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Abundant Solutions Clarity. Confidence. Growth. Tue, 26 May 2026 08:10:03 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 wp-content/uploads/2025/10/Abundant-Solutions-FAVICON.svg Abundant Solutions 32 32 Can You Change Company Culture? can-you-change-company-culture/ Wed, 29 Apr 2026 09:13:13 +0000 ?p=10314 The post Can You Change Company Culture? appeared first on Abundant Solutions. ]]> Yes. But not with a memo, a new slogan or a well-intentioned away day. Culture does not change because a new value is announced or a leadership away day is scheduled. It changes when behaviour changes, and behaviour changes when structure, standards and leadership alignment shift in a sustained way. The desire to improve culture is common. The discipline to change it is less so. Start With Leadership BehaviourCulture cascades. If leaders model clarity, accountability and consistency, those behaviours spread. If leaders avoid difficult conversations, tolerate ambiguity or shift priorities weekly, that spreads too. Changing culture begins with an honest assessment of leadership behaviour. Not intention, but observable behaviour. Are expectations explicit? Are standards reinforced consistently? Are underperformance and misalignment addressed promptly, or quietly tolerated? Culture follows what leaders repeatedly do, not what they occasionally say. Clarify What Must ChangeVague ambition does not produce a cultural shift. Statements like “we need better communication” or “we need more ownership” sound sensible but lack precision. What does better communication mean in practice? Faster responses? Clearer agendas? Documented decisions? What does ownership look like in project delivery or client relationships? Changing culture requires translating frustration into specific behavioural shifts. Identify what must stop, what must start and what must strengthen. Without specificity, culture remains abstract. Align Structure With ExpectationsCulture cannot change if the operating structure reinforces old behaviour. If decision rights are unclear, accountability will remain blurred. If priorities change weekly, teams will remain reactive. If performance conversations are avoided, standards will drift. To change culture, adjust the system itself: how meetings are run, how priorities are set, how performance is reviewed and how issues are escalated and resolved. Small structural changes, applied consistently, reshape behaviour over time. Reinforce RelentlesslyEarly progress is fragile. When a new standard is introduced, it must be reinforced calmly and repeatedly. Leaders must follow up. Expectations must be visible. Consequences, positive and negative, must be consistent. Cultural change rarely happens through a single initiative. It happens through repetition. Repetition builds predictability, predictability builds trust, and trust builds momentum. Expect DiscomfortChanging culture often exposes misalignment. Some individuals will thrive under clearer standards. Others may struggle. Cultural shift can feel destabilising in the short term because it replaces familiarity with accountability. That discomfort is not a sign of failure. It is often a sign that clarity is increasing. Common Mistakes When Trying to Change CultureMost cultural change efforts fail for predictable reasons. Leaders announce new expectations but leave the old structures untouched. They talk about accountability but avoid the first difficult conversation that would test the new standard. They introduce new values yet continue rewarding the same behaviours that created the original frustration. Another common mistake is attempting to change everything at once. Culture shifts more reliably when a small number of critical behaviours are identified and reinforced consistently. Trying to overhaul language, process, structure and performance management simultaneously often creates fatigue rather than focus. Finally, many organisations underestimate the time required. Early enthusiasm fades when immediate results fail to materialise. Cultural change is cumulative. It compounds through consistent reinforcement rather than dramatic intervention. A Practical PerspectiveIf your organisation feels reactive, inconsistent or overly dependent on senior leaders, culture can change. But it will not change through aspiration alone. It will change when leadership behaviour aligns with stated standards, when structure reinforces those standards and when accountability becomes consistent rather than selective. Culture is not fixed. It is designed, reinforced and adjusted through daily leadership choices. The real question is not whether culture can change, but whether you are willing to change the system that created it. Working With UsIf any part of this series resonates, the starting point is not a workshop. It is clarity. At Abundant Solutions, we work with leadership teams to align strategy, structure and behaviour so culture supports performance rather than slowing it down. That may mean defining your Abundant Growth Strategy more clearly, tightening decision rights, strengthening accountability or redesigning how priorities are set and reviewed. We do not offer motivational language. We work on the system. If you value a structured conversation about where friction exists in your organisation and what would realistically shift it, get in touch. One focused discussion can often surface the real leverage points. Book A FREE 20-MINUTE CONVERSATION The post Can You Change Company Culture? appeared first on Abundant Solutions. ]]> Defining Your Company Culture defining-your-company-culture/ Wed, 29 Apr 2026 09:12:52 +0000 ?p=10309 The post Defining Your Company Culture appeared first on Abundant Solutions. ]]> If culture exists whether you design it or not, the real question is this. Are you shaping it deliberately? Or are you living with whatever has evolved over time? Every organisation has a culture. It forms through repeated behaviour, leadership responses and the standards that are tolerated or reinforced. But high-performing organisations do not leave culture to chance. They define it clearly and align it structurally. Defining culture is not about writing inspiring words. It is about making decisions. Start With Strategic ClarityCulture cannot be separated from strategy. If strategy sets direction, culture determines how that direction is pursued day to day. Before defining values, leaders must be clear about: The outcomes the business is committed to achieving. The standards required to achieve them. The type of environment that will support sustainable performance. Without that clarity, values become generic. They sound right but lack consequence. With it, they become operational, shaping how priorities are set, how trade-offs are handled and how performance is evaluated. Clarity at the strategic level prevents culture from becoming a collection of well-meaning statements disconnected from the business’s commercial reality. Move From Words to BehaviourMost businesses can list five or six values. Fewer can describe the behaviours those values require. If accountability is a value, what does that look like in meetings? In project delivery? In client communication? If collaboration matters, how are disagreements handled? If excellence is important, how is underperformance addressed? Culture becomes real when values are translated into observable behaviour. Behaviour can be described. Behaviour can be reinforced. Behaviour can be measured indirectly through outcomes. This is where many organisations stop short. They define values but do not define the standard of behaviour expected alongside them. Clarify Roles and Decision RightsCulture strengthens when people know where they stand. Ambiguity weakens it. Clear roles, defined responsibilities, and explicit decision rights reduce friction and build confidence. When ownership is visible, accountability increases naturally. When authority is blurred, leaders become bottlenecks and teams hesitate. Defining culture, therefore, includes defining the structure of how decisions are made, how priorities are set, and how issues are escalated. How performance is reviewed. Structure reinforces behaviour. Align Leadership FirstCulture cascades. It does not start with policy. It starts with leadership behaviour. If leaders say collaboration matters but operate in silos, the culture will follow the behaviour, not the words. If leaders speak about accountability but avoid difficult conversations, the standard drops quietly. Defining culture requires leadership alignment on the behaviours they are willing to model consistently. That conversation is often more important than the wording of any value statement. Make It Visible and RepetitiveOnce defined, culture must be reinforced. In hiring decisions. In performance reviews. In promotions. In the way meetings are run. Repetition builds clarity. Clarity builds consistency. Consistency builds trust. Over time, that trust becomes momentum. A Practical ReflectionIf someone new joined your organisation tomorrow, what would they observe in their first two weeks? Would they see clear priorities? Would they see decisions made confidently? Would they see constructive challenge handled well? Or would they see ambiguity, inconsistency and reactive leadership? Defining culture is not about aspiration. It is about aligning what you say matters with what your organisation consistently does. When culture is defined deliberately, it supports strategy rather than undermining it. It accelerates execution rather than slowing it. And it reduces the need for constant leadership team intervention. Left undefined, culture drifts. Standards blur, accountability softens, and leaders spend more time correcting issues that should never have escalated. Defined clearly and reinforced consistently, culture becomes an advantage. It supports strategy, strengthens execution and allows leaders to focus on growth rather than constant correction. Culture will form either way. The question is whether it forms by default or by design. The post Defining Your Company Culture appeared first on Abundant Solutions. ]]> Why Company Culture Quietly Drives Results why-company-culture-quietly-drives-results/ Wed, 29 Apr 2026 09:12:25 +0000 ?p=10305 The post Why Company Culture Quietly Drives Results appeared first on Abundant Solutions. ]]> Culture is not a soft issue that sits alongside the real work of the business. It shows up directly in profit, pace and performance. It is not the only factor that drives results. Still, it quietly shapes how effectively every other factor performs by influencing how quickly decisions are made, how confidently teams act and how consistently clients are served. If culture is the organisation’s social operating system, then results are heavily influenced by how well that system runs. Strategy sets direction, and capability provides capacity, but culture determines how effectively both are translated into consistent action. Culture Drives SpeedIn healthy cultures, decisions move because priorities are clear, accountability is understood, and meetings create momentum rather than delay. In weaker cultures, decisions stall, conversations repeat, and issues resurface, forcing leaders to step back in and make up for it. The business becomes dependent rather than empowered. Speed is rarely a capability problem; it is usually a clarity problem. When direction is stable and roles are defined, decision-making accelerates naturally. When they are not, friction increases quietly and consistently. In practical terms, this often shows up in small but telling ways: projects that pause because no one is certain who has final authority, meetings that end without clear next steps, or leaders who feel they must stay closely involved in every decision to maintain momentum. Over time, that drag compounds. What could have been resolved in a day takes a week, and what could have been delegated returns to the leadership team. Strong culture removes that drag by making ownership visible and expectations explicit. Culture Drives Retention and EngagementPeople rarely leave companies only because of pay; more often, they leave because of confusion, inconsistency, and environments where expectations shift weekly or standards remain unclear. Research consistently supports this: employees who feel connected to their culture are far less likely to look elsewhere, and engagement rises when people understand what matters, how success is measured and where they stand. Culture directly influences psychological safety, trust in leadership, ownership of outcomes and the willingness to challenge and improve. When those conditions are strong, performance follows; when they are weak, even talented people disengage. Culture Shows Up in Client ExperienceClients rarely see your strategy documents; they experience your culture. They notice whether communication is clear, whether follow-through is consistent and whether ownership is obvious or blurred. If internal alignment is weak, clients feel it quickly. Deadlines slip, messages conflict and