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tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12345339Mon, 06 Jul 2026 21:44:54 +0000A Burning Patience"And, in the dawn, armed with a burning patience, we shall enter the splendid cities." -- Arthur Rimbaudnoreply@blogger.com (Lyle Daggett)Blogger185125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12345339.post-761058708015002636Tue, 17 May 2016 22:01:00 +00002016-05-17T17:01:02.227-05:00I'm still hereJust posting here to let anyone know (whoever is still dropping by from time to time) that I still haven't disappeared, I've just been spending time away from the computer and the internet for a while. I plan to be back, possibly fairly soon. We'll see how life goes.2016/05/im-still-here.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Lyle Daggett)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12345339.post-6158304580925427991Sun, 05 Apr 2015 15:35:00 +00002015-04-05T10:35:49.597-05:00AWP in Minneapolis, and recommended readingAgain I've been away from this blog longer than I'd intended. Much busy with writing, and reading, and life in general. I'll be attending the annual AWP conference this year, this coming week here in Minneapolis. Some general information for anyone not familiar with Minneapolis: most of the conference events will be at the Minneapolis convention center, at the southern edge of downtown. The weather here this time of year can be highly variable. The forecasts I've seen are saying high temps in the 50's, and lows in the 30's. Either rain or snow are possible this time of year. (This past week it got warm, up to 83 degrees one day, though that's not in the forecast for this coming week.) Most of the buildings in downtown Minneapolis are connected by enclosed overhead walkways (known locally as "skyways") at the second floor level of the buildings, which can be a big help if the weather turns nasty. The skyways are mostly open from early morning through early evening, though it varies somewhat. If you Google "minneapolis skyway" that should give a bunch of links to maps of the skyway system. The convention center is also connected to the skyways. A lot of the (relatively) cheaper places to eat are in the skyway/second floor level of the office buildings. You can get from the airport to downtown Minneapolis by the light rail train. Train fair is $2.25 during morning and evening rush hours, and $1.75 during non-rush hour times and all day on weekends. There are ticket machines on the station platforms. (At the airport, last I knew, the ticket machines are at the top of the escalator before you go down to the train station.) * If you're staying at any of the "official" AWP hotels downtown, or any other hotels nearby, you'll probably want to get off at the Nicollet Mall station downtown, and walk south. * Some of the AWP events I plan to check out are include: On Thursday, a 10:30 panel on "Robert Bly and the Minnesota Writers Publishing House," and a Tribute event (at 3:00) for poets Joy Harjo and Linda Hogan (both Harjo and Hogan are listed among the panel members); also, an offsite event, a Red Dragonfly Press Social and Reading, at 6:00 p.m. at the Gamut Gallery, 1006 Marquette Avenue (across the street from the Hilton hotel); On Friday, a panel on "James Wright in Minneapolis", at 1:30; On Saturday, "Writing into the World: Memoir, History and Private Life," a panel at 12:00 featuring poet Carolyn Forche among others; "Tribute to Tom McGrath," at 1:30, with panelists Mike Hazard, John Bradley, Michael Dennis Browne, and Ray Gonzales; a Robert Bly tribute event at 3:00; an at 8:00 p.m. a reading and conversation with Carolyn Forche and Kevin Young. The above are the highest-priority events for me; there are others I may also try to get to if I have the stamina and concentration. Plus there's the bookfair... * There are several poets and books of poems I've been trying to get to, to write about here. I've been slow and delinquent in this. Two I want to mention in particular that I highly hope to get to, and that I highly recommend: Lavando la Dirty Laundry by Natalia Trevino (should be a tilde over the n in her last name), published 2014 by <a href=" Empire Press</a> And Continuous Performance by Maggie Jaffe, a selected poems from her body of work, published 2014 by <a href=" Dragonfly Press</a>. * Anyway I'm still here. Hoping to get back here shortly and say some more.2015/04/awp-in-minneapolis-and-recommended.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Lyle Daggett)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12345339.post-1054593386662749517Sun, 28 Dec 2014 03:18:00 +00002014-12-27T21:18:38.929-06:00Petrified TimeThis past fall I read Petrified Time by Yannis Ritsos, translated by Martin McKinsey and Scott King, published in 2014 by <a href=" Dragonfly Press</a>. This is one of the strongest translations of Ritsos that I've read, and one of the books of poems published this past year that spoke to me most powerfully. (The book includes the original Greek along with the English translations.) Yannis Ritsos spent periods of his life on various prison islands in Greece for his left-wing political activites, imprisoned for left-wing political activities along with many other members of the left-wing resistance. The poems in Petrified Time come from a period of roughly four years of imprisonment in the late 1940's and early 1950's, including a year in the particularly brutal prison on Makronisos. The poems evoke a deeply rooted endurance, a love and embrace of the hearts and lives of the vast majority of the people of the world, in quiet stubborn defiance of all efforts to crush the fires of life. From the poem "Things We Know": A sun of stone went with us scorching the desert wind and thorns. The afternoon hung from the sea's selvage like a bare yellow bulb in some deep forest of memory. We had no time for such things -- but even so now and then we'd look up, and there on our blankets with the dirt, the oil stains and the olive pits a few willow leaves, a few pine needles remained. [...] [...] Yet we knew that off at the great crossroads was a city lit by a thousand colored lights where people greet you with the simple nod of the forehead -- we recognize them by their hands by the way they cut their bread by the shadows they cast on the dinner table as every voice grows sleepy in their eyes and a lonely star makes a cross on their pillow. We know them by the strife that furrows their brow but more than that -- when the night sky deepens overhead we know them by their poised, conspiratorial manner as they slip their heart like an illegal leaflet under the world's closed door. Much of the poetry of Yannis Ritsos has been translated into English during the past half century; too often, translators blur or miss entirely the political weight his poems carry. (I've written about Ritsos previously in this blog, <a href="2005/05/translating-yannis-ritsos.html">here</a>.) Ritsos was a Communist, and remained one to the end of his life; he remained fully committed to the promise (not yet realized) of remaking the world in the name and interests of the billions of us who daily make and build the world with our hands and feet and minds and voices and hearts. One of the things I especially like about McKinsey and King's translation of Petrified Time is that the political intent of the poems if not obscured overlooked. Comrades, they forced us to remain silent. We had no chance to give voice to our song. As usual, the afternoon fills with dust, dust from the traffic of mothers in black dresses returning from Averoff Prison or Hadzikosta Hospital or the Department of Transfers, grieving mothers in black dresses, with their hearts wrapped in handkerchiefs like crusts of dry bread, bread so hard Death can't chew it. Comrades, they are forcing us to remain silent. They are forcing away our sun. They don't want us to give voice to our song -- the one that begins simply, with strength and bitterness: Workers of the world, unite! At night, when an illicit moon rises above the horizon without a word, The shadow from a gigantic crutch is etched onto the rocks of Makronisos. "We could make this crutch into a ladder," Vangelis suggests, leaning toward Petros' ear, as if giving voice to the first line of our future song. Comrades, it's getting late. It's very late. We must give voice to our song. (From the poem "Duty".) In the daily struggle of living in the world, hope and fatigue come and go. Some days it's a little easier to face the first morning light than other days; some evenings the gathering dark weighs heavier than other nights. In his poems Ritsos and the others imprisoned with him persist and endure, but at no time is he fully outside of the experience. During the days and nights on an island of rock and wind and relentless sun, amid tents sloping toward the sea, surrounded by arms soldiers and barbwire, at no time does he in any way soften or romanticize what is hard and difficult and oppressive. A crumb of death in our pockets -- we go unshaven. Where is there a stalk of wheat to bend on its knees to heaven? Night is slow to fall. The shadows can't hide the hardness of the rock. The dead man's canteen is swallowed up in the sand. The moon anchored on another shore, rocked to and fro by the calm's little finger. But what shore? and what calm? Our thirst was great as we sweated all day at the stone. Beneath our thirst lay the roots of the world. (From the poem "The Roots of the World".) This is a book of poems about remaining alive and thriving in spite of crushing work and crushing monotony. This is a book of poems about continuing to seek possibilities when none offer themselves, or when possibility itself seems to be held incommunicado behind arms guard and barbwire. Yannis Ritsos published over a hundred books during his lifetime -- poetry, essays, drama, autobiography, translations of other poets into Greek. Certain images recur throughout the whole body of his work, in perpetual variation -- sun and sea and stone and wind, moon and movements in the night, long days and nights of watching and waiting and making ready. Behind the ever-present imagery are the years on the prison isles, the sea viewed through barbwire, the sun on the bare backs of forced labor, a group of prisoners taken away to be shot. One month, two months... then many more. We measured them by hauling both stones and fears on our shoulders, by tapping a hooked finger along the side of the clay pitcher to hear the sound of water just as we listen for the voice of our wife behind a door, just as our wife listens for the voices of even the smallest of stars, just as the stars listen for the bleating of flocks at dusk. [...] [...] If only we were less thirsty, it wouldn't occupy our minds, if only there was one tree on the hillside or at the top of the island, if only there was a handful of shade, and less bitterness, and less injustice. We've forgotten the shape of a tree -- is it, perhaps, like a large banner of water? or like a "Thank you" that someone said to you in the past? or like a lover's hand searching for your hand? In the future, we'll plant thousands of trees. (From the poem "Noon".) In the aftermath of the Second World War, a civil war ensued in Greece, between the populist and labor-oriented political movements of the political left and the right-wing political movements of corporate capitalism and the military; Greece wasn't the only place in the world where this was going on during those years. The business class and military prevailed, in part due to economic and military backing they received from the U.S. government and allies of the U.S. This is some of the wider background to how Yannis Ritsos and thousands of others