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Before: engine optimisation needs).
Anyway, on with the show.
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Today we have a guest post by Patrick Hathaway, who is currently the in-house SEO for promotional gifts company Ideasbynet, although he will be joining Hit Reach shortly (and has already started building links for them…) You may have seen Patrick around on your travels by The Saloon and previous posts on this humble blog are here and ze
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Before: re.
Yeah, thanks Sean…
The following image was sent to me via a close source within the Google webspam department. A warning notice email that Google are desperate to keep under wraps.
It is said that Matt was working ridiculous hours and was slowly starting to unravel. Exhausted after writing every GWT warning notice manually he just flipped, came in with a Bing tattoo on his forehead and was babbling on about how he was going to start his own fucking payday loans company.
My source has also begged that I keep this image under my hat or share it within a small circle of peers, knowing the traffic numbers on this blog I knew it would be safe here.
Please be sure to read this fully and please, whatever you do, please don’t share this with anyone else.
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Before: t:encoded>Hey fuckers! Today I have a guest post from Irish Wonder one of the savviest SEO’s I’ve read and talked too. We’ve gone down the road of a mysterious SEO thriller. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: the story is based on true events but all the names and website URLs have been changed. Any resemblance to actual people, agencies or sites is coincidental and accidental.
Part 1,
In which we set t
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Before: herself thinking. In Bing, the client site did not drop. But even if it did, Bing has just announced this shiny new disavow tool where you could just drop all the bad links you had no control over and be done with it. Truth be told, Jenny never used the Bing disavow tool and was not sure if using it actually resulted in sites ranking better, and there were only anecdotal references online to people testing it – but in all seriousness, who has ever cared as much about Bing penalties or bans as people did about those in Google? Yet, the disavow tool was considered a great step forward and an example of a search engine open to working hand in hand with webmasters, so Jenny stuck to the same opinion. She even started dreaming of reading the news one morning of Google launching a disavow tool of its own.
And that morning once arrived…
Part 2,
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Before: link to the client site anywhere! But where did all those 1,500 links in Google Webmaster Tools report come from?
Hours later, after doing lots of digging, Jenny still has not managed to discover anything meaningful. Apparently the site was pretty new judging by its whois data, Web Archive had no records for it, Jenny felt lost and did not know where else to look for any clues. How can you do anything about links that do not exist? Yet, she felt these links could be the ones causing trouble, at least partially. She was at her wits end.
With an uneasy heart, Jenny went home at the end of the work day. She couldn’t sleep that night, thinking of possible ways to uncover the mystery that was torturing her. By morning, she made a decision. She would ask for help. Luckily she knew someone who could probably solve this puzzle.
Part 3,
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Before: bunch of long tail queries. Google Webmaster Tools backlink report still showed them all as well, and they were still causing trouble for Jenny’s client, although it was now impossible to do anything about them. How do you remove the links that do not exist? How do you disavow them? Things were ultimately broken.
“So”, Shane said then, “you have two options now. Either wait till Google actually catches up and reindexes the site and sees that those pages no longer exist – or go to Google URL removal tool and submit all the 1,500 pages, one by one, and pray that they take action fast.”
There was a pause in the conversation. Jenny was digesting what she just heard. After a long silence, she said, “Thank you” and finished the talk. She knew she had a very long day ahead.
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Before: 1i9qEnRtSop09QOCu3XuPBY&
The recent Angry SEO posts (Angry SEO #1 and Angry SEO #2) have gone down really well and today we have issue #3 to deal with. Like the title? Sex sellsss.
In today’s issue our secret SEO appears to be a bit upset with a certain section of the industry. As normal if you’d wish to vent about a client, company, co-worker, the SEO industry, this blog etc get in touch! 
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Before: m all one. Says it all really.
SEO awards bring out the worst in certain smaller SEO companies. I’m glad to say my agency tends to conduct itself in a friendly and decent way. I’m sure that’s not the case 100% of the time, especially with drink involved but you know what I’m saying. Put it this way, we would not boo the winners of an award in an award ceremony. No matter which competitor won. To this day we don’t know what we did wrong. Maybe we’re not part of the clique, maybe we stole someone’s client, maybe we shagged their wife. We’ll never know but to that company / those people I say – Get over it and try not to be dicks all your life.
In summing up, I’d say don’t judge an SEO by their company unless they started or own the company. In which case you should feel free, the arseholes.
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Before:
So last week’s post by Angry SEO #1 appeared to have struck a chord with you guys. I think it’s nice to be able to anonymously vent about a client, company or co-worker so if you would like to do likewise get in touch! In today’s issue SEO Anonymouse appears to have a few issues with a co-worker… This post not only made me laugh but appears to have had a positive effect on our Angry SEO “It’s been cathartic and I feel better for it, exorcised.” Great news! Have a excellent week kids
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Before: ese people in your organisation fucking things up and bullshitting you daily.
Train their arses or GET RID.
1. If your sales are poor, then ask them why.
2. If your rankings and traffic are crap ask them why.
3. And if you don’t really know or fail to understand what it is they tell you then seek a second opinion.
It’s your business, the jobs of 100’s may be at stake, don’t let it die a death just because some knob jockey told you it was ok.
POSTSCRIPT if you are anything like this person then please, just stop it.