standards vary. What feels like a service issue is often a culture issue. Culture and Financial PerformanceHigh-performing cultures tend to outperform over time, and organisations recognised for strong workplace cultures have consistently exceeded market averages. This is not because of surface-level perks; it is because of clarity, alignment and disciplined execution. Culture reduces internal friction, and when friction is reduced, focus increases, execution improves, and financial performance follows. The link is strong, even though culture is only one part of the wider performance equation. A Leadership RealityMany leaders try to improve results by adding activity: more marketing, more meetings, more reporting. But when the underlying culture is misaligned, additional activity simply amplifies the noise. Improving culture is not about motivational language; it is about structural clarity through clear direction, defined roles, stable priorities and explicit accountability. When those elements are in place, culture strengthens, and results follow. If performance feels harder than it should, if retention feels fragile or if client delivery feels inconsistent, culture is usually involved. And like any operating system, it can be redesigned deliberately, calmly and structurally. The post Why Company Culture Quietly Drives Results appeared first on Abundant Solutions. ]]> What Is Company Culture, Really? what-is-company-culture-really/ Wed, 29 Apr 2026 09:11:04 +0000 ?p=10290 The post What Is Company Culture, Really? appeared first on Abundant Solutions. ]]> Company culture is not your values on the wall. It is not the mission statement on your website. It is not the away day you held last year. And it is not whether people describe the office as friendly. Culture is what happens when you are not in the room. Some describe it as an organisation’s social operating system, the invisible set of expectations and behaviours that determine how work really gets done. It is how decisions get made, how pressure is handled, how conflict is resolved and what gets tolerated and what gets challenged. Many leaders think they have a culture problem, when in my experience, they usually have a clarity problem. Culture Is Repeated BehaviourStrip it back, and culture is repeated behaviour. If meetings start late every week, that is culture. If decisions get revisited three times, that is culture. If issues are discussed but never resolved, that is culture. If ownership is clear and people follow through, that is culture too. Culture is not what you say you value; it is what your business consistently does, and that behaviour is shaped by structure. In growing businesses, behaviour rarely drifts because people lack capability; it drifts because expectations are unclear or inconsistently reinforced. When leaders are explicit about standards and consistent in follow-through, behaviour stabilises. When they are vague or reactive, behaviour fragments. Over time, that fragmentation shows up as tension, delay and duplicated effort. Culture Is Created by What Leaders TolerateThis statement is the uncomfortable truth: whatever you tolerate becomes normal. If low standards are accepted or ignored, they spread; if accountability is optional, it becomes rare; and if strong performance is recognised and reinforced, it multiplies. Leaders shape culture far less through speeches and far more through their response to everyday situations. What you allow, what you question and what you follow up on sends a clear signal about what truly matters. Over time, those small moments compound and quietly define how the organisation behaves. Culture Is a System, Not a FeelingWhen culture feels off, leaders often focus on morale. But culture is not primarily emotional. It is structural. It is influenced by: Clear direction Defined roles Stable priorities Decision-making rhythm How problems are solved If direction shifts weekly, culture becomes reactive; when roles overlap, friction increases; and when recurring issues are never properly addressed, frustration builds. That is not a personality issue; it is a design issue. Culture is the output of how the business is built to operate. In practical terms, culture often reveals itself in small operational moments. Who prepares properly for meetings? Who owns the next step without being chased? How quickly are decisions escalated when something is unclear? These everyday habits tell you far more about culture than any value statement. When those habits are aligned, performance improves almost quietly; when they are misaligned, leaders find themselves compensating constantly. A Simple ReflectionIf you stepped away from your business for a week, what would continue? Would decisions still be made confidently? Would meetings still create momentum? Would accountability still hold? The honest answer to those questions is your culture, not the words, not the intent, but the behaviour. And here is the commercial reality. Culture drives speed, performance, retention and client experience. It affects how quickly opportunities are acted upon, how confidently teams make decisions and how consistently clients are served. A strong culture reduces friction within the business, allowing more energy to be directed outward toward growth. When culture is unclear, everything feels harder than it should, whereas when culture is aligned, the business moves with less friction. If you are noticing tension, recurring issues, or slow decision-making, it may not be a people problem but a clarity and structure problem, and that is fixable. The post What Is Company Culture, Really? appeared first on Abundant Solutions. ]]> Automation and Technology with Purpose automation-and-technology-with-purpose/ Wed, 05 Nov 2025 09:14:14 +0000 ?p=10035 Simplify. Connect. Work smarter. Technology should help your business run better. But if you’re constantly jumping between tools, fixing workarounds or chasing missing info, it’s easy to wonder — is all this tech actually helping? For many growing businesses, the answer is… not really. It’s not that the tools are wrong. It’s that they’ve been... The post Automation and Technology with Purpose appeared first on Abundant Solutions. ]]> Simplify. Connect. Work smarter. Technology should help your business run better. But if you’re constantly jumping between tools, fixing workarounds or chasing missing info, it’s easy to wonder — is all this tech actually helping? For many growing businesses, the answer is… not really. It’s not that the tools are wrong. It’s that they’ve been added reactively — one to fix sales, one to track customers, another to manage tasks — without ever stepping back to ask: does this all work together? When the Tools Start Running the Team Most businesses don’t set out to build a tangled tech stack. They add tools to solve specific problems. A CRM to track leads. A scheduling platform to keep projects on track. A dashboard to give visibility. Each tool has a purpose. But over time, the tools pile up. They stop talking to each other. The same info is entered three times. Teams follow different processes depending on which system they trust. And before you know it, your tech is driving your team instead of supporting them. The irony? You’ve got more software than ever — but less clarity, less time and more frustration. Technology Should Create Space, Not Stress Good tech doesn’t take over. It blends in. It simplifies how you work. It reduces manual effort. It helps people focus on what really matters — not navigating clunky systems or firefighting gaps. When automation and systems are designed with the right purpose, they create clarity. They make it easier to scale. They give your team confidence to make decisions because they know where to find what they need. It’s not about having the flashiest platforms. It’s about having the right ones — set up in a way that actually supports the way your business runs. Five Practical Steps to Make Tech Work for You Here’s where we start when helping clients get back in control: 1. Start with the problem, not the platform What’s slowing things down? Where are the gaps? Don’t choose tools based on hype. Choose based on need. 2. Simplify before you automate Messy processes don’t get better with automation — they just get faster at going wrong. Fix the flow first, then automate. 3. Choose tools that connect Integration matters. If your systems can’t talk to each other, you’ll always be patching holes. 4. Think about the user If your team hates using it, they’ll find ways around it. The best system is the one people actually use with ease. 5. Review regularly Your business evolves. So should your tools. What worked a year ago might now be slowing you down. When It All Starts to Click You’ll notice it quickly. Projects move faster. Communication improves. The handovers feel smoother. The team is less stressed. You’re not chasing spreadsheets or guessing what’s up next. You’re in control. And that gives you the headspace to focus on the bigger picture. Ready to Get Your Systems Working Smarter? At Abundant Solutions, we help small and growing businesses simplify their operations and build tech that fits. No jargon. No overengineering. Just smarter systems that create space, not stress. From process mapping to CRM design, we bring the clarity and hands-on support to make your tools work for you — not the other way around. The post Automation and Technology with Purpose appeared first on Abundant Solutions. ]]> Smart Segmentation: Reaching the Right People, the Right Way smart-segmentation-reaching-the-right-people-the-right-way/ Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:17:18 +0000 ?p=10015 You have built a database of contacts, leads and clients. That is a powerful start. But a list on its own doesn’t drive growth. Connection does. In a world full of noise, audiences expect relevance. They want to feel that you understand who they are, what they care about and why your message matters to... The post Smart Segmentation: Reaching the Right People, the Right Way appeared first on Abundant Solutions. ]]> You have built a database of contacts, leads and clients. That is a powerful start. But a list on its own doesn’t drive growth. Connection does. In a world full of noise, audiences expect relevance. They want to feel that you understand who they are, what they care about and why your message matters to them. That level of connection starts with segmentation. What Segmentation Really Means in 2025 Segmentation is not just splitting your contacts into lists. It is using insight to communicate with intent. Your audience moves between email, social media, websites and ads every day. When you align your message across these channels, each interaction feels consistent and personal. Modern segmentation uses data to serve the right message at the right time, across the platforms your audience actually uses. It means recognising who is new, who is loyal, who is drifting away and what each group needs to hear next. Why Blanket Marketing No Longer Works There was a time when sending one big campaign to everyone worked. Those days are over. Customers now expect relevance and permission. They want communication that respects their time and their privacy. Generic content feels lazy. Personalisation shows care. When people receive messages that match their interests or behaviour, they are more likely to open, click and trust your brand. You wouldn’t invite everyone you know to the same dinner party and serve them all the same meal. Some are vegetarian, some need gluten-free, and others have their own preferences. Segmentation works the same way. It is about knowing who is at the table and serving what makes sense for them. Data with Purpose Your CRM, website analytics and social insights are full of information about how people interact with your business. The key is not always collecting more data, but using it with purpose. Look at what each contact engages with and where they spend their attention. If someone regularly watches your videos, prioritise video content in their nurture flow. If another client has purchased recently, offer them value before another sale. And if someone has been quiet for months, give them a reason to re-engage or clean the list entirely. Good segmentation is a balance of empathy and evidence. It is not about automation replacing intuition, it is about technology supporting smarter decisions. The Human Side of Segmentation AI tools can help identify patterns, but the best marketing still starts with understanding people. Behind every click is a person with specific needs and motivations. Segmentation gives you the space to listen, respond and earn attention instead of demanding it. When your marketing respects where someone is in their journey, it builds trust. And trust is what turns communication into conversion. How to Take Segmentation Further You already know who your leads, clients and lapsed customers are – that is the foundation. But smart segmentation goes a step further. It helps you understand why each group behaves the way they do, and what they need from you next. Once