were sent to prison on islands of rock hammered daily by the sun. * I hadn't intended to let six months pass since my last post in this blog. To any of may have come by looking for anything new during this time, my thanks -- I haven't gone away, just had a few months submerged in the various things of life. I'm still here and will keep posting things in this blog as I'm able to. I don't plan to let six months go again until the next blogpost. Winter solstice in the northern hemisphere; here in Minneapolis, it's dark when I leave for work in the morning, and dark when I get home in the evening. By the end of January the daylight will have advanced enough so that there will be at least a glow of light in the west, on clear evenings anyway, as I'm getting home in the evening. Poetry is everywhere. There is nowhere on earth that it doesn't belong. * I'll finish with a few more lines by Yannis Ritsos from Petrified Time. The days come and go. The rock never changes. Sometimes a ship sails past, or a cloud -- leaving behind it a scrap of shade, a little window onto a memory of trees. Nothing ever changes. Neither heart nor rock changes. [...] [...] Evening folds up its red banner. Once again we will sleep with a stone between our teeth, with the sea's breathing at the back of our ears. Brothers, whatever comes now will find us with our bundles slung over our shoulders, and in those bundles, all of our hearts turning our pledge to Democracy over in our minds the way we twist our finger in the buttonhold of a friend's jacket not because we have nothing to say but because of all the love we feel for him -- and so it is: when we love we cannot speak, we toy with a branch of wild olive, scratch a name in the dirt, and it's always the same, and we'll always be ready, and it's always the name of Freedom. (From the poem "Ready".) 2014/12/petrified-time.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Lyle Daggett)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12345339.post-5971357421675026671Wed, 02 Jul 2014 04:08:00 +00002014-07-01T23:08:00.855-05:00Savage CoastI've been away from this blog longer than I'd intended to be -- I've been caught up in daily life stuff again, and doing much reading in "spare time." One of the books I read this past spring, and really liked, is Savage Coast by Muriel Rukeyser (2013, <a href=" Feminist Press at the City University of New York</a>). Savage Coast is a novel based on Rukeyser's experiences in northeastern Spain (Barcelona and the Catalonia region in general) for a few days at the time of the outbreak of the Spanish Civil War in July, 1936. The Spanish Civil War is a large subject; during the years the war took place, roughly July 1936 through early 1939, it became a gravity point for the international political Left, as volunteers from many countries joined the International Brigades and travelled to Spain, and entered full and brutal military war against Fascist armies (led by upper-ranking officers of Spain's military) who were trying to overthrow the elected government. Rukeyser's novel gives a deeply close-up and personal account, full of remarkable detail, sometimes almost random, sometimes carefully observed and chosen. The overall arc of the story moves from chaos and isolation and vague gestures to sharp vision and collective movement and clarity of purpose. It is a radically political novel, clearly and intentionally, both in the intimately personal-is-political sense and in the public activist communal sense. Rukeyser travelled to Spain in July 1936 to write and report about an alternative People's Olympics that had been organized in Spain, as a protest and defiance against the "official" summer Olympics that were taking place that year in Germany (and were being used as a propaganda device by the Nazi government there). The lead character in the novel, named Helen, is loosely based on Rukeyser herself, and a number of the other major characters are based on real people who also were there, though Rukeyser says in a short note at the front of the book, "None of the persons are imaginary, but none are represented at all photographically; for any scenes or words in the least part identifiable, innumerable liberties and distortions may be traced." In the first half of the book the story action takes place mostly on a train after it has entered northeastern Spain; much of the time is spent at a small village where the train has halted because war has broken out further south, and because of a general labor strike in much of the country as a protest against the attempted Fascist counter-revolution. The people do what people do: the passengers on the train try to find information, food, places to sleep, in the village and in whatever small supplies they have with them on the train; the people in the town cope with the sudden influx of visitors as best they're able. Here's a brief passage from early in the book, to give a little flavor of Rukeyser's writing: All the passengers in third were filling the aisle now, crowding out the open windows, talking to the groups whose heads could be seen, banked thick against the sides of the train, standing on both sides of the station platform. Helen pushed back through the swarming cars, through the holiday knots, laughter, gossip. An arm reached out and seized her wrist. Igt was the tight-skinned Hungarian, the manager. "Have you heard the rumors?" he shouted, over the laughter and talk. "All sorts of rumors, already. The English are saying that the Communists have bombed the tracks and that we can't go farther; and I heard the Frenchman say that the engineer has gone on strike, and won't move the train until he gets some kind of extravagant promise." He fanned himself with the straw hat. "But come in and meet our team anyway." The Hungarians were standing, politeness and warmth ran around the compartment. The fine-faced printer was introduced. "It looks like something real," he said. "But obviously nobody knows that. You probably ought to find the other Americans." "I know one of them," said Helen. "I wish you'd go down and reassure her. She's on her way to the bullfights, and she turned into jelly when they searched the train." "They were absolute correct to search the train," the printer answered. They destroyed some snapshots we were taking, too. Last spring, they said, the Fascists caught a lot of photographs of armed civilians, and anyone whose face was clear got his. They're not taking any chances." "But if you've been talking with them --" Helen cried, her face darkening with excitement. "What do they say is happening?" "They only said that," the printer told her. He was a young student, from his look, his earnest clear glance, but the marks about his mouth and his darkened, blunt fingers showed how long he had spent at work; he looked straightforward at Helen now, obviously telling all he knew. "They were ordered to go through the train; for all they knew, the girl said, it's just an examination, and we'll go right on through to Barcelona." As I read the book, I kept thinking of the word "cinematic" to describe the shifts in scene, the dialogue that often seems carefully written and offhand at the same time, the changes in view from long shot to close-up to angular glance to clear simple frame, again both carefully set up and almost randomly occurring. Muriel Rukeyser was in Spain for a few days. During that time, she met a man from Germany, Otto Boch, a runner who had come to Spain for the Olympics. They became lovers. Boch stayed, and joined the anti-Fascist International Brigades, and was killed in the civil war. One of the characters in Savage Coast is a German runner based on Boch, and in novel he and Rukeyser's character Helen become lovers. Some years later, in the late 1940's after the Spanish Civil War and the Second World War, Rukeyser dedicated her poem cycle Elegies to Otto Boch. In the second half of the novel, Helen and her several traveling companions find a way to Barcelona, a city bright and joyous with popular insurgence; the city shows marks of recent fighting, and there is still danger from Fascist snipers and abductors. The days become filled with large public gatherings, official ceremonies, following rumors and threads of news reports, as the weight of the mounting events of the larger world grows ever greater. And mingled with this, the realization by the many visitors that they'll need to decide, and soon, whether to leave for home or to stay and join the coming storm. Here's another passage from the book; the scene takes place on the first morning after Helen and others from the train have arrived in Barcelona: Helen went immediate to the window, hauled up the venetian blind, and stood in the broad panel of sunlight the struck across the room. The gunfire continued. Facing her, a curved wall of arches surprised her, thrown block-long and receding; it took her a second to recognize the tiers and galleries of the arena, the slim pillars which were so perfect for snipers. Her eye ran over the shaded colonnade with animal speed: she had become vigilant, it gave her a tremendous sense of health and freshness to wake without fear and speculate on concealed rifles. The angle of the Olympic cut down across her view to the right, and she could see nothing but a boarded up café, a filling station, and the radiator and front wheels of the overturned car. But to the left lay the new city, ruled square, block after block of new apartment houses patched white with flags of truce. Behind them stood the high fortress on its strip of cliff, cutting the mountain range abruptly to an end. Olive and Peter were lying awake in bed. "That was the seven o'clock bell, wasn't it?" "That was the beginning of the shooting," laughed Olive. Correct response, thought Helen. She came over to the window in Helen's room. "They said something about leaving the blinds drawn." "I don't know," Helen said slowly. "I don't mind an open window on a street, so much, today." "I think I'm finished with all that too. Peter and I were walking to dinner when we missed you; Peter had just said something about the truck-ride and fear when a car came up. The driver asked us to get in, and we didn't think anything of it. There was a guard with a submachine gun; everything seemed proper until they started driving and took us miles through the country, or park -- darkness, anyway. They didn't say a word to us. Then we began to remember things -- we hadn't noticed the initials on the car, fascists can drive cars too, we didn't speak Catalan, the car had only one door -- all of those things." "It's a big park," Helen said. "A goddamned big park. But it may have cured me." They hung out the window. At the filling station, cars and trucks were already lined up, C.N.T and U.G.T cars for the most part, and the proprietor and two assistants were supplying them, lifting the dripping nozzle out of one tank and dropping it into the next without bothering to check the stream of gas. "They're going to run short of cars," Helen remarked under the grinding of gears as they rushed down the street." "The state's requisitioning cars from dealers," said Peter, from bed. "There was a Ford sign on the road." Helen knew she would always have this first morning of complete confidence. Peter and Olive had it too, she saw, reading their faces. One more lie to hold against the books! she reflected; the foolish irrelevant stories of people's characters changing like wind which shifts. She had wanted a life for herself, and found she was unequipped; and adjusting her wants, cared to be a person prepared for that life. I want greatness, she thought, the rich faces of the living. All the tenseness stood in the way, and see how it removes! One morning, and the fear