Go see a shrink, get counselling, have a wank more often but whatever you do, just stop it. Thanks.
tl;dr “Give your SEO a chance, stop, listen, absorb. Don’t be rude, don’t be a know all idiot”
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Before: ![CDATA[I’ll stop adding guest posts when people stop sending me stuff. Today we have a heart felt plea from SEOBastard, a fine young fellow who just wants to be understood. ———————————————————— Dear client, It may not have occurred to you at the time you hired me to do your SEO for you, so I’d like […]]]>
I’ll stop adding guest posts when people stop sending me stuff. Today we have a heart felt plea from SEOBastard, a fine young fellow who just wants to be understood.
————————————————————
Dear client,
It may not have occurred to you at the time you hired me to do your SEO for you, so I’d like to spell it out for you:
I am an SEO expert, not a fucking magician. For clarity: I do not violently jerk rabbits out of hats, juggle fireballs or perform for children’s birthday parties. I don’t have a comely assistant and the only things I can make disappear are tin cans of microwavable chili. I’m not David fucking Blaine over here.
I am, in fact, responsible for dealing with the structure and content of your website and leveraging those to be
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Before: opinion, I do not keep top rankings stuffed up my ass for easy retrieval. I’m out there wrangling hot opportunities like some sort of perverted cowboy. All I’m asking you to do is step in and take advantage. There isn’t some secret garden of links I can just go merrily traipsing through like a school girl on morphine. We’ve gotta create that shit. Get people talking. Make people care you exist. This is high school prom all over again, and right now you’re the acne-laden chess co-club captain wearing sweatpants and khaki shorts. I’m trying to help you sort it out.
All I need is for you to give slightly more than no shits about your online presence. We’re trying to do some marketing here. You want more online leads? Sales? Market share? Give me MORE to work with. This is basic-ass math.
With love,
Your SEO
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Before: ator>
I’m getting increasingly lazy with age so today we have yet another awesome guest post this time by Patrick Hathaway who when not busy being married to catwoman (stealing Google quality rater guidelines above) does some online marketing stuff for Ideasbynet the stress toy specialists. Anyway enough from me… Before I start, let’s just get one thing straight – Yes, Google need our websites so they have content to
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Before: serve their users, but we need Google a hell of a lot more than they need us. We have no ‘right’ to be included in their index, nor do we have any right to good rankings. It’s their party and we should play by their rules.
It doesn’t mean we have to like it.
As per my recent rant on the Zazzle Media website, Google penalised my company for unnatural links, and I got pretty pissed off about it. Using both internal and external resources to get links removed for resubmission, we have wasted LOTS of time and money. Despite all my begging and pleading, Google won’t take their foot from our throats (if fact I think they forgot they had it there in the first place).
2 things piss me off more than anything else:
- Apparently the penalty they placed on our site is manual (hence the drop to page 6 in the SERPs), but whenever we submit a reconsideration request they perform an automated check.
- We have removed thousands of links. But there are thousands more that we cannot get removed as the sites have been abandoned or their owners do not respond.
So here’s my brand new idea*
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Before: >
WTF? Why Should We Pay Google?
I’m not talking a fortune, maybe £1000 or so, enough for someone at Google, an actual real life human being, to actually look at our website. Look at our content, look at the links we have developed over the last 2 years, look at what we are trying to do now rather than what we have done 5 years ago. If they came back to us and said that we were going in the right direction but still had to get rid of a big list of links, at least we’d know and could get on with it.
If they accepted that we aren’t the devil’s spawn and removed our penalty, I’d do I little Irish jig and give myself a hi-5. I’m not even Irish.
The crucial thing is that we wouldn’t waste money doing it unless we genuinely thought it might get us somewhere.
According to Matt Cutts himself, around 20,000 domains have received unnatural links messages. It would only take 5% of these sites to pay for a manual review once for Mr Cutts to make himself a millionaire. You can thank me later Matt.
I Ain’t Paying Google Shit. I’ll Just Wait For The Link Disavow Tool
A lot of SEOs have expressed concern that this mystical link disavow tool will give black hatters an unwieldy amount of power, as they could test throwaway domains and figure out the optimum spam link balance. Well, why don’t they just monetise that as well?
Say you had to pay £1 for every link you wished to ‘disavow’. Maybe some black hatters will still do their experiments, but it would certainly be a big turn off.
I, on the other hand, would go and write Mr Cutts a
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Before: there must be thousands of other sites in a similar position, whose re- inclusion in the SERPs would be beneficial for the user. If Google still cares about its core product at all, they will obviously agree that a better user experience for organic search users will increase PPC revenues anyway.
With all the time spent removing links over the last few months, we have stopped producing quality content for our website, contrary to what Google wishes us to do. Ditto for agencies whose client content budget is now being wasted on link removals. Time and money is being spent on removing links, so why not spend it with Google and save ourselves a load of time? Then we can all get on with making videos of cats and babies.
</rant>
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Before: complete this brief survey.
- Do you have a case study?
- Do you have some REAL data to share?
- Can you swear on your mother’s grave you are not just writing a post because all the big kids are doing it?
- We know it’s to do with links
- We know there are correlations with over use of anchor text
- We know blog networks & low quality directories are being deindexed
Please feel free to rant in the comments I’m off to get a beer.
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