you have your core categories in place, start layering context. Segment by product or service interest Look at what people have interacted with or purchased. If you know which services matter most to them, you can tailor messages that feel relevant instead of random. Segment by engagement Identify who is actively opening, clicking and responding – and who is not. It shows where your message is landing and where it is missing the mark. Segment by stage in the journey Leads need reassurance. Existing clients need value. Lapsed contacts need a reason to re-engage. When your communication matches their mindset, it feels considered, not automated. Segment by potential Spot your loyal customers and high-value prospects. These are the people who already trust you and who are most likely to buy again or refer others. Smart segmentation is about reading the signals, not relying on guesswork. It helps you reach the right people, with the right message, at the right time – and that is where genuine connection starts. What Happens When You Get It Right When you get segmentation right, your marketing feels natural. You know who you are talking to and what they need to hear. Your messages land, your database responds and your results grow. The post Smart Segmentation: Reaching the Right People, the Right Way appeared first on Abundant Solutions. ]]> Leadership and Team Alignment: How to Bring Everyone Back on the Same Page leadership-and-team-alignment-how-to-bring-everyone-back-on-the-same-page/ Sat, 01 Nov 2025 09:06:39 +0000 ?p=10032 As your business grows, things naturally get more complex. More people join. New systems creep in. The day-to-day starts to shift away from what it used to be. And suddenly, the tight-knit team that once moved as one starts to feel… out of sync. It’s rarely dramatic. But it’s there. Decisions take longer. Priorities blur.... The post Leadership and Team Alignment: How to Bring Everyone Back on the Same Page appeared first on Abundant Solutions. ]]> As your business grows, things naturally get more complex. More people join. New systems creep in. The day-to-day starts to shift away from what it used to be. And suddenly, the tight-knit team that once moved as one starts to feel… out of sync. It’s rarely dramatic. But it’s there. Decisions take longer. Priorities blur. Messages get muddled. You spot teams pulling in slightly different directions, even though everyone’s still working hard and doing their best. This isn’t about a lack of effort. It’s about a loss of alignment. Why Alignment Slips (and Why It Matters) Early on, alignment happens naturally. Everyone’s in the same room, solving the same problems. But as you grow, distance creeps in. Layers appear. Communication changes. The connection between the leadership vision and what’s actually happening on the ground starts to fade. People fill in the blanks in different ways. Leaders think the strategy is clear. Teams think they’re doing what’s expected. But without shared clarity, effort gets scattered. Alignment is what turns busy people into a united team. It’s the secret to better decisions, easier collaboration, and a culture that actually works. How to Bring Your Team Back Together Here are five simple ways to rebuild alignment. No jargon. No fluff. Just things that work. 1. Revisit Your ‘Why’ Remind people where you’re heading and why it matters. Don’t just write it on a wall. Make it part of your regular conversations. Link choices and plans back to the vision so it stays alive and relevant. 2. Get Clear on Roles Confusion kills confidence. Make sure everyone knows what their role really means. What they’re responsible for. How success is measured. Where the boundaries are. 3. Talk. For Real. Create space for open conversations between leaders and teams. Drop the corporate speak. Ask what’s working and what’s not. Listen like you mean it. 4. Lead the Way People watch what leaders do more than what they say. If your leadership team isn’t aligned, no one else will be. Show up consistently. Model the values. Back each other publicly. 5. Make Progress Visible When teams can see how their work contributes to the bigger picture, motivation grows. Use simple tools like a shared dashboard or a regular check-in to track progress together. What Happens When It Works When alignment is strong, everything feels easier. Meetings are shorter. Goals are clearer. Energy goes in one direction: forward. People feel part of something that matters. They take ownership. They care more. And your culture starts to reflect the business you’re trying to build. Need Help Getting Back on the Same Page? At Abundant Solutions, we help leaders reconnect their teams around a shared direction. From vision and values to communication rhythms and operational clarity, we bring people, strategy and culture together so the whole business moves with purpose. If things feel disjointed, we’re here to help you realign, rebuild trust and regain momentum. The post Leadership and Team Alignment: How to Bring Everyone Back on the Same Page appeared first on Abundant Solutions. ]]> Resilience in Uncertain Times: Building Strength When Things Keep Changing resilience-in-uncertain-times-building-strength-when-things-keep-changing/ Fri, 31 Oct 2025 14:45:17 +0000 ?p=10076 Every business goes through patches where things feel unpredictable. Markets shift. Costs rise. Clients change direction. What worked yesterday suddenly stops working today. In moments like these, the goal is not to eliminate uncertainty. It is to build the strength to move through it. Resilience is not just about surviving tough times. It is about... The post Resilience in Uncertain Times: Building Strength When Things Keep Changing appeared first on Abundant Solutions. ]]> Every business goes through patches where things feel unpredictable. Markets shift. Costs rise. Clients change direction. What worked yesterday suddenly stops working today. In moments like these, the goal is not to eliminate uncertainty. It is to build the strength to move through it. Resilience is not just about surviving tough times. It is about using them to become stronger, clearer, and more capable of what comes next. Why Resilience Matters More Than Ever Change is no longer an occasional event. It is constant. Economic conditions fluctuate, new technologies disrupt routines, and customer expectations continue to evolve. Businesses that can adapt quickly without losing focus are the ones that stay ahead. Resilient companies do not avoid challenges — they respond well to them. They anticipate problems, stay grounded under pressure, and recover faster. Resilience creates confidence. When your team knows it can handle disruption, you make better decisions and keep moving, even in uncertainty. Let’s Clear Up the Myths Resilience gets talked about a lot, but it is often misunderstood. It is not about pushing through with a smile or simply working harder. It is not about gritting your teeth and toughing it out alone. And it is definitely not about pretending everything is fine when it is not. True resilience is built on three things: Strong systems that hold up under pressure Leadership that balances clarity and empathy A culture that supports energy, learning, and adaptability This is not just about bouncing back. It is about building forward. Five Ways to Build Business Resilience Here’s how we help our clients build resilience into the way they lead and grow: 1. Create Clarity in Chaos When the future feels messy, people look for something solid. Be clear about what is changing — and what is not. Transparency brings calm. It helps your team focus and adapt, even in uncertainty. 2. Strengthen Your Core Systems Your processes, communication habits, and decision-making frameworks form the backbone of your business. Review and refine them regularly so they do not break when things get tough. 3. Stay Close to Your Clients and Team Resilience is relational. In challenging times, connection builds trust. Talk more, not less. Ask questions. Listen. Make decisions informed by real conversations, not assumptions. 4. Manage Energy, Not Just Time Your team is not a machine. High performance depends on rest and recovery. Build a culture where wellbeing is protected, not sacrificed. It is easier to stay steady when people are not burning out. 5. Learn and Adapt Continuously Every challenge teaches you something. After the dust settles, take time to reflect. What worked? What did not? What would you do differently? Build those lessons into your next move so your business grows stronger, not just older. The Outcome Resilience gives your business flexibility, stability and confidence. You can face change without losing momentum. You can handle pressure without draining your people. You turn setbacks into stepping stones — and disruption into opportunity. When resilience is part of your culture, your team feels supported, your systems stay strong,

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tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12345339Mon, 06 Jul 2026 21:44:54 +0000A Burning Patience"And, in the dawn, armed with a burning patience, we shall enter the splendid cities." -- Arthur Rimbaudnoreply@blogger.com (Lyle Daggett)Blogger185125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12345339.post-761058708015002636Tue, 17 May 2016 22:01:00 +00002016-05-17T17:01:02.227-05:00I'm still hereJust posting here to let anyone know (whoever is still dropping by from time to time) that I still haven't disappeared, I've just been spending time away from the computer and the internet for a while. I plan to be back, possibly fairly soon. We'll see how life goes.2016/05/im-still-here.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Lyle Daggett)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12345339.post-6158304580925427991Sun, 05 Apr 2015 15:35:00 +00002015-04-05T10:35:49.597-05:00AWP in Minneapolis, and recommended readingAgain I've been away from this blog longer than I'd intended. Much busy with writing, and reading, and life in general. I'll be attending the annual AWP conference this year, this coming week here in Minneapolis. Some general information for anyone not familiar with Minneapolis: most of the conference events will be at the Minneapolis convention center, at the southern edge of downtown. The weather here this time of year can be highly variable. The forecasts I've seen are saying high temps in the 50's, and lows in the 30's. Either rain or snow are possible this time of year. (This past week it got warm, up to 83 degrees one day, though that's not in the forecast for this coming week.) Most of the buildings in downtown Minneapolis are connected by enclosed overhead walkways (known locally as "skyways") at the second floor level of the buildings, which can be a big help if the weather turns nasty. The skyways are mostly open from early morning through early evening, though it varies somewhat. If you Google "minneapolis skyway" that should give a bunch of links to maps of the skyway system. The convention center is also connected to the skyways. A lot of the (relatively) cheaper places to eat are in the skyway/second floor level of the office buildings. You can get from the airport to downtown Minneapolis by the light rail train. Train fair is $2.25 during morning and evening rush hours, and $1.75 during non-rush hour times and all day on weekends. There are ticket machines on the station platforms. (At the airport, last I knew, the ticket machines are at the top of the escalator before you go down to the train station.) * If you're staying at any of the "official" AWP hotels downtown, or any other hotels nearby, you'll probably want to get off at the Nicollet Mall station downtown, and walk south. * Some of the AWP events I plan to check out are include: On Thursday, a 10:30 panel on "Robert Bly and the Minnesota Writers Publishing House," and a Tribute event (at 3:00) for poets Joy Harjo and Linda Hogan (both Harjo and Hogan are listed among the panel members); also, an offsite event, a Red Dragonfly Press Social and Reading, at 6:00 p.m. at the Gamut Gallery, 1006 Marquette Avenue (across the street from the Hilton hotel); On Friday, a panel on "James Wright in Minneapolis", at 1:30; On Saturday, "Writing into the World: Memoir, History and Private Life," a panel at 12:00 featuring poet Carolyn Forche among others; "Tribute to Tom McGrath," at 1:30, with panelists Mike Hazard, John Bradley, Michael Dennis Browne, and Ray Gonzales; a Robert Bly tribute event at 3:00; an at 8:00 p.m. a reading and conversation with Carolyn Forche and Kevin Young. The above are the highest-priority events for me; there are others I may also try to get to if I have the stamina and concentration. Plus there's the bookfair... * There are several poets and books of poems I've been trying to get to, to write about here. I've been slow and delinquent in this. Two I want to mention in particular that I highly hope to get to, and that I highly recommend: Lavando la Dirty Laundry by Natalia Trevino (should be a tilde over the n in her last name), published 2014 by <a href=" Empire Press</a> And Continuous Performance by Maggie Jaffe, a selected poems from her body of work, published 2014 by <a href=" Dragonfly Press</a>. * Anyway I'm still here. Hoping to get back here shortly and say some more.2015/04/awp-in-minneapolis-and-recommended.