of death is replaced. Rukeyser wrote Savage Coast immediately after her return from Spain in 1936. Early reactions from at least one reader of the manuscript, and one potential publisher, were strongly negative -- likely reacting against the left-leaning politics of the novel, as much as against the courage and joy and audacity of a woman making a strong clear statement -- and she put the novel away among her papers, and it remained mostly unknown, and unpublished, during her lifetime and for several decades after that. The edition published by The Feminist Press has been edited with skill and sensitivity by Rowena Kennedy-Epstein, and includes an Introduction by Kennedy-Epstein and useful endnotes. Over the years Rukeyser wrote several journalistic articles about her days in Spain in 1936, and the Feminist Press edition includes one of these at the end of the book, "We Came for the Games: A Memoir of the People's Olympics, Barcelona, 1936," originally published in Esquire magazine in October 1974. The Feminist Press has also published a booklet of several other short pieces by Muriel Rukeyser, <a href=", 1936" and Selections from the Spanish Civil War Archive</a>, Series 2, Number 6, published in the Lost and Found series of the CUNY Center for the Humanties, Spring 2011. Both articles help highlight how closely Rukeyser held to the essential facts of the events that occurred during her days in Spain, including many critical details of dialogue, descriptions of buildings and people and public places, and so on. The "Barcelona, 1936" pamplet includes, among other things, an image of a hand-drawn map of the small town where the train waited for a few days. I'll finish here with one further passage from near the end of the novel; the scene is a large public gathering in Barcelona, in which speakers recount the difficult previous days and the hard time of struggle that waits ahead. This section of the novel includes interspersed lists of names of people in Spain who had died during the previous days of fighting. They could not be seen, they could not yet be heard; it was the cry advancing with them, its front advancing as their front rank came up, that made them known: a great female animal cry, victorious wail of spectators, the city acclaim of those on the edge and sympathetic, who still have throats to cheer, while those silent fighters pass between their lines. And now the "Internationale" sprang up, strange, in foreign inflections, as the Norwegians began to sing, changing the wordfall, the sound, almost the song itself. The Dutch, and the Hungarians; picked it up, unfamiliar, only the form carrying it through, the marching tune. The French were missing. But it reached the crowd of Belgians, the song came nearer, the great crying welcome to the army came, mixing, until the chorus became a crying greet: "C'est la lutte finale, "Groupon-nous, et demain," ...El directive de la C.N.T. Francisco Acaso, Eduardo Gorgot, José Biota, Javier Noguera, Alejandro Prodonis y Fuentes, Concepción Canet y Alcaráz, Vicente Vásquez, Salvador Guerrero, José González y Valencia, Enrique Arnau y Erude, Julián Gil y González... "L'Internationale..." Here! The first line of set faces, brackets of arms set in perpetual fist, red bands about the head, straight stony foreheads dark. "Sera le genre humain..." In a high sung note, praising, crying, speeding an army of unarmed men, who walked rope-soled, blankets slung at the shoulder, their women with them, a few, among them, a few, running beside in the blaze, past the shining confiscated roadsters, the homemade armored cars, the lines of spectators, and the Olympic lines who backed them, singing the unique song, finally arriving to the double English version, the English and Americans singing, welcoming, as the army passed; an army, not in the pathetic small battalions of the night before, but rounded up, strong in numbers, unshakeable, but barely clothed, barely helmeted, barely armed. They passed for minutes, the lines of soldiers, passing to a new phase of war. The city was strong now in its own defense; in a day, eferything would be running once more, the city would be held; but these were going to be the outer front. Almost exhausted by the internal battle, with the strenuous look of purity on their faces, they must be renewed to the next front. They must be renewed. They must be enough. * I've written about Muriel Rukeyser previously in this blog, <a href="2007/01/all-shimmering-names.html">here</a>, and <a href="2014/03/muriel-rukeysers-elegies.html">here</a>. There's a great deal of information and general background on the internet about the Spanish Civil War, with varying reliability. A good place to start is the website of the Abraham Lincoln Brigade Archive, <a href=";. The Lincoln Brigade was the name taken by many of the volunteers from the United States who went to Spain to join the international struggle against the Fascist military invasion. The Lincoln Brigade website includes history, educational materials, current upcoming events related to study of the Spanish Civil War, links to other online sources, and other material. 2014/07/savage-coast.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Lyle Daggett)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12345339.post-9135190768110206370Wed, 16 Apr 2014 02:03:00 +00002014-04-15T21:03:19.840-05:00A few paragraphs from John BergerHere are a few paragraphs from the British Marxist art critic John Berger, from his essay "A Professional Secret," in his Selected Essays published 2001 by Vintage Books. Berger talks here primarily about some of his encounters with paintings, visual art; his comments surely are relevant to poetry writing and other creative work as well. I've read much of John Berger's writing over the years, mostly his art criticism and other essays, also his novel From A to X, which I loved. I often go to his writing when I need to clear my mind, sharpen my critical thought, step back and get some perspective on things. I've learned a great deal from Berger's work, about looking at art and looking at the world. In his essay "A Professional Secret," originally published in 1987, Berger begins by talking about a painting by Hans Holbein he wants to go and see in Switzerland (he's lived for many years in the foothills of the French Alps). He arrives in Berne, discovers the Holbein painting is in a different city in Switzerland, so he and his companion go and visit an art museum in Berne. He talks a little about painted Christian images of violence and brutality (depictions of Christian martyrs, the crucifixion, etc.) -- the contradictory nature of such images, such subject matter painted so beautifully -- and then he asks: "how can the brutal be made visibly acceptable?" Berger continues: The question begins with the Renaissance. In medieval art the suffering of the body was subservient to the live of the soul. And this was an article of faith which the spectator brought with him to the image; the life of the soul did not have to be demonstrated in the image itself. A lot of medieval art is grotesque -- that is to say a reminder of the worthlessness of everything physical. Renaissance art idealizes the body and reduces the body to gesture. (A similar reduction occurs in Westerns: see John Wayne or Gary Cooper.) [...] At the beginning of the nineteenth century Goya, because of his unflinching approach to horror and brutality, was the first modern artist. Yes those who look at his etchings would never choose to look at the mutilated corpses they depict with such fidelity. So we are forced back to the same question, which one might formulate differently: how does catharsis work in visual art, if it does? Berger then says, in effect, that catharsis doesn't work in art: "Paintings don't offer catharsis. They offer something similar, but different." Berger mentions several paintings in the museum, from the late nineteenth century and the twentieth century: Courbet, Monet, Braque, Klee, Rothko. Quoting Berger again:<b

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Latest Activity on Recovery For Abused Women Tue, 06 Oct 2026 20:04:22 +0000 Tue, 06 Oct 2026 20:04:22 +0000 Latest Activity on Recovery For Abused Women 50 1187767439 Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted a video Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted a videoBible Study: Daniel (6:1-28) Teaching By Alistair Begg "Our God Reigns" Part TwoLive Zoom Sessions of “A Study in Daniel Volume 1 - by Alistair Begg!” Eighth Weekly Session October 25, 2025 Description for “A Study in Daniel,” Week Eigh...]]> Wed, 29 Oct 2025 22:02:34 +0000 1187649599 Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted a blog post Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted a blog postLive Zoom Sessions of “A Study in Daniel Volume 1 - by Alistair Begg!” Eighth Weekly Session October 25, 2025Picture Reference: “A Study of Daniel, Volume 1” WebsiteHello everyone, I pray you all and your families are doing well!!! Minister Everett James and I are starting a live Zoom meeting of Alistair Begg’s series on The Book of Daniel.The “Study of Daniel,” is an eight-week series by Alistair Begg. Our Zoom meeting times in the past, were every Saturday, at 4:00 pm Eastern Standard Time. The first meeting begun on Saturday, August 23, 2025, at 4:00 pm and the series will now end on October 25, 2025, instead of on October 18th. This is our last session for Daniel Volume 1.On July 26, 2025, I posted this same teaching of Alistair on my website, Abused Woman Ministries Blog Site. And I explained how when I studied Alistair’s teaching on Daniel, it really helped me. But now, Minister James and I have decided to do a Zoom meeting of all the chapters (Chapter 1 to 6), that Alistair taught on.This is an informational outline, of “A Study of Daniel,” by Alistair that we will use each week during our live Zoom meetings. I will also have each outline attached to that week’s lesson. Minister James and I hope you all will be able to join us for these very encouraging sessions, as Alistair explains the first six chapters of the Book of Daniel.Use the link below to join our Zoom meetings; you can use the same link every week. The last session of Daniel will be at 5:00 pm Eastern time, instead of 4pm. Although I am giving you all the meeting ID and password, it is best to use the link.If you are not able to join our weekly meetings, click here for the link to the PDF version of the "Agenda ‘Eight We... It will guide you on how to study the lesson on your own. And each week, you will have an Agenda to guide you with your study.Click Here for Join Zoom Meeting LinkMeeting ID: 841 7604 1006Passcode: J352658343Summary of Daniel 1:1–6:28ID: 12703 • March 1, 2016The book of Daniel contains familiar Bible stories and perplexing apocalyptic visions, yet both are held together by the doctrinal anchors of God’s sovereignty over the affairs of history and His promise to judge the world. History is unfolding according to God’s plan, and every one of us will stand before our Creator. These realities had bearing on how Daniel and his friends lived amid a pagan culture, and they have bearing on how we live today.In volume one of this series, Alistair Begg examines the obedience of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, the destructive pride of the Babylonian and Median kings, and God’s faithfulness and power in it all. As we recognize that this sinful and broken world is not our home, we can find encouragement and warning in these stories from Israel’s exile. The pressures around us need not overwhelm our hope in the God who has overcome the world.Topics: Biblical Figures, Character of God, Dependence on God, Faith, Faithfulness of