-five percent of my energy into my relationships, fearful that if I decide to put more energy into them, there will be no additional input from the people in my life. How much will I continue to hold back, dubious of reciprocation, until the amount of effort I put into my relationships consists of nothing more than a few messages sent via text and a couple of emails to people I am supposed to go out with in order to postpone the dates? Will I find myself at a table one night with my boyfriend, texting to someone else about how good the food at the restaurant was? Will I be more confused about my place in the universe, if I even possess one? Will I realize this was all just a process I undertook in order to distract me from more pressing issues, like the failing economy, swine flu, or the occupation in Afghanistan? Will I ever feel the need to put more than twenty five percent of my energy into any relationship I ever undertake?
This blog is now an ebook on Amazon. Get it here.
|Date #4: 15 minute man Cache Translate Page|
This may seem like a short amount of time for a date. The only reason it lasted as long as it did was because I was waiting for my food. So I could take it to go.
This was one of the guys who had been in an all-fire-hurry to go on a date with me. He emailed me once, and then we messaged each other for a while. His screen name was “Bob Crazy” and I assumed that “Bob” was his name. It was not. I assumed that “Crazy” did not actually describe him. It did. This name is what I eventually decided was most suitable for him. In my first message to “Crazy”, I asked him how he was, to which he replied: “horny, lol.”
A short note about “lol” in this context: It is the modern man’s version of, “I don’t know why she thinks I sexually harassed her; I was only kidding.” To this point in my virtual dating experience, I had not yet come upon this term very much, but as my experience grew, this acronym popped up more and more, mostly in places where a man would want you to know that he was kidding if you were offended, or, not, if what he said did not offend you and you were receptive to whatever come-on he was throwing out.
I ignored the horny comment and moved on. I asked him what he did, and he replied with some generic IT answer. I asked him where he worked, he said in town. I asked him for a picture, and he replied that he didn’t have one and that, “I look like a typical Asian guy,” I almost fell off my chair laughing at that one, “lol” or no. He then asked me what I do, what my hobbies are, etc….pretty standard questions, so I answered them, and his reply came back: “What about romance?” I replied that I had never considered romance a “hobby”, but I could see why he would think so, in light of my Craigslist ad.
After that, we set up a lunch on a day later that week. Sadly, he suggested Pizza Hut. I must reiterate: there are so many great places to eat in
Unfortunately for “Crazy”, he did not abide by one of my rules in this experiment: weekends only. The title of this project is 20 Dates in 20 Weekends. If a man, through impatience or stupidity or sloth, chooses to meet with me on a week day instead of a weekend, he is automatically disqualified, not from the date itself, but from having it go anywhere. Why, you might ask? Well, I look at this process in much the way an HR professional looks at job applicants. If you can’t follow the directions to apply for the job, chances are you won’t follow instructions once in the position either. It’s simple math.
We met at the deli, and I immediately recognized that he was of East Indian descent, which struck me as odd, given the way he had described himself earlier. I will never understand how, when one is from a continent which contains so many different countries within it, he could describe himself as “typical looking”. I for one have never had the inclination to describe myself as a “typical looking American woman”.
We ordered our sandwiches and sat down. As I sat down across the table from “Crazy”, I judged that he was older than he had told me in his initial email. He said he was thirty, but frankly he looked mid forties, if not fifty. At this point it did not matter much as it was a Wednesday. I also noticed that his lips were chapped to the point that dry skin was literally hanging off of his bottom lip. He spoke very quietly and had the tendency to turn his head slightly while he was talking. Taken together, these facts pretty much eliminated the chance that I would understand everything he said, as I couldn’t really hear him, nor could I watch his lips move as they were too disgusting to look at.
He seemed rather intent on getting to the bottom of what I was looking for on Craigslist, and asked me with quiet diligence, why I wasn’t using Chat rooms, and why I hadn’t yet used meetup.com to meet people. When I said I was just doing it to date, he did not seem satisfied. I was a bit mystified, but I let it go, mostly because I wasn’t quite sure what he was saying anyway. Then he told me he was married with children and that his wife was out of town for a month. The whole conversation, his mannerisms, and his hushed tone suddenly made sense. At this point I had very little compassion for “Crazy”; he lied about his age, he wanted to set up a date during the week, he suggested Pizza Hut for lunch, and now this. It was more than I could forgive and I let him know by outing him.