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Lyle Daggett)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12345339.post-1054593386662749517Sun, 28 Dec 2014 03:18:00 +00002014-12-27T21:18:38.929-06:00Petrified TimeThis past fall I read Petrified Time by Yannis Ritsos, translated by Martin McKinsey and Scott King, published in 2014 by <a href=" Dragonfly Press</a>. This is one of the strongest translations of Ritsos that I've read, and one of the books of poems published this past year that spoke to me most powerfully. (The book includes the original Greek along with the English translations.) Yannis Ritsos spent periods of his life on various prison islands in Greece for his left-wing political activites, imprisoned for left-wing political activities along with many other members of the left-wing resistance. The poems in Petrified Time come from a period of roughly four years of imprisonment in the late 1940's and early 1950's, including a year in the particularly brutal prison on Makronisos. The poems evoke a deeply rooted endurance, a love and embrace of the hearts and lives of the vast majority of the people of the world, in quiet stubborn defiance of all efforts to crush the fires of life. From the poem "Things We Know": A sun of stone went with us scorching the desert wind and thorns. The afternoon hung from the sea's selvage like a bare yellow bulb in some deep forest of memory. We had no time for such things -- but even so now and then we'd look up, and there on our blankets with the dirt, the oil stains and the olive pits a few willow leaves, a few pine needles remained. [...] [...] Yet we knew that off at the great crossroads was a city lit by a thousand colored lights where people greet you with the simple nod of the forehead -- we recognize them by their hands by the way they cut their bread by the shadows they cast on the dinner table as every voice grows sleepy in their eyes and a lonely star makes a cross on their pillow. We know them by the strife that furrows their brow but more than that -- when the night sky deepens overhead we know them by their poised, conspiratorial manner as they slip their heart like an illegal leaflet under the world's closed door. Much of the poetry of Yannis Ritsos has been translated into English during the past half century; too often, translators blur or miss entirely the political weight his poems carry. (I've written about Ritsos previously in this blog, <a href="2005/05/translating-yannis-ritsos.html">here</a>.) Ritsos was a Communist, and remained one to the end of his life; he remained fully committed to the promise (not yet realized) of remaking the world in the name and interests of the billions of us who daily make and build the world with our hands and feet and minds and voices and hearts. One of the things I especially like about McKinsey and King's translation of Petrified Time is that the political intent of the poems if not obscured overlooked. Comrades, they forced us to remain silent. We had no chance to give voice to our song. As usual, the afternoon fills with dust, dust from the traffic of mothers in black dresses returning from Averoff Prison or Hadzikosta Hospital or the Department of Transfers, grieving mothers in black dresses, with their hearts wrapped in handkerchiefs like crusts of dry bread, bread so hard Death can't chew it. Comrades, they are forcing us to remain silent. They are forcing away our sun. They don't want us to give voice to our song -- the one that begins simply, with strength and bitterness: Workers of the world, unite! At night, when an illicit moon rises above the horizon without a word, The shadow from a gigantic crutch is etched onto the rocks of Makronisos. "We could make this crutch into a ladder," Vangelis suggests, leaning toward Petros' ear, as if giving voice to the first line of our future song. Comrades, it's getting late. It's very late. We must give voice to our song. (From the poem "Duty".) In the daily struggle of living in the world, hope and fatigue come and go. Some days it's a little easier to face the first morning light than other days; some evenings the gathering dark weighs heavier than other nights. In his poems Ritsos and the others imprisoned with him persist and endure, but at no time is he fully outside of the experience. During the days and nights on an island of rock and wind and relentless sun, amid tents sloping toward the sea, surrounded by arms soldiers and barbwire, at no time does he in any way soften or romanticize what is hard and difficult and oppressive. A crumb of death in our pockets -- we go unshaven. Where is there a stalk of wheat to bend on its knees to heaven? Night is slow to fall. The shadows can't hide the hardness of the rock. The dead man's canteen is swallowed up in the sand. The moon anchored on another shore, rocked to and fro by the calm's little finger. But what shore? and what calm? Our thirst was great as we sweated all day at the stone. Beneath our thirst lay the roots of the world. (From the poem "The Roots of the World".) This is a book of poems about remaining alive and thriving in spite of crushing work and crushing monotony. This is a book of poems about continuing to seek possibilities when none offer themselves, or when possibility itself seems to be held incommunicado behind arms guard and barbwire. Yannis Ritsos published over a hundred books during his lifetime -- poetry, essays, drama, autobiography, translations of other poets into Greek. Certain images recur throughout the whole body of his work, in perpetual variation -- sun and sea and stone and wind, moon and movements in the night, long days and nights of watching and waiting and making ready. Behind the ever-present imagery are the years on the prison isles, the sea viewed through barbwire, the sun on the bare backs of forced labor, a group of prisoners taken away to be shot. One month, two months... then many more. We measured them by hauling both stones and fears on our shoulders, by tapping a hooked finger along the side of the clay pitcher to hear the sound of water just as we listen for the voice of our wife behind a door, just as our wife listens for the voices of even the smallest of stars, just as the stars listen for the bleating of flocks at dusk. [...] [...] If only we were less thirsty, it wouldn't occupy our minds, if only there was one tree on the hillside or at the top of the island, if only there was a handful of shade, and less bitterness, and less injustice. We've forgotten the shape of a tree -- is it, perhaps, like a large banner of water? or like a "Thank you" that someone said to you in the past? or like a lover's hand searching for your hand? In the future, we'll plant thousands of trees. (From the poem "Noon".) In the aftermath of the Second World War, a civil war ensued in Greece, between the populist and labor-oriented political movements of the political left and the right-wing political movements of corporate capitalism and the military; Greece wasn't the only place in the world where this was going on during those years. The business class and military prevailed, in part due to economic and military backing they received from the U.S. government and allies of the U.S. This is some of the wider background to how Yannis Ritsos and thousands of others were sent to prison on islands of rock hammered daily by the sun. * I hadn't intended to let six months pass since my last post in this blog. To any of may have come by looking for anything new during this time, my thanks -- I haven't gone away, just had a few months submerged in the various things of life. I'm still here and will keep posting things in this blog as I'm able to. I don't plan to let six months go again until the next blogpost. Winter solstice in the northern hemisphere; here in Minneapolis, it's dark when I leave for work in the morning, and dark when I get home in the evening. By the end of January the daylight will have advanced enough so that there will be at least a glow of light in the west, on clear evenings anyway, as I'm getting home in the evening. Poetry is everywhere. There is nowhere on earth that it doesn't belong. * I'll finish with a few more lines by Yannis Ritsos from Petrified Time. The days come and go. The rock never changes. Sometimes a ship sails past, or a cloud -- leaving behind it a scrap of shade, a little window onto a memory of trees. Nothing ever changes. Neither heart nor rock changes. [...] [...] Evening folds up its red banner. Once again we will sleep with a stone between our teeth, with the sea's breathing at the back of our ears. Brothers, whatever comes now will find us with our bundles slung over our shoulders, and in those bundles, all of our hearts turning our pledge to Democracy over in our minds the way we twist our finger in the buttonhold of a friend's jacket not because we have nothing to say but because of all the love we feel for him -- and so it is: when we love we cannot speak, we toy with a branch of wild olive, scratch a name in the dirt, and it's always the same, and we'll always be ready, and it's always the name of Freedom. (From the poem "Ready".) 2014/12/petrified-time.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Lyle Daggett)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12345339.post-5971357421675026671Wed, 02 Jul 2014 04:08:00 +00002014-07-01T23:08:00.855-05:00Savage CoastI've been away from this blog longer than I'd intended to be -- I've been caught up in daily life stuff again, and doing much reading in "spare time." One of the books I read this past spring, and really liked, is Savage Coast by Muriel Rukeyser (2013, <a href=" Feminist Press at the City University of New York</a>). Savage Coast is a novel based on Rukeyser's experiences in northeastern Spain (Barcelona and the Catalonia region in general) for a few days at the time of the outbreak of the Spanish Civil War in July, 1936. The Spanish Civil War is a large subject; during the years the war took place, roughly July 1936 through early 1939, it became a gravity point for the international political Left, as volunteers from many countries joined the International Brigades and travelled to Spain, and entered full and brutal military war against Fascist armies (led by upper-ranking officers of Spain's military) who were trying to overthrow the elected government. Rukeyser's novel gives a deeply close-up and personal account, full of remarkable detail, sometimes almost random, sometimes carefully observed and chosen. The overall arc of the story moves from chaos and isolation and vague gestures to sharp vision and collective movement and clarity of purpose. It is a radically political novel, clearly and intentionally, both in the intimately personal-is-political sense and in the public activist communal sense. Rukeyser travelled to Spain in July 1936 to write and report about an alternative People's Olympics that had been organized in Spain, as a protest and defiance against the "official" summer Olympics that were taking place that year in Germany (and were being used as a propaganda device by the Nazi government there). The lead character in the novel, named Helen, is loosely based on Rukeyser herself, and a number of the other major characters are based on real people who also were there, though Rukeyser says in a short note at the front of the book, "None of the persons are imaginary, but none are represented at all photographically; for any scenes or words in the least part identifiable, innumerable liberties and distortions may be traced." In the first half of the book the story action takes place mostly on a train after it has entered northeastern Spain; much of the time is spent at a small village where the train has halted because war has broken out further south, and because of a general labor strike in much of the country as a protest against the attempted Fascist counter-revolution. The people do what people do: the passengers on the train try to find information, food, places to sleep, in the village and in whatever small supplies they have with them on the train; the people in the town cope with the sudden influx of visitors as best they're able. Here's a brief passage from early in the book, to give a little flavor of Rukeyser's writing: All the passengers in third were filling the aisle now, crowding out the open windows, talking to the groups whose heads could be seen, banked thick against the sides of the train, standing on both sides of the station platform. Helen pushed back through the swarming cars, through the holiday knots, laughter, gossip. An arm reached out and seized her wrist. Igt was the tight-skinned Hungarian, the manager. "Have you heard the rumors?" he shouted, over the laughter and talk. "All sorts of rumors, already. The English are saying that the Communists have bombed the tracks and that we can't go farther; and I heard the