God, Humility, Obedience, Obeying God, Sovereignty of GodSupplemental MaterialsClick Here to Purchase the USB for Complete Book of DanielEighth Weekly Session Teaching for October 25, 2025 - Last ClassClick Here for YouTube Zoom Video for Eighth Weekly Session Teaching for October 25, 2025“Our God Reigns — Part Two” by Alistair Begg (ID: 3115)Scripture Link: Daniel 6:1-28Link to PDF of Sermon Transcript: “Our God Reigns – Part Two”Summary of Daniel 6:1-28Facing an edict forbidding prayer to anyone but the king, Daniel continued his established pattern of private prayer to Almighty God. Alistair Begg explains that Daniel’s steady faithfulness, unjust suffering, and ultimate deliverance must point us forward to the greater conflict at hand. Despite the best efforts of the Evil One to destroy God’s kingdom, our faithful Savior is victorious. We can look to Him in times of crisis knowing that He lives, reigns, and is mighty to save.Topics: Biblical Figures, Christian Living, Faithfulness of God, Kingdom of God, Persecution, Prayer, Preaching Christ from the Old TestamentStudy Materials:Click Here for PDF of “Eighth Weekly Session for October 25, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on Aug. 30, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Seventh Weekly Session for October 11, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on Aug. 30, 2015)!Click Here for Link to “Sixth Weekly Session for October 4, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on Aug. 9, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Fifth Weekly Session for September 27, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on Aug. 2, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Fourth Weekly Session for September 13, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on Aug. 2, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Third Weekly Session for September 6, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on July 26, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Second Weekly Session: August 30, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on July 26, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “First Weekly Session: August 23, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on July 19, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to Alistair’s YouTube Video for this week, “Our God Reigns – Part Two!” Click Here for Link to Alistair’s YouTube Playlist on “A Study of Daniel!”God’s Blessings to you all and your families!!!In Christ,Rev. Dr. Dorothy E. HooksMinister Everett JamesSee More]]> Sat, 18 Oct 2025 04:09:52 +0000 1187647821 Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted a video Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted a videoBible Study: Daniel (6:1-28) Teaching By Alistair Begg "Our God Reigns"This is the Seventh Weekly Session of “A Study in Daniel,” by Alistair Begg. This week’s title is, “Our God Reigns — Part One” by Alistair Begg, (ID: 3114)S...]]> Fri, 17 Oct 2025 21:28:42 +0000 1187562652 Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted a blog post Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted a blog postLive Zoom Sessions of “A Study in Daniel Volume 1 - by Alistair Begg!” Seventh Weekly Session October 11, 2025Picture Reference: “A Study of Daniel, Volume 1” WebsiteHello everyone, I pray you all and your families are doing well!!! Minister Everett James and I are starting a live Zoom meeting of Alistair Begg’s series on The Book of Daniel.The “Study of Daniel,” is an eight-week series by Alistair Begg. Our Zoom meeting times are every Saturday, at 4:00 pm Eastern Standard Time. The first meeting begun on Saturday, August 23, 2025, at 4:00 pm and the series will now end on October 18, 2025, instead of on October 11th, after the 4:00 pm session. Because we could not meet on September 20th.On July 26, 2025, I posted this same teaching of Alistair on my website, Abused Woman Ministries Blog Site. And I explained how when I studied Alistair’s teaching on Daniel, it really helped me. But now, Minister James and I have decided to do a Zoom meeting of all the chapters (Chapter 1 to 6), that Alistair taught on.This is an informational outline, of “A Study of Daniel,” by Alistair that we will use each week during our live Zoom meetings. I will also have each outline attached to that week’s lesson. Minister James and I hope you all will be able to join us for these very encouraging sessions, as Alistair explains the first six chapters of the Book of Daniel.Use the link below to join our Zoom meetings; you can use the same link every week. Again, the time is 4:00 pm Eastern time, on Saturdays – beginning on August 23, 2025. Although I am giving you all the meeting ID and password, it is best to use the link.If you are not able to join our weekly meetings, click here for the link to the PDF version of the "Agenda ‘Seventh We... It will guide you on how to study the lesson on your own. And each week, you will have an Agenda to guide you with your study.Click Here for Join Zoom Meeting LinkMeeting ID: 841 7604 1006Passcode: J352658343Summary of Daniel 1:1–6:28ID: 12703 • March 1, 2016The book of Daniel contains familiar Bible stories and perplexing apocalyptic visions, yet both are held together by the doctrinal anchors of God’s sovereignty over the affairs of history and His promise to judge the world. History is unfolding according to God’s plan, and every one of us will stand before our Creator. These realities had bearing on how Daniel and his friends lived amid a pagan culture, and they have bearing on how we live today.In volume one of this series, Alistair Begg examines the obedience of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, the destructive pride of the Babylonian and Median kings, and God’s faithfulness and power in it all. As we recognize that this sinful and broken world is not our home, we can find encouragement and warning in these stories from Israel’s exile. The pressures around us need not overwhelm our hope in the God who has overcome the world.Topics: Biblical Figures, Character of God, Dependence on God, Faith, Faithfulness of God, Humility, Obedience, Obeying God, Sovereignty of GodSupplemental MaterialsClick Here to Purchase the USB for Complete Book of DanielSeventh Weekly Session Teaching for October 11, 2025Click Here for YouTube Zoom Video for Seventh Weekly Session Teaching for October 11, 2025“Our God Reigns — Part One” by Alistair Begg (ID: 3114)Scripture Link: Daniel 6:1-28Link to PDF of Sermon Transcript: “Our God Reigns – Part One”Summary of Daniel 6:1-28As a young man, Daniel resolved to remain obedient to God throughout his life. As we encounter him in his later years, we find that he stood firm in his decision to live for the Lord. Alistair Begg teaches that Daniel was distinguished because of his obedience to God and faithfulness in his work, yet for these reasons he was also despised by his peers. Looking to Daniel as an example, we are challenged to consider what it looks like to trust God and serve Him faithfully in the midst of a world that opposes Him.TOPICS: Faith, Government, Law, Obeying GodStudy Materials:Click Here for PDF of “Seventh Weekly Session for October 11, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on Aug. 30, 2015)!Click Here for Link to “Sixth Weekly Session for October 4, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on Aug. 9, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Fifth Weekly Session for September 27, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on Aug. 2, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Fourth Weekly Session for September 13, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on Aug. 2, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Third Weekly Session for September 6, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on July 26, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Second Weekly Session: August 30, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on July 26, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “First Weekly Session: August 23, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on July 19, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to Alistair’s YouTube Video for this week, “Our God Reigns – Part One!” Click Here for Link to Alistair’s YouTube Playlist on “A Study of Daniel!”God’s Blessings to you all and your families!!!In Christ,Rev. Dr. Dorothy E. HooksMinister Everett JamesSee More]]> Sat, 11 Oct 2025 04:07:41 +0000 1187559851 Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD's video was featured Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD's video was featuredBible Study: Daniel (5:1-30) Teaching By Alistair Begg "The Writing on the Wall"Description for “A Study in Daniel,” Week Six, October 4, 2025 Commentary by Rev. Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks and Brother Everett James on the Book of Daniel, taugh...]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2025 20:43:30 +0000 1187559850 Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted a video Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted a videoBible Study: Daniel (5:1-30) Teaching By Alistair Begg "The Writing on the Wall"Description for “A Study in Daniel,” Week Six, October 4, 2025 Commentary by Rev. Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks and Brother Everett James on the Book of Daniel, taugh...]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2025 20:43:29 +0000 1187489674 Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted a blog post Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted a blog postLive Zoom Sessions of “A Study in Daniel Volume 1 - by Alistair Begg!” Sixth Weekly Session October 4, 2025Picture Reference: “A Study of Daniel, Volume 1” WebsiteHello everyone, I pray you all and your families are doing well!!! Minister Everett James and I are starting a live Zoom meeting of Alistair Begg’s series on The Book of Daniel.The “Study of Daniel,” is an eight-week series by Alistair Begg. Our Zoom meeting times are every Saturday, at 4:00 pm Eastern Standard Time. The first meeting begun on Saturday, August 23, 2025, at 4:00 pm and the series will now end on October 18, 2025, instead of on October 11th, after the 4:00 pm session. Because we cannot meet on September 20th.On July 26, 2025, I posted this same teaching of Alistair on my website, Abused Woman Ministries Blog Site. And I explained how when I studied Alistair’s teaching on Daniel, it really helped me. But now, Minister James and I have decided to do a Zoom meeting of all the chapters (Chapter 1 to 6), that Alistair taught on.This is an informational outline, of “A Study of Daniel,” by Alistair that we will use each week during our live Zoom meetings. I will also have each outline attached to that week’s lesson. Minister James and I hope you all will be able to join us for these very encouraging sessions, as Alistair explains the first six chapters of the Book of Daniel.Use the link below to join our Zoom meetings; you can use the same link every week. Again, the time is 4:00 pm Eastern time, on Saturdays – beginning on August 23, 2025. Although I am giving you all the meeting ID and password, it is best to use the link.If you are not able to join our weekly meetings, click here for the link to the PDF version of the "Agenda ‘Sixth We... It will guide you on how to study the lesson on your own. And each week, you will have an Agenda to guide you with your study.Click Here for Join Zoom Meeting LinkMeeting ID: 841 7604 1006Passcode: J352658343Summary of Daniel 1:1–6:28ID: 12703 • March 1, 2016The book of Daniel contains familiar Bible stories and perplexing apocalyptic visions, yet both are held together by the doctrinal anchors of