There happened to be two young mothers with roughly fifteen children between them at the next tables, so I said very loudly in their general direction, “So you are married, and you want to date me?!?!?!” He looked around nervously. I glanced over at the ladies and they were looking at us. In the same tone, I asked him if his wife knew. He shook his head no. A very long and awkward pause followed. Initially I was very pleased with myself, but after about a minute and a half, I felt quite ready to go. I was starving and trying to decide whether or not I should wait for my lunch. I think he sensed my intent and said the most surprising and offensive thing of all: That I should let him know if I ever wanted to have sex with him. I could barely believe it. Thankfully, our food came; just in time for me to tell him I was uncomfortable and that I was going to leave. Before I could, he made the offer once again. It didn’t seem to bother him whether I was offended by this request or not; there was no trace of “lol”, no whisper of hesitation. I looked down at the Gyro in my hand and decided that if I didn’t leave soon, I would end up throwing it at him, so I headed for the door. No use wasting good food on someone who wouldn’t have appreciated it anyway.
|Man Fathers 18 Babies All Over The Country After Putting Up A 2014 Craigslist Ad About His Abnormally Strong Sperm Cache Translate Page||I have a favor to ask you, my internet friend.…|
|Reader Redesign: Baby Love Cache Translate Page|
When Robyn sent over some photos of her charming nursery (full of adorable details) we had to share the love. Here’s her letter:
We had our first baby on 9/9/09 and I wanted to share his nursery with you. It started off as our guest room but shower water leaked through the bathroom wall onto the berber carpet so when I was many, many months pregnant my husband ripped it out and we laid tiles from Home Depot that we bought for about $75. We painted one wall Shark Fin blue, put up some old shelves I had for years (from West Elm), used some curtains we had stored away (from Pier 1), moved in a recliner from the living room, and added a rug that used to be in my office. The dresser was a 1950s piece found on Craigslist for $35 (we bolted the changing pad to the back and slipped it into the closet enclave). The book shelf is from Target and the dragonfly magnetic wall art is from umbra.com. The crib is Di Vinci (a gift from the grandmother), the egg lamp is J. Schatz (a gift from friends), and the bedding is Dwell (scored on ebay for 40% off). All told we spent around $700 on the floor, paint, mattress, bedding, the fan (about 50 bucks on sale at Restoration Hardware), the side table (40 bucks on clearance at Hobby Lobby), the paper star mobile, our NYC and BKLYN posters, and the Craigslist dresser. Take care and congratulations on your own little one on the way!! -Robyn
Here’s the nursery before the big baby-friendly makeover:
Note: While Robyn’s crib sports a bumper in the photo she actually removed it once her son started sleeping in the crib due to the associated SIDS risk. There are definitely a lot of highly personal decisions that are made on the crazy adventure that is parenthood and we love that every family can make choices that work best for them. source
|Save $125 on Hushed, an app that hides your phone number from stalkers and telemarketers Cache Translate Page|
Privacy’s a hot topic. Case in point: Facebook's privacy violations making the news ad infinitum (thus its impending record fine from the Federal Trade Commission), on top of every other company emailing users about security leaks compromising their data.
But with all the focus on social media and email hacks, the phone lays forgotten. Consider all the ways you disseminate your number: on work calls, texts with potential dates, even transactions with Craigslist buyers and sellers. It just takes one unfortunate interaction before your phone’s blowing up with unsolicited inquiries from a persistent stranger or unwanted robocalls from advertisers — which, by the way, have surged to several *billion* calls per month. Not cool. Read more...More about Robocalls, Mashable Shopping, Shopping Stackcommerce, Hushed, and Tech
|Comment on Choosing A Home Electric Car Charger: Here’s Some Advice by BoltEV (was SparkEV) Cache Translate Page||I see portable EVSE on Craigslist sometimes with ads that seem to not know anything about EV, I have to wonder how they got that. Theft?|
|Today’s Rental is “Tucked away on quiet, residential street in Mount Pleasant” Cache Translate Page||This rental is located at 1846 Ingleside Terrace, NW. The Craigslist ad says: “$1450 / 1br – 682ft2 – Renovated One Bedroom Apartment in Mt Pleasant! Become the first to...|
|3/13/2019: CITY + REGION: Plan for sex with mother, child not ‘fantasy’ Cache Translate Page||Warning: graphic content When he told a woman he met on Craigslist that he wanted to be sexual with her and her 11-yearold daughter, he was partaking in what he believed was the woman’s “fantasy role play” so that she’d meet him for sex, Brendan...|