Frenchman say that the engineer has gone on strike, and won't move the train until he gets some kind of extravagant promise." He fanned himself with the straw hat. "But come in and meet our team anyway." The Hungarians were standing, politeness and warmth ran around the compartment. The fine-faced printer was introduced. "It looks like something real," he said. "But obviously nobody knows that. You probably ought to find the other Americans." "I know one of them," said Helen. "I wish you'd go down and reassure her. She's on her way to the bullfights, and she turned into jelly when they searched the train." "They were absolute correct to search the train," the printer answered. They destroyed some snapshots we were taking, too. Last spring, they said, the Fascists caught a lot of photographs of armed civilians, and anyone whose face was clear got his. They're not taking any chances." "But if you've been talking with them --" Helen cried, her face darkening with excitement. "What do they say is happening?" "They only said that," the printer told her. He was a young student, from his look, his earnest clear glance, but the marks about his mouth and his darkened, blunt fingers showed how long he had spent at work; he looked straightforward at Helen now, obviously telling all he knew. "They were ordered to go through the train; for all they knew, the girl said, it's just an examination, and we'll go right on through to Barcelona." As I read the book, I kept thinking of the word "cinematic" to describe the shifts in scene, the dialogue that often seems carefully written and offhand at the same time, the changes in view from long shot to close-up to angular glance to clear simple frame, again both carefully set up and almost randomly occurring. Muriel Rukeyser was in Spain for a few days. During that time, she met a man from Germany, Otto Boch, a runner who had come to Spain for the Olympics. They became lovers. Boch stayed, and joined the anti-Fascist International Brigades, and was killed in the civil war. One of the characters in Savage Coast is a German runner based on Boch, and in novel he and Rukeyser's character Helen become lovers. Some years later, in the late 1940's after the Spanish Civil War and the Second World War, Rukeyser dedicated her poem cycle Elegies to Otto Boch. In the second half of the novel, Helen and her several traveling companions find a way to Barcelona, a city bright and joyous with popular insurgence; the city shows marks of recent fighting, and there is still danger from Fascist snipers and abductors. The days become filled with large public gatherings, official ceremonies, following rumors and threads of news reports, as the weight of the mounting events of the larger world grows ever greater. And mingled with this, the realization by the many visitors that they'll need to decide, and soon, whether to leave for home or to stay and join the coming storm. Here's another passage from the book; the scene takes place on the first morning after Helen and others from the train have arrived in Barcelona: Helen went immediate to the window, hauled up the venetian blind, and stood in the broad panel of sunlight the struck across the room. The gunfire continued. Facing her, a curved wall of arches surprised her, thrown block-long and receding; it took her a second to recognize the tiers and galleries of the arena, the slim pillars which were so perfect for snipers. Her eye ran over the shaded colonnade with animal speed: she had become vigilant, it gave her a tremendous sense of health and freshness to wake without fear and speculate on concealed rifles. The angle of the Olympic cut down across her view to the right, and she could see nothing but a boarded up café, a filling station, and the radiator and front wheels of the overturned car. But to the left lay the new city, ruled square, block after block of new apartment houses patched white with flags of truce. Behind them stood the high fortress on its strip of cliff, cutting the mountain range abruptly to an end. Olive and Peter were lying awake in bed. "That was the seven o'clock bell, wasn't it?" "That was the beginning of the shooting," laughed Olive. Correct response, thought Helen. She came over to the window in Helen's room. "They said something about leaving the blinds drawn." "I don't know," Helen said slowly. "I don't mind an open window on a street, so much, today." "I think I'm finished with all that too. Peter and I were walking to dinner when we missed you; Peter had just said something about the truck-ride and fear when a car came up. The driver asked us to get in, and we didn't think anything of it. There was a guard with a submachine gun; everything seemed proper until they started driving and took us miles through the country, or park -- darkness, anyway. They didn't say a word to us. Then we began to remember things -- we hadn't noticed the initials on the car, fascists can drive cars too, we didn't speak Catalan, the car had only one door -- all of those things." "It's a big park," Helen said. "A goddamned big park. But it may have cured me." They hung out the window. At the filling station, cars and trucks were already lined up, C.N.T and U.G.T cars for the most part, and the proprietor and two assistants were supplying them, lifting the dripping nozzle out of one tank and dropping it into the next without bothering to check the stream of gas. "They're going to run short of cars," Helen remarked under the grinding of gears as they rushed down the street." "The state's requisitioning cars from dealers," said Peter, from bed. "There was a Ford sign on the road." Helen knew she would always have this first morning of complete confidence. Peter and Olive had it too, she saw, reading their faces. One more lie to hold against the books! she reflected; the foolish irrelevant stories of people's characters changing like wind which shifts. She had wanted a life for herself, and found she was unequipped; and adjusting her wants, cared to be a person prepared for that life. I want greatness, she thought, the rich faces of the living. All the tenseness stood in the way, and see how it removes! One morning, and the fear of death is replaced. Rukeyser wrote Savage Coast immediately after her return from Spain in 1936. Early reactions from at least one reader of the manuscript, and one potential publisher, were strongly negative -- likely reacting against the left-leaning politics of the novel, as much as against the courage and joy and audacity of a woman making a strong clear statement -- and she put the novel away among her papers, and it remained mostly unknown, and unpublished, during her lifetime and for several decades after that. The edition published by The Feminist Press has been edited with skill and sensitivity by Rowena Kennedy-Epstein, and includes an Introduction by Kennedy-Epstein and useful endnotes. Over the years Rukeyser wrote several journalistic articles about her days in Spain in 1936, and the Feminist Press edition includes one of these at the end of the book, "We Came for the Games: A Memoir of the People's Olympics, Barcelona, 1936," originally published in Esquire magazine in October 1974. The Feminist Press has also published a booklet of several other short pieces by Muriel Rukeyser, <a href=", 1936" and Selections from the Spanish Civil War Archive</a>, Series 2, Number 6, published in the Lost and Found series of the CUNY Center for the Humanties, Spring 2011. Both articles help highlight how closely Rukeyser held to the essential facts of the events that occurred during her days in Spain, including many critical details of dialogue, descriptions of buildings and people and public places, and so on. The "Barcelona, 1936" pamplet includes, among other things, an image of a hand-drawn map of the small town where the train waited for a few days. I'll finish here with one further passage from near the end of the novel; the scene is a large public gathering in Barcelona, in which speakers recount the difficult previous days and the hard time of struggle that waits ahead. This section of the novel includes interspersed lists of names of people in Spain who had died during the previous days of fighting. They could not be seen, they could not yet be heard; it was the cry advancing with them, its front advancing as their front rank came up, that made them known: a great female animal cry, victorious wail of spectators, the city acclaim of those on the edge and sympathetic, who still have throats to cheer, while those silent fighters pass between their lines. And now the "Internationale" sprang up, strange, in foreign inflections, as the Norwegians began to sing, changing the wordfall, the sound, almost the song itself. The Dutch, and the Hungarians; picked it up, unfamiliar, only the form carrying it through, the marching tune. The French were missing. But it reached the crowd of Belgians, the song came nearer, the great crying welcome to the army came, mixing, until the chorus became a crying greet: "C'est la lutte finale, "Groupon-nous, et demain," ...El directive de la C.N.T. Francisco Acaso, Eduardo Gorgot, José Biota, Javier Noguera, Alejandro Prodonis y Fuentes, Concepción Canet y Alcaráz, Vicente Vásquez, Salvador Guerrero, José González y Valencia, Enrique Arnau y Erude, Julián Gil y González... "L'Internationale..." Here! The first line of set faces, brackets of arms set in perpetual fist, red bands about the head, straight stony foreheads dark. "Sera le genre humain..." In a high sung note, praising, crying, speeding an army of unarmed men, who walked rope-soled, blankets slung at the shoulder, their women with them, a few, among them, a few, running beside in the blaze, past the shining confiscated roadsters, the homemade armored cars, the lines of spectators, and the Olympic lines who backed them, singing the unique song, finally arriving to the double English version, the English and Americans singing, welcoming, as the army passed; an army, not in the pathetic small battalions of the night before, but rounded up, strong in numbers, unshakeable, but barely clothed, barely helmeted, barely armed. They passed for minutes, the lines of soldiers, passing to a new phase of war. The city was strong now in its own defense; in a day, eferything would be running once more, the city would be held; but these were going to be the outer front. Almost exhausted by the internal battle, with the strenuous look of purity on their faces, they must be renewed to the next front. They must be renewed. They must be enough. * I've written about Muriel Rukeyser previously in this blog, <a href="2007/01/all-shimmering-names.html">here</a>, and <a href="2014/03/muriel-rukeysers-elegies.html">here</a>. There's a great deal of information and general background on the internet about the Spanish Civil War, with varying reliability. A good place to start is the website of the Abraham Lincoln Brigade Archive, <a href=";. The Lincoln Brigade was the name taken by many of the volunteers from the United States who went to Spain to join the international struggle against the Fascist military invasion. The Lincoln Brigade website includes history, educational materials, current upcoming events related to study of the Spanish Civil War, links to other online sources, and other material. 2014/07/savage-coast.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Lyle Daggett)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12345339.post-9135190768110206370Wed, 16 Apr 2014 02:03:00 +00002014-04-15T21:03:19.840-05:00A few paragraphs from John BergerHere are a few paragraphs from the British Marxist art critic John Berger, from his essay "A Professional Secret," in his Selected Essays published 2001 by Vintage Books. Berger talks here primarily about some of his encounters with paintings, visual art; his comments surely are relevant to poetry writing and other creative work as well. I've read much of John Berger's writing over the years, mostly his art criticism and other essays, also his novel From A to X, which I loved. I often go to his writing when I need to clear my mind, sharpen my critical thought, step back and get some perspective on things. I've learned a great deal from Berger's work, about looking at art and looking at the world. In his essay "A Professional Secret," originally published in 1987, Berger begins by talking about a painting by Hans Holbein he wants to go and see in Switzerland (he's lived for many years in the foothills of the French Alps). He arrives in Berne, discovers the Holbein painting is in a different city in Switzerland, so he and his companion go and visit an art museum in Berne. He talks a little about painted Christian images of violence and brutality (depictions of Christian martyrs, the crucifixion, etc.) -- the contradictory nature of such images, such subject matter painted so beautifully -- and then he asks: "how can the brutal be made visibly acceptable?" Berger continues: The question begins with the Renaissance. In medieval art the suffering of the body was subservient to the live of the soul. And this was an article of faith which the spectator brought with him to the image; the life of the soul did not have to be demonstrated in the image itself. A lot of medieval art is grotesque -- that is to say a reminder of the worthlessness of everything physical. Renaissance art idealizes the body and reduces the body to gesture. (A similar reduction occurs in Westerns: see John Wayne or Gary Cooper.) [...] At the beginning of the nineteenth century Goya, because of his unflinching approach to horror and brutality, was the first modern artist. Yes those who look at his etchings would never choose to look at the mutilated corpses they depict with such fidelity. So we are forced back to the same question, which one might formulate differently: how does catharsis work in visual art, if it does? Berger then says, in effect, that catharsis doesn't work in art: "Paintings don't offer catharsis. They offer something similar, but different." Berger mentions several paintings in the museum, from the late nineteenth century and the twentieth century: Courbet, Monet, Braque, Klee, Rothko. Quoting Berger again:<b