God’s sovereignty over the affairs of history and His promise to judge the world. History is unfolding according to God’s plan, and every one of us will stand before our Creator. These realities had bearing on how Daniel and his friends lived amid a pagan culture, and they have bearing on how we live today.In volume one of this series, Alistair Begg examines the obedience of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, the destructive pride of the Babylonian and Median kings, and God’s faithfulness and power in it all. As we recognize that this sinful and broken world is not our home, we can find encouragement and warning in these stories from Israel’s exile. The pressures around us need not overwhelm our hope in the God who has overcome the world.Topics: Biblical Figures, Character of God, Dependence on God, Faith, Faithfulness of God, Humility, Obedience, Obeying God, Sovereignty of GodSupplemental MaterialsClick Here to Purchase the USB for Complete Book of DanielSixth Weekly Session Teaching for October 4, 2025Click Here for YouTube Zoom Video for Sixth Weekly Session Teaching for October 4, 2025“The Writing on the Wall” by Alistair Begg (ID: 3113)Scripture Link: Daniel 5:1-30Link to PDF of Sermon Transcript: “The Writing on the Wall”Summary of Daniel 5:1-30King Belshazzar threw an extravagant feast marked by sacrilege, idolatry, and pride. Although he knew how God had dealt with Nebuchadnezzar, Belshazzar failed to humble himself before the Lord. Alistair Begg explains that this story represents a major theme of Daniel: that God has authority over every earthly ruler and kingdom, and He is the only one worthy of our worship. No one is innocent before God, but He freely offers forgiveness to those who humble themselves before His goodness and power.TOPICS: Dependence on God, Preaching Christ from the Old Testament, Pride, Sovereignty of GodStudy Materials:Click Here for PDF of “Sixth Weekly Session for October 4, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on Aug. 9, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Fifth Weekly Session for September 27, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on Aug. 2, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Fourth Weekly Session for September 13, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on Aug. 2, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Third Weekly Session for September 6, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on July 26, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Second Weekly Session: August 30, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on July 26, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “First Weekly Session: August 23, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on July 19, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to Alistair’s YouTube Video for this week, “The Writing on the Wall!” Click Here for Link to Alistair’s YouTube Playlist on “A Study of Daniel!”God’s Blessings to you all and your families!!!In Christ,Rev. Dr. Dorothy E. HooksMinister Everett JamesSee More]]> Sat, 04 Oct 2025 04:10:00 +0000 1187484386 Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted videos Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted videos ]]> Fri, 03 Oct 2025 14:57:26 +0000 1187484387 Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD's 2 videos were featured Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD's 2 videos were featured ]]> Fri, 03 Oct 2025 14:57:26 +0000 1187270949 Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted a blog post Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, PsyD posted a blog postLive Zoom Sessions of “A Study in Daniel Volume 1 - by Alistair Begg!” Fifth Weekly Session September 27, 2025Picture Reference: “A Study of Daniel, Volume 1” WebsiteHello everyone, I pray you all and your families are doing well!!! Minister Everett James and I are starting a live Zoom meeting of Alistair Begg’s series on The Book of Daniel.The “Study of Daniel,” is an eight-week series by Alistair Begg. Our Zoom meeting times are every Saturday, at 4:00 pm Eastern Standard Time. The first meeting begun on Saturday, August 23, 2025, at 4:00 pm and the series will now end on October 18, 2025, instead of on October 11th, after the 4:00 pm session. Because we cannot meet on September 20th.On July 26, 2025, I posted this same teaching of Alistair on my website, Abused Woman Ministries Blog Site. And I explained how when I studied Alistair’s teaching on Daniel, it really helped me. But now, Minister James and I have decided to do a Zoom meeting of all the chapters (Chapter 1 to 6), that Alistair taught on.This is an informational outline, of “A Study of Daniel,” by Alistair that we will use each week during our live Zoom meetings. I will also have each outline attached to that week’s lesson. Minister James and I hope you all will be able to join us for these very encouraging sessions, as Alistair explains the first six chapters of the Book of Daniel.Use the link below to join our Zoom meetings; you can use the same link every week. Again, the time is 4:00 pm Eastern time, on Saturdays – beginning on August 23, 2025. Although I am giving you all the meeting ID and password, it is best to use the link.If you are not able to join our weekly meetings, click here for the link to the PDF version of the "Agenda ‘Fifth We... It will guide you on how to study the lesson on your own. And each week, you will have an Agenda to guide you with your study.Click Here for Join Zoom Meeting LinkMeeting ID: 841 7604 1006Passcode: J352658343Summary of Daniel 1:1–6:28ID: 12703 • March 1, 2016The book of Daniel contains familiar Bible stories and perplexing apocalyptic visions, yet both are held together by the doctrinal anchors of God’s sovereignty over the affairs of history and His promise to judge the world. History is unfolding according to God’s plan, and every one of us will stand before our Creator. These realities had bearing on how Daniel and his friends lived amid a pagan culture, and they have bearing on how we live today.In volume one of this series, Alistair Begg examines the obedience of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, the destructive pride of the Babylonian and Median kings, and God’s faithfulness and power in it all. As we recognize that this sinful and broken world is not our home, we can find encouragement and warning in these stories from Israel’s exile. The pressures around us need not overwhelm our hope in the God who has overcome the world.Topics: Biblical Figures, Character of God, Dependence on God, Faith, Faithfulness of God, Humility, Obedience, Obeying God, Sovereignty of GodSupplemental MaterialsClick Here to Purchase the USB for Complete Book of DanielFifth Weekly Session Teaching for September 27, 2025Click Here for YouTube Zoom Video for Fifth Weekly Session Teaching for September 27, 2025“The King of Heaven — Part Two” by Alistair Begg (ID: 3106)Scripture Link: Daniel 4:17Link to PDF of Sermon Transcript: “The King of Heaven - Part Two”Summary of Daniel 4:17Daniel Chapter 4 records Nebuchadnezzar’s journey from rebellion to praise, a hard path marked by humiliation. Alistair Begg explains that God does not relent in His gracious pursuit of sinners but brings men and women face-to-face with His greatness so that we can appreciate our need. The wonder of the Gospel is that this God, who is completely sufficient and perfect in who He is, humbled Himself in Christ Jesus so that we can be reconciled to Him.TOPICS: Character of God, Christian Thinking, Conviction of Sin, Humility, Sovereignty of God, TheologyStudy Materials:Click Here for PDF of “Fifth Weekly Session for September 27, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on Aug. 2, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Fourth Weekly Session for September 13, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on Aug. 2, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Third Weekly Session for September 6, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on July 26, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “Second Weekly Session: August 30, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on July 26, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to “First Weekly Session: August 23, 2025 (Taught by Alistair Begg on July 19, 2015)!”Click Here for Link to Alistair’s YouTube Video for this week, “The King of Heaven – Part Two!”Click Here for Link to Alistair’s YouTube Playlist on “A Study of Daniel!”God’s Blessings to you all and your families!!!In Christ,Rev. Dr. Dorothy E. HooksMinister Everett JamesSee More]]> Sat, 20 Sep 2025 04:00:41 +0000

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tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390Wed, 09 Oct 2024 02:36:36 +0000Look me in the eyePTSPTSD16 DAYS INSPIRATION5 DucksANDROPHOBIACPTSDCPTSD-SURVIVORChildrenDay EightDay ElevenDay FifteenDay FiveDay Four. Journey to the TempleDay FourteenDay NineDay OneDay SevenDay SixDay SixteenDay TenDay ThirteenDay Three. The JourneyDay TwelveDay TwoFood for thoughtGET OVER ITGay HusbandsGenerational TraumaISSUES OF FAITHIgnoranceIn My Sisters ShoesInterview Dr. Sam VakninMeditation: Walk with meNARCISSISTIC NIGHTMARENarcissist Video'sNightmaresPrincess DianaSuccess StoryTemporary InsanityTriggersWonderful TestimonyAbuse is no excuseThe battle to survive an abusive relationship goes way beyond just leaving.noreply@blogger.com (Caryl)Blogger88125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-7212981617039646890Fri, 06 Oct 2017 18:41:00 +00002017-10-06T11:41:57.101-07:00CPTSDComplex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> I'm sorry I can't make this any bigger but here is the <a href=" you can go there yourself and read up about Complex Post Traumatic Disorder -CPTSD and  BPD -Borderline Personality Disorder.</div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> If your therapist isn't correctly diagnosing your condition how can they treat you correctly. We cannot sit back and wait for miracles, we have to do our own research to find the solutions we are so desperately searching for. In my own case once I was diagnosed with CPTSD,  my therapy went into a whole new direction and healing came slowly but progressively over time. Can we heal? Yes absolutely.</div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1207" data-original-width="1600" height="301" src="; width="400" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1429" data-original-width="604" height="640" src="; width="270" /></a></div> 2017/10/complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-4758356588924477095Wed, 13 Sep 2017 09:52:00 +00002017-09-13T02:53:10.902-07:00GET OVER ITCPTSD - STOP BEING SO JUDGEMENTAL This is an extremely difficult condition to live with and the judgements from others make it so much more difficult, forcing those who suffer into silence and seclusion. Suicide is a always an option for those who cannot escape the symptoms or the <a href=" Judgements</a> from others. If you are struggling, or you know someone who has been diagnosed professionally with PTSD or CPTSD,  please click on the link and perhaps save someone's life. 2017/09/cptsd-stop-being-so-judgemental.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-8794971181382243509Sat, 19 Aug 2017 08:57:00 +00002017-08-19T10:15:38.853-07:00CPTSD-SURVIVORCPTSD -COMPLEX POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER SURVIVORThis is probably one of the most vulnerable posts I have ever made and my reason for doing so, is to share it with a group on FB, with a lot of other people who suffer with CPTSD, in the hope that it will help save someone's life. ..........................................YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE............................................................... THE DETAILS OF MY STORY ARE IN MY BOOK. My therapist said that I have probably suffered with this condition most of my life, but it was undiagnosed. The first signs or symptoms started when I was about 6 years old and my mother was married to the first of 2 step fathers. Their relationship was very violent and my step fathers behaviour with me was sexually highly inappropriate, that's when my nightmares first started and have continued periodically for 60 years. Although I 'existed' from that time onwards, I never ever felt normal. The symptoms of CPTSD plagued me my whole life, manifesting when triggered severely. Because my condition was undiagnosed no one else knew how much I struggled. I want to share the extreme torment I went through, alone. At 18 I had a nervous breakdown, attempted suicide by slashing my wrists to the bone and spent time in a psychiatric hospital having shock treatment. (CPTSD went undiagnosed.) I walked out of hospital and had to hide the symptoms as best as I could, never sharing with anyone, least of all my family, the extreme struggles with nightmares, panic attacks and an eating disorder, just in case I was sent to a mental home. My first marriage was to an extremely abusive man who became the father of my 2 oldest children.  I suspect he suffered with CPTSD as well and NPD. We knew nothing of those conditions back then. He was extremely aggressive and had constant nightmares from his experiences during the war in Angola. 6 years into our marriage I was told about the physical and sexual abuse he suffered as a child and I wasn't told by him, but a relative. This explains his alcoholic, controlling, violent, jealous, lack of trust behaviour that destroyed our marriage. Huge triggers for me as this marriage was a carbon copy of my childhood experience with my step father. Soon after my divorce I attempted suicide again, cutting my wrists again and taking an over dose to help it along. I spent a short time in a psychiatric hospital, but again CPTSD was undiagnosed. I truly believe that from that time onwards my condition was extremely severe and I just wasn't able to function like normal people. This condition actually caused the breakdown of my second marriage and not the financial problems. I was diagnosed with Petimol Epilepsy and put on medication, which I discovered after 30 years is a mood stabiliser prescribed also for patients with PTSD. I was told I had Petimol Epilepsy,  NOT CPTSD. My third marriage and the most traumatic was to a man diagnosed with NPD. I had no idea what that was and had never heard of the condition. I suspect looking back that he had CPTSD too, the same as my first husband. 14 years of torture. My own symptoms on a scale of 0 - 10 throughout that marriage were probably a 10. After my divorce they shot up to 20 and remained that way for 10 years. I was completely unable to function and suicide was a daily consideration. For 63 years I had seen 5 psychiatrists, 2 neurologists, 7 psychologists, read hundreds of books like, Why am I afraid to tell you who I am, The 5 love languages, The Cindarella Complex, Co Dependent No more.... and hundreds more. I have been hospitalised 4 times,  attempted suicide 4 times. I AM SO ANGRY that for 60 years not one single doctor mentioned PTSD let alone CPTSD.  Why did they not diagnose my condition? MY CONDITION WAS CAUSED BY THE NEGLECT, SEXUAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE INFLICTED ON ME BY OTHER PEOPLE, I WAS NOT BORN THIS WAY.  Men and women have suffered and lost their lives from this condition for centuries. Well I won't harp on about that, I am grateful to be alive. I did survive. My life isn't perfect this condition has cost me dearly, but I have 3 beautiful daughters, 4 gorgeous grandchildren, 2 lovely son in laws, a handful of patient, loving understanding friends and 2 family members who have not judged me. There has to be a GOD because He orchestrated miraculously my introduction to Dr. Annemarie Norvello who treated me for this condition for 3 years, not once a month or twice a month, but every single week. I am alive because I never gave up and neither did she, I left no stone unturned. There was no FACEBOOK GROUP in my journey to heal, but there are many groups today that offer support. Use them. Not once in 10 years did I suppress my trauma with, denial, drugs, alcohol or new relationships, but if that's what you do, DON'T beat yourself up, this is an incredibly difficult illness to cure. Just take one day at a time,  by choosing to do the right thing. Loving yourselves enough to follow through with treatment.  I share my complete story in my book LOOK ME IN THE EYE -Caryl Wyatt and I have shared my healing journey too. I pray sincerely if you are reading this, you won't give up, but that you will believe with the right treatment, you can heal your life too. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1288" data-original-width="1289" height="319" src="; width="320" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="627" height="400" src="; width="261" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> Click on the link below</div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href=" ME IN THE EYE - Caryl Wyatt</a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> Footnote: I did'nt win any prizes for being the best mother in the world, but my daughters always knew I absolutely loved and adored them enough to fight for them.</div> 2017/08/cptsd-complex-post-traumatic-disorder.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-55339795308130777Mon, 17 Jul 2017 16:21:00 +00002017-07-17T09:22:55.757-07:00Generational TraumaGenerational TraumaThe idea that we can carry generational trauma is not a great thought for anyone, when does it end. It makes me wonder? The Bible speaks of the sins of the forefathers being cast upon up to the forth generation. The things our parents struggled with become our problem, no one likes that idea, but it's the truth. None of us escape 'doing the work'. The work of owning our own stuff and working through it. The bible also says, 'work out your own salvation with fear and trembling', that means 'own your stuff' and work through it without blaming anyone. Click on the link to find out more about generational trauma. <a href=" Family Trauma</a>2017/07/generational-trauma.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-7758970836998483877Mon, 17 Jul 2017 14:26:00 +00002017-07-17T07:58:20.949-07:00TriggersMental illness isn't funny<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="416" data-original-width="600" height="276" src="; width="400" /></a></div> What's the difference between a mental illness and a sense of humour? It's too late to ask Robin Williams but I can try and tell you. As a young child both my brother and I had an incredible sense of humour. I used to laugh at him a lot, though he didn't find me very funny. Throughout my life, if you asked all the people who have known me, they would tell you I have a good sense of humour. The problem is that at times I didn't know what was funny and what was a diversion from my pain. The thing is, neither did anyone else which made it difficult for me to communicate effectively, my struggles with CPTSD. There have been times in my life that I've done some pretty bazaar things, which others found amusing but in my heart I know came from extreme stress and anxiety and not from a humorous place. There are two stories that I can remember in particular. A friend of mine was getting married and at her bachelorette she had 2 male strippers. The function was held in my home. After the strippers finished their little act, I went upstairs and dressed up like a stripper,  nothing over the top, but very high shoes, teased big hair and heavy make up. Requesting that the male stripper sit in a chair I proceeded to act out a lap dance. Of course all the guests found it very amusing, but one of my daughters did not, she was highly embarrassed. On another occasion I went to the theatre with my ex husband and some friends. That night I was carrying a very pretty and unusual handbag that I loved. During the interval I went to the bathroom and a lady made an incredible fuss about my bag, saying it was the most exquisite bag she had ever seen. I looked at her grubby bag and asked her go give it to me. I emptied the contents of both bags out on the basin and filled my bag with all her goodies and gave it to her. Putting all my things into her bag I said 'you can have it'. While she stood in absolute shock I turned and walked out of the rest room. There are so many stories similar to these two. Of course other people wouldn't think much about these two examples, but years later when I started therapy I looked back over my life at all these incidents and I wept, with a broken heart, for my inner child,  constantly using humour to mask the pain.  Both these incidents and many more happened during my 3rd marriage to a man I absolutely adored, but who tortured my soul daily. When I was in therapy, I shared these stories with embarrassment, to my therapist. My question to her was why? She had no problem with anything I shared with her, if I was happy with the memories, which I wasn't, but I needed to understand why I had behaved so out of character on so many occasions. It wasn't difficult for her to explain, it was my way of coping with extreme anxiety and in all situations I was hugely triggered. Most people who don't suffer with PTSD or CPTSD wouldn't understand, what is a trigger, it's different for each victim, but I'm going to try and explain one of my biggest triggers by unravelling one of my worst  - crowds of people. Therapist : what is it about crowds that makes you anxious, what are crowds normally doing. Me: shopping, watching sport, at a concert, having a party. Therapist : what are they doing that you find stressful. Me: they are drinking or if they are shopping they are spending money. Therapist : why does that upset you? Me : because the drinking gets more and more out of control, everyone gets drunk, there is going to be an argument which might lead to someone being beaten up. If they are spending money it reminds me of the shopping sprees my husband used to go on where he spent so much money in a short space of time, on anything from a suit to a building. He had the money and never ever discussed with me what he spent it on. It was overwhelming. Therapist : why was that a problem for you? Me : because when people drink, the violence and abuse was often directed at me, from my husband, from my ex husband, from my mother and my step fathers. My 2 abusive husbands earned the money and I had no say how they spent it. I felt powerless. (I feel anxious even now while writing this). When my anxiety went through the roof that is when I would use humour to mask my anxiety. I've learned over time,  how to manage these triggers, but there are many many more. So specifically what triggered me on those two occasions? Both those incidents happened a few months before my marriage ended. The tension was mounting and I'd discovered some sordid truths. Everything was a repeat of what I'd been through with my first husband, I was re living the trauma, all over again. 2017/07/mental-illness-isnt-funny.