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tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390Wed, 09 Oct 2024 02:36:36 +0000Look me in the eyePTSPTSD16 DAYS INSPIRATION5 DucksANDROPHOBIACPTSDCPTSD-SURVIVORChildrenDay EightDay ElevenDay FifteenDay FiveDay Four. Journey to the TempleDay FourteenDay NineDay OneDay SevenDay SixDay SixteenDay TenDay ThirteenDay Three. The JourneyDay TwelveDay TwoFood for thoughtGET OVER ITGay HusbandsGenerational TraumaISSUES OF FAITHIgnoranceIn My Sisters ShoesInterview Dr. Sam VakninMeditation: Walk with meNARCISSISTIC NIGHTMARENarcissist Video'sNightmaresPrincess DianaSuccess StoryTemporary InsanityTriggersWonderful TestimonyAbuse is no excuseThe battle to survive an abusive relationship goes way beyond just leaving.noreply@blogger.com (Caryl)Blogger88125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-7212981617039646890Fri, 06 Oct 2017 18:41:00 +00002017-10-06T11:41:57.101-07:00CPTSDComplex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> I'm sorry I can't make this any bigger but here is the <a href=" you can go there yourself and read up about Complex Post Traumatic Disorder -CPTSD and  BPD -Borderline Personality Disorder.</div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> If your therapist isn't correctly diagnosing your condition how can they treat you correctly. We cannot sit back and wait for miracles, we have to do our own research to find the solutions we are so desperately searching for. In my own case once I was diagnosed with CPTSD,  my therapy went into a whole new direction and healing came slowly but progressively over time. Can we heal? Yes absolutely.</div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1207" data-original-width="1600" height="301" src="; width="400" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1429" data-original-width="604" height="640" src="; width="270" /></a></div> 2017/10/complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-4758356588924477095Wed, 13 Sep 2017 09:52:00 +00002017-09-13T02:53:10.902-07:00GET OVER ITCPTSD - STOP BEING SO JUDGEMENTAL This is an extremely difficult condition to live with and the judgements from others make it so much more difficult, forcing those who suffer into silence and seclusion. Suicide is a always an option for those who cannot escape the symptoms or the <a href=" Judgements</a> from others. If you are struggling, or you know someone who has been diagnosed professionally with PTSD or CPTSD,  please click on the link and perhaps save someone's life. 2017/09/cptsd-stop-being-so-judgemental.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-8794971181382243509Sat, 19 Aug 2017 08:57:00 +00002017-08-19T10:15:38.853-07:00CPTSD-SURVIVORCPTSD -COMPLEX POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER SURVIVORThis is probably one of the most vulnerable posts I have ever made and my reason for doing so, is to share it with a group on FB, with a lot of other people who suffer with CPTSD, in the hope that it will help save someone's life. ..........................................YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE............................................................... THE DETAILS OF MY STORY ARE IN MY BOOK. My therapist said that I have probably suffered with this condition most of my life, but it was undiagnosed. The first signs or symptoms started when I was about 6 years old and my mother was married to the first of 2 step fathers. Their relationship was very violent and my step fathers behaviour with me was sexually highly inappropriate, that's when my nightmares first started and have continued periodically for 60 years. Although I 'existed' from that time onwards, I never ever felt normal. The symptoms of CPTSD plagued me my whole life, manifesting when triggered severely. Because my condition was undiagnosed no one else knew how much I struggled. I want to share the extreme torment I went through, alone. At 18 I had a nervous breakdown, attempted suicide by slashing my wrists to the bone and spent time in a psychiatric hospital having shock treatment. (CPTSD went undiagnosed.) I walked out of hospital and had to hide the symptoms as best as I could, never sharing with anyone, least of all my family, the extreme struggles with nightmares, panic attacks and an eating disorder, just in case I was sent to a mental home. My first marriage was to an extremely abusive man who became the father of my 2 oldest children.  I suspect he suffered with CPTSD as well and NPD. We knew nothing of those conditions back then. He was extremely aggressive and had constant nightmares from his experiences during the war in Angola. 6 years into our marriage I was told about the physical and sexual abuse he suffered as a child and I wasn't told by him, but a relative. This explains his alcoholic, controlling, violent, jealous, lack of trust behaviour that destroyed our marriage. Huge triggers for me as this marriage was a carbon copy of my childhood experience with my step father. Soon after my divorce I attempted suicide again, cutting my wrists again and taking an over dose to help it along. I spent a short time in a psychiatric hospital, but again CPTSD was undiagnosed. I truly believe that from that time onwards my condition was extremely severe and I just wasn't able to function like normal people. This condition actually caused the breakdown of my second marriage and not the financial problems. I was diagnosed with Petimol Epilepsy and put on medication, which I discovered after 30 years is a mood stabiliser prescribed also for patients with PTSD. I was told I had Petimol Epilepsy,  NOT CPTSD. My third marriage and the most traumatic was to a man diagnosed with NPD. I had no idea what that was and had never heard of the condition. I suspect looking back that he had CPTSD too, the same as my first husband. 14 years of torture. My own symptoms on a scale of 0 - 10 throughout that marriage were probably a 10. After my divorce they shot up to 20 and remained that way for 10 years. I was completely unable to function and suicide was a daily consideration. For 63 years I had seen 5 psychiatrists, 2 neurologists, 7 psychologists, read hundreds of books like, Why am I afraid to tell you who I am, The 5 love languages, The Cindarella Complex, Co Dependent No more.... and hundreds more. I have been hospitalised 4 times,  attempted suicide 4 times. I AM SO ANGRY that for 60 years not one single doctor mentioned PTSD let alone CPTSD.  Why did they not diagnose my condition? MY CONDITION WAS CAUSED BY THE NEGLECT, SEXUAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE INFLICTED ON ME BY OTHER PEOPLE, I WAS NOT BORN THIS WAY.  Men and women have suffered and lost their lives from this condition for centuries. Well I won't harp on about that, I am grateful to be alive. I did survive. My life isn't perfect this condition has cost me dearly, but I have 3 beautiful daughters, 4 gorgeous grandchildren, 2 lovely son in laws, a handful of patient, loving understanding friends and 2 family members who have not judged me. There has to be a GOD because He orchestrated miraculously my introduction to Dr. Annemarie Norvello who treated me for this condition for 3 years, not once a month or twice a month, but every single week. I am alive because I never gave up and neither did she, I left no stone unturned. There was no FACEBOOK GROUP in my journey to heal, but there are many groups today that offer support. Use them. Not once in 10 years did I suppress my trauma with, denial, drugs, alcohol or new relationships, but if that's what you do, DON'T beat yourself up, this is an incredibly difficult illness to cure. Just take one day at a time,  by choosing to do the right thing. Loving yourselves enough to follow through with treatment.  I share my complete story in my book LOOK ME IN THE EYE -Caryl Wyatt and I have shared my healing journey too. I pray sincerely if you are reading this, you won't give up, but that you will believe with the right treatment, you can heal your life too. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1288" data-original-width="1289" height="319" src="; width="320" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="627" height="400" src="; width="261" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> Click on the link below</div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href=" ME IN THE EYE - Caryl Wyatt</a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> Footnote: I did'nt win any prizes for being the best mother in the world, but my daughters always knew I absolutely loved and adored them enough to fight for them.</div> 2017/08/cptsd-complex-post-traumatic-disorder.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-55339795308130777Mon, 17 Jul 2017 16:21:00 +00002017-07-17T09:22:55.757-07:00Generational TraumaGenerational TraumaThe idea that we can carry generational trauma is not a great thought for anyone, when does it end. It makes me wonder? The Bible speaks of the sins of the forefathers being cast upon up to the forth generation. The things our parents struggled with become our problem, no one likes that idea, but it's the truth. None of us escape 'doing the work'. The work of owning our own stuff and working through it. The bible also says, 'work out your own salvation with fear and trembling', that means 'own your stuff' and work through it without blaming anyone. Click on the link to find out more about generational trauma. <a href=" Family Trauma</a>2017/07/generational-trauma.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-7758970836998483877Mon, 17 Jul 2017 14:26:00 +00002017-07-17T07:58:20.949-07:00TriggersMental illness isn't funny<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="416" data-original-width="600" height="276" src="; width="400" /></a></div> What's the difference between a mental illness and a sense of humour? It's too late to ask Robin Williams but I can try and tell you. As a young child both my brother and I had an incredible sense of humour. I used to laugh at him a lot, though he didn't find me very funny. Throughout my life, if you asked all the people who have known me, they would tell you I have a good sense of humour. The problem is that at times I didn't know what was funny and what was a diversion from my pain. The thing is, neither did anyone else which made it difficult for me to communicate effectively, my struggles with CPTSD. There have been times in my life that I've done some pretty bazaar things, which others found amusing but in my heart I know came from extreme stress and anxiety and not from a humorous place. There are two stories that I can remember in particular. A friend of mine was getting married and at her bachelorette she had 2 male strippers. The function was held in my home. After the strippers finished their little act, I went upstairs and dressed up like a stripper,  nothing over the top, but very high shoes, teased big hair and heavy make up. Requesting that the male stripper sit in a chair I proceeded to act out a lap dance. Of course all the guests found it very amusing, but one of my daughters did not, she was highly embarrassed. On another occasion I went to the theatre with my ex husband and some friends. That night I was carrying a very pretty and unusual handbag that I loved. During the interval I went to the bathroom and a lady made an incredible fuss about my bag, saying it was the most exquisite bag she had ever seen. I looked at her grubby bag and asked her go give it to me. I emptied the contents of both bags out on the basin and filled my bag with all her goodies and gave it to her. Putting all my things into her bag I said 'you can have it'. While she stood in absolute shock I turned and walked out of the rest room. There are so many stories similar to these two. Of course other people wouldn't think much about these two examples, but years later when I started therapy I looked back over my life at all these incidents and I wept, with a broken heart, for my inner child,  constantly using humour to mask the pain.  