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-2211355204196230662Wed, 12 Jul 2017 19:30:00 +00002017-07-12T12:36:29.825-07:00In My Sisters ShoesIn My Sisters ShoesThe other night I was thinking about my brothers, all 5 of them and wondering why we just aren't close and never have been. There is no doubt we love each other but none of us really connect. I have always thought it was because I was the girl, but it's more than that, we are all very different. <div> Then I started to think about my 3 daughters and how different they are too, but they adore each other and quite honestly when they were growing up, as a mother I worked really hard to help them respect and love each other as sisters, even if there were times they didn't particularly like each other. </div> <div> As they have got older and two of them have a family the differences between them are even greater. Sometimes they don't get along as well as I would like them too, life is busy and my daughter that isn't married often feels very left out.</div> <div> When we are in pain we often wish others could understand what we are feeling and going through, but each person is in their own world doing their own thing, the best they can.</div> <div> There have been times in my life when the pain was so bad and I wasn't getting the comfort from family that I needed, it would make me really angry, I'd feel sorry for myself and decide I didn't even care if I never saw them again. Pain does that, it can separate us from people we care deeply about.</div> <div> It's different today, in the process of understanding the Bible, which says we are to forgive 70 x 70, not in a life time,  but in a day if we have to. Many times when trying to fall asleep at night I would imagine myself literally in the shoes of who ever it was that I needed love and acceptance from, imagining what their life was like and how they had to cope with their own struggles. My attitude would often change instantly. There us so much we don't know about what goes on in other people's lives and how they feel, day to day.</div> <div> My prayer for my daughters would be that they understand, having the same parents doesn't mean their experiences growing up in an abusive home was exactly the same.  Each one of them experienced me as a mother, their father, 3 marriages and 3 divorces differently, and I pray they will try to wear their sisters shoes and imagine what life was like and is like now. </div> <div> Divorce affects children so badly, some kids bond better with the absent parent, therefore it's tougher on them.  Our children desperately need to be heard and understood, not just by parents but each other. It's the unspoken and not heard, that separates families forever sometimes.</div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="872" data-original-width="1600" height="217" src="; width="400" /></a></div> <div> </div> 2017/07/in-my-sisters-shoes.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-330988341415879041Sun, 09 Jul 2017 22:18:00 +00002017-07-10T03:39:56.769-07:00ANDROPHOBIAAndrophobia - what's that.This is something I haven't spoken about very much. In 2009 which was shortly after the publication of my book, I moved to Cape Town to get away from absolutely everyone that was connected to my ex husband. <div> One of my daughters was married with a baby and I just wasn't coping at all with the trauma of my divorce, faking  that I was just wasn't working.</div> <div> I found a cute little apartment on top of someone's house, with beautiful sea views. It wasn't going to be very permanent but I needed to heal and isolation was the only way I could do it. Long walks on the beach, hours and hours of painting and reading tons of self help books my CPTSD symptoms just weren't going away.  </div> <div> There was a Trauma Centre near where I lived so I made an appointment to see the psychologist. She was weird, very agitated and made me feel even worse, but I was totally committed to healing and willing to overlook her strange manner. After telling her my brief story she suggested hypnotherapy and told me to lay across the couch and close my eyes, which I did. She started to do the count down and my anxiety went through the roof. I opened my eyes to find her laying on the floor in self hypnosis. I couldn't believe my eyes. That session ended immediately and I never went back.</div> <div> A few weeks later I found another therapist who was sweet, but I just couldn't connect with her. I think I saw her 3 times and again chose not to go back. Several months passed nothing was changing. I loved the solitude but constant nightmares, panic attacks and absolute terror going into public places, it was torture.</div> <div> In desperation I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist and it was imperative to me that the doctor was female. My first appointment with her was 2 hours and I managed to pretty much put her in the picture. She asked to see my the following day. During that appointment she concluded that I needed medication which I refused. I'd made up my mind that medication was simply going to make me feel numb and I wanted to heal and face what ever I had to face, head on.</div> <div> My sessions with the psychiatrist were every day for a week and I had begged her to be honest and tell me if I had Borderline Personality Disorder,  Bipolar,  or any other mental illness and I wouldn't stop seeing her until she could come up with a diagnosis. She in the mean time had read my book so I was extremely hopeful together we would find a solution. In my last session with her, she said and I quote, 'Caryl if all my patients had as much insight as you, my wards would be empty'. Yes, and? She then said I was suffering extreme Androphobia, which I'd never heard of before. She recommended I see a male psychologist,  which didn't excite me, but I was willing to give it a try. She said absolutely nothing about either PTSD or CPTSD. </div> <div> After two appointments with this male psychologist who was a total chauvinist. Even with a referral letter from the psychiatrist he just wasn't getting it and I found him to be extremely confrontational, basically telling me to 'get over it'. Whaaaaaaaat?  That was him over with.  He tried to sue me for not continuing therapy. I was dumbfounded. Thank goodness I had a friend who was an attorney and he sent off a letter that shut him up very quickly, including a letter to the psychologist who lay on the floor self hypnosing, during my therapy session. One can imagine, I never wanted to see a therapist ever again.</div> <div> The months and years passed with my symptoms becoming worse and worse. I missed my children desperately, but I didn't want to burden them. They needed a whole and happy mother which I couldn't be. Suicide was a constant thought, how much better off they would all be without this dysfunctional mother. Thank God I would force myself to think that if I chose that path, I would leave my beautiful daughters with the same pain I couldn't handle myself.</div> <div> Androphobia- fear of men was unbearable.  I hadn't connected the dots up to that point. I hated going to public places anywhere that men could possibly be. This went on for years. God was even a problem, in my mind God represented 'male'. But God is so Faithful even when we aren't.  I was new to Facebook and slowly over time I connected with a lot of men on Facebook who were all artists. It took a long time but I started to read their posts and experience these men very differently to the men in my life. These men were all happily married, not afraid to share their softer side, it was so refreshing. My healing towards men has come a very long way, although I am still very sensitive to macho, jock type men, they are and probably will always be a trigger for me.</div> <div> Thanks to my therapist Dr. Annemarie Norvello who has been a gift from God in my life. While I wasn't speaking to God, He orchestrated the best therapist I have ever come across and I will forever be thankful to her. More about that later, diagnosing CPTSD.</div> 2017/07/androphobia-whats-that.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-4735968752346701413Sun, 02 Jul 2017 15:52:00 +00002017-07-02T08:56:02.232-07:00Princess DianaPrincess Diana It was Princess Diana ' s birthday yesterday, she would have been 56. In August it will be 20 years ago that she died. If you are anything like me, I've read dozens of articles about her and watched hours and hours of videos, documenting the Royal family. It still saddens me today to think what that poor woman went through. She made some pretty bad choices during her marriage, her affair with Hewitt being just one of them and her questionable judgement in dating someone like Dodi. Playing with fire is putting it mildly. I've thought about her a lot over the past 20 years and there is no doubt her unhappy childhood wasn't the best foundation for marrying into the Royal family.  Insecure, young, inexperienced was a recipe for disaster marrying a man so much older than she was. She had her doubts about the wedding, red flags had already started waving in the breeze, which they both chose to ignore, after all, their names had already been embossed on everything from tea cups to dish towels. Diana did the best she could to cope with Charles affair with Camilla, her bulimia a symptom of extreme pain, rage and helplessness.  Those were the days before psychologists knew much about bulimia and nothing of CPTSD, which I am absolutely sure she suffered from. Was she emotionally unhinged when she gave her infamous TV interview, I'm sure. Quite honestly when things started falling apart during their separation and divorce she was on her own, fighting for her survival against the entire British Monarchy who accused her of suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. Maybe that was true, in the dark ages people with mental illness were thrown into a padded cell and forgotten, but this wasn't the dark ages. The way I see it, is that Diana had to contend with years of abandonment issues, emotional abuse, her own struggle with bulimia,  possibly CPTSD, a divorce and separation from her beloved children.  What chance was there for her to make calm, wise, healthy choices at that time, she made some huge mistakes, who could blame her, sadly those choices ended her life, had she been entitled to Royal security, it may not have happened, but she lost that privilege soon after her divorce. We watch from our tiny insignificant lives the tragedies of the rich and famous, their stories are no different to our own. We witness their pain and shame on the world stage in front of millions, while we experience the same dramas unfold in our lives with family and friends, it can't compare. To honour Princess Diana in life and in death, we continue to fight for the down trodden, the weak and broken in society. May we all be less judgemental and more compassionate, reaching out to support those who struggle alone. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1149" height="320" src="; width="229" /></a><a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="393" data-original-width="600" height="209" src="; width="320" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> 2017/07/princess-diana.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-4816592427299284852Sun, 02 Jul 2017 09:27:00 +00002017-07-02T04:12:30.100-07:00Temporary InsanityTemporary InsanityOne hears this term often used in court cases, but we seldom even try and understand what exactly that means. Click on the link -<a href=" Insanity</a> When I was married to my Narcissistic ex husband who I believe was torturing me mentally for years there was an incident that occurred during one of our many fights, that pushed me to my breaking point, causing me to completely lose control and I proceeded to do some damage to ornaments, TV and various other things. It's important to put things in context, in a time line of events. A few weeks prior to this demolition I had a complete nervous break down, attempted suicide and spent time in hospital. The attempted suicide was completely unplanned.  No suicide letter for my precious daughters, just an irrational decision. After 3 days of laying in bed unconscious, with no interest or intervention from my husband, my domestic worker chose wisely to call my daughters who took me immediately to hospital, no visits from my husband of course. Anyone who has ever had a nervous breakdown will know, one is pumped full of medication and it's almost impossible to be rational. It was a few weeks later when I did the damage to my home. After I came out of hospital, my husband simply escalated the emotional abuse. I'm convinced that he was pushing me to commit suicide to escape any divorce settlement and make himself look like the victim. My husband had me arrested and I spent 15 hours in jail which was the most traumatic experience I have ever been through in my life, far worse than the beatings he dished out regularly. I was charged with malicious damage to property. Unbeknown to me, one cannot be charged for damaging property in the matrimonial home when the property was 'ours', not his. We were married with an accrual contract. Everything was OURS, but at the time I was so mentally tortured I could barely speak my own name. My husbands cousin was an attorney, between them they were determined to destroy me. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't have a raging temper, he did, but my behaviour that night was simply out of character. If you read my book, you may wonder what made me go back to my husband after this event? I was broken and simply submitted to 2 men who had the power to destroy me and my family, which they later did anyway. I spent the next 4 years, trying to hold on to my sanity so that I could figure out a way to escape unharmed. I may add, that from that day in 2000 to this I have never taken any medication for depression or anxiety ever again, in spite of the years of suffering with CPTSD, I was simply too afraid. I chose to heal my soul wounds consciously. Several years later when we were getting divorced I had laid charges against him for Domestic Violence, my violent, controlling husband used the previous charges against me as leverage. He bargained, if I dropped the charges against him he would do the same. In hindsight, what a fool I was. If I knew then what I know now, I would have pursued the case to the bitter end. I had mountains of evidence against him, but I obeyed his orders and dropped all the charges. He and his cousin attorney had won that round and would win many more after. Knowing that a violent guilty person can get off without even a rap on the knuckles can push any victim further into depression and mental illness, which in my case it did. Please read my next post on HEALING SOUL WOUNDS. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="1600" height="200" src="; width="320" /></a></div> 2017/07/temporary-insanity.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-6109563247007548580Sun, 03 Jul 2016 19:39:00 +00002016-07-03T12:46:00.763-07:00NARCISSISTIC NIGHTMARENarcissistic NightmareThis is one of the most accurate descriptions of what it is like to date or marry a Narcissist. I could have written every word myself. I am filled with anxiety after reading this article.( <a href=" Nightmare</a> )- click on the link,  please read the scary truth.2016/07/this-is-one-of-most-accurate.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-946117874192852121Mon, 29 Sep 2014 08:56:00 +00002014-09-29T01:58:30.982-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="; height="320" width="209" /></a></div> The book I wrote in 2007 is still available. Please buy a copy and stand firm on ABUSE IS NO EXCUSE. Often people say to me, 'you need to move on with your life', well the truth is I have moved on, but one can never forget, being raped, sexually abused, beaten over and over again through ones life. One just tries to live the best we can. I chose to write a book, do public speaking and work with other victims but that is not right for everyone. 2014/09/the-book-i-wrote-in-2007-is-still.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-5475390314026577480Mon, 29 Sep 2014 08:47:00 +00002014-09-29T01:47:50.781-07:00Recovery from PTSD<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="; height="326" width="400" /></a></div> 2014/09/recovery-from-ptsd.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-8654225364549877344Mon, 29 Sep 2014 08:36:00 +00002014-09-29T01:37:41.302-07:00Painting Cats - Fight, Flight, Freeze, Submit, Attach.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="; height="400" width="313" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="; height="400" width="318" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="; height="400" width="307" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="; height="400" width="307" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="; height="400" width="310" /></a></div> FOR those of you who visit or have been following this blog for some time, I see a Dr. Annemarie Norvello who specialises in TRAUMA.  I have SUFFERED with CPTSD for a hundred years, well that's what it feels like anyway. The response as we know to extreme stress is FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE, SUBMIT, ATTACH. Dr. Annemarie absolutely loves cats which is why I decided to do these paintings for her.2014/09/for-those-of-you-who-visit-or-have-been.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-659331857555146023Tue, 13 May 2014 08:37:00 +00002016-07-03T12:53:13.136-07:00Oscar PistoriusAt the outset let me say that I am not accusing OP of domestic violence even though there have been reports of his abusive behaviour with women. But watching the trial and listening to the psychiatrist diagnosing his General Anxiety Disorder makes me think that most men who abuse women must suffer from the same condition. The reason I say this is because most men who abuse women have had some trauma in their childhood. The response to extreme anxiety is Fight, Flight, Freeze, Submit or Attach. By nature women would be more inclined to flight under threat where as with men it is perhaps more probable that they would fight under threat. No matter what one has been through in childhood we all have to learn to cope and make the best of bad situations and therefore there is never any reason that anyone should resort to violence unless our lives are being threatened. Let me remind anyone who might be reading this.... that the prisons world wide are full of women who have been abused and who have resorted to fitting back and have killed their partners therefore the same amount of violent men who have abused women should be sitting behind bars. The rules apply to both.2014/05/oscar-pistorius.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-1657132047052176646Thu, 17 Apr 2014 17:01:00 +00002014-04-17T10:01:55.296-07:00AWOLIt has been a long while since I have been blogging on all my blog sites. My computer crashed and what a mission to get things back on track. This isn't even really that safe for me as I haven't been able to sort out the problems and who knows when this computer will go on the blink again. But for now lets just hold out that things will be alright. A lot has been going on in my personal life and maybe soon I will be able to share some of that with my readers but for now I just want to talk about the Oscar Pistorius Trial. Much to the frustration of many I still am not able to form an opinion about Oscar. I am just not a person who likes to judge people at the best of times let alone when it comes to something as serious as this case. I am happy to sit back and wait for the outcome before voicing my opinion. I don't like what happened, my heart breaks for Reeva's family and I do want to see that justice is carried out in accordance with the law. But with a background like mine I tend to think deeply about why women stay in abusive relationships beyond the obvious and why do men treat women so badly. I don't think I will ever have the answers. All I care about is that women will be educated, seek counselling when they need it, search their own hearts as to why they choose abusive men and then move on with healthy partners and hopefully find happiness. It has taken be a life time, because 'in my day' we honestly didn't have the resources available to young women today. So with that being said I hope people will continue to read my book, scroll down for the link, and perhaps find something to relate to and make some decisions for their own lives. After all that was my intention from the very beginning.  Read my story.. could this be you?2014/04/awol.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-5138601312490331281Sun, 22 Dec 2013 08:02:00 +00002013-12-22T00:02:51.832-08:00An interesting article for you to read <a href=" ON THIS LINK</a>.2013/12/an-interesting-article-for-you-to-read.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-5245096438798478611Sun, 01 Dec 2013 09:19:00 +00002013-12-01T01:19:32.006-08:00PTSDFor anyone struggling with PTSD please read this blog the information is invaluable. I struggled for years and honestly thought at times I was losing my mind. This article will help you not only to identify with the symptoms but also when you know what you are dealing with you will know what to do about it. Please go to this <a href="; for more information. Don't give up on yourself - you are worth it.2013/12/for-anyone-struggling-with-ptsd-please.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-8312309909863984628Thu, 14 Nov 2013 18:15:00 +00002013-11-14T10:15:36.457-08:00Psycopaths and Love - don't go together !This article is a <a href=" READ</a> if you are struggling to understand how you got caught in this trap, with a man who said he loved you but tore your heart into pieces. The sooner you understand the tactics the sooner you will forgive yourself and walk away.2013/11/psycopaths-and-love-dont-go-together.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3239446455948104390.post-2115292187780642145Tue, 12 Nov 2013 17:56:00 +00002014-03-28T05:36:24.320-07:00Look me in the eyeLOOK ME IN THE EYE - Second Edition<div style="margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center;"> <a href=" alt="" border="0" src="; /></a> The second edition of my book is now available. Please click on the <a href=" LINK</a>. Incase you are interested, for those who know me and know my love of art and my intense interest in the meaning of everything, the flower on the cover of my new book is called a Blushing Bride. The flower is part of the South African Protea family. The flower of this plant only blossoms in September and it is a difficult flower to find in florists. It is my most favourite of all flowers. The petals are tissue thin, it's exquisitly beautiful and delicate it resembles a beautiful slightly pink wedding dress. When the flower is out of water it makes a beautiful dried flower, but ... when dried the tissue paper thin petals become quite brittle and the ends of the petals become tiny thorns. Weddings, Oh the wedding. That one special day our lives are changed forever. If only things remained as happy in the future as they were on that day - but abuse turns the softness of our hearts into thorns. Interesting thought, I was married in September to a man who brutalized my soul.</div> <div style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="; target="ext"><img align="middle" alt="Posted by Picasa" border="0" src="; style="-moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; background: 0% 50%; border: 0px currentColor; padding: 0px;" /></a></div> 2013/11/look-me-in-eye.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Caryl)

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