Both these incidents and many more happened during my 3rd marriage to a man I absolutely adored, but who tortured my soul daily. When I was in therapy, I shared these stories with embarrassment, to my therapist. My question to her was why? She had no problem with anything I shared with her, if I was happy with the memories, which I wasn't, but I needed to understand why I had behaved so out of character on so many occasions. It wasn't difficult for her to explain, it was my way of coping with extreme anxiety and in all situations I was hugely triggered. Most people who don't suffer with PTSD or CPTSD wouldn't understand, what is a trigger, it's different for each victim, but I'm going to try and explain one of my biggest triggers by unravelling one of my worst  - crowds of people. Therapist : what is it about crowds that makes you anxious, what are crowds normally doing. Me: shopping, watching sport, at a concert, having a party. Therapist : what are they doing that you find stressful. Me: they are drinking or if they are shopping they are spending money. Therapist : why does that upset you? Me : because the drinking gets more and more out of control, everyone gets drunk, there is going to be an argument which might lead to someone being beaten up. If they are spending money it reminds me of the shopping sprees my husband used to go on where he spent so much money in a short space of time, on anything from a suit to a building. He had the money and never ever discussed with me what he spent it on. It was overwhelming. Therapist : why was that a problem for you? Me : because when people drink, the violence and abuse was often directed at me, from my husband, from my ex husband, from my mother and my step fathers. My 2 abusive husbands earned the money and I had no say how they spent it. I felt powerless. (I feel anxious even now while writing this). When my anxiety went through the roof that is when I would use humour to mask my anxiety. I've learned over time,  how to manage these triggers, but there are many many more. So specifically what triggered me on those two occasions? Both those incidents happened a few months before my marriage ended. The tension was mounting and I'd discovered some sordid truths. Everything was a repeat of what I'd been through with my first husband, I was re living the trauma, all over again. 2017/07/mental-illness-isnt-funny.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-2211355204196230662Wed, 12 Jul 2017 19:30:00 +00002017-07-12T12:36:29.825-07:00In My Sisters ShoesIn My Sisters ShoesThe other night I was thinking about my brothers, all 5 of them and wondering why we just aren't close and never have been. There is no doubt we love each other but none of us really connect. I have always thought it was because I was the girl, but it's more than that, we are all very different. <div> Then I started to think about my 3 daughters and how different they are too, but they adore each other and quite honestly when they were growing up, as a mother I worked really hard to help them respect and love each other as sisters, even if there were times they didn't particularly like each other. </div> <div> As they have got older and two of them have a family the differences between them are even greater. Sometimes they don't get along as well as I would like them too, life is busy and my daughter that isn't married often feels very left out.</div> <div> When we are in pain we often wish others could understand what we are feeling and going through, but each person is in their own world doing their own thing, the best they can.</div> <div> There have been times in my life when the pain was so bad and I wasn't getting the comfort from family that I needed, it would make me really angry, I'd feel sorry for myself and decide I didn't even care if I never saw them again. Pain does that, it can separate us from people we care deeply about.</div> <div> It's different today, in the process of understanding the Bible, which says we are to forgive 70 x 70, not in a life time,  but in a day if we have to. Many times when trying to fall asleep at night I would imagine myself literally in the shoes of who ever it was that I needed love and acceptance from, imagining what their life was like and how they had to cope with their own struggles. My attitude would often change instantly. There us so much we don't know about what goes on in other people's lives and how they feel, day to day.</div> <div> My prayer for my daughters would be that they understand, having the same parents doesn't mean their experiences growing up in an abusive home was exactly the same.  Each one of them experienced me as a mother, their father, 3 marriages and 3 divorces differently, and I pray they will try to wear their sisters shoes and imagine what life was like and is like now. </div> <div> Divorce affects children so badly, some kids bond better with the absent parent, therefore it's tougher on them.  Our children desperately need to be heard and understood, not just by parents but each other. It's the unspoken and not heard, that separates families forever sometimes.</div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="872" data-original-width="1600" height="217" src="; width="400" /></a></div> <div> </div> 2017/07/in-my-sisters-shoes.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-330988341415879041Sun, 09 Jul 2017 22:18:00 +00002017-07-10T03:39:56.769-07:00ANDROPHOBIAAndrophobia - what's that.This is something I haven't spoken about very much. In 2009 which was shortly after the publication of my book, I moved to Cape Town to get away from absolutely everyone that was connected to my ex husband. <div> One of my daughters was married with a baby and I just wasn't coping at all with the trauma of my divorce, faking  that I was just wasn't working.</div> <div> I found a cute little apartment on top of someone's house, with beautiful sea views. It wasn't going to be very permanent but I needed to heal and isolation was the only way I could do it. Long walks on the beach, hours and hours of painting and reading tons of self help books my CPTSD symptoms just weren't going away.  </div> <div> There was a Trauma Centre near where I lived so I made an appointment to see the psychologist. She was weird, very agitated and made me feel even worse, but I was totally committed to healing and willing to overlook her strange manner. After telling her my brief story she suggested hypnotherapy and told me to lay across the couch and close my eyes, which I did. She started to do the count down and my anxiety went through the roof. I opened my eyes to find her laying on the floor in self hypnosis. I couldn't believe my eyes. That session ended immediately and I never went back.</div> <div> A few weeks later I found another therapist who was sweet, but I just couldn't connect with her. I think I saw her 3 times and again chose not to go back. Several months passed nothing was changing. I loved the solitude but constant nightmares, panic attacks and absolute terror going into public places, it was torture.</div> <div> In desperation I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist and it was imperative to me that the doctor was female. My first appointment with her was 2 hours and I managed to pretty much put her in the picture. She asked to see my the following day. During that appointment she concluded that I needed medication which I refused. I'd made up my mind that medication was simply going to make me feel numb and I wanted to heal and face what ever I had to face, head on.</div> <div> My sessions with the psychiatrist were every day for a week and I had begged her to be honest and tell me if I had Borderline Personality Disorder,  Bipolar,  or any other mental illness and I wouldn't stop seeing her until she could come up with a diagnosis. She in the mean time had read my book so I was extremely hopeful together we would find a solution. In my last session with her, she said and I quote, 'Caryl if all my patients had as much insight as you, my wards would be empty'. Yes, and? She then said I was suffering extreme Androphobia, which I'd never heard of before. She recommended I see a male psychologist,  which didn't excite me, but I was willing to give it a try. She said absolutely nothing about either PTSD or CPTSD. </div> <div> After two appointments with this male psychologist who was a total chauvinist. Even with a referral letter from the psychiatrist he just wasn't getting it and I found him to be extremely confrontational, basically telling me to 'get over it'. Whaaaaaaaat?  That was him over with.  He tried to sue me for not continuing therapy. I was dumbfounded. Thank goodness I had a friend who was an attorney and he sent off a letter that shut him up very quickly, including a letter to the psychologist who lay on the floor self hypnosing, during my therapy session. One can imagine, I never wanted to see a therapist ever again.</div> <div> The months and years passed with my symptoms becoming worse and worse. I missed my children desperately, but I didn't want to burden them. They needed a whole and happy mother which I couldn't be. Suicide was a constant thought, how much better off they would all be without this dysfunctional mother. Thank God I would force myself to think that if I chose that path, I would leave my beautiful daughters with the same pain I couldn't handle myself.</div> <div> Androphobia- fear of men was unbearable.  I hadn't connected the dots up to that point. I hated going to public places anywhere that men could possibly be. This went on for years. God was even a problem, in my mind God represented 'male'. But God is so Faithful even when we aren't.  I was new to Facebook and slowly over time I connected with a lot of men on Facebook who were all artists. It took a long time but I started to read their posts and experience these men very differently to the men in my life. These men were all happily married, not afraid to share their softer side, it was so refreshing. My healing towards men has come a very long way, although I am still very sensitive to macho, jock type men, they are and probably will always be a trigger for me.</div> <div> Thanks to my therapist Dr. Annemarie Norvello who has been a gift from God in my life. While I wasn't speaking to God, He orchestrated the best therapist I have ever come across and I will forever be thankful to her. More about that later, diagnosing CPTSD.</div> 2017/07/androphobia-whats-that.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-4735968752346701413Sun, 02 Jul 2017 15:52:00 +00002017-07-02T08:56:02.232-07:00Princess DianaPrincess Diana It was Princess Diana ' s birthday yesterday, she would have been 56. In August it will be 20 years ago that she died. If you are anything like me, I've read dozens of articles about her and watched hours and hours of videos, documenting the Royal family. It still saddens me today to think what that poor woman went through. She made some pretty bad choices during her marriage, her affair with Hewitt being just one of them and her questionable judgement in dating someone like Dodi. Playing with fire is putting it mildly. I've thought about her a lot over the past 20 years and there is no doubt her unhappy childhood wasn't the best foundation for marrying into the Royal family.  Insecure, young, inexperienced was a recipe for disaster marrying a man so much older than she was. She had her doubts about the wedding, red flags had already started waving in the breeze, which they both chose to ignore, after all, their names had already been embossed on everything from tea cups to dish towels. Diana did the best she could to cope with Charles affair with Camilla, her bulimia a symptom of extreme pain, rage and helplessness.  Those were the days before psychologists knew much about bulimia and nothing of CPTSD, which I am absolutely sure she suffered from. Was she emotionally unhinged when she gave her infamous TV interview, I'm sure. Quite honestly when things started falling apart during their separation and divorce she was on her own, fighting for her survival against the entire British Monarchy who accused her of suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. Maybe that was true, in the dark ages people with mental illness were thrown into a padded cell and forgotten, but this wasn't the dark ages. The way I see it, is that Diana had to contend with years of abandonment issues, emotional abuse, her own struggle with bulimia,  possibly CPTSD, a divorce and separation from her beloved children.  What chance was there for her to make calm, wise, healthy choices at that time, she made some huge mistakes, who could blame her, sadly those choices ended her life, had she been entitled to Royal security, it may not have happened, but she lost that privilege soon after her divorce. We watch from our tiny insignificant lives the tragedies of the rich and famous, their stories are no different to our own. We witness their pain and shame on the world stage in front of millions, while we experience the same dramas unfold in our lives with family and friends, it can't compare. To honour Princess Diana in life and in death, we continue to fight for the down trodden, the weak and broken in society. May we all be less judgemental and more compassionate, reaching out to support those who struggle alone. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1149" height="320" src="; width="229" /></a><a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="393" data-original-width="600" height="209" src="; width="320" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> 2017/07/princess-diana.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-4816592427299284852Sun, 02 Jul 2017 09:27:00 +00002017-07-02T04:12:30.100-07:00Temporary InsanityTemporary InsanityOne hears this term often used in court cases, but we seldom even try and understand what exactly that means. Click on the link -<a href=" Insanity</a> When I was married to my Narcissistic ex husband who I believe was torturing me mentally for years there was an incident that occurred during one of our many fights, that pushed me to my breaking point, causing me to completely lose control and I proceeded to do some damage to ornaments, TV and various other things. It's important to put things in context, in a time line of events. A few weeks prior to this demolition I had a complete nervous break down, attempted suicide and spent time in hospital. The attempted suicide was completely unplanned.  No suicide letter for my precious daughters, just an irrational decision. After 3 days of laying in bed unconscious, with no interest or intervention from my husband, my domestic worker chose wisely to call my daughters who took me immediately to hospital, no visits from my husband of course. Anyone who has ever had a nervous breakdown will know, one is pumped full of medication and it's almost impossible to be rational. It was a few weeks later when I did the damage to my home. After I came out of hospital, my husband simply escalated the emotional abuse. I'm convinced that he was pushing me to commit suicide to escape any divorce settlement and make himself look like the victim. My husband had me arrested and I spent 15 hours in jail which was the most traumatic experience I have ever been through in my life, far worse than the beatings he dished out regularly. I was charged with malicious damage to property. Unbeknown to me, one cannot be charged for damaging property in the matrimonial home when the property was 'ours', not his. We were married with an accrual contract. Everything was OURS, but at the time I was so mentally tortured I could barely speak my own name. My husbands cousin was an attorney, between them they were determined to destroy me. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't have a raging temper, he did, but my behaviour that night was simply out of character. If you read my book, you may wonder what made me go back to my husband after this event? I was broken and simply submitted to 2 men who had the power to destroy me and my family, which they later did anyway. I spent the next 4 years, trying to hold on to my sanity so that I could figure out a way to escape unharmed. I may add, that from that day in 2000 to this I have never taken any medication for depression or anxiety ever again, in spite of the years of suffering with CPTSD, I was simply too afraid. I chose to heal my soul wounds consciously. Several years later when we were getting divorced I had laid charges against him for Domestic Violence, my violent, controlling husband used the previous charges against me as leverage. He bargained, if I dropped the charges against him he would do the same. In hindsight, what a fool I was. If I knew then what I know now, I would have pursued the case to the bitter end. I had mountains of evidence against him, but I obeyed his orders and dropped all the charges. He and his cousin attorney had won that round and would win many more after. Knowing that a violent guilty person can get off without even a rap on the knuckles can push any victim further into depression and mental illness, which in my case it did. Please read my next post on HEALING SOUL WOUNDS. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="1600" height="200" src="; width="320" /></a></div> 2017/07/temporary-insanity.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-6109563247007548580Sun, 03 Jul 2016 19:39:00 +00002016-07-03T12:46:00.763-07:00NARCISSISTIC NIGHTMARENarcissistic NightmareThis is one of the most accurate descriptions of what it is like to date or marry a Narcissist. I could have written every word myself. I am filled with anxiety after reading this article.( <a href=" Nightmare</a> )- click on the link,  please read the scary truth.2016/07/this-is-one-of-most-accurate.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-946117874192852121Mon, 29 Sep 2014 08:56:00 +00002014-09-29T01:58:30.982-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="; height="320" width="209" /></a></div> The book I wrote in 2007 is still available. Please buy a copy and stand firm on ABUSE IS NO EXCUSE. Often people say to me, 'you need to move on with your life', well the truth is I have moved on, but one can never forget, being raped, sexually abused, beaten over and over again through ones life. One just tries to live the best we can. I chose to write a book, do public speaking and work with other victims but that is not right for everyone. 2014/09/the-book-i-wrote-in-2007-is-still.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-5475390314026577480Mon, 29 Sep 2014 08:47:00 +00002014-09-29T01:47:50.781-07:00Recovery from PTSD<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="; height="326" width="400" /></a></div> 2014/09/recovery-from-ptsd.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-8654225364549877344Mon, 29 Sep 2014 08:36:00 +00002014-09-29T01:37:41.302-07:00Painting Cats - Fight, Flight, Freeze, Submit, Attach.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="; height="400" width="313" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="; height="400" width="318" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="; height="400" width="307" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="; height="400" width="307" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="; height="400" width="310" /></a></div> FOR those of you who visit or have been following this blog for some time, I see a Dr. Annemarie Norvello who specialises in TRAUMA.  I have SUFFERED with CPTSD for a hundred years, well that's what it feels like anyway. The response as we know to extreme stress is FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE, SUBMIT, ATTACH. Dr. Annemarie absolutely loves cats which is why I decided to do these paintings for her.2014/09/for-those-of-you-who-visit-or-have-been.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-659331857555146023Tue, 13 May 2014 08:37:00 +00002016-07-03T12:53:13.136-07:00Oscar PistoriusAt the outset let me say that I am not accusing OP of domestic violence even though there have been reports of his abusive behaviour with women. But watching the trial and listening to the psychiatrist diagnosing his General Anxiety Disorder makes me think that most men who abuse women must suffer from the same condition. The reason I say this is because most men who abuse women have had some trauma in their childhood. The response to extreme anxiety is Fight, Flight, Freeze, Submit or Attach. By nature women would be more inclined to flight under threat where as with men it is perhaps more probable that they would fight under threat. No matter what one has been through in childhood we all have to learn to cope and make the best of bad situations and therefore there is never any reason that anyone should resort to violence unless our lives are being threatened. Let me remind anyone who might be reading this.... that the prisons world wide are full of women who have been abused and who have resorted to fitting back and have killed their partners therefore the same amount of violent men who have abused women should be sitting behind bars. The rules apply to both.2014/05/oscar-pistorius.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-1657132047052176646Thu, 17 Apr 2014 17:01:00 +00002014-04-17T10:01:55.296-07:00AWOLIt has been a long while since I have been blogging on all my blog sites. My computer crashed and what a mission to get things back on track. This isn't even really that safe for me as I haven't been able to sort out the problems and who knows when this computer will go on the blink again. But for now lets just hold out that things will be alright. A lot has been going on in my personal life and maybe soon I will be able to share some of that with my readers but for now I just want to talk about the Oscar Pistorius Trial. Much to the frustration of many I still am not able to form an opinion about Oscar. I am just not a person who likes to judge people at the best of times let alone when it comes to something as serious as this case. I am happy to sit back and wait for the outcome before voicing my opinion. I don't like what happened, my heart breaks for Reeva's family and I do want to see that justice is carried out in accordance with the law. But with a background like mine I tend to think deeply about why women stay in abusive relationships beyond the obvious and why do men treat women so badly. I don't think I will ever have the answers. All I care about is that women will be educated, seek counselling when they need it, search their own hearts as to why they choose abusive men and then move on with healthy partners and hopefully find happiness. It has taken be a life time, because 'in my day' we honestly didn't have the resources available to young women today. So with that being said I hope people will continue to read my book, scroll down for the link, and perhaps find something to relate to and make some decisions for their own lives. After all that was my intention from the very beginning.  Read my story.. could this be you?2014/04/awol.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-5138601312490331281Sun, 22 Dec 2013 08:02:00 +00002013-12-22T00:02:51.832-08:00An interesting article for you to read <a href=" ON THIS LINK</a>.2013/12/an-interesting-article-for-you-to-read.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-5245096438798478611Sun, 01 Dec 2013 09:19:00 +00002013-12-01T01:19:32.006-08:00PTSDFor anyone struggling with PTSD please read this blog the information is invaluable. I struggled for years and honestly thought at times I was losing my mind. This article will help you not only to identify with the symptoms but also when you know what you are dealing with you will know what to do about it. Please go to this <a href="; for more information. Don't give up on yourself - you are worth it.2013/12/for-anyone-struggling-with-ptsd-please.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-8312309909863984628Thu, 14 Nov 2013 18:15:00 +00002013-11-14T10:15:36.457-08:00Psycopaths and Love - don't go together !This article is a <a href=" READ</a> if you are struggling to understand how you got caught in this trap, with a man who said he loved you but tore your heart into pieces. The sooner you understand the tactics the sooner you will forgive yourself and walk away.2013/11/psycopaths-and-love-dont-go-together.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-2115292187780642145Tue, 12 Nov 2013 17:56:00 +00002014-03-28T05:36:24.320-07:00Look me in the eyeLOOK ME IN THE EYE - Second Edition<div style="margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center;"> <a href=" alt="" border="0" src="; /></a> The second edition of my book is now available. Please click on the <a href=" LINK</a>. Incase you are interested, for those who know me and know my love of art and my intense interest in the meaning of everything, the flower on the cover of my new book is called a Blushing Bride. The flower is part of the South African Protea family. The flower of this plant only blossoms in September and it is a difficult flower to find in florists. It is my most favourite of all flowers. The petals are tissue thin, it's exquisitly beautiful and delicate it resembles a beautiful slightly pink wedding dress. When the flower is out of water it makes a beautiful dried flower, but ... when dried the tissue paper thin petals become quite brittle and the ends of the petals become tiny thorns. Weddings, Oh the wedding. That one special day our lives are changed forever. If only things remained as happy in the future as they were on that day - but abuse turns the softness of our hearts into thorns. Interesting thought, I was married in September to a man who brutalized my soul.</div> <div style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; target="ext"><img align="middle" alt="Posted by Picasa" border="0" src="; style="-moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; background: 0% 50%; border: 0px currentColor; padding: 0px;" /></a></div> 2013/11/look-me